Top 10 'Terminal Lance' comics from 2017 - We Are The Mighty
Humor

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

There are definitely differences between the branches of the military, which allow for healthy rivalries, but at the end of the day, serving in the military is a mindf*ck we all endured gives troops common ground based on similar experiences. That’s why you don’t have to be a Marine to appreciate the wry and insightful humor of Terminal Lance.


Created by Lance Corporal Maximilian Uriarte, Terminal Lance “pokes fun at the Marine Corps” from a grunt’s point of view. He focuses on his own experiences and observations from his time in the Marines, but vets from any branch can relate to the scenarios depicted (think getting ripped apart by your command, how a reveille wake-up call feels, or being hungover at morning PT).

And it’s spot on.

(Although every now and again, they fly right over this airman’s head. Please never tell me if you guys kill turtles at Twentynine Palms…)

Without further ado, here are my ten favorites from 2017:

10. “Fly Hard”

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

I can’t get enough sky dick. Thank you for keeping it alive, Max.

9. “Secret Weapon”

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

Mattis, you’re our only hope.

8. “Permanent Changes”

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

Recruiters never really tell you that you could end up stationed in a sh*thole for four years, but there are ways around it.

7. “The Babysitter’s Club II”

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

I was undoubtedly that officer. #sorrynotsorry

6. “Throwback Thursday”

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

Come on, America. We can do better.

5. “Happy Easter 2017”

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

I just want “Wagner Loves the Cock. Stay Woke.” on a t-shirt.

4. “New Joins”

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

Time to go full metal b*tch on that Blue Ribbon…

3. “Grass Week” 

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

“Soon” made me lol, but this is funny because it’s so true. We were doing Soviet-defense training when we should have been concentrating on guerrilla tactics and asymmetrical warfare and it always pissed me right off.

Whew! Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

2. “You’re a Mean One II” 

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

Too many military leaders are dead inside. This one hurts.

1. “Drill Instructor Academy”

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

Drill instructors made me laugh — and then I got in trouble for laughing and they’d say more funny sh*t and I’d laugh and get in trouble and it went on like that until I graduated. I don’t know how they come up with the insane vitriol that they do, but I love it and I commend them.

Especially you, Technical Sergeant Gamble… wherever you are…

Check out Terminal Lance (if you somehow haven’t already?) — you can start right here with one of Max’s all-time favorites.

Let me know your favorites in the comments.

Humor

7 types of riflemen you’ll meet in your first platoon

Considered the backbone of the infantry, the Marine MOS of “0311” has been kicking in the enemy’s doors and striking fear into their hearts for decades.


Although the training required by the hardcore occupation is demanding, when you join your first platoon, you’ll encounter some of the world’s most interesting people.

Here are just a few types of Devil Dog you’ll meet.

Related: 6 types of enlisted ‘docs’ you’ll meet at sick call

1. The one who has something to prove

This guy didn’t have the most comfortable time in high school. They probably weren’t the star football player or wrestler, but they’ve got an enormous heart. They joined the Corps to prove something to themselves and those around them.

Deep down, we’re all this person.

2. The Marine who wants to make the Corps a career

In the beginning, this Marine doesn’t see himself embarking on any other career path. They are hard chargers who believe in the Corps’ mission down to their very bones.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
This Marine rifleman conducts a training exercise prepping him for deployment.

3. The one who is “testing the waters”

This young stud isn’t sure what he or she wants out of life, they just know that they need to move out of their hometown and see what else is out there. The may find themselves during their service — or they may not.

4. The most in-shape Marine ever

This PT guru is always at the gym or running up 5th Marine Regiment’s First Sergeant’s Hill during their free time. However, they always invite their brothers to join in and continuously motivate everyone to press on.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
This Marine almost completes his rep during a single-arm preacher curl at one of the 56 fitness centers the Corps provides.

5. The one who dreams of going to Special Forces

An outstanding, motivated Marine always achieves their goals. Many Marines want to push themselves to find and test their limits. What better way to test your limits than by joining up with MARSOC?

6. The tech genius

This smarty-pants is the one who will surprise you with how intelligent they are outside of work. They might not be able to split an atom or some sh*t, but they might be able to re-hardwire your computer so you can download more porn.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
This Marine developed armor with a package of clottings agent and painkillers installed inside the protective shield.

Also Read: 8 things a boot lieutenant should never say

7. The one with the drunken split personality

This Marine is the most helpful guy in your platoon… when they’re sober. But, after a few 6-packs, they become the biggest pricks and damn near intolerable. A lot of these Marines end up getting choked out MCMAP-style just to shut them up.

Articles

Why the ‘brown note’ is complete BS for riot control

The brown note. The ultimate in non-lethal riot control devices.  A single blast could incapacitate assailants, leaving them vomiting or defecating all over themselves.


Protesters around the world have reported that they soiled themselves because of it. There was even an episode of South Park dedicated to this sound.

Except it was total bull sh*t.

