10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever - We Are The Mighty
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10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

By now, we should all understand the life of Ian Fleming’s signature British spy is nothing like the real world of clandestine international espionage agents. The Silver Screen Bond is less clandestine, more clandestish. Even so, there are probably a million reasons any guy would want to be James Bond, and most of those reasons are why he’s a terrible spy.


1. He uses his real name

Secrecy is the most necessary element in the world of spies, so it’s a bad idea to use a real name. Even if James Bond is a cover name, he still uses the same cover name every time. Which is pretty much the same thing and seems like terrible espionage. Knowing how great Bond is with disguises, if he had to make up his own cover name every time, it would probably be just as useless.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
Bond is supposed to be Japanese here. No that’s not a joke.

He’s much better at thinking of bad puns after killing people. No wonder he needs so much help on every mission. Helping Bond can be hazardous to your health. For instance, a guy named Quarrel helps Bond throughout Dr. No and 007 lets Quarrel get torched by an armored flamethrower. Valentin Zukovsy saves Bond, his missions, and the world banking system in two films and Bond lets him get shot to death. And then, like a uniquely British STD, there’s the slew of women who die after a night with him.

2. He cares more about bedding women than any mission

That 007 cares more about sleeping with women than completing (or starting) a mission comes up more than once. In fact, in the first few movies, he doesn’t start his super-important missions until after sleeping with some woman he just met.

That those women usually don’t make it to the end credits is more evidence that James Bond should not be the clandestine agent Great Britain depends on for its security. It’s almost as if these women had to sleep with James Bond.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
That’s the actual line from the movie.

If Bond cared about them, they would probably have a higher survival rate. The only woman Bond ever saved without banging was M, and he couldn’t get away fast enough. It literally took 5 seconds. This also probably why she survives to be in other movies.

If Bond doesn’t care about them, he sure takes it personally every time one of them dies or betrays him — another terrible trait for a spy. Natalya Simonova was one the best Bond girls, but driving a tank around St. Petersberg trying to save her is a great way to blow your cover. Speaking of which…

3. He blows his cover on every mission

In Dr. No, Bond spends half the movie trying to convince an islander to help him infiltrate Dr. No’s radioactive island. He finally does and they sneak on in the middle of the night, only for Bond to give them away first thing the next morning when he sees a woman in a bikini.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

In Goldfinger, he’s supposed to monitor Goldfinger, but instead of that, he immediately breaks into Goldfinger’s suite, introduces himself to Goldfinger’s employee, taunts him via radio, forces him to lose thousands of dollars, then bangs his employee! Is anyone surprised when Goldfinger knocks Bond out in his own kitchen? In my opinion, Jill got dipped in gold paint because she makes poor life choices.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
At least she’s wearing clean underwear.

That was Goldfinger’s employee. In Thunderball, 007 sleeps with his mark’s girlfriend.

4. He drinks like it’s his job

The drinking. All the drinking. The guy is clearly an alcoholic. In the U.S., you can’t even get a top secret security clearance with that much alcohol use, let alone be the top field agent. How does Bond not die in alcohol-related incidents? Or of cirrhosis?

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
One thing at a time, man!

He needs booze to do anything. Sure, we can give him a pass for having a drink while gambling. That helps maintain an effective cover. But how many does he need for that purpose? This is the guy who keeps a bottle of chilled champagne in his tricked-out Aston-Martin just in case he has a lady in need of an emergency picnic. And he pops the compartment open in a move that would make Glenn Quagmire proud.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

With the exception of Timothy Dalton’s chronically misdressed Bond (he wears a shabby wool suit to work and a tuxedo to the carnival), 007 always looks impeccable. How does Bond always manage to look so suave and clean? With as much as he drinks and spends all night every night shagging some new girl, there’s no reason he shouldn’t be tired, unshaven, and smelling like liquor.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
ARCHER IS A DOCUMENTARY

 5. He gets captured all the time

Dr. No captures Bond and serves him breakfast. Bond immediately allows himself to be drugged by drinking the coffee like it was life-giving vodka. When he’s trying to turn a Russian general’s girlfriend in The Living Daylights, he CHUGS the martini she gives him. Drugged again. It’s a miracle he ever escapes anything alive. Poisoned vodka should have been enough to kill 007 in 1965 but then again, alcohol poisoning should have done him in a dozen times.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
This should have been the end of every movie.

Alec Trevelyan captures him twice. In Afghanistan, he escapes capture from the Soviets, only to be immediately captured by the Muhajeddin. Elecktra King doesn’t have any special powers or weapons and she captures 007 AND M. Goldfinger captured 007 and carted him around the world for at least a week. James Bond drove up to Harlem in the 1970s, tailing a gangster, then walked right into his nightclub. He was captured and held at gunpoint in about thirty seconds. Later in the same movie (Live and Let Die) he does it again.

6. He never notices the mole in MI6

Every time he travels, every where he goes, the enemy always knows his exact schedule. It doesn’t matter if it’s Eastern Europe, Turkey, or Jamaica, enemy agents always know when his flight arrives and what the world’s top secret superspy looks like. It also doesn’t matter who the enemy is, SPECTRE, Russia, or Dr. No.  Ignoring M16’s mole entirely, Bond spends a lot of tim in Dr. No trying to interrogate his people. When he finally subdues a geology professor who tires to kill him, 007 just shoots him instead of asking him anything.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

In Casino Royale, he doesn’t even bother to check what bank account Vesper Lynd transfers the money to. That could have been a great clue into what was really going on.

