Serving in the infantry is, basically, one huge d*ck-measuring contest. Everybody, man or woman, wants to be the best at every aspect of their job.
Every day at work, infantry try to impress everyone in the squad. Day-in, and day-out, for some reason — as veterans, we’re still not sure why we tried so hard to do that.
Anyway, we lie about little things we don’t think anyone will be able to prove. However, once someone manages to call out the bullsh*t, the excuses come rolling in.
1. The reason why they expended 200 rounds during a firefight when they clearly couldn’t see the enemy.
Grunts can be trigger happy. They enjoy firing their weapons at the bad guys, hoping to score a solid kill shot, even if it means expending 90% of their ammo. Half the time, the ground pounders don’t get a clear line of sight on enemy movement from ground level.
But they still pull the trigger.
2. Why they shot so poorly at the range.
Not every infantryman is a crack shot. When you’re competing for bragging rights throughout the platoon and you don’t win, excuses are made.
3. How many girls they’ve been with prior to joining the military.
All grunts were ladies men before they signed on the dotted line. It’s incredible how joining takes all their mojo away.
4. How muscularly toned they once were before joining the infantry.
The average grunt is around 19-ish. So, it’s pretty hard to believe that your body’s metabolism has changed so quickly that you lost your muscle density.
5. About all of their outstanding achievements before shipping off to boot camp.
It’s okay, not everyone can be a high school football or wrestling star.
These guys are football stars and they aren’t in the infantry — yet.
6. How many MOS options they had, but they chose the infantry.
Boy-oh-boy can young infantrymen dream.