There are definitely differences between the branches of the military, which allow for healthy rivalries, but at the end of the day, serving in the military
is a mindf*ck we all endured gives troops common ground based on similar experiences. That’s why you don’t have to be a Marine to appreciate the wry and insightful humor of Terminal Lance.
Created by Lance Corporal Maximilian Uriarte, Terminal Lance “pokes fun at the Marine Corps” from a grunt’s point of view. He focuses on his own experiences and observations from his time in the Marines, but vets from any branch can relate to the scenarios depicted (think getting ripped apart by your command, how a reveille wake-up call feels, or being hungover at morning PT).
And it’s spot on.
(Although every now and again, they fly right over this airman’s head. Please never tell me if you guys kill turtles at Twentynine Palms…)
Without further ado, here are my ten favorites from 2017:
10. “Fly Hard”
I can’t get enough sky dick. Thank you for keeping it alive, Max.
Mattis, you’re our only hope.
Recruiters never really tell you that you could end up stationed in a sh*thole for four years, but there are ways around it.
I was undoubtedly that officer. #sorrynotsorry
Come on, America. We can do better.
I just want “Wagner Loves the Cock. Stay Woke.” on a t-shirt.
4. “New Joins”
Time to go full metal b*tch on that Blue Ribbon…
3. “Grass Week”
“Soon” made me lol, but this is funny because it’s so true. We were doing Soviet-defense training when we should have been concentrating on guerrilla tactics and asymmetrical warfare and it always pissed me right off.
Whew! Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.
Too many military leaders are dead inside. This one hurts.
Drill instructors made me laugh — and then I got in trouble for laughing and they’d say more funny sh*t and I’d laugh and get in trouble and it went on like that until I graduated. I don’t know how they come up with the insane vitriol that they do, but I love it and I commend them.
Especially you, Technical Sergeant Gamble… wherever you are…
Check out Terminal Lance (if you somehow haven’t already?) — you can start right here with one of Max’s all-time favorites.
Let me know your favorites in the comments.