7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy - We Are The Mighty
Humor

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

Allotments are a good way for troops to schedule a payment directly through Defense Finance and Accounting Service (DFAS), the service directly responsible for paying servicemembers. An allotment sets aside a portion of future paychecks and automatically sends the money elsewhere. If used properly, it can schedule payments on necessities or move funds to savings accounts. An allotment can be cancelled when the debt is paid or the savings goal is reached and troops can enjoy their full pay check again.


But young boots don’t see it that way. They may see it as an easy “IOU” and let Uncle Sam worry about the rest. They waste their money on useless crap and end up paying much more in the end — especially if they forget to cancel the allotment. Without research, they fall victim to very unsexy interest rates.

That’s not to say that vendors of everything on this list are hunting down dumb E-1’s in predatory manner. Some things on this list are beneficial and are encouraged, if taken care of properly. But you know, boots will be dumb and waste their when given the chance — are here’s the proof:

1. Tattoos

Not only do boots get the dumbest tattoos ever, but they often forget that good tattoos cost money, so instead of doing some research, they walk into the sketchy tattoo parlor outside the main gate.

Instead of paying the $500 even if the quality of the tattoo should have only cost $250 for an EGA tattoo, boots will set up a five month allotment giving the tattoo parlor $150 each month (if you’re not into math in public, that’s $750).

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Remember the tattoo forever, not the payment. (U.S. Navy photo by MCS 3rd Class Sean Elliott)

2. Gaming computers

The boot finally got out of momma’s basement and finally ready to become the bad ass they always played in video games!

Living in the barracks rent-free and using a meal card for food means boots have discretionary income for the first time ever…which they put right into an overpriced gaming computer that will be obsolete by the time they finish paying it off.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

3. TVs

Kind of similar to the gaming computers, but when someone sets up an allotment for a TV it’s usually more costly and takes up their entire barracks room.

If you need a giant ass TV so you can view every last pixel of whatever you’re watching, cool; but if you’re still straining your eyes while sitting at the other end of your barracks room, you kind of wasted your money.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
If you do have a huge TV, you better be hosting every party at your place! (U.S. Army photo by Sgt. James Avery)

4. Weapons

Everyone should be able to own a weapon. It’s their right. The problem comes when someone pays for a beautiful hunting rifle and then they learn they can’t keep it in the barracks.

Nearly every military installation has a policy on firearms being stored in lower enlisted housing. So to comply with the policy, firearms are to be held in the unit’s arms room. Think of how much of a pain in the ass it is getting your designated firearm out of the arms room on training days when the armorer is actually there — it’s even worse when you want to go to the range on their day off.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Good luck trying to get that dude there on a weekend. (Photo by Sgt. Emily Greene)

5. “Pay Day” loans

If you need money fast, there are countless other ways of going about it. Each branch has variations on an emergency relief funds to aid their troops in need of quick cash. And yes, your commander does need to sign off on it. And yes, it is still a loan you need to eventually pay back.

The problem with “Pay Day” loans is with the afore-mentioned interest rates.

Let’s say you borrow $100. If you go through the headache of getting your commander’s signature and the approval for the money, it’s interest free. You just slowly pay the $100 back. If you go through a “Pay Day” loan office off-base, they’ll charge interest, so now you’ve got to pay that loan off as soon as you can or you end up paying nearly quadruple the original amount.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

6. Star Cards

This falls into the “good if done properly” category. Military Star Cards are essentially credit cards that you can only use on military installations. They can be a great way for a young E-1 to help build credit to balance out the “credit inexperience” that shows up on everyone’s credit score early on. They can also be a great “Oh sh*t!” account if you need something that you can buy on-base. As a bonus, the rates are usually less aggressive than most credit card companies.

