17 signs that you might be a military aviator - We Are The Mighty
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17 signs that you might be a military aviator

It’s not just about the squadron plaques on your “I love me” wall or the vanity plate on your ‘Vette. Here are 17 other signs that you might be a military aviator:


1. You talk with your hands a lot.

2. Your speech is so full of acronyms and jargon that it almost qualifies as a foreign language.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator

3. You notice what kind of watch others are wearing.

4. You judge fellow military aviators by things like radar cross section and tail hook thickness.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator

5. You consider crew rest sacrosanct.

6. Your first meal of the day is lunch (as a function of the previous bullet).

7. You sneer at any mention of the movie “Top Gun,” but you’ve seen it hundreds of times and can’t look away if you happen to stumble across it on cable.

8. You’re not really all that dangerous but sometimes you act like you are. (See previous bullet.)

9. You’re most comfortable wearing Nomex and speed jeans.

No, not those speed jeans . . . these speed jeans:

10. Your grooming is always pushing military standards.

11. You say things like, “Older whiskey, younger women, and faster fighters” with a straight face.

12. You’re all about the shades.

13. You’ve taken recreation to an art form.

14. You can sleep sitting upright (even while strapped into an ejection seat).

15. The crazier a situation becomes, the more focused you get.

16. You’re only impressed by celebrities and other public figures insofar as they make enough money to buy themselves airplanes.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator

17. You feel like you can get away with texting while driving because the government trained you to keep your scan going while you multitask.

Lists

9 text messages from First Sergeant you never want to read

While pretty much all of the veterans here at WATM served in the military fairly recently, we weren’t on first sergeant’s speed dial. If he or she wanted something, he’d send a “runner,” but with technology going the way it has been, it’s probably only a matter of time before troops start getting texts instead.


This is probably not a good thing. Here are nine messages you probably never want to see coming from the phone number of “The Diamond.”

1. Get your ass outside my office. Time: RIGHT F–KING NOW.

He doesn’t need to give you details, because he’s the frigging First Sergeant. But what you can be very sure of just from this very short text: He’s pissed. He’s really pissed… AT YOU.

 

17 signs that you might be a military aviator

 

2. We’re going out to the field this weekend. Gear inspection Friday at 1730.

There goes your plans for the weekend. After you read this one, you’ll have to call off your plans to support your local strip club and tattoo parlor. But look on the bright side: At least you’ll be saving money.

3. Gas mask PT tomorrow. Company office at 0500.

Do you hate breathing? Do you like to run? Why not combine both of these things into something your leaders call “Gas Mask PT.”

4. Why was a member of your squad caught drunk and naked at the front gate?

This is a question that really has no good answer. In the first sergeant’s mind, that drunken naked idiot is a direct reflection of your leadership, and anything you say is going to be bad. Prepare to have your butt completely chewed off.

5. Just got call from MPs. Report to my office in dress uniform in 15.

This is more upsetting than a scary movie. A call from military police, and now you have to report in to “the diamond.” What the hell did I do now? Did I not check her ID card?

17 signs that you might be a military aviator

 

6. ALL HANDS PISS TEST. Company office in 10.

It’s not necessarily that you did drugs or are worried about popping on the piss test (although that could be a concern). But pissing into a cup as some dude checks out your junk can make anyone nervous. Back off, dude.

7. Too many DUIs in company. Recall formations this weekend at 0600, 1200, and 1800 daily.

Mass punishment. It’s First Sergeant’s favorite pastime. In his mind, you may not have driven drunk, but you could have done something to stop those other guys. Somehow.

8. I’m inspecting the barracks in two hours.

You have a few options: You can try hard to clean your room because first sergeant will probably break out the white gloves to look for dust. Or you can run to the 7-day store and pick up Maxim magazine, Playboy, and a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, and place them where he’s guaranteed to look. This distraction may just save your life.

9. What are you wearing?

If you get this text from your first sergeant, you should probably be worried. DON’T RESPOND. Let’s just pretend this one never happened.

 

NOW: 8 reasons why ‘Aliens’ perfectly captures Marine infantry life

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The 13 funniest military memes of the week

You made it through another week, but no one is giving you medals and ribbons for that. You’ll have to settle for these memes instead.


1. Seriously, car dealers may be the most powerful entities in the military community(via Devil Dog Nation).

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
They get you with those pay allotments.

2. Help people get to heaven. Make martyrs.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Air Force does charitable service in the community, the Army does it on the battlefield.

SEE ALSO: The 8 steps of counting down to deployment

3. Airmen are immune to your mockery (via Air Force Nation).

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Of course, the A-10 is the one Air Force asset that never gets made fun of.

4. Navy likes to play Army for PT (via Sh-t My LPO Says).

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Maybe they’re practicing to be combat engineers?

5. It’ll probably work, especially against the Navy.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Hopefully these don’t get deployed alongside beautiful women. America would fall immediately.

6. When you try to advance in life …

(via Military Memes)

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
… and end up right back where you started.

7. Be careful, they hunt in packs.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
The lance corporal underground can protect you.

8. There’s a reason pilots have checklists.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Pretty sure that’s not the third step. Probably more like step 1.

9. Doesn’t have a concealed carry permit (via Marine Corps Memes).

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Better not put his hands in his pockets.

10. Remember that they’re games and not simulators (via Sh-t My LPO Says).

17 signs that you might be a military aviator

11. Pretty sure there’s a “D-mnit Carl!” coming.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
If he loses any, first sergeant’s gonna be pissed.

