8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up - We Are The Mighty
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8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up

Screwing up in the military is a given. Sometimes a person is just trying to sham, sometimes they get drunk at the wrong time, and occasionally they even make an honest mistake. Service members who have been in a while know how to avoid getting caught. New guys are making these eight mistakes.


1. Bad risk management

Leaders do composite risk management for missions. Smart shammers do CRM for everything else. Every entry on this list can be chalked up to a failure of composite risk management. Shamming during work? Plan on how to avoid snitchs’ eyes. Headed off base to get plastered? Plan for how to get to a recall formation.

2. New guys are too stupid to play dumb

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up

Privates like to seem like they have it all together. This is huge mistake. Sergeants love taking a soldier under their wing and “teaching” them things. When they play dumb, their mistake will become a “teachable moment” instead of a counseling statement.

“Private! Why weren’t you at PT formation?”

“Sergeant, I got lost and couldn’t use my cell phone to call you because I was in uniform.”

“Couldn’t use your cell –? Oh. No. You can use it. You just can’t walk and talk, private. Here, I’ll explain …”

3. They don’t think of good cover stories

Most of the time, new guys will get through shenanigans without seeing a single senior noncommissioned officer, but too many new guys fail to prepare a cover story to throw leaders off the scent, just in case. The cover story should match the environment. For instance, smart soldiers bring plastic bags when shamming in the motor pool. If caught , they just say: “Well, my sergeant sent me to get an exhaust sample in this bag from truck ID-10-T, but I can’t find that bumper number anywhere.” Again, new guys get to play dumb.

4. They don’t get organized

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up

The reason old hands in the barracks are more organized than new guys has nothing to do with inspections. It’s because they need their stuff handy when they screw up. If they’re getting drunk while there’s a chance first sergeant will call everyone in, they’re prepared to rapidly brush their teeth, put on a uniform, get to formation, and be dress-right-dress by the time the squad leader starts taking accountability. Less organized troops would still be hazily looking for their uniform top and boots.

5. New guys don’t work as a team

New guys try to get away with stuff by hiding all the evidence from everyone, rather than selecting members of their squad and platoon they can trust to help them in a crisis. Instead of shamming alone, smart troops designate roles to each other. For smoking in the woods while assigned to a cleanup detail, two people should be in charge of collecting cigarettes and dropping them in an energy drink can, two people should be in charge of immediately looking at the ground like they’re hunting for trash, and someone should be standing lookout.

6. Failure to stage supplies

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Photo: US Army

That can in number 5 and the trash bag in number 2 don’t magically happen. They’re staged supplies. Electric razors can be placed in cars for use while driving to a recall formation, military publications can be opened to make it look like someone is studying doctrine rather than sleeping, and cans of dip are handy for bribing squad leaders.

7. They need better escape routes

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Photo by: US Army

Never slack off in an area with only one exit. Always be prepared to make a quick exit on an unexpected route.

7. They don’t get representation in the Terminal Lance Underground/E-4 Mafia

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up

Different services have different versions of the junior enlisted league, but everyone should join theirs. The sergeants and petty officers of the world are working together to catch the junior enlisted, the junior enlisted must band together in defense. New guys don’t always have an advocate in one of these fine organizations to help them distract NCOs, lose files, or text them ahead of a crisis. They should get one.

8. They forget to stand at parade rest

Seriously, do it every time. Parade rest is like stealth camouflage for privates. Troops should stand at parade rest every chance they get. It makes NCOs think they’re too afraid to break the rules.

NOW: The 9 best items deployed troops use instead of cash

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Articles

13 Hilarious suggestions for the US Navy’s new slogan

The Navy has dumped its unpopular recruiting slogan and we came up with some funnier replacements the service definitely won’t use.


Gone is the “Global force for good,” a five-year-old slogan that hasn’t been popular with many sailors, admirals, or the public at large, reported the Navy Times.

To fill the void, The Times created a contest allowing people to submit their slogans. While people submitting to the contest are expected to offer serious entries, the WATM team thought up some lighthearted versions, along with a little help from this Reddit thread and from the S–t My LPO Says Facebook page.

Sure galley food is not the best food, but it’s better than MREs.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Photo: Chris_Harkins28/Instagram

Prepare to see a lot of grey.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Photo: Lil_rp/Instagram

Like prison, sailors can get a little nutty being cooped up on a boat for long stretches of time.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Photo: vera-24/Instagram

You can’t have fun trolling the Navy without a Top Gun reference. Here’s Ice Man:

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Photo: YouTube, Slogan: Knightsof-Ni/Reddit

There’s ugly, then there’s Army ugly.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Photo: US Army

The Navy is notorious for having long lines for everything.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Photo: USNavy/Instagram

Sailors have the most uniforms and the least amount of space to store them in.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Photo: ladyblutbad8/Instagram

Well, they didn’t say it was glamorous.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Photo: neenee_bean87/Instagram, Slogan: Richard Vansteeland/Facebook

Add a little alcohol and things can escalate very quickly.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Photo: Equatic/Instagram, Slogan: Benjamin Summers/Facebook

This is a play on midrats, you know, the food they serve between dinner and breakfast.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Photo: US Navy

Before joining, stop to consider that the world is 75 percent water.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Photo: austinjen/Instagram

The struggle is real.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Photo: adrea_sara_gallo/Instagram

Always, always, avoid working parties.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Photo: US Navy

While these are, of course, all tongue-in-cheek suggestions, if you’d like to submit a real slogan for consideration, click here to go to the Navy Times contest.