7. He rarely searches his hotel rooms for thugs, bugs, or anything

In Goldfinger, Bond blows up a drug lab and then walk right to the bar (surprise) to bang a dancer (big surprise). He walks into her room and starts undressing, missing the thug waiting to kill him. He only notices in the reflection on her eyeball. As the attacker drops the blow, he spins around and lets the lady take it.

In From Russia With Love, after not being in his hotel for two days, he just waltzes in, disrobes and orders breakfast. He doesn’t search for bugs or bombs or anything. THERE’S SOMEONE IN HIS BED and he doesn’t even notice. When he finds out its a woman, He even allows himself to be filmed having sex with her, his Russian informant, who is double crossing him.

It’s a good thing SPECTRE is as incompetent as he is. Even Blofeld, the most epic of all his nemeses, met an ignominious end when Bond dropped his WHEELCHAIR down a smokestack.

8. He hangs out with the supervillains he’s supposed to take out

In Live and Let Die, 007 disarms and captures a woman by burning the assailant’s drawn gun hand with a cigar while breaking into his hotel room. She says she’s CIA… and that’s good enough for James Bond, even though she can’t do any actual spy stuff or shoot a weapon. He sleeps with her anyway, then spends the next day fishing with her.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but fishing maybe?

Bond spends DAYS with Pussy Galore and Goldfinger without trying to escape even once. He drinks with Emilio Largo, vacations with Electra King, and bangs media baron Elliot Carver’s wife while staying at his house in Hamburg.

9. He’s a huge drain on the taxpayer

And doesn’t James Bond live a really lavish lifestyle for spy? Tuxedos, Aston-Martins, Gambling in the Riviera, not to mention all these other exotic locales? Why doesn’t SPECTRE set up shop in places that are little more out of reach for the West, like Sudan or North Korea? The Bahamas seems like a terrible place to start an evil plan or terrorist group. Bond’s life is one of tuxedos, luxury cars, and champagne.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

Cost Benefit analysis: how much does it cost for James Bond to stop these villains vs. What the villains actually want. How much was that invisible car? How many people died to get Bond in Space? At some point we have to wonder if it wouldn’t be cheaper just to let the bad guys win one. But be advised: When he doesn’t get his way, he rebels and becomes an enemy of the state.

10. He destroys everything

He destroys national monuments, kills local cops, and troops who are only doing their job, even when Russia isn’t the bad guy. It’s not like the cops know who he is, they’re just trying to protect the innocent. Someone let James Bond know Blue Lives Matter. And he can’t just kill someone. It takes four cars, two helicopters, and a train to get to the bad guy. Even when he’s assigned to get one guy, 007 blows up half an african embassy to do it (and gets caught on camera in the process).

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
Even if Bond is a cover name used by many agents, he just blew his cover (see reason #3).

On that note, who is the bad guy here? Isn’t M16 supposed to be supporting justice and peace? Instead their main guy is blowing up dams and trashing cities. He drove a tank through an apartment in St. Petersburg.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
Because f*ck you and everything you love.

If he pulled this stuff in the U.S. it would be on Fox News in heartbeat, and there goes his cover. He ruins weddings, birthdays, and lives.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
And especially vacations. Rue Brittania.

BONUS: Q Branch isn’t that great either.

Pen grenade? Awesome. Magnet and/or laser watch? Perfect. Crocodile suit? Are you kidding me, Q?

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

 

MIGHTY MOVIES

Here’s why ‘Terminator: Dark Fate’ could be the end of the franchise

The latest movie in the long-running “Terminator” series, “Terminator: Dark Fate,” reeled in just $29 million in the US over the weekend and has made $123 million total worldwide so far. The domestic opening is well below studio projections and a disappointing result for a movie that cost $185 million to produce and millions more to market.

“Dark Fate” stands to lose more than $120 million for the studios Skydance Media, Paramount, and Fox, according to The Hollywood Reporter. Fox handled international distribution, marking another post-Disney merger flop for Fox’s film business, which suffered a $170 million third-quarter operating loss earlier this year.


“The mythology has been rebooted so many times without much success,” Jeff Bock, the Exhibitor Relations senior box-office analyst, said of the “Terminator” franchise. “It’s pretty clear audiences have had enough.”

“Dark Fate,” the sixth movie in the series, is flopping despite receiving the best reviews for the franchise in years. It has a 70% critic score on Rotten Tomatoes compared to 27% score for 2015’s “Terminator Genisys” and the 33% score for 2009’s “Terminator Salvation.”

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

Linda Hamilton in “Dark Fate.”

(Paramount)

While “Genisys” was a dud in the US with just under million, it ultimately earned over 0 million worldwide thanks to international box office. “Dark Fate” will likely not experience that boost. The movie flopped hard in its China opening, debuting in second place with million, behind the local holdover “Better Days.”

Paul Dergarabedian, the Comscore senior media analyst, is perplexed by “Dark Fate’s” failure.

“Finally, after many attempts since 1991’s ‘Terminator 2: Judgment Day,’ the movie had the creative pedigree, point-of-view, cast, and storyline that seemingly everyone had been waiting for,” Dergarabedian said. “And yet the film came in under expectations.”

