5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember - We Are The Mighty
Humor

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

Ah, the beloved and well-remembered basic combat glasses, the “S9” frames. Generations of American warfighters were warmly welcomed into the military with these fashionable spectacles.


Except not. More commonly known as “birth control glasses,” these things were basically two Coke bottles bound with mud-colored wire.

Here are 5 things troops got to experience while wearing the Devil’s eyewear:

1. The instant weird looks and laughs from other recruits

 

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
(Photo: U.S. Air Force Staff Sgt. Stacy L. Pearsall)

Most recruits look and feel awkward their first time sporting an Army haircut or lumbering around in a brand new pair of combat boots. But the next level of awkwardness was reserved for the wearers of BCGs.

This always led to jokes among fellow trainees, at least until drill sergeant showed up. That’s when everyone fell silent — so that drill sergeant could get his jokes in.

2. Permanently obscured vision thanks to the range day

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
(Photo: U.S. Marine Corps Sgt. Katelyn Hunter)

In basic training, everyone is trained to hold their weapon the same way during marksmanship training. Recruits have to place their faces to the rifle the same way every time to make them more accurate. So, everyone is ordered to hold the weapon with their nose to the charging handle.

The problem is, this places the rear sight close to the BCGs for many shooters. The rear sight sometimes scratches the glasses during training and, after a few times at the firing positions, BCG wearers leave with a scuffed section of glass at the bottom of their field of vision in their dominant eye.

3. The constant fogging during smoke sessions and marches

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
(Photo: U.S. Air Force Tech. Sgt. Michael R. Holzworth)

Marching through dusty trails, doing pushups until it “rains” inside, and conducting mountain climbers all cause basic trainees to sweat heavily. This sweat quickly condenses on the lenses of BCGs, creating a thick fog. After a while, sweat droplets fall on the lens as well. This gets rid of the fog but makes it look like everything is underwater instead.

4. Basic training photos that not even a mother could love (though some hipsters might)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
(Photo: U.S. Marine Corps Sgt. Mark Fayloga)

Basic training photos only appeal to a few people, typically the recruit’s mother and grandmother. But unless they got a sympathetic photographer who let them remove their glasses, those rocking the BCGs were doomed to photos that even a mother would only put up as a joke.

Most trainees got a kind-of-lame, posed photo from basic. The four-eyed folks got a punchline that their family would bring up during every Christmas block leave for the rest of their life.

5. Duct tape repairs actually made them look better

While most glass wearers dreaded having to make cheap repairs with duct tape, BCG people knew that dropping their frames in strategic ways led to a silver covering for those awful brown frames. Yup, those cheap repairs were an improvement over the stock model.

Unfortunately for newer and future troops, the military has gotten rid of S9s, the old basic combat glasses, and opted for a more modern look, the 5A frame. So, the community of birth control glasses wearers is now closed.

These are the new 5As that basic trainees are issued:

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
(Photo: U.S. Army Melissa K. Buckley)

 

They’re actually . . . dare we say it . . . stylish. Alas, it’s the end of an era.

Humor

The 13 funniest Veterans Day memes for 2017

Last week was a special week. The Marines had a birthday and we all stuffed our faces at the tactical thanksgiving America’s restaurant chains offer veterans every Veterans Day.


Let’s start Monday off with some fun by rounding up the best of this year’s Veterans Day memes.

You’re welcome for our service.

1. “Mom, I’ll take the trash out after I get back from Denny’s.” (via Decelerate Your Life)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Walter White has seen some shit.

Also Read: These ax murders along the DMZ almost started another Korean War

2. Veterans haven’t been this vigilant since their last day in the military. (via Pop Smoke)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

3. If he walks out on the bill, it’s not that much of a loss.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Hopefully you can’t get abducted by the Taliban at Applebee’s.

4. Keep fighting the good fight. (via The Salty Soldier)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
The mission continues.

5. “Who wants to volunteer to be on duty during the Marine Corps Ball?”

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Guess which one of these guys asked Alexis Texas to the ball on YouTube.

6. Rolling into Hooters like:

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

7. Don’t they know I’m a veteran? (via Why I’m Not Re-Enlisting)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

8. Oh Wait, Marine Corps birthday came first.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
A meal that sticks to your ribs.

