Much like dogs, it is said that servicemen and women age at seven times the rate of civilians while on active duty.
Long hours, high standards, and a constantly combat-ready mindset are key factors in this unpublished (read: not real) scientific study that has been conducted by the subjects themselves for over 243 years.
Not convinced? Well, as they say, “the proof is in the pudding,” and what follows is evidence that cannot be denied.
1. Growing gray hair.
There really isn’t too much needed to qualify this statement. Serving in the military will give you gray hair due to the crazy stress service members face during their time in uniform.
2. Making awful noises when standing up.
All branches are included, but we’re highlighting Army and Marine Corps infantry specifically on this one.
Humping heavy packs, digging fighting positions, sleeping outdoors, and sprinting in full battle rattle has left these once-youthful specimens grunting like f*cking elephants any time they try to stand from a seated position.
3. Complaining about kids today.
Deploying overseas can sometimes make it seem like time stands still. You get no new music and you have limited contact with the outside world as pop culture grows and transforms.
This, combined with the mass re-prioritization of values that happens during basic, cultivates some condescending views towards civilians of the same generation.
4. Talking about the good ol’ days.
It’s been said that you must earn your happy memories through hard times. The greater the shared hardship with friends, the happier the memories when reminiscing about it later.
There is no shortage of shared hardship while in good company in the military, so a group of veteran 20-somethings getting together and sharing war stories from the “good ol’ days” is not uncommon.
5. Enjoying black coffee and quiet mornings.
It’s just nice to wake up an hour or so before you need to and enjoy some peace and quiet with a cup of joe.
Most people don’t fully understand this majesty until they are well into their fifties, but sleeping in the field is generally uncomfortable, so appreciating the joys waking up early and having hot coffee is instilled in troops at a much younger age.
6. Talking about driving directions and the weather.
This bleeds over from route selection and weather statuses with regard to mission accomplishment.
It becomes a habit to ensure that when you’re going and how you’re getting there is planned appropriately and military members love discussing these tactics — even if it’s at a BBQ with some beers and buddies.
7. Reading books about war.
People like to read about things that apply to them — subjects they relate to. So, it comes as no surprise that books about war are of interest to the GWOT generation.
That and the exploits of our fathers and grandfathers always seems more badass because of the lack of technologies we are blessed with today.
We sent our “Vet On The Street,” Marine Corps veteran and comic James P. Connolly, to Santa Monica, California, to find out if your average civilian could explain what information is included on dog tags.
China’s fight against the deployment of a battery of Terminal High-Altitude Air Defense missiles has now expanded to the deployment of hip-hop.
No, you didn’t read that wrong – China’s now using a rap video as a form of public diplomacy against the ballistic missile defense system, according to a report by the New York Times. The video seems to be bombing, with less than 50,000 views on YouTube.
The video, in English and Chinese, urges South Korea to reconsider the system’s deployment.
Dubbed “CD Rev,” the rap group is based out of Sichuan, China, and has done other videos in support of Beijing’s government — including one on that country’s claims in the South China Sea, a maritime flashpoint involving five other countries, as well as a video celebrating the legacy of Mao Tse-Tung.
A London Daily Mail report from 2011 noted that Mao was responsible for at least 45 million deaths during “The Great Leap Forward,” a brutal attempt to shift the country from an agricultural-based economy to an industrial one.
The deployment of THAAD has drawn sharp criticism from China – and the reactions have included hacking that targeted the South Korean company that allowed the battery of missiles to be placed on a golf course it owned. The South Korean Ministry of Foreign Affairs was also hacked. China has also been blocking videos of South Korean artists, particularly from the K-pop genre.
South Korea recently elected Moon Jae-in, who has favored diplomacy with North Korea, as President after the impeachment and removal from office of Park Geun-Hye.
The THAAD battery, consisting of six launchers that each hold eight missiles along with assorted support vehicles, was deployed to South Korea to counter the threat posed by North Korea’s ballistic missiles. According to ArmyRecognition.com, the system has a range of over 600 miles.