NOW: 37 Awesome Photos Of Life On A US Navy Carrier

AND: 27 Incredible Photos Of Life On A US Navy Submarine

Lists

4 epic rivalries between military commanders once on the same side

Throughout military history, it was common for generals to only know of each other by reputation or by the deeds of their troops.


But when lines are drawn, ideologies change, and another war is fought for another reason, you may find yourself fighting against your former allies and those old interpersonal rivalries can get ugly fast. It takes a darker turn when both sides of that rivalry have an army ready to kill and die at their command.

Let’s take a look at some of history’s greatest rivalries between former brothers-in-arms.

1. George Washington and Benedict Arnold — Revolutionary War

One man would later be known as the “Father of America” while the other would become synonymous “traitor.” Both Washington and Arnold were heroes of the American Revolution early on and fought many battles together.

This was until Arnold switched allegiances back to the crown. His reasons for turning his back on America are still debated by historians, but the accepted reasons include money, disillusionment, and personal vendettas against the Continental Congress.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Their relationship is spot-on in AMC’s show, Turn (Image via AMC)

2. Ulysses S. Grant and Robert E. Lee — Siege of Veracruz

Both Generals would earn historical prestige leading their respective armies against each other during the American Civil War, but they weren’t always enemies. In fact, at the beginning of the Civil War, Lee was offered command of the U.S. Army before resigning his commission. Eight days later, he accepted command of Confederate troops in Virginia.

Back in the Mexican-American War, however, both men fought side-by-side as then-Lieutenant Colonel Lee led troops in Scott’s March on Mexico City with a young then-First Lieutenant Grant. Both Lee and Grant marched under the command of then-General Zachary Taylor. In fact, the Siege of Veracruz was full of names that would eventually become essential pieces of the Civil War, including future Generals Meade, “Stonewall” Jackson, and Longstreet.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Appomattox, where two old friends caught up over a nice surrendering. (Image via Fine Art America)

3. Charles de Gaulle and Phillipe Petain — Battle of Verdun

Petain rose in rank to eventually become Marshal of France and, later, Prime Minister of the Nazi puppet state, Vichy France. He took strong and direct opposition to Charles de Gaulle’s revolutionary Free France. After the fall of the Nazi Regime, Petain was spared the gallows because of his actions as “The Lion of Verdun” and hero of France. France’s new leader, Charles de Gaulle, refused to execute the disgraced former-Marshal.

Petain’s military mind helped save France in WWI at the Battle of Verdun. One of the most heroic battles and early turning point of Verdun took place when the Germans were contained at Douaumont and surrounded by 90,000 men and 21,000 tons of ammunition. There stood de Gaulle, the then-Captain in the French 33rd Infantry Regiment, leading Petain’s charge. Charles de Gaulle was wounded and captured in that battle.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Like every stereotypical Frenchman, these military minds both sported stylish mustaches. (Image via Les Observateurs)

4. Mao Zedong and Chiang Kai-shek — Second Sino-Japanese War

While Mao Zedong is etched in history as the Chairman of the People’s Republic of China, his main rival was Chiang Kai-shek, the Chairman of the National Government of China (or, as it’s more commonly known in America, Taiwan). To briefly summarize a long, storied conflict, both of these nations claim to be China. As the Communist Revolution swept over the mainland during the Chinese Civil War, the capitalists fled to Formosa (the island of Taiwan), but neither ceded statehood.

Just like the nations they led, Mao and Chiang have a history that oscillates between cooperation and opposition. First, they supported each other during the Northern Expedition. Then, they went at each other’s throats during the Chinese Civil War. Then, during the Second Sino-Japanese War, when Axis-aligned Japan invaded a Soviet- and American-backed China, they allied again.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up

Humor

6 silly things troops bring into combat zones

When service members deploy to a combat zone, they get a checklist of gear they’re required to bring that will help them survive.


But many service members end up hauling ridiculous items along with them that they don’t need.

Anything can happen along the way to combat zones; troops could end up in an area that only has electricity for three hours a day and no running water, in which case, that brand-new Nintendo Wi really won’t do much.

Related: 8 pieces of gear grunts buy themselves before deploying

So check out our list of silly things service members bring with them to war:

1. A sh*t-ton of cash

It’s okay to bring a little pocket change, but just be mindful because we’ve seen troops bring hundreds of dollars with them just to be stationed at a combat outpost where there is virtually nothing to buy.

ISIS failed to open a Super Target location near your new command post.

Yes. We’re all happy when a new Super Target store opens. (Images via Giphy)

2. Sports equipment

Having a football, basketball, or a soccer ball handy for some leisure activity while you’re deployed is a great way to relieve stress. But cramping these items into your already stuffed sea bag maybe a bad idea.