Pun intended? (Image via GIPHY)

The myth states that when hearing 153.0 Hz at a thunderous volume, your guts will shake to the point where you can’t control your bowels. Jaime Hyneman and Adam Savage of “MythBusters” busted this all the way back in 2005.

Savage, who conducted the test, felt the long waves vibrating through him and it felt awkward. Yet, the show concludes that a sound alone couldn’t make you crap your pants.

“Even with the help of some of the world’s best audio technicians, the MythBusters just couldn’t produce the brown note,” concludes the narrator, Robert Lee.

There is no way to literally shake the sh*t out of you with sound. That we know of.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
(Screengrab via YouTube )

However, this isn’t the only time anyone conceived of and developed sound as a weapon.

The use of sound weapons has been a concept that has been in development stage since 1944. Currently, the military and law enforcement both use the Long Range Acoustic Device (LRAD). The LRAD is a non-lethal loud speaker that works more as a mass notification system than a weapon.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Yeah. That’ll amplify a bit. (U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communications 3rd Class David A. Cox)

Sound has more of a psychological effect than physical. Instead of a specific frequency, it’s songs that have a long history in psychological warfare.

Related: Listen to the playlist that ousted Panamanian dictator Manuel Noriega

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

In the Vietnam War, troops played “Ghost Tape Number Ten.” They would blast it from helicopters and loudspeakers at the dead of night in deep in the jungle. The tape played funeral music and heavy-distorted voices that sound like ghosts.

In Vietnamese, the “ghost” would say eerie things such as “My friend, I come back to tell you I am dead,” and “Go home, my friend, before it’s too late.”

RELATED: That time US Soldiers pretended to be vampires and ghosts to scare the hell out of the enemy.

Watch “MythBusters” break down why the brown note just doesn’t work:

(skateboardforev, Youtube)

Humor

Our 10 favorite April Fools’ memes

It’s a holiday that dates back hundreds of years. As France switched to the modern Gregorian calendar in 1563, not everyone got the memo. Those who didn’t change systems in a timely manner celebrated the New Year, as they didn’t know it’d been changed to January 1. These people were called “April fools,” who were often marked with placing a paper fish on their back. This symbolized “an easily caught fish” and were also called “April fish.” The former stuck and turned into an entire day for pranks and jokes. 

At least, that’s how one set of historical records tell us about the holiday’s past. 

Love or hate this controversial holiday, it’s happening all-the-same. Be sure to put your thinking cap on before leaving the house this upcoming Wednesday and question all who cross your path. Or better yet, just work from home if at all possible. 

In the meantime, here are some of our favorite April Fools memes:  

  1. First off, get the date straight
Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

Keep your game face on all day long. 

2. Or better yet, this face

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

We’ll call this “skeptical face.” 

3. And this line of thinking

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

Even logical statements are not to be trusted.

4. Have pity for those whose jokes just don’t land

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

Bless their hearts.

5. Mean jokes are the worst

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

But that won’t stop anyone from thinking they are funny.

6. And good luck to those joke haters out there

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

Just smile and nod.

7. Remember it’s also a real day with real celebrations

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

HBD?

8. Don’t forget to laugh at yourself

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

Hopefully others are laughing with you, not at you.

9. Don’t forget to take a chance

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

It’s an easy out.

10. Finally, when it’s over

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

Good luck out there. 

Humor

5 conversations troops always have in a deployed smoke pit

The thing veterans miss most about deployment life is the camaraderie. Your brothers- and sisters-in-arms become as much a family as those related by blood. While every troops’ mission is different, ranging from the operator-AF SpecOps guy to the admin clerk who’s doing their part, there will always be beautiful moments of shared downtime where everyone just chats.


These idle hangouts happen most often in the smoke pit — even if a troop doesn’t smoke — because it’s where everyone relaxes.

There’s only so much you can talk about with your buddies. Quickly, you’ll learn where they’re from, what they’re like, and if they prefer blondes, brunettes, or redheads. Basic questions like this might sound lame, but they can actually tell you a lot about a person — and take your mind off war.

These are the ones that always seem to be brought up in the smoke pit (we apologize to our mothers):

5. What are your plans after you get out?

The answers vary depending on how far along you are in your deployment. They start out reasonable: “Oh, I’m thinking about going to work at my dad’s butcher shop.” Eventually, however, they turn into: “I’m going to start a band that will rival Five Finger Death Punch!”

The bands never work out. And for some reason, it’s never the guy who brings a guitar (and knows how to play it) who comes up with the idea.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
They’ll talk a big game, but when they get out they don’t even use their GI Bill. (Image via Wikimedia Commons)

4. Who’s your favorite pop star to sing along to?

Even the most macho gym rat gets in on this conversation — and you get some weird results. Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, or Amy Winehouse are the usual go-to choices, but every now and then a Justin Bieber gets thrown in there by a brave soul.

Funny enough, you can actually find out more about your comrade if they’re cornered into picking just one. If they deny having one, they’re lying. If they complain, “Why just one?” you really get to mock them.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

3. Marry, f*ck, kill.

For this game, you pick three celebrities and decide which one you would wed, bed, and want dead.

