10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations - We Are The Mighty
Humor

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

It’s that time of year again!


Halloween parties are being planned and folks who couldn’t hack it in the real military pick up cheap ass costumes to make believe they did. Problem is, they don’t even have the common courtesy to swing by a military surplus store and give the veteran community a laugh at their sh*tty attempt at Stolen Valor.

Related: These civilians get pretty creative with their terms for ‘stolen valor’

Certainly this isn’t a comprehensive list. God knows how many variations you can make from camo patterns and a bit of fabric. The kids are also being cut some slack on this one. It’s not like they can enlist to get actual versions of what they’re trying to be.

1. Special Ops Ninja Costume

Whenever you’re at the bar and someone says they “can’t talk about what they did in the military,” this is what they thought the military does.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

2. ‘In the Green’ American cosplay spy

Ahhh, she’s supposed to be a spy. That explains the Soviet navy cadet rank.

She could probably get whatever information she wanted with that corset/half-jacket combo.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

3. Skull Military Man

The coolness of having an Army issued Punisher mask is immediately undone by actually wearing the Army issued elbow pads.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

4. Super Sexy Cross Front

It might get a little, uh, cold, if she needed to reload her machine gun.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

5. Men’s Sexy Sailor Navy

Every sailor in the U.S. Navy constantly fights the inter-service jokes against the rest of the Armed Forces. This costume just gives us ammunition.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

6. Diva Dictator

Her regime is about to get toppled.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

7. High quality military man

“I remember my times in the Army well. Second tour to Douic 66, me and the rest of my Rolling Stones buddies saw some sh*t.”

 

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

8. Sexy Marine

Still one of the better ones to make the list. Too bad this is still the exact stereotype military guys have about women in combat.

 

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

9. Mile High Captain

Someone finally wanted to pretend to be an airman! … Oh, wait. Nevermind.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

10. Military couples costume

Just everything wrong about this. Except the stock models got the feeling of being a dual-military couple right. She’s dead inside, and he’s constantly pissed at everything.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

 

 

Articles

These 12 awesome photos were ruined by blank firing adapters

Military folks get some of the best chances at awesome profile pics. They wear camouflage without looking ridiculous, spend a lot of time with firearms, and are generally physically fit.


Unfortunately, these awesome photos are often ruined by one little detail: blank firing adapters that turn weapons into big noise-makers. Sure, they make training much safer and cheaper, but is that really worth it when BFAs ruined these 12 photos?

1. A Marine pulls guard with his super-scary, blank-firing weapon as two Georgian soldiers giggle at him.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
(Photo: U.S. Army Spc. Nathaniel Nichols)

2. A U.S. Army Ranger student, assigned to the Airborne and Ranger Training Brigade, realizes that his weapon couldn’t even kill a squirrel with this stupid BFA on it, July 8, 2016

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
(U.S. Army photo by Sgt. Austin Berner)

3. “Do I look like Rambo?” “No.”

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
(Photo: U.S. Army Spc. Garrett Johnson)

4. A soldier provides no security while on patrol because his weapon has been neutered with a BFA at Exercise Saber Guardian 16.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
(Photo: U.S. Army Staff Sgt. Anita VanderMolen)

5. Paratroopers blow open a door with real explosives and then attack their enemy with loud noises at the National Training Center in Fort Irwin, California.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
(GIF: Fort Irwin Public Affairs Jason Miller)

6. Spc. Timothy Squires, an infantryman, scans his sector of fire and prepares to make “Pew, pew!” noises during a squad-level situational training exercise held in Kosovo, July 25, 2016. “Pew, pew!” noises are exactly as lethal as weapons with BFAs.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
(Photo: U.S. Army Staff Sgt. Thomas Duval)

7. Marine Corps infantry squad leaders try to look cool while rocking BFAs. They come close but just can’t get past the stigma of the unusable weapon.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
(Photo: U.S. Marine Corps Cpl. Aaron S. Patterson)

8. A U.S. Army Ranger student searches a simulated enemy prisoner of war. If the POW learns that the Ranger student’s weapon can only fire sound waves, he’ll likely resist and escape.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
(Photo: U.S. Army Sgt. Austin Berner)