Related: 5 interesting facts about the Marine Corps birthday

9.  Where did he steal that book from? (via ASMDSS)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
It’s not like there are pictures in it.

10. Don’t forget about other generations of veterans.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Bert doesn’t want to talk about it.

11. In case you don’t know what to say:

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Most civilians are never face to face with greatness.

12. “Feel free to watch your step.”

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Clean like the day America was born.

Totally unrelated but still cool: If the battle of Thermopylae was fought today with 300 Marines

13. “To TGI Friday’s I will go.”

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

Articles

17 images that show why going to the armory sucks

Checking out your weapon from the armory can be like standing in line at the DMV — it’s the worst game of hurry up and wait ever.


You were instructed to show up bright and early to check out your weapon, but the armorers never seemed to be there on time.

But once you received your rifle, life seemed to finally make sense now that you get to shoot something up. After an amazing day at the range, you now have the problem of cleaning the rifle so well the Marines working at the armory will take it back on your first pass.

If not you’ll stay and clean all evening long because the armors usually stand a 24-hour duty.

Related: 33 images that perfectly portray your first 96-hour liberty

So check out how your day typically went after you checked out your rifle from the armory.

1. When you’re told to be on time at the armory but the gate is locked.

Where are they? (Images via Giphy)

2. After 20 minutes of ringing the bell and a few Starbucks espresso shots — you finally gain entry.

Hulk wants in! (Images via Giphy)

3. When the armorer’s window finally opens for the first time after waiting what felt like an eternity.

That’s freakin’ bright. (Images via Giphy)

4. The look you give when the armorer when he asks you for the weapon’s serial number but all the caffeine you drank pulled all the blood out of your brain. Good thing you brought your weapons card with you.

Damn, I’m having a brain fart. (Images via Giphy)

5. Then when you get your beautiful and perfectly oiled rifle from the armor.

It feels like f*cking Christmas. (Images via Giphy)

6. How you felt running to the range to take your stress out on a few already destroyed armored vehicles.

Move! Out of my way! (Image via Giphy)

7. How you felt after putting hundreds of rounds accurately down range.

I’m the strongest man alive! (Images via Giphy)

8. After the adrenaline goes away, you realized it’s already 1700, you still need to clean out all the carbon that’s built up, and you have a date in a few hours.

Where did the time go? (Images via Giphy)

9. This is how fast you ran back to the armory.

Move! (Images via Giphy)

10. You scrubbed your weapon in record time.

That looks good enough. (Images via Giphy)

11. But the armorer used his dirty finger and rejected taking the rifle back into storage.

That’s not the finger we were talking about but okay. (Images via Giphy)

12. Then you yelled …

We feel you. (Images via Giphy)

13. You then began angrily scrubbing your rifle.

F*ck you carbon! (Images via Giphy)

14. Then you noticed the other platoons going home for the day and you’re still stuck here.

Farewell. (Images via Giphy)

15. After your arm gets tired, the perfect idea pops into your head.

I got it! (Images via Giphy)

16. When you walk up to the armorer’s window and you clearly put $10 inside the weapon’s ejection port.

We think she’s trying to drop a hint. (Images via Giphy)

17. It worked!

I’m free. (Image via Giphy)

Humor

The 13 funniest memes for the week of June 8th

Just when you thought things were getting nice and boring, a 1st Lt goes and steals an APC and drives it through Richmond. You know, deep down, the mechanic responsible for that vehicle is secretly proud that their M577 managed to keep up in a police pursuit.

The APC started up, managed to get off base and drive 60 miles to Richmond with the cops on his ass within 2 hours — all without breaking down. Sure, that lieutenant is going to be turning big rocks into smaller rocks for a while but, holy crap, someone give that motor sergeant a medal!


5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

(Meme via Air Force Nation)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

(Meme via Why I’m Not Re-Enlisting)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

(Meme via Valhalla Wear)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

(Meme via Awesome Sh*t My Drill Sergeant Says)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

(Meme via Army as F*ck)

“I went where you told me. I took a left on Victory Road and still didn’t see it.”

