6 ways to make money while living in the barracks - We Are The Mighty
Humor

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks

If there’s one common complaint among members of the United States Armed Forces (aka the best people in the world), it’s that the pay sucks. When getting paid less than minimum wage grows old (and it does, fast), a servicemember might be inclined to find a way to supplement their income.


So, we asked what a few veterans what they did to fill in the financial gap.

Related: 5 ways to skate in Marine Corps boot camp

6. Taking someone’s barracks duty

When the duty roster hits, there’s always a few people who get screwed out of something. Taking someone’s duty is a great service — one that others just might be willing to pay for. Given how unfavorable of a job it is, the competition is low. You could make a killing by taking someone else’s duty.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
The duty has no friends, though. (Image via Rod Keller YouTube)

5. Doing another servicemember’s taxes

There are plenty of people living in the barracks who feel like doing their taxes take up valuable drinking time — all you need to do is plug in their W-2 information and charge a few bones for your services.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks

4. Fixing other troops’ cars

Given how much some local auto shops charge, it’s usually much cheaper and more convenient to consult with one of the many barracks grease monkeys.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
(Image via Marines.mil)

3. Becoming a tattoo artist

Military service and tattoos go hand-in-hand, like peanut butter and jelly or grunts and rain. If you’ve got the skill, equipment, and you don’t mind the carpal tunnel, this option may be for you.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Hopefully, this isn’t the kind of tattoo you get (or give) at the barracks (Image via Warner Brother’s We’re the Millers)

2. Make some of that “good-good”

This one is a bit out there, but times can get tough and not everyone has the talent for pole dancing, so they might turn to becoming their barracks’ own Walter White or Tony Montana.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
When your normal military pay doesn’t cut it and you need to pay off that Mustang at 30% APR (Image from AMC’s Breaking Bad)

[Editor’s Note: We are absolutely not suggesting you actually open a drug lab. Come on. You’re smarter than that — we hope.]

Also Read: 5 reasons why Luke Skywalker was operator AF

1. Giving others barracks haircuts

This one is definitely the most popular and it’s not very hard to do. Just get a set of clippers, watch a YouTube tutorial, and, even with all the competition, this one is guaranteed to rake in the cash.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
(Image via Marines.mil)

What are some crazy businesses you’ve seen in the military?

Articles

7 things you should know before joining the infantry

There’s no shortage of heroic war stories — truth or fiction — with heavy amounts of glory and honor in them, which can cause young adults to crave certain adventures. Although serving in the infantry does bring a level of individual satisfaction, many facts tend to get left out regarding what it’s really  like to be a ground pounder.


So before you run to your local recruiting office to sign on the dotted line and become a hero or whatever, here are a few things you might need to know:

1. It’s a dangerous job

Movies do a great job depicting how dangerous war can be as directors add in cinematic kills and awesome camera work.

In real life, there’s no pulse-pounding theme music or slow motion effects — the sh*t is real.

Yes, we’re serious. (Image via Giphy)

2. You will make unbreakable relationships

Once you make a friend in the infantry, you always have that special bond no matter what.

Hopefully, you’re the “Maverick” in the relationship. (Image via Giphy)

3.  It can be really, really boring

You’ve probably heard the phrase “hurry up and wait.” In a grunt unit, everything takes more time than it should and you’re going to have plenty of down time. So make sure you have games downloaded on your smartphone to play and help you stay awake while you wait for the higher-ups to “pass the word.”

Stay awake brain. (Image via Giphy)

4. You will get to blow sh*t up

This is the best part. That is all.

3/5 Get Some! (Image via Giphy)

5. You will be made to do stupid tasks

It’s called a “working party.” This sounds way more fun than it actually is. Instead of plenty of beer and drunken coeds, you’ll be outside in the heat “police calling” cigarette butts or mopping your boss’s office.