They make great care package items though. Write that down. (Images via Giphy)

3. Beach toys

Do we need to emphasize why you shouldn’t pack a pool noodle or an inflatable pool? Service members have done it before — we’ve seen it.

Don’t let that kid be your JTAC. (Images via Giphy)

4. An expensive laptop

Deployment movie nights are basically defined as everyone gathering around one laptop. But it’s not necessary to bring one that’s top of the line with the capability to hack into a secure website or Deejay at your local FOB.

You just don’t need that much power.

Remember, war can get dirty, and grit will find its way in between the keys — it could ruin it.

No matter what tech you bring, please don’t dance like this…ever. (Images via Giphy)

5. Unauthorized clothing

Halloween costumes, wigs, and designer clothes don’t have a real place in that already stuffed seabag.

By all means, have them sent to you in an excellent care package though. You could make a YouTube video and become internet famous. Priorities.

Mouse ears are a great choice to send to your deployed friend or spouse. ISIS will love it. (Images via Giphy)

Also Read: 8 things Marines love to carry other than their weapon

6. Bulky video games

Yes. Service members have been known to pack their X-boxes and PlayStations into their gear and pass them through customs. But many don’t take into account whether they can actually hunt down a TV to play on.

Just something for you to think about before you deploy.

Looks intense. He must be a POG. (Images via Giphy)

What random stuff did you see people pack with them on deployment?

Lists

4 of the craziest assassination attempts in U.S. history

Hollywood depicts the CIA as planning and executing insane assassination schemes of foreign leaders — everything from poisoning a doctor’s stethoscope in “Spy Game” to weaponizing human robots in the Bourne series.


But it turns out that those plotlines aren’t as crazy as you might think since the Agency has tried to poison toothpaste and SCUBA gear. Here are four of its crazier plots:

1. Fidel Castro’s SCUBA dive to hell

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Had no idea this guy was a big diver. (Photo: Alberto Korda, Public Domain)

Cuban President Fidel Castro survived countless plots on his life, including approximately 600 CIA plans. Two of the most outlandish involved Castro’s love of SCUBA diving. The first was for someone to pack a shell with explosives, paint it with bright colors, and then put it in Castro’s path like the world’s most festive IED.

A separate attempt called for an American working with Castro to loan him a wetsuit and breathing mask filled with flesh-eating fungus. The CIA made the suit, but it was never given to Castro. Reports differ on whether the wetsuit even made it out of the CIA lab.

2. Ambushing a couple during sex

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Rafael L. Trujillo, wearing the dark suit, stands with assembled dignitaries in 1951. He was killed during a sexual rendezvous. (Photo: El Caribe, Public Domain)

A group of rebels seeking to overthrow the dictatorship of Rafael Trujillo in the Dominican Republic got together with the CIA to request weapons to form a guerrilla group. The CIA was open to the idea, but the requests from the rebels made it clear that they were planning just an assassination, not a full overthrow.

When the CIA asked for the plan, the rebels mapped out how they would follow Trujillo to the house of his mistress and kill him there. The CIA sent few weapons — three revolvers and three carbines — but it’s not clear whether they were used in the 1961 assassination. Trujillo was killed on the road to his mistress, sparing her life.

3. Toxic toothpaste for a Congolese leader

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
He’s hiding his pearly whites to keep the CIA from getting any ideas. (Photo: Netherland National Archives)

Western governments, including the U.S., were dissatisfied with the first elected president of Congo, Patrice Lumumba, and worried that he would institute communism there. The CIA began plotting to poison his toothpaste or food.

The poison was supposed to cause symptoms and leave forensic evidence similar to that of tropical diseases that already existed in Congo. Luckily for America, local power struggles resulted in Lumumba’s arrest. He was killed by a firing squad after attempting to escape.

4. Repeated kidnapping attempts

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up

CIA-backed rebels planning a military coup in Chile were frustrated by Chilean Gen. Rene Schneider, the Commander-in-Chief of the Chilean army. The rebels decided to kidnap him and made a failed attempt on Oct. 19, 1970. Another group — possibly backed by the CIA, but a 1975 Senate investigation wasn’t sure — attempted to kidnap Schneider on Oct. 20. It failed.

And so the CIA went back to the first group on Oct. 22 with a gift of machine guns and ammunition. The general was kidnapped by a third group of rebels — this one definitely not affiliated with the CIA — the same day.

Schneider later died of wounds sustained during the kidnapping.

Articles

Mattis’ ISIS plan could mean more US troops in Syria and Iraq

U.S. troop increases in Syria and Iraq could be part of the plan for speeding up the campaign against ISIS that Defense Secretary Jim Mattis will present to the White House next week, military officials said Wednesday.


Army Gen. Joseph Votel, commander of U.S. Central Command, told reporters traveling with him in the Mideast, “It could be that we take on a larger burden ourselves” in supporting a combined Syrian Arab and Syrian Kurdish force closing on the ISIS stronghold of Raqqa, Syria. “That’s an option.”

It was less clear whether Mattis would consider a U.S. troop increase in Iraq.