9. An Army squad leader shows his men how to get a decent Facebook profile photo with a BFA. The BFA turns an otherwise lethal weapon into a prop.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
(Photo: U.S. Army Staff Sgt. Thomas Duval)

10. A cadet lays down imaginary cover fire for his teammate during a grenade course. The teammate’s grenades could actually kill someone but this simulated cover fire is useless.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
(Photo: U.S. Army Sgt. 1st Class Brian Hamilton)

11. A U.S. airman, right, actually manages to look cooler than a soldier simply by having a functioning weapon. The airman also has a pretty sweet helmet.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
(Photo: Fort Bliss Ismael Ortega)

12. A U.S. Army soldier rocks sunglasses, a machine gun, and a belt of ammo but still looks funny thanks to mismatched camo, laser tag gear, and a blank firing adapter.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
(Photo: U.S. Army Reserve Sgt. Quentin Johnson)

Humor

5 things we wish we knew before joining the Air Force

We’ve said our goodbyes, given out our hugs and kisses. We have left the comfort of home, often for the first time, to go serve in the world’s greatest military.


In our minds, life was about just about to get real, and that is true…but some of those expectations were quickly tempered, especially joining the Air Force.

Here are 5 things we all wish we knew before joining.

Related: 6 signs that you might be a veteran

5. If you think you’ve avoided college…think again.

Many of us joined the service anxious to get out on our own and start making a living. We didn’t know what that looked like but we knew it wouldn’t involve dorm rooms and college, at least not right away.

What’s the first thing we get once we get to the operational Air Force? Dorm rooms and college courses, of course.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Week 1 of tech school.

4. You’re going to fight the war, just like in the movies.

Every job in the Air Force supports the fight. From Services and Security Forces, to Medical Administrators and Dental Techs, we all pitch in to help fight the good fight.

The problem is, supporting the fight could be anything from handing out towels at the gym to doing Hearts and Hands mission downrange. You just never know what you’re going to get.

It can be disappointing to not feel like you’re doing enough, but just remember that we’re all part of the military machine as a whole — supporting roles are important, too.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Vital mission support items.

3. You’re a grown-up now, right?

On the surface, yes. Every man and woman serving in the U.S. military is an adult, but slow your horses.

Just because you can fight for the country doesn’t mean you can indulge in all the adult activities you want (namely: drinking alcohol). Being an 18 year old service member does not privy you to alcoholic beverages.

If you’re like me, you probably didn’t even know underage drinking was a thing prior to being told that if you’re caught drinking or drunk you’ll be on the way back to mama’s house quick, fast, and in a hurry.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Not so fast, little one. You have a lot of growing up to do.

2. You get to grow a big beard and wear shades all the time

Yeah, no.

Hollywood has lied to you. The small section of members that are allowed to rock those gnarly beards earn that right through training and perseverance.

Even those elite members are subject to some form of relaxed uniform standard.

The shades are cool though. Except when in formation.

And they can’t be reflective.

Or overly stylish.

Essentially they’ve got to be plain, conservative, and non-attention drawing.

Sorry.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Probably not going to be you, buddy.

Also Read: 5 of the top excuses MPs hear during traffic stops

1. You get a sports car when you sign up, right?

No, but you could go to the local dealership and get one with ease.

Sadly, that is because many of those dealerships are waiting to give you one on a shady loan with something like 20% interest attached to it. Be smart. Get a Prius.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Not only will you save the environment, you’ll also build strength when you’re forced to defend your choice.

Humor

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of Oct. 27

It’s nearly Halloween. You know what that means…


Just a few more weeks until the Veteran’s Day free food extravaganza.

Until then, tide yourself over with the best military memes your veteran buddies could muster.

1. American and British vets went to Meme War this week. (via Fill Your Boots)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Sick burn. No, really…

2. Maybe red uniforms weren’t the best idea. (via The Salty Soldier).

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
When you plow the fields by 6 but have a battle for independence at 8.

3. We were Facebook once… and young. (via Pop Smoke)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
I don’t like to talk about my time on MySpace.

4. How long can sick call put a superhero on quarters?

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Is that curl in regs?

5. To be fair, Amazonians get better training. (via Decelerate Your Life)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Americans don’t join the IDF because they’re Jewish.

