In most parts of America, Top Ramen is considered a last-resort food consumed by college kids, recently divorced dads, and drunk people. It doesn’t have to be this way. Top Ramen has potential — it’s a diamond in the rough — and it’s up to you to showcase just how delicious this peasant food can be.
So, check out how to make the best Ramen coming from an eight-year Marine veteran-turned-chef.
Here are the tools you’ll need to make the perfect Top Ramen dish on a budget
Wooden cooking spoon
1 package of cheap Top Ramen with flavor pack
2 cups water
1 tbsp Soy Sauce
1 tbsp Ponzu
1 tbsp black bean chili paste
2 tsp ground ginger
2 tsp ground lemongrass
1 bunch fresh cilantro
1 slice of American or pepper-jack cheese
Step 1. Make broth.
Add all liquid ingredients along with the ground ginger, lemongrass, and provided flavor pack into the saucepan. Place on a stove at high heat and stir with a wooden spoon until everything is dissolved.
Step 2. Bring to a boil.
Bring the liquid to a boil, stirring often with your wooden spoon.
Step 3. Prep the garnish.
As the broth slowly approaches a boil, chop up the cilantro. Cut the lime into a few wedges.
Step 4. Add the noodles.
Once the broth is boiling, add the noodles and stir until it boils again. Then, reduce to a simmer and let cook for 5 minutes.
Recently, the military healthcare system Tricare posted a photo on its Facebook page that had its fans in a frenzy.
People got pissed; they complained; they shared the post with harsh words; some even used “caps lock” in their comments. It was terrible.
What was so offensive about the post, you ask? If you hadn’t already seen it, it was a wedding photo with the comment “You had me at #TRICARE.” See below.
As someone who works online almost exclusively, I had to laugh at the post. In fact, I laughed a lot. I could understand why some people were upset (hello, pushing a negative stereotype on female military spouses), but mostly I couldn’t understand how the marketing department at Tricare saw the post and said “Oh hey, THIS post is an EXCELLENT idea!”
My first reaction when I saw it, honestly, was “I wonder how long whomever approved this post will have a job?” I post all kinds of crazy things on my own personal Facebook page, but I’ve been called into more than one come-to-Jesus meeting with a boss over a poorly planned social media post.
When that’s your job, you have to be aware of your audience.
And who is the audience for most of Tricare’s social media pages? Probably spouses who want to keep up with changes in Tricare benefits. So it’s no small wonder that a whole bunch of them were butthurt.
So I did what any responsible journalist in my position would do: I shared the flub on my personal Facebook page and asked for hilarious feedback. My friends did not disappoint.
The idea? If we were to marry someone for his benefits, couldn’t we have chosen someone with better perks?
The military benefits are great, don’t get me wrong. But what about if you married:
1. A mob boss
All the Italian food your heart desires and the destruction of your mortal enemies. (this is obviously my first choice)
2. Prince Harry
Crowns and gowns, you’d never have to work! (wait. maybe this is my first choice)
3. United State Senator or Representative
The best health care your tax dollars can buy. Plus no one’s allowed to hurt your feelings. (gag me now)
4. A doctor
All you can eat hospital food! (food? queue the fat dependa jokes, because I AM IN)
5. A dog breeder
Picks of the litter! (meh, I’m not really a puppy person. Don’t shoot me, I prefer a full-grown rescue)
6. Donald Trump
If you ever go bald or are in desperate need of a tanning bed, you’re already in the right place! (If you can stomach this, its an option for those of you under 25!)
7. Any president
Free food, vacations all over the world; top private schools for kids; secret service body guards; couple cabins in the woods; free airfare!! (Woah woah woah…. someone sign my husband up!)
8. A Masseuse
Happy massages for days. (Okay I’m really torn between this one and Prince Harry. Can we choose two?)
9. Bill Gates
When one door closes the windows are always open!! (I’m a Mac girl, so…)
10. A handyman
All the crap around the house might actually get done! (Except my daddy raised me to be able to DO all the crap around the house, so this isn’t an issue here.)
