Humor

5 reasons why King Leonidas would make the best platoon sergeant ever

In 2006, a film about how 300 Spartan warriors, led by a king known as Leonidas, went to war against a massive Persian army debuted in cinemas across the globe.


The film was an instant success. Suddenly, it was a universally accepted fact that Spartans kicking the crap out of someone is a reliable way of ending a dispute. The story follows King Leonidas, a man bred to be a warrior king from the moment he was born, as he leads his loyal army against Greece's enemies.

Though extremely outnumbered, Leonidas valorously leads his mean up against the odds and ends up dying alongside them in battle — which is totally unheard of today.

Related: 6 DC comic heroes who served in the Army

1. He leads from the front

Many so-called "leaders" actually lead from the rear, which means they issue an order, watch their men do all the dangerous sh*t, and then take all credit for it.

King Leonidas was in front of all the battle formations and would often step forward, on his own, to kill as many people as possible.

That's what we call a freakin' leader.

(Warner Brothers' 300)

2. He f*cks the enemy up on the spot

King Leonidas wasn't out to win any hearts or minds. Instead, he intended to rip out your heart and put a blade through your mind.

If you come around his FOB and talk sh*t, he'll Spartan kick you in front of everybody.

(Warner Brothers' 300)

3. He is the same person at home as he is with his men

Some troops in high positions shed their aggression when they get home — not King Leonidas. In fact, he started training his son in hand-to-hand combat while he was still wearing diapers. That's what we call "startin' em off early."

4. He knows a sh*tty soldier when he sees one

Leonidas knows talent when he sees it. He plainly dismisses a fellow Greek's plea to fight the Persian empire because he wasn't physically capable of fighting like a true Spartan. Real leaders don't want you on their team if you can't keep up with the rest of the hard-chargers.

(Warner Brothers' 300)

Also Read: 5 ways your platoon would be different with Rambo in charge

5. He knew military strategy

Leonidas develops a master plan to use the land to his advantage and take out a vast Persian army with only 300 men. The idea works, too, until that dude who he denied earlier snitches him out like a punk-a**. It happens.

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