6. I’d like to see blueberries fool Snoop.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
I’m shook.

7. Marry that girl. (via Disgruntled Decks)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
#relationshipgoals.

8. The military, where everything is made up and the points don’t matter. (via Why I’m Not Re-Enlisting)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

9. But I’m not bitter. (via Pop Smoke)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
I might be a little bitter.

10. Time is a flat circle.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
I’d rather deploy to Mars than go back to Iraq.

11. Why would you buy a can of Army?

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Shoulda bought a bottle of Air Force.

12. Always ready… for your deployment.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Low blow, Coastie.

13. Come at me, fam. (via Disgruntled Decks)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Except the Coast Guard. That meme was savage.

Humor

5 types of platoon sergeants you’ll face in the infantry

Platoon sergeants have to be jacks-of-all-trades to handle their many roles. They must balance the welfare of their troops and supervise training evolutions all while keeping up with the platoon’s administrative tasks — it’s a lot of work.


When you first enter the unit as a newbie boot, it’s rare that you’ll ever get to know much about your platoon sergeant outside of their name, rank, and how many countries they’ve deployed to. However, there are others who pride themselves on getting to know a few things about each one of their troops. Every platoon sergeant has their own style of leading that works best for them.

But, if you’re in the infantry, you’ll come in contact with at least five different types of platoon sergeants in a grunt unit.

Related: 11 things your platoon medic would never say

1. The tactical, hands-on one

Some platoon sergeants take a back seat to their other NCOs when it comes training their troops. Others want to spearhead the training and break everything down themselves, “Barney style” — which isn’t a bad thing.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

2. The organized pointer

This type of platoon sergeant has practically seen it all and done it all. He shows up prepared and ready to kick ass. They know what they need and how to get the job done.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

3. The one who wants to get in the fight

This motivated leader helps plan out missions and even lends a hand when they aren’t in battalion-level meetings.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Locked and loaded. (Photo from Wikimedia Commons)

4. The one who loves themselves some training

These are one of our favorite types. They’re the ones who will strap on a heavy pack and go on a ruck march to prove they can lead, and that they’ve still “got it.”

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
After a 12-mile hike, this platoon sergeant is still smiling — no big deal. (NCO Journal photo by Clifford Kyle Jones)

Also Read: 7 different types of MPs you’ll face at the gate

5. The seasoned badass

This is the type that when he speaks, everyone in the platoon listens like the words are spoken from scripture. He’s earned the right to be heard by everyone. Other up-and-coming grunts hope they’ll be like him someday.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Staff Sgt. Tom Painter, a section leader with Amphibious Assault Vehicle Platoon debriefs his Marines after conducting a field exercise. (Photo from Wikimedia Commons)

Articles

This Green Beret will make you a mental commando

When things get squirrely, military vets have several advantages over career civilians. Vets, of course, have the benefit of combat and tactical training, but they’ve also learned to develop a formidable mental game.


Former Green Beret Mike Glover used this notion as inspiration and a jumping off point when he founded Fieldcraft Survival, his school for disaster preparedness.

With 18 years of deep operational experience, certifications out the wazoo (just check his founder’s bio), and a doomsday sense of humor that would make Mad Max proud, Glover is uniquely qualified to teach civilians to keep their heads and preserve their lives as the worst case scenario unfolds.

“At Fieldcraft, our whole basic motto is we’re teaching mindset over hard skills.”

Things, of course, got extra squirrely when Oscar Mike host Ryan Curtis dropped in for a visit.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

Glover hustled Curtis right into training, first in the classroom to reinforce the importance of developing a strong mental game and then in the field, where the two ran through the O.P.S. Course, which stands for Observe, Prepare, Survive.

And just as the word “challenge” was leaving Curtis’ mouth a distant cry of distress told our heroes it was time to oil up for action.

What happened next pretty much sums up the whole series.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
These are the faces of true bravery. (Go90 Oscar Mike screenshot)

Watch as Glover teaches this wannabe Martin Riggs the real meaning of the word “squirrely”, in the video embedded at the top.

Watch more Oscar Mike:

This is why you don’t challenge an ex-sniper to a duel

The Marine Rapper will make you shake your Citizen Rump

This is why the future of motocross is female

This is what happens when a Navy SEAL becomes an actor

This is what happens when a SEAL helps you with your lady problems

Humor

6 awesome ways troops celebrate the holidays in Afghanistan

Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve are a few of the biggest holidays we collectively celebrate here in the states.


