The US military's most infamous 'sky penis' drawings, ranked

For some reason, it’s always the Marine Corps that gets made fun of for Marines’ proclivity towards drawing male sexual organs on everything from Port-a-John walls to bus windows. Yet, every other branch has made a public spectacle of their penis drawings, spending likely millions of taxpayer dollars to make the most unforgettable phallic art.

The most recent member to enter this willy-nilly pantheon of shlong is the Coast Guard, whose depiction of a one-eyed monster off the coast of Mexico is truly one of the most memorable.

While the Coast Guard’s leadership told Task & Purpose that the flight was “unacceptable,” what’s done is done. It might be time to create a gallery or whatever you do with an entire school of art that uses the Earth (and Mars) as a palette.

To honor the men (and maybe women? but definitely men) who risk their careers to have a little fun and make civilians laugh, here’s a definitive ranking of all the times a unit decided to form a member.

1. The Coast Guard

See above. The U.S. military is supposed to be known for its attention to detail, and here the Coast Guard does not disappoint. Look at it: the only addition that could give this rendering more depth is some shading. This appears to have been intentionally created in the style of Pablo Picasso.

2. NASA’s Mars Rover

Vandalizing another planet takes this to a whole new level. NASA’s Spirit Rover landed on Mars in January 2004 with the mission of analyzing rocks and soil for evidence of water activity from eons ago. Although the rover was officially declared dead in 2010, NASA and the Jet Propulsion Laboratory continued to release photos taken from the red planet.

In 2013, eagle-eyed viewers noticed a distinct drawing on the Martian surface – and so many viewers came to see that it crashed the NASA website.

3. The Navy’s “Sky Penis”

You have to respect the true original, the one that started it all: the crew of a U.S. Navy EA-18G Growler used their contrails to form what became known as the “sky penis” above Okanagen, Washington. They knowingly drew the willy in the sky, with the full knowledge and support of their mission commander, who was watching from another Growler.

4. An Air Force tanker over Syria

On Nov. 2, 2022, an Air Force KC-135 Stratotanker loitered for hours, but when its flightpath was revealed by FlightRadar24, it formed a very distinctive, very ballsy shape. The U.S. Air Force, of course, claims that the tanker was simply executing its mission, and its path was completely unintentional.

We award bonus points for the tanker pointing its sky penis at Tartus, which was then a Russian Naval base in Syria.

5. The Marine Corps’ T-34 Trainer

In 2018, the Marines finally got in on the joke when a T-34C trainer aircraft was caught making a fairly detailed, yet still rudimentary instrument drawing near Slab City, Calif. (which makes it funnier somehow).

Unfortunately, penis drawings don’t sit as well with the Marine Corps brass as they might with some Marine Corps junior enlisted. The pilots were grounded and their fates (as well as their names) remain unknown.

6. The Air Force’s F-35 Dogfight

In May 2019, the skies over Luke Air Force Base in Arizona were vandalized by another phallic image. The Air Force said its F-35s were engaged in dogfight practice and the dong-like contrails were incidental.

We award extra points to the Air Force for doing this in the world’s most expensive fighter aircraft, but we have to deduct points for not owning up to the fact that they made a penis drawing.

Don’t Miss the Best of Mighty History

We Are The Mighty is a celebration of military service, with a mission to entertain, inform, and inspire those who serve and those who support them. We are made by and for current service members, veterans, spouses, family members, and civilians who want to be part of this community. Keep up with the best in military culture and entertainment: subscribe to the We Are The Mighty newsletter.