10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations - We Are The Mighty
Humor

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

It’s that time of year again!


Halloween parties are being planned and folks who couldn’t hack it in the real military pick up cheap ass costumes to make believe they did. Problem is, they don’t even have the common courtesy to swing by a military surplus store and give the veteran community a laugh at their sh*tty attempt at Stolen Valor.

Related: These civilians get pretty creative with their terms for ‘stolen valor’

Certainly this isn’t a comprehensive list. God knows how many variations you can make from camo patterns and a bit of fabric. The kids are also being cut some slack on this one. It’s not like they can enlist to get actual versions of what they’re trying to be.

1. Special Ops Ninja Costume

Whenever you’re at the bar and someone says they “can’t talk about what they did in the military,” this is what they thought the military does.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

2. ‘In the Green’ American cosplay spy

Ahhh, she’s supposed to be a spy. That explains the Soviet navy cadet rank.

She could probably get whatever information she wanted with that corset/half-jacket combo.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

3. Skull Military Man

The coolness of having an Army issued Punisher mask is immediately undone by actually wearing the Army issued elbow pads.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

4. Super Sexy Cross Front

It might get a little, uh, cold, if she needed to reload her machine gun.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

5. Men’s Sexy Sailor Navy

Every sailor in the U.S. Navy constantly fights the inter-service jokes against the rest of the Armed Forces. This costume just gives us ammunition.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

6. Diva Dictator

Her regime is about to get toppled.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

7. High quality military man

“I remember my times in the Army well. Second tour to Douic 66, me and the rest of my Rolling Stones buddies saw some sh*t.”

 

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

8. Sexy Marine

Still one of the better ones to make the list. Too bad this is still the exact stereotype military guys have about women in combat.

 

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

9. Mile High Captain

Someone finally wanted to pretend to be an airman! … Oh, wait. Nevermind.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

10. Military couples costume

Just everything wrong about this. Except the stock models got the feeling of being a dual-military couple right. She’s dead inside, and he’s constantly pissed at everything.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

 

 

Articles

5 more military myths that Hollywood taught us to believe

Hollywood likes to have fun when they showcase military life on the big screen; the more conflict and drama audiences see, the better.


Sometimes they tend to go a little overboard when telling stories and many moviegoers eat up the common misconceptions when they watch stories unfold.

Related: 5 heroic movie acts a military officer would never do

So check out these military myths that Hollywood has taught us to believe are true:

1. Michael Bay explosions

Michael Bay is widely known for his amazing camera moves and is hands down one of the best action directors out there. He has mastered the ability to move audiences through the battle space while providing them with an intense adrenaline rush…

…but he needs to work explosions because they look like fireworks.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Explosions don’t look like this unless it’s the 4th of July. (Source: Zero Media/ YouTube/Screenshot)

Here’s a real man’s explosion:

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Okay, so this one is a nuke explosion — but you get the point. (Source: Wikipedia Commons)

2. Cleaning bathrooms with toothbrushes

After speaking to a few Annapolis graduates and other military veterans, no one can recall seeing a Midshipman cleaning the bathroom using a toothbrush. It could have happened a long time ago, but not in the last few decades.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Jake Huard (James Franco), on the left, polishes the bathroom tile with a toothbrush and we don’t believe it. (Source: Buena Vista/YouTube/Screenshot)

3. Taking off on your own

War is very dangerous. Leaving your squad to go run down the enemy by yourself through a sea of maze-like structures for a little extra payback is highly improbable.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

Also Read: 5 ways your platoon would be different with Rambo in charge

4. Fireball grenades

Movies love to show off hand grenades setting off massive explosions that can crumble entire rooms if not buildings with huge fireballs. It’s simply not true.

See, no fireball here. (Image via Giphy)

5. Trigger happy

An infantryman’s combat load these days consists of only a few hundred rounds. Typically, once a movie squad makes enemy contact, they begin spraying their weapons and shoot up everything.

In real life, the moment you lock onto the enemies’ position, you’re on the radio calling in mortars or getting a fire mission up. Then its game over for the bad guys.

See! It’s just so much easier. ‘Merica! (Images via Giphy)Can you think of any others? Comment below.
Humor

6 disappointing things new recruits discover after basic training

Civilians have grandiose ideas about what happens in the military. Those fantasies drive eager, bright-eyed youngsters into recruiters’ offices who land in basic training thinking they’re going to be the most badass Green Beret sniper who’s ever lived.


