The 6 most OFP jobs in the military - We Are The Mighty
Humor

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

For the uninitiated, OFP is a military initialism that means, “own f*cking program.” The term is commonly used by one service member in reference to another that seems to be immune from formations, uniform inspections, working parties, and the general tomf*ckery that goes along with being a part of the world’s most elite fighting forces.


This is not to say these individuals do not work hard or are not important to the fight. In fact, in most situations, the reason they are OFP is because of the vital tasks they perform — sometimes at odd hours.

Let’s explore the duties and responsibilities of the individuals the military allows to be on their own f*cking program.

Related: The origin of the ‘best’ rank in the Marines (Lance Corporal)

1. Military Working Dog Handler – all services

Military Working Dog handlers are responsible for the care and training of his or her service dog, which contributes to combat operations abroad and installation security at home by providing targeted odor detection (explosive/drug).

Service dogs, generally seen as a non-lethal option for neutralizing a threat, also serve as a psychological deterrent during law enforcement operations.

In other words, these badasses are expected to play with their dogs — it’s their job and no one can tell them not to.

2. Ammunition Technicians – all services (various titles)

Ammo techs do everything that needs to be done regarding ammunition, including receipt, storage, issue, and handling of ammunition and toxic chemicals.

They often spend hours driving around to various ranges ensuring compliance with standards regarding ammo. They often have their own office and a parking spot at the S-shops — all as an E-4.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

 

3. Enlisted Aide for Generals/Admirals – all services

Speaking of OFP, enlisted aides are responsible for… well, I’ll let the official enlisted aide guidebook do the talking:

The good news is your only boss is a general and he/she is usually very busy.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Serving more than the country. (Photo by Tony Lopez)

4. CBRN Defense Specialist – all services (various titles)

These are the sadists adorned in gas masks and HAZMAT suits, making their military brothers and sisters cry with CS gas (commonly called “tear gas” by Eagles fans).

They are tasked with monitoring, detecting, training for, and advising anything that has to do with Chemical, Biological, Radiological, or Nuclear threats.

CBRN personnel are often ridiculed for their abundant “spare time.”

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Yes, YES! It’s perfect! (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Cpl. Brendan King)

5. Religious Program Specialist/Chaplain Assistant (“Chap-Ass”) – all services except the Marines

These motivators are tasked with supporting chaplains in any area that does not require ordination or pastoral counseling.

The title explains most of the job, however, these guys have one boss and he or she is generally the most understanding, kind, and generally happy person in uniform.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Let us pray. (U.S. Navy photo by Seaman Specialist Sabrina Fine)

Also Read: 7 things you didn’t know about the Marine Jungle Warfare Training Center

6. Marine Corps Infantry Weapons Specialist – aka “GUNNER”

A “Marine Gunner” is qualified to train Marines on the proper employment of all weapons systems organic to the infantry.  That includes, but is not limited to, pistols, rifles, machine-guns, rockets, mortars, missiles, explosives, and their associated accessories.

To qualify for selection as a “Marine Gunner,” you must be a Gunnery Sergeant with 16 years active duty in the infantry and have served as an Infantry Platoon Sergeant. Upon selection, Marines are promoted to the rank of Chief Warrant Officer 2, but a “Marine Gunner” is always referred to as “Gunner,” never CWO.

There are about 102 Gunners total in the Corps.

After a tour with an infantry battalion, they move on to billets as regimental and divisional Gunners, range OICs, and various other positions where Gunners continue to teach infantry skills to Marines.

And nobody… nobody, tells a Gunner to do sh*t.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
The Legendary Gunner Wade. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Cpl. Alan Adison)

Articles

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of Jan. 27

Remember, troops. Don’t beat anything, don’t drink and drive, and don’t end up on first sergeant’s carpet without an awesome story.


Get ready for the weekend! Here are a few awesome military memes to get you through to the safety brief:

1. If they actually wore these uniforms, at least it would be easier to spot them (via The Salty Soldier).

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Probably wouldn’t help their ego problem, though.