However, when you deploy to the front lines of Afghanistan, those special holidays can feel like a normal working day — but troops still find ways to celebrate.

Related: The top 8 ways to throw an epic barracks party

So check out six awesome ways troops celebrate the holidays in Afghanistan:

6. We hold gaming competitions

We may not have the latest X-box or Playstation, but we compete at whatever games we have laying around — even if we suck at them.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Soldiers playing Risk.

5. Make an awesome cake from a combination of MRE goodies

Not bad, right? All of the ingredients come from what we collect from our MREs.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
We really know how to bake a cake on the front lines.

Just kidding! It looks more like this:

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Real MRE cake. It still looks as good, right?

We pretend that it’s gourmet, though.

4. We slaughter and eat goat meat with the Afghan Army guys

We’re not going to show you how we go about killing our holiday dinner, just know that it’s tasty. Sharing meals really does bring people together.

3. Chemical light raves

Pro-tip for all my forward-deployed friends: crack the capsule and wait until the light is at its brightest, then spin those suckers around to create a cool curtain of lights. It’s a solid way to celebrate and forget you’re far away from home.

It’s also totally tactical.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Think about getting some for your next deployment party.

2. Playing improv musical instruments

It’s amazing how good a homemade guitar actually sounds.

thyago phyllip Melo, YouTubeNote: This isn’t an Afghan homemade guitar, but it’s close enough to get the point.

Also Read: These 5 military leaders knew how to win wars and party hardy

1. We gather around a laptop for movie-night.

We may not have tons of holiday movies to choose from, but we make it work.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

Merry Christmas from your friends at We Are The Mighty. And to everyone deployed, stay safe out there and come home soon.

Humor

That time a US hacker hijacked North Korean propaganda to play ‘the Final Countdown’

A socially conscious hacker known as “The Jester” put one over on the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea recently. To add to his long list of hilarious practical jokes with a social-conscious message, the hacktivist hijacked a propaganda-laden North Korean shortwave radio station.


His request? “The Final Countdown” by the 80s one-hit-wonder Swedish rock band, Europe.

(EuropeVEVO | YouTube)

He announced the feat through his Twitter account. In the past, The Jester has taken on jihadist websites, notably ISIS. He even retaliated against the Russian Foreign Ministry for attacking American targets, defacing their website with the message:

Comrades! We interrupt regular scheduled Russian Foreign Affairs Website programming to bring you the following important message,” he wrote. “Knock it off. You may be able to push around nations around you, but this is America. Nobody is impressed.

While no one knows who he is, The Jester is a self-proclaimed patriot hacker, who thinks Anonymous is a bunch of “blowhards” whose work amounts to a “hill of beans.” Evidence in The Jester’s work makes people believe he is either a military veteran or former military contractor — he even leaves a calling card for his work: “Tango Down.”

Either way, he’s on our side.

 

The North Korean radio station hit by The Jester is used to broadcast coded messages and often used as a warning post for outside media before the regime does something provocative. It also re-broadcasts programming from the appropriately-named Pyongyang Broadcasting Station… aka “Pyongyang BS.”

Humor

How Silicon Valley workers hilariously compared their lives to the USSR

Silicon Valley has a tendency to be mocked — there’s even an entire HBO comedy centered around the absurdities of living and working there.

But one Twitter user approached this subject in a new way: comparing the tech capital of the world to the former Soviet Union. Anton Troynikov created a Twitter thread on July 5, 2018, that quickly went viral over the weekend, making tongue-in-cheek comparisons between working for a tech giant like Tesla or Amazon and working in the USSR.


Here are some of the highlights:

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

(HBO)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

A new heaven and new earth

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

(Flickr / Jason Tester Guerrilla Futures)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

President Dwight D. Eisenhower

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

The Juicero machine.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

(HBO)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

(AGON Limited)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

An actual bitcoin transaction from the Kraken cryptocurrency exchange to a hardware cryptocurrency wallet.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

An Amazon Fulfillment Center.

(Photo by Joe Andrucyk)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

Henry Kissinger with President Richard Nixon.

