7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy - We Are The Mighty
Humor

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

Allotments are a good way for troops to schedule a payment directly through Defense Finance and Accounting Service (DFAS), the service directly responsible for paying servicemembers. An allotment sets aside a portion of future paychecks and automatically sends the money elsewhere. If used properly, it can schedule payments on necessities or move funds to savings accounts. An allotment can be cancelled when the debt is paid or the savings goal is reached and troops can enjoy their full pay check again.


But young boots don’t see it that way. They may see it as an easy “IOU” and let Uncle Sam worry about the rest. They waste their money on useless crap and end up paying much more in the end — especially if they forget to cancel the allotment. Without research, they fall victim to very unsexy interest rates.

That’s not to say that vendors of everything on this list are hunting down dumb E-1’s in predatory manner. Some things on this list are beneficial and are encouraged, if taken care of properly. But you know, boots will be dumb and waste their when given the chance — are here’s the proof:

1. Tattoos

Not only do boots get the dumbest tattoos ever, but they often forget that good tattoos cost money, so instead of doing some research, they walk into the sketchy tattoo parlor outside the main gate.

Instead of paying the $500 even if the quality of the tattoo should have only cost $250 for an EGA tattoo, boots will set up a five month allotment giving the tattoo parlor $150 each month (if you’re not into math in public, that’s $750).

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Remember the tattoo forever, not the payment. (U.S. Navy photo by MCS 3rd Class Sean Elliott)

2. Gaming computers

The boot finally got out of momma’s basement and finally ready to become the bad ass they always played in video games!

Living in the barracks rent-free and using a meal card for food means boots have discretionary income for the first time ever…which they put right into an overpriced gaming computer that will be obsolete by the time they finish paying it off.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

3. TVs

Kind of similar to the gaming computers, but when someone sets up an allotment for a TV it’s usually more costly and takes up their entire barracks room.

If you need a giant ass TV so you can view every last pixel of whatever you’re watching, cool; but if you’re still straining your eyes while sitting at the other end of your barracks room, you kind of wasted your money.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
If you do have a huge TV, you better be hosting every party at your place! (U.S. Army photo by Sgt. James Avery)

4. Weapons

Everyone should be able to own a weapon. It’s their right. The problem comes when someone pays for a beautiful hunting rifle and then they learn they can’t keep it in the barracks.

Nearly every military installation has a policy on firearms being stored in lower enlisted housing. So to comply with the policy, firearms are to be held in the unit’s arms room. Think of how much of a pain in the ass it is getting your designated firearm out of the arms room on training days when the armorer is actually there — it’s even worse when you want to go to the range on their day off.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Good luck trying to get that dude there on a weekend. (Photo by Sgt. Emily Greene)

5. “Pay Day” loans

If you need money fast, there are countless other ways of going about it. Each branch has variations on an emergency relief funds to aid their troops in need of quick cash. And yes, your commander does need to sign off on it. And yes, it is still a loan you need to eventually pay back.

The problem with “Pay Day” loans is with the afore-mentioned interest rates.

Let’s say you borrow $100. If you go through the headache of getting your commander’s signature and the approval for the money, it’s interest free. You just slowly pay the $100 back. If you go through a “Pay Day” loan office off-base, they’ll charge interest, so now you’ve got to pay that loan off as soon as you can or you end up paying nearly quadruple the original amount.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

6. Star Cards

This falls into the “good if done properly” category. Military Star Cards are essentially credit cards that you can only use on military installations. They can be a great way for a young E-1 to help build credit to balance out the “credit inexperience” that shows up on everyone’s credit score early on. They can also be a great “Oh sh*t!” account if you need something that you can buy on-base. As a bonus, the rates are usually less aggressive than most credit card companies.