“Dark Fate” acted as a direct sequel to “Judgment Day” and brought back actress Linda Hamilton and James Cameron, who directed the first two movies, as a producer. It’s similar to what Blumhouse did with last year’s “Halloween,” which ignored all other sequels and was a follow up to the original 1978 movie.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

James Cameron.

(Photo by Gage Skidmore)

“Halloween,” however, was a major success with two sequels in development.

“Nostalgia is a tricky beast and in ‘Dark Fate’s’ case, audiences had been fooled one too many times,” Bock said. “Horror, on the other hand, can be retooled for modern audiences without much scrutiny, as scare tactics aren’t beholden to the same ‘lofty’ set of parameters.”

Furthermore, there’s the “Joker” problem. The movie is still a major box-office force, even over a month after its release, and it crossed the 0 million mark globally over the weekend.

“‘Joker’ is having a long-term impact on virtually every movie that has opened in its wake,” Dergarbedian said.

Cameron told Deadline in August 2019 that “Dark Fate” could launch a new “Terminator” trilogy if it performed well at the box office. But considering the weekend numbers, the franchise might not be back for a long time.

This article originally appeared on Insider. Follow @thisisinsider on Twitter.

Read more:

Articles

The 13 funniest memes for the week of Sept. 22

Earthquakes are hitting all over, the Caribbean is under water, and Kylie Jenner is pregnant.


Everything is a disaster.

Except these military memes. These are great. And we’re here with them every week.

This week was is brought to you by an Air Force vet. Expect a lot of Air Force jokes.

1. It’s football season. Let the sh*t talk begin.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
Can’t wait to see this years’ Navy cadet video.

2. If civilians knew the truth, they’d never sleep. (via Decelerate Your Life)

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
No chow hall burger ever looked this good.

2. Actually, the burgers at Air Force DFACs are great. (via Why I’m Not Re-Enlisting)

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
Where’s the golf course, soldier?

3. There are more uncivilized places than Army posts.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
It was also the Emperor’s idea to put Crackie Hall next to Sh*t Creek in Hawaii. You’re welcome.

Read: This is what China will do if the US attacks North Korea

4. But the Death Star isn’t next to “Sh*t Creek.”

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

5. The Air Force needs to stick up for itself. (via Decelerate Your Life)

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
This guy is sporting the new Air Force PT shirt.

6. Except for nonners.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
But they all go looking for IQ: 145 when the wifi goes down.

Check Out: This sailor has one of the most impressive resumes you’ll ever see — and he’s not done yet

7. This is 80 percent of you. (via Why I’m Not Re-Enlisting )

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
I read your comments, WATM people.

8. Becoming a veteran is cause for celebration. (via Decelerate Your Life)

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

9. Why do they have us do this?

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
We all just end up hurt.

Now read: This is how to see if you would have been drafted for Vietnam

10.  The only thing worse than a climate survey is meaningless awards night.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
Also, anything that is just a certificate is a waste of time.

11. Drill Instructors are memorable people.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
We also remember every subsequent time.

12. They should have put more effort into managing our diets.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
Thank god for our leadership.

13. No one doctored this. This is a DoD meme.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

Articles

Marines arrive in Syria to support assault on ISIS capital

U.S. Marines arrived in Syria Wednesday to begin the first phase of President Donald Trump’s plan to expel the Islamic State from its capital of Raqqa, The Washington Post reports.


10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
Marines with the 11th MEU train in Djibouti. Leathernecks from the 11th MEU reportedly just deployed to Syria to bolster an assault on Raqqa. (U.S. Marine Corps photo)

The Marines reportedly from the 11th Marine Expeditionary Unit based in San Diego will provide artillery support to the Syrian Democratic Forces, and accompanying U.S. special operators in the assault on the city. The type of artillery base must be within 20 miles of its intended target to be effective, the Post notes. Some infantry Marines accompanied the unit to provide force protection on the mission.

Read More: STRYKER combat vehicles roll into Syria

Trump, along with Secretary of Defense James Mattis, will also likely lift the current cap on U.S. special operators embedded with local forces in tandem with the deployment. The U.S. has approximately 500 special operators in the country currently. Their proposal would also include the use of U.S. attack helicopters, U.S. artillery, and increased arms sales to U.S.-backed forces.

The main recipient of U.S. aid and artillery support will likely be the Syrian Democratic Forces, an anti-ISIS force largely composed of Syrian Kurdish fighters. American reliance on Syrian Kurds will likely spark major tensions between the U.S. and Turkey, who regard the Kurdish forces as an existential threat on par with ISIS. The Kurdish forces have proven the only reliable, large-scale U.S.-backed force capable of fighting the terrorist group effectively.

New strategic plans for Raqqa are likely just a small facet of a new overall strategy to eradicate ISIS. Trump ordered a 30-day review of U.S. strategy, along with options to increase operations tempo, which the Pentagon delivered to the White House Monday.

“This plan is a political-military plan,” Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Joseph Dunford told a think tank audience in late February. “The grievances of the [Syrian] civil war have to be addressed, the safety and humanitarian assistance that needs to be provided to people have to be addressed, and the multiple divergent stakeholders’ views need to be addressed.”