 12. When Sauron is sent for KP duty (via Sh-t My LPO Says).

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Can’t be certain, but it looks like you might have overcooked it.

13. Target identification is hard.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
But hey, knowing is half the battle. Unfortunately, blowing up is the other half.

Lists

5 cheap summer vacations for military families

When I’m choosing what vacations we want to take for the summer, I like to take advantage of ALL the discounted (if not FREE) options available to our military family.

So since I’m a huntress for deals and cheap escapes, here are some ideas that we spouses can benefit from this summer.


1. Reunite with your favorite FRIEND/FAMILY!

I just thought recently about all my distant friends (due to PCS) that I miss. I crave their company and miss laughing with them and watching our kids play together. So here’s an idea for a vacay (on the cheaper side).

During the summer is the perfect time to pack up the kids and take a road trip. We’ll take some time to spend a few days crashing at our friends’ house. Depending on how we plan it, the cash costs will mostly be for gas and some food. Maybe an outing, but you can do activities that don’t cost much money. Just do the things that you commonly did when you were stationed together like letting the kids play at the park, walking through the mall, and even cooking together. We may even get a girls night and leave the kids with the hubbys!

2. Take advantage of Space-A with Armed Forces Vacation Club



Typically when we hear Space-A (space available) we think of the free flights that are offered from base to base. This space available with Armed Forces Vacation Club is for resorts that allow you a week’s stay at a fixed rate of $349 for the room. The rooms are priced per unit, not per person so you can have 6 people in your room and the price will be the same. They are currently running a sale for $299. You can choose to vacay in a variety of places like Texas, Florida, the Bahamas and more.
Less than $50 per night, fixed price of $349 in early May 2018. That’s a SEVEN night stay for less than $300 bucks. Yes, rush and get that!

3. Check out lots of military travel deals for Hotels



If you are just looking to get out of town make sure you plan ahead so you can get ALL your savings!

You can check out sites like goseek.com that will give you a listing of hotels that offer military savings on their price per night. The savings range from $8-$445 a night depending on where you choose to stay.

4. Drive to another base!



Sometimes you just need a CHANGE of scenery. Here’s a way to STAYcation. For example, if you are stationed in a place like Jacksonville Florida, you have access to two bases…and those are NAS Jax and Mayport. Mayport’s lodging sits right on the beach. Rooms include 2 queens and a kitchenette, free wifi, free breakfast and pets are allowed. Ocean view rooms on the 2nd and 3rd floor are $85 per night and 1st floor beach access rooms are $77 per night.

So if you’re close by…BOOK THAT!

No matter where you are in the country, you can probably plan something similar!

5. Theme Parkin’ it

17 signs that you might be a military aviator

Active duty military gets free entry into Seaworld, Busch Gardens and Sesame Place along with 3 dependents. But there are other theme parks you can explore and enjoy that offer military members (active and retired) admission at discounted prices. This list details over 30 locations that offer military deals with savings up to 45%.

There are plenty of ways you can plan your vacay! Whatever you choose, have fun, be safe, and SAVE a few bucks in the process!

This article originally appeared on Military Spouse. Follow @MilSpouseMag on Twitter.

Articles

The 8 most worthless Cobra Commandos

There are a lot of G.I. Joes in the Joe organization. While every commando unit needs people to run the administration of the unit, not all of them need to pretend to be useful on the battlefield. We covered the least intimidating G.I. Joes so it makes sense to look at their arch-nemesis: Cobra.


Cobra is just as big as G.I. Joe, with just as many people. It’s bound to have some dead weight Cobras, or those least likely to help take over the world.

1. Sludge Viper

I can’t list all of the short-lived eco-warriors. I wish I could, because on both sides, they’re absolutely ridiculous.

The most absurd on the Cobra side is Sludge Viper, whose sludge gun (yeah, sludge gun) has unlimited ammo because it degrades whatever is around it into more sludge and shoots WEAPONS GRADE SLUDGE at high velocity. You know, laser weapons weren’t real (yet) when GI Joe was on TV, but we bought it because we all know they will be.

But no one has ever thought of weaponizing sludge. EVER.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator

The weapon is just as dangerous to Cobra as it is to their enemies and has the added benefit of giving off methane. So the only way to defeat Sludge Viper is to get him to shoot himself or smoke a cigarette within 50 feet of him.

2. Lt. Clay Moore

Before the new millennium, Cobra wasn’t really an organization that prided itself on diversity. As a matter of fact, Lt. Clay Moore was Cobra’s only non-Caucasian member before 2001, and even then, Cobra Commander gave the guy’s command to a GI Joe traitor, and when Moore protested, he forced the two to fight to the death. FOR A LIEUTENANT’S SLOT.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Maybe put in for an OCONUS assignment.

Calm down and take a long tour to Korea or something, you two. It’s not worth a death match. I get that his name is a play on on claymore mines but Lt. Moore doesn’t get a cool code name (or any code name at all) and dresses like any regular Cobra soldier. His special training includes losing at death matches. My guess is that the L-T is most likely to defect to the Joes – and for good reason.

3. Raptor

I’m forming an army of evil super soldiers, each with special abilities that will help me take over the world. Obviously, I need an “ex-yuppie tax consultant.” Why is a terrorist army paying taxes? Who are they paying them to? Where the hell did Raptor learn to specialize in these kinds of taxes?

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Raptorman. Not even a Velociraptor.

