7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked - We Are The Mighty
Humor

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

The scariest thing about joining the military is coming face-to-face with a legendary drill sergeant or, if you’re in the Marine Corps, drill instructor.


DIs tend to viciously yell, violently jump around, and throw your sh*t all over the place to get inside your mind and train you up to be a solid, enduring troop.

On several occasions, Hollywood has attempted to highlight the traits of an excellent drill sergeant on the big screen — many of these portrayals were, admittedly, pretty bad. However, they have managed to recreate the drill sergeant’s intensity and grim sense of humor a handful of times.

Related: 7 female TV detectives who’d make badass drill instructors

1. Maj. Benson Winifred Payne (Major Payne)

Technically, this character wasn’t a drill instructor, but he did train a group of misfit teens at a military academy. Payne’s training regiment wasn’t considered dull by any means; he managed to whip his recruits into ship-shape.

2. Sergeant. 1st Class Hulka (Stripes)

If you can train two future-Ghostbusters into soldiers, there isn’t a whole lot you can’t accomplish. Although he was injured during training, he must have left a stain on his crazy recruits’ minds, because they did graduate using the good ol’ razzle-dazzle.

3. Drill Sergeant (Forrest Gump)

This straight-talking drill sergeant got right up in Forrest’s face, spoke to him like a Soldier, and trained him up to be a future Medal of Honor recipient. Although this badass barely had any screen time, he made his presence widely known.

4. Staff Sgt. Fitch (Jarhead)

This on-screen badass used his outside voice and sported a trim, Marine mustache. His menacing demeanor and his ability to effectively use a chalkboard as a recruit head-catching device was pretty impressive.

5. Gunnery Sgt. Jim Moore (The D.I.)

Directed by and starring Jack Webb, The D.I. was centered around Gunnery Sgt. Jim Moore, a hardcore drill instructor that did everything in his power to train his recruits to be the best even when they didn’t believe in themselves, insulting them and comparing them to his 100-year-old grandma all along the way.

6. Gunnery Sgt. Emil Foley (An Officer and a Gentleman)

This badass drill instructor has no problem beating the sh*t out of his OCS students like they used to do back in the day. His strategy for producing the best naval officers is to break the weak and graduate the strong — an awesome tactic.

Also Read: 6 times Gunny Hartman was guilty of hazing

7. Gunnery Sergeant. Hartman (Full Metal Jacket)

Portrayed by real-life former drill instructor R. Lee Ermey, Gunnery Sgt. Hartman was fueled by real experiences from training young recruits. That authenticity is what ranks Hartman at the top of this list of DIs to hit the big screen.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

(Warner Brothers’ Full Metal Jacket)

Humor

11 Army memes that will keep you laughing for hours

Our military humor is dark, and we have plenty of it.


Although we continually bark jokes at our rivals branches, it’s all in good fun — and we don’t want it to stop.

That said, here are eleven memes for our brothers and sisters who claim the title of “soldier.”

Related: 9 military photos that will make you do a double take

11. “But the Marines took a lot of little islands!”

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

10. Accept who you are.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
And don’t run from it, because you can’t.

9. There’s some disagreement about where the Army’s pit of misery is.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
Welcome to hell!

8. Guess how I know it’s not Fort Bragg. (via US Army WTF Moments)

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

7. Holy sh*t! Behold, the original drill sergeant. (via U.S. Army WTF Moments)

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
May the knife hand grace the faces of all those who follow your words.

Check Out: 13 of the worst tattoos in the military

6. No matter what the Facebook argument is, keep that ace ready to go.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
Some talk the talk, few walk the walk.

5. Meanwhile, over at Big Army… (via Decelerate your Life)

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
Your life officially starts now. It’s all downhill from here.

4. Larger casualty radius but you’ve got to throw a lot more of them for 360-degrees of effects (via Air Force amn/nco/snco).

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
P320 out!

3. I mean, PT belts do prevent pregnancy… (via Weapons of Meme Destruction).

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
Well, that’s what my platoon medic said anyway.