(It’s funny because every installation has at least two “Victory Road”s.)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

(Meme via Sh*t My LPO Says)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

(Meme via PT Belt Nation)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

I swear that this is the last ACP Joyrider meme… this week…

(Meme via Artillery Moments)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

(Meme via Sh*t My LPO Says)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

(Meme via OAF Nation)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

(Meme via Untied Status Marin Crops)

Humor

The 13 funniest memes for the week of Jan. 19th

What a week — just a little bit of snow hits the ground and suddenly everyone starts eating Tide Pods.


Well, whatever your reason for not being at work (or if you’re looking at these from the office latrine — we don’t judge), enjoy these fresh memes!

13. We should probably cut the Hawaiian Missile Defense dude a little bit of slack…

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
(Image via Know Your Meme)

12. They’re on a mission from DoD.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
(Image via Pop Smoke)

11. …but who will play with all the cool sh*t now?

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
(Meme via Untied Status Marin Crops)

10. I mean, he’s not wrong…

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
(Meme via Dysfunctional Veterans)

9. Still only getting 10% from the VA.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
(Meme via Army as F*ck)

8. Grunts eat MREs for 12 months and expect an Oscar or something.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
(Meme via Military Memes)

7. Who needs a chaplain when you have an NCO?

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
(Meme via Dysfunctional Veterans)

6. Don’t follow the LT. He can’t show you dah way.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
(Meme via Untied Status Marin Crops)

5. I bet his recruiter also told him he’d travel the world and get f*cked every day. Technically not a lie.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
(Meme via Military Memes)

4. The more the merrier, right?

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
(Meme via Veteran Humor)

3. There’s the “Good Idea Fairy” and then there’s the “Actual Idea Fairy.”

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
(Meme via Salty Soldier)

2. We’re also ready to send them a bunch of Vikings Super Bowl LII Champion shirts as well. (Too soon?)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
(Meme via USAWTFM)

1. I guess you could say his enlistment was, Gone with the Wind.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
(Meme via Pop Smoke)

Humor

5 reasons why it sucks to join the military from a military family

Families that are made of generations of proud military service members are one of the reasons why this country is so great.


Many troops join the service because their father, cousin, or even grandpa had served before them — which is badass. Now that the youngest generation is old enough, they want to carry on the family tradition of service.

It feels honorable — as it should — but coming from a large military family can have plenty of downsides, too.

Related: 17 images that show why going to the armory sucks

1. Branch rivalry

When you join the military, it becomes immediately clear how much competition goes on between branches. The Army and the Marines are constantly talking trash about who has won the most battles. The Navy and the Air Force will constantly debate over who has the better fighter pilots. The list goes on.

Now, imagine what Thanksgiving dinner will be like after two new, motivated service members from different branches have a few drinks — honestly, it sounds like the perfect setting for reality TV.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Navy Petty Officer 2nd Class Alexandra Becerra and her brother, Air Force Senior Airman Andrew Murillo, spend some downtime together on the boardwalk at Kandahar Airfield, Afghanistan, Sept. 7, 2013. (U.S. Air Force photo by Senior Airman Jackie Sanders)

2. The grunt-POG divide

Grunts and POGs typically don’t get along. However, when two siblings are from the different occupations, they’ll put a ceasefire on any shit talking… for a while. The subject will arise in conversation eventually.

3. Bragging rights

The military is full of braggers. Although we might not openly say what we’ve done throughout our career, our “chest candy,” or ribbon rack, tells the story. Many siblings, however, will admit to their brothers or sisters what they’ve done to earn those ribbons.

Others might keep their stores to themselves, but if you’re family, you’re going to tell those tales.

4. Higher standards

It’s no secret that the military holds its troops to a higher standard in all things. Sure, some branches have more competitive rules than the others (Marines were looking at you), but when you run into your Army-infantry cousin, we guarantee that you two will conduct a quick inspection of one another before moving on with any conversation.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Spec. Seth A. Bladen stands with his brother, 2nd Lt. Shane A. Bladen, for a quick snapshot after crossing paths aboard Camp Buehring, Kuwait, Sept. 14, 2007. (Photo by Cpl. Peter R. Miller)

Also Read: 5 reasons why you should’ve enlisted as a ‘Doc’ instead

5. No sympathy

Time and time again, we hear stories from veterans about how hard life was during war. In modern day, troops’ living conditions are like a five-star hotel when compared to our grandparents’ experiences in the Vietnam or Korean Wars.