Raptor spends most of his time – and this is not a joke, it’s on his file card – dressed like a bird and sitting in the bottom of a large cage. He is also Cobra’s falconer, because of course someone who is unnaturally obsessed with birds of prey would find the one job which demands time alone with falcons. I bet they’re super useful in laser combat with the Joes.

4. Big Boa

Big Boa is Cobra’s resident drill instructor and asshole. His bullhorn-like voice kicks open the barracks door at 0500 and forces some awful PT on Cobra recruits. He demands the most out of the trainees but dresses like he’s a member a Daft Punk/Queen Tribute Band but still demands to be taken seriously.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Big Boa: Big asshole, or biggest asshole?

5. Zartan

On top of being able to change his skin to fit in with any environment, which is great for infiltrating the enemy (I mean, probably), Zartan’s file card also lists that he’s really awesome with makeup and is a great ventriloquist.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
I see awful puppet comedy in this guy’s future. Look out Jeff Dunham.

Unfortunately, when you need a deep infiltration agent, you probably don’t want to depend on someone who dresses like Alice Cooper and is a paranoid schizophrenic suffering from multiple personality disorder. This is also the last person who should be sporting a bow and arrow.

6. Croc Master

This genius tried to popularize the use of crocodiles and alligators as home invasion deterrence and was surprised when people didn’t really go for it. If a Brinks guy came to my house and suggested I build a moat, I’d call the cops.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Go back to Florida with the other crazies.

But of course Cobra went for the idea. This is the terror organization who once thought a telethon would be the best way to raise money to conquer the world. And now Croc Master spends his free time in the bathtub pretending to be a crocodile. Why is Cobra full of cosplayers who have creepy relationships with animals?

7. Serpentor

Speaking of cosplayers, the biggest offender of all is Serpentor, who is an all-out furry and talks like a high school drama teacher. If everyone should dress for the job they want, why is the Cobra organization trying to replace Cobra Commander with someone who dresses like he wants to be the Mascot for the Cobra Football Team?

They cloned history’s best military minds and all it can think to do is throw live snakes at people. The Simpsons has a character like this but she’s not in charge and she’s infinitely more likeable.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator

I can’t even imagine what this guy thinks when he puts his snake head on in the morning and looks in the mirror. “Yeah. That’s a good look. Go get ’em today Serpentor.”

8. Major Bludd

Major Bludd has all the makings of a villain’s villain. Eyepatch? Check. Snidely Whiplash mustache? Check. Villainous name? Check. Unfortunately, he has no real-world villainy skills.

His card says “Terrorist.” Well, welcome to Cobra, Bludd, WHERE EVERYONE IS A TERRORIST. His secondary specialty is “weapons and tactics.” Weapons and tactics are pretty much all Cobra is ever supposed to do. What else do you have, Major? Poetry. POETRY. HE’S A POET. AN EVIL POET.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator

Not even good poetry. He’s actually more of a bad rapper. Published in prison newsletters, he outs himself as Cobra’s resident Blue Falcon (a term that probably gets Raptor all hot and bothered): “My ruthless tactics keep you on your toes/’Cause I fight ’em all, whether friends or foes!”

Dishonorable Mention: Cobra Commander

Speaking of what Cobra is supposed to be doing all the time, Cobra Commander makes this list for being one of the worst possible commanders of all time. This is the guy who thought rigging a local election, destroying the Ozone Layer, trying to destroy all the plants on Earth, and starting a rock band were the ways to beat the Joes for good.

If Cobra’s mission was to annoy liberals, they can raise a big ol’ Mission Accomplished banner. No, their mission is to kill Joes and under Cobra Commander, they were never able to kill a single Joe. Not one.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Because you’re awful, CC. Just awful.

The only good plan he ever had was to kill Serpentor, the only commander more worthless than he was. And guess what? He botched that too.

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9 Must-Watch Post-9/11 Documentaries

DoD’s embed program and other mechanisms have given journalists and filmmakers substantial access to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, so it’s no surprise that those conflicts have been some of the best documented in history. Here is WATM’s list of 11 post 9-11 documentaries that did the best at capturing what really happened:


The Hornet’s Nest

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBt-GTfgLh4

A father-son journalism team embedded on what was supposed to be a three-day raid but ended up being nine days of intense fighting by the 101st Airborne.

Restrepo

A group of paratroopers is deployed to the Korengal Valley, one of the most dangerous spots in Afghanistan, for 15 months. During that time, they fight smugglers and insurgents, attempt to win over the locals, and try to save themselves. A camera crew followa them for much of the deployment, documenting their interactions with Afghans and the deep love the men have for each other.

Armadillo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ta5tT0d86A8

A group of Danish cavalry soldiers deploy on a six-month tour of Helmand and a Danish filmmaker goes with them. The film includes a lot of the tedium of a soldier’s life as well as a raid where the soldiers find themselves within a few meters of a Taliban machine gun team.

Hell and Back Again

Nominated for a Best Documentary Feature Academy Award, this film tells the story of a Marine injured in Afghanistan who, after returning to the states, struggles with his post traumatic stress disorder and a badly broken leg. “Hell and Back Again” gives a visceral look at how hard it can be for wounded troops to return to civilian life.

Drone

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i43vSC-dTC0

This is a very critical look at the American drone program. Drone explains the factors that make drones so popular with troops while also looking at the moral burdens on drone operators and emotional pain of those who’ve lost family members to drone strikes.