Also Read: 11 memes that are way too real for every Corpsman

2. Stop playing Sergeant White, we all know we’re basically your personal dwarves (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting).

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
Moral of the story: Never believe any order you hear until you actually see them in action.

1. Someone’s NCO, battle buddies, and common sense have failed them (via The Salty Soldier).

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
Hopefully, you’ll get there soon… One day.

Humor

7 types of people you meet in a deployed ‘tent city’

You’ll never get a more true-to-life snapshot of the other branches than the one you get when you begin your deployment. Everyone from every branch (and occasionally every allied nation) is crammed in together in a transient barracks — also known as a “tent city.”

It doesn’t matter what type of unit you’re in, everyone gets put in the same tents and the results are hilarious. Here’s who you’ll meet in these temporary towns.


7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

If you’re at a level where someone might accuse you of Stolen Valor while you’re deployed in Afghanistan, you might be a hyper-POG.

(Meme via /r/Army)

The Hyper-POG

There’s no shame in claiming an MOS that doesn’t operate on the front lines. Your mission is just different and you’re out there doing your part, too. The playful rivalry between grunts and non-grunts is a good thing — a little banter back and forth between infantrymen and their radio operators is fun.

And then there’re the troops that give the rest of the POGs a bad name. These guys use rolling suitcases instead of duffel bags. They get upset that they’re made to drink Green Beans Coffee instead of enjoying Starbucks. They look they haven’t done PT since they left Basic. The list goes on…

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

Don’t expect much from the people who’ve turned their “however-long and a wake up” into just “a wake up.”

(Photo by Cpl. Darien J. Bjorndal)

The tired grunts

These transient barracks are used for both incoming personnel and for outbound troops who are more than ready to get the hell out of there.

These grunts just did their time, maybe got extended, and are this close to going home. They are completely out of f*cks to give. Honestly, it’s probably best not to mess with these guys. They’re likely contemplating mugging the Hyper-POGs who suffered through a “two-beer limit” at Manas Air Base.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

It’s usually the tired grunts that spread all the hilarious lies.

(U.S. Marine Corps)

The gullible boots

These guys aren’t just the lower enlisted who’ve spent about two days in the military. This category includes anyone who acts like a boot moments before their first deployment. And man, are they fun to mess with.

They’ll ask the dumbest questions. This is when people first hear about the dreaded combat drop and how terrifying camel spiders truly are. To all you gullible folks out there, remember to take these stories with a grain of salt.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

Or when Cav Scouts take their stetsons to Afghanistan and wonder why everyone is on their ass for bringing it.

(Photo by Sgt. Richard Sherba)

The “kinda-but-not-actually-a-regulation” standard bearer

The military is filled with regulations. No doubt about that. If one NCO catches a lower enlisted doing something outside of regs, like walking around with their uniform jacked up, they have every right to call them out.

That being said, every unit is different and plays by different rules when it comes to the little things. One unit may not give a damn if you walk to the showers in sandals while others might. It only becomes a problem when units collide and suddenly you’re getting grilled for doing something the way you always have.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

If you thought our POGs were kept to a lower standard…

(Photo by Staff Sgt. Sean K. Harp)

The foreign ally with no professional standard

America’s allies also bunk up with our troops in tent cities. The standard bearer is probably losing their sh*t over how things are done by foreign troops.

For example, I’ve witnessed a foreign ally misplace not one, not two, but three grenades and their assigned weapon in Afghanistan. This was addressed with a casual, “meh, it happens.” Meanwhile, every American troop there just looked on in amazement as EOD got involved.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

If you smell like a burn pit but have never even seen one… Take the hint.

(Photo by Cpl. Alfred V. Lopez)

The American with no hygeinic standard

Now, let’s not pretend American troops are without fault. This one goes out to every single one of the nasty motherf*ckers who thinks that showering is optional. I’d like to express this from the bottom of my heart — not just for me, but for everyone who has ever shared a tent with you: f*ck you.