Also read: Here’s how McMaster differs from Flynn on Russia

Last week, during a visit by the new defense secretary to Iraq to assess the situation, Army Lt. Gen. Stephen Townsend, commander of Combined Joint Task Force-Operation Inherent Resolve, said, “I have all the authorities I need to prosecute our fight, and I am confident that if I were to need more that my leadership would provide those.”

However, Air Force Col. John Dorrian, a task force spokesman, said in a video briefing Wednesday to the Pentagon, “I don’t want to speculate on what we’re going to ask for” in presentations to Mattis. “We’ve provided our input to General Votel” and that input is working its way through the chain of command.”

He added, “We’re awaiting decisions.”

In his Senate confirmation hearing, Mattis spoke to the possibility of “accelerating” the campaign against the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria. On Jan. 27, President Donald Trump directed him to draw up a plan within 30 days.

Trump has spoken favorably on the creation of safe zones for refugees in Syria, which would potentially require major increases in the U.S. troop presence to police and protect them. The president renewed his support for safe zones at what was billed as a campaign rally in Florida last week, and said that the Gulf states would pay for them.

“We’re going to have the Gulf states pay for those safe zones,” Trump said. “They have nothing but money.”

Mattis is prepared to submit the ISIS plan to Trump next week, Navy Capt. Jeff Davis, a Pentagon spokesman, said Tuesday. “It will address ISIS globally, and it is not just a DoD plan,” he said. “We’re charged with leading the development of the plan, but it absolutely calls upon the capabilities of other departments.

“We have been working diligently with our interagency partners to develop it with the intelligence community, our military commanders on the ground, the Joint Staff and our policy team here, and it represents the input of a number of other departments,” Davis said.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
U.S. Marines with Task Force Spartan, 26th Marine Expeditionary Unit (MEU), on Fire Base Bell, Iraq, fire an M777A2 Howitzer at an ISIS infiltration route March 18, 2016. | US Marine Corps photo by Cpl. Andre Dakis

On the ground in the Mideast, Votel told reporters, “I am very concerned about maintaining momentum” in the simultaneous campaigns to take Raqqa and liberate the western sector of Mosul in northwestern Iraq.

Currently, the U.S. has about 500 troops, mostly Special Forces, in Syria and more than 5,000 in Iraq in train, assist and advisory roles. In the coming fight for Raqqa, Votel said, “We want to bring the right capabilities forward.”

“Not all of those are necessarily resident in the special operations community. If we need additional artillery or things like that, I want to be able to bring those forward to augment our operations,” Votel said, according to The New York Times.

“We might bring potentially more of our assets to bear if we need to, as opposed to relying on our partners” under the umbrella group called the Syrian Democratic Forces, he said. “That’s an option.”

In his statements last week, Townsend said U.S. troops in advisory roles are moving closer to the front lines with the Iraqi Security Forces as the battle for Mosul intensifies. “It is true that we are operating closer and deeper into the Iraqi formation,” he said. “We adjusted our posture during the east Mosul fight and embedded advisers a bit further down into the formation.”

The result has been that U.S. troops serving as Joint Terminal Attack Controllers to guide airstrikes and in other advisory capacities have increasingly come under fire, Dorrian said in his briefing from Baghdad to the Pentagon.

“When someone is shooting at you, that is combat. Yes. That has happened,” Dorrian said. “They have come under fire at different times, [and] they have returned fire at different times in and around Mosul.”

There have been no recent reports of U.S. combat deaths in Iraq, and Dorrian declined to say whether any U.S. troops had been wounded in the fighting in and around Mosul.

He said the U.S. military in Iraq and Syria does not immediately report on the number of wounded troops, if any, to avoid giving intelligence to the enemy. Casualty figures would be compiled at a later date by the Defense Department, he said.

Articles

These are the 10 deadliest self-propelled howitzers

A longtime saying in war is that artillery is the king of the battlefield.


But some artillery are better than others, but the best are those that can drive themselves to battle.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
An ARCHER Artillery System. (Wikimedia Commons)

For a long time, all artillery was towed. First the towing as done by horses, then by trucks or other vehicles. But there was a problem. The artillery took a while to set up, then, when the battery had to move — either because troops advanced or retreated – or the enemy found out where the artillery was located, it took time to do that.

Fighter pilots say, speed is life.” Artillerymen would not disagree. Towed artillery had another minus: It had a hard time keeping up with tanks and other armored fighting vehicles.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Night falls at Fort Riley, Kan., as an M109A6 Paladin self-propelled howitzer with 1st Battalion, 7th Field Artillery, fires a 155 mm shell during 2nd Armored Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division’s combined arms live-fire exercise Oct. 30, 2014. (U.S. Army photo by Sgt. John Portela/released)

The way to cut the time down was to find a way a howitzer could propel itself. The advantage was that these guns not only could support tanks and other armored units, but these guns often had an easier time setting up to fire. They could also be ready to move much faster, as well.

This ability to “shoot and scoot” made them much harder to locate.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
2S19 Msta self-propelled howitzer. (Wikimedia Commons)

Most self-propelled howitzers fire either a 152mm round (usually from Russia and China, but also from former communist countries like Serbia) or a 155mm round (NATO and most other countries). Often these guns are tracked, but some have been mounted on truck chassis, gaining a higher top speed as a result.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
A PzH 2000 self-propelled howitzer belonging to the Dutch Army fires on the Taliban in 2007. (Wikimedia Commons)

Some of the world’s best self-propelled howitzers include the American-designed M109A6 Paladin, the Russian 2S19, the South Korean K9 Thunder, and the German PzH-2000.