Content created by The Daily Caller News Foundation is available without charge to any eligible news publisher that can provide a large audience. For licensing opportunities of our original content, please contact licensing@dailycallernewsfoundation.org.

MIGHTY TRENDING

Russian city introduced new mayor…by playing the Star Wars theme?

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…

Oh, wait, no.

Actually, it was March 26, 2019, in the Russian city of Belgorod…

That’s when the music used to introduce the newly elected mayor at his oath-swearing ceremony was the Main Theme from Star Wars.

Video circulating on social media of the March 26, 2019 incident captured the moment when Yuri Galdun, 56, was introduced to take his oath of office after being elected to the post by Belgorod’s city council:


Мэр Белгорода принял присягу под музыку из “Звездных войн”

www.youtube.com

After Galdun’s name was announced, all of the people in the public hall were asked to “Please stand up.” Then, as Galdun walked out onto the stage, the public- address system blared out a short snippet of the Star Wars theme by composer John Williams – the song heard at the beginning of all the episodic Star Wars films.

Galdun, a former deputy governor of the Belgorod region, did not appear surprised as he placed his right hand on the Russian Constitution and said: “I take upon myself the highest and most responsible duties of the mayor of the city council for the city of Belgorod, I swear.”

Russia’s Baza channel on the Telegram instant-messaging app reported that the music was selected by a group of local officials that included Lyudmila Grekova, who heads the Belgorod city administration’s Department of Culture.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

Yuri Galdun.

“We decided to replace the music” normally used for oath-swearing ceremonies “in order to make it more modern,” Baza quoted Grekova as saying on March 27, 2019.

Grekova told Baza that the decision was made by the group of city administrators, who listened to the brief snippet of music without knowing where it came from.

“There was no malicious intent,” Grekova said, adding that she usually “demands” Russian culture be represented rather than “foreign content.”

The Star Wars theme is considered the most recognizable melody in the series of Star Wars films. In addition to opening each of the films, it also forms the basis of the music heard during the end credits.

This article originally appeared on Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty. Follow @RFERL on Twitter.

MIGHTY TACTICAL

The Marines will get a new wheeled amphibious combat vehicle

The Marine Corps announced on June 20, 2018, that BAE Systems will make the service’s brand-new amphibious combat vehicle, planned to replace aging tracked amphibious assault vehicles that have been in service since the 1970s.

After almost three years of testing, the Corps announced it will award several contract options, worth up to $198 million, to BAE to build 30 low-rate production ACV 1.1 vehicles, John Garner, Program Executive Officer for Land Systems Marine Corps, told defense reporters.


Additional contract options could raise the value of the deal to $1.2 billion.

BAE, a British defense contractor, was one of two companies the Marine Corps selected in 2015 to build 16 ACV 1.1 prototypes for testing as part of a “lower-risk, incremental approach” to replacing the Corps aging amphibious assault vehicle fleet. The other company that built a prototype was Virginia-based SAIC, which teamed up with Singapore Technologies Kinetics.

“Today, after a rigorous and thorough test and evaluation period of two competing prototypes, we are taking another major step in fielding that much-needed capability to our Marines,” Garner said.

The decision comes after the assistant secretary of the Navy for Research, Development and Acquisition, James “Hondo” Geurts, made the Milestone C decision for the program to move forward, Garner said.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
James F. Geurts

Milestone C signifies a validation of early testing and clearance to move forward with an operational platform.

ACV1.1 will bring a “modern wheeled capability with land mobility on par with modern battle tanks, along with the remarkable survivability the system has for under-body blast and also other threats,” said Col. Wendell Leimbach, Program Manager for Advanced Amphibious Assault.

The first low-rate initial production vehicles will be delivered to the Marine Corps by the fall of 2019, Garner said, adding that the service will conduct initial operational test and evaluation in late 2020.

The 3rd Amphibious Assault Battalion on the West Coast will be the first unit equipped with the ACV 1.1, Marine Corps officials said.

The Marine Corps plans to buy 204 ACV 1.1 vehicles in this first phase of the effort. Phase Two will be the development of the ACV 1.2, an upgraded amphibious platform, also made by BAE, that the Marines hope field to as a replacement for the fleet of 870 amphibious assault vehicles.

BAE will make some minor improvements to the ACV 1.1 LRIP vehicles before initial delivery, but “there are no issues” in terms of major system capabilities such as survivability, Garner said.

“Quite frankly, we could field the vehicle right now the way it is,” Garner said. “But we will always — as we do with any program — continue to do improvements to it.”

This article originally appeared on Military.com. Follow @military.com on Twitter.

MIGHTY TRENDING

Over 400 US Navy sailors are desperately fighting the 1,000-degree fire raging on a warship for more than a day

A devastating fire continues to spread throughout the US Navy amphibious assault ship USS Bonhomme Richard, a US Navy official revealed in an update Monday, over 24 hours after the ship burst into flames.

Rear Adm. Philip Sobeck, the commander of Expeditionary Strike Group 3, told reporters that the fire, which is believed to have originated in the lower vehicle storage area, has damaged the superstructure, collapsed the masts, and spread to the bow.


Sobeck said at the moment it is believed that there are two decks standing between a fire as hot as 1,000 degrees in some places and about 1 million gallons of fuel, but he said that while the risk of the fire reaching the fuel was “absolutely a concern,” the response team would “make sure” the fire does not reach the fuel.