So, when you tell grandpa about how you don’t have WiFi in certain spots of the barracks, don’t expect him to give a sh*t.

Humor

6 differences between machine gunners and riflemen

Contrary to what your higher-ups probably wanted you to believe, not every Marine is a rifleman. That’s just a bedtime story they tell POGs so they stop crying about the mean grunts on the other side of sh*t creek.


But, when it comes to rivalries, there’s none greater than the one between the different infantry jobs — namely between machine gunners and riflemen. Their jobs may seem similar to civilian or POG eyes but, realistically, they’re very different.

The Marine Corps infantry rifleman is the centerpiece for combat operations, and machine gunners, essentially, exist to directly support riflemen so they can move around the battlefield without being overwhelmed by enemies.

Here are just a few of the major differences that riflemen and machine gunners fight each other over.

Related: 6 ways to be successful in the Marine infantry

6. Machine gunners have to carry the heavy stuff

While riflemen just have to carry their puny rifles and tiny bullets, machine gunners have to lug around a 24-pound (when unloaded) machine gun on top of their big bullets.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
This one does NOT look happy. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Sgt. Isaac Ibarra)

5. Machine gunners have bigger muscles

Riflemen are generally skinny guys because, as you probably guessed, they don’t have to carry such large weaponry most of the time. Machine gunners, on the other hand, carry the big guns, and they have the big guns from lugging them around.

Make no mistake, there are some skinny machine gunners out there who do the job just as well as their bodybuilding brothers, but they usually end up becoming just as bulky over time.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
The brain of a machine gunner can be found in their arms.

4. Riflemen have bigger brains

A rifleman’s job may not be extremely physically demanding all the time but it can certainly be mentally demanding, so they can’t eat their brains for protein like some machine gunners might.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
They need those brains to read those maps. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Tommy Bellegarde)

3. Machine gunners get to sit on a hill somewhere

Since the job of a machine gunner is to directly support the rifleman, they don’t always have to be embedded within a rifle squad. They can just sit on a hill with a vantage point and shoot from afar while the rifleman runs around and clears trenches.

This gives a machine gunner the opportunity to catch their breath momentarily, whereas riflemen get to catch theirs as they wait to move from one objective to the next.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Meanwhile, the tiny riflemen are running around. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Luke Kuennen)

2. Machine gunners have the most pride in their job

Most riflemen only choose to be such because, when the time came, they decided they wanted the easiest possible life in the infantry. The job isn’t as physically demanding and you don’t have to memorize all the separate parts of the Browning M2 .50 caliber machine gun in order to graduate from the School of Infantry.

But, on the other hand, within the standard infantry, machine gunners take the most pride in their jobs. You gotta love what you do.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Why wouldn’t they? They have a tough job. (image via Armchair General)

Also read: 5 things service members hate on that are actually useful

1. Machine gunners make better riflemen

Because handling a fully automatic machine gun takes a lot of marksmanship and the job requires extensive physical and mental conditioning, machine gunners can make great riflemen. They’re used to taking a much harsher physical beating, so the job of the puny riflemen is not challenging to them in the least. In fact — they find it extremely fun.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
They don’t care about diving into the mud. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Sgt. James R. Skelton)

Articles

7 struggles these veterans know all too well about humping gear

SAPI plates, hundreds of rounds of ammo, and as much water as you can haul is just a fraction of the gear our ground troops carry on their back as they move through their objectives every day.


Related: This is why grunt gear isn’t for the average man

Not too long ago, WATM ran a story featuring a TV show host who wanted to know what it felt like to carry the typical combat load a Vietnam War GI would haul. If you didn’t get a chance to see it, click here: This is why grunt gear isn’t for the average man

Many members of our loyal audience took the opportunity to chime in after reading the article and commented about what the heavy equipment they had to lug around during their time serving “in the suck” and here’s what they had to say.

1. The veteran grunt

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

2. The motivated Corpsman

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

3. The usual checklist of gear for this grunt was…

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

 

Related: 8 things Marines love to carry other than their weapon

4. The proud and seasoned machine gunner

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

5. Packing some major heat

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

6. He’s down to do it all over again

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

7. Ready for just about anything

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

 

What gear did you carry? Comment below.