Sadly, the actual number of badass Green Beret snipers out there is a tiny fraction of the people who think they can cut it. Keep that chin up, recruit. Ending up just another cog in the machine isn’t a bad thing.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

An entire unit sweeping the sidewalk? It’s more common than you think.

(Photo by Glenn Sircy)

A solid 95% of military service is about cleaning and bureaucracy

So, you’ve learned that “Green Beret sniper” isn’t something you can enlist into right away and you’ve picked a far more boring job. Well, if it makes you feel any better, you likely won’t be doing that job, either.

You’ll actually end up somewhere between janitor and secretary. This isn’t even a grunt vs POG thing — if anything, grunts will be doing far more cleaning than anyone else. Everyone scrubs floors until they make rank enough to do paperwork on the guy who didn’t want to scrub floors.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

Or you’ll be using gear your NCO just picked up at Walmart

(Photo by Mass Communication Specialist 1st Class Kyle Steckler)

You rarely do the things you learn in schools

Not only will you be spending god-knows-how-many weeks learning your less-fun profession, you can basically forget almost all of it because it’s either out of date, doesn’t apply to your unit, or your unit does things completely differently.

Take radios, for instance: New radios are fielded left and right. The last people to get the new stuff, however, are the schools. This means you’ll spend months trying to master a Vietnam-era radio system only to later be grilled at your unit for not knowing satellite communication.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

There will also be so much commotion going on that you’ll forget how to PLF and probably eat sh*t upon landing.

(Photo by Spc. Henry Villarama)

You’ll find out that the things you learn at the “fun” schools still suck

Nearly every school that troops try to get into is fully booked. Most of the time, you’ll attend the ones that occasionally help make you more valuable to your unit. But every now and then, you’ll be thrown a bone and wiggle your way into something awesome, like Airborne or Air Assault school.

Just how “awesome” are these schools, really? First, you’ll be required to learn all the technical specs of every aircraft you may, possibly, one day (maybe) jump out of. Then, when it’s time to actually jump, well, the military has ways of making that less fun, too. Airborne jumps usually involve 14 hours of waiting for two minutes of action that you barely have control over.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

Don’t worry, shared pain will get you there.

(Photo by Sgt. William A. Tanner)

Camaraderie isn’t given to you — it’s earned

You’ll hear the phrase “one team, one fight” echoed by nearly every NCO to help motivate the formation. They’ll even assign you a battle buddy to help keep an eye on you. They’ll even toss you into the barracks where there’s basically a party every night.

But no one will automatically give a sh*t about you. You need to earn your right to make a brother for life.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

Even grenades become boring once you learn they don’t explode like in the movies.

(Photo by Lance Cpl. Christian J. Robertson)

You won’t be having much fun at the range

The most satisfying moment of any military career is range day — but don’t get your hopes up. The range safety NCO will rarely call weapons free. And when they do, don’t worry — the big green weenie knows how to suck the fun out of that, too.

Nearly every time you go to the range, it’s to qualify or to learn the fundamentals of marksmanship. There’s a lot of time, money, and effort that goes into setting up a range for a single unit.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

On the bright side, you’ll laugh at people who think the wait at the DMV is bad…

(Photo by Jesse Weinstein)

Most of your career will be spent waiting.

The one skill learned by all troops of all ranks across all eras is how wait in one place for long periods of time, doing nothing but standing still in absolute silence. You’ll wait on formation. You’ll wait on Pvt. Snuffy to arrive with the arms room key. You’ll wait on mission SP, on guard duty, and on the tarmac to fly anywhere.

If you think the waiting ends when you get out of the service, think again. Let me welcome you to the biggest waiting room of them all: the VA healthcare system.

Humor

6 of the worst times to salute officers

Saluting is a powerful, non-verbal communication that shows proper respect to a military officer. Although there’s no real written record of how or where the tradition began, precursors to the salute date far back in history when warriors would raise their right hand (traditionally the weapon hand) as a signal of friendship.


The practice of saluting has gone fairly unchanged throughout history. The subordinate hand-gestures first when in the presence of a superior who, in turn, responds accordingly — lower-ranking personnel salute higher-ranking service members first.

Recruits learn how to hand salute in boot camp and demonstrate it hundreds of times before heading out to active duty. The gesture becomes instant as muscle memory takes over.