For some reason, troops will never pick challenging choices, like “Emma Watson, Emma Stone, or Emma Roberts” or “Chris Pratt, Chris Hemsworth, or Chris Evans.” It’ll always be obvious choices that kill the game immediately.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
My heart kind of goes out to these three. They always get brought up in the first round of MFK. (Image via Reddit)

2. Would you rather ___ or ___?

This one also takes a turn for the weird the further into the deployment you are. Someone comes up with an unrealistic scenario and you pick between two unpleasant things (or two awesome things).

They usually start out as basic as “no internet or no sex” and eventually become, “would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or one hundred duck-sized horses?”

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
I mean, the duck-sized horses seem like the easy option because you could just kick them aside, but they can definitely over-run you. (Image via Digital Trends)

1. “Not even for $1M?”

In this hypothetical situation, a troop is offered an absurd amount of money to perform certain “acts.” This can get very inventive and it is always deranged, but people will really commit some emotions to their answers.

It’s completely hypothetical, of course — the logistics alone wouldn’t make much sense, but it’s entertaining to make your friend squirm.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
How much would it take for you to get to know Kim Jong-Un in the biblical sense? (Image via Flickr)

Articles

Why a woman was convicted under a witchcraft law during World War II

Long before the United States was an independent nation, the people of the British Empire were constantly on guard for anything that might disrupt their way of life. This, in part, meant witches, and lots of them. Literally thousands of alleged witches were hunted down and executed under a series of witchcraft laws that made it nice and legal. 

Eventually, Parliament had to step in and say enough was enough. In 1735, it passed the Witchcraft Act that made it a crime for a person to claim that any human being had magical powers or was guilty of practicing witchcraft. Surprisingly, it worked in Britain and eventually people stopped invoking the law.

That doesn’t mean the law was no longer on the books. Almost 200 years later, a self-professed medium named Helen Duncan was convicted under the Witchcraft Act of 1735, amid fears that she might actually be able to divulge intelligence about upcoming operations of World War II. 

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
If you weren’t expecting a “Monty Python” GIF, shame on you.

In November of 1941, Duncan held a seance in England where she claimed the ghost of a sailor aboard the HMS Barham visited her. The Barham was in the Mediterranean in 1941, fighting Axis ships attempting to cut off the resupply of the island of Malta. She was actually sunk off the coast of Egypt earlier that year. A German U-boat torpedoed the battleship, taking most of the crew down with it.

The problem was Helen Duncan wasn’t supposed to know that. The Royal Navy wouldn’t announce the sinking until 1942. The only people who were told were naval personnel and the families of those killed aboard the Barham. It caught the ears of naval intelligence, who decided to keep a close watch on Duncan the medium. 

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Behold! The face of unspeakable evil! Or… maybe just fraud and opsec violations (Wikimedia Commons)

She was later arrested in January 1944 under the Witchcraft Act, an act that many believe happened because military leaders were concerned she might actually be able to talk to spirits. Some of her followers contended that superstitious military officers were afraid that, through her ghosts, she might be able to reveal the secret plans for Operation Overlord, the D-Day invasion of Nazi-occupied Europe.

That might have been the case, but the nail in the coffin for Helen Duncan did come in 1944. In January of that year, two Royal Navy officers attended one of Duncan’s seances. Duncan attempted to spook one of the men by “manifesting” first his deceased aunt, and then his deceased sister. The officer’s aunts and sisters were all still very much alive. 

He reported Duncan to the police, who raided one of Duncan’s later seances. They found a hat band from a sailor’s uniform supposedly manifested from the HMS Barham. But the medium’s lack of uniform regulations did her in. The hat bands of British sailors at the time only read “HMS” and not the name of the vessel on which they served. 

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Apparently, people were actually buying this… (Harry Price/ “Leaves from a Psychist’s Case-Book” (Victor Gollancz Ltd, 1933)

Duncan was tried and convicted of claiming to perform fraudulent spiritual activity, defrauding people of their money and generally being a public nuisance. 

The real reason for Duncan’s arrest was likely the revelation of the sinking of the HMS Barham and her sources of information. Intelligence authorities weren’t worried about her getting information from ghosts, they were worried about the very real person from which she gained classified information. Most importantly, they were concerned about how she was spreading that information. 

Duncan was sentenced to nine months in jail. 

Feature image by Rafael Zajczewski from Pixabay

Humor

7 reasons why active duty hate on reservists

The military is divided into two groups: The hardcore, active-duty troops and the weekend warriors we’ve come to know as reservists.


We’re all on the same team, but the rivalry between active duty and reservists can be just as intense as inter-branch rivalries. Working together can be freakin’ tough.

(238DarthNinja | YouTube)The struggle is real, people!

Related: 6 reasons why Marines hate on the Air Force

Check out these seven reasons why active duty hate on reservists

7. They expect the same respect when you run into one of them.

Not every command has a reservist unit attached, so running into one is rare