If this looks fun, being a boot in the infantry may be your calling(Image via Giphy)

Also Read: 5 differences between Army and Marine Corps infantry

6. You will go on a lot of mandatory hikes

Whether it’s 5 miles or 25 miles, an infantryman will put on all his gear and equipment and walk the base to help get him in shape for deployment — it’s called a conditioning hike and it’s the worst.

Here’s a fun little trick, wear pantyhose under your socks to keep from ripping up your heels up. You’re welcome.

It might look weird, but it can save your feet and maybe even your life. (Image via Giphy)

7. You’ll earn yourself lifelong pride, you smug bastard.

If you manage to get through all the training, deploy to combat, and make it home safe — you will have unspoken bragging rights forever.

Smile! You’re not serving behind a desk for the next four years. (Image via Giphy)

Humor

The Olympic events each branch would be awesome at

People around the world watch in awe as the Olympic Games begin. Athletes, who have spent their entire lives mastering their given sport, are pitted against each other for the chance to emerge as the world’s greatest.


Yet, there’s always the few watching who say to themselves, “pssssh, that’s easy! I got this!” Many members of that group are veterans. Based entirely off of stereotypes associated with each branch of the armed forces, these are the events that we would dominate if given the chance.

1. Soldiers would win the biathlon.

In case you don’t know what a biathlon is, you cross-country ski for around 10 kilometers while carrying your rifle to eventually shoot at targets.

It’s basically a ruck march in the snow, minus the rucksack and plus some skis. And you actually get to shoot your rifle instead of just carrying it.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Finally! The event the 10th Mountain Division keeps saying they can do! (Photos (left) by Scott Sturkol and (right) Jack L. Gillund)

2. Marines would win shooting events.

Every Marine is a rifleman, right? The one thing Marines can confidently brag about over everyone else is their marksmanship.

If they brag about being able at shoot 500 meters with a rifle chambered in 5.56, they should clean the floor at 50 meters, prone with a .22 LR caliber rifle.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
You don’t want the Army to be the only branch to win Gold for Olympic shooting! (Photos (left) by Lance Cpl. Andrew Huff and (right) Tim Hipps)

3. Airmen would win cycling.

Airmen had cycling as a standard fitness test event until 2003, but it seems like every Airman is still obsessed with telling you how great their spin class is. So, why not put them to the test?

Just swap the PT belt for a spandex onesie and you’re set!

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Another benefit is that they still get a chair! (Photo (left) by Linda LaBonte Britt. Photo (right) courtesy of the Olympics)

4. Coast Guardsmen would win sailing.

Coast Guardsmen are here for two things: Kicking drug-smuggler ass and sailing. And at the Olympics, they’ll be all out of drug smugglers.

Our beloved Puddle Pirates are known for sailing all sorts of ships, so why not teach a few to sail Olympic regulation ships between drug busts?

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
A third thing they do is help stranded civilians on ships, like Olympic sailboats, when they mess up. (Photos (left) by Petty Officer 3rd Class Andrew Barresi and (right) Caroline Granycome)

5. Sailors should dominate beach volleyball.

Come on, sailors! If you guys are going to get upset about the Top Gun jokes while simultaneously playing volleyball for PT in the morning, at least win Olympic gold!

If sailors brought home gold, I think we’d all stop the jokes — or they’d never stop… it’s worth looking into, though.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
In all seriousness though, go Team USA! Troops or not, they’re doing our country proud! (Photo (left) by Cpl. Kirstin Merrimarahajara. Photo (right) courtesy of the DoD)

Articles

13 funniest military memes for the week of May 26

The week is over, but this memes list is just getting started. Here are 13 of the best times that words were paired with a picture on the internet this week:


1. 50 feet after they step off, the airmen are dropping like flies (via Air Force amn/nco/snco).

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Apparently, staplers don’t provide proper calluses.

2. The groin protectors help a little, but you’re still boned (via Military World).

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Feel all the air coming out of your lungs? That’s the suck. Embrace it.

3. To be fair, this is pretty exciting (via Team Non-Rec).

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
It tastes like schnozzberries!

