The 6 most OFP jobs in the military - We Are The Mighty
Humor

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

For the uninitiated, OFP is a military initialism that means, “own f*cking program.” The term is commonly used by one service member in reference to another that seems to be immune from formations, uniform inspections, working parties, and the general tomf*ckery that goes along with being a part of the world’s most elite fighting forces.


This is not to say these individuals do not work hard or are not important to the fight. In fact, in most situations, the reason they are OFP is because of the vital tasks they perform — sometimes at odd hours.

Let’s explore the duties and responsibilities of the individuals the military allows to be on their own f*cking program.

Related: The origin of the ‘best’ rank in the Marines (Lance Corporal)

1. Military Working Dog Handler – all services

Military Working Dog handlers are responsible for the care and training of his or her service dog, which contributes to combat operations abroad and installation security at home by providing targeted odor detection (explosive/drug).

Service dogs, generally seen as a non-lethal option for neutralizing a threat, also serve as a psychological deterrent during law enforcement operations.

In other words, these badasses are expected to play with their dogs — it’s their job and no one can tell them not to.

2. Ammunition Technicians – all services (various titles)

Ammo techs do everything that needs to be done regarding ammunition, including receipt, storage, issue, and handling of ammunition and toxic chemicals.

They often spend hours driving around to various ranges ensuring compliance with standards regarding ammo. They often have their own office and a parking spot at the S-shops — all as an E-4.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

 

3. Enlisted Aide for Generals/Admirals – all services

Speaking of OFP, enlisted aides are responsible for… well, I’ll let the official enlisted aide guidebook do the talking:

The good news is your only boss is a general and he/she is usually very busy.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Serving more than the country. (Photo by Tony Lopez)

4. CBRN Defense Specialist – all services (various titles)

These are the sadists adorned in gas masks and HAZMAT suits, making their military brothers and sisters cry with CS gas (commonly called “tear gas” by Eagles fans).

They are tasked with monitoring, detecting, training for, and advising anything that has to do with Chemical, Biological, Radiological, or Nuclear threats.

CBRN personnel are often ridiculed for their abundant “spare time.”

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Yes, YES! It’s perfect! (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Cpl. Brendan King)

5. Religious Program Specialist/Chaplain Assistant (“Chap-Ass”) – all services except the Marines

These motivators are tasked with supporting chaplains in any area that does not require ordination or pastoral counseling.

The title explains most of the job, however, these guys have one boss and he or she is generally the most understanding, kind, and generally happy person in uniform.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Let us pray. (U.S. Navy photo by Seaman Specialist Sabrina Fine)

Also Read: 7 things you didn’t know about the Marine Jungle Warfare Training Center

6. Marine Corps Infantry Weapons Specialist – aka “GUNNER”

A “Marine Gunner” is qualified to train Marines on the proper employment of all weapons systems organic to the infantry.  That includes, but is not limited to, pistols, rifles, machine-guns, rockets, mortars, missiles, explosives, and their associated accessories.

To qualify for selection as a “Marine Gunner,” you must be a Gunnery Sergeant with 16 years active duty in the infantry and have served as an Infantry Platoon Sergeant. Upon selection, Marines are promoted to the rank of Chief Warrant Officer 2, but a “Marine Gunner” is always referred to as “Gunner,” never CWO.

There are about 102 Gunners total in the Corps.

After a tour with an infantry battalion, they move on to billets as regimental and divisional Gunners, range OICs, and various other positions where Gunners continue to teach infantry skills to Marines.

And nobody… nobody, tells a Gunner to do sh*t.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
The Legendary Gunner Wade. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Cpl. Alan Adison)

Humor

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks

If there’s one common complaint among members of the United States Armed Forces (aka the best people in the world), it’s that the pay sucks. When getting paid less than minimum wage grows old (and it does, fast), a servicemember might be inclined to find a way to supplement their income.


So, we asked what a few veterans what they did to fill in the financial gap.