11. Cesar Milan (the dog whisperer)
Maybe he can make the kids behave! (Wait, I have to choose between behaving kids and Prince Harry? Adulting is hard.)
12. A plastic surgeon
Think this speaks for itself. (Meh, not really my cup of tea)
13. A Starbucks barista
I think this also speaks for itself. (Okay, so do you think Harry could make coffee AND be a mob boss AND be a masseuse? Someone with connections find this out for me?)
14. An airline Pilot
Get to travel for free or for little out-of-pocket when there are seats available. (I’m married to a pilot. I see how he drives, I DO NOT want to fly with him.)
15. A personal trainer and chef
Never have to cook again and always fit into your skinny jeans! (I already fit into my skinny jeans. I just buy them bigger now.)
16. A hotel manager
Free room and board with complimentary continental breakfast! (I do enjoy food…)
17. A mechanic
(Free oil changes?)
18. Matt Damon
He’s my fantasy celebrity boyfriend and I’m waiting for his proposal. (Obviously this wasn’t my suggestion. If it’s not obvious, I super like Prince Harry. Just saying.)
19. A farmer
Cheap help from laborers, tractors and back hoes to dig as many holes as I need to bury the bodies. Then, when the old man ain’t worth it anymore I just take him out to pasture on the back 40! (So maybe not husband material, but maybe as a side piece while I’m married to the mob boss? Questions need to be asked here.)
20. A coffee importer
I would always have the best coffee. Ooh or someone who owns a bookstore too! Unlimited coffee and books for life it can’t get any better than that. (Just out of curiosity, does anyone know if Prince Harry has a library? Asking for a friend.)
21. The owner of a winery
(Also need to find out how Harry feels about wine)
22. A civilian so you never have to sleep alone
…Or worry. (I know, too serious)
23. A Costco employee
I used to work at Aetna. Let me tell you — those folks get great insurance. Or they used to. Free glasses once a year for all members of the family. (It IS time for me to get new glasses.)
24. The heir to a million dollar business with really nice in laws
No wait.. better! Heir to an awesome chocolate company. (Note to self, find out how Prince Harry feels about wine and chocolate and masseuse school and libraries and…)
I just realized that Prince Harry is in the military as well, so maybe I just really appreciate a man in uniform and the benefits aren’t really even the icing on the cake.
We don’t like being called “medics” — if we wanted that title we would have joined the Army (shots fired).
With all that said, the military is known for its rivalry as each branch’s medical department wants to be defined as being the most dominant force. Although there will never be a clear winner, competing for the title is the fun part.
We could brag all day about having the most Medal of Honor recipients, but that just wouldn’t be dignified. So here’s proof that the rate of Hospital Corpsman is the sh*t. Come at me.
Back in the day, we were referred to as Surgeon’s Mates, Apothecary, and Loblolly Boy, among a few others. But it wasn’t until June 17, 1898, when President William McKinley signed an act of Congress that created the Navy Hospital Corps, which allowed enlisted personnel to assist surgeons with the wounded on the battlefield.
It was the Corpsman’s job to keep the irons hot while assisting the doctors with cauterizing patient’s limbs after amputation, as well as keeping buckets of sand at the ready to help the medical staff from slipping on the floor from all those massive bleeds.
Since those days, Corpsmen served right alongside the Marine Corps, fighting and patching them up; and that tradition has carried on through the eras as they continue to earn each others’ respect.
Just some of the different types of Corpsman
With all the many types of Corpsmen out there these days, let’s start from the beginning.
In the modern era, the basic Hospital Corpsman earns the NEC “quad zero” or “0000” rating when they graduate from A-school, and can either head right out to the fleet or get additional orders for more specialized training called “C-schools.”
Some Corpsmen will go on to become laboratory techs, dental techs, or attend one of two the Field Medical Training Battalions.
Also known as field med, this tough training is a few steps down from Marine boot camp and is modified with medical classes catered to performing life-saving interventions in combat.
In field med, Corpsmen learn basic patrolling tactics and infantry maneuvers that will help when they deploy to combat zones with their Marine platoons.