Articles

4 night terrors America’s enemies have about Jim Mattis

Retired Marine Gen. and current Secretary of Defense James Mattis was recently asked what kept him up at night and he responded, “Nothing. I keep other people awake at night,” because Mattis is a stone-cold killer. And he’s right.


Here is how four enemies of America try, and fail, to get sleep:

1. Supreme Man-Child Kim Jong-un

Kim Jong-un ends every night surrounded by the young women of his personal harem, but even that isn’t enough to distract him from his one true fear, Jim Mattis. When Mattis ruled only the Marine Corps, the dreams were frightening enough. Marines assaulted North Korea’s miles of exposed coastline while Harriers roared over Pyongyang.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
(Image: YouTube/JoBlo TV Show Trailers)

But now, Mattis has a hold of the entire military, and the sick dictator tosses and turns in his bed with the images of stealth-enhanced Blackhawks swooping over his palace and depositing the elite operators of SEAL Team 6. Their attack dogs tear out the throats of his most loyal bodyguards as the SEALs sweep, slightly crouched and sighting down the barrel for new threats, through polished hallways.

In Kim’s mind, the SEALs stealthily stack on his bedroom. He looks across the massive bed at the slight gap beneath the door and searches for any change in the light, any flicker that may indicate that Mattis’s mad dogs are here at last.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
(Photo: Department of Defense)

Nothing. No shadows, no lights, and no quiet boot falls interrupt the night. But Kim knows he will go without sleep once again.

And Kim isn’t the only enemy of America who is more afraid of the dark than ever before. Here are three others who share in his terror-ridden insomnia:

2. ISIS’s top dude Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
(Photo: U.S. Army)

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi holds his final meeting each nightfall for as long as possible, offering pine nuts and Chai to his few remaining aides and field commanders until they beg for sleep. He reluctantly agrees, allowing them to file out of his chambers. But the moment the door closes on them, he can feel the dread closing around him.

He forces himself not to look over his shoulder as he has so many times before, but that doesn’t stop the thoughts. The wall suddenly explodes inward as charges create three openings for Delta Force to pour through. Their suppressed weapons chuckle in the dust clouds from the explosions. Amid the cracks of the rifles and guns, another sound is audible. It’s Jim Mattis, and he’s laughing in full kit.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

Al-Baghdadi feels the first round pierce his lung as the second rips through his shoulder. He imagines himself slumped over, coughing, as the lights go out. He finally looks over his shoulder and prays the wall, and his crumbling “caliphate,” survives for just one more night.

3. Taliban’s current leader, Hibatullah Akhundzada

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Photo: US Air Force Staff Sgt. John Bainter

A former Taliban judge and professor, Hibatullah Akhundzada is a true believer of his perverse version of Islam. But he also believes in patterns, and his predecessor was killed in a drone strike just like many of his peers. He has to force his anxiety down every time he gets into a car or walks outside for too long. But by nightfall, he doesn’t have the energy to keep the phantoms at bay.

He can hear the soft buzz of the drone’s engines as it circles him in the sky. He knows the thermal sensors can see which room he’s in as even his breath is enough to heat the small room he hides in. He wonders what kind of weapon it will fire when it comes for him.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Predator firing Hellfire missile. (Photo: U.S. Air Force)

The Hellfire would approach with a roar as its engine propelled it through the night, but the Paveway would fall with a slight whistle.

He knows it’s wrong, but every time he thinks of the drone that will finally end the nightmare, he imagines it has a full cockpit with Mattis, grinning, at the controls. Mattis flips up his visor, takes a long pull from a beer bottle, and toasts the bomb as it lands.

4. Leader of al-Qaeda, Ayman al-Zawahiri

Ayman al-Zawahiri has watched al-Qaeda go from the most infamous terror organization on Earth to a group of zealots barely visible in the shadow of ISIS. But he knows that some of his enemies will never forget which organization attacked on 9/11. Leaders like Mattis aren’t distracted black flags.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Photo: (U.S. Marine Corps Cpl. Akeel Austin)

He knows it’s Mattis who will keep the analysts working daily to find him, to track his patterns. Is tonight the night? The night that Mattis passes hand signals down the line as the Osprey approaches the compound and transitions from forward to vertical flight.