2. That’s a good excuse right up until DFAS stops paying (via Shit my LPO says).

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

ALSO SEE: That time a Marine mechanic took a joyride in a stolen A4M Skyhawk

3. Don’t care who you voted for, getting Mattis as SecDef is like learning that Capt. America is your new commander (via Pop smoke).

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

4. It’s like the world’s worst Easter egg hunt!

(via Air Force Nation)

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
May want to tighten up the line for night time FOD walks.

5. Don’t wanna lose your sea legs (via Coast Guard Memes).

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Still gotta figure out how to replicate the swaying of the boat, though.

6. Let’s get it started in here:

(via Military Memes)

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
It’s about to go down.

7. Not everyone has what it takes to be a fireman (via Air Force Memes Humor).

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Mostly, a love of fire.

8. The most important gear an airman will ever hold (via Air Force amn/nco/snco).

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

9. Man, it would’ve sucked to have been drafted onto the DD-214 (via Sh-t my LPO says).

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

10. That moment the grizzled veteran has to salute the fresh-out-of-OCS lieutenant, then try to teach them how to Army (via Pop smoke)

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Good luck, Merlin. That job is never easy.

11. They have crayon chewers in every branch (via Coast Guard Memes).

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Careful, Coastie. The Devil Dogs get fierce if you go after their chow.

12. It’s not like anyone in the squad is going to end up TOO strong (via Military Memes).

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Just do your boat presses and remember to hate Pvt. Snuffy for doing this to you.

13. Forward was more fun (via Military Memes).

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Besides, the whole crew is getting an awesome profile pic out of this.

Articles

13 funniest military memes for the week of Feb. 17

The week is over, but the memes are neverending. Check out 13 of our favorite military memes of the week below:


1. This woobie is my woobie, and we have seen unspeakable things together (via Pop smoke).

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Just take the statement of charges, dude. It’s worth it.

2. “Build a wall over the tunnel!”

(via Military World)

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Yeah, that doesn’t stop Marines.

3. The flight line plays by its own rules. Like criminal gangs do (via Air Force Memes Humor).

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

ALSO SEE: The CIA just declassified these 11 Russian jokes about the Soviet Union

4. Admit it, when you’re in contact, you would rather those Chair Force fellows were in the chairs than in the gym (via Military Memes).

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Course, they could go practice some ruck marching when they’re off duty.

5. Dream away, fellows. Dream away (via Pop smoke).

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Take a look at the age of that baby. You left her newly pregnant when you deployed and thought you would come back to her full of energy?

6. First sergeants were trying to save your life, Bubba (via Team Non-Rec).

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Also would have helped if you kept your dang feet dry, like L-T told you to.

7. Oh yeah, sir? Those were your accomplishments?

(via Shit my LPO says)

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Guess I’ll just go over here and keep typing your reports for you.

8. Just give it some liberty, man. Those claws look sharp (via Pop smoke).

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Maybe throw in some donut holes for free.

9. D-mnit, Carl. You never learned to secure your weapon? (via Military World)

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Guess who’s going swimming?

10. When you find out where Jodie goes after the housing area:

(via The Salty Soldier)

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

11. Turns me on (via NavyMemes.com).

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Haze grey and underway.

12. Ummmm … I’m fine, bro. Keep your motivation to yourself (via The Salty Soldier).

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
And if that cadence caller could shut up, too, that’d be great.

13. You can tell the safety NCO is phoning it in when:

(via Coast Guard Memes)

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Maybe keep some water bottles handy for the foreseeable future.

Articles

6 things corpsmen should know before going to the ‘Greenside’

There aren’t many jobs in the military where your sea-duty station consists of serving with another branch. But for the Navy rate of an “HM,” or Hospital Corpsman, that’s exactly where you can expect to find yourself.


After you graduate Field Medical Training Battalion, expect to get orders to the Marine Corps side of the house or what we call, the “Greenside” — sooner rather than later.

We call it the greenside because you’re going to wear a sh*t ton of green for the next three years.

Related: 4 unusual tasks Corpsman do that their recruiters left out

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Doc, meet the company first sergeant. (imgflip.com)

It can be pretty nerve-wracking for a Corpsman to cross over for the first time. But don’t worry, WATM has your back.