In some cases, Corpsmen can request additional schools if they qualify and decide to re-enlist at the end of their active contracts. Many Corpsmen at the pay grade of E-5 request to attend “Independent Duty Corpsman” or IDC school.
Remember when I told you we were better than Army medics? Here’s what I meant:
After completing training, Independent Duty Corpsmen are allowed to take care of patients, prescribe medications and perform minor surgical procedures without the presence of a medical officer.
No Army enlisted personnel can do that. Write that down.
Unfortunately, with all the valuable training IDC’s go through, when they exit the Navy, they can take the knowledge with them, but the accreditation doesn’t transfer over to the civilian world. Bummer.
It’s official; Corpsmen are not Marines — we’re sailors.
Because most of us have served at one time or another on the Marine side of the house, also known as the “Greenside,” many confuse us with Marines due to our stature and uniform.
The truth is, we don’t mind this because of the brotherly bond we’ve earned. If we’ve taken good care of our Marines, that bond will stretch far beyond our years of military service.
The FMF Corpsman
FMF stands for Fleet Marine Force.
Corpsmen can earn this pin after studying their asses off and answer a sh*t ton of questions about Marine knowledge.
It’s a lot to learn and can take a year to scratch the surface of everything you need to know. In some cases, Corpsmen end up learning more facts about the Marine Corps than Marines.
Plus, if you do receive the honor of getting pinned, it’ll make you look cool in front of your platoon.
It’s also a common practice that you pass down your FMF pin to an up and coming Corpsman who appears to have a promising career.
There are three different types of FMF pins and they all look the same. The Marine Air Wing, Logistic Group, and Division (infantry) all have different knowledge the Corpsman is tested on to earn the plaque.
The Division pin tends to be harder to earn since infantry Corpsmen spend a lot of time in the field without much time to study.
Another impressive aspect of being a Greenside Corpsman is that you’re entitled to wear most of the Marine uniforms except their legendary dress blues — provided you sign a “Page 2” document saying you’ll abide by all Marine Corps regulations.
This includes all uniform inspections and annual exercise tests.
The modified Corpsman dress uniform. That’s badass, Chief — look at the freakin’ stack!
Watch the Corpsman tribute video below, and brothers, stay safe out there. We salute your hard work and dedicated to the Corps.
Marines carry a lot of gear while on a combat deployment: body armor, weapons, and communication equipment — just to name a few.
With all that weight tallying up quickly and a lack of storage space to contain it all, Marines have to be picky about what they’re willing to haul around on those long missions.
At times, they’ll even negotiate with one another who carries what, but check out this list of what Marines have no problem taking with them regardless of how much it weights.
1. Energy drinks
Although water is the healthier choice — there’s nothing like a delicious energy drink to make that 12-hour mission seem more enjoyable and speed up time.
2. Extra ammo
“I have too many bullets to shoot, Sergeant,” said no Marine ever.
Ammo is heavy, but the look on a grunt’s face when he’s unloading a full magazine at the ISIS: priceless.
Even if you didn’t indulge in tobacco products stateside, you’re probably going to light up a cigarette or pack your lip full of dip while on an extended patrol.
4. Things that make other things go boom
The weight of a few Claymores, grenades, and mortars can add up if you’re carrying a few extras in your mole pouches, but one thing Marines love and are proud of is their outstanding ability to blow sh*t up.
To that, we tip our hats.
5. Crystal lite packets
Because drinking water can get boring — really boring. Although it’s a healthier option than number #1.
6. Pogey bait
Many have never heard of this term.
Pogey bait is an assortment of cakes, candies, and nonmilitary foods.
7. Digital camera
Because recording those special little moments of bombing the hell out of ISIS are unique ones.
8. Baby wipes
You never know when you have to take a G.I. shower…or a field dump.
Just in case your 2nd Lieutenant can’t get you to the second checkpoint.
Silicon Valley has a tendency to be mocked — there’s even an entire HBO comedy centered around the absurdities of living and working there.