But if you’re a dumb boot who doesn’t understand that credit cards are not free money, well, the Star Card is a program of The Exchange and they’re far more knowledgeable in the military’s finance system than you.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Ever since they allowed the Star Card to be used at the Commissary, it’s even more valuable. But still, you shouldn’t max it out on beer unless you plan on paying it off at the end of the month. (Photo by Julie Mitchell)

7. Used cars

Two general rules of thumb when buying a used car outside a military installation: Bring a mechanic from your unit’s motor pool with you to help negotiate the price (for a case of beer and they’ll be a show-of-force to intimidate predatory car salesmen), and never ever EVER buy from a place that advertises “E-1 and above approved!” more than the actual cars.

Respectable car lots will sell you a car based on it’s Kelley Blue Book price and an interest rate befitting of your credit score, regardless of your pay grade or whether you’re in the military or not. Since your military service is an excellent “proof of income,” you shouldn’t have a hard time getting approved at a respectable car lot. So yes, setting up an allotment to them for your vehicle is a good example of how to properly set up an allotment.

But watch out for the sharks at places that give all used car salesmen their bad reputation. They prey on an E-1’s doubts about getting a beautiful Ford Mustang from anywhere else. They’ll say something like “If you set up an allotment, it’ll be fine!” They know the system and they’ll use it against you.

So congratulations! You may have driven off with that Mustang, but you’re going to be paying for it at a 31% interest rate for the next six years for 800% more than what Kelley Blue Book says it’s worth.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Third rule: If they ever say something like “For you, my friend,” don’t listen — they’re about to f*ck you…and not in the good way. (Photo by Emilio Labrador)

Humor

5 terribly hilarious gifts to scuff up a basic trainee

One of the great mysteries of the civilian world is the need for people to send care packages to new troops going through Basic Training or Boot Camp.


It’s not only counter-productive (the idea of isolated training is to transition a civilian into the military by specifically denying basic comforts and stimulating stressful environments such as combat), but it could also get them smoked — their Drill Sergeants or Instructors will go through every piece of mail.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
This is what motivation looks like. (U.S Marine Corps photo by Sgt. Reece Lodder)

Even if they are sent say, a stick of gum, their asses will be ridiculed and then sore from the insane amount of PT they’re about to do. If you really want to show that you love and care, wait until they’ve finished training and send it while they’re deployed.

But this list isn’t for the sweet and caring types. No. This is for the a-holes that warned them it wouldn’t be easy. This is for the a-holes that told them repeatedly to join another branch.

Why not show that you truly care about your young recruit by also helping their trainers mess with them? Get in on the fun! Be creative. Get in on the fun! Be creative. Just be sure to show up their graduation and have a laugh at their expense with their Drill Sergeant/Instructor.

1. Gear from another branch

Want to instill loyalty to the branch of service they enlisted in? Send a USMC t-shirt to the Army private. An Air Force hoodie to the Marine recruit.

Bonus points if they even joined the same branch as you. They’ll love their branch through Stockholm Syndrome.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

2. Cute childhood things

Want to make sure their nickname in Basic is ‘Princess’? Send them a cheap Disney blanket from Wal-Mart.

Who knows? They might actually be forced to keep it instead of the Olive Drab green blanket for maximum hilarity.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

3. Snivel gear

Basically, if they aren’t issued something. They can’t have it.

Mess with them by sending a scarf and a hand written note saying “Stay warm! 3”

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

4. Baked Goods

Quickest way to make sure they get their sweat stains the floor? Send them some homemade treats.

Oh. They won’t get to touch a single one. Drill Sergeant will more than likely eat them in front of their face and tell them how they tasted.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

5. Anything, uh, “Not Safe For Work”

There’s an article on MarriedtotheArmy.com where they give actual, thoughtful, smoke-free care packages. In it, they have a story about a girl sending used panties, which were promptly displayed to embarrass the young soldier.

Same goes for sex toys. Just imagine the look on the Drill Sergeants face when they find that…

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

There are a million different ways to mess with someone going through Basic Training or Boot Camp. Please let us know your favorites in the comment section!