You can see the full list of the ten deadliest self-propelled howitzers in the video below.

Articles

Ex-President Jimmy Carter perfectly trolls Russians fighting in Syria

Given that their country’s humor is so steeped in subtle and sophisticated irony, Russian officials’ frequent inability to get a joke can be pretty mind-blowing.


And it appears that former U.S. President Jimmy Carter just had a good laugh at Moscow’s expense.

Speaking this weekend, the 91-year-old Carter said he had offered to provide Russia with accurate maps of Syria so its pilots could actually target Islamic State positions in the country — rather than U.S.-backed opponents of President Bashar al-Assad.

Carter, who was among a group of prominent former global leaders who met Putin this past spring, said the Russian president had provided him with an email address.

“I sent him a message on Thursday [October 15] asking him if he wanted a copy of our map so he could bomb accurately in Syria,” Carter said.

He added that the next day the Russian Embassy “called down and told me they would like very much to have the map. So in the future, if Russia doesn’t bomb the right places, you’ll know it’s not Putin’s fault but it’s my fault.”

The maps Carter spoke of are publicly available on the Carter Center’s website, which on October 8 published a report saying that the vast majority of Russian airstrikes in Syria were not hitting Islamic State targets.

In the video of Carter’s remarks posted in YouTube, it is clear that the 39th U.S. president, who is known to have a playful sense of humor, was just having a little fun.

WATCH: Jimmy Carter Jokes About Offering Maps To Putin

But it appears that Moscow didn’t pick up on the joke. The Interfax news agency flashed the following: RUSSIAN FOREIGN MINISTRY CONFIRMS THAT EX-U.S. PRESIDENT JIMMY CARTER HANDED MAPS INDICATING ISLAMIC STATE’S CURRENT LOCATIONS IN SYRIA TO RUSSIAN EMBASSY IN WASHINGTON

Russian news sites followed up with stories citing Russian Foreign Ministry spokeswoman Maria Zakharova as saying that “it was with a big thanks that we accepted this gesture by the former U.S.president who obviously is sincerely calling for joint efforts in the fight against terror and is concerned about the fate of the Syrian people.”

Zakharova added that she hoped that another Carter — U.S. Defense Secretary Ash Carter — would continue this spirit of cooperation.

Perhaps Zakharova was joining in on the joke. But history suggests otherwise.

The Foreign Ministry is far from the only part of official Russia that has trouble understanding contemporary humor.

Back in May, prosecutors in Rostov questioned the organizer of a local spelling bee about whether he has any connections to so-called “grammar Nazis.”

Grammar Nazi, of course, is a slang term for somebody who habitually — and often annoyingly — corrects other people’s grammar. In recent years, it has developed into a satirical Internet meme, which uses imagery that vaguely resembles swastikas.

But prosecutors in Rostov didn’t get the joke. They interrogated spelling bee organizer Aleksei Pavlovsky, asking him whether he believed people who make spelling and grammatical mistakes should be exterminated.

NOW: 5 Crimes involving a lot of troops forgiven by the United States

OR: This deadly failure in the Iranian desert lives in rescue mission infamy

 

Articles

That time Gerald Ford promoted George Washington to six-star general

In today’s military, seniority by rank is limited to four-star generals and admirals. And while public law still allows for five-star generals, one hasn’t been appointed since Omar Bradley held the rank in 1950.


Yet, six-star general is a rank that (technically) exists.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Snap to it, Truman! The buck stops when I tell it to. (DoD Photo)

Two men have held higher ranks in the Armed Forces of the United States. The latest was General John J. “Black Jack” Pershing, whose contributions to service were awarded with the title General of the Armies of the United States, complete with gold four-star insignia. His rank was higher than that of other four star generals due to an act of Congress that mandated that he remain preeminent above all personnel until his death in 1948.

Although I hope the act of Congress didn’t specify the year.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
That mustache will always be out of regs, but first in our hearts.

The other is the father of America, who wore only two stars in his lifetime, President George Washington. The Continental Congress commissioned Washington as a Major General in 1775. As Commander-In-Chief, he outranked all others fielded by Congress. After his Presidency, his successor, John Adams, promoted him to Lieutenant General and he would be on the Army rolls as Lt. Gen. Washington in perpetuity, outranked by every four- and five-star general who came after him.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
At the Pentagon, Maj. Gen. Washington would be getting coffee for the four stars. We can’t have that.

Toward the end of World War II, Congress considered promoting Gen. Douglas MacArthur, already a five-star general, to General of the Armies, on the same level as Pershing. The Army Institute of Heraldry even designed an insignia for this rank which included six stars.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
(Army Institute of Heraldry)

But as the years went on and the U.S. came closer to its bicentennial birthday, the idea that someone could outrank George Washington began to bother some in government, including President Gerald Ford. In 1976, Ford would sign a bill which promoted Washington to stand “above all grades of the Army, past or present.”