The War Tapes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32L-yuqpEqEw=560h=315

Directed by Deborah Scranton and shot by National Guard soldiers over the course of their training and deployment to Iraq, the documentary focuses on three men with very different views on the war and their commander in chief. This film is arguably the best in terms of capturing the burdens on the modern-day citizen soldier.

Taxi to the Dark Side

An in-depth look at torture during the opening years of the War on Terror, including the decisions made by the Bush administration. It covers Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo Bay, and the leadership (or absence of it) that governed actions in two prisons. Made by the son of a former Navy interrogator, the film went on to win an Academy Award.

No End In Sight

Although “No End In Sight” was released in 2007, the film concentrates on Iraq in the first year after the invasion. It features interviews with White House and State Department officials who were frustrated with missteps that fueled the growing insurgency and caused extra misery for both Iraqi citizens and the U.S. troops assigned to police them.

The Ground Truth

“The Ground Truth” follows a group of Marines and soldiers from the point they’re recruited and then on to their experiences in war. Troops tell their stories in their own words from their initial training through deployments and struggles once they get home.

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7 Christmas gift ideas for the Marines

So far, we’ve covered what the Army, Navy, and Air Force would probably like to find under their Christmas trees this year, but what about the Marines? Well, we think they’re looking forward to a few good gifts this year, too. These aren’t exactly Toys for Tots, if you know what we mean.


7. Super Hornets to go with Lightnings

The Marines’ Hornet fleet is so old that they needed to be bailed out by the boneyard earlier this year. While the first squadron of Marine F-35B Lightning is deploying, there’s another way to modernize Marine Corps aviation: Give ’em the F/A-18E/F Super Hornet, too. This would let the legacy F/A-18 Hornets coast into a well-deserved retirement.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator

6. More amphibious ships

We put the A-10 on the Army’s wishlist, even though it’s an Air Force asset. Along those same lines, we think more amphibious ships would make a great present for the Marine Corps, even though they’re Navy equipment. Marines are meant for amphibious warfare, but they can’t do that if the sealift isn’t there.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
U.S. Marine Corps MV-22 Ospreys, assigned to Marine Medium Tiltrotor Squadron (VMM) 263, Marine Aircraft Group 29, prepare for flight on the deck of the multipurpose amphibious assault ship USS Wasp (LHD 1). (U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 2nd Class Zachary L. Borden)

5. More operations and maintenance funding

According to the Heritage Foundation, only 41 percent of Marine aviation assets are capable of flying if needed. This is clearly not a satisfactory situation, and it places both aviators and Marines on the ground at risk.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator

4. Resume the Expeditionary Fighting Vehicle program

The Marines are trying to replace the ancient AAV-7 with the Amphibious Combat Vehicle and the Marine Personnel Carrier. Problem is, the ACV doesn’t quite live up to the “Amphibious” part, per the Heritage Foundation’s Assessment of U.S. military strength. Why not scrap those programs and bring back the Expeditionary Fighting Vehicle? The EFV was a superb design that was inexplicably cancelled — a replacement the AAV-7 and the LAV-25 would look good under the tree.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
A prototype of the Expeditionary Fighting Vehicle, planned for deployment to the United States Marine Corps before it was cancelled. (USMC photo)

3. A few good aggressors

The Marines currently use the F-5 Tiger for aggressor training. That’s not a bad plane, but when Marine pilots could be facing Su-27/30/33/35 Flankers, a Tiger may not be enough plane to do the job. The Navy once had F-16s as aggressors — perhaps the Marines can get some late-model Falcons to supplement or replace the Tigers.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator

2. A lot more Ospreys, Lightnings, Cobras, King Stallions, and, well, everything…

The MV-22 Osprey, once targeted for cancellation by former Vice President Dick Cheney, is now in high demand. The problem is that procurement’s not keeping up with said demand. The same can be said for a lot of other airframes in the Marine Corps inventory.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Marine Corps MV-22 Ospreys fly over the Arabian Sea. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Sgt. Keonaona C. Paulo)

1. Put the SAW back in the fire team

The Marines have been replacing the M249 SAW with the M27 Infantry Automatic Rifle. We’re not saying that the M27 is a bad rifle, but the SAW just brings more ammo capacity to the fight. So, why not put the SAW back in the fire team, but keep the IAR as well to replace the rifleman without the M203. Win-win, right?

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
A U.S. Marine fires an M249 light machine gun. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Sgt. Donald Holbert)

What do you think the Marine Corps needs to see under its tree for a Merry Christmas? Let us know in the comments.

Articles

9 things new chief petty officers do when they put on khakis

The US Navy is an institution rich in tradition with its own language and elaborate ceremonies. One of those ceremonies is the Chief Petter Officer initiation.


Ask any sailor what a newly made chief does as soon as they put on the khaki uniform and you’ll get mixed results. Responses vary from the good to the awfully absurd and usually based on a sailor’s time in service.

For example, this sailor on Facebook said that his chief completely changed when he put on the khakis for the first time:

17 signs that you might be a military aviator

Ask a chief and he’ll say that it’s one of the hardest and most satisfying jobs in the world:

17 signs that you might be a military aviator

WATM did an informal poll of sailors of all ranks to uncover the nine common things that new chiefs do when they put on the khakis:

1. Smile incessantly for about an hour.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Photo: Mass Communication Specialist 3rd Class Trevor Welsh/USN

They’ve just been made and now have the privilege to do the following eight things:

2. Get a new coffee mug that says “chief.”

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Photo: navychief.com

A good chief’s mug will be respected and left alone. A bad chief will have their mug washed out. Apparently, chiefs have it in their mind that their unwashed coffee mugs have super caffeine powers.