But if you’re a dumb boot who doesn’t understand that credit cards are not free money, well, the Star Card is a program of The Exchange and they’re far more knowledgeable in the military’s finance system than you.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Ever since they allowed the Star Card to be used at the Commissary, it’s even more valuable. But still, you shouldn’t max it out on beer unless you plan on paying it off at the end of the month. (Photo by Julie Mitchell)

7. Used cars

Two general rules of thumb when buying a used car outside a military installation: Bring a mechanic from your unit’s motor pool with you to help negotiate the price (for a case of beer and they’ll be a show-of-force to intimidate predatory car salesmen), and never ever EVER buy from a place that advertises “E-1 and above approved!” more than the actual cars.

Respectable car lots will sell you a car based on it’s Kelley Blue Book price and an interest rate befitting of your credit score, regardless of your pay grade or whether you’re in the military or not. Since your military service is an excellent “proof of income,” you shouldn’t have a hard time getting approved at a respectable car lot. So yes, setting up an allotment to them for your vehicle is a good example of how to properly set up an allotment.

But watch out for the sharks at places that give all used car salesmen their bad reputation. They prey on an E-1’s doubts about getting a beautiful Ford Mustang from anywhere else. They’ll say something like “If you set up an allotment, it’ll be fine!” They know the system and they’ll use it against you.

So congratulations! You may have driven off with that Mustang, but you’re going to be paying for it at a 31% interest rate for the next six years for 800% more than what Kelley Blue Book says it’s worth.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Third rule: If they ever say something like “For you, my friend,” don’t listen — they’re about to f*ck you…and not in the good way. (Photo by Emilio Labrador)

Humor

The 13 funniest memes for the week of Nov. 17

Justice League comes out this weekend but you don’t care because you’ve been waiting for your Real-Life Justice League enlistment to end for the last four years.


These memes are for those sick of saving the world.

1. With all the sex scandals happening, its good that we can still count on something. (via Decelerate Your Life)

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Oh baby yes.

2. Try putting a dominoes pizza hotkey on an AR-15 though.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

Somewhat related: 6 reasons why Marines hate on the Air Force 

3. Tonight: The story of literally every day in the military. (via Team Non-Rec)

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Update: You’re not going home anytime soon.

4. Guess how I know it’s not Fort Bragg. (via US Army WTF Moments)

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
A paratrooper would have done a parachute landing fall out the window.

5. There isn’t enough Motrin in the world to fix that foundation.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Also, it smells weird and no one wants to go there.

6. Because what we call a “deployment” is relative.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Bums.

Now: This is why Fallujah is one of the Marine Corps’ most legendary battles

7. “Follow me on my adventure through this office.”

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Now back to the quiet safe room.

8. Call me when woobies become fashionable wear.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Urban Outfitters will never sell this color.

9. Welcome to BX barber shop.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Or the MPF. Definitely the MPF.

The guy who wrote this is cool: That time an entire battle stopped to watch two soldiers in a fistfight

10. Anything with snowflake, cuck, safe place, trigger warning.  (via Decelerate Your Life)

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

11. Congress is about to pass a new defense bill.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Those babies are illegal under the Geneva Convention.

12. This one’s for the good cops out there.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

13. Why the Coast Guard’s job is harder than you think.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

This post is so Fresh it moved to Bel-Air: Watch Gordon Ramsey live a day in the life of a Royal Marine

MIGHTY TRENDING

11 sniper memes that will make you laugh for hours

Trained snipers are some of the most dangerous warfighters ever to hit the battlefield. The history books have been inked with the legends of the most talented, deadliest snipers. Their methodical, near-surgical approach is the stuff of nightmares for the enemy and many live in constant fear of being placed in their crosshairs.

Snipers will lay still for hours as they stalk their target, waiting for that perfect shot. When you look through a scope for hours at a time, it’s hard not to entertain your brain by coming up with some dark humor. So, we’re here to show the world the humorous side of snipers.


7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
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7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
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7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Articles

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of Aug. 19

More funny military memes than you can shake a stick at.