Although the gesture is meant to pay respect, there are times when an officer doesn’t want to see that salute — and here are just a few.

Related: 5 things enlisted troops love but officers hate

1. Before Monday-morning, boots-and-utes PT when they’re still hungover from the weekend.

Officers like to drink, too.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
“Major? This is the general. Send over that boot lieutenant, will you? I’m too hungover for this ‘boots and utes’ run.”

2. When they’re trying to have a legit conversation and it keeps getting interrupted by incoming and outgoing hand salutes.

Officers have a unit to run and that requires them to chat it up. Their concentration doesn’t need to be broken every time a boot walks through the area.

3. When there are a few dozen enlisted troops headed their way and they must return the salute over, and over, and over again.

The struggle is real, folks.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

4. When an officer is in a rush to go home.

Just like any enlisted troop out there, officers want their liberty time, too.

Also Read: 6 things officers love but enlisted troops can’t stand

5. In a war zone.

You might as well put a bullseye on the officer’s forehead. It’s just not a good idea — don’t do it.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Joker meets Mr. Touchdown, a Marine officer, and salutes him in Vietnam. It’s not a good idea. (Screenshot from Warner Brother’s Full Metal Jacket)

6. When they’re just sore as f*ck from arm day at the gym.

Officers have to keep up physically with all those motivated enlistees. Hitting the gym on the regular helps them compete.

Humor

7 ways to tell if the new guy is obviously a CID agent

Within the Army’s military police is the Criminal Investigation Command. They’re like NCIS for the Army (the real one — not the TV show). They conduct investigations, collect criminal intelligence, provide forensic laboratory support, and, occasionally, they’re assigned to a unit if they suspect something is wrong.


If CID catches wind of serious misconduct, they’ll insert an agent into a unit through which they’ll observe what’s really going on. The chain of command might know what’s going on, but no one in said unit is aware.

Now, we’re not telling you this to put you on guard at all times — that’d be crazy. You should only suspect someone is secretly a CID agent if they show any or all of these signs.

Then you should absolutely be suspicious.

1. They’re optimistic about the unit.

It’s impossible to show up to morning PT both sober and ready for the day to begin. Anyone upbeat and cheery is not an organic piece of your unit.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Only warrant officers are authorized to smile — mostly because no one can find them and tell them they can’t. (Photo by Senior Airman Kaylee Dubois)

2. They claim they don’t know how to print out their ERB (or don’t want to).

Their ERB is a dead giveaway. Every soldier loves bragging about themselves. At every possible moment, we love to remind people that, “actually, I have four certificates of achievement, not three.”

Anyone who’s not willing to engage in a proverbial pissing contest is clearly a 31D and not an 11B.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
If they show off their challenge coin collection, it’s not their ERB — thus proving they’re an agent. (Photo by Spc. Tracy McKithern)

3. They don’t brag about their previous unit (or claim they didn’t have one).

Speaking of bragging, everyone also sh*t talks their current unit because the last one is always better.

Beware if you ever hear the phrase, “well, I mean, my last unit was okay. Nothing bad, but nothing special.” Obviously, their previous, nondescript unit was CID.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Everyone’s last unit was better — but their next unit will definitely be best. (Photo by Sgt. Thomas Crough)

4. They’re unwilling to do dumb sh*t with you — but want to watch.

What kind of grunt isn’t willing to throw their entire career away at a moment’s notice because their buddy said, “hey, bro. Watch this”? CID agents, that’s who!

Chances are, they’ll be sitting there with their beer, taking mental notes to use against you in court.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Don’t worry, it’s not the soldier taking “notes” on a clipboard — they’re just trying to get out of work. (Photo by Sgt. Jon Heinrich)

5. They’re always asking how your weekends were.

Immediately after a four-day weekend, normal people will make small talk by saying, “how was your weekend?” We’re not here to burst your bubble, but this isn’t because they actually care about what you did. It’s a hollow gesture. Nobody actually cares that you just stayed drunk in the barracks, playing video games.

If there’s even the slightest note of sincerity in their voice, it’s a CID Agent trying to get you to spill the beans about what you did.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
All the CID agent did over the break was prepare his sworn statements against you. (Photo by Sgt. Avery Cunningham)

6. They’re a lower enlisted who actually knows regulations (other than the loopholes).

If pressed on the spot, every response to any regulation should be, “Ah, crap. It’s, uh… AR-6… One sec…” followed by an immediate Googling of the answer. The only time a troop should be able to spout off regulations off the top of their head is if they’re an NCO.