With all the water that has been dumped onto the ship, the Bonhomme Richard is listing on its side. Navy helicopters alone have dumped 415 buckets of water on the ship.

And a total of 57 people, including 34 sailors and 23 civilians, have suffered injuries, such as smoke inhalation and heat exhaustion. Five remain in the hospital.

Sobeck told reporters Sunday evening that “we’re absolutely going to make sure it sails again.”

He added: “We’re just going to get right back at it once we get this thing contained and put out.”

On Monday, he reiterated that he remained hopeful.

There are more than 400 sailors battling the blaze aboard the Bonhomme Richard. “We’re doing everything we can,” the admiral said, adding that the Navy responders would “make every effort to save the ship.”

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

Firefighters battle a fire aboard the US Navy amphibious assault ship USS Bonhomme Richard (U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 3rd Class Christina Ross)

‘Hell in a very small space’

The ongoing fight aboard the ship is intense. “Shipboard fires are enormously hard to fight,” retired Adm. James Stavridis, a former NATO commander, wrote on Twitter Monday.

“Having been through a couple, I can tell you they are hell in a very small space,” he said. With temperatures as high as they are in some places on the ship, sailors are rotating in and out on 15-minute firefighting shifts.

The specific cause of the fire is unknown and will likely remain unknown until the fire can be extinguished.

The ship was undergoing maintenance at Naval Base San Diego when the fire ignited.

“At least some, if not all of, the major firefighting systems are tagged out for maintenance,” retired US Navy Capt. Earle Yerger, the former commander of the amphibious assault ship USS Bataan, told Insider. Sobeck confirmed that the Halon fire-suppression system was not active.

Furthermore, “in the yards, you have multiple cables, wires, and hoses running straight through passageways,” he said. “As a result, you can’t close the fire doors. Once [the fire] got seeded and got going, there is no way to contain it. It was like a chimney all the way up to the island.”

Yerger added that limited manning may have also hindered the crew’s early ability to fight the fire, saying that had the ship been at sea with a full crew, they would have likely had it under control in less than an hour. At the time of the fire, there were only 160 people on the ship.

While Sobeck has expressed optimism the ship could be saved, Yerger said the ship was likely too far gone.

“You’re not going to fix it,” he told Insider, adding that the ship’s future probably involved being towed out and sunk to a “deep point in the ocean.”

“Build a new America-class and call it a day. This ship is 23 years old. You’d be better off to start fresh,” he said, referring to the newer amphibs replacing the Wasp-class vessels. “Just let it go.”

This article originally appeared on Business Insider. Follow @BusinessInsider on Twitter.

MIGHTY HISTORY

That time a Nazi captain recommended a British captain for the Victoria Cross

“The lights went out, the ship rolled and tossed and suddenly seemed to settle well on her starboard side,” stoker Bert Harris later said. “The Germans had shot us to pieces.”


“Abandon ship!”

HMS Glowworm was lost, but its captain, 35-year-old Lt. Com. Gerard Broadmead Roppe, would win a posthumous Victoria Cross for the action. And, strangest of all, he would get it on the recommendation of the German captain who had sunk his ship.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
Glowworm moving to ram the Admiral Hipper during World War II.

In April 1940, the Glowworm, a Royal Navy G-class destroyer, was part of the escort for the battle cruiser HMS Renown during mine-laying operations in the North Sea. On the night of April 7, 1940, however, the Glowworm, which was armed with four four-inch guns and ten torpedoes, lost a man overboard in rough weather, and fell behind to search for him.

“That was a bad omen,” Harris later said.

Capt. Roppe eventually had to give up the search and was returning to the Renown when, at about 8:30 a.m., April 8, the Glowworm encountered two German destroyers. The German ships, the Bernd von Arnim and the Hans Ludemann, were escorting the 14,000-ton German heavy cruiser Admiral von Hipper, under the command of Capt. Hellmuth Heye. The cruiser was transferring German troops to Trondheim, Norway, as part of the German invasion.

The Glowworm and the German destroyers exchanged fire, with the Glowworm scoring a hit on one of the two ships before the German ships fled into a squall with the Glowworm in pursuit. But when the Glowworm came out of the squall, she suddenly found herself within range of the Admiral von Hipper and facing that ship’s eight eight-inch guns

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
The HMS Glowworm burning after taking heavy fire.

The Hipper opened fire with the Glowworm at 9,200 yards (8,400 meters), and its fourth salvo struck the smaller ship. The Glowworm began making smoke and used the cover to dart back into the squall as the bigger ship continued firing. The Glowworm struggled to get within range of the Hipper. By then, her radio room, bridge, and forward 4.7-inch gun had been destroyed. Her engine room and her rangefinder had been hit, and the small ship was ablaze. The upper yard of her mast had collapsed, falling across wires and short circuiting the ship’s siren that wailed unheeded.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
The Hipper attacking Glowworm from the Hipper’s crew’s perspective.

Knowing he had no chance again the Hipper, Capt. Roppe determined to cause as much damage to the larger ship as he could.

Unbelievably, he attacked.