Also see: That time CBS captured an intense firefight in Vietnam

4. If you get it, you get it (via The Salty Soldier).

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
If not, ask for Season 1 of Rick and Morty as your re-enlistment bonus.

5. You seem to have a leak that has covered 70 percent of the Earth’s surface (via Decelerate Your Life).

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Figure it out.

6. It just can’t wait to get some more lifting in, make those gains (via Air Force Nation).

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Nom nom nom, gonna eat a tank or two.

7. That’s one shiny bag of trash you got there (via Coast Guard Memes).

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
If only it were useful.

8. Might be wishing for too much (via Decelerate Your Life).

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
We got you a chain of command. Oh, a good one? Sorry, fresh out.

9. To all the people who still aren’t master chiefs, sorry (via Air Force amn/nco/snco).

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Not sure if baseballs to the chest will help, but it can’t hurt much more than getting passed over yet again.

10. Ummmm… can I opt for the cash instead? (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting)

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Because I’m pretty sure I could find both food and apartments without black mold all over them.

11. They were as-holes, but jumping in with machine guns and bicycles is still pretty cool (via Military World).

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Gonna have to kill them for supporting an evil, mass-murdering regime, but respect those skills.

12. You were supposed to do the survey long before the intranet existed (via Shit my LPO says).

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Not sure why you dragged your feet for over 100 years.

13. Army tuition assistance didn’t make it into the new budget proposals (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting).

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks

But you can buy a Little Golden Book for like, three bucks.

Humor

8 reasons you want Commander Riker to be your CO

We all have that officer we served with (or under) that we absolutely adore. We would follow them to the gates of hell or go there ourselves if they so ordered us. But, look: No one gives orders like Commander William T. Riker.


6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Riker isn’t taking anyone’s sh*t. Least of all, yours.

This is why you should want Picard’s “number one” to be your number one.

8. He’s genuinely a nice dude.

He doesn’t bitch when his officers call him by his first name. He remembers all his crews’ names. He’s best friends with his ex-girlfriend. He goes to his friends’ poetry readings. He even plays the trombone for people.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks

I mean, for a guy with so much to do as the first officer of a flagship, you wonder where he gets the energy.

7. He had a beard when it wasn’t even in regs.

How many beards do you see on Star Trek? Any show in the series. Go ahead and look – it’s not many. When you do see them, most of the time, they’re only for flag officers. Meanwhile, Riker grew his out almost immediately. He sure as hell wasn’t going to wait ’til he had a DD-214.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Operator AF.

6. Will Riker will not be tempted by a Fat Leonard.

All the officers who were seduced by the real Fat Leonard are getting off relatively light (especially considering how the enlisted people are getting the book thrown at them), and it’s the U.S. Navy who suffers. Commander William T. Riker has no use for hookers and champagne.

Related: 5 of the most ridiculous things naval officers did with ‘Fat Leonard’

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Damn right. He gets his own.

When the omnipotent alien called ‘Q’ tried to give Riker the powers of a god, Riker told him to f*ck off. Will Riker will make Captain on his own, dammit.

5. Everything bad happens to him and he’s somehow okay.

Riker had to kick his estranged father’s ass to be okay with his childhood. He was abducted by aliens who cut off his arm. Actually, he was abducted a few times. His first posting was a mutiny that resulted in the loss of the ship, he was in a transporter accident that basically duplicated him, he was infected with a parasite that turned him into a spy… The list goes on.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
That wasn’t even the worst injury he had that day.

But Will Riker always shows up for work the next day with a clean slate. And he owns it.

4. He’s just like any other sailor.

Make no bones about it, Riker likes to drink, dance, and get down (you know what I mean). He’s a man’s man — so much so that his only real relationship had to be with a female who could read his emotions because he’s not giving anything but a wink and a smile.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Fine by us.

He has 20 years in service and he still goes on shore leave to a place literally known as a “pleasure planet.”