But one Twitter user approached this subject in a new way: comparing the tech capital of the world to the former Soviet Union. Anton Troynikov created a Twitter thread on July 5, 2018, that quickly went viral over the weekend, making tongue-in-cheek comparisons between working for a tech giant like Tesla or Amazon and working in the USSR.
Here are some of the highlights:
A new heaven and new earth
(Flickr / Jason Tester Guerrilla Futures)
President Dwight D. Eisenhower
The Juicero machine.
An actual bitcoin transaction from the Kraken cryptocurrency exchange to a hardware cryptocurrency wallet.
An Amazon Fulfillment Center.
(Photo by Joe Andrucyk)
Henry Kissinger with President Richard Nixon.
(Photo by Oliver F. Atkins)
‘Henry Kissinger visits sometimes for some reason’
How is it possible that two members of the same military service branch are so different? Like so many other behavioral traits, it all has to do with upbringing.
Enlisted troops go straight from the recruiter’s office and into active service while officers study to get a bachelor’s degree, go through officer leadership training, and learn a service-specific career field.
Neither is better than the other, but there are a few old tropes that make each easy to identify — even out of uniform. But sometimes, the lines start to blur…
1. Having gray hair in civilian attire
Every so often a Marine will have the blessing (and the curse) of naturally gray hair. Sometimes the cause is hereditary, other times it’s because they’re the only one with common sense. When I was in the Corps, one platoon would send a particular gray-haired Marine to the Postal Exchange because nobody would stop this distinguished-looking man from cutting to the front of the line. In the case of acquiring energy drinks and tobacco before a month-long field operation, the ends justify the means.
2. Saying things like ‘outstanding’ instead of ‘great work’
Officers are notorious for saying this unironically. It’s succinct and professional, but if used enough, it will spread faster than that “cold” everyone got before pre-deployment leave.
3. Never helping when you see others struggle
If you ever see an officer lend a hand in loading or unloading gear, report them to the nearest law enforcement agency because that person is a spy.
4. Walking around with a green log book and clipboard
If you want to be left alone, these two items will render you invisible. Troops will avoid you because it’s safer to assume you’re doing something important than to find out for certain. Even senior enlisted will about-face if the words ‘staff duty’ are overheard in conversation.
5. Getting lost during land navigation
Land navigation is an important skill to master because a GPS will not always work in-country. The sheer weight of a lieutenant’s butter bar will offset the azimuth of even the strongest compass.
6. Marrying for love, not BAH
Barracks life can become so unbearable that you’ll be willing to sign another contract. Some Marines will roll the dice with just about anyone to escape the bullsh*t on base. Officers have had time to nurture their relationships prior to their service, before the green weenie tries to break them up.
7. When you get in trouble, the command has your back
Rank has its privileges and officers are often given the benefit of the doubt or a slap on the wrist. If you receive the same courtesy, you’re in danger of promotion.
One would think that without a security clearance, the Director of Naval Intelligence would lose his job. In the case of Navy Vice Adm. Ted Branch, that didn’t happen.
Branch was caught on the periphery of the “Fat Leonard” scandal, due to his actions while commanding officer of the nuclear-powered aircraft carrier USS Nimitz (CVN 68).
You’ve probably heard of it by now. Numerous Navy officers and individuals tied to a contractor in the Far East have been indicted for all sorts of charges, including retired Navy Rear Adm. Bruce Loveless, whose indictment was unsealed on March 14, according to a Defense News report.
Branch had his security clearance suspended in 2013, months after he became Director of Naval Intelligence. A March 2016 report by USNI News noted that then-Secretary of the Navy Ray Mabus discussed the situation with the Senate Armed Services Committee in a hearing.
“When I was informed in late 2013 that Adm. Branch was possibly connected to the GDMA case, I thought because of his position I should remove his clearance in an excess of caution. I was also told — assured — at that time that a decision would be made in a very short time — in a matter of weeks, I was told — as to whether he was involved and what would be the disposition of the case,” Mabus explained to Senator Joni Earnst (R-IA).
Branch’s situation had languished for almost two and a half years at that point.