Related: 5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

6. Taking someone’s barracks duty

When the duty roster hits, there’s always a few people who get screwed out of something. Taking someone’s duty is a great service — one that others just might be willing to pay for. Given how unfavorable of a job it is, the competition is low. You could make a killing by taking someone else’s duty.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
The duty has no friends, though. (Image via Rod Keller YouTube)

5. Doing another servicemember’s taxes

There are plenty of people living in the barracks who feel like doing their taxes take up valuable drinking time — all you need to do is plug in their W-2 information and charge a few bones for your services.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

4. Fixing other troops’ cars

Given how much some local auto shops charge, it’s usually much cheaper and more convenient to consult with one of the many barracks grease monkeys.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
(Image via Marines.mil)

3. Becoming a tattoo artist

Military service and tattoos go hand-in-hand, like peanut butter and jelly or grunts and rain. If you’ve got the skill, equipment, and you don’t mind the carpal tunnel, this option may be for you.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Hopefully, this isn’t the kind of tattoo you get (or give) at the barracks (Image via Warner Brother’s We’re the Millers)

2. Make some of that “good-good”

This one is a bit out there, but times can get tough and not everyone has the talent for pole dancing, so they might turn to becoming their barracks’ own Walter White or Tony Montana.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
When your normal military pay doesn’t cut it and you need to pay off that Mustang at 30% APR (Image from AMC’s Breaking Bad)

[Editor’s Note: We are absolutely not suggesting you actually open a drug lab. Come on. You’re smarter than that — we hope.]

Also Read: 5 reasons why Luke Skywalker was operator AF

1. Giving others barracks haircuts

This one is definitely the most popular and it’s not very hard to do. Just get a set of clippers, watch a YouTube tutorial, and, even with all the competition, this one is guaranteed to rake in the cash.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
(Image via Marines.mil)

What are some crazy businesses you’ve seen in the military?

Humor

8 reasons why everyone knows you were in the military

It’s more than a Grunt Style t-shirt, those awful Oakleys, or an American flag ball cap — you know, the one with the IR patch on the front? People don’t need to hear you ask if there’s a veteran’s discount or relate everything back to how your old unit did things.

People can tell you were in the military — just by looking at you.


The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

Zulu foxtrot.

8. The way you stand.

Some call it “command presence” while others call it “closed body language.” No matter what you call it, you stand there with your arms crossed, feet planted beneath your shoulders, and shoulders slightly hunched – you’re in a power stance: a military power stance. How better to show someone you’re frosty, collected, and listening to them than looking like you’re leaning on a pole without actually doing it.

You may have started the conversation with his hands on his hips, thumbs through belt loops.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

“Your party called ahead. What now, POG?”

7. You are always 15 minutes early to everything.

People will figure out that if you aren’t 15 minutes early, you consider yourself late. Especially since you’ll call them to let them know… meanwhile, they haven’t even left their house yet.

For civilians, this works out because you’ll always be at a restaurant to put the group on the waiting list for a table. They will use this to their full advantage.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

When you find out Yogurtland has froyo in Sea Salt Caramel.

6. You move fast.

It doesn’t matter if you actually have to be anywhere at a certain time, you move with a sense of urgency, a sense of purpose. You know that Pinkberry will still be there no matter when you arrive, but you still approach the cinnamon churro froyo like T-1000 chasing John Connor.

5. Your haircut.

This is a dead giveaway. Why would anyone on Earth willingly subject their head to the high and tight (or worse, the flattop) unless they were forced to keep it that way at some point? I’m pretty sure the coiffure equivalent of Stockholm Syndrome takes hold in TAPS class.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

Like standing at parade rest for pizza.

4. You stand at parade rest for bizarre reasons.

Ever catch yourself staring out into the distance, perhaps over a lake at sunset, only to have an older guy tell you to “stop standing at parade rest for the goddamned lake, boot.” It’s a sign of respect for those above you and, after spending so long as an E-3, just a comfortable position to put yourself in.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

Stand like you’re wearing a cavalry hat while meeting a foreign head of state.

3. Your ramrod-straight posture.

You stand tall. We all do. That’s not going to stop just because we stopped wearing a uniform.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

It’s like they drilled it into you or something.