The United States has other options to shoot down a North Korean ballistic missile, including the sea-based RIM-161 Standard SM-3. The system is considered far more capable than the MIM-104 Patriot systems that the United States, Japan, and South Korea have deployed.
When men and women around the globe enlist in the Navy with a contract to become Corpsmen, it’s a pretty good feeling.
Good recruiters can make chipping paint and shining brass sound bad ass (“think of the adventure!”), but let’s be honest: they have quotas to fill each month, people.
For the most part, they’ll tell you the truth about what will be asked of you while you serve, but there are some details that don’t make it into the recruiting pamphlets.
As a “Doc,” you’ll get to work alongside and assist Doctors, nurses, and IDCs (Independent Duty Corpsmen), gaining knowledge from them to support your career moving forward; but that’s not all you’ll have to do.
Check out these unusual tasks Corpsmen never saw coming.
Probably the most popular slang “medical” term in any branch. Typically, temperature is taken orally, but if someone falls out of a hike or PT because of heat exhaustion…standby for the bullet.
Feared by all
2. Having sick call in your barracks room
When Corpsmen get stationed with the Marines (also known as the Greenside), you typically live with them in the barracks. This also means a lot of your medical gear is right there in the room with you.
If your Marines love you, which most of them do, they tend to show up at your barracks door at 0400 for an I.V. treatment to “rehydrate” them an hour before mandatory PT.
The B.A.S. or Battalion Aid Station isn’t open on nights, weekends, or early mornings — just normal office hours.
3. Bore punching
Working sick call as a boot Corpsman, you’ll get exposed to some interesting on-job-training. Bore punching is a euphemism for swabbing male genitals for an STD with a 6 inch Q-tip. Yup! Right down the pee hole.
If your Chief or Lieutenant are “too busy” and they say you need to do it for a patient — you need to do it.
Welcome to the Navy, baby!
4. Finger waving
No, this isn’t the newest break dancing move or a classy way to hit on someone at the bar — it’s the alternative name for a rectal exam. It is shocking what the Navy allows Corpsman to do after only 12-16 weeks of training.
Don’t forget the lube! Can you think of any more? Comment below. And don’t forget to include all the slang terms for Corpsmen.
But when the reporter asked Ermey “When you were in the Marines, which branch did you make fun of?” And with a grin on his face, The Gunny jokes “That would be Uncle Sam’s Canoe Club“.
But that had to have been from back in his active duty days. No one would ever make fun of the branch that’s closest to the TSA Agents staffing metal detectors in our nation’s air ports these days, right?
It’s all in good fun, guys. Only family can mock family. “You know, everyone bleeds the same color,” Ermey said.
Let’s face it. The world likes — and America loves — zombie movies.
The idea of having to fight across the countryside and through clustered cities, cutting down hordes of the undead with a shotgun is enticing.
That’s why zombie movies and video games do so well. The “Resident Evil” franchise released its sixth film 20 years after its first video game hit the market. That’s a two-decade run for, “Zombies, but like, monsters, too.”
But, sorry, Milla Jovovich fans. There is no way that a zombie outbreak is taking over the U.S. or any allied country while the American military is around. Here’s how the U.S. would respond to a zombie outbreak, shutting it down quickly.
First, let’s assume that an entire country was ravaged before America geared up, just for funsies. (But, really, military human intelligence collectors and signal intelligence should have given us the heads up before a single town was wiped out). And let’s assume it’s a country that emphatically said the U.S. military wasn’t welcome, and that’s why the outbreak went on as long as it did.
And, Russia has good topography for containing zombies. Because of the mountain ranges (in black, below) and the Arctic Circle (in red), there are only a few places where zombies could conceivably break out of Russia to threaten the rest of the world in large numbers.
So, small contingents of the Navy can patrol the Arctic and a few dozen companies of POGs can guard the mountain ranges, picking off the few zombies lucky enough to make it through the mountain passes.