If they know the regulation, they’re trying to pinch you on that law.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
It’s the little things, like showing up on Mondays with a fresh haircut. That’s something CID agents do. (Photo by Sgt. 1st Class Alejandro Licea)

7. They actually pay attention to safety briefs.

No one cares about what is being said at the safety brief before the weekend starts — not even the person giving the safety brief. That’s why it’s the same stuff repeated week in, week out.

The typical CID agent probably just wants to get home to watch their copy of Jack Reacher for the 7th time this week, but they’re still trying to blend in with the unit and pretend like they’re not breaking any rules themselves.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
You never know who’s secretly a CID agent and who’s just a nice person. Stay woke. (Photo by Staff Sgt. Steven Colvin)

Humor

11 of the best military movie memes ever written

Great military movies impact audiences by entertaining the crap out of them. Then, inspired, the viewer’s own creative sense of humor sparks and memes are born.


Memes are an excellent way to put images together to make hilarious jokes that only a select group of people understand.

Related: 11 Army memes that will keep you laughing for hours

So, check out 11 of the best military movie memes ever written (probably).

11. The military does have some interestingly lousy tattoo policies in place. Unfortunately, getting some “tatts” might have been a mistake, but it’s never hurt anyone in battle… Right?

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

10. Yes, grenades explosions aren’t as cool-looking as you thought they’d be. Hollywood movies have screwed your war fantasies once again!

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

9. Although Chief is headed out for the day, the common spaces look dirty just 30 minutes after they were scrubbed.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

8. Animal Mother is as stoic as he is brutally honest — and we love that.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

Also Read: The 13 funniest memes for the week of Feb. 2nd

7. In war, we continuously quote other films that relate to the situations we find ourselves in. It’s part of our dark humor.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

6. We age in the military in record time. But, make a remark like this, and you’ll see your sergeant age right in front of you.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

5. When a single frame in an Academy Award film gets it so wrong, but only we see it.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

4. Oh, burn! He has a dirty mind — and we like that.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

Don’t Forget: 11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

3. If you’ve ever deployed to the Middle East, you may have had to defend your seabag against a giant spider-looking thingy.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

2. Not every pirate can be as intelligent and charming as Jack Sparrow, but it’s funny to watch them try.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

1. The struggle of going to the VA is real, people! Even near-death, no vet wants to check in for an appointment that’s already been rescheduled twice — by them.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

Humor

5 awful hand salutes that don’t even come close

From greeting a superior officer, showing homage to the American flag, or paying respect to a fallen comrade — saluting is a powerful non-verbal communication gesture for showing proper respect.


With no real written record of how or where the tradition began, the salute dates back far in history when troops would raise their right hand (or their weapon hand) as a signal of friendship.

Back in the days, the subordinate person hand-gestured first in the presence of a superior who would then respond accordingly, which is the same practice used today — lower-ranking personnel salute higher ranking first.

Recruits learn how to hand salute in boot camp and demonstrate it hundreds of times before heading out to active duty. The gesture becomes instant as muscle memory takes over.

But many civilians nowadays salute as a form of celebration — and they get it so so wrong.

Related: 35 technical errors in ‘Rules of Engagement’

So check out our list of awful hand salutes that weren’t even close.

(Seriously — where are the military consultants?)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

The over-the-top salute. (Image via Giphy)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

He needs lessons…badly. (Image via Giphy)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

Chris Evans (some talk show)

Also Read: 5 epic military movie mistakes

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

He made this list freakin’ twice. (Image via Giphy)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

You know we couldn’t leave this one out. (Source: WB/ YouTube/ Screenshot)

Steven Seagal (Under Siege)

Can you think of any others?

Articles

13 funniest military memes for the week of May 19

Another week down, another flurry of military memes from the comedy blizzard that is the internet.


Here are 13 of the funniest we found:

1. Huh. Didn’t know “Queen of the Bees” was a new MOS (via Pop smoke).

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
A couple of stings will remind you that you’re alive pretty quickly.

2. Guess someone is rucking home (via Team Non-Rec).

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
And that’s not how you carry a helmet.

ALSO SEE: 7 things you should know before joining the infantry

3. Sure, you’ll look fabulous until that first splash of hot coolant or grease (via Sh-t my LPO says).

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Oh, and you don’t look fabulous. You look like an idiot.