2. You walk with coordinated arm swings.

Have you ever noticed yourself walking down the street with your right arm perfectly in sync with your left leg and vice versa? That’s not an accident. You had all those military marches and facing movements drilled into you. They’re going to hang around for a while.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

1. You eat so fast, people wonder if you ever taste food.

Appetizers, dinners, desserts — all gone in the blink of an eye. Wouldn’t it be great if you could slow down and enjoy the flavors of life? Well, you can’t. This is because you’re probably worried that, if you do, your stripper ex-wife will take that, too.

Humor

9 reasons why you should have joined the Army instead

If you didn’t pick the U.S. Army that day you walked through your local strip mall mulling over which branch to choose, then you missed out.


Let’s face it. The demonym most people use for troops and service members is soldier. And there’s a damn good reason for that!

#1. We do awesome sh*t constantly.

Can you believe that civilians actually pay to go camping or to the shooting range?

You can forever play the “Oh, you think that is cool? Well I did…” stories in the lunch room at work.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
This is just a Thursday for us. (U.S. Army Photo by Visual Information Specialist, Erich Backes)

#2. Because James Earl Jones.

The Marines may have Kylo Ren from the new Star Wars films, but we had his grandpa, Darth Vader.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Who else can claim they have two Emmys, a Golden Globe, an Oscar, two Tonys, and a Ranger Tab?

#3. No one ever wanted to dress up as a Marine, Sailor, or Airman as a kid.

Kids running around with toy guns? They’re playing Army.

G.I. Joe? Mostly associated with the Army.

Those little green Army men? You get my point.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
And then there’s this guy, mixing all of them together. (Image via Imgur)

#4. We actually get to play with our cool toys.

Show of hands. How many airmen and sailors actually got to fly the planes or steer the ships their branch is known for doing? Now how many soldiers got to use the weapons our branch is known for using? Thought so.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

#5. The Army has style.

We have always had the freshest looking uniforms throughout military history. Even when you’ve low crawled in the mud, Army uniforms look better than whatever the hell the Navy calls their blueberry uniforms.

Related: This is what you should know about the return of the ‘pinks and greens’

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Photo by Catherine Lowrey

#6. Our boy, Captain America, is one of the most recognizable fictional characters.

Show a picture of Captain America to nearly anyone. I bet you that they can tell you exactly what his name is and his branch of service.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
His hair and uniform are definitely out of regulations, but f*ck it. Once you have a Combat Infantryman Badge you can pretty much get away with whatever. (Film distributed by Paramount Pictures)

#7. No guts. No glory.

Yeah. Things suck some times. No denying that.

But if you don’t embrace the suck, live the suck, love the suck, and become the suck — you don’t have the privilege of calling yourself a bad ass.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
These are some of the best times and the worst times we ever had. (U.S. Army Photo by Maj. Kamil Sztalkoper)

#8. You personally get to deliver 5.56mm of freedom at a max effective range at 500 meters to piece of sh*t terrorists.

Every branch has POGs (Persons Other than Grunt.) Every branch has a version of a grunt. The Army has the highest “Hooah Sh*t” per capita. At least our POGs try to elevate themselves above their “glorified cheerleader” status.

The only down side is knowing that when you get out, you will never be as bad ass as you were when you were doing “Hooah Sh*t.”

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

#9. Almost every iconic General officer in American history was in the Army.

Crack open a history book. Nearly every great General gained their notoriety in the U.S. Army. You’re in good hands.

Not to discredit the other branches who have given our country the best military tacticians the world has ever seen (because this list is done ‘tongue in cheek’ and at the end of the day, we’re all brothers and sisters on the same team).

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

Related: 9 reasons you should have joined the Air Force instead

Humor

Why ‘Powerpoint Karaoke’ should be at your next unit meeting

Do you pay attention to the PowerPoint presentation at any given meeting? Have you ever taken away anything useful? Does it even matter what it’s about or what the presenter is saying?


90 percent of the time, the answer to all of these questions is, ‘no.’

Military personnel are, by and large, skilled at giving such presentations. So, when a trove of more than 57,000 old military PowerPoint presentations was uncovered by the Internet Archive, they decided to have a little fun with it.

The Internet Archive is a non-profit archive of websites and other digital content (they use the term “cultural artifacts in digital form”). They’ve been archiving the web for more than 20 years and now have millions of those digital artifacts along with billions of old web pages.

