Basically the beer-equivalent of an angel and a devil on your shoulders. One telling you to floss and go to sleep at 10 p.m. The other telling you that girl is gonna think you're so hot if you take your shirt off and repeatedly yell "Free Bird" during someone else's karaoke song.
Pabst Blue Ribbon beer is celebrating its 175th birthday the same way most people celebrate their (18th, 19th, 20th and...) 21st birthday--with a whole lot of beer. However, PBR has a new spin on their own birthday gift this year. They are debuting two very different beers: one a totally non-alcoholic beer, and the other a more alcoholic beer (from 4.6% ABV to 6.5% ABV).
In true yin and yang fashion--they come in black and white cans. Debauchery and purity. Dark and light. Stumbling into a Little Caesars at 2 a.m. Being the DD driving your buddies to buy Little Caesars at 2 a.m.
According to PBR, both beers are modeled after the same taste profile as standard PBR. In case you are unfamiliar with binge drinking on a budget, that taste can only be described as "fun water." This is not to say that PBR tastes bad. It's arguably the best bang-for-your-buck beer out there.
Please do not let beer snobs fool you. There is a reason most beer snobs end up brewing their own god-awful wheat sludge in a basement-- because they are ashamed, deep down, that the neighbors will see their pretentious witchcraft-beer rituals.
It's really refreshing to know that PBR is finally going to bring some easy drinkability to the non-alcoholic beer market. Gone are the days of choking down a couple of lukewarm O'Douls (gag) with your dad. We're so happy you've kept the promise for yourself to bend your situation towards self-improvement and hold yourself accountable all these years...but damn it those things taste like liquid saltines with no salt.
Now next time that weird distant uncle nobody really knows shows up to the 4th of July party ready to turn it into a rager--you can just toss him a white non-alcoholic can of PBR. It'll taste great, and he won't know the difference. You just may save that above-ground pool from his antics this year...
On the flip side-- think of all the possibilities now that PBR can get you drunk before 20 beers! Think about all the conversations you can see through to the end, instead of going to take a whiz every 6 minutes! Think of the 10s of dollars you can save! Think about only having to use your car keys to shotgun 10 PBRs instead of 12!
All joking aside this is great news. You and your buddy fresh out of AA can still enjoy some PBRs together in the summer heat. Throw some brats on the grill. Get too hot and move inside. Watch some underwhelming baseball game. Live life.
This is of course, if you're over the age of 21.
If you're a 20-year-old man or woman, you can ship out overseas. You can be trusted with millions of dollars of equipment. You can be trusted with the responsibility of defending your life and your brothers in arms.
But for some reason, you still can not be trusted with a six pack of PBR. Hell, depending on the state, you can't even buy that nice new white can of non-alcoholic PBR.
But that is a thought for a different day.
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