5 military jokes that will crack you the 'F' up - We Are The Mighty
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5 military jokes that will crack you the ‘F’ up

Everyone loves to laugh. It’s in our DNA and it’s great way to relieve stress after a hectic day.

You can be hard at work, hellbent on finished the task at hand until someone walks up and says, “did you hear that one about…”

Once you hear those magical words, your attention shifts in hopes of hearing a hilarious joke. So, check out these jokes that we’re confident you’ll repeat later.


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The retreating trooper

A troop dashes over a hill, rounds a corner, and runs right smack into the arms of a superior officer. “Where do you think you’re headed off to?” the officer inquires.

“I’m sorry, but the firefight was just too intense, captain,” replies the troop.

“What do you mean Captain? I’m a General!” the officer responds, insulted.

“Wow,” says the soldier. “I didn’t realize I ran that far backward.”

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These three lovely women

Three beautiful ladies are talking as they walk down the street. The first lady gets stung by a honey bee, and her whole arm swells up. The second lady says, “I got stung by a bumblebee once and my whole arm swelled up, too.”

The third lady says, “that’s nothing. I once got stung by a Seabee and my whole belly swelled.”

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Having pee hands

A Naval officer and a Marine gunny are in the head, taking a leak.

After the two finish, the gunny walks out and proceeds back down the hall. The Naval officer catches up with him and says, “in the Navy, they teach us to wash our hands after taking a piss.”

“No sh*t,” the gunny replies. “In the Marine Corps, they teach us never to piss in our hands.”

Stuck in the freakin’ mud

During a training exercise, a lieutenant was driving his Humvee down a muddy, rural road when he encountered another truck that was stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel sitting behind the wheel. The lieutenant pulls his Humvee alongside and asks, “is your Humvee stuck, sir?”

The superior officer steps out, holds out his hand, keys dangling, and says, “Nope, but yours is.”

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The old-school colonel

A young Marine is working late at the office one evening. As he finally makes his way out and into the night air, he spots a colonel standing by the classified document shredder in the hallway, paperwork in hand.

“Do you know how to work this thing?” asked the colonel. “My secretary’s gone home and I don’t know how to use it.”

“Yes, sir,” the young Marine replies.

He turns on the machine and takes the paperwork from the colonel, who says, “Great! I just need one copy of each” and walks away.

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