But the western and southern breakout zones could be huge problems for American allies and the world as a whole.
The southern breakout zones would give the zombies access to Kazahkstan and maybe Mongolia. The western gives a large front that hits Ukraine, Estonia, Latvia, and Finland. It also hits Belarus, but they hate America nearly as much as Russia does, so screw ’em.
So what could 632,000 ground combatants supported by the largest navy and the most advanced air force in the world possibly do against 130 million zombies?
Lol. They would kill an average of 205.7 zombies each, and it would be awesome.
The Navy would park multiple carriers in the Baltics and Barents seas. From there, they could fly strike aircraft and sensor platforms to find and target large clusters of zombies.
The Air Force would bring its own strike and ground attack planes as far east in Europe as they could hold the line. From there, A-10s and AC-130s would rain hot lead in support of ground pounders while B and F-series planes blanket the countryside with bombs.
Finally. Guilt-free carpet bombing is back.
And sure, none of these are the headshots needed to permanently put down a zombie. But a few hundred pounds of explosives will mess up a zombie’s legs pretty badly, as will 30 mike-mike through the chest. Pretty sure that will make the infantry and other ground maneuver forces’ jobs a little easier.
Speaking of which, the Marine Corps and Army are going to love the most entertaining range they’ve ever held. Think about it. What sucks most about range days? First, being put on target detail. And, second, having to shut down the range every time a turtle wanders by.
Guess what? No one is going to order a range halt because of a turtle when a bio menace is marching towards Paris. And there’s no need for a target detail when the targets can be lured with the sound of gunfire.
So, the Marines and soldiers basically get to call shots to each other as they gun down crippled zombies over a couple of thousand miles of the Russian border. If the engineers can wait to shoot zombies long enough to dig a couple of trenches and raise concertina obstacles, it’ll delay the already wounded zombies even further.
And don’t think the artillery and mortarmen are going to let a chance to practice against undead targets pass them by.
The biggest challenge is going to be making sure that all those cavalry, infantry, etc. have enough ammo. But remember, American logistics troops train to maintain operations in a contested environment. This time, they would have completely safe roads, railways, and rivers to use without fear of significant enemy resistance.
Hell, the operation could probably be catered.
So soldiers and Marines could simply mow down the oncoming hordes, talking the machine guns and interchanging barrels to prevent a meltdown. No Milla Jovovich needed (though she would probably be welcome on a USO tour or something).
Of course, the Navy SEALs can be used to clean out river deltas where zombies were washed downstream attempting a crossing, and the Green Berets can jump into zombie-held territory to try and train up survivors for resistance operations if they like.
But zombie operations are basically just the world’s easiest siege. None of the enemies can tunnel, or use weapons, or conduct coordinated military operations. Easy, peasy.
For the uninitiated, OFP is a military initialism that means, “own f*cking program.” The term is commonly used by one service member in reference to another that seems to be immune from formations, uniform inspections, working parties, and the general tomf*ckery that goes along with being a part of the world’s most elite fighting forces.
This is not to say these individuals do not work hard or are not important to the fight. In fact, in most situations, the reason they are OFP is because of the vital tasks they perform — sometimes at odd hours.
Let’s explore the duties and responsibilities of the individuals the military allows to be on their own f*cking program.
Military Working Dog handlers are responsible for the care and training of his or her service dog, which contributes to combat operations abroad and installation security at home by providing targeted odor detection (explosive/drug).
Service dogs, generally seen as a non-lethal option for neutralizing a threat, also serve as a psychological deterrent during law enforcement operations.
In other words, these badasses are expected to play with their dogs — it’s their job and no one can tell them not to.
2. Ammunition Technicians – all services (various titles)
Ammo techs do everything that needs to be done regarding ammunition, including receipt, storage, issue, and handling of ammunition and toxic chemicals.
They often spend hours driving around to various ranges ensuring compliance with standards regarding ammo. They often have their own office and a parking spot at the S-shops — all as an E-4.