3. Riker is 100 percent about equal opportunity.

He loves all beings, regardless of gender, race, and even androgyny. Even a robot or two.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Do it boldly.

I’m pretty sure he’s fine with women in combat and openly transgender Starfleet officers. He may have some trouble with the Military Equal Opportunity office, though.

2. His goddamned awesome command presence.

Nothing says, “I am confident in my ability to lead” like swinging your leg over the back of any given chair to sit down.

You know why it looks so f*cking awesome? Because he looks like a cowboy mounting up on a horse for some adventure.

1. He’s going to bring his sailors home.

There’s a reason this redshirt leads away missions and still lives. Over the seven seasons of Star Trek: The Next Generation, only 57 Enterprise crew members were killed and only 14 of those died on Riker-led away missions — and they usually got the bad guy in the end.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Light ’em up.

Humor

5 reasons why troops hate going to sick call

The military is widely known for giving free medical and dental benefits to its service members and their families. Sometimes there can be a co-pay, but overall it’s a pretty sweet deal.


Although going to medical is also a smart way to skate your way through the day.

But many hate the idea and just want to conduct their business and get out. The fact is, unlike sick commandoes (you know who you are), you’ve got work to do and don’t want to spend your day fighting your way through the process of being seen.

So check out these reasons why troops hate going to sick call.

Related: 4 unusual tasks Corpsman do that their recruiters left out

1. Long waits

Depending on what command you report to every morning, you’re required to be there at a specific time. In most cases, medical is usually open before you need to get to work or it never closes. Since the majority of the military population (not all) are seeking to get an SIQ chit (Sick in Quarters) and stay home, they show up at the butt-crack of dawn like everyone else, causing long lines.

Unless you’re very high ranking or know the doctor well — you’re going to have to wait.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Military members wait in a sick call line. (Photo: Senior Airman Josie Walck)

2. One chief complaint at a time

Military doctors treat dozens of patients per day then have to write up and complete the S.O.A.P. note. They’re typically face-to-face with the patient for just a few minutes, but behind the scenes, they can spend valuable time developing a treatment plan.

An unwritten guideline is a doctor only has time to treat one symptom or chief complaint per visit — that’s if the issues aren’t related. So in many cases, if you have a headache and a twisted ankle, pick one then wait in line to be seen for the other. So hopefully the medic or corpsman who’s helping out knows what he or she is doing and can treat you on the side.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
A Corpsman takes a look at his patient during sick call. (DOD photo)

3. Missing paperwork

Depending on your duty station, you may notice that the staff hand wrote the majority of your documented medical visits and probably never scanned them into the computer. That means there’s only one copy floating around.

When you plan on separating and you file for disability claiming you were seen in medical for that shoulder injury, if it isn’t in your medical record, it didn’t happen.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
HM3 Tristian Thomas reviews a patient’s medical record. (Photo by Photographer’s Mate 3rd Class Randall Damm)

Also Read: 5 key differences between Army medics and Navy corpsmen

4. The ole run around

When doctors order labs or x-rays in hospitals, staff members usually come to the patient to either extract the sample or transport them to the right area.

In a sick call setting, those services may not even be located in the same building. So good luck getting from A to B.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Getting around on base in a hurry can feel like New York City traffic.

5. Not getting what you want

Patients frequently enter medical feeling sick as a dog and convince themselves they wouldn’t be efficient at work. So when your temperature reads normal and the doctor doesn’t see a reason to let you go home for the day, don’t hate on medical when you get…

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks

 

Can you think of any others? Comment below

Articles

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of Aug. 19

More funny military memes than you can shake a stick at.


Actually, there’s just the 13. You might be able to shake a stick at 13 things. Look, just check out the memes:

1. Seriously, that guy you hate sucks so hard. He shouldn’t be promoted (via Pop Smoke).

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Maybe. We don’t actually know him. Or you.

2. This would sting less if it weren’t true (via Pop Smoke).

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
The only way to make this more correct would be if the dude on the far left was a 40-year-old specialist.