3. Start calling everyone ‘shipmate.’

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Photo: Mass Communication Specialist 1st Class Jennifer A. Villalovos/USN

Everyone becomes a “shipmate” once you become a chief. It used to be that they call everyone by their rate (Navy job) and rank.

4. Start calling other khakis by their first names.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Photo: Chief Mass Communication Specialist Tiffini Jones Vanderwyst/USN

It’s now Frankie and Jane instead of Smith and Martinez.

5. Start eating like a king in the chief’s mess.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator

Rumor has it that the chiefs eat better than the officers aboard a ship.

6. Gain weight.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator

Everything has a cause and effect.

7. Pass off the ensign to the first-class.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Photo: Mass Communication Specialist 2nd Class Deven B. King/USN

They lose an ensign but gain a lieutenant.

8. Wait for the first person to call him ‘sir’ so he can say, “don’t call me sir, I work for a living.”

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Photo: USN

Along with the new position comes treasure trove of cliché terms that they’ve been waiting years to use. (Poor boot, he confused the chief for an officer.)

Also read: 21 of the US military’s most-overused clichés

9. Change their civilian wardrobes to match their uniforms.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Photo: NavyChief.com

(OBTW: It’s safe to call a chief “a lifer.” If they’ve made it this far, you can expect to get a full 20 years before retiring.)

NOW: 9 WTF? questions Navy recruits have at boot camp

OR: 13 lessons every new sailor learns the hard way

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11 fictional weapons we wish we could check out of the armory

Checking out your weapon from the armory is like standing in line at the DMV — it’s the worst game of hurry up and wait ever.


When you do get it, you spend your day dry firing your weapon at the range and then check it right back in at the close of business.

It happens every day, and the repetition can be very annoying.

Meanwhile back at the barracks, you’re sitting in front of your TV watching your favorite movies or playing your favorite video game, and you begin to think that the futuristic laser gun might be a lot of fun to use against actual bad guys.

Related: This Gatling gun fires up to 6,000 F-Us per minute … and we love it

Check our list of fictional weapons we wish we could check out of the armory:

1. That super sonic shotgun thingy (Minority Report)

When killing the bad guys isn’t the mission, but knocking the crap out of them is.

They got knocked the f*ck out. (Images via Giphy)I actually just want to have this around for my daily commute.

2. The Noisy Cricket (Men in Black)

It would be that perfect weapon to conceal around your ankle holster if you can withstand the recoil of firing it.

His back has to be sore. (Images via Giphy)Maybe do some squats and work on your stance before a live-fire exercise.

3. The Auto 9 (RoboCop)

Because having a .357 Desert Eagle look-a-like you can fire on full auto is badass.

No big deal. (Images via Giphy) If shooting paper targets isn’t your thing, Detroit still needs cops. No word on the Auto 9 being standard issue though.

4.  M41A Pulse Rifle (Alien)

With the outstanding rate of fire of 900 rounds per minute, we’d take this sucker anywhere.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Ripley, Cpl. Hicks, and M41A Pulse Rifle. (Source: Fox)

Also, kudos to the guys who actually made an M41A. Please bring some by Twentynine Palms for immediate testing.

5.  Lightsaber (Star Wars)

This would be a better weapon to have than the standard issue bayonet we’re used too.

Look at his perfect freakin’ form. (Images via Giphy)

6. The Lawgiver (Judge Dredd)

It fires grenades, armor-piercing rounds, and it’s voice activated. This would be the perfect weapon if you find yourself in a jam.

They’ve all been judged. (robert cowley, Youtube) 

Plus, yelling “I AM THE LAW” every time you fire it would be therapeutic.

7.  The Needler (Halo)

A weapon that shoots energy bursts is a must-have in our armory.

(CryGateEntertainment, YouTube)

8. Mark 2 Lancer (Gears of War)

It’s the perfect weapon if you just feel like cleaving your enemy in two.

Cut that sucker. (Images via Giphy)

Also Read: These 4 guns were used to make the longest sniper kills in history

9. EM-1 (Eraser)

This rail gun comes fully equipped with a green x-ray scope and we like that.

A little overkill maybe, but it’s still badass. (Images via Giphy)

10. Gatling Gun Jet Pack (Kickass)

Who wouldn’t want this epic flying weapon in their armory?

Although, cleaning it would be a pain in the a**. (Images via Giphy)

11. The Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device (Portal)

With the ability to create portals and teleport through space, this gun could send troops into any battle in a matter of moments.

Perfect for snatch and grab missions. (Images via Giphy) Can you think of any others? Comment below.
Articles

17 Troops Wrapping Ammo Around Themselves Like They’re Mr. T

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
I pity the fool!


The extremely photogenic Marine trying to be the next Rambo.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Photo: James McCauley

These soldiers broing out with matching 25mm ammo rounds.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Photo: mob mob

This Afghan cop whose way too good looking to show his face.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Photo: DVIDSHUB

 The soldier who got ditched by his squad.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Photo: Wikimedia

This soldier whose belt is long enough to jump rope with.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Photo: U.S. Air Force

  The soldier who finally gets to have a turn on the 240. YES!