Humor

7 things troops do on deployments that they won’t admit to

There are many things that troops do that keep mom and dad proud. The truth is, there is a lot more downtime during war than civilians expect. Part of this just feeds into the “disgruntled sheepdog” mentality that leaves us being the only ones not disgusted by our own jokes.


Deployment downtime is basically all of us getting together and doing dumb sh*t that would make our prim and proper grandmas question their “Support the Troops” bumper sticker.

7. Working out

There’s an interesting trend with deployment fitness: either troops give up two days in country or spend every waking second of downtime in the gym. There is no in between.

Although, by “gym” we mean minimal equipment usually left behind by someone. And for some reason, tire flips are the big thing.

Just trying to look for RR. via GIPHY

6. Sleeping through Indirect Fire (IDF) sirens

Command policy is usually that whenever the incoming mortar siren goes off, you run your ass to the bunker — regardless of what you’re doing.

Mortars go off constantly. Day or night. And if you’re asleep…f*ck it — the boom already went off and you still have the same amount of blood in you.

Nope. Not dead. Cool. via GIPHY

5. Pirating movies

Back in the heyday of pirating, everyone was doing it. Nowadays, more and more people stateside are willing to pay for a subscription based services like Netflix or Hulu. Not deployed troops.

Netflix doesn’t stream to Trashcanistan and troops still want to catch up on the shows they’re missing stateside. Meanwhile, the local who sells sh*tty rips doesn’t have the film they wanted. There’s really no other choice if you think about it…

And they’re not going to watch AFN. via GIPHY 

4. Make deployment videos of us doing dumb sh*t

Maybe they have their combat camera guy make an “overly-hooah” video of them remixed to Drowning Pool. Maybe it’s them lipsyncing along to some pop singer. Or maybe they make a video of them clearing a portajohn and they all stuff themselves in there for comedic effect.

We’ve seen them all. And yet they’re still funny.

Except the “overly-hooah” videos. Those can stop. (YouTube, Jessiannmc)

3. Insect fights

Give a bunch of troops too much free time, a good amount of money, and nothing to spend it on. They’ll start gambling it away.

A common form of gambling that is sure to piss off PETA is betting on which insect will win a battle to the death. So think of it less of us being cruel to animals and more of us being aspiring Pokemon trainers.

I choose you! Deathstalker Scorpion! via GIPHY

2. Way too intimate web-chats with a significant other

We get it. Troops get lonely and miss their other half back home. With Skype or Facetime, troops sometimes put on one of those shows with their loved ones back home.

You do you. But seriously. We all hear you. You’re not subtle.

And we’re all disgusted by your filth. via GIPHY

1. Laptops in portajohns

For those soldiers who probably don’t have that special someone to have that “video-chat” with, and even if they do, they’ll probably still grab their computer or smartphone with headphones and take a stroll to the latrine.

The dude spending more time than required in a 130-degree Portajohn is handling more than his normal business, if you catch my drift.

Especially if he comes out walking like this. via GIPHY

Humor

11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

Every day, Hospital Corpsman encounter challenges and surprises they just can’t predict. Whether they’re stationed with the Marines, working sick call in a hospital, or sitting behind a desk handling necessary paperwork — it can get hard out there for a Doc.


But one thing that never changes is their comedic outlook and perspective on how they see the world around them.

Related: 6 things Corpsmen should know before going to the ‘Greenside’

So check out these 11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman.

1. Directions are hard

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

2. Because that’s the only military story they have

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

3. We don’t like that

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

4. Because a Doc takes care of his Marines

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

5. So true!

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

6. Since there’s no time to study because you’re always in the field, just passing the advancement test is a blessing

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

7. The silver bullet also has a healing ability

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

Also read: 4 unusual tasks Corpsmen do that their recruiters left out

8. They will totally laugh in your face

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

9. It’s called “patient poaching” and it’s not cool

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

10. We have a big job to do and not a lot to do it with

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

11. Fun fact: Marines love their Corpsmen … if they’re not sh*t bags

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

Can you think of any others? Comment below.