At 10:10, Capt. Roppe fired his ship’s five torpedoes at a range of 870 yards (800 meters), but all five missed their target. Unable to evade the larger ship, he ordered the Glowworm to ram, and the British ship struck the German cruiser near her starboard bow, gouging a large hole in the side of the German ship. The Glowworm scraped along the side of the German ship before pulling clear and coming to rest in the water, flaming and with its siren still wailing.

Related: This naval battle helped set the stage for two world wars

The Glowworm‘s wheelhouse, transmitting station, wireless office, and the captain’s cabin that was functioning as a first aid station had all been hit and destroyed. There was a huge hole in the side of the ship near the engine room and her superstructure was in shambles.

Capt. Roppe gave the order to abandon ship.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
British destroyer HMS Glowworm recoiling from German heavy cruiser Admiral Hipper after ramming her off Norway in April 1940.

As men were jumping over the side, Harris said, Petty Officer Walter Scott stayed on the only Glowwworm gun that was still operable and “kept that gun going for quite a time.”

In all, 111 members of the Glowworm’s crew were lost, including Capt. Roppe, but with a gallantry that was lost as the war advanced, the Hipper’s Capt. Heye rescued thirty-one survivors of the British ship and congratulated them for the fight they had put up.

“(He) told us that our Captain had been a very brave man,” said Harris.

The Hipper completed her mission, dropping troops at Trondheim, but then returned to port for repairs. She was out of action for a month. From there, Capt. Heye sent a Victoria Cross recommendation for Capt. Roppe to the British War Office.

And Capt. Roppe got it.

Articles

7 improvised weapons that will ruin your day

Sometimes you have a few enemies who absolutely, positively need to go away, and you’re just all out of trusty 5.56x45mm NATO standard with which to work.


A few fighting forces in history have found themselves in the exact same situation and decided to do something about it. They made their own weapons out of everything from leftover liquor bottles to water pipes. Here are seven of their greatest hits.

1. Molotov Cocktail

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
A protester holding Molotov Cocktail seen as the clashes develop in Kiev, Ukraine, on Feb. 18, 2014. (Photo: Mstyslav Chernov/CC BY-SA 3.0)

One of the most famous improvised weapons of all time, the Molotov cocktail is simple and easy to create. During the Spanish Civil War from 1936 to 1939, fighters resisting the Soviet-backed army began wrapping glass bottles and jars in fabric, filling them with flammable liquids, setting the fabric on fire and throwing them.

The weapon got its name in the Winter War of 1939 when Finnish fighters used it against the Soviets and gave the weapon its famous name.

2. Waterpipe submachine guns

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
Actors carry improvised weapons in the movie “Warsaw Uprising.” The weapon in the center is a Błyskawica submachine gun. (Photo: Public Domain)

In World War II, the Polish resistance found itself underequipped and facing the full might of the Nazi war machine. With limited supplies coming from the Allies, they decided to create their own weapons including submachine guns named the Błyskawica crafted from water pipes and other household materials.

The weapons were simple and had limited range and accuracy, but they worked. Recently, homemade submachine guns have become popular in the West Bank.

3. Homemade land mines/IEDs

There’s little chance anyone reading this doesn’t know what an IED is, but Afghan and Iraqi insurgents weren’t the first to create improvised explosives and bury them.

A long-running war in Colombia that may finally be coming to end resulted in an unknown number of homemade mines being buried across the country. They still injure and kill thousands per year.

4. Fougasses

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
A fougasse improvised incendiary mine is tested on a car in 1940. (Photo: British Imperial War Museum)

Speaking of homemade mines, fougasses were mines originally created by the British Army to melt tanks if the Germans invaded across the channel. Basically, an explosive charge sends a ton of burning fuel and oil onto a target.

Britain never used the weapons, but the Russians did in World War II and America did in Korea.

5. Barrel bombs

A weapon of choice for the Assad Regime in Syria, barrel bombs are exactly what they sound like. A barrel is stuffed with explosives and oftentimes wrapped in metal before being dropped from a helicopter. When they detonate, the metal turns into a spread of shrapnel with deadly results.

6. Hell cannons

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
The Free Syrian Army fires a hell cannon in Syria.(Photo: YouTube/Information Weekly)

The rebels in Syria have their own answers to their enemy’s barrel bombs, and one of the most frightening is the hell cannon. Improvised barrels fire fin-stabilized propane tanks over a kilometer before a fuse detonates a blast large enough to destroy floors of a building.

Larger versions use oxygen cylinders or even residential water heaters for ammunition and can destroy multiple buildings.

7. Homemade flamethrowers

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever
(Photo: Public Domain)

Another amazing weapon from the Polish resistance in World War II, the K Pattern Flamethrower was basically a compressed air tank, fuel tank, hose, and pipe with a flaming rag on the end.

But they worked, well. They could fire for up to 30 seconds, usually in one-second bursts. Operators cleared houses with them and sometimes even killed large tanks like the Tiger with them.

Articles

Here’s The Intense Training For Marines Who Guard American Embassies

The U.S. Marine Corps is often at the tip of the spear, and the few chosen to guard American embassies in friendly and not-so-friendly places around the globe are certainly proof of that.


Also, Watch: Watch Air Force Security Forces Training For Base Security 

Stationed at 176 embassies and consulates around the globe, Marine watch-standers and detachment commanders with Marine Corps Embassy Security Group keep a watchful eye on diplomats, classified information, and equipment vital to U.S. national security.