Actually, there’s just the 13. You might be able to shake a stick at 13 things. Look, just check out the memes:

1. Seriously, that guy you hate sucks so hard. He shouldn’t be promoted (via Pop Smoke).

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Maybe. We don’t actually know him. Or you.

2. This would sting less if it weren’t true (via Pop Smoke).

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
The only way to make this more correct would be if the dude on the far left was a 40-year-old specialist.

SEE ALSO: Navy names Arleigh Burke destroyer after World War II Marine hero

3. Garden warfare has been a neglected specialty that we need to reinforce (via Sh*t my LPO says V2.0).

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Plants are one of the only ways to properly counter zombies.

4. Look, first sergeant. We both know I have neither the power nor the inclination to fix this (via Team Non-Rec).

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I am predisposed to taking bets on who breaks a limb first if you want in on this action.

5. If you really wanted your freedom, there’s always the dishonorable discharge (via Why I’m Not Re-Enlisting).

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
The ETS route takes forever.

6. Perfect screengrab, but Will Smith got sent to Bel Air instead of 29 Palms (via Team Non-Rec).

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Marines aren’t so lucky.

7. Wait, do the Coast Guardsmen really wear life preservers during basic training drills?

(via Coast Guard Memes)

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You’re right, Coast Guard. That is so much worse than the Army and their 30+ pounds of armor.

8. “Why yes, it is the SF of the Air Force,” is not technically a lie (via Military Memes).

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
If he says that you’ll be infantry or special operations, he’s full of it.

9. That dead sprint only matters if the star chambers are properly cleaned (via Pop Smoke).

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Bet you leave the armory more slowly than went there.

10. “Oh, you had to get a new backpack to carry your notebooks? How cute.”

(via Military Memes)

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

11. Wait, the sign clearly says that adult supervision is required (via NavyMemes.com).

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Where are all the chiefs?

12. Joint Terminal Attack Controllers may be cocky, but everyone’s fine with it if they can get effects on target (via Military Memes).

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Don’t pray for deliverance, bring it with you.

13. Or, “When people complain about the backseat of a car.”

(via Military Memes)

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Oh, your legs are cramped. Are they really?

popular

This is the military branch R. Lee Ermey says Marines made fun of the most

Deep down, we all knew it was going to be the Coast Guard.


In 2015, a TMZ reporter stopped R. Lee Ermey at the airport and asked if he had to pick one branch to send into a fight, who would it be?

This is “The Gunny” we’re talking about. You’re damn right he trusts the Corps and every knuckle dragging Jarhead in it. Next were the Squids, because SEALS. Then soldiers, because Special Forces.

No love for the Chair Force.

But when the reporter asked Ermey “When you were in the Marines, which branch did you make fun of?” And with a grin on his face, The Gunny jokes “That would be Uncle Sam’s Canoe Club“.

But that had to have been from back in his active duty days. No one would ever make fun of the branch that’s closest to the TSA Agents staffing metal detectors in our nation’s air ports these days, right?

It’s all in good fun, guys. Only family can mock family. “You know, everyone bleeds the same color,” Ermey said.

Humor

5 reasons why King Leonidas would make the best platoon sergeant ever

In 2006, a film about how 300 Spartan warriors, led by a king known as Leonidas, went to war against a massive Persian army debuted in cinemas across the globe.


The film was an instant success. Suddenly, it was a universally accepted fact that Spartans kicking the crap out of someone is a reliable way of ending a dispute. The story follows King Leonidas, a man bred to be a warrior king from the moment he was born, as he leads his loyal army against Greece’s enemies.

Though extremely outnumbered, Leonidas valorously leads his mean up against the odds and ends up dying alongside them in battle — which is totally unheard of today.

Related: 6 DC comic heroes who served in the Army

1. He leads from the front

Many so-called “leaders” actually lead from the rear, which means they issue an order, watch their men do all the dangerous sh*t, and then take all credit for it.