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Photo: DVIDSHUB

 This Afghan soldier picking out his best Rambo pose.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Photo: DVIDSHUB

These soldiers accessorizing before joining the Siege of Leningrad.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Photo: Doug Banks

 The admin soldier  who doesn’t skip a photo op.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Photo: Histomil

The guy with a hero complex.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Photo: Histomil

The soldier who wants to play something else besides war.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Photo: Wikimedia

No one is big enough to wear a vulcan cannon ammo belt.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Photo: Paul O’Thomson

These grunts with a mess on their hands.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Photo: Nicholas Fields

 The soldier who washes and dries his ammo belts.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Photo: Judy Proctor

This lady showing off her belt collection.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Photo: Belts Org

This guy who would rather play cowboys and indians.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator

This guy who outdoes Mr. T.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Photo: Andreu Rodriguez

NOW: 17 Photos That Show Why Troops Absolutely Love The .50 Caliber Machine Gun

AND: 7 Key Military Life Hacks That Matter In Civilian Life

Articles

13 hobbies veterans recommend for dealing with stress

After over a decade as an enlisted infantry Marine, my husband jumped ship and crossed over to the dark side as an officer.


When he made the switch, two things happened: he found himself stressed studying more than ever before, and he found himself absolutely bored out of his ever-loving mind in between training classes to become a Marine pilot.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Col. John Kent, the deputy commanding officer of Madigan Army Medical Center prepares the wort chiller for entrance into the boiled wort during a home beer brewing session at his home in DuPont Wash., Feb. 25, 2017.

In a moment of serious desperation, he took to Facebook to plead with his veteran buddies to share their favorite hobbies for dealing with stress and boredom, and they did not disappoint.

In no particular order, here are 13 hobbies these veterans recommend for dealing with stress:

1. Woodworking

Here’s what Newt Anderson wrote: “I recommend woodworking. Start simple, carving. Otherwise you could go down the road of coloring books! You would be surprised how relaxing both can be. A good set of woodworking tools is a must though. Don’t skimp on those or the blisters you get will make you regret it.”

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Stefano De Bortoli, 31st Force Support Squadron wood hobby shop manager, blows sawdust off a piece of wood, March 24, 2015, at Aviano Air Base, Italy.

2. Beer Making

David Sap recommended beer making. Mr. Beer carries a pretty wide variety of starter kits for brewing your own beer, and they claim to be simple, clean, and time efficient. Which is great, because time efficient means more time to brew more beer. Where are my peanuts?

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Photo Credit: Streetwear Deals

3. Quad Racing

“Quad racing. You should check out Tiny Whoop.” Lucy Goosy

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Not *quite* what we had in mind, but you do you. (Photo: US Army Staff Sgt. Jason Hull)

4. Running

Brad Etzweiler and Titus Vanguard both recommended running.

Nothing says “I’m stressed about flight school and the fact that I’m old and fat and can’t run as fast as these boots in my class anymore and I study too much and I also need a stress reliever,” like running a triathlon. Right? RIGHT??

17 signs that you might be a military aviator

5. Kayaking

Gilberto Burbante recommended kayaking. One summer I tried kayaking in white water. As it turns out, I cannot breathe under water and also I suck at kayaking.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
A kayak football player speedily turns his kayak during one of the kayak football games in the tournament held at Naval Support Activity Bethesda’s Fitness Center pool March 12. (U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communications Specialist 2nd Class Hank Gettys/released)

6. Pole Dancing

Hales Fuller fully supports pole dancing as an extracurricular. I am immensely interested in seeing my husband do this. *runs away to install a pole*

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
It’s harder than it looks. (Photo via Flickr user Matteo Schmidt | CC BY-ND 2.0)

7. RC Racing

“RC car racing. I enjoy it and still cheaper then the real thing. It gets addicting though and then you spend the money.” Jack Burton is right, though — it looks expensive.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
RC cars ready to race. (Photo via wiki user Itrados)

8. Guitar

My father-in-law, James Foley, (a retired Master Guns and Viet Nam vet) recommended my husband learn to play guitar. I have no objections.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
U.S. Air Force Staff Sgt. Carrie Gatz, an instrumentalist with the 566th Air Force Band, Illinois Air National Guard, plays guitar for a hospice patient at her civilian job Sept. 11, 2013. 

9. BBQing

“Buy you a smoker — time off, smoke ribs and stuff,” wrote Ryan Clay. Bob Waldren agreed, “I second this. Go hunting and get yourself a few Florida bucks.”

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Nothing brings people together quite like firing up the grill. (Photo via wiki user Gbleem)

10. All the water sports in Florida

Phil John wrote, “Jet ski. [You pay the] initial cost for the ski but then you’re just paying gas. We love ours! Also, spear fishing is a blast. Paddle boarding/ kayaking is great.”

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Racing scene at the German Championship 2007 in a jet ski race on the Elbe, Krautsand. (Photo via wiki user Backlit)

11. Do you even lift, Bro?

My brother-n-law Chuck, also a Marine, recommended lifting. Get thine arse to a gym, brah.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
U.S. Marine Gunnery Sgt. Julian Fyffe does arm curls during physical training aboard the USS Makin Island (LHD8), Feb. 8. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Brandon Maldonado)

12. Learn a new language

In addition to lifting, Chuck recommended learning a new language. Homeboy already speaks some Spanish, Farsi, and something else — Arabic maybe?