The text of the bill reads:

“Whereas it is considered fitting and proper that no officer of the United States Army should outrank Lieutenant General George Washington on the Army list: Now, therefore, be it Resolved by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled, That… The President is authorized and requested to appoint George Washington posthumously to the grade of General of the Armies of the United States, such appointment to take effect on July 4, 1976.”

News reports at the time referred to his promotion as a six-star general’s rank (though there is no mention of the insignia he would wear).

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up

House Representative Lucien Nedzl of Michigan thought the rank was unnecessary, saying “it’s like the Pope offering to make Christ a Cardinal.”

Articles

This is how the Army teaches you to ‘see green’ — not brown, black or white

Recently, the Huffington Post article “Becoming A Racist: The Unfortunate Side Effect Of Serving Your Country?” has been making its rounds across the veteran community.


Basically it’s a story about how a small group of veterans who were radicalized in Iraq and Afghanistan provide security for fringe Neo-Nazi groups. It continues with an anecdote about the author’s NYPD lieutenant uncle and his prejudice.

The piece argues that not enough is being done to aid returning veterans with Post Traumatic Stress from becoming racists. To the article’s defense, it does say the percentage of veterans pulling security for the Right Wing groups is a small one. And I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t heard a racial slur used by a piece of sh*t during my time in the U.S. Army.

However, it glosses over the U.S. military’s extremely hard stance against those ****heads and the astronomical percentage of troops who learned to see their fellow service member as not white, brown, or black, but “green.”

All the Chiefs of Staff of the Armed Forces have unequivocally denounced racism and hatred within their branch. Every value within each branch goes directly against what we all stand for. There is no way in Hell any soldier can truly live by the Army values if they are not loyal to and respect everyone on their left and right.

The Army’s diversity mission statement is: “To develop and implement a strategy that contributes to mission readiness while transforming and sustaining the Army as a national leader in diversity.” In every sense, we are.

The term “seeing green” refers to removing your view on another troop’s personal identity and welcoming them as a brother or sister in arms who also swore to “support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic.” Of course, we still understand that they are of a different ethnicity. We’re not blind. We only place importance on their rank and position.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up

We just assume that no matter what race you are, wherever you comes from, whatever religion, gender, or orientation: if you’re a young private – you’re probably an idiot no matter what. And if you’re a second lieutenant, you’re probably an idiot who’s also in the chain of command.

Troops come from all walks of life. I’ve served with former surfers from California, ranchers from Texas, and computer analysts from Illinois. Troops who grew up in the projects of Harlem to the high rises of Manhattan to trailer parks outside Atlanta to the suburbs of Cleveland.

I will forever be honored knowing they all embraced me as a brother. The life story of my friend, Spec. Allam Elshorafa, is proof that serving in the military will make you “see green” far more than the minute group of f*ckfaces that do radicalize.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Still one of his coolest photos was when he was a Private First Class. (Courtesy of Facebook)

Arriving at my first duty station in Fort Campbell, Kentucky, I wasn’t the most popular guy in the unit. I quickly realized that awkwardly talking about World of Warcraft wasn’t doing me any favors with avid fishermen and party guys, yet they still always looked out for me as one of their own.

In Afghanistan, I got to know Elshorafa. He was a Muslim born in Jerusalem. His family moved to Dallas when he was younger and as an adult, he enlisted to defend his new American home.

We quickly became friends. We’d talk about cartoons we saw as kids, video games we played as teens, and movies we hated as adults.

Things shifted when the topic of “why we enlisted” came up. He told me it was his life’s goal to help teach others that “not all Muslims are terrorists.” They are a fringe group that preys on other Muslims and are a blight on his religion.

One of radical Islam’s recruitment methods is to point at racism of westerners to rally disenfranchised Muslims. Yet, for all of the vile hatred those sh#tbags spew against the West, the largest target of Islamic terror is still other Muslims.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
A little compassion goes a long way. (Photo via Military.com)

Islamic terror to Elshorafa was the same as how every group deals with the radical sh*theads. Not all Christians are Branch Davidians, and not all Republicans are in the Alt-Right. To him, America was his home and we were his family. I, and everyone else in the platoon, embraced him as such.

My brother-in-arms ended his own life in June 2017. He joined the staggering number of veterans that still remain one of the most tragic concerns within our community. The loss still pains me, and I wear the memorial band every day.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
I’ll never take it off, brother. I even argue with the TSA over taking it off.

It didn’t matter what race or religion either of us was, Elshorafa had my six and it will always hurt that I didn’t have his in his time of need.

He taught me about his faith and never attempted to convert me. He invited me to join him at an Eid al-Fitr celebration and the food was amazing. Just as you learn the players of every other football team other than your own by hanging out with their passionate fans, you learn in the military about others’ ways of life by bullsh*tting with them.

Everyone embraces the same suck on a daily basis. We all bleed the same red. And we all wear the same ‘green.’

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The 13 funniest military memes of the week

More memes about the military. We hope you appreciate all the effort it takes to scroll through the internet finding these.


1. That’s a pretty nice car for an E1 (via Sh-t My LPO Says).

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Some shady salesman got a nice bonus from that financing.