King Leonidas was in front of all the battle formations and would often step forward, on his own, to kill as many people as possible.

That’s what we call a freakin’ leader.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
(Warner Brothers’ 300)

2. He f*cks the enemy up on the spot

King Leonidas wasn’t out to win any hearts or minds. Instead, he intended to rip out your heart and put a blade through your mind.

If you come around his FOB and talk sh*t, he’ll Spartan kick you in front of everybody.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
(Warner Brothers’ 300)

3. He is the same person at home as he is with his men

Some troops in high positions shed their aggression when they get home — not King Leonidas. In fact, he started training his son in hand-to-hand combat while he was still wearing diapers. That’s what we call “startin’ em off early.”

4. He knows a sh*tty soldier when he sees one

Leonidas knows talent when he sees it. He plainly dismisses a fellow Greek’s plea to fight the Persian empire because he wasn’t physically capable of fighting like a true Spartan. Real leaders don’t want you on their team if you can’t keep up with the rest of the hard-chargers.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
(Warner Brothers’ 300)

Also Read: 5 ways your platoon would be different with Rambo in charge

5. He knew military strategy

Leonidas develops a master plan to use the land to his advantage and take out a vast Persian army with only 300 men. The idea works, too, until that dude who he denied earlier snitches him out like a punk-a**. It happens.

Humor

This is how two Air Force Bases ended up in a Twitter feud

What do Whiteman Air Force Base and Minot Air Force Base have in common? Bombers! But on Oct. 23, the bomber families began butting heads on Twitter over whose airframe is the superior one.


Team Minot has since seemed to delete the tweets that sparked the exchange, but judging from Whiteman’s responses, the shots fired must have been pretty good.

Finally, the official Air Force account stepped in.

Which would have been fine except they told the world that Santa isn’t real.

Which got everyone’s attention.

Including the national media. One of the more recent holiday traditions in the United States is NORAD’s Santa Tracker, which the Air Force helps run every year. The Air Force backtracked quickly.

But I think we’re going to give this one to Whiteman Air Force Base until Minot releases its Twitter history. The USAF Twitter Champion lives in Missouri.

Humor

5 crazy Hollywood hazing scenes that probably happened

Nothing excites film audiences more than seeing their favorite characters get pushed to the brink of their physical and mental limits, just to see them return stronger than ever.


It’s no secret that in the military “newbies,” “FNGs,” or “boots” tend to be treated unfairly because of their low rank and inexperience. It happens more than you think. Some call it “playing games,” while others label it as “hazing.”

Some still consider hazing a necessary evil in training as it allows service members a way to earn the respect of their brothers. Typically, this is earned during drinking games (not passing out), or being the PT stud (not falling out) — rarely does it consist of violent acts these days.

But once Hollywood got wind of the concept, they decided to use it as a tool to dehumanize the military genre.

Related: 5 military myths that Hollywood has taught us to believe are true

1. Choke yourself

Stanley Kubrick was a fan of showing as much mental and physical torment as he could possibly pack into 1987’s “Full Metal Jacket.” It’s been said several times that this film was as true to life for Marine boot camp as it got. So you can bet that there has been a recruit or two that has been in a Marine drill instructor deadly grasp.

Poor Pvt. Pyle (WB/Giphy images)

2. Branding

Bodily marking is a traditional way of documenting one’s life journey. Today tattoos are the fan favorite, but sometimes you just don’t have enough ink.

In 2005’s Sam Mendes directed “Jarhead,” Jake Gyllenhaal plays Marine sniper Anthony Swofford who gets a surprise greeting from his fellow brother-in-arms.

F*ck-f*ck games at their best (Uni/Giphy images)

3. Blanket party

Everyone likes to attend a good party in someone else’s honor. Hazing has been attributed to a way of teaching a sh*tbag a valuable lesson the hard way. In the military, when one person screws up, everyone screws up.