If this guy doesn’t care enough to stay clean for the single week while in transit, then they’re probably not going to stay clean for the next 12 months they’ll spend with their unit.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

Their beards make us even more envious…

(Photo by Senior Airman Cierra Presentado)

The contractor who won at life

Want to know who everyone really envies on a deployment? The contractors that are out there doing nearly the same mission as most troops, only for a sh*t-ton more money and countless other benefits.

You can’t even be mad at the contractors. Most of them are vets who’ve transitioned from active duty to contractor life. More than likely, they’re also probably the happiest people out there. I mean, hell, every vet says they’d kill to go back and these guys are making bank doing it.

Humor

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of Oct. 6

A lot happens in a week. Lately it seems like a lot more happens in a week than usual. Every day seems more eventful than the last. So be ready for anything.


You know what you should really get ready for? Memes. More specifically, military memes.

Even more specifically, these military memes.

Have a good weekend.

1. God – the original drill instructor. (via U.S. Army WTF Moments)

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

2. Now we can stop questioning each other’s patriotism.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
For about a week.

3. No matter what the Facebook argument is, keep that ace ready to go.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
But this will open up a whole new can of worms if you do it to another vet.

4. Airmen: just own it.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
The Air Force does its combatives at 300 mph behind a GAU-8 Avenger.

5. “Mr. A-10, we’re surrounded and need to break out.”

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

6. The Air Force underappreciated until you need them.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
You better to pray to St. Mattis that it’s forthcoming.

7. Meanwhile, over at Big Army… (via Decelerate your Life)

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
When you need an extraction but can’t get one unless you stay put.

8. Better than a high school reunion:

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
It might be past its sell-by date, but should still do the trick.

9. This is amazing foresight:

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
Now he can stay up all night on watch.

10. The Guard is the Guard is the Guard (via Coast Guard Memes):

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
Apparently.

11. His PFT score was AMAZING:

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
He also has more college credit than you.

12. Here’s a chance to use those Air Force combat training moves.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
Unless one of them is in JROTC.

13. Did you volunteer for anything this weekend?

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

 

Hey! All this without mentioning Dakota Meyer or Dan Bilzerian. That’s how it’s done. See you next week.

Humor

6 tips to get a ‘sick in quarters’ chit in the military

Sometimes you just feel a little under the weather and are looking for that extra day off. Everyone experiences it and you’re no different. But hey, take if from a “doc” who’s heard every excuse in the book. Here are some surefire ways to get yourself that 24-hour “Sick in Quarters” chit that says “no duty for me, and I’m going home.”


Here’s a few ways you can get sent home as sick in quarters  — on your own terms.

1. Food Poisoning

Sounds bad right? Because it is bad.

Telling the medical personnel you ate sushi the night before (even if you didn’t) and you’ve been vomiting ever since is gold. Don’t forget to tell them you’re unable to hold down water.

They may conduct a “water challenge” which is when they monitor you to see if you can hold down a glass of water. They won’t tell you what they’re doing because they’re camouflaging the test. Spit it up onto the floor, or into a trash can, never in he sink. You want them to see the evidence.

Since there’s no real medical test for this, it’ll probably get labeled in your medical record as a case of gastroenteritis, which is a fancy word for stomach ache.

2. More Than 5 Days

Five days is typically the baseline where doctors believe your aliments may be bacteriological instead of viral — even without a fever. This is a huge tally in your win column. Once the medical professionals begin talking about giving you antibiotics, which they rarely do, hold the smile back when they put you on a five day Z-pak instead of a cold pack.

Letting you go back on duty and risk getting others sick makes more work for them. So away you go!

3. A History of…

Doctors have to be detectives ruling out the worst possible medical condition first, but they only know what you tell them.

Be careful of what you say and how you say it, you could be looking at a full day in medical getting blood work and x-rays. Your chances of going home early could be over.

4. Cough During Auscultation

Auscultation is the act of listening to sounds your heart, lungs, and other organs make using a stethoscope to diagnosis pulmonary and cardiac conditions. Here’s a common trick. Deliver a nice wet cough when the doctor puts the diaphragm of the stethoscope on your back and tells you to take a breath deep in. Timing is key. Deep breathes tend to trigger coughing.