Articles

13 of the funniest military memes for the week of July 14

It’s a long week back after that July 4th hangover. And then some of us have to pick up the other guy’s slack when he goes off to drill.


Good thing military memes always have the watch.

1. We’re still the best. (via ASMDSS)

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Don’t worry, America is the best in any universe, no matter which spelling you see.

2. There are a lot of new ideas floating around DoD.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
The Air Force doesn’t like those kinds of shenanigans.

3. But some things never change.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
What happens on the bus stays on the bus.

Read Now: Here’s how aerial gunners were trained to fight their way past the Luftwaffe

4. The CS has been watching a lot of Food Network.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Midrats: It’s what’s for dinner. And lunch. Probably breakfast. From yesterday. Combined.

5. Because Navy PT standards might be taking a beating (via The Salty Sailor)

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
For use only with corpsman supervision.

6. Airmen have a special diet while away from their duty station.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
It’s just an excuse. We’d do it anyway. Wubba lubba dub dub.

7. Because special duties can be stressful.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
He got used to the taste of crayons after a while.

Also: Gene Hackman’s response on why he joined the Marines is TV gold

8. Even the Army has trouble helping out Marine Corps NCOs.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

9. But all NCOs run on the same operating system.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Somewhere in there, paperwork gets done.

10. At least this weekend we can even look forward to Sunday night.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
We drink and we know things.

Check Out: 7 mysteriously missing body parts of military leaders

11. And maybe forget about that upcoming deployment.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
It’s adorable that you think the bucket list actually means something. Now get out.

12. The ghosts of cadence past can come back to haunt us.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
The little yellow bird is sick of your sh*t.

13. Who’s got the best callsign in the Air Force?

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
His Follow Me Car is legendary.

Humor

4 unsuccessful habits of Air Force NCOs

When you cross over as an NCO in the Air Force and you slap that crisp Staff Sergeant rank on your arms, it might be easy to think you just garnered a new set of rights and privileges.


Unfortunately, the rights and privileges are few and far between. Inevitably, the newly-acquired responsibility weighs on fresh NCOs, causing them to cut corners and develop unsuccessful habits.

1. Not completing your professional military education

The Air Force requires each of its NCOs to complete PME according to their rank and skill level. These courses are usually held in other locations rather than at home base. NCOs also get book-length volumes to study at home. Up until recently, PME wasn’t so much a factor in an NCO’s career. Now, if an NCO hasn’t completed the required PME course for their rank, they will not promote. Did you read that? Will not promote.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Get to reading, Airmen. (U.S. Air Force photo by Senior Airman John Nieves Camacho)

This means that a staff sergeant who doesn’t complete their PME will never become a tech and might even be subject to discharge. Air Force NCOs are moving along with the times but there are still many who fight the change and remain perpetual staffs or techs until they retire. Nobody wants to be 20 years in and retire at E-5. Get your PME done!

2. Not completing their CCAF degree

Okay, the Air Force didn’t say being an NCO would be easy – heck, they’re making you go to college. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it does stop many airmen from promoting to the next rank. The Community College of the Air Force is relatively new and accepts all previous credit from prior institutions to transfer into the degree.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Better late than never.

It’s pretty easy to get a CCAF degree because the majority of all the credits are calculated from tech school training. Typically, the only credits NCOs are missing are college-level math and English. However, most NCOs are entirely deterred by this and choose not to obtain the last couple of credits needed to complete the degree. Without a CCAF degree, kiss your chances of becoming a Master Sergeant (E-7) goodbye.

3. Thinking that you’re not expendable

You might think an extra stripe opens the door to being treated better, but think again. Remember that phrase, “sh*t always rolls downhill?” Well, you’re only a quarter of the way up the hill now instead of all the way at the bottom. Some newly-promoted NCOs think they are finally afforded some glory because they’re allowed to delegate to those under them.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
If you’re going to be a staff forever, you might as well just stay Senior Airman.