SEE ALSO: Navy names Arleigh Burke destroyer after World War II Marine hero

3. Garden warfare has been a neglected specialty that we need to reinforce (via Sh*t my LPO says V2.0).

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Plants are one of the only ways to properly counter zombies.

4. Look, first sergeant. We both know I have neither the power nor the inclination to fix this (via Team Non-Rec).

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
I am predisposed to taking bets on who breaks a limb first if you want in on this action.

5. If you really wanted your freedom, there’s always the dishonorable discharge (via Why I’m Not Re-Enlisting).

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
The ETS route takes forever.

6. Perfect screengrab, but Will Smith got sent to Bel Air instead of 29 Palms (via Team Non-Rec).

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Marines aren’t so lucky.

7. Wait, do the Coast Guardsmen really wear life preservers during basic training drills?

(via Coast Guard Memes)

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
You’re right, Coast Guard. That is so much worse than the Army and their 30+ pounds of armor.

8. “Why yes, it is the SF of the Air Force,” is not technically a lie (via Military Memes).

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
If he says that you’ll be infantry or special operations, he’s full of it.

9. That dead sprint only matters if the star chambers are properly cleaned (via Pop Smoke).

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Bet you leave the armory more slowly than went there.

10. “Oh, you had to get a new backpack to carry your notebooks? How cute.”

(via Military Memes)

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks

11. Wait, the sign clearly says that adult supervision is required (via NavyMemes.com).

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Where are all the chiefs?

12. Joint Terminal Attack Controllers may be cocky, but everyone’s fine with it if they can get effects on target (via Military Memes).

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Don’t pray for deliverance, bring it with you.

13. Or, “When people complain about the backseat of a car.”

(via Military Memes)

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Oh, your legs are cramped. Are they really?

Humor

5 reasons why you should’ve enlisted as a ‘Doc’ instead

“Pecker checker,” “silver bullet bandit,” and “devil doc” are just a few of the nicknames used to describe your platoon medic or corpsman.


Most people can’t stomach the thought of sticking a thermometer up someone’s ass to get a core temperature, but that’s one of the many responsibilities of being a “Doc.”

Although that part of the job doesn’t so great, being a doc has tons of advantages, provided you have your sh*t together.

Related: 6 things you didn’t know about sick call

So, check out these five reasons why you should’ve enlisted as a doc.

5. Spread loading out your gear

When you’re serving in a grunt unit, you’re going to have to carry a mobile ER on your back, including all the staples, like I.V. solution, tons of pressure dressings, and splints.

Since the squad wants their doc to be as mobile as possible, we commonly get our brothers to carry some of the additional heavy, situational stuff. That way, we can haul the more critical sh*t, like cans of Rip It and extra packs of smokes.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Thanks for carrying all that, bro. Let me know if you want a sip of this delicious energy drink.

4. The power of negotiation

Good medics are often given a lot of power, and they need to remember to use those perks carefully. We usually obtain the power to give our troops “sick-in-quarters” slips and “light duty” forms without question from our higher command.

This power gives us the leverage to get other troops to do sh*t for us, like taking my next duty or carrying our packs on a platoon hike. It’s a great, low-overhead trade-off.

3. No one (outside of your squad) can f*ck with you

Your squad members will punch out anyone because they don’t want anything to happen to their doc. However, if you want your boys coming to your aid, you need to be good at your job or else you’re f*cked and walking back to base with a bruised eye.

It just wasn’t his day. (Image via GIPHY)

2. You get the best of both worlds

This section is for the Navy Corpsman stationed on the “Greenside.” After you earn the respect of your peers, you can find ways to distance yourself from activities you don’t want to do (hiking), and then volunteer yourself for things you find interesting (kicking door the bad guys’ door in Afghanistan).

Most of the time, we can get out of crappy activities by saying, “Sergeant, I need to run over to the battalion aid station for a few.” It can be that simple.