Check out what you should know about heading over to “Greenside.”

1. PT

You don’t have to be a marathon athlete, but don’t let your Marines ever see you fall out of a hike, a run, or get hurt — you’ll look like a p*ssy.

Be the exact opposite of this guy (giphy

2. Chugging a beer

Marines drink a lot of beer during barracks parties. So get your tolerance up and have a few I.Vs handy.

Finding new ways to drink is badass. Plus you’ll look cool. (giphy

3. Always be cool

Marines are trained to love their Doc — they’re also trained to kill. They’re going to look to you for advice from time-to-time. When your grunts do something right, congratulate them.

Great job, Lance Corporal! (giphy)

4. Know every line from “Full Metal Jacket”

Marines love that sh*t when you manage to work a line or two into a conversation. Oh, make sure you have a copy of the movie on your hard drive when you deploy; it’s the “unofficial” movie of the Marine Corps.

Any line will do, as long as it fits the conversation. (giphy)

5. Know your ranks

Marine ranks are different than Navy ones. A Marine Captain is an O-3, compared to a Navy Captain who is an O-6. Big difference.

“Do I look like I’m in the Navy to you!” (giphy)Learn to count chevrons. Senior NCOs’ collar devices can blend into their uniform, making it tough to make out their proper title. Find an alternate way to greet them properly, or you can just take the less populated walkways (aka the long way).

Also Read: 8 tips for ‘skating’ in the military

6. Learn sick call

Face it, the Navy has only given you officially 12-16 weeks worth of medical training. No one is going to ask you to perform open-heart surgery on your first day.

Marines are going to get sick and injured, and that’s your time to shine. When you’re working in the B.A.S., or “battalion aid station,” you’re going to have to explain why your patient is in sick call to the Independent Duty Corpsman or the doctor on staff. Knowing the medical terminology will earn you respect from the Navy doctor to the point they aren’t going to waste their time doing the second examination.

Getting your Marine a day off work or light duty is key. Impress your Marine and your life, and your heavy pack will seem lighter on a hike — it’s a beautiful thing.

Can you think of any more? Comment below.
Articles

This Green Beret will make you a mental commando

When things get squirrely, military vets have several advantages over career civilians. Vets, of course, have the benefit of combat and tactical training, but they’ve also learned to develop a formidable mental game.


Former Green Beret Mike Glover used this notion as inspiration and a jumping off point when he founded Fieldcraft Survival, his school for disaster preparedness.

With 18 years of deep operational experience, certifications out the wazoo (just check his founder’s bio), and a doomsday sense of humor that would make Mad Max proud, Glover is uniquely qualified to teach civilians to keep their heads and preserve their lives as the worst case scenario unfolds.

“At Fieldcraft, our whole basic motto is we’re teaching mindset over hard skills.”

Things, of course, got extra squirrely when Oscar Mike host Ryan Curtis dropped in for a visit.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

Glover hustled Curtis right into training, first in the classroom to reinforce the importance of developing a strong mental game and then in the field, where the two ran through the O.P.S. Course, which stands for Observe, Prepare, Survive.

And just as the word “challenge” was leaving Curtis’ mouth a distant cry of distress told our heroes it was time to oil up for action.

What happened next pretty much sums up the whole series.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
These are the faces of true bravery. (Go90 Oscar Mike screenshot)

Watch as Glover teaches this wannabe Martin Riggs the real meaning of the word “squirrely”, in the video embedded at the top.

Watch more Oscar Mike:

This is why you don’t challenge an ex-sniper to a duel

The Marine Rapper will make you shake your Citizen Rump

This is why the future of motocross is female

This is what happens when a Navy SEAL becomes an actor

This is what happens when a SEAL helps you with your lady problems

Humor

6 things officers love but enlisted troops can’t stand

No matter what branch you serve in, there will always be a solid line between enlisted personnel and officers — they rarely understand each other.


Enlisted troops do some crazy sh*t, which causes officers to get in a bad mood — and vice versa.

Most officers want their troops to abide by all the rules and regulations while the members of the E-4 mafia just want to get through their day and go home.