The rotor wash beats against al-Zawahiri’s building as Mattis and the Marine Raiders fast rope onto the roof. The al-Qaeda fighters rush to their assigned defense posts, prepared to make the Marines bleed for every room. But Mattis expected this. A young Marine detonates a charge on the roof directly over al-Zawahiri.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Lance Cpl. Corey A. Ridgway fires the M27 Infantry Automatic Rifle. (Photo: U.S. Marine Corps Lance Cpl. Jorge A. Rosales)

When it explodes, the blast wave disorients everyone in the room with al-Zawahiri, and Mattis descends through the hole headfirst with an M27 in his hands. The 5.56mm rounds rip through the bodyguards and then al-Zawahiri himself.

Al-Zawahiri shakes himself and turns on his TV to spend another night watching the videos Osama Bin Laden sent him before his death.

Articles

Why a zombie apocalypse will never happen on America’s watch

Let’s face it. The world likes — and America loves — zombie movies.


The idea of having to fight across the countryside and through clustered cities, cutting down hordes of the undead with a shotgun is enticing.

That’s why zombie movies and video games do so well. The “Resident Evil” franchise released its sixth film 20 years after its first video game hit the market. That’s a two-decade run for, “Zombies, but like, monsters, too.”

But, sorry, Milla Jovovich fans. There is no way that a zombie outbreak is taking over the U.S. or any allied country while the American military is around. Here’s how the U.S. would respond to a zombie outbreak, shutting it down quickly.

First, let’s assume that an entire country was ravaged before America geared up, just for funsies. (But, really, military human intelligence collectors and signal intelligence should have given us the heads up before a single town was wiped out). And let’s assume it’s a country that emphatically said the U.S. military wasn’t welcome, and that’s why the outbreak went on as long as it did.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Seriously, we’re always looking for somewhere cool to send these. We’d be happy to come hang out. (Photo: U.S. Army)

So, Russia is gone. (It’s the country that hates the U.S. the most, according to this recently Googled list). While the rest of the world is sad that they’ll never again see such awesome paratrooper music videos as Russia makes, it’s time for someone to put a stop to the epidemic.

Enter the U.S. military. If the Russian military managed to wipe out only 10 percent of their zombie population while trying to contain the outbreaks — a pretty low estimate for any modern military facing off against shambling, diseased civilians — that would leave approximately 130 million zombies for the U.S. to kill before they can cross any of the 12,421 miles of border.

In other words, varsity numbers.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Troops would probably pay for the chance to mow down zombies, even if it had to be done in the snow. (Photo: U.S. Air Force Airman 1st Class Javier Alvarez)

But America has a varsity military. On active duty, the U.S. has over 450,000 soldiers; 182,000 Marines; 323,000 sailors who man and support 274 battle force ships; and 325,000 airmen supporting and flying 5,032 aircraft.

And, Russia has good topography for containing zombies. Because of the mountain ranges (in black, below) and the Arctic Circle (in red), there are only a few places where zombies could conceivably break out of Russia to threaten the rest of the world in large numbers.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Zombies can only get out of Russia through some limited breakout zones, and that one to the east is pretty useless because it runs straight into the Sea of Okhotsk. (Map: Public domain. Graphics: crudely drawn by Logan Nye)

So, small contingents of the Navy can patrol the Arctic and a few dozen companies of POGs can guard the mountain ranges, picking off the few zombies lucky enough to make it through the mountain passes.

But the western and southern breakout zones could be huge problems for American allies and the world as a whole.

The southern breakout zones would give the zombies access to Kazahkstan and maybe Mongolia. The western gives a large front that hits Ukraine, Estonia, Latvia, and Finland. It also hits Belarus, but they hate America nearly as much as Russia does, so screw ’em.

And Russia’s population is centered near that breakout zone, meaning that most zombies will be in good shape when they try to pour into NATO.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
There’s nothing in so good a shape that it can resist an Apache, though. (Photo: Ministry of Defence)

So what could 632,000 ground combatants supported by the largest navy and the most advanced air force in the world possibly do against 130 million zombies?

Lol. They would kill an average of 205.7 zombies each, and it would be awesome.

The Navy would park multiple carriers in the Baltics and Barents seas. From there, they could fly strike aircraft and sensor platforms to find and target large clusters of zombies.

The Air Force would bring its own strike and ground attack planes as far east in Europe as they could hold the line. From there, A-10s and AC-130s would rain hot lead in support of ground pounders while B and F-series planes blanket the countryside with bombs.

