Military Life

Dress uniforms from every military branch, ranked

There is a multitude of military uniforms across the five branches and they all serve a purpose. Uniforms are (intended) to be functional and cater to the specific career fields that exist in each military branch. However, when it comes to appearance — especially dress uniforms — there are some that outshine others.


Let's take a look at whose uniform wins the race, appearance wise.

5. Air Force

Sorry, my dear Air Force, but you have the worst uniform out of all services. Granted, the Air Force is the youngest of all branches, so there might still be some room for growth, but why does everyone wearing their dress blues look like a flight attendant? Please, just give the uniform some variety already.

"Coffee or tea, anyone?"

There's nothing special about Air Force dress blues or the horrendous gray, green, tiger-striped ABUs that are worn on a daily basis. Also, anytime a cardigan is an acceptable, issued uniform item, you might as well openly welcome the heckling when you raise your hand to enlist. Hopefully, things get better with age.

"Won't you be our neighbor?"

4. Coast Guard

Who would have thought that the Coast Guard would outshine the Air Force on this? Let's be honest, the only thing that separates the Air Force dress uniform from the Coast Guard dress uniform is the gold insignias, buttons, and rank. Maybe it's a tie? At this point, the gold is the only detail that gives the Coast Guard an upper hand.

SEAL Tridents definitely help.

Truthfully, while the Air Force looks like flight attendants, the Coast Guard at least has a white and black hat the makes them look like airline pilots. Oh, and the operational dress uniform (ODU) doesn't consist of tiger stripes, but a solid dark blue that is just so vanilla they don't stand out as memorable. That utility baseball cap isn't doing any favors for anybody, either.

3. Army

Something about the old school green uniform stirs up nostalgia. The Army dress uniform has changed over the past 242 years of existence, but for some reason, the classic look of the uniform reminds everyone how the Army has always had their sh*t together.

(Stares in Army)

There's no hodgepodge of colors, nor does it make the service member look like they could be mistaken for anything other than a soldier. Simplicity gives the Army uniform some kick to outperform the predecessors. The Army Service Uniform (ASU), in particular, brings forth some finery with its class A's and class B's, to be worn on varying occasions.

There's a lot of sh*t on Army uniforms to get together.

2. Navy

Selection, selection, selection... maybe this is why the Coast Guard and Air Force seem so bland? The Navy is steeped in traditions and these traditions are upheld and displayed through a variety of different dress combinations. As with the Army, the Navy has the old-school, nostalgic vibe of bygone eras. Who doesn't remember the sailor kissing the nurse in Times Square?

She definitely remembered.

The Cracker Jack uniform, as it's known, is probably one of the most iconic and well-known uniforms out there. Although bell-bottoms are not necessarily the first thing anyone wants to be wearing there are so many more uniforms in the Navy's arsenal that we can look past the ridiculousness of the 70's trend.

1. Marine Corps

Who doesn't love the look of a red stripe down the pants of a dress uniform? There is just something so put-together, so sharp about the Marine Corps uniforms. Not only does this uniform blow every other uniform out of the water, but it also has some impressive folklore attached. The red stripe on non-commissioned officers trousers, for instance, is said to commemorate those who lost their lives during the storming of Chapultepec Castle in 1847, during the Mexican-American War.

Guys, it's okay. We all know this doesn't only apply to women, even though you won't admit it.

While most of the stories behind the uniform have been found to be untrue, it's still the only uniform that has such well-told history and legend attached. Well, the Corps took the prize in this race, and who can really disagree with its clean sweep? You win this one, Marine Corps... You win.