Related: 5 reasons why military personnel give civilians a hard time

So, check out six things officers love but enlisted troops can’t stand:

6. Taking orders from an officer we don’t trust

Yes, we understand we swore an oath to obey the orders of those appointed over us — but holy sh*t have we taken some lousy orders from officers.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
I don’t. I don’t trust you at all.

5. Officer-led PT

It’s no secret that when a commanding officer wants to lead morning PT, morale lowers until the session is over. In a grunt platoon, we like to sh*t talk one another as motivation to gain that extra push-up or pull-up.

But, once the “brass” is on deck, the verbiage changes and the enlisted just want to finish up the mandatory run so they can go eat chow and play Call of Duty in their barracks.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

4. When a boot officer wants to be included in every single detail

Newbie officers typically want to learn every aspect of their job — which is a good thing. But, something this means they want to be involved in every meeting and a double check everyone’s work.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

3. Army-Navy games

Active duty enlisted troops don’t truly want to cheer for a cadet or a midshipman who they could have to potentially have to answer to one day.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
You know at least one of them expects you to call the room… (U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 1st Class Chad Runge/Released)

2. Having their sh*t pre-staged for them

At times, enlisted troops become personnel assistants even though it’s not in their job description. When grunts head out to the field, some officers require their tents and other amenities be set up prior to their arrival — and guess who is called upon to set that sh*t up?

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Taking bets on who built this gym in Afghanistan.

Also Read: 6 reasons why Marines hate on the Air Force

1. Working parties

Typically, officers aren’t the ones cleaning the grounds or the office spaces. Luckily, that’s why the U.S. government pays janitorial personnel.

Just when enlisted personnel think it’s going to be an easy day — think again — because there’s always something that needs to be cleaned and a “party” of troops will need to do it. For some reason.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
We know there are officers who truly believe this.

Articles

Marine ‘vaporizes’ bacon on M4-style rifle suppressor

Warning: Don’t watch this if you’re hungry.


U.S. Marine Corps Chief Warrant Officer 5 Christian Wade, a division gunner with the 2nd Marine Division, demonstrates how an M4-style short-barrel suppressor can get hot enough to cook — or even “vaporize” — bacon during a safety demonstration near Camp Lejeune, N.C., May 26, 2017, according to a release from the service.

The video, shot by Cpl. Clarence L. Wimberly, is part of the Marine Corps’ “Gunner Fact or Fiction” series designed to dispel common myths and misconceptions about the service’s weapon systems, the release states.

Enjoy.


Humor

The 13 funniest memes for the week of Feb. 2nd

With everyone hating on some ignorant teacher for sh*t-talking the troops or an Airman for making a horrible rant video, can’t we all just band back together and hate on the real enemy? Tom Brady. So we’ll mock him. Because he can take it.


13. There’s always one in every unit.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
And technically, they’re not wrong… (Meme via Imgur)

12. We’re also experts at drinking until 0500, sneaking guests past the gate in car trunks, and putting bullets in things.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
(Meme created by WATM)

11. You wanna play chicken? I’ll play chicken.

Also Read: 6 Reasons why it would suck to be a Stormtrooper in Star Wars

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

10. “Hey, uh, Sergeant? The blinker fluid exists and is leaking.”

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
That’s 10-level. You got this. (Meme via Vet Humor)

9. Perfect for the troop trying to leave the barracks.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Who wants that app? (Meme via USAWTFM)

8. For Mattis so loved the Corps that he gave his only begotten f*ck. Mattis 3:16

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

7. Even with all of his faults, he was at least very professional.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

6. Shhh…no one tell the largest amphibious landing force about missing the largest amphibious landing. (D-Day landing at Normandy)

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Or that the Tet Offensive was more than just Hue City… (Meme via Salty Soldier)

5. Ever hear a duck quack his last quack?

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
It changes a man. (Meme via Pop Smoke)

4. Next thing you know you’ll get a tactical drone strike to the face for liking your ex’s selfie.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Hell hath no fury… (Meme via Pop Smoke)