3. Enlisted Aide for Generals/Admirals – all services
Speaking of OFP, enlisted aides are responsible for… well, I’ll let the official enlisted aide guidebook do the talking:
The good news is your only boss is a general and he/she is usually very busy.
4. CBRN Defense Specialist – all services (various titles)
These are the sadists adorned in gas masks and HAZMAT suits, making their military brothers and sisters cry with CS gas (commonly called “tear gas” by Eagles fans).
They are tasked with monitoring, detecting, training for, and advising anything that has to do with Chemical, Biological, Radiological, or Nuclear threats.
CBRN personnel are often ridiculed for their abundant “spare time.”
5. Religious Program Specialist/Chaplain Assistant (“Chap-Ass”) – all services except the Marines
These motivators are tasked with supporting chaplains in any area that does not require ordination or pastoral counseling.
The title explains most of the job, however, these guys have one boss and he or she is generally the most understanding, kind, and generally happy person in uniform.
6. Marine Corps Infantry Weapons Specialist – aka “GUNNER”
A “Marine Gunner” is qualified to train Marines on the proper employment of all weapons systems organic to the infantry. That includes, but is not limited to, pistols, rifles, machine-guns, rockets, mortars, missiles, explosives, and their associated accessories.
To qualify for selection as a “Marine Gunner,” you must be a Gunnery Sergeant with 16 years active duty in the infantry and have served as an Infantry Platoon Sergeant. Upon selection, Marines are promoted to the rank of Chief Warrant Officer 2, but a “Marine Gunner” is always referred to as “Gunner,” never CWO.
There are about 102 Gunners total in the Corps.
After a tour with an infantry battalion, they move on to billets as regimental and divisional Gunners, range OICs, and various other positions where Gunners continue to teach infantry skills to Marines.
So check out these six reasons why you need a sense of humor in the infantry
1. You have to find a way to laugh off the rough times.
Being deployed to a combat zone means you’re more than likely going to live through and see some crazy shit. After surviving a close call, it’s natural for troops to crack a dark joke or two in order to mentally settle themselves after a serious situation. Laughter is the best medicine.
Combat zones can be intense and traumatic. Humor makes everything better!
Sometimes just being immature takes some of the pressure off. When you’re stationed out in the middle of nowhere, you don’t have much except the comedy that you come up with in your head. Fart and d*ck jokes are a great go-to comedy tools.
I just recorded the battalion commander peeing.
3. We prank each other to help pass the time.
Grunts usually have a crap ton of downtime if they aren’t patrolling or manning a post. This allows us to come up with plenty of ways to prank another troop with what we have on hand — which isn’t much.
It takes awhile to come up with the pranks, but some troops are better than others.
Some troops just have it.
4. We play “grab ass” all the time.
After living, training, and being deployed for months on end, troops develop a bond that earns us the right to “ball tap” or play “grab ass” without much legal consequence. But if you play “grab ass” with another troop, you better sleep with one eye open as playful revenge is coming.
Someone is going to get themselves some payback later.
This game is typically controlled under false pretenses as getting your mark into proper position can be challenging.
5. It boosts everyone’s morale.
When you’re deployed, the days tend to blend. Fridays feel like Mondays because no one is keeping track — we have the same routine every single day. Like we said before, laughter is the best medicine so if you can’t learn to laugh — it sucks to be you.
6. We constantly give each other shit because it’s our way of bonding.
Grunts don’t typically volunteer to talk about their hopes and dreams that often. Instead, we tell stories of being back home and the people we slept with (not sparing any details), as well as, how much beer we’re going to drink when we get home.
Joking and shit talking builds us pretty tight bonds. So if you can’t do that, once again, that sucks for you.
You wouldn’t think a heist movie set during the Iraq War would provide a particularly accurate look at military life. But while the 1999 movie “Three Kings” has a lot of problems, it gets a surprising number of Army-life details right.
Here are seven times the filmmakers nailed it:
1. Troops waste key resources by having a water bottle fight in the middle of the desert:
Yes, the ceasefire ending the war had just been announced, but this is still bad resource management.