Finally. Guilt-free carpet bombing is back.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
We’re going to need more zombies. (Photo: U.S. Air Force)

And sure, none of these are the headshots needed to permanently put down a zombie. But a few hundred pounds of explosives will mess up a zombie’s legs pretty badly, as will 30 mike-mike through the chest. Pretty sure that will make the infantry and other ground maneuver forces’ jobs a little easier.

Speaking of which, the Marine Corps and Army are going to love the most entertaining range they’ve ever held. Think about it. What sucks most about range days? First, being put on target detail. And, second, having to shut down the range every time a turtle wanders by.

Guess what? No one is going to order a range halt because of a turtle when a bio menace is marching towards Paris. And there’s no need for a target detail when the targets can be lured with the sound of gunfire.

So, the Marines and soldiers basically get to call shots to each other as they gun down crippled zombies over a couple of thousand miles of the Russian border. If the engineers can wait to shoot zombies long enough to dig a couple of trenches and raise concertina obstacles, it’ll delay the already wounded zombies even further.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
The best is going to be when people start stealing AAVs, tanks, and Strykers and driving them over zombies. (Photo: U.S. Marine Corps Cpl. Xzavior T. McNeal)

And don’t think the artillery and mortarmen are going to let a chance to practice against undead targets pass them by.

The biggest challenge is going to be making sure that all those cavalry, infantry, etc. have enough ammo. But remember, American logistics troops train to maintain operations in a contested environment. This time, they would have completely safe roads, railways, and rivers to use without fear of significant enemy resistance.

Hell, the operation could probably be catered.

So soldiers and Marines could simply mow down the oncoming hordes, talking the machine guns and interchanging barrels to prevent a meltdown. No Milla Jovovich needed (though she would probably be welcome on a USO tour or something).

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Yeah. Probably welcome. (Photo: YouTube/Sony Pictures Entertainment)

Of course, the Navy SEALs can be used to clean out river deltas where zombies were washed downstream attempting a crossing, and the Green Berets can jump into zombie-held territory to try and train up survivors for resistance operations if they like.

But zombie operations are basically just the world’s easiest siege. None of the enemies can tunnel, or use weapons, or conduct coordinated military operations. Easy, peasy.

Humor

The 13 funniest memes for the week of Nov. 17

Justice League comes out this weekend but you don’t care because you’ve been waiting for your Real-Life Justice League enlistment to end for the last four years.


These memes are for those sick of saving the world.

1. With all the sex scandals happening, its good that we can still count on something. (via Decelerate Your Life)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Oh baby yes.

2. Try putting a dominoes pizza hotkey on an AR-15 though.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

Somewhat related: 6 reasons why Marines hate on the Air Force 

3. Tonight: The story of literally every day in the military. (via Team Non-Rec)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Update: You’re not going home anytime soon.

4. Guess how I know it’s not Fort Bragg. (via US Army WTF Moments)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
A paratrooper would have done a parachute landing fall out the window.

5. There isn’t enough Motrin in the world to fix that foundation.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Also, it smells weird and no one wants to go there.

6. Because what we call a “deployment” is relative.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Bums.

Now: This is why Fallujah is one of the Marine Corps’ most legendary battles

7. “Follow me on my adventure through this office.”

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Now back to the quiet safe room.

8. Call me when woobies become fashionable wear.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Urban Outfitters will never sell this color.

9. Welcome to BX barber shop.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Or the MPF. Definitely the MPF.

The guy who wrote this is cool: That time an entire battle stopped to watch two soldiers in a fistfight

10. Anything with snowflake, cuck, safe place, trigger warning.  (via Decelerate Your Life)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

11. Congress is about to pass a new defense bill.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Those babies are illegal under the Geneva Convention.

12. This one’s for the good cops out there.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

13. Why the Coast Guard’s job is harder than you think.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

This post is so Fresh it moved to Bel-Air: Watch Gordon Ramsey live a day in the life of a Royal Marine

Articles

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of Jun. 24

Look, it’s almost the weekend. Let’s just all enjoy these hilarious memes together, get through the safety brief, and immediately start doing things we’ll regret:


1. Just remember to run fast when the safety brief is open:

(via Pop Smoke)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
I feel like Hawkeye should be placed further back. What’s the point of being the only guy with a ranged weapon if you’re fighting at point-blank range anyway?