4. Pretty unfortunate fortune cookie (via Sh-t my LPO says).

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Especially if the cruise gets extended.

5. It’s a rough gig. Ages you fast (via Sh-t My Recruiter Said).

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Not sure how he lost that eye, though.

6. Seriously, every briefing can be done without Powerpoint (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting).

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
And if you choose to use Powerpoint, at least punch up the briefing with some anecdotes and keep the slide number low.

7. Think the platoon sergeant will notice? (via Team Non-Rec)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Just keep your eyes forward and only the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th ranks will see it.

8. God, Romphims took over the military pretty fast (via Weapons of Meme Destruction)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Photoshoppers must have been working overtime.

9. We’re all the same. Except for these as-holes (via Weapons of Meme Destruction).

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

10. It’s all fun and games until someone has to clean up (via Valhalla Wear).

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Did anyone else notice the uniform change in this meme? You’re Marines while you’re shooting, but you’re Army when you’re cleaning up.

11. Oh yeah? You completed selection and training but decided against the green beret? (via Decelerate Your Life)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
You can’t refuse Special Forces until they offer you the tab, and no one turns it down right after earning it.

12. “Headhunter 6? Never heard of her.” (via The Salty Soldier)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

13. You poor, stupid bastard (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting).

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
They’re all equally bad.

popular

9 epic ways you can troll your radio guy

Messing around with your fellow Joes is always good fun. It’s a lighthearted way of letting them know that they’re one of the guys.


If you didn’t care about someone, you wouldn’t mess with them, right?

Every unit, from combat arms to support, has a communications (commo/comms) person. They range from being tasked to operate the radio systems to being a full specialization, from grunt AF to fobbit. These guys are there for us, but that doesn’t mean they’re not above some playful ribbing every now and then.

Doing any of the things on this list should always come from a place of mutual friendship. Don’t be a dick about it. Basically, don’t anything that would get you UCMJ’ed, impede the mission, or lose your military bearing.

1. Yell that you can’t hear anything on channel “Z”

Zeroize is a neat tool. It is designed to wipe out all of the information on the radio in case the worst happens. It’s also coincidentally very easy to access. Watch as their eyes grow big and run to your vehicle to set your radio back up.

 

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

2. Say “is this chip thingy supposed to come out of the SKL?”

For some reason, you get your hands on the most protected piece of equipment of a radio guy.

A quick explanation of what that key does is that it allows you to load Comsec. Ripping it out would essentially zeroize it. Don’t actually rip it out. But saying that you did will make commo guy sh*t himself.

3. During radio checks, say “Lickin’ Chicken” instead of “X this is Y, Read you Loud and Clear, over.”

Radio checks are boring. And it’s usually the last thing before rolling out on the 0900 convoy that we all arrived at 0430 to prep for.

When one person starts saying “Lickin’ Chicken,” it spreads like wildfire. Before you know it, everyone will say it during radio checks. On the commo guy’s end, it’s like hearing the same joke 100 times over and over again.

“uh… roger, over…” via GIPHY

4. Say that the antenna is still lopsided

Most commo dudes are perfectionists (emphasis on most). If the SKL was their baby, the OE-254 (cheap ass FM antennae) is the bane of their existence.

Theoretically, just attaching it will make it work. But that won’t stop radio operators from trying to get it juuuust right.

5. “Hotkey” your mic

Everything is set up. Everything is green. Things are finally working. Then someone leaves their hand mic under something that pushes the button down.

“No problem!” thinks the radio operator. Just double tap on their own mic to mute that person until they release the mic.

But if you intentionally hold down the push-to-talk button after they mute you to keep messing with them…?

6. During a convoy, ask why we don’t have any music playing

Different type of radio system. And there’s totally no way to solder an aux cable onto a cut up W-4 cable to connect your iPhone up to the net, blasting music out to everyone in the convoy.

Nope, never done it…

7. Ask us to fix your computer

Not all Signal Corps soldiers are the same. Radio operator/maintainers are the less POG-y specialization. They only pretend to be POGs to get out of Motor Pool Mondays or bullsh*t details.

Ask the other S-6 guys for that. If they do know how, it’s not their main task. It’s the computer guy’s.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

“Sure, F*ck it. Whatever. Case of beer and I’ll look at your personal computer” (Photo credit Claire Schwerin, PEO C3T)

8. “Run out” of batteries

Batteries weight around 3 lbs each. A rucksack full of them surprisingly runs out faster than you’d think. So it’s fairly often that comms troops have to run back and forth to get more batteries.