2. An American officer communicates with Iraqis by speaking at the exact same time as his interpreter:
We’re sure the Iraqi soldiers who can understand English are glad that you’re yelling it over the guy speaking Arabic. And your troops are probably enjoying the two loud audio streams washing over them all day.
3. A group of soldiers finds a secret document in a guy’s butt and it immediately falls to the junior soldier to pull it out:
This is literally the only time that it makes sense for a specialist to pull rank.
4. A Special Forces major is trying to get the story of what happened with the secret butt map and everyone on the base tells him a different rumor:
Seriously, when did you ever get the truth on your first try from a base rumor mill?
5. A junior enlisted soldier is given the chance to ask questions about an upcoming, risky mission and he wastes it:
Yeah, the Special Forces selections process is the most important thing to learn about before you conduct a four-man raid against an Iraqi bunker filled with gold.
6. A guy clearing his first bunker tries some stupid stuff that he saw in a movie and immediately regrets it:
You shot a deadbolt. The deadbolt is still in the door. Your shoulder is not as strong as the iron holding that door in place. Moron.
7. When the group’s escape is ruined because the junior guy can’t find his gas mask that is supposed to be strapped to his leg.
Notice that while he doesn’t have his mask — which is essential to surviving the gas weapons that have already been used in this war — strapped to his person, but his survival knife is easily accessible. Because he’ll definitely need that knife.
8. A blue falcon immediately dimes out the group to the senior brass, even though no one has asked him a question:
Seriously, Private Falcon, no one asked you. Just stand there quietly.
If you didn’t pick the U.S. Army that day you walked through your local strip mall mulling over which branch to choose, then you missed out.
Let’s face it. The demonym most people use for troops and service members is soldier. And there’s a damn good reason for that!
#1. We do awesome sh*t constantly.
Can you believe that civilians actually pay to go camping or to the shooting range?
You can forever play the “Oh, you think that is cool? Well I did…” stories in the lunch room at work.
#2. Because James Earl Jones.
The Marines may have Kylo Ren from the new Star Wars films, but we had his grandpa, Darth Vader.
#3. No one ever wanted to dress up as a Marine, Sailor, or Airman as a kid.
Kids running around with toy guns? They’re playing Army.
G.I. Joe? Mostly associated with the Army.
Those little green Army men? You get my point.
#4. We actually get to play with our cool toys.
Show of hands. How many airmen and sailors actually got to fly the planes or steer the ships their branch is known for doing? Now how many soldiers got to use the weapons our branch is known for using? Thought so.
#5. The Army has style.
We have always had the freshest looking uniforms throughout military history. Even when you’ve low crawled in the mud, Army uniforms look better than whatever the hell the Navy calls their blueberry uniforms.
#6. Our boy, Captain America, is one of the most recognizable fictional characters.
Show a picture of Captain America to nearly anyone. I bet you that they can tell you exactly what his name is and his branch of service.
#7. No guts. No glory.
Yeah. Things suck some times. No denying that.
But if you don’t embrace the suck, live the suck, love the suck, and become the suck — you don’t have the privilege of calling yourself a bad ass.
#8. You personally get to deliver 5.56mm of freedom at a max effective range at 500 meters to piece of sh*t terrorists.
Every branch has POGs (Persons Other than Grunt.) Every branch has a version of a grunt. The Army has the highest “Hooah Sh*t” per capita. At least our POGs try to elevate themselves above their “glorified cheerleader” status.
The only down side is knowing that when you get out, you will never be as bad ass as you were when you were doing “Hooah Sh*t.”
#9. Almost every iconic General officer in American history was in the Army.
Crack open a history book. Nearly every great General gained their notoriety in the U.S. Army. You’re in good hands.
Not to discredit the other branches who have given our country the best military tacticians the world has ever seen (because this list is done ‘tongue in cheek’ and at the end of the day, we’re all brothers and sisters on the same team).