In many hotspots — Yemen, Pakistan, and Iraq for example — their presence, professionalism, and training is an absolute necessity for diplomats to be able to do their jobs. But before they can go overseas, they need to pass one of the Corps’ toughest schools: MSG School in Quantico, Virginia.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

“To go in there knowing that people have been dropped from school for sneezing when they should be keeping their bearing, or having a single Irish pennant on their uniform,” Ben Feibleman, a Marine veteran who served as an MSG in Liberia, Malta, and Iraq, told WATM. “Knowing that however true it may be, is nerve wracking. The entire time you are walking on pins and needles.”

While noting the schoolhouse is filled with rumors and exaggerations (which likely include the above anecdote) of why past Marines failed, Feibleman said, “things that will get you yelled at in the fleet will get you dropped.”

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

The school has a number of challenges, from weapons qualification under State Department (rather than Marine Corps) guidelines, classes ranging from alarms and electronics to State Department acronyms, physical training, peer evaluations, and a board that interviews every student before signing off on whether they can become an MSG.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

“They give you hypothetical questions: ‘What would you do if someone had a kid out front [of the embassy] with a knife to their throat. What would you do, would you open the door?'” said Feibleman, of a potential question asked in a room typically packed with high-level Marine officers, government contractors, and intelligence officers.

Perhaps the roughest part of MSG training is when students are pepper-sprayed. Not only that, they have to be able to perform a number of movements and fight a potential assailant while they are blinded.

“It may be the greatest pain I’ve ever felt in my life,” Feibleman said.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

Once they graduate, Marines on MSG duty can expect varying tours and experiences at posts worldwide.

“I got to Liberia [in 2003] and the embassy had just been shelled. There’s bullet holes in the windows and in the house. [It was] a not f–king around post. We would go out running and the detachment commander would bring a pistol in a fanny pack.”

While Feibleman said “each post is different,” there are typical duties for watch-standers that can be expected regardless of embassy.

“Your job is to stand in this very small room that’s kind of the size of a deep walk-in closet. It’s got a lot of communications equipment. It’s got a desk. Bulletproof glass.”

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

With a pistol at their side and a shotgun and M4 carbine in a rack, MSG’s quite simply maintain security 24 hours a day.

According to the official MSG website, “the primary mission of the Marine Security Guard (MSG) is to provide internal security at designated U.S. diplomatic and consular facilities in order to prevent the compromise of classified material vital to the national security of the United States.”

Now check out this video from the Marine Corps that gives an inside look at MSG School:

NOW: How Navy Special Ops Survive Training Missions In Freezing Water 

OR: Watch Stephen Colbert’s Hilarious Stint In Army Basic Training 

MIGHTY MOVIES

7 Marvel Cinematic Universe films that made $1 billion at global box office

“Captain Marvel” is the latest Marvel Cinematic Universe movie to hit a huge box-office milestone.

The movie just reached $1 billion at the worldwide box office, joining six other MCU movies. “Avengers: Infinity War” even made $2 billion, and is one of only four movies to ever do so.

“Captain Marvel” fought off online trolls, which launched a campaign to tank its Rotten Tomatoes audience score, to become a global phenomenon. The next MCU movie, “Avengers: Endgame,” will likely join this club and shatter box-office records. Among them, it’s projected to open with the biggest debut weekend of all time, beating “Infinity War.”

Below are the seven MCU movies to hit $1 billion, ranked by how much they made globally, according to Box Office Mojo (unadjusted for inflation):


10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

(Marvel Studios)

7. “Captain Marvel” (2019)

Worldwide box office (so far): id=”listicle-2633895885″ billion

Domestic box office (so far): 8 million

Opening weekend: 3 million

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

(Marvel Studios)

6. “Captain America: Civil War” (2016)

Worldwide box office: id=”listicle-2633895885″.15 billion

Domestic box office: 8 million

Opening weekend: 9 million

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

(Marvel Studios)

5. “Iron Man 3” (2013)

Worldwide box office: id=”listicle-2633895885″.21 billion

Domestic box office: 9 million

Opening weekend: 4 million

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

(Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)

4. “Black Panther” (2018)

Worldwide box office: id=”listicle-2633895885″.35 billion

Domestic box office: 0 million

Opening weekend: 2 million

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

(Marvel Studios)

3. “Avengers: Age of Ultron” (2015)

Worldwide box office: id=”listicle-2633895885″.4 billion

Domestic box office: 9 million

Opening weekend: 1 million

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

(Marvel Studios)

2. “The Avengers” (2012)

Worldwide box office: id=”listicle-2633895885″.5 billion

Domestic box office: 3 million

Opening weekend: 7 million

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

(Disney)

1. “Avengers: Infinity War” (2018)

Worldwide box office: billion

Domestic box office: 8 million

Opening weekend: 8 million

This article originally appeared on Business Insider. Follow @BusinessInsider on Twitter.

MIGHTY CULTURE

What happened aboard the Carl Vinson during Bin Laden’s burial at sea

The dreaded announcement came through the 1MC: River City. If being deployed in the middle of the ocean isn’t bad enough, try being deployed in the middle of the ocean with no comms.