Tell your radio maintainer that you’re running low and then just stockpile them for later, making them run around the convoy with a full ruck.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

9. Tell them that a drop test does nothing

This one is how you really dig into the saltier, more experienced radio guys.

A comms guy’s bread and butter is a fully-functioning radio. In most cases, the problem is simply putting the correct time in the radio. Others is making the radio work with their “commo magic.” That magic is almost always just kicking the damn thing or picking it up a few inches off the ground and dropping it. Ask any radio operator and they’ll tell you it works.

There’s no explanation — it just works. Saying that “It’s a bunch of circuits, why would that work?” will just have them bullsh*tting you on why they went all caveman for no reason and miraculously having things work.

Is there anything that we missed? If you have any ideas on how to mess with other job specialties?

Humor

5 more epic military movie mistakes

For some, military movies are a blast to watch as many are based on real and fascinating stories of man’s ability to overcome any obstacle and fulfill his or her goals and destiny and all that crap.


With so many emotional aspects to pay attention to, filmmakers miss minor detail-orientated mistakes that veteran moviegoers spot a mile away.

Related: 5 epic military movie mistakes

So check out some mistakes we managed to spot in our favorite Hollywood war films:

1. A bad angle

“Hacksaw Ridge” showcased the heroic efforts of Desmond Doss, a combat medic who served in WWII and saved 75 men during a battle in the Pacific.

When he meets the love of his life, a hot nurse, she’ll take some of Desmond’s blood but fails to use the proper angle when inserting the needle.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Go along the skin line, lady! (Source: Lionsgate/Screenshot)

At this angle, she would have poked right through the vein at the AC space (antecubital) and into his muscle — what little Andrew Garfield has.

2. A below-the-knee tourniquet

Quentin Tarantino may be a genius at writing great character dialogue, but his medical knowledge of how to treat a gunshot wound needs a little work.

The female on the table has a tourniquet in place below her knee to help stop any arterial bleeding. A typical piece of cloth wouldn’t help a GSW too much.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
That tourniquet isn’t doing anything but getting a chance to touch Diane Kruger’s leg. We like that. (Source: Weinstein/Screenshot)

Fun Fact: Your tibia and fibula are located in below the knee and the artery runs in between the two bones to provide it protection. A tourniquet placed below the knee would have no effect in stopping a massive bleed.

3. Robbed the armory?

Veterans give military movies a lot of crap, especially the 2nd and 3rd acts of “Full Metal Jacket.” But this time we’re calling out how could Gomer Pyle managed to snag a rifle and ammo while in boot camp from the armory (where they would have been stored).

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Where the hell did you get that Pvt. Pyle? (Source: WB/Screenshot)

Let’s face it, Pyle’s character wasn’t a genius and doubtfully would be able to pull off a single rifle heist.

4. Shoot the rear tank?

In “Fury” we got an opportunity to experience the dangers of being a tanker during WWII. In the film, David Ayer chose to make the Germans shoot and destroy the last American tank in a ranger file — even though he knew that would not be an accurate military tactic.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
That would have been great if the real Germans used such ineffective tactics during the war — it would have been over way sooner. (Source: Sony/Screenshot)

In real life, they should have hit the tank in front, forcing the rest to halt and stopping the line. But if they had destroyed the front tank (War Daddy’s), the credits would roll because the movie would now be over.

Also Read: 5 more military myths that Hollywood taught us to believe

5. Clear hearing in a flying helicopter

Okay, Tropic Thunder isn’t technically a war movie, but it did win Tugg Speedman the fictional Oscar for best actor for “Tropic Blunder,” the true story behind the making of the most expensive fake true war story ever.

But in this helicopter insertion scene, there’s no way the men could hear the director’s instructions in a loud helicopter cargo bay (with the doors open) without proper headsets.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
Regardless of the mistake, this movie is funny as hell. (Source: Paramount/Youtube/ Screenshot)

If any movie producers and directors out there need help on military consulting, feel free to contact us.

Can you think of any others? Comment below.

Humor

7 times enlisted troops don’t want to salute

Saluting is a non-verbal form of communication used in day-to-day military life and during various ceremonies to convey respect.


As recruits, we learn how to properly execute a hand-salute, and it’s an act we demonstrate hundreds of times throughout our service. The hand gesture quickly becomes part of our muscle memory.