Also note that you should dramatically clear your throat when left alone in the patient’s room. The medical staff can totally hear you from outside.

5. Have A Battle Buddy

You’re feeling so ill you can’t make it to medical alone. That’s a shame. Having a witness to testify on your behalf how sick you are is an incredible asset to have. Just remember, you now own him or her big time.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
Imagine that!

6. No partying for you

Now that you’ve got your SIQ chit. Get out of there and go home before the doc changes his mind.

Some quick words of advice. People are haters, and the military community is small. You get caught at the bar, mall, or strip club on your newly earned day off, you could be in a world of hurt as your new assigned place of duty is now where ever you call home.

Can you think of any others? Comment below.
Articles

7 tips for getting away with fraternization

So, you’ve got a fever and the only cure is a consensual adult relationship that violates the Uniform Code of Military Justice? It happens.


And by the way, it can happen among friends, but for this article, we’re going to talk about sexual or romantic relationships.

Related video:

Paraphrasing here from the Manual for Courts Martial: Fraternization in the military is a personal relationship between an officer and an enlisted member that violates the customary bounds of acceptable behavior and jeopardizes good order and discipline.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

That’s a mouthful, but it boils down to the intent of guidelines for any relationship among professionals: The appearance of favoritism hurts the group, and, with the military in particular, could actually get someone killed.

Also read: 13 Hilarious Meme Replies To Our Article About Dating On Navy Ships

But we’re only human, right? It’s natural to fall for someone you work with, so here are a couple of tips that can help keep you out of Leavenworth:

1. Don’t do it

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

Seriously. Cut it off when you first start to feel the butterflies-slash-burning-in-your-loins. Flirting is a rush and it’s fun and NO.

Hit the gym. Take a break. Swipe right on Tinder. Do whatever you have to do to nip it in the bud before it gets out of control.

2. Be discreet

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

Okay, fine, you’re going for it anyway. We’ve all been there (nervous laughter…).

People are more intuitive than you think. Don’t give them any reason to suspect you and your illicit goings-on. Be completely professional at work. Don’t flirt in the office. Don’t send sweet nothings over government e-mail (yes, it is being monitored).

3. Keep it off-base

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

Don’t be stupid, okay? Get away from the watchful eyes all the people around you who live and breathe military regulations.

4. Square away

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

The thing about military punishment is that you are usually judged by your commander first. If you do get caught, you want people to really regret the idea of punishing you.

Be amazing at your job — better yet, be the best at your job. Be irreplaceable. Be a leader and a team player and a bad ass. Set the example with your physical fitness and your marksmanship and your ability to destroy terrorism.

Be beloved by all and you just might get away with a slap on the wrist…

5. Plausible deniability

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

I would never tell you to lie because integrity and honor are all totes important and stuff, but…

If lawyers can’t prove beyond reasonable doubt that you were actually engaged in criminal activity, you could be spared from a conviction.

Maybe it was just a coincidence that you both happened to be volunteering at the same time. It was for the orphans…

How could you have known that you both like to spend Christmas in Hawaii?

It’s not your fault Sgt. Hottie wanted to attend a concert in the same town where your parents live, right?

6. Talk it out

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

If you can’t have a mature conversation with this person about how to conduct yourselves in the workplace or how you’d each face the consequences of being discovered, you really shouldn’t be getting it on.

You are both risking your careers and livelihoods because of this relationship — don’t take it lightly.

And whatever you do, treat each other with honesty and respect — you’re all you have right now.

7. Don’t go to the danger zone

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

I know you know this, but here’s the thing: REALLY DON’T DO IT (PUN INTENDED) WHILE IN A COMBAT ZONE.

This is life and death. Remind yourself why you chose to serve your country. Pay attention to the men and women around you who trust you and rely on you to protect them.

LOCK IT UP. You’re a warrior and you have discipline.