(Photo by Oliver F. Atkins)

‘Henry Kissinger visits sometimes for some reason’

You can check out the full thread over on Twitter.

This article originally appeared on Business Insider. Follow @BusinessInsider on Twitter.

Humor

7 life lessons we learned from Gunny Highway in ‘Heartbreak Ridge’

The 1986 movie “Heartbreak Ridge” took the Marine Corps community and audiences by storm as it showcased Gunnery Sgt. Thomas Highway’s rough and tumble personality. Clint Eastwood took on dual roles as he starred in and directed this iconic film role about a man who is on the tail-end of his military service.


Related: 7 life lessons we learned from watching ‘Full Metal Jacket’

Behind Gunny Highway’s tough exterior lies a man who knows plenty about being a career Marine, but also has a need to build relationships as he moves forward in life.

So check out these life lessons that we could all learn from our beloved Gunny.

1. Don’t let anyone punk you

In Gunny’s own words, “be advised that I’m mean, nasty, and tired. I eat concertina wire and piss napalm and I can put a round through a flea’s ass at 200 meters.”

You tell them, Gunny. (images via Giphy)

2. Know exactly who you are

Although the majority of the film’s characters were out to discourage him, that didn’t stop him from being true to himself.

(images via Giphy)

3. Be semi-approachable

Yes, Gunny is a hard ass, but giving a treat to somebody to shut them the hell up is an excellent networking technique.

Gunny always finds a way to make friends. (images via Giphy)

4. Size doesn’t matter

You can have the biggest muscles in the room, but if you don’t have that “thinker” sitting in between your two ears, you don’t have sh*t.

Gunny doesn’t back down. (images via Giphy)

5. Grunts vs. POGs

The rivalry is real.

When you have some trigger time under your belt and know you’re right, sound off to make your point loud and clear.

Get him! (images via Giphy)

Also Read: 8 life lessons from ‘Forrest Gump’ legend Lt. Dan

6. Lead from the front

Leadership is about showing your men that you will fight with them and for them.

(images via Giphy)

7. Being patriotic is a turn on

No matter how hardcore you are, after a long day of kicking ass and taking names, it’s always good to have someone to come home too.

And Gunny lives happily ever after. (images via Giphy)We told you this movie was about relationships.

Articles

5 more military myths that Hollywood taught us to believe

Hollywood likes to have fun when they showcase military life on the big screen; the more conflict and drama audiences see, the better.


Sometimes they tend to go a little overboard when telling stories and many moviegoers eat up the common misconceptions when they watch stories unfold.

Related: 5 heroic movie acts a military officer would never do

So check out these military myths that Hollywood has taught us to believe are true:

1. Michael Bay explosions

Michael Bay is widely known for his amazing camera moves and is hands down one of the best action directors out there. He has mastered the ability to move audiences through the battle space while providing them with an intense adrenaline rush…

…but he needs to work explosions because they look like fireworks.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Explosions don’t look like this unless it’s the 4th of July. (Source: Zero Media/ YouTube/Screenshot)

Here’s a real man’s explosion:

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Okay, so this one is a nuke explosion — but you get the point. (Source: Wikipedia Commons)

2. Cleaning bathrooms with toothbrushes

After speaking to a few Annapolis graduates and other military veterans, no one can recall seeing a Midshipman cleaning the bathroom using a toothbrush. It could have happened a long time ago, but not in the last few decades.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Jake Huard (James Franco), on the left, polishes the bathroom tile with a toothbrush and we don’t believe it. (Source: Buena Vista/YouTube/Screenshot)

3. Taking off on your own

War is very dangerous. Leaving your squad to go run down the enemy by yourself through a sea of maze-like structures for a little extra payback is highly improbable.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

Also Read: 5 ways your platoon would be different with Rambo in charge

4. Fireball grenades

Movies love to show off hand grenades setting off massive explosions that can crumble entire rooms if not buildings with huge fireballs. It’s simply not true.

See, no fireball here. (Image via Giphy)

5. Trigger happy

An infantryman’s combat load these days consists of only a few hundred rounds. Typically, once a movie squad makes enemy contact, they begin spraying their weapons and shoot up everything.

In real life, the moment you lock onto the enemies’ position, you’re on the radio calling in mortars or getting a fire mission up. Then its game over for the bad guys.