Hopefully, you’re not the one sleeping during the party (WB/Giphy images)

4. Code red

We don’t condone waking up anyone in the middle of the night by beating them, but that isn’t to say it hasn’t happened before.

Makes you want to sleep with one eye open (Columbia/Giphy images)

 Also read: 5 epic military movie mistakes

5. Hanging in a closet

In 2004’s “Stateside,” Jonathan Tucker plays Mark Deloach, a teen who goes to the Marines just to get the sh*t hazed out of him by his drill instructor played by Val Kilmer.

The bird really was the word (IDP/Giphy images)Can you think of any others? Be sure to comment and let us know.

Articles

Officers and enlistees confess the best and worst about each other


Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher

Historically, the military has relied on clearly defined boundaries of acceptable interaction between the officer and enlisted ranks to maintain good order and discipline.

It is a long-standing custom that dates back hundreds of years and has proven itself effective time after time. But not everyone feels it’s a custom worth holding on to.

“I think there should not be a difference between officer and enlisted ranks,” said former Air Force officer Shannon Corbeil. “I believe we should all reach rank based on experience and accomplishment.”

On the other hand, Chase Millsap — another former officer — believes the military should maintain its course because officers bring leadership experience accomplished through higher learning and training.

Also read: 7 tips for getting away with fraternization

However, Blake Stilwell and Tim Kirkpatrick — two former enlistees — argue that the stupid partying and immatureness is what officers experienced during college.

In this episode of the Mandatory Fun podcast, two former officers and enlistees confess the best and worst about dealing with each other while in active service.

Hosted By:

Blake Stilwell: Air Force veteran and managing editor

Tim Kirkpatrick: Navy veteran and Editorial Coordinator

Orvelin Valle (AKA O.V.): Navy veteran and Podcast Producer

Guests:

Chase Millsap: Army and Marine Corps infantry veteran turned Director of Impact Strategy at We Are The Mighty

Shannon Corbeil: Former Air Force intelligence officer and We Are The Mighty editor

Music licensing by Jingle Punks:

  • Goal Line
  • Heavy Drivers
Humor

The 13 funniest memes for the week of April 13th

There’s no reason to be afraid on Friday the 13th. It’s not like anything terrible has ever happened in the military on Friday the 13th. Oh? There has? Like, a lot of times?

Well, just sit back, relax, and enjoy these memes. After all, it’s not like WWIII will suddenly commence over a few Tweets. Oh? It might? Well, that sucks.


On the bright side, our normally arbitrary number of memes released on Fridays is instead kind of festive today. So, there’s that.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

(Meme via Air Force amn/nco/snco)

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

(Meme via Decelerate Your Life)

We’ve been preparing for war with Russia ever since the ’40s and it’s about to go down because of a Tweet?

Cool.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

(Meme via Air Force Nation)

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

(Meme via /r/Military)

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

(Meme via Military Memes)

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

(Meme via /r/Military)

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

(Meme via /r/Army)

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

(Meme via Untied Status Marin Crops)

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(Meme by WATM)

Fun Fact: Jason’s stalking sound is actually “ki-ki-ki, ma-ma-ma” and not “chi-chi-chi, ah-ah-ah.”

Here’s a source right here to prove it.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

(Meme via Grunt Style)

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

(Meme via PT Belt Nation)

Tell everyone you’re just trying to motivate the stragglers in the back.

For some reason, people still believe that.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

(Meme via /r/military)

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

(Meme via Pop Smoke)

Articles

Smooth talking your way through gear turn-in is a stinky proposition

Army Capt. Rebecca Murga had the same goals as anyone else at gear turn-in after deployment: get rid of this sh*t and get back home. But she made a rookie mistake when she left Afghanistan without double-checking her gear against her clothing list.