Also Read: 6 things corpsmen should know before going to the ‘Greenside’

1. The safety vehicle

Remember earlier when I said you could find ways to distance yourself from hikes? The best way to do it is to pull safety vehicle duty and comfortably drive around while watching the others crawl up the mountainside in a full combat load.

The downside? If you need to crawl up a mountainside in Afghanistan and you’ve skipped all the hikes, you’re probably not conditioned enough.

You don’t want to fall out of any hike while on a combat deployment.

Bonus: You get to save lives!

There’s nothing better than that.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
This combat medic starts an I.V. on a soldier during training. (Image from Wikipedia Commons)

Humor

6 ways to make the most of your urinalysis

One of the most uncomfortable things for everyone involved is a urinalysis. Unfortunately, it’s an integral part of how the military tracks the health and welfare of its troops and ensures that no illicit substances damage unit integrity.

Take it from us, the only way to make peeing in a cup while your NCO watches less uncomfortable for you is to actively make them more uncomfortable. Now, this shouldn’t be too hard because nobody wants to be there in the first place, but we’ve got some pro-tips for you.


Some advice, though: If you’re a guy, don’t make size jokes. You’re just setting yourself for a slam like the one in Jarhead.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks

This one only works if you have time to prepare.

(Courtesy Photo)

Eat nothing but beets and asparagus

Fun fact: Eating a bunch of beets turns your pee a bright red color. You’ll probably fool someone into thinking you’ve got medical issues with this trick. Also, asparagus makes your piss smell nasty and unpleasant if you’re looking to make things that much worse.

If you know a urinalysis test in in your future, like after block leave, try it.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks

Ask for some soothing music

Seriously, the observer doesn’t have any desire to be there either, so they’ll do whatever is necessary to speed up the process. Usually, they’ll turn on a faucet to help get you going. Soothing music wouldn’t seem like an unreasonable request.

That’s when you say, “now I’m in the mood! Let’s do this!”

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks

If they aren’t paying attention, mess with them.

The observer’s job is to ensure that the urine leaves the body. If they’re giving you privacy, they’re doing it wrong.

Keep them on their toes and say, “You wanted a stool sample, right?” Or the classic, “I can’t do this without any magazines…”

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks

Don’t break eye contact

A steady stream of eye contact is sure to make everyone involved very uncomfortable.

Get butt-naked to pee

Technically, the observer is supposed to make sure you’re not using a prosthetic. Yep, that’s right, because that’s a thing that dumb-f*cks have tried to get away with.

So, be extra helpful and make sure there’s no possibility that you’re using a fake by stripping all the way down.

“Stumble” while holding the filled cup in your hand

Just because you’ve finished the act doesn’t mean you have to stop messing with others.

If you pretend like you’re about to trip, everyone’s eyes will jolt open out of fear. You should be clumsier than infomercial people.

Humor

6 more Share-a-Coke cans they could also use

Coca-Cola, the USO, and Dollar General have teamed up to run a special “Share a Coke” campaign this summer in support of the military community. It was designed with the best of intentions, but it’s caught a bit of backlash for not including a few branches.

You can find 16-oz cans of Coke labeled with ‘Sailor,’ ‘Airman,’ and “Coast Guardsman,” which accounts for three of the five branches, but you’ll notice that both ‘Solider’ and ‘Marine’ are missing. Instead, you’ll find cans marked ‘hero’ and ‘veteran’ respectively.

So, if they’re going to swap out two branch-specific terms in favor of something more widely applicable, that opens the door for plenty of other possibilities! Try these on for size:


6 ways to make money while living in the barracks

For that no-drag specialist in your squad.

High Speed

With all due respect, they’ve kinda missed the mark by using “Hero” as the label for soldiers — this isn’t exactly a compliment in some contexts. In the Army, the term ‘Hero’ is a play on the phrase, “there’s a fine line between bravery and stupidity.” Basically, it’s another term for ‘idiot.’

Why not go all the way and label one “High Speed?”