Wrong. Air Force NCOs quickly learn they are still in the pecking order for meaningless cleaning details and bi*ch work. Plus, there are many more staffs where you came from, buddy. Leadership won’t think twice about demoting someone on a high horse. Before anyone knows it, you become the stereotypical, bitter NCO who sits in the corner, hating the world — unless you can change your frame of mind.

4. Just skimming by PT standards every six months

The Air Force PT test is fairly easy and is based on a point system. A mile and a half run, waist measurement, push-ups, and sit-ups are all a part of the test. If you pull a 90-point (or above) cumulative score, then you don’t have to take the fitness test again for a year. If the score is lower than 90, then the test has to be taken again in six months.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
To be honest, everyone has done it.

What this means for Air Force NCOs is a tendency to procrastinate. NCOs are meant to set standards for the subordinates under them, but when the PFT is so easy it requires minimal preparation, setting standards usually goes out the window. When it comes down to it, there’s really no excuse for not getting a 90-point score on the Air Force PFT.

Break the habit and just go work out.

Humor

5 of the crappiest things about serialized gear

Infantrymen love getting all kinds of cool sh*t to work and train with, that’s no secret. However, some of the gear they’re issued is super freakin’ expensive, and the government likes to keep an extra-close eye on it by assigning serialized gear.


Everything, from your main weapon system to your sharp bayonet, is serialized with an engraved or handwritten number, making it individually identifiable.

Although it’s cool to mount your night vision goggles to your kevlar for a night mission, having serialized gear comes with its own set of drawbacks.

1. It’s never as clean as when you checked it in

Serialized gear isn’t kept in service members’ living spaces for a good reason: we’d play with it all the time. Instead, it’s housed in the dusty and dirty armory. That said, rarely is the serialized gear as clean as you’d like it to be with all the lubricant and filthy rags also stored there.

Plus, the armorer’s hands are usually pretty filthy when they’re conducting your check-in and check-out.

 

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
How well do you think they clean out every single compartment?

 

2. You might have to pay for serialized gear

Sometimes, serialized gear gets damaged or stolen — it happens more than you think. The major problem for you is that your command has to free you from paying for that broken or damaged gear out-of-pocket.

Serialized equipment is usually more expensive than the rest of stuff and, the reality is, some service members get stuck with the bill of replacing the items.

So, that sucks.

3. All the fun stuff requires batteries

NVGs and PEQ-16s run on battery power in order to function. These well-constructed light technologies work together as some of the lasers of the PEQ-16 can only be seen by using specific NVGs.

However, once the batteries die, the fun dies with it.

 

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

Members of SEAL Team Six as they raid bin Laden’s compound. (Screenshot from Sony Pictures’ Zero Dark Thirty)

 

4. The serialized gear seems more valuable to the government than the troop carrying it.

Unfortunately, troops occasionally get hit while engaging the enemy. Since 99.9% of us carry a weapon — which is also serialized — if some of that gear goes missing after the troop is removed from the area, the rest of the squad must recover the equipment before going to the base. Sometimes, a recovery mission is ordered to search for left gear if need be.

You wouldn’t want the bad guys to get a free pair of night vision goggles.

5. You can get NJP’d for breaking or losing something

Destruction of Government Property is a real offense according to your staff NCOs, especially if you’re talking about serialized gear. Getting a tattoo is considered the same offense, but no one ever got charged with getting an Eagle, Globe, and Anchor inked on their arm.

You can break one of the springs in your magazine, but don’t you dare drop your serialized bayonet in a canal in Afghanistan and watch the current take it away. You could get in a lot of trouble.

 

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

Humor

5 rules troops break all the time living in the barracks

Life in military barracks is similar to that of college dorms, except there’s way more streaking while wearing glow belts — or nothing at all. But life in those studio-sized rooms isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be, especially when you share an open floor plan with three or four other people.


Like life in college dorm rooms, barracks life comes with tons of rules set by the higher command that every troop, at one time or another, ends up violating.

