We’ve been there, done that. But it will never be something we take lightly. Spending the holidays on your own—away from your service member—can bring on all the feelings of why the military is 100% tough on families.
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Before we get into it, let’s acknowledge the mix of emotions this season brings. Military spouses feel all the things during the season of giving. From gratitude to loneliness, from joy to exhaustion, the rollercoaster of sentiments can go from all-time highs to lows very quickly. Let’s validate these feelings instead of calling each other “resilient” for the millionth time. Even though many of us have spent Thanksgiving solo at some point, this familiar and relatable part of military life can be different for everyone.
This article is here to share comfort, unspoken feelings, love for community, the need for a village, and, most of all, practical ideas to make this solo holiday meaningful and memorable.
First, let’s take a minute to recognize that if this holiday looks different for you this year, then that is okay. It is normal to miss traditions, to feel disconnected from what is going on around you, and to feel a lack of any festive spirit. You have to give yourself grace and compassion rather than forcing yourself into a “perfect holiday experience.”
This is your reminder that when the holiday season comes along with separation (i.e., deployments), we have to know that, even though it will be different, it is not a failure. This is a reality of this lifestyle. This season, success might look different. This holiday, as you cook a simple meal or spend time with your little ones, understand that success while flying solo this holiday looks like getting through the day with gentleness. This holiday, honor yourself in the military season you are in, and not the one you think you are supposed to create.
You are doing the best you can, at the place where you are, with what you have, and that is what matters most.
Now that we have acknowledged that, the next step is to lean into your community. You do not have to do this alone, and when holidays come around, your military community is your lifeline. I get it, you are independent, but even independent people know that time with others can be grounding, especially when they understand what you are going through. And honestly, there are many ways in which you can connect with your community this season. This is the time when on-base events such as FRG Thanksgiving potlucks, command gatherings, chapel events, and community center drive-thru dinners offer a sense of belonging. Sometimes showing up is what matters; no need to show up with a perfect dish or fake holiday smile. We get it, we have been there, and we are glad you joined us.
If on-base activities aren’t your thing or you live off an installation, consider creating your own circle of support. Whether it is neighbors, other military families in your area, parents from your children’s school, work acquaintances–no need to be only military related to be meaningful. The goal isn’t perfection; Thanksgiving is about kindness, comfort, and connection. Store-bought or home-cooked, paper plates or fine china, be present. Finding community does not diminish the ache of missing your loved one, but it can help ease it. This is a reminder that you are still surrounded by care and warmth.
Here’s the other thing: You can always create new Thanksgiving traditions. Have a movie marathon weekend, take a long post-dinner walk, craft with the kids, journal about your day, volunteer with a local food bank, or have a baking party with your favorite military spouse friends. Think of Turkey-trots, gratitude jars, seasonal books you can read, trying a new recipe, and more. You are not trying to replace the traditions you already have with your service member; you are simply creating something for the season you are in.
And while you are creating these traditions, staying connected with your service member can make those moments even more special and meaningful. From planning video calls to sending voice memos, from sharing photos through the holiday to sending care packages with their favorite holiday snack–this reminds you both that you are moving through this season together.
The next part is making space to take care of yourself. Treating yourself with intentional care during a deployment season, more so during the holidays, is essential. This can be done in simple ways, such as taking extra rest, spending time outdoors, enjoying a meal without sharing, reading a good book, or just saying “no” when something feels overwhelming. Self-care is not selfish; it is an act of strength.
This Thanksgiving, reflect gently on what keeps you going through this “flying solo” time. Think of the ones that are showing up for you, the moments of quiet courage, the bits of calm throughout the storm, and the comforts you are leaning into as this season moves on. Yes, it is important to connect with others, but connecting with yourself is just as important, and knowing when to rest while everything feels heavy is a superpower.
As Thanksgiving comes into view, use this as a reminder that missing traditions, feeling the ache of the holiday blues, being aware of your service member’s absence, or even wishing the day away does not make you weak. It makes you human. Resilience does not mean doing everything alone. As you tackle the holiday season—while it might look different—know that you are not alone. The season might feel quiet or incomplete, but know that there is so much to hold onto. Celebrate the small wins, find connection, and trust that gratitude and giving ripples through our military community every holiday season.