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks

Boot

Every Marine was, at one point in their career, a dumb boot. It’s only after a young boot has made enough mistakes and has had the stupid smoked out of them enough times that they’re finally accepted by their fellow Marines. It’s a rite of passage.

Since boots are also the most likely to remind everyone in the outside world of their service, they should have their own can.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks

Caw caw, mother f*cker.

Blue Falcon

No one likes the blue falcon — it’s no coincidence that the first letter of each word in this term is shared with another, less polite label: Buddy F*cker.

Blue falcons work hard to keep up their game and getting your buddies in trouble is thirsty work. Why not celebrate them with a nice, cold middle finger?

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks

Perfectly mixes well with whiskey.

C.O.B

The C.O.B. (or the Crabby Ol’ Bastard) is the Chief of the Boat and is more often than not the oldest person on the ship.

You’ll never know how these salty sailors made it so long without being forced into retirement, but you have to respect their amazing ability to hold a ship together using only pure hatred.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks

They can get a Coke and a Bronze Star as an End of Tour award.

Powerpoint Ranger

Rangers are some of the hardest badasses in the Army. The Powerpoint Ranger, however, is on the very opposite side of the coolness spectrum.

All these guys do is sit on the FOB and craft the perfect Powerpoint presentation on the complexities of connex cleaning. These guys probably haven’t seen the range in years, but they do have a direct line to the Colonel.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks

The one and only universal truth that every service member can agree on is: “F*ck Jodie.”

Jodie

A Coke isn’t the only thing Jodie wants to share with you.

Humor

6 ways Austin Powers is way more operator than you

In 1997, Britain’s biggest playboy and best special agent Austin Powers rocked movie-goers with his bad teeth and groovy personality.


Completely backed by the powerful Ministry of Defense, Powers stopped at nothing to take down his most villainous arch-enemy, Dr. Evil, who commonly held the world hostage while putting his pinky in his mouth.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
Kinda looks like Putin. (Source: New Line/ Screenshot)

Against all odds, Powers continually did his part to finish his mission, regardless of what planet or time period it took place in.

Related: The nice old man in the popular military meme is actually operator AF

So check out six ways Austin Powers is more operator than you’ll ever be.

6. He volunteered to be cryogenically frozen.

Austin was so patriotic to his country he agreed to be frozen stiff until Dr. Evil returned.

What an awful facial position to be frozen in. (Image via Giphy)

5. He has a car that can freakin’ time-travel.

While you’re driving in a hybrid, he’s chasing down terrorists jumping through time.

James Bond has nothing on Austin. (Image via Giphy)

4. Austin is known for taking out his enemies with a judo chop.

It doesn’t have to look awesome, it just needs to be effective.

He’s the only spy who can take a person out with toothpaste. (Image via Giphy)

3. Women find him completely irresistible.

In fact, some women have been known to explode because of his insanely good dance moves.

Admit it. You can’t resist him either. (Image via Giphy)

2. He’s practically rocket- and fall-proof.

Just as long as Austin has someone to stand in front of him bracing the impact — he’s good to go.

The secret to staying alive is using a female villain as a shield. (Image via Giphy)

Also Read: Newly released video shows just how operator Keanu Reeves can be

1. He can detect if there is a mole in the area.

Some operators train for years gaining the experience to find a government mole. Austin Powers found one in just a few moments.

Nothing gets passed Austin. Nothing. (Image via Giphy)Can you think of any more? Comment below.
Humor

7 worst times to have a negligent discharge

Service members do their jobs in some pretty stressful environments. From patrolling in a deadly combat zone to saying your final good-byes at a military funeral — it can be intense.


At most military functions, there will most likely be someone present who is carrying a loaded weapon, whether it’s blanks or live ammunition.

With stress levels reaching a high peak, the last thing people want to hear is the negligent discharge  — or ND — of a firearm.

Related: 17 images that perfectly show the misery of returning your gear

Check out our list of the worst times to have a negligent discharge:

7. At a funeral detail

Many military funerals have a 21-gun salute waiting fire at a specific time during the ceremony. Interrupting the service by having one of the riflemen accidentally discharge their weapon before they’re supposed to would be less than ideal, to say the least.