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

Related: The top 8 ways to throw an epic barracks party

So, check out five rules that troops break all the time while living in the barracks.

5. Smoking

Most military bases have designated areas to puff a cigarette called, “smoke pits.” These areas are commonly found far away from the barracks and can be a pain in the ass to get to when you’re wasted at 0300 on a Saturday morning. Most troops decide to light up a smoke and conceal the red fiery tips, so the roving duty (who is probably also smoking) doesn’t spot them.

It can get annoying if you get caught, so consider quitting.

That’s a good idea. (Image via GIPHY)

4. Never signing a guest into the duty’s log book

When a service member links up with someone they’re attracted to, it’s highly doubtful that they’re going to stymie the flow of hormones long enough to have their partner report to the duty and sign in. It’s just easier to sneak them in.

3. Running a business out of your room

Let’s face it, members of the E-4 Mafia don’t make a whole lot of money. Because of this financial hardship, young troops develop side hustles, like cutting hair or becoming a tattoo artist. We do it even though we’re not supposed to — f*ck it.

Make that money! (Image via GIPHY)

2. Destruction of government property

We break sh*t that isn’t ours. That is all.

Oops! (Image via GIPHY)

Also Read: 6 things officers love but enlisted troops can’t stand

1. Underage drinking

But, it is safer to get wasted at the barracks. Need we say more?

And we believe you. (Image via GIPHY)
Humor

6 reasons why serving under Captain America would suck

Captain America is everything you want. He is everything you need. Cap is everything inside of you that you wish you could be. He says all the right things at exactly the right time. But he is annoying as f*ck and you will soon know why.


Having a charismatic officer with sound judgment and the physical prowess to match is the dream of most any enlisted person, but if that leader was Captain America, the fantasy wouldn’t match reality.

Related: 7 ways ‘Starship Troopers’ is the most outstanding moto film ever

1. His enforcement of AR 670-1 — while wearing his tights.

Cap believes in rules and regulations and he expects you to do the same while enforcing the standards among your peers — except he’s not your peer and that haircut with those clown tights are not authorized under AR 670-1.

Also, what’s with his uniform’s design? Is he Captain America or Captain Puerto Rico?

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Whose side are you on anyway, Cap? (Photo by Randy Chiu)

2. The PT… Embarrassing.

Rogers can run a mile in 73 seconds, bench press 1200 pounds, and is invulnerable to fatigue… so, this would suck.

3. His aversion to cursing.

Every f*cking soldier, Marine, airman, and sailor is a big-f*cking-fan of some casual, godd*mn expletives.

So, this f*cking boy scout with his sh*tty sense of propriety would drive you up the f*cking wall.

4. Drinking with him would be expensive and dumb.

Say you get back from some nutso, Avengers-esque deployment and you want to celebrate the victory with your fearless leader.

No can do — this guy physically cannot get drunk. Buy as many shots as you want, it’ll be for nothing except your own alcohol poisoning.

5. Zero weapons training.

Cap doesn’t like guns for whatever reason. Your range time would be dramatically cut short in favor of throwing around trash can lids.

Also Read: The top 5 armies of the future in cinema

6. His moto speeches will make you reconsider your life choices.

As if you could ever possibly live up to him. There’s a reason he got the super soldier serum and you didn’t.

Articles

13 funniest military memes for the week of May 5

Memes call! Find your favorites, share them with your buddies, or don’t. We’re not your supervisor.


1. A training video on “Abdominal Circumference” may actually help some units (via Air Force Memes Humor).

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
And Troy McClure videos would be a huge upgrade from all these Powerpoints.

2. Being outside a firefight without your rifle is worse than being in a firefight with it (Weapons of Meme Destruction).

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Feels like death, and might be worse.

3. Allow the E4 to teach you a little about the military (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting).

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Starting with: Never go back to the unit right away.

4. Back blast area clear!

(via Team Non-Rec)

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Gonna be hard to explain this to the homeowner’s association the next morning.

