In one of the many nonsensical attempts at micromanaging every aspect of a troop's life, some higher-up established the "battle buddy" system. The idea is that one troop, if made accountable for their buddy's actions, would watch over the other and, hopefully, stop dumb things from happening.
In theory, it must've sounded great. Troops would keep tabs on each other, quickly share information, and build stronger camaraderie. In practice, however, it often means the First Sergeant has to pick up two idiots from the MP station instead of just one. I'm convinced that they ironically keep the silly "battle buddy" name because of how irritating the cutesy moniker is to higher-ups when they watch their beautiful system go to sh*t.
1. They were there with you from the beginning
The moment a troop arrives at their first duty station, their NCO looks around the platoon for another new guy and says, "there. You two are battle buddies now. Exchange contact info."
This off-handed selection turns into a lifelong commitment.
2. They've saved your ass — literally and figuratively
When grunts are out doing grunt sh*t, the saying "all you've got is the man to your left and right" rings true. But it doesn't take a life-or-death situation to solidify a friendship — that happened long ago.
Mistakes are never easily forgiven and accusations are convictions. But when sh*t gets tough, if your battle buddy backs you up, you're in the clear.
3. They want to kill Jody more than you
When you've gone your entire military career suppressing emotions, it's nice to have an emotional mirror who does the expressing for you. Sure, your battle buddy might make some extreme suggestions now and again, but they've got the best of intentions.
For example, let's say a troop's spouse is being unfaithful. It's not easy news to stomach and, chances are, the betrayed troop is going to spiral into a depression. It's at times like these that nothing beats meeting your battle buddy in the smoke pit to imagine up some grandiose revenge plots.
4. If you want to do anything fun, you need them
Want to go off-post while you're stationed outside the US? You need a battle buddy. Want to go to the gym after hours while deployed? You need a battle buddy. Need to use the latrine? Battle buddy.
The military's reliance on the buddy system basically means if that a troop wants to make some trouble, they're required to bring a friend.
5. Their best stories involve you
Every story starts out the same way: "No sh*t, there I was... Me and my buddy over here were..." You guys have forged a bond and when you're gone, they'll miss you and talk about you all the time to their new friends. But these new guys aren't their bro; you are.
Do your buddy right: Call them up, get together occasionally, and tag them in a meme every now and then.