Everyone tends to jump a little even when the rifles are fired at the correct time.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks

6. During a foreign military weapons inspection

We advise and work alongside many foreign countries’ militaries throughout the world. When you’re trying to build and/or maintain relationships, there’s nothing more cancerous than having an ND occur to set everyone on edge.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
BANG. *Laughs in German* (Source: DoD)

5. Right before stepping out on a stressful foot patrol

The primary mission of allied foot patrol is to make contact with the opposition. When a trooper accidentally taps the trigger of a weapon that’s no longer on “safe,” some very crappy things can follow.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
BANG. *Angry Looks*  (Source: Army.mil)

4. While handling business in a porta-sh*tter

Many troops are required to carry loaded sidearms on their hip. Having a negligent discharge while you’re taking care of business can lead to a messy result.

Oh, and you can shoot yourself.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
BANG. Just Bang. Any other sounds effects would be disgust– *gag*

3. Inside an up-armored vehicle

Armored vehicles are designed to keep the bad guys’ bullets from entering the cabin. That’s pretty obvious, right?

Having an ND go off inside the vehicle is really bad as the bullet will ricochet until it loses speed. Hopefully, it doesn’t land inside of one your buddies.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
BANG PING PING PING PING PING PING PING PING

2. In the “CoC”

The “Center of Communication” is the artery for directing the troops on the ground. If an ND were to occur inside, that live round could kill a troop or damage some important computerized gear.

On second thought, just clear all your weapon systems before entering.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
BANG. *Crickets*

Also Read: 33 images that perfectly portray your first 96-hour liberty

1. In a crowded Afghan Bazaar

Afganistan is considered one of the most dangerous battlegrounds in the world. The already intense energy in the area can quickly become deadly in a blink of an eye. A negligent discharge could launch an entire battle — or worse.

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
BANG… rattattatbangbangbangbangbanghissssssssBOOOOOOOOOOM

Bonus: During Bowe Bergdahl’s trial

Do we really need to explain why this is a super bad time for an ND?

6 ways to make money while living in the barracks
No bang. Just don’t.

Articles

5 nuggets of wisdom in ‘Black Hawk Down’ you may have missed

In 1993, US forces consisting of Army Rangers and Delta Force commandos stormed into Mogadishu, Somalia, to capture warlord Mohamed Farrah Aidid and key members of his militia.


During the raid, two UH-60 Black Hawk helicopters were shot down, 18 Americans were killed, and 73 were wounded.

Director Ridley Scott brought the heroic story to the big screen in 2001’s “Black Hawk Down” which portrays aspects of the power of human will and brotherly bonds between the soldiers in the fight.

Peel back the layers of the film and check out a few nuggets of wisdom you may have missed in the story.

Related: Here’s how Hollywood turns actors into military operators

1. Never underestimate the enemy

US forces tend to believe because a nation is poor, they don’t have any fight in them. Remember that the enemies we typically fight have home field advantage.

2. Don’t f*ck with Delta Force

Enough said — and probably the coolest line in the movie.

3. Understanding what you can’t control

It’s a common misconception that the ground troops know why they’re sent to a fight.

The truth is — there’s always a mission behind the mission. But that doesn’t matter, because it boils down in the end to surviving and taking care of your men. That’s real leadership.

4. Life doesn’t always make sense

After watching one of the hardest scenes in the film, a Ranger’s death, Sgt. Eversmann (played by Josh Hartnett) questions himself and over-analyzes his own leadership. Honestly, no matter how much you train, you can’t predict sh*t.

Also Read: 5 military myths that Hollywood has taught us to believe are true

5. Why we do it

It’s nice to be told “thank you for your service” by civilians every now and again, but truthfully we don’t like it. Hoot (played by Eric Bana) clears it up in one line — why grunts do what they do.

Can you think of any others? Comment below.