5. It’s always embarrassing to remember that next generation’s history books will include this generation’s actions (via Decelerate Your Life).

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
At least you can write some of the histories ahead of time.

6. Will pay to see “You’re Welcome” parody with Coast Guard swimmers (via Coast Guard Memes).

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
The Coast Guard used this exact same pun two years ago while talking about teaching rescue swimmers to swim.

7. Senior enlisted problems:

(via Terminal Lance)

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Decisions, decisions. Sorry, junior Marines.

8. Some NCO better fix that little guy’s gig line (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting).

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Can’t tell if the label in the top right corner is from the past or future …

9. Last guy to switch from BDUs is definitely the first guy to crack a beer (via Air Force amn/nco/snco).

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Love the shades.

10. Your recruiter lied to you (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting).

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Better volunteer for some cool-guy schools and get into some high-speed units.

11. Kinda hard to take the new guy on a welcome-to-the-unit bender if someone has to make him a fake ID first (via Military World).

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Highly recommend ordering the apple juice so at least no one else in the bar can tell.

12. It’s all about composite risk management (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting).

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy
Dirt raking is dangerous.

13. Remember all those grinning, proud faces when all the boots got their new uniforms?

(via Decelerate Your Life)

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Of course, those uniforms get pretty salty before the end of the contract.

Humor

The 13 funniest Veterans Day memes for 2017

Last week was a special week. The Marines had a birthday and we all stuffed our faces at the tactical thanksgiving America’s restaurant chains offer veterans every Veterans Day.


Let’s start Monday off with some fun by rounding up the best of this year’s Veterans Day memes.

You’re welcome for our service.

1. “Mom, I’ll take the trash out after I get back from Denny’s.” (via Decelerate Your Life)

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Walter White has seen some shit.

Also Read: These ax murders along the DMZ almost started another Korean War

2. Veterans haven’t been this vigilant since their last day in the military. (via Pop Smoke)

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

3. If he walks out on the bill, it’s not that much of a loss.

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Hopefully you can’t get abducted by the Taliban at Applebee’s.

4. Keep fighting the good fight. (via The Salty Soldier)

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The mission continues.

5. “Who wants to volunteer to be on duty during the Marine Corps Ball?”

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Guess which one of these guys asked Alexis Texas to the ball on YouTube.

6. Rolling into Hooters like:

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7. Don’t they know I’m a veteran? (via Why I’m Not Re-Enlisting)

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8. Oh Wait, Marine Corps birthday came first.

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A meal that sticks to your ribs.

Related: 5 interesting facts about the Marine Corps birthday

9.  Where did he steal that book from? (via ASMDSS)

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It’s not like there are pictures in it.

10. Don’t forget about other generations of veterans.

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Bert doesn’t want to talk about it.

11. In case you don’t know what to say:

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Most civilians are never face to face with greatness.

12. “Feel free to watch your step.”

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Clean like the day America was born.

Totally unrelated but still cool: If the battle of Thermopylae was fought today with 300 Marines

13. “To TGI Friday’s I will go.”

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Articles

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of Jun. 24

Look, it’s almost the weekend. Let’s just all enjoy these hilarious memes together, get through the safety brief, and immediately start doing things we’ll regret:


1. Just remember to run fast when the safety brief is open:

(via Pop Smoke)

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I feel like Hawkeye should be placed further back. What’s the point of being the only guy with a ranged weapon if you’re fighting at point-blank range anyway?

2. “Rolled sleeves! Time to show my power!!”

(via The Salty Soldier)

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Of course, this only works if you actually have power. Otherwise …

SEE ALSO: The Marine Corps was just bailed out by “The Boneyard”

3. “Rolled sleeves? Time to develop some power.”

(via The Salty Soldier)

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Only another couple of months of curls and you’ll be ready to show off your guns … in the winter.