7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Capt. Rebecca Murga tries to find a missing Gore-Tex item while turning in items at the Central Issue Facility. (Go90 No Sh*t There I Was screenshot)

That’s how she ended up at the Central Issue Facility with a desperate need to go home and no Gore-Tex. And since Army property values never match civilian price points, she’s left with the option of paying hundreds of dollars or weaving a Gore-Tex from cobwebs and unicorn dreams.

Anyone who has dealt with DoD civilians knows that it’s a recipe for frustration, but Murga manages to smooth talk her way through the facility only to find herself faced with something worse.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Something much, much worse. (Go90 No Sh*t There I Was screenshot)

See how Murga’s conscience clouds her homecoming in the No Sh*t There I Was episode embedded at the top.

Watch more No Sh*t There I Was:

This is a perfect example of how ridiculous boot camp is

This is why the military shouldn’t completely outlaw hazing

Why you should never run through smoke you didn’t throw

That time Linda Hamilton asked a Marine to the ball

Humor

11 Air Force memes that will make you laugh for hours

Service members and veterans love to take humorous shots at one another. We can’t help it and everyone does it — it’s all part of a good-natured branch rivalry and it just comes naturally.


Since our military humor can be super dark and there’s no shortage of source material, we’ve got no problem coming up with new jokes. Today, we’re giving it to the Air Force with these memes.

Related: 11 hilarious Marine memes that are freaking spot on

1. The all-too-real struggles of joining the Air Force.

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They’ll do anything, just don’t take nap time away.

2. A good king leads his troops from the front.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
As real as Air Force leadership gets.

3. You know you’ve got too much time on your hands when having a mustache-growing contest is a thing.

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Be honest; who wears is it better?

4. Air Force marksmanship training focuses on real-world skills.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
But don’t worry, you won’t ever get in a real firefight.

Also Read: 11 of the best military movie memes ever written

5. Best paid 8-week vacation ever!

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And hurry up, there’s a BBQ later.

6. Tries to look crazy so Marines won’t f*ck with him

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It won’t work. They’ll still f*ck with him.

7. Consider life to be over.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Someone will restart the modem soon enough.

8. Air Force marksmanship at its best.

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Pew, pew, pew?

Don’t Forget: The 13 funniest memes for the week of Feb. 16th

9. Only the toughest of the tough make it through their obstacle course.

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The toughest 5th grader, that is.

10. When you boot so hard in the Air Force… but every grunt respects that his finger isn’t on the trigger. At least he got that part right.

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How cool do I look, b*tches!

11. Here’s proof how hard airmen can be. At least this kid appears to have “military bearing.”

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
The best thousand-yard stare you’ll ever see come out of the Air Force.

Articles

Watch this Vietnam War vet school a young soldier in stunt driving

Bet you think you’re a good driver. No one can knife across three lanes of traffic and make an exit doing 73 mph like you can, hoss. You even throw around the occasional courtesy wave.


Former Army Engineer and “Oscar Mike” host Ryan Curtis fancied himself above average in the driving department until he met Jim Wilkey at Bobby Orr Motorsports, where the two-tour Vietnam Vet proceeded to hand our host his ass.

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The authentic look of a man being taken to school. (Go90 Oscar Mike screenshot)

A former Navy Seabee, Wilkey is now one of Hollywood’s most highly-regarded stunt drivers, flipping cars and drifting in such modest cinematic offerings as “The Dark Knight” trilogy and “Mad Max: Fury Road.”

When he’s not rolling on “action,” Wilkey teaches the art of stunt driving to amateur road warrior wannabes on his home track in Camarillo, CA.

Watch as Wilkey puts Ryan through a day’s worth of paces and Ryan makes an unwise decision to challenge the master in a timed stunt lap, in the video embedded at the top.

Watch more Oscar Mike:

This Iraq vet kayaker will make you rethink PTSD

This is why you don’t challenge an ex-sniper to a duel

This Army vet is crazy motivated

This is what happens when you put a sailor in a stock car

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