Although the gesture is meant to pay respect, there are a few times in which enlisted personnel want to hold back their rendered salutes — these are a few of those times.

Related: 7 different types of MPs you’ll face at the gate

1. When you’re on a roll, working hard, but then “Colors” begins.

Sure, we joined the military because we’re patriotic, but it sucks to shift your focus when you’ve got momentum.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

2. When it’s 3 a.m., you’re half asleep on barracks duty, and the Officer of the Day walks in.

Oh, sh*t! You weren’t sleeping, right? Just tell them you were just praying before you screw up the salute.

3. After a 12-hour shift guarding the gate and you’ve already saluted at least 500 blue stickers.

“If I have to salute another dependant with a blue sticker, I’m going to flip.”

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations
(Photo by U.S. Marine Cpl. Jo Jones)

4. When it’s freezing outside and evening “Taps” sounds off.

Sometimes, it’s just too damn cold out to be patriotic.

5. When an officer from another branch rolls around.

Yuck… Let’s just get this over with.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

Also Read: 5 common movie mistakes veterans can spot right away

6. Having to salute a lower-ranking troop to gain entry onto the ship.

To get payback later, make sure the lower enlistee salutes you back with proper freakin’ form.

7. After work, when you’re carrying more than a case of beer back to the barracks, and an officer walks by.

Whatever you do, do not make eye contact with the general.

Humor

The 13 funniest memes for the week of April 20th

Well, there’s no two ways about it, ladies and gents: this has been a hell of a week. The situation in Syria escalated and the one in Korea calmed. We came together to pay our respects to the most beloved figure in the veteran community only to have a t-rex puppet come and fracture us in two again.


Can’t we all just get along again and remember how much we miss being deployed because the tax-free income was beautiful? Probably not.

Just don’t do anything stupid today if you’re still on active duty. Five bucks says that there will be a 100-percent-accountability urinalysis on Monday.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

(Terminal Lance)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

(WATM)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

(Decelerate Your Life)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

(/r/Military)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

(Untied Status Marin Crops)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

(WATM)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

(PNN)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

(Untied Status Marin Crops)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

(Military Memes)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

(Army as F*ck)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

(The Salty Soldier)

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

(Disgruntled Vets)

Soon, this won’t be a joke.

When that moment comes, you know my ass will be first in line at the prior service recruiter’s office.

10 craptastic Halloween costumes completely out of regulations

(Pop Smoke)

Humor

6 things you’ll never hear an infantryman say

If you know anyone who has served in the infantry, then you’ve probably noticed that they have a… unique sense of humor. They have this amazing ability to make everything they say sound super sarcastic. It’s a gift that gets passed down through many generations of infantrymen. It’s what gives them the incredible ability to be seemingly unaffected by the endless stream of bullsh*t that life in the infantry provides.

Other service members (read: POGs) have a hard time understanding just how tough it is to serve in the grunts. Considering the nature of their job — killing the bad guys — life in the infantry breeds some pretty crass humor. The hard-chargers use every curse word in the book and, when “the book” is exhausted, they’ll make up new ones. Although few topics are taboo among grunts, there are a few things you’ll never hear them say.


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“Heading out to the field is my favorite way to start a Monday morning.”

This infantryman needs theirs head checked if this ever spills out of their mouth.

“I think I’ll stay in all weekend to do all my online training.”

The sad thing is that many of the senior enlisted, who were once juniors, try and influence their men to stay in and study. It’s a strange world we live in…

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“No beer’s allowed in the barracks? I’m okay with that.”

Underage drinking is illegal — but is extremely common in the barracks. Getting caught with beer, really, isn’t a big deal. Despite that, we always find ways to hide it before field day inspection on Fridays: we drink it ahead of time.

“Barracks duty on a four-day weekend? That’s what I’m talking about!”

The military requires that there always be a set of open eyeballs lurking around the barracks. Getting ‘voluntold’ to stand duty while everyone else is off having fun is a real b*tch.

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“I joined the military thinking my senior enlisted would truly respect my opinion and that’s exactly what happened.”

Nope! I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone care what an E-1 has to say.

“Man, I hope we go on a long hike in the pouring rain.”

Nobody wishes it, but it happens all the time. Even when there’s not a blemish in the sky, as soon as a grunt unit steps off for their ruck march, dark clouds rush in and piss on everything.

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