5 reasons zombies couldn’t defeat the U.S. military
So if a zombie were to come lumbering up your block right now, what would you do? Reach for your weapon? Bolt the doors and windows and stay inside? Rush to your nearest gun shop? Maybe try to make it on post? If you've watched even one episode of The Walking Dead, or if you're a fan of any of the jokey zombie movies that have come out in the last few years, you and your buddies have probably spent at least one evening over beers talking about what you would do if zombies suddenly decided to rush you.
It turns out that you're not the only one thinking about these plans. In fact, the DoD has been considering what the military should do if a zombie apocalypse were to take place.
"This plan was not actually designed as a joke." So starts out CONPLAN 8888, better known as the Counter Zombie Dominance Plan (CZDP), unveiled by the Joint Combined Warfighting School back in 2009.
It's easy to make fun of, for sure, but there might be some real training gems nestled inside this strange idea. The plan's overall purpose isn't to actually train and prepare for zombies, but what the military should do to "preserve non-zombie humans" from the very significant threats posed by a zombie horde. It's also endearing that the DoD is thinking outside the box when it comes to training. Even more comforting is knowing that even if an army of the undead were to attack civilization, there's no chance they'd win. Here's why.
No matter if we get attacked by fast or slow zombies, they're no match for modern aircraft. Fighter jets have serious destructive potential, and they're incredibly accurate. And since we're pretty sure zombies never got the training on how to shelter in place, they'd probably just stand out in the open with fighter jets zipping overhead.
This goes without saying but putting on your gear will definitely help prevent you and your buddies from being bitten by zombies. In most zombie scenarios, they're limited to human strength, so we're pretty sure they can't chew through your IOTV.
Landmines are nothing to mess with, but fortunately, most humans know to stay away from minefields once the first device is detonated. We're counting on zombies not being so smart and would expect them to continue navigating the field, even while the mines exploded all around them. And since zombies are fairly easy to predict, herding them into minefields could be an effective way to deal with them.
Mass charges are all zombies really do. They overrun their target and bite them until they become zombies too. Machine gun fire would put a stop to that quickly.
This one is pretty obvious, but so often overlooked in a takeover of the undead scenario. The truth is that the explosive firepower of tanks means that very few zombies could survive an attack. Even if ammo was low, tanks could easily just run over swarms of zombies, fixing the problem.
Training against fake nations and fake enemies is nothing new
CZDP explores what would happen after a political fallout, a broken chain of command, and a target-rich environment, as would happen if zombies were to suddenly take over the earth. It's just like when the military issues training guides to combat fictional nations like the "Pineladians" or the "Krasnovians," both fictional countries the military trains to fight against.
Fictional countries the military trains to fight aren't new. In fact, it's a standard part of lots of military training. Zombies aside, the military does this by design – in part to ensure that they don't set off any political red flags by having our service members train against nation-states, and because it helps things stay light in the face of what could be some really dark scenarios.
Of course, the Pentagon doesn't actually believe that a zombie takeover is likely, but the training for battling the undead is remarkably useful for other training events. And, since the training manual is so absurd, students at the Joint Warfighters College actually paid attention, were engaged in the lesson, and explored the basic concepts of planning and order development – all very important things for the future leaders of the military.