3. You hear that, guys? Some d*ckhead with a bachelor’s degree and four counts of administrative leave thinks “Uncle Sam’s College Scholarship Program” is full of idiots.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
But yeah. We’re the idiots for not taking student loans. (Meme via Military World)

2. Not only is the green grass growing, but we’re also helping lower the Global Eco-Footprint. One terrorist at a time.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
It’s kind of like driving a Prius. Only it isn’t. (Meme via Dysfunctional Veterans)

1. Apparently they don’t keep every beep at a specific interval. Starts out every 2 seconds but it changes up later.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
… and now the VA thinks I’m deaf. (Meme via Buck Sgt)

Humor

6 reasons why serving under Captain America would suck

Captain America is everything you want. He is everything you need. Cap is everything inside of you that you wish you could be. He says all the right things at exactly the right time. But he is annoying as f*ck and you will soon know why.


Having a charismatic officer with sound judgment and the physical prowess to match is the dream of most any enlisted person, but if that leader was Captain America, the fantasy wouldn’t match reality.

Related: 7 ways ‘Starship Troopers’ is the most outstanding moto film ever

1. His enforcement of AR 670-1 — while wearing his tights.

Cap believes in rules and regulations and he expects you to do the same while enforcing the standards among your peers — except he’s not your peer and that haircut with those clown tights are not authorized under AR 670-1.

Also, what’s with his uniform’s design? Is he Captain America or Captain Puerto Rico?

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Whose side are you on anyway, Cap? (Photo by Randy Chiu)

2. The PT… Embarrassing.

Rogers can run a mile in 73 seconds, bench press 1200 pounds, and is invulnerable to fatigue… so, this would suck.

3. His aversion to cursing.

Every f*cking soldier, Marine, airman, and sailor is a big-f*cking-fan of some casual, godd*mn expletives.

So, this f*cking boy scout with his sh*tty sense of propriety would drive you up the f*cking wall.

4. Drinking with him would be expensive and dumb.

Say you get back from some nutso, Avengers-esque deployment and you want to celebrate the victory with your fearless leader.

No can do — this guy physically cannot get drunk. Buy as many shots as you want, it’ll be for nothing except your own alcohol poisoning.

5. Zero weapons training.

Cap doesn’t like guns for whatever reason. Your range time would be dramatically cut short in favor of throwing around trash can lids.

Also Read: The top 5 armies of the future in cinema

6. His moto speeches will make you reconsider your life choices.

As if you could ever possibly live up to him. There’s a reason he got the super soldier serum and you didn’t.

Humor

The 13 funniest memes for the week of May 11th

Things are starting to look up! The sun is shining, relations in Korea are mending; nothing could ruin this fantastic — dammit… Thanks a lot, Iran. Can’t you guys take a hint from Kim Jong-un and chill the F out?


I assume that, by now, we’ve all seen Avengers: Infinity War, right? We don’t have to look over our shoulders before talking about it? Cool. Well, here’s an obligatory spoiler warning for all three of you who haven’t yet seen one of the highest grossing films of all time and might get upset over the use of an out-of-context meme that’s been making the rounds.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

(The Salty Soldier)

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

This isn’t the spoiler. This one’s from the trailers. That spoilers come at the end.

(Decelerate Your Life)

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

(Pop Smoke)

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

(Air Force Nation)

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

(WATM)

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

(Army as F*ck)

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

(The Salty Soldier)

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

(Pop Smoke)

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

(Sh*t My LPO Says)

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

(Pop Smoke)

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

(WATM)

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

(Lost in the Sauce)

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

(WATM)


Humor

7 things boots will set up an allotment to buy

Allotments are a good way for troops to schedule a payment directly through Defense Finance and Accounting Service (DFAS), the service directly responsible for paying servicemembers. An allotment sets aside a portion of future paychecks and automatically sends the money elsewhere. If used properly, it can schedule payments on necessities or move funds to savings accounts. An allotment can be cancelled when the debt is paid or the savings goal is reached and troops can enjoy their full pay check again.