Did we leave anything out? Leave a comment and let us know.

Articles

13 funniest military memes for the week of March 3

Military memes are some of the best things on the internet. Here are some of the best military memes available.


1. Every military career should have a deadpan narrator (via Pop smoke).

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
Also, things are almost never good. They are sometimes rewarding, but very rarely good.

2. None given, none expected (via Sh-t my LPO says).

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
Now we want to know what that code means.

3. Everyone should bring a friend with three years remaining when they go to meet the career counselor (via The Salty Soldier).

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

ALSO SEE: Watch China launch planes from its only aircraft carrier

4. Ummm, families, you’ve been sent a template. You’re supposed to put your soldier’s rank, their last name, and their first name (via The Salty Soldier).

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

5. Getting punished for Course 15 isn’t a big deal for people already at their personal peak rank (via @texashumor).

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
So keep your Course 15. And 14. And any others you come up with.

6. For reals? Did you take a particularly hard hit on your head this week?

(via Team Non-Rec)

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
Just wait till he reverses the direction on his rifle as well.

7. Think about how apathetic the original terminal lances were when the Marine Corps was much smaller (via Team Non-Rec).

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
That apathy must’ve been more concentrated than the salt in their cammies.

8. Gonna be honest, we would give everything to a properly tuxedoed penguin (via Sh-t my LPO says).

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
Little bow tie and everything.

9. That bar owner is gonna have to work hard to get open in time for lunch chow (via Military Memes).

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

10. “Wait, we’re done? I can leave? Already?”

(via Air Force Nation)

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

11. Yeah, it’s pretty magical (via Air Force Nation).

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
That’s why everyone should buy their own jet.

12. The chipping paint and rust is just seasoning (via Coast Guard Memes).

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
Dropped meat: It’s what’s for dinner.

13. “What? I closed the door and stuff.”

(via Shit my LPO says)

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

Humor

6 memes that immortalize the now-grounded ‘sky dick’ aircrew

Whenever a branch of the armed forces makes it into the news, a sense of dread washes over the troops. Most times, it’s not good news. Maybe a brother or sister in arms fell, or the leadership is accused of misconduct, or, perhaps worst, those we serve with did something devastating.


Not this time. This time, the Navy made international news by drawing a giant penis in the sky over Okanogan, Washington.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
Giant penis? Nah, dude, it’s an Arby’s hat

On one hand, yes, it is understandable that the U.S. Navy would need to react after civilians got the wrong impression of the men and women who protect them.

“The actions of this aircrew are wholly unacceptable and antithetical to Navy core values” said a statement issued on Nov. 17 by NAS Whidbey Island. “We have grounded the aircrew and are conducting a thorough investigation and we will hold those responsible accountable for their actions.”

On the other hand, these patriots took part in a time-honored military tradition of marking the area under the protection of troops. It is a symbol that can be found on tables, port-a-johns, and many walls. It’s as if Batman himself was there to tell the good people of Okanogan that, “It’s okay. The Navy is here. You’re safe.”

If you think about it, the aircrew was just doing their heroic duty.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuc0I4ju2lY

‘Murica! (YouTube, Lunar Temptation)

But yeah. It’s a huge penis. A giant penis made out of the contrail of a E/A-18 Growler.

The aircrew may never fly again (we hope that’s not true, given pilot shortages), but their deeds will never be forgotten. The aircrew and pilots have not been identified, but if they did, the world owes them a beer. These memes are for you, you glorious bastards.

6. Bob Ross would have approved. He was in the military after all.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
(Image via Decelerate your Life)

5. It’s a show of force. It’s America saying we’re going to f*ck them up.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
(Image via Pop smoke)

4. You’ve never been forgotten, sweet prince.

 

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
(Image via Twitter)

3. No one can ever outdo this dick joke. This aircrew won.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
(Image via Pop smoke)

2. Basically, deployments are really about doing operator sh*t and drawing penises everywhere.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
(Image via Facebook)

1. It’s because he was inverted?

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
(Image via Weapons of Meme Destruction)

Articles

Officers and enlistees confess the best and worst about each other


Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher

Historically, the military has relied on clearly defined boundaries of acceptable interaction between the officer and enlisted ranks to maintain good order and discipline.