2. The Army trains to overcome the natural fear of death.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
The Navy trains to overcome vertigo while drunk.

SEE ALSO: 5 insane military projects that almost happened

3. For those who don’t know, MCT is combat school for non-infantry Marines.

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So this is one motivated, boot POG.

4. “War is Hell …”

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up

5. That’s right, this guy is tougher than Katniss.

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No big deal or nuthin’.

6. That’s one salty giraffe (via Sh-t My LPO Says).

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
I’d pay good money to see this as a kids’ cartoon.

7. Rip Its: When they absolutely have to die tonight … (Via OIF/OEF Veterans)

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… and their friends have to be dead by morning.

8. Combat Camera: No fire limits, no limits of advance …

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… and absolutely no effects on target.

9. The Coast Guard has intelligence sailors? (Via Coast Guard Memes.)

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Pretty great set-up for the sea police.

10. “Combat.” (Via Military Memes.)

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
They can probably get a Combat Action Badge for hitting a mouse with a mower.

11. It’s the only way the sailors will go down for their naps (via Sh-t My LPO Says).

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Remember to keep a petty officer around to kiss all the boo-boos better.

 12. “I thought we started at morale bedrock.”

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up

13. Chaos 6 has a reputation.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
No one should test it.

NOW: 24 historic photos made even more amazing with color

Watch Civilians Mangle the Official Title of the Afghanistan War | Vet On The Street

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‘Missing Man’ honored after going MIA in Vietnam

Thundering jets above Colorado Springs the morning of May 9 bid a final farewell to a native son who went missing 48 years ago on a mission to bomb the Ho Chi Minh Trail.


It was a sound that Capt. Roger Helwig loved. Helwig, who was born in Trinidad and raised in Colorado Springs, was a free spirit known for meticulous honesty oddly melded with a wild streak that drove him to seek adventure in the sky.

“He was a tremendous guy,” said retired Maj. Jack Schnurr, a flight school friend, after an Air Force Academy memorial for the captain.

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
The F-4 flew bombing, combat air patrol, fighter escort, reconnaissance and the famous Wild Weasel anti-aircraft missile suppression missions. (U.S. Air Force photo by J.M. Eddins Jr.)

Helwig loved the F-4 Phantom and new bride Carol in what some joking called equal measures when he flew off for his second tour in Vietnam in 1969.

“He didn’t have to be there,” Schnurr said. “He volunteered to go back.”

On his first tour overseas, Helwig flew in the second seat of the F-4, running the plane’s weapons systems and electronics as a GIB, the military acronym for “guy in back.”

After he came home, Helwig got more flight training and headed back to war as the guy in front.

He was a forward air controller, one of the legendary “fast-FACs” who ranged far and wide over Southeast Asia spotting targets for troops on the ground.

During his final flight, Helwig and Capt. Roger Stearns were 10 miles west of Vietnam on a mission to stop the flow of arms and troops that fueled the Viet Cong insurgency. Flights against targets in neutral Laos, though, were something the Air Force avoided discussing in public.

Also read: The last US troops killed in the Vietnam War actually died two years after it ended

Records say the two had just bombed a target, and the jet was trailing a mist of fuel before it exploded. Searchers later found shredded parachutes and the remains of a life raft, but they didn’t find Helwig or Stearns.

In 1990, a Defense Department team returned to the crash site and found Stearns’ remains. Helwig stayed missing until last summer.

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Dog tags are primarily used for the identification of dead and wounded service members. (Photo: U.S. Army Human Resources Command Daniela Vestal)

His widow got a visit from the Defense POW/MIA Accounting Agency in August. Searchers had found a tiny talisman at the jungle site: Helwig’s dog tag.

“It was surreal when I held that in the palm of my hand,” Carol said May 9. “It was as if I was reliving the past.”

Dozens gathered at the academy May 9 to relive the past with her and tell stories about the 26-year-old pilot.

Lt. Col. Mike Newton, a chaplain, told mourners they need to remember Helwig’s courage.

“I have no idea what it took to fly 100 missions in Vietnam, each one of them harrowing,” Newton said. “But he strapped it on every time.”

Carol remembered the kind but kind of crazy young man she met when he was riding his motorcycle from Arizona to Washington, D.C.

She knew she was competing with a twin-engined jet for Helwig’s affection.

“He loved flying,” she said.

Helwig left no children to mourn him, but a wide array of friends came to the Air Force Academy cemetery to remember.

The academy supplied an honor guard, rifle team, and a bugler to play taps.

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The 24 notes of Taps lay heroes to rest. (U.S. Air National Guard photo by Staff Sgt. Christopher S. Muncy)

Air Combat Command offered up four F-15 Eagle fighters to blaze overhead in the missing man formation.

Carol supplied her own touch. Bells played a last waltz for the man she loved — the theme song of Doctor Zhivago, the first film they had seen together.

And as the bells played, quiet voices whispered the song’s tale of love long lost but reclaimed.

“Somewhere, my love, there will be songs to sing. Although the snow covers the hope of spring.”