“Naval intelligence is OK. The whole situation is less than optimal and frustrating, but we are where we are,” he told Military.com in Feb. 2016. “And we will persevere. And I will lead in this capacity until somebody tells me to go home.”
Branch retired on Oct. 1, 2016, upon the confirmation of his successor, Vice Adm. Jan Tighe.
During Branch’s time as captain of the Nimitz, the 10-part PBS documentary series “Carrier” was film on the vessel. The series was produced by Mel Gibson’s Icon Productions, the same company that did the Oscar-winning film “Hacksaw Ridge.”
This is the party your first sergeant had nightmares about.
And yet, “Office Christmas Party” was exactly what I asked Santa for this year: it was funny and festive all the way down to Rudolph the Red-Nose pasty on some background actor’s left boob.
The throwaway lines were so fantastic I almost didn’t want to laugh — lest I miss something — but I did laugh. I “ho ho ho’d” the whole way through.
Jennifer Anniston plays the Grinch-like CEO of Zenotek, who threatens to close down the branch run by her brother (played by T.J. Miller, who may have actually been Cindy Lou Who in a previous life).
Miller enlists his earnest Chief Technical Officer (Jason Bateman) and my new girl crush Olivia Munn to host an epic office Christmas party in a last-ditch effort to impress a potential client and save the branch.
We’ve seen Anniston, Miller, and Bateman play these roles before — and they’re perfectly good at them — but let’s talk about the true heroes of this film, starting with Kate McKinnon, the HR rep fighting a long, uphill battle.
McKinnon’s ability to steal a scene with but a wink is something I’ll never tire of. She is precious, especially in her non-denominational holiday sweater. Be sure to stick around for her bloopers during the credits and check out her bonus material on the film’s Facebook page.
Veep’s Sam Richardson turns it up when he rocks the DJ booth; he nails unassuming characters with the precision of a SEAL sniper and I never want to go to a party without his “fwam fwam fwam” again.
Then there’s Jillian Bell, perhaps best known for “Workaholics,” whose portrayal of a pimp almost makes me want to become a pimp. She definitely has me rethinking whether I should indeed take that open-carry course…
All in all, this film everything one could want from the holidays: mayhem, familial arguments with a “tap out rule,” and a killer party playlist.
Now let’s go make like a Christmas tree and get lit!
The myth states that when hearing 153.0 Hz at a thunderous volume, your guts will shake to the point where you can’t control your bowels. Jaime Hyneman and Adam Savage of “MythBusters” busted this all the way back in 2005.
Savage, who conducted the test, felt the long waves vibrating through him and it felt awkward. Yet, the show concludes that a sound alone couldn’t make you crap your pants.
“Even with the help of some of the world’s best audio technicians, the MythBusters just couldn’t produce the brown note,” concludes the narrator, Robert Lee.
There is no way to literally shake the sh*t out of you with sound. That we know of.
However, this isn’t the only time anyone conceived of and developed sound as a weapon.
The use of sound weapons has been a concept that has been in development stage since 1944. Currently, the military and law enforcement both use the Long Range Acoustic Device (LRAD). The LRAD is a non-lethal loud speaker that works more as a mass notification system than a weapon.
Sound has more of a psychological effect than physical. Instead of a specific frequency, it’s songs that have a long history in psychological warfare.
In the Vietnam War, troops played “Ghost Tape Number Ten.” They would blast it from helicopters and loudspeakers at the dead of night in deep in the jungle. The tape played funeral music and heavy-distorted voices that sound like ghosts.
In Vietnamese, the “ghost” would say eerie things such as “My friend, I come back to tell you I am dead,” and “Go home, my friend, before it’s too late.”
Captain America is everything you want. He is everything you need. Cap is everything inside of you that you wish you could be. He says all the right things at exactly the right time. But he is annoying as f*ck and you will soon know why.
Having a charismatic officer with sound judgment and the physical prowess to match is the dream of most any enlisted person, but if that leader was Captain America, the fantasy wouldn’t match reality.
1. His enforcement of AR 670-1 — while wearing his tights.
Cap believes in rules and regulations and he expects you to do the same while enforcing the standards among your peers — except he’s not your peer and that haircut with those clown tights are not authorized under AR 670-1.