It is a long-standing custom that dates back hundreds of years and has proven itself effective time after time. But not everyone feels it’s a custom worth holding on to.

“I think there should not be a difference between officer and enlisted ranks,” said former Air Force officer Shannon Corbeil. “I believe we should all reach rank based on experience and accomplishment.”

On the other hand, Chase Millsap — another former officer — believes the military should maintain its course because officers bring leadership experience accomplished through higher learning and training.

Also read: 7 tips for getting away with fraternization

However, Blake Stilwell and Tim Kirkpatrick — two former enlistees — argue that the stupid partying and immatureness is what officers experienced during college.

In this episode of the Mandatory Fun podcast, two former officers and enlistees confess the best and worst about dealing with each other while in active service.

Hosted By:

Blake Stilwell: Air Force veteran and managing editor

Tim Kirkpatrick: Navy veteran and Editorial Coordinator

Orvelin Valle (AKA O.V.): Navy veteran and Podcast Producer

Guests:

Chase Millsap: Army and Marine Corps infantry veteran turned Director of Impact Strategy at We Are The Mighty

Shannon Corbeil: Former Air Force intelligence officer and We Are The Mighty editor

Music licensing by Jingle Punks:

  • Goal Line
  • Heavy Drivers
Humor

8 of the worst duties that still need to get done

When the big green weenie comes for you, it sets out to prove why ‘Enlisted military personnel’ keeps making lists of worst jobs in America. Year, after year, after year, after year. You can keep checking CareerCast and Forbes’ yearly lists. Believe me, it goes beyond 2012.


Troops don’t become salty because of the “long hours and deployments” like the lists claim. They suck it up, buttercup. What really shatters morale are details. But hey! Somebody has to do them, right?

Keep in mind, these aren’t always punishments. They can be, but almost everyone can get slapped with these from time to time.

Related: 9 entertaining ways to discipline your troops

#1. Connex organizing

Imagine having a garage that can never stay clean. Just full of crap that never gets touched except when it gets reorganized months later by the ‘Good Idea Fairy.’

Organizing these before deployment is great. Don’t expect to open it back up in country and anything to be in any kind of order. You know what that means…

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
Your only salvation is praying someone lost the key, the spare key, the master key, and the bolt cutters all in the same day.

#2. Police calls (and other cleaning tasks)

There’s a reason PFC also stands for ‘Perfect Floor Cleaners.’

No matter how many cigarette butts troops pick up through out their career, there will always be more flicked out the window of a car or smothered underfoot and abandoned.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
Behind every cigarette flicked out the window is a non-smoker cringing as they pick it up.

#3. Lay-Outs and Inventories

Just like the connex, most of these things only ever get touched when there’s a new commander signing off on the inventory.

Painstakingly laying out every last piece of equipment takes forever and when you finally make it look like everyone else’s layout, the commander just ends up fudging the hand receipt.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
Which is fine, because you probably lost something anyway.

#4. Kitchen Patrol

(Mostly) gone are the days of skinning potatoes.

Doesn’t make working in the kitchen beside the cooks any less mind-numbing. Afterwards, maybe you’ll show a little empathy next time you want to raise hell because they “wouldn’t give you double servings of bacon just as the dining facility opened up.”

Writer’s note: I am a firm believer that if anyone makes a scene in a dining hall, loses military bearing, and starts cussing out the cooks over a serving size, theys should be sent to the back to work KP, and we should bring back the time-honored tradition/punishment of skinning potatoes.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
War never changes, just as military life never changes.

#5. Urinalysis Observer

If you thought being promoted out of the E-4 mafia meant you’d be safe — think again.

No NCO enjoys standing by and watching troops pee. And if they do, they’re freaking creeps who are the reason we have safety briefs.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

Related: 13 hilarious urinalysis memes every troop will understand

#6. Filling Sand Bags

With everything in the military, there’s a limit to the amount of times you can clean something, organize something, or fine tune something until it’s completed (or needs fixing again).