But young boots don’t see it that way. They may see it as an easy “IOU” and let Uncle Sam worry about the rest. They waste their money on useless crap and end up paying much more in the end — especially if they forget to cancel the allotment. Without research, they fall victim to very unsexy interest rates.

That’s not to say that vendors of everything on this list are hunting down dumb E-1’s in predatory manner. Some things on this list are beneficial and are encouraged, if taken care of properly. But you know, boots will be dumb and waste their when given the chance — are here’s the proof:

1. Tattoos

Not only do boots get the dumbest tattoos ever, but they often forget that good tattoos cost money, so instead of doing some research, they walk into the sketchy tattoo parlor outside the main gate.

Instead of paying the $500 even if the quality of the tattoo should have only cost $250 for an EGA tattoo, boots will set up a five month allotment giving the tattoo parlor $150 each month (if you’re not into math in public, that’s $750).

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Remember the tattoo forever, not the payment. (U.S. Navy photo by MCS 3rd Class Sean Elliott)

2. Gaming computers

The boot finally got out of momma’s basement and finally ready to become the bad ass they always played in video games!

Living in the barracks rent-free and using a meal card for food means boots have discretionary income for the first time ever…which they put right into an overpriced gaming computer that will be obsolete by the time they finish paying it off.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

3. TVs

Kind of similar to the gaming computers, but when someone sets up an allotment for a TV it’s usually more costly and takes up their entire barracks room.

If you need a giant ass TV so you can view every last pixel of whatever you’re watching, cool; but if you’re still straining your eyes while sitting at the other end of your barracks room, you kind of wasted your money.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
If you do have a huge TV, you better be hosting every party at your place! (U.S. Army photo by Sgt. James Avery)

4. Weapons

Everyone should be able to own a weapon. It’s their right. The problem comes when someone pays for a beautiful hunting rifle and then they learn they can’t keep it in the barracks.

Nearly every military installation has a policy on firearms being stored in lower enlisted housing. So to comply with the policy, firearms are to be held in the unit’s arms room. Think of how much of a pain in the ass it is getting your designated firearm out of the arms room on training days when the armorer is actually there — it’s even worse when you want to go to the range on their day off.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Good luck trying to get that dude there on a weekend. (Photo by Sgt. Emily Greene)

5. “Pay Day” loans

If you need money fast, there are countless other ways of going about it. Each branch has variations on an emergency relief funds to aid their troops in need of quick cash. And yes, your commander does need to sign off on it. And yes, it is still a loan you need to eventually pay back.

The problem with “Pay Day” loans is with the afore-mentioned interest rates.

Let’s say you borrow $100. If you go through the headache of getting your commander’s signature and the approval for the money, it’s interest free. You just slowly pay the $100 back. If you go through a “Pay Day” loan office off-base, they’ll charge interest, so now you’ve got to pay that loan off as soon as you can or you end up paying nearly quadruple the original amount.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

6. Star Cards

This falls into the “good if done properly” category. Military Star Cards are essentially credit cards that you can only use on military installations. They can be a great way for a young E-1 to help build credit to balance out the “credit inexperience” that shows up on everyone’s credit score early on. They can also be a great “Oh sh*t!” account if you need something that you can buy on-base. As a bonus, the rates are usually less aggressive than most credit card companies.

But if you’re a dumb boot who doesn’t understand that credit cards are not free money, well, the Star Card is a program of The Exchange and they’re far more knowledgeable in the military’s finance system than you.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Ever since they allowed the Star Card to be used at the Commissary, it’s even more valuable. But still, you shouldn’t max it out on beer unless you plan on paying it off at the end of the month. (Photo by Julie Mitchell)

7. Used cars

Two general rules of thumb when buying a used car outside a military installation: Bring a mechanic from your unit’s motor pool with you to help negotiate the price (for a case of beer and they’ll be a show-of-force to intimidate predatory car salesmen), and never ever EVER buy from a place that advertises “E-1 and above approved!” more than the actual cars.

Respectable car lots will sell you a car based on it’s Kelley Blue Book price and an interest rate befitting of your credit score, regardless of your pay grade or whether you’re in the military or not. Since your military service is an excellent “proof of income,” you shouldn’t have a hard time getting approved at a respectable car lot. So yes, setting up an allotment to them for your vehicle is a good example of how to properly set up an allotment.