The unfamiliar sound of a V-22 Osprey overpowered the sound of normal flight operations. The updates kept rolling through; starting from the flight deck down to the hangar bays, everything is secured. The rumors start to flow through the grapevine. You can hear the whispers and feel the electricity in the air. Nobody has any information, but everyone knows.

We got him.


10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

A plane captain directs and oversees the landing and take-off of a V22 Osprey.

(US Navy photo by Petty Officer 2nd Class Katie Earley)

It was the only email that was fired off before comms were shut down. The surveillance screen of the flight deck runs 24/7 on all screens throughout the airwing, but today they were all blacked out. The only channel working was CNN. The feeling was odd. We didn’t know anything that was happening except for what we were watching live on TV. We were there, yet we knew nothing. Every sailor was glued to a screen, reading the ticker and waiting for the headlines.

The rumors were confirmed: We got Osama bin Laden and his body is on our ship. The entire ship erupted like Times Square at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve.

Sailors man a mounted .50 caliber on the looking out.

Images taken from WikiCommons.

I ran down to the aft part of the ship and poked my head out of a hatch leading to the flight deck. There were two MAs standing guard that immediately turned me around and told me to get inside. Before I reversed course, I got a glimpse of two men dragging a body out of the helicopter.

The worst part about securing the hangar bay was that the chow hall was on the level beneath it — and the only access to it was through it. Starving, we sat around snacking on Snickers from a Costco pack my mom had mailed to me. When the next rotation shift came on and asked us what was happening, we jokingly told the new shift to line up down by the hangar bay because they were letting us hit bin Laden’s body with wiffle ball bats. I also told them to tell the MAs that they were there for the wiffle ball party and that Petty Officer Kim had sent them.

We weren’t hitting him with bats, but the next shift must have really asked about the wiffle party because a few minutes later, I was called into the ready room and getting chewed out by the chief’s mess about never taking anything seriously and being a bad example to the younger guys. My division chief was an inch away from my face, screaming. I could practically taste his lunch. I guess chow was only secured for E6 and below.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

Sailors fire a .50-caliber machine gun during a pre-action calibration fire exercise aboard the Arleigh Burke-class guided-missile destroyer USS Cole (DDG 67)

(US Navy)

We were told, “officially,” that the body was prepared in accordance to the Muslim religion: wrapped in a white garb, buried on his right side, and oriented northeast to face Mecca. Off-record, we were told that they verified his DNA and they tossed him over the side.

Officially, no country would accept responsibility of the body, so it was laid to rest at sea. Unofficially, I think we didn’t want his burial site to become a martyr’s shrine.

Either way, the mighty back-to-back World War champions found the world’s foremost hide seek expert. If you can’t beat him, kill him.

* Editor’s Note: This article was updated to clarify that the sailors weren’t actually hitting Bin Laden’s body with bats. Petty Officer Kim jokingly said the line to the next shift.*

MIGHTY TRENDING

Russia may be preparing a ground invasion of Ukraine

Ukraine on Nov. 26, 2018, imposed martial law in parts of the country as President Petro Poroshenko warned of the “extremely serious” threat of attack by Russian forces.

Poroshenko on Nov. 26, 2018, said in a televised address that the move was necessary after Russian ships attacked Ukrainian vessels off the coast of Crimea on Nov. 25, 2018.

“Russia has been waging a hybrid war against our country for a fifth year. But with an attack on Ukrainian military boats it moved to a new stage of aggression,” Poroshenko said.


Ukraine says Russia opened fire on its navy and seized three of its vessels, injuring at least six of its servicemen. Russia claims the ships entered Russian waters illegally, and gave them warning to turn back.

Poroshenko said in his video address that martial law was necessary as intelligence services had evidence that Russia was preparing for a massive incursion.

“Here on several pages is a detailed description of all the forces of the enemy located at a distance of literally several dozens of kilometers from our border. Ready at any moment for an immediate invasion of Ukraine,” he said.

10 reasons James Bond is the worst spy ever

Flagship of the Ukrainian Naval Forces.

The country’s parliament granted him emergency powers in areas of the country most vulnerable to attack, and suspended elections for 30 days.

Critics alleged that Poroshenko’s request for martial law was an attempt to postpone elections scheduled for 2019, though lawmakers confirmed the polls would take place as scheduled.

President Donald Trump said he was working with EU leaders to assess the situation, though he refused to condemn Russian aggression. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo called the incident “a dangerous escalation” and a violation of international law, and called on both countries to exercise caution.

Several countries, including Britain, France, Poland, Denmark, and Canada, denounced Russia’s use of force.

Russia has been steadily increasing its control around the Crimean peninsula, which it annexed in 2014. Nov. 25, 2018’s stand-off came to a head after Russia used a huge tanker to block passage through the Kerch Strait — the only access point to the Sea of Azov, which is shared by both Ukraine and Russia.

The Sea of Azov has been a flash point in the conflict between the two countries. In May 2018, Russia completed its construction of a massive 18-kilometer (11.2 mile) bridge linking the Crimea peninsula to mainland Russia.

Russia’s foreign ministry accused Ukraine of “well-thought-out provocation” in order to justify ramping up sanctions against them. Russia also alleged that Kiev was working in coordination with the US and EU and warned of “serious consequences.”

This article originally appeared on Business Insider. Follow @BusinessInsider on Twitter.