Not sandbags. Fighting in desert environments means that there is a never ending supply of sandbags to fill. You’d think it’d stop when the bags ran out…but no, it doesn’t work like that.

The supply NCO doesn’t even order the sandbags. The empty bags get pulled out of their ass like tissue paper. The supply NCO then laughs maniacally at the dread of all the lower enlisted.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
Remember back in the day when you made pillow forts? This is something like that. Except not fun.

#7. Burn Pits

Burn pits were used to clear out garbage and human waste in a hurry. Even though more efficient, eco-friendly, and healthier options (for literally everyone in the vicinity) have been more readily available, reports of open air burn pits still exist.

At the expense of sounding like a cheap law firm swarming victims like vultures, if you believe you might have be affected by burn pits, register with the VA at this link here. It’s a very serious health concern and the more veterans that stand up, the more seriously the issue will be taken.

The results should not be inconclusive. If the CDC says five cigarettes a day is unhealthy enough to be a medical concern, spending 12 months with your face in front of plumes of burning human sh*t shouldn’t be seen as less risky than some f*cking dust.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
Sprain your ankle, carry a rucksack, or have a receding hairline because of the military? You can claim it for a percentage. Breathe in burning human sh*t? Drink water and take a knee.

#8. Casualty Notification

There is no contest to what the most painful detail or duty in the military actually is.

Nothing can come close to what kind of heart break and hell the Casualty Notification Officers go through each and every time they walk up the doorway. They must skip the euphemisms like “they passed away.” No. They have to be blunt and straight forward. “Your __ was killed less than four hours ago.”

It’s the most thankless job in the military. No one wants to tell a parent, a spouse, or a child that their hero isn’t coming home. They have to be the ones to break the news. Over and over again.

While you clean the floors, laying out your vehicles kit, or skinning potatoes, just know it could always get worse.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
I’d rather walk 12 miles up any hill than 12 feet up a widow’s driveway.

Articles

This is why the future of motocross is female

Pop quiz, hot shot:

What do gun enthusiasm, maritime rescues, and high-velocity dirt biking have in common?

? ? ? ? ? ? ?

Time’s up.


Those divergent interests all come together in Navy Vet and motocross racer, Jacqueline Carrizosa.

The former Navy gunner’s mate and rescue swimmer is, in post-military life, a rider on the rise in the Western U.S. amateur motocross circuit. And the time it took her to try to teach Oscar Mike host Ryan Curtis to stick one basic jump is, believe us, no reflection on her abilities.

Check out a side-by-side comparison, Ryan v. Jacqueline, leaping the same stretch of track.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked
Ryan (top), floating like a tank. Jacqueline (bottom), flying Navy Air. (Go90 Oscar Mike screenshot)

Yeah. She’s awesome.

As a teenager, Carrizosa had trouble staying on the straight and narrow after her family moved from California to Las Vegas, but she thrived in the Navy, excelling at physically demanding and traditionally male-dominated disciplines.

When things got rocky again after she left active duty, the same approach helped her. She found structure and purpose in highly skilled action sports, specifically motocross. Her advice?

“Establish something that makes you money, you know what I mean? But also keep your soul alive. You gotta follow your heart. I would say 85% heart, 15% brain.”

Jacqueline Carrizosa. WISE.

But it all proved a little too much for Curtis. The motocross badassery, the beauty, the sheer volume of withering sass. A day at the track with Carrizosa hit him right in the feels (understandable).

And so, completely biffing the ratio, he went 100% heart, 0% brains.

7 of the best drill sergeants to ever hit the screen, ranked

You don’t have to imagine how that went over. All you gotta do is watch as Curtis gets his motocross mojo crossed, in the video embedded at the top.