But watch out for the sharks at places that give all used car salesmen their bad reputation. They prey on an E-1’s doubts about getting a beautiful Ford Mustang from anywhere else. They’ll say something like “If you set up an allotment, it’ll be fine!” They know the system and they’ll use it against you.

So congratulations! You may have driven off with that Mustang, but you’re going to be paying for it at a 31% interest rate for the next six years for 800% more than what Kelley Blue Book says it’s worth.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
Third rule: If they ever say something like “For you, my friend,” don’t listen — they’re about to f*ck you…and not in the good way. (Photo by Emilio Labrador)

Humor

7 things you shouldn’t say to a troop about to deploy

Before service members ship out to the front lines, they typically go on pre-deployment leave, during which they’ll spend time with friends and family at various locations.


Most of those locations serve alcohol and when naive civilians get a little tipsy, they tend to make remarks and ask questions they probably shouldn’t.

Here are just a few of the things civilians should never say to troop about to deploy.

Related: 7 white lies recruiters tell and what they really mean

1. “Shooting at people sounds like so much fun.”

Grunts like to joke about how awesome it is to engage the enemy. However, the act tends to create various, collateral issues.

2. “If you’re good at Call of Duty, you shouldn’t have a problem during a firefight.”

No matter how good you are at any game or how well you’re trained, nothing can truly prepare you for the vigors of a real firefight.

What the f*ck did you just say?

3. “I bet it feels weird as hell to get blown up.”

Troops continuously think about getting wounded during their service. However, it isn’t a fun thing to have swimming around your mind, and it definitely isn’t something you want to think about while on leave.

No sh*t, Sherlock.

4. “I wanted to join the military, but I went to college instead.”

Even if they’re kidding around, you should consider backhanding whoever makes a dumb comment like that.

5. “What’s the first thing you’re going to do when you run into a bad guy?”

No one can predict jacksh*t. Although running into a hostile is a possibility, your training will help you decide on a specific course of action when the situation presents itself.

6. “Dude, aren’t you nervous you’ll come back with, like, PTSD or something?”

Worst question to ask… ever!

Also Read: 7 reasons why you shouldn’t be too nice in the military

7. “How many people do you think you’re going to shoot?”

Second worst question to ask… ever!

He just lost faith in humanity.

Humor

7 times enlisted troops don’t want to salute

Saluting is a non-verbal form of communication used in day-to-day military life and during various ceremonies to convey respect.


As recruits, we learn how to properly execute a hand-salute, and it’s an act we demonstrate hundreds of times throughout our service. The hand gesture quickly becomes part of our muscle memory.

Although the gesture is meant to pay respect, there are a few times in which enlisted personnel want to hold back their rendered salutes — these are a few of those times.

Related: 7 different types of MPs you’ll face at the gate

1. When you’re on a roll, working hard, but then “Colors” begins.

Sure, we joined the military because we’re patriotic, but it sucks to shift your focus when you’ve got momentum.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

2. When it’s 3 a.m., you’re half asleep on barracks duty, and the Officer of the Day walks in.

Oh, sh*t! You weren’t sleeping, right? Just tell them you were just praying before you screw up the salute.

3. After a 12-hour shift guarding the gate and you’ve already saluted at least 500 blue stickers.

“If I have to salute another dependant with a blue sticker, I’m going to flip.”

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military
(Photo by U.S. Marine Cpl. Jo Jones)

4. When it’s freezing outside and evening “Taps” sounds off.

Sometimes, it’s just too damn cold out to be patriotic.

5. When an officer from another branch rolls around.

Yuck… Let’s just get this over with.

The 6 most OFP jobs in the military

Also Read: 5 common movie mistakes veterans can spot right away

6. Having to salute a lower-ranking troop to gain entry onto the ship.

To get payback later, make sure the lower enlistee salutes you back with proper freakin’ form.

7. After work, when you’re carrying more than a case of beer back to the barracks, and an officer walks by.

Whatever you do, do not make eye contact with the general.

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