2. “Rolled sleeves! Time to show my power!!”

(via The Salty Soldier)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Of course, this only works if you actually have power. Otherwise …

SEE ALSO: The Marine Corps was just bailed out by “The Boneyard”

3. “Rolled sleeves? Time to develop some power.”

(via The Salty Soldier)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Only another couple of months of curls and you’ll be ready to show off your guns … in the winter.

4. This is exactly how Rip-Its are made. Sacrificing privates:

(via Military Memes)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

5. Just remember to bop your head to the beat as you read these lyrics (via The Salty Soldier).

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
And don’t play like you don’t know what song this is parodying.

6. I would spend these. I would spend all of these – ON FREEDOM!

(via Military Memes)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
They would also be useful for beer.

7. “Mine? Mine? Mine?”

(via The Salty Soldier)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

8. “First to sleep, last to rise.”

(via The Salty Soldier)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

9. “Yes. Yes, you would.”

(via Military Memes)

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Those hearts should be explosions of blood.

10. It’s the America way (via The Salty Soldier).

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

11. Ten bucks says the generals get larger boxes than us common folks (via Air Force amn/nco/snco).

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Probably a six or seven boxes arranged in two levels with a yard.

12. Dr. Crentist is a skilled practitioner (via The Salty Soldier).

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
He gets all the beet stains off of Dwight’s teeth. That’s impressive.

13. BTW, how long have you been sitting in the barracks, reading these memes (via The Salty Soldier)?

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Are you sure you’re not supposed to be somewhere right now?

Humor

5 of the crappiest things about serialized gear

Infantrymen love getting all kinds of cool sh*t to work and train with, that’s no secret. However, some of the gear they’re issued is super freakin’ expensive, and the government likes to keep an extra-close eye on it by assigning serialized gear.


Everything, from your main weapon system to your sharp bayonet, is serialized with an engraved or handwritten number, making it individually identifiable.

Although it’s cool to mount your night vision goggles to your kevlar for a night mission, having serialized gear comes with its own set of drawbacks.

1. It’s never as clean as when you checked it in

Serialized gear isn’t kept in service members’ living spaces for a good reason: we’d play with it all the time. Instead, it’s housed in the dusty and dirty armory. That said, rarely is the serialized gear as clean as you’d like it to be with all the lubricant and filthy rags also stored there.

Plus, the armorer’s hands are usually pretty filthy when they’re conducting your check-in and check-out.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
How well do you think they clean out every single compartment? (U.S. Air Force photo by Staff Sgt. Nick Wilson/Released)

2. You might have to pay for serialized gear

Sometimes, serialized gear gets damaged or stolen — it happens more than you think. The major problem for you is that your command has to free you from paying for that broken or damaged gear out-of-pocket.

Serialized equipment is usually more expensive than the rest of stuff and, the reality is, some service members get stuck with the bill of replacing the items.

So, that sucks.

3. All the fun stuff requires batteries

NVGs and PEQ-16s run on battery power in order to function. These well-constructed light technologies work together as some of the lasers of the PEQ-16 can only be seen by using specific NVGs.

However, once the batteries die, the fun dies with it.

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember
Members of SEAL Team Six as they raid bin Laden’s compound. (Screenshot from Sony Pictures’ Zero Dark Thirty)

 

4. The serialized gear seems more valuable to the government than the troop carrying it.

Unfortunately, troops occasionally get hit while engaging the enemy. Since 99.9% of us carry a weapon — which is also serialized — if some of that gear goes missing after the troop is removed from the area, the rest of the squad must recover the equipment before going to the base. Sometimes, a recovery mission is ordered to search for left gear if need be.

You wouldn’t want the bad guys to get a free pair of night vision goggles.

5. You can get NJP’d for breaking or losing something

Destruction of Government Property is a real offense according to your staff NCOs, especially if you’re talking about serialized gear. Getting a tattoo is considered the same offense, but no one ever got charged with getting an Eagle, Globe, and Anchor inked on their arm.

You can break one of the springs in your magazine, but don’t you dare drop your serialized bayonet in a canal in Afghanistan and watch the current take it away. You could get in a lot of trouble.

 

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

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