Extra credit for swear words.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
A U.S. Navy chaplain, right, studies English with an Afghan girl during a volunteer session May 27, 2013, at the Cat in the Hat Language Arts Center at Bagram Airfield, Afghanistan. (DoD photo by Erica Fouche, U.S. Army)

13. Get your sophistication on

Aside from running, Titus Vanguard also recommended, “Books. Read books and run… you are an officer now.” Adulting is hard.

Dr. Seuss is on the Commandant’s Reading List, right?

Screw it. Where’s that beer brewing thing at?

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Command Sgt. Maj. Patrick McKie, U.S. Army Support Activity Fort Dix command sergeant major, visited New Hanover Township Elementary in Wrightstown, New Jersey March 2 for Read Across America.

How do you relieve stress? Leave a comment and let us know!

Jobs

7 work-from-home tips you will need to be successful

Are you interested in a job that allows you to work from home? You’ll want to make sure to set up an environment that will allow you to work up to your best capabilities. You might think that working from home will be easier or less stressful than an office environment, but that’s not the case if you don’t do it right.

Here are 7 work from home tips you need to be successful:


1. Minimize distractions

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
(Photo by Sadie Hernandez)

Working at home is an incredible convenience and an example of technology enabling us to do things that were not possible only a few years ago. The drawback to this is that you are physically working in your home. Your home life is being brought into the office in ways that would be unthinkable for someone physically commuting into work every day.

For example, your children or pets might be around and they do not necessarily care that you are at work. If they will be around during working hours, keep them occupied or teach them to behave while you are busy. Home has some other distractions, like television or speakers. Keep them away from your work space.

2. Take care of your internet connection

If you are working off your personal internet connection at home, chances are very high that it is slower than the one in an office. Therefore, do not clog it up with junk. If other people in the house would like to play online games or stream while you are working I recommend asking them not to. This is extra important if you use a remote connection and run queries or reports that require a large amount of bandwidth. A slow internet connection will kill your productivity and by extension your mood.

3. Create a separate work space

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
(Photo by San Sharma)

When you work at home, you are literally bringing your work life into your home. It is damaging to your work life balance to constantly bring work home with you. Mitigate this by creating an office space if you have room. If you do not, set aside room within your dining room or living room to work out of. Make it look and feel like a desk you would use in an office.

A separate work space also means maintaining your work hours. Log on and off your computer at the beginning and end of the day. Do not let work bleed into personal life. The only time you should work longer hours at home is when you would also be working longer hours in the office.

4. Act like you are working in an office

Dress in work appropriate clothes. Go through a regular morning routine before starting work. When you interact with people at home act professionally and speak like you are working in an office. Be available and answer your phone and messages promptly.

5. Take advantage of the convenience

If you are working from home you do not have to commute to work. Commuting creates added stress to begin the day and adds it all back at the end of the day. Use this time gained to be more productive and energetic at work and use the additional free time to your benefit. While it is important to avoid distractions while working at home, it also makes things like child care and home maintenance easier.

6. Check in with your co-workers and supervisor often

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
(Photo by Joi Ito)

Working at home can make you feel cut off from your co-workers. You are on your own. It is important to stay connected through your computer and telephone. Always be willing to send instant messages through Skype or whichever software your company uses. Stay available and do not ignore your co-workers when they message or email you, this goes both ways.

Your supervisor has the added challenge of leading you when you are not physically present. Stay proactive and give updates. When you are trying to be responsive or get a response your priority should be telephone, it is the most engaging way to communicate after face to face, which is not feasible when working at home.

7. Take breaks and go outside

At all offices your mental and physical health will affect your work performance. When you work at home, particularly if you live by yourself and do not share a residence with people or pets, it is possible to spend an entire day without going outside. Shutting yourself inside is detrimental to your physical fitness and will hurt you mentally.

When you take breaks during the day take walks or do physical activity. If you worked in a physical office you would take breaks with co-workers and chat at the water cooler, when you are working at home you should do the same. You can also invest your additional time saved by not commuting into your health. Working at home is a modern convenience. If you approach it with the right attitude it can enhance your career and improve all areas of your life.

This article originally appeared on G.I. Jobs. Follow @GIJobsMagazine on Twitter.

More from G.I. Jobs:

Lists

9 big differences between Canadian and American diets

Canada and the United States are not as different as they may seem, at least in the food realm. We have most of the things they have and vice versa and the foods we eat are pretty similar. Even in terms of international cuisine, both countries boast a wide variety of food from all over thanks to robust immigrant populations.

But despite all our similarities, there are still some big differences between the way Americans and Canadians eat, here are the nine biggest ones.


1. Alcohol is not as readily available as it is in some places in the US, but you can drink earlier.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
In Quebec, you can get beer and wine at the grocery store, but you can only purchase liquor at government-run stores.
(Photo by Ryan Tir)

While our friends up north definitely enjoy a drink like anyone else, getting it is not as simple as going to a convenience store, or even a grocery store for that matter. Each Canadian province has different liquor laws and regulations stating what type of alcohol can be sold where. In some provinces alcohol is only sold in government-owned liquor stores while in others you can find it in grocery stores and privately owned liquor stores as well.

In Ontario for example, the Liquor Control Board of Ontario, or LCBO, was the only place where liquor could be purchased within the province until it allowed beer to be sold in designated grocery stores in 2015. In Quebec, you can get beer and wine at grocery and corner stores but still have to get spirits at government-run stores.

The drinking age is also not all-encompassing and is decided by each province. In Alberta, Quebec, and Manitoba you can drink as soon as you turn 18. However, In the rest of the provinces you have to wait a whole extra year to be able to legally partake.