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10 things to look forward to about military retirement (and 5 things not to)

Taking off the uniform and retiring is fraught with fear and uncertainty. Luckily, you’ll live. It might not seem like it sometimes after spending so much of your life in the military, but with a little persistence and patience, everything will be fine.


First, 10 things you can look forward to:

1. Higher pay

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up

This is what everyone gets excited for and it’s a good deal after you get through the searching, preparing, and interviewing processes. It takes time and can cause night sweats wondering where you’ll end up after retirement, but if you play your cards right and land a decent job then your net pay can increase by about 50 percent. It’s not Easy Street, but it’s Easier Than Before Street.

2. Stability

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
(Photo: U.S. Air Force Cpt. Angela Webb)

This is a double-edged sword. Some people like the nomadic lifestyle the military gives us and actually struggle with sitting still in one place. We enjoyed seeing new places and wondering where we’ll be sent next. So when that train stops, it’s hard for some people to deal with. Others can’t wait to put down roots in a community and never move again. It’s nice to finally have an address that doesn’t change and no chance of another deployment order.

3. PT on your time

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Staff Sgt. Gideon Connelly leaps over a gutter during training at an adaptive sports camp in Crested Butte, Colorado. He is training to be a part of the Paralympic track and field team for the 2016 Paralympic Games. (U.S. Air Force photo by Staff Sgt. Vernon Young Jr.)

If you hated early morning PT then good news … you can hit the gym at whatever time you like. Leave work early and go for an afternoon run? Why, yes, I will thanks.

4. Networking

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
(Photo: Starbucks)

This can be fun or a pain depending on how you look at it. Networking is always a good idea, especially if you’re a professional. If a post-military job doesn’t work out and you want to try something else, you have to know people who can help. So now you have a valid excuse to get out there and mingle.

5. Health insurance

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
(Photo: US Navy Mass Communication Specialist 1st Class Elizabeth Merriam)

While your co-workers at your new job are complaining about co-pay, premiums, and Obamacare, you’ll be comfortable in knowing Tricare and/or the VA system is cheap and effective … okay, now that I read that back it sounds kinda ridiculous. However, if you happen to be in an area that has a good military hospital and your family doesn’t have any major medical issues, the money you save on healthcare can be significant. I’m probably one of the few people who has nothing bad to say about the Army healthcare system, but I live outside Ft Belvoir (huge hospital) and have not had anything significant to deal with.

6. Hobbies

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
(Photo: Wikimedia)

Never had time for one before? You do now. And if your hobby is hanging out with family, even better. Build a drone, write a novel, or hike the Grand Canyon finally.

7. Joining the “old farts” organizations

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Army vet, actor, and American Legion member Johnny Jenkinson. (Photo: We Are The Mighty)

The American Legion, VFW, IAVA, and everyone else will try to get you to join their club. These groups do good things for the collective good of the military but they’re honestly not for everyone. As soon as I retired I joined my local outpost but just never really connected with them on a personal level. But I continue to pay my dues and support them because those organizations are great advocates for the veteran community.

8. Running into old friends again

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up

The American military is the biggest fraternity in the world. I live in DC and during any given month an old friend has to come here for one reason or another and we invariably get together, have a few drinks and enjoy Reason Number 9 to look forward to retirement …

9. Reliving old tales

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Military veterans share their individual stories during dinner at an adaptive sports camp in Crested Butte, Colo.

Over and over and over again. And history seems to change with each telling of the tale.

10. Facial hair

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Gen. George Crook. (Photo: Civil War archives)

Come on … you know you want to grow that sweet goatee.

Now, five things not to look forward to:

1. Loss of camaraderie

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
U.S. Air Force Staff Sgt. Richard W. Rose Jr. (Ret.) and Staff Sgt. Gideon Connelly celebrate after climbing a 50-foot mountain during an Adaptive Sports Camp in Crested Butte, Colorado. (U.S. Air Force photo by/Staff Sgt. Vernon Young Jr.)

You take the uniform off the soldier, but not the soldier out of the uniform…or something like that. The people you served with are what makes the life special. They had your back and you had theirs and it’s hard to find that camaraderie in the civilian world.

2. Lack of respect from young bucks

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
Photo: Wikimedia Commons/Mstyslav Chernov

Get it through your head that your former rank doesn’t mean anything when you get out. Even if you were a general officer, you’re Mister Jones now, so when some brazen E4 cuts in front of you in line at the PX because he’s in uniform, get over it.

3. Not being able to do what you did on active duty

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up

This is more of an age thing, but the days of running 5 miles in body armor or going on a drinking binge the night before a Company run are over. Long walks through the neighborhood are the routine now. And naps.

4. Going to the bottom of the list of priorities

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
(Photo: Greenbrier Historical Society)

Whether you’re picking up a prescription or trying to get on a MAC flight, retirees are the last priority for everything. In an instant, you go from priority one to priority none.

5. Dental insurance

8 reasons the new guy always gets caught when he screws up
(Photo: Department of Defense)

For some strange voodoo reason, Delta Dental is 4 times more expensive than any of the dental insurance plans of the civilian companies I’ve worked for since retiring. Weird.

Kelly Crigger is a retired lieutenant colonel and the author of “Curmudgeonism; A Surly Man’s Guide to Midlife.”

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