Watch more Oscar Mike:

This Green Beret will make you a mental commando

The Marine Rapper will make you shake your Citizen Rump

This Iraq vet kayaker will make you rethink PTSD

This is what happens when a Navy SEAL becomes an actor

This is what happens when a SEAL helps you with your lady problems

Humor

7 reasons why you’d want ‘Pvt. Pyle’ in your infantry squad

Joker, Cowboy, and Animal Mother are just some of the iconic characters in Stanley Kubrick’s “Full Metal Jacket” that audiences hoped would survive as they maneuvered their way through the dangerous battlegrounds of the Vietnam War.


One character no member of the audience gave a sh*t about, though, was Leonard Lawrence a.k.a. Pvt. Pyle because he was slow, overweight, and ended up murdering his D.I. and blowing his brains out while sitting on a toilet.

Let’s pretend that the murder-suicide never took place and Private Pyle actually went out to the fleet.

Related: 7 life lessons we learned from watching ‘Full Metal Jacket’

Check out these reasons why it would be a solid idea to have Pvt. Pyle assigned your infantry squad:

1. He’d be great to have during morning PT…if you’re hungover

Formation runs only go as fast as the slowest man. Since Pvt. Pyle was no marathon runner, the multi-mile runs would be at a pretty slow pace.

Monday morning PT would be a breeze. (Image via Giphy)

2. Everyone would look sh*t hot compared to him

He’s a f*ck up, so having him around would make everyone else look like rock stars.

Look at his silly smile. (Image via Giphy)

3. He’s actually a good shot

Even the drill instructor said so.

Having accurate trigger pullers on the battlefield is a huge advantage.

Foreshadowing. (Image via Giphy)

4. You would always have someone you can trick into standing your duty

Who could we get to stand fire-watch around the barracks on Christmas Day? Answer: Pvt. Pyle.

I wonder what he was thinking. (Image via Giphy)

5. He’d always have good snacks on deployment

If he can sneak a jelly donut into the squad bay, we’re sure he’d be able to get much more than that through customs.

To be fair, jelly donuts are delicious. (Image via Giphy)

6. You wouldn’t be the last one to finish anything

Pyle would be the last if he even finished anything he started.

You would literally never finish last. (Image via Giphy)

Also Read: A Marine explains why people love the film ‘Full Metal Jacket’ so much

7. You’d watch him and learn from his mistakes

His form is way off.

That obstacle isn’t easy for anyone. (Image via Giphy)Can you think of any others? Comment below.

Humor

This famous bridge adds an Army LMTV to its list of kills

Right off North Carolina Highway 147 in Durham sits a relic of older railroad overpass regulations. The 78-year old bridge that runs along South Gregson Street has a clearance of only 11 feet 8 inches. It has become known across the internet as “The Can-Opener Bridge” because of the astounding number of overconfident truck drivers who think they can squeeze their vehicle under it. Recently, the bridge claimed its 130th victim: an Army LMTV.


Local truck drivers know to avoid the overpass, so nearly every vehicle that gets clipped is either a rental or from out-of-state. The costs of raising the railroad tracks would be astronomical and the city’s main sewer line runs underneath, meaning lowering the road is impossible.

Thankfully, to date, there have been no fatalities and only three minor injuries. The city of Durham is content to plaster the area with a ridiculous amount of warnings to drivers, including a traffic light and gigantic, flashing sign that triggers if a height sensor is tripped. But all of these cautions don’t deter idiots drivers who aren’t willing to take a short detour.

To be completely honest, I don’t think they even want to fix it because it’s too funny.

 

So, what’s a city to do that has a hilarious problem that only affects morons who obviously don’t know their vehicle and fail to acknowledge the many signals? Put up a 24/7 webcam and create an internet attraction, obviously!

The most recent addition to the bridge’s long list of victims is a U.S. Army LMTV from an undisclosed unit. Many sites have erroneously claimed that the truck was carrying some “top secret device that needed to be covered” when it hit the bridge. In actuality, it was just a regular ol’ weapon mount that’s kept covered as not to freak out civilians. The driver of the vehicle has also not been named, but the Private (or soon-to-be-Private) is definitely never going to live this one down.

 

 
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