See! It’s just so much easier. ‘Merica! (Images via Giphy)Can you think of any others? Comment below.
Articles

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of Jul. 8

Look, all we’ve got here is funny military memes. If that’s something you want, keep scrolling down.


1. “You embarrassed the Air Force!”

(via Military Memes)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

2. Seems like this happened way too often:

(via Marine Corps Memes)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

SEE ALSO: At the beginning of the Civil War, most surgeons didn’t know how to treat gunshot wounds

3. Just bring Windex and you can have all the flights you want (via Pop Smoke).

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

4. The Navy might have gotten this one right (via Military Memes).

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Discos sound way more fun than missions.

5. Things that are easier to find than promotion or ETS papers:

(via Air Force amn/nco/snco)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, Santa Claus. Whatever.

6. The sequel has a little less action than the first movie (via Coast Guard Memes).

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
More realistic depiction of Coast Guard life, though.

7. No lie, the first time I heard zonk I was left in an empty field with my first sergeant, completely confused (via The Salty Soldier).

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

8. What’s so wrong about skating?

(via Sh-t my LPO says)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Oh yeah, no work would ever get done again.

9. The nice thing about mannequins is that they can’t screw anything up (via Sh-t my LPO says).

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
It does seem like his coffee should be further from the edge, though.

10. D-mn, Jody. Give her at least a minute after he gets on the bus (via Devil Dog Nation).

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

11. Tinder, Facebook, Twitter, everywhere (via Coast Guard Memes).

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

12. When chief finds out the commander has already mandated the release time:

(via Air Force Nation)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
But remember, you belong to chief again first thing the next morning.

13. Finally! Get to formation, everyone:

(via Team Non-Rec)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Have a good and safe weekend.

Humor

5 of the crappiest things about serialized gear

Infantrymen love getting all kinds of cool sh*t to work and train with, that’s no secret. However, some of the gear they’re issued is super freakin’ expensive, and the government likes to keep an extra-close eye on it by assigning the devices specific numbers.


Everything, from your main weapon system to your sharp bayonet, is serialized with an engraved or handwritten number, making it individually identifiable.

Although it’s cool to mount your night vision goggles to your kevlar for a night mission, having the distinct gear comes with its own set of drawbacks.

1. It’s never as clean as when you checked it in

Serialized gear isn’t kept in service members’ living spaces for a good reason: we’d play with it all the time. Instead, it’s housed in the dusty and dirty armory. That said, rarely is the serialized gear as clean as you’d like it to be with all the lubricant and filthy rags also stored there.

Plus, the armorer’s hands are usually pretty filthy when they’re conducting your check-in and check-out.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
How well do you think they clean out every single compartment?

2. You might have to pay for it

Sometimes, serialized gear gets damaged or stolen — it happens more than you think. The major problem for you is that your command has to free you from paying for that broken or damaged gear out-of-pocket.

Serialized equipment is usually more expensive than the rest of stuff and, the reality is, some service members get stuck with the bill of replacing the items.

So, that sucks.

3. All the fun stuff requires batteries

NVGs and PEQ-16s run on battery power in order to function. These well-constructed light technologies work together as some of the lasers of the PEQ-16 can only be seen by using specific NVGs.

However, once the batteries die, the fun dies with it.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Members of SEAL Team Six as they raid bin Laden’s compound. (Screenshot from Sony Pictures’ Zero Dark Thirty)


4. The gear is worth more to the government than the troop carrying it.

Unfortunately, troops occasionally get hit while engaging the enemy. Since 99.9% of us carry a weapon — which is also serialized — if some of that gear goes missing after the troop is removed from the area, the rest of the squad must recover the equipment before going to the base. Sometimes, a recovery mission is ordered to search for left gear if need be.

You wouldn’t want the bad guys to get a free pair of night vision goggles.

5. You can get NJP’d for breaking or losing something

Destruction of Government Property is a real offense according to your staff NCOs, especially if you’re talking about serialized gear. Getting a tattoo is considered the same offense, but no one ever got charged with getting an Eagle, Globe, and Anchor inked on their arm.

You can break one of the springs in your magazine, but don’t you dare drop your serialized bayonet in a canal in Afghanistan and watch the current take it away. You could get in a lot of trouble.

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