2. Milk is consumed from bags, not cartons.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
In Canada, milk is sold in bags.
(Photo by Andrea R.)

According to Food Network Canadians traded in milk cartons for bags in the 1970s. When Canadians buy milk, they get a package with three un-resealable bags of milk for a total of 4 liters.

To make it easier to pour, they place it in a milk pitcher, cut off the top, and voila! Our northern neighbors gave both glass bottles, cartons, and plastic jugs a chance but when DuPont, a Canadian packaging company, came out with the much cheaper bag option, many Canadians made the switch. Not only were the bags more effective (glass breaks, people) and cheaper to produce, they were also more easily-adjustable to fit with the metric system which the country had recently converted to from the imperial system.

3. British and French food is a lot more prevalent.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
English foods such as fish and chips are common in Canada.
(Photo by Nicole Abalde)

Here’s a little history refresher, Canada was once colonized by both the British and the French. While Canada has been independent of either rule for quite some time now, the colonizers definitely had a lasting influence on the cuisine as well as the availability of European goods.

Many provinces in Canada have touches of French influence in their food but Quebec especially is a hot-spot for both French culture and food. Dishes like tourtiere (a meat pie), poutine (French fries with gravy and cheese curds), pea soup, and Buche de Noel (a rolled Christmas cake) are all French-Canadian delicacies hailing from the Quebec area.

Also prevalent in Canada are English foods and goods. While English pubs are a novelty in the States, they are commonplace throughout Canada making fish and chips and other British staples commonplace. Not only that, but as a part of the British Commonwealth of Nations, Canada has a constant supply of British goods including things like House of Parliament Sauce (a more savory barbecue-like sauce), Maltesers, Smarties, and Cadbury products-galore.

4. Starbucks exists, but it’s all about Tim Hortons.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Canadians love eating at Tim Hortons.
(Flickr photo by Michael)

Starbucks is definitely a thing up north but Canadian’s devotion to Starbucks doesn’t even compare to their undying love of Tim Hortons. The chain is spread out all across Canada and is so popular that according to its website, every day approximately 15% of all Canadians visit a Tim’s near them.

More Dunkin Donuts than Starbucks, Tim’s main staples are coffee and doughnuts but they also sell a variety of coffee drinks, sandwiches, soups, and pastries. The thing to order however, is a double double, which is a coffee with two creams and two sugars. While the order is not unique to Tim Hortons, it’s strongly associated with the brand and so popular that the phrase was added to the Canadian Oxford Dictionary in 2004.

5. Food portions in restaurants are typically smaller.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
In Canada, portion sizes are smaller and junk food is more expensive.
(Photo by Marco Verch)

While it is by no means a hard and fast rule that portion sizes are smaller in Canada, many travelers have found that portion sizes are generally not as large as they are below the border. Additionally, many people have pointed out that junk food in Canada is typically more expensive than it would be in the US.

6. The Canadian chip game is strong.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
All-Dressed chips are popular in Canada.
(Photo by Adam Dachis)

While every country has its own claims to fame in the chip aisle, Canadian chips are particularly famous and exclusive. Ketchup chips are especially revered both in Canada and around the globe for their tangy, vinegary, ketchupy-but-not-actually-like ketchup taste. They’re made by a variety of companies including Lay’s, but they’ve yet to make the pilgrimage down south.

Another Canadian snack-aisle staple is All-Dressed chips. Putting the exact flavor of All-Dressed into words is a little difficult but to help you imagine it just know that they’re “dressed” in sour cream and onion, barbecue, ketchup, and salt and vinegar flavors — in other words they’re all of your favorite chips combined. Ruffles brought the savory treats Stateside for a limited time but unless you were lucky enough to stock up on them then, the only way you can try them is by booking a ticket to Canada.

7. Maple syrup is seriously abundant.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Canada produces 71% of the world’s maple syrup.
(Photo by Marten Persson)

There’s a reason why the Canadian flag features a maple leaf prominently in its center and why the Toronto hockey team is called the Toronto Maple Leafs — maple trees, and more importantly, maple syrup, are a big deal in the country. According to Maple from Canada, the country produces 71% of the world’s maple syrup which means there’s a lot of it within the country. Not only do Canadians use the syrup on its own or as a substitute for sugar, it also features prominently in other sweet treats such as maple taffy, cookies, and candy.

8. They eat beaver tails.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
An apple cinnamon Beaver Tail.
(Photo by Elsie Hui)

Ok, so they don’t eat actual beaver tails, but rather a thick, elongated piece of fried dough covered in sweet toppings that is referred to as Beaver Tails. The pastry is reminiscent of something you would get at a state fair and is covered in a variety of toppings including cinnamon sugar, chocolate, apple cinnamon, and of course maple.

9. Their loaded fries are very different from ours.

17 signs that you might be a military aviator
Poutine is a popular Canadian dish consisting of fries topped with cheese curds and drenched in gravy.
(Photo by Guillem Vellut)

When you think of loaded fries you probably think of some french fries topped with cheese, bacon, sour cream, and maybe a dash of spring onion. Canadians also have a loaded-fry equivalent but unlike ours they’re made of only three key ingredients, fries, gravy, and cheese curds — the squeakier, the better. Poutine is yet another dish thatoriginated in francophone Quebec, but it is a staple all over Canada. In fact it’s so popular, that you can get quality poutine at none other than McDonald’s.

This article originally appeared on Insider. Follow @thisisInsider on Twitter.

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