4. This is exactly how Rip-Its are made. Sacrificing privates:

(via Military Memes)

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5. Just remember to bop your head to the beat as you read these lyrics (via The Salty Soldier).

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And don’t play like you don’t know what song this is parodying.

6. I would spend these. I would spend all of these – ON FREEDOM!

(via Military Memes)

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They would also be useful for beer.

7. “Mine? Mine? Mine?”

(via The Salty Soldier)

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8. “First to sleep, last to rise.”

(via The Salty Soldier)

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9. “Yes. Yes, you would.”

(via Military Memes)

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Those hearts should be explosions of blood.

10. It’s the America way (via The Salty Soldier).

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11. Ten bucks says the generals get larger boxes than us common folks (via Air Force amn/nco/snco).

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Probably a six or seven boxes arranged in two levels with a yard.

12. Dr. Crentist is a skilled practitioner (via The Salty Soldier).

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He gets all the beet stains off of Dwight’s teeth. That’s impressive.

13. BTW, how long have you been sitting in the barracks, reading these memes (via The Salty Soldier)?

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Are you sure you’re not supposed to be somewhere right now?

Humor

6 military scents that would make terrible scented candles

If there is one product on the face of the Earth that is the antithesis to the rigors and roughness of military life, it would have to the scented candle. But as “hardcore” as veterans once were, their loving better halves will always buy a sh*tload of them to decorate the house. This is a fight we cannot win.


Veterans aren’t candle-averse because they hate the idea of smelling lavender spring sunshine or whatever. It’s the fact that scented candles are designed to bring back good memories and the good memories troops have often tend to smell like ass, sweat, sh*t, or a mixture of the three.

These are the candles that vets would buy to remember the good ol’ days — and their spouses would quickly throw away.

6. Over-saturated PineSol

It’s the smell of every military building that was just cleaned by staff duty. All it takes is a cap-full of PineSol to clean the entire building and yet, every Private uses an entire bottle anyways.

The smell of pine might be pleasant to some people, but when the product is overused, it just smells like concentrated chemicals with a hint of singed nose hairs — and some pine, I guess.

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Talk to your recruiter and become a combat janitor today! (Photo by Maj. Brandon Mace)

5. PT field

Fresh-cut grass is nice. Fresh-cut grass drenched in the sweat of 60 hungover troops is not.

And when PT is moved over to a parking lot, the stench is even thicker. God forbid the NCOs move PT inside any kind of confined space…

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It’s not just the sweat or the booze leaving the body… there might be some vomit in there, too. (Photo by Lance Cpl. Mackenzie Carter)

4. A cup of (military) coffee in the field

Around the globe, the scent of coffee is, supposedly, the best part of waking up.

Too bad there is never anyone in the military that can make a good cup of joe.

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Still, better than nothing… (Photo by Lt. Col. John Hall)

3. MRE heaters activating

As troops prepare a meal that has the taste and consistency of cat food, the only thing that can overpower the aroma of “pork sausage, maple flavored” is the oxidizing magnesium in the one-time-use, flameless heater.

The smell only gets more pungent when the FNG overfills their heater with too much water.

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Better than the smell of the Meow Mix — I mean a Meal, Ready to Eat.(Photo by Happy Cat)

2. Sands of Trashcanistan Afghanistan

One unexpected problem no one else tells you about before you deploy to a third-world country is their lack of sanitation.

Afghanistan is covered in what is affectionately known as “moon dust,” which is just sand and garbage that flows freely across the country.

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1. Crowded tents after month ten

The first few weeks in-country aren’t too bad if you can get over the stench of the outside. It’s around month nine or ten when everyone’s f*ck-it is in short supply and the tents go to sh*t.

Dip bottles, sweat, dirty gear, and the occasional p*ss bottle make tents unbearable.

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Not a single f*ck is given in these tents. (U.S. Army photo by Spc. Aaron Rosencrans)

*Bonus* Puff of carbon on the range

This one is a bonus because it would actually be awesome.

I’ll take 8.

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