Also, what’s with his uniform’s design? Is he Captain America or Captain Puerto Rico?
2. The PT… Embarrassing.
Rogers can run a mile in 73 seconds, bench press 1200 pounds, and is invulnerable to fatigue… so, this would suck.
3. His aversion to cursing.
Every f*cking soldier, Marine, airman, and sailor is a big-f*cking-fan of some casual, godd*mn expletives.
So, this f*cking boy scout with his sh*tty sense of propriety would drive you up the f*cking wall.
4. Drinking with him would be expensive and dumb.
Say you get back from some nutso, Avengers-esque deployment and you want to celebrate the victory with your fearless leader.
No can do — this guy physically cannot get drunk. Buy as many shots as you want, it’ll be for nothing except your own alcohol poisoning.
5. Zero weapons training.
Cap doesn’t like guns for whatever reason. Your range time would be dramatically cut short in favor of throwing around trash can lids.
Officers, medical staff, and interpreters are a few of the high-value targets that enemy forces focus on first while in a war zone. But the enemy also has their crosshairs on another professional that’s excellent at sniffing out homemade bombs: military working dogs.
Over 1,600 dogs train and serve alongside our brave troops, adept at hunting down the nasty ingredients used to produce those dangerous IEDs. Despite the serious nature of their mission, military working dogs are the subject of some of the funniest memes ever created.
After this Marine officer was humiliated in front of his superiors by a seasoned gunny, Powers decided to get out of the Corps and become a criminal — then just went totally grey.
He teamed up with a computer hacker and highjacked a train to use as a mobile headquarters to take control of a destructive U.S. satellite. Unfortunately for him, Powers ran into a former chef and Navy SEAL named Casy Ryback who was on vacation with his niece. How about those odds.
They duked it out in a narrow kitchen, and Ryback eventually broke his neck, killing him instantly.
Tough break. Get it? Tough break.
This dive bar musician-turned-Marine was so motivated that he was recruited into an android program that has nothing to do with smartphones. The government turned him into a freakin’ android soldier and released him on a “Solo” mission to Latin America to destroy some local rebels.
Nowadays, Stitch pops up here and there but mainly stays behind the scenes.
Remember the guy in the squad who most reassembled a twig? That’s him. He didn’t do much after faking his own death to get out of the Marines.
Legend has it that he developed a nasty skin infection and began to murder teenagers near a theater during a horror movie marathon — but that can’t be right.
After serving three decades in the Corps, chronic laryngitis forced gunny to retire — but not for long. He stumbled upon a job in the secret service and spoiled a plot to kill the president.
What a guy!
Gunny continued life in law enforcement for a few more years before actually retiring to a small house with his beloved Gran Torino.
Too bad he had a problem with a local Asian gang. Gunny was shot several times after pulling out his “hand pistol” from inside of his jacket.
He recovered “like it ain’t shit” because a couple of bullets isn’t going to stop Gunny Highway. No f*cking way! Now you can see him hanging around the baseball field spotting players who have trouble with curveballs.
Grunts like to joke about how awesome it is to engage the enemy. However, the act tends to create various, collateral issues.
2. “If you’re good at Call of Duty, you shouldn’t have a problem during a firefight.”
No matter how good you are at any game or how well you’re trained, nothing can truly prepare you for the vigors of a real firefight.
What the f*ck did you just say?
3. “I bet it feels weird as hell to get blown up.”
Troops continuously think about getting wounded during their service. However, it isn’t a fun thing to have swimming around your mind, and it definitely isn’t something you want to think about while on leave.
No sh*t, Sherlock.
4. “I wanted to join the military, but I went to college instead.”
Even if they’re kidding around, you should consider backhanding whoever makes a dumb comment like that.
5. “What’s the first thing you’re going to do when you run into a bad guy?”
No one can predict jacksh*t. Although running into a hostile is a possibility, your training will help you decide on a specific course of action when the situation presents itself.
6. “Dude, aren’t you nervous you’ll come back with, like, PTSD or something?”