Storing PowerPoint presentations, however, is a relatively new thing, mined from the archives of .mil sites. The Internet Archive calls this collection the “Military-Industrial PowerPoint Complex.” And to celebrate its creation, they’re having a “PowerPoint Karaoke” Night.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
The flyer for Internet Archives’ PowerPoint Karaoke Night.

PowerPoint Karaoke is an event where attendees give a five-minute presentation using a set of PowerPoint slides they’ve never seen before. The rules are simple.

1) The presenter cannot see the slides before presenting;

2) The presenter delivers each slide in succession without skipping slides or going back; and

3) The presentation ends when all slides are presented, or after 5 minutes (whichever comes first).

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

If you want to have A PowerPoint Karaoke jam sesh in your unit, head over to Internet Archive’s Military Industrial PowerPoint Complex site and pick a few. There are tens of thousands of options to choose from. From a 2002 Navy-Marine Corps Intranet User Awareness Briefing from the Pentagon to an Army National Guard presentation called, “Writing Effective Self-Assessments,” the possibilities are endless.

The Military-Industrial PowerPoint Complex is part of the Internet Archive’s 20th Anniversary Celebration, but PowerPoint Karaoke is a new tradition — one that should be carried on.

Don’t let Fort Eustis’ “Picnic with Capt. B” information briefing get relegated to the dustbin of history.

Humor

13 funniest military memes for the week of Sept. 15th

There may come a day when I stop making military Rick and Morty memes. But today is not that day!


To all the troops out there providing aid to the regions affected by Hurricane Irma, these memes are for you.

#13: Leave an infantry platoon alone for too long and it would probably start taking orders from a severed blow-up doll head.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
(Meme via Weapons of Meme Destruction)

#12: Recruiters never lie about “traveling the world and getting f*cked every day.”

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
(Meme via Terminal Lance)

#11: Toxic leadership is just like another thing that floats in sewers…

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
(Meme via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting)

#10: Drop weapon. Carry on.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
(Meme via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting)

#9: Picking up women outside of a military base is like being a wolf in the arctic, fighting for any (barracks) bunny he can find. Leaving the military, you take that exact same wolf and throw him in a petting zoo.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
(Meme via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting)

#8: I swear, people from Florida are the LCpls of the civilian world.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
(Meme by WATM)

#7: I don’t know which is more terrifying. Seeing a killer clown in the movie theater during a movie about killer clowns or seeing that clown you call “sir” in civilian clothes.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
(Meme by WATM)

#6: Good going, Captain Ahab. You finally caught that whale!

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
(Meme via Sh*t my LPO Says)

#5: Still a better salute than most military movies (and a good quarter of the military)

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
(Meme via Sh*t my LPO says)

#4: Come for the shirtless beach volleyball, stay for the 4 year contract.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
(Meme via Pop Smoke)

#3: This dude is also probably the same Sergeant who hides in the smoke pit with the E-4s, lives in the barracks, and tries to set up a DD game while deployed.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
(Meme via Military Memes)

#2: Drinking water, changing your socks, and staying motivated

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
(Meme via Decelerate Your Life)

#1: “Okay. Let me break this down again Barney style…”

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
(Meme via Army As F*ck)

Articles

Officers and enlistees confess the best and worst about each other


Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher

Historically, the military has relied on clearly defined boundaries of acceptable interaction between the officer and enlisted ranks to maintain good order and discipline.

It is a long-standing custom that dates back hundreds of years and has proven itself effective time after time. But not everyone feels it’s a custom worth holding on to.

“I think there should not be a difference between officer and enlisted ranks,” said former Air Force officer Shannon Corbeil. “I believe we should all reach rank based on experience and accomplishment.”

On the other hand, Chase Millsap — another former officer — believes the military should maintain its course because officers bring leadership experience accomplished through higher learning and training.

Also read: 7 tips for getting away with fraternization

However, Blake Stilwell and Tim Kirkpatrick — two former enlistees — argue that the stupid partying and immatureness is what officers experienced during college.

In this episode of the Mandatory Fun podcast, two former officers and enlistees confess the best and worst about dealing with each other while in active service.

Hosted By:

Blake Stilwell: Air Force veteran and managing editor

Tim Kirkpatrick: Navy veteran and Editorial Coordinator

Orvelin Valle (AKA O.V.): Navy veteran and Podcast Producer

Guests:

Chase Millsap: Army and Marine Corps infantry veteran turned Director of Impact Strategy at We Are The Mighty

Shannon Corbeil: Former Air Force intelligence officer and We Are The Mighty editor

Music licensing by Jingle Punks:

  • Goal Line
  • Heavy Drivers
Articles

That time China tried to pass off ‘Top Gun’ scenes as its own Air Force

Way back in January 2011, the Chinese Air Force’s 5th-generation fighter, the J-20, was making its first flight.


At that same time Chinese J-10s were flying an air combat exercise. This exercise featured their planes taking down 1950s-era American-built F-5 fighters with air-to-air missiles and they aired it on Chinese state television.

Except China’s featured fighter pilot was actually Maverick from the 1986 classic “Top Gun.”

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

According to Foreign Policy, the China-watcher blog “Ministry of Tofu” originally wrote about CCTV’s newscast right after it aired in China:

In the newscast, the way a target was hit by the air-to-air missile fired by a J-10 fighter aircraft and exploded looks almost identical to a cinema scene from the Hollywood film Top Gun.

It was pointed out that the jet the J-10 “hit” was actually an F-5, shot down by Tom Cruise’s F-14. He then placed the images side by side and commented further on their exact similarities.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

Ministry of Tofu’s original post has since been deleted, but not before screenshots of the broadcast we quickly shared throughout the internet, alongside its suspected Hollywood counterpart.

Humor

6 reasons why golfing should actually be the lower-enlisted sport

Golfing is nearly revered among officers. Almost every military installation has a golf course and, if you look, you’ll definitely find officers who set their meetings at the driving range. But the reason why all officers love golfing is exactly the same reason why lower enlisted should be fans, too: It’s the most sham sport you can think of.


Pretty much everything about golf is perfectly geared toward pretending like you’re working hard while actually just having fun — which is, essentially, the mantra of the E-4 Mafia and LCpl Underground.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

What other way can you drink while everyone else is working?

(Photo by 1st Lt. Kenya Saenz)

You can drink while you play

This is almost reason enough for lower enlisted to love golf. Why spend your day cleaning out the connexes for the seventh time this month when you could be drinking a beer with the colonel?

Most sports discourage you from getting plastered in the middle of the game. Golfing, conversely, encourages you to be slightly inebriated.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

Even when they set up driving ranges on deployments, no one really cares how good you are.

(Photo by Sgt. 1st Class Charles Highland)

Your skill — and effort — doesn’t really matter

You can be tipsy and play golf because no one really cares if you’re good or not. Okay, fellow golfers might start to give a damn if you’re just so bad that people are lining up at the tee.

The good news is that if you’re really that bad (or that drunk), you can just go to the driving range and swing. Other golfers won’t judge you — because they’re probably drunk, too.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

Don’t even worry about getting the ball, that’s someone else’s responsibility. The E-4 mentality at work.

(Photo by Sgt. 1st Class Charles Highland)

You’re just hitting things without consequence

If you’re very serious about golfing, you’re going to try your hardest. But everyone else on a military golf course is just trying to get out of work.

This point rings especially true on the driving range, where you don’t need to even worry about aiming. Most people use the driving range to improve their stance and swing, but if you just want to let off steam, just tee up, give it a nice, angry whack, grab another, and go again.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

It’s kind of a gray area, though…

(Photo by Capt. Stephen Von Jett)

You can just drive the cart all day if you want

Golf courses are huge and it’s kind of expected that golfers aren’t going to ruck their clubs around the course. Instead, they’ll just take a golf cart. If swinging your arms seems like too much effort, you can volunteer to just drive the golf cart.

Extra points here if you can get away with just driving around the course and never stopping at any holes. Just don’t be that idiot who does doughnuts on the green while drunk. Legally, you can still get a DUI while driving a golf cart.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

What other opportunity will you get to openly mock someone who outranks the f*ck out of you?

(Photo by Airman 1st Class Christian Conrad)

You spend more time joking than actually playing

Just as with everything else that the lower enlisted do, in golf, you spend thirty seconds doing the task (hitting the ball) and about five minutes joking around (waiting for the other golfers).

Your entire day is spent barely doing anything. You’re just drinking with the guys and cracking jokes at each other. Then, when you finally come back, you can tell everyone that you’ve had a long day.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

Just another day in the military, am I right?

(Photo by Sgt. Diandra J. Harrell)

You look professional as f*ck, but you’re really not

With all of this in mind, you’re not actually doing jack sh*t but having fun. Yet, for some reason, everyone thinks you’re this squared-away individual who’s been doing things officers do.

Officers (who are also wiggling their way out of command and staff meetings) know full well that you’re trying to skate — so are they. But they’ll still think highly of you.

Humor

7 times enlisted troops don’t want to salute

Saluting is a non-verbal form of communication used in day-to-day military life and during various ceremonies to convey respect.


As recruits, we learn how to properly execute a hand-salute, and it’s an act we demonstrate hundreds of times throughout our service. The hand gesture quickly becomes part of our muscle memory.

Although the gesture is meant to pay respect, there are a few times in which enlisted personnel want to hold back their rendered salutes — these are a few of those times.

Related: 7 different types of MPs you’ll face at the gate

1. When you’re on a roll, working hard, but then “Colors” begins.

Sure, we joined the military because we’re patriotic, but it sucks to shift your focus when you’ve got momentum.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

2. When it’s 3 a.m., you’re half asleep on barracks duty, and the Officer of the Day walks in.

Oh, sh*t! You weren’t sleeping, right? Just tell them you were just praying before you screw up the salute.

3. After a 12-hour shift guarding the gate and you’ve already saluted at least 500 blue stickers.

“If I have to salute another dependant with a blue sticker, I’m going to flip.”

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
(Photo by U.S. Marine Cpl. Jo Jones)

4. When it’s freezing outside and evening “Taps” sounds off.

Sometimes, it’s just too damn cold out to be patriotic.

5. When an officer from another branch rolls around.

Yuck… Let’s just get this over with.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

Also Read: 5 common movie mistakes veterans can spot right away

6. Having to salute a lower-ranking troop to gain entry onto the ship.

To get payback later, make sure the lower enlistee salutes you back with proper freakin’ form.

7. After work, when you’re carrying more than a case of beer back to the barracks, and an officer walks by.

Whatever you do, do not make eye contact with the general.

Humor

10 memes that will make you proud to be in the E-4 mafia

The E-4 mafia is one of the tightest groups in the military. The group consists of service members who fall between the pay grades of E-1 and E-4 and is known for (unofficially) running the military. Sure, the senior enlisted and officers give the orders and the NCOs pass those organized plans along, but it’s the mafia that gets sh*t done.

As a member of this unique club, you must follow an unwritten rule that states we don’t talk about being in the mafia or the sh*t we pull off. Since most troops obey this fundamental rule, not much information gets out about this special, underground world. Although we’re not allowed to speak about the mafia that much, it’s definitely okay to crack jokes about the lifestyle through motherf*cking memes.


Let the humorous commentary begin!

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

To all the current members of the E-4 Mafia: Cheers, and remember to enjoy your time in the suck.

Humor

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of March 9th

This week was a good week for memes. And by “a good week,” I mean I’ve seen more than 1,000 variations of the same SpongeBob meme.


Don’t worry, everybody, we’ll try not to use one… No promises.

13. We all know that one platoon sergeant that just loves watching their Joes complain.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
…or every platoon sergeant ever. (Meme via Army as F*ck)

12. Don’t worry, Airmen. We all totally believe that it was hard for you to get through Basic Military Training.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
For Marines, that’s normal. (Meme via Air Force Nation)

11. “Cellphone training” is actually just teaching young boots what they’ll be doing for 95% of their time as a Lance Corporal.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Totally. (Meme via Navy Memes)

10. Remember, that blue disk means free hugs are available.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Why else would it be baby blue? (Meme via Awesome Sh*t My Drill Sergeant Says)

9. Everything sounds more impressive if you use the proper nomenclature instead of explaining what it is.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Not to kill the joke, but it’s the radio antenna…  (Meme via Do You Even Comm, Bro?)

8. Why would someone who’s spent their entire adult life in the military lie about what it’s like in the real world?

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
It’s a retention conspiracy. Stay woke. (Meme via Decelerate Your Life)

7. Plot twist: Submariners have been repainting it every month.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
(Meme via Decelerate Your Life)

6. Troops walk into the retention office with Christmas lists and walk out with, “Sure! I’ll just take Korea and a $20 cup.”

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
100 years of Rick and Morty memes! (Meme via Military Memes)

5. What it feels like being an RTO and you prove the drop test works.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
WOOOOOOOO!!!!! (Meme via Private News Network)

4. There are only three types on-post: the married, the coworkers, and the daughter of someone who outranks you. All three are trouble.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Just drive thirty minutes away to somewhere chicks actually dig the uniform. (Meme via Pop Smoke)

3. If you think about it, cats are perfect troops. They attack their enemies on sight, they don’t need attention, and they’re adept at sh*tting in holes.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
10/10. Would give cat treats. (Meme via Pop Smoke)

2. I would have thought they just sent them to 7th Fleet…

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
But that’s none of my concern… *sips tea* (Comic via Scuttlebutt)

1. It’s funny because of all the meanings.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
‘Wasted’ as in drunk, right, censors? (Meme via Sh*t My LPO Says)

*Bonus* I lied!

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
The meme is too damn dank not to use… (Meme via Awesome Sh*t My Drill Sergeant Says)

Humor

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

The scariest thing about joining the military is coming face-to-face with a legendary drill sergeant or, if you’re in the Marine Corps, drill instructor.


DIs tend to viciously yell, violently jump around, and throw your sh*t all over the place to get inside your mind and train you up to be a solid, enduring troop.

On several occasions, Hollywood has attempted to highlight the traits of an excellent drill sergeant on the big screen — many of these portrayals were, admittedly, pretty bad. However, they have managed to recreate the drill sergeant’s intensity and grim sense of humor a handful of times.

Related: 7 female TV detectives who’d make badass drill instructors

1. Maj. Benson Winifred Payne (Major Payne)

Technically, this character wasn’t a drill instructor, but he did train a group of misfit teens at a military academy. Payne’s training regiment wasn’t considered dull by any means; he managed to whip his recruits into ship-shape.

2. Sergeant. 1st Class Hulka (Stripes)

If you can train two future-Ghostbusters into soldiers, there isn’t a whole lot you can’t accomplish. Although he was injured during training, he must have left a stain on his crazy recruits’ minds, because they did graduate using the good ol’ razzle-dazzle.

3. Drill Sergeant (Forrest Gump)

This straight-talking drill sergeant got right up in Forrest’s face, spoke to him like a Soldier, and trained him up to be a future Medal of Honor recipient. Although this badass barely had any screen time, he made his presence widely known.

4. Staff Sgt. Fitch (Jarhead)

This on-screen badass used his outside voice and sported a trim, Marine mustache. His menacing demeanor and his ability to effectively use a chalkboard as a recruit head-catching device was pretty impressive.

5. Gunnery Sgt. Jim Moore (The D.I.)

Directed by and starring Jack Webb, The D.I. was centered around Gunnery Sgt. Jim Moore, a hardcore drill instructor that did everything in his power to train his recruits to be the best even when they didn’t believe in themselves, insulting them and comparing them to his 100-year-old grandma all along the way.

6. Gunnery Sgt. Emil Foley (An Officer and a Gentleman)

This badass drill instructor has no problem beating the sh*t out of his OCS students like they used to do back in the day. His strategy for producing the best naval officers is to break the weak and graduate the strong — an awesome tactic.

Also Read: 6 times Gunny Hartman was guilty of hazing

7. Gunnery Sergeant. Hartman (Full Metal Jacket)

Portrayed by real-life former drill instructor R. Lee Ermey, Gunnery Sgt. Hartman was fueled by real experiences from training young recruits. That authenticity is what ranks Hartman at the top of this list of DIs to hit the big screen.

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(Warner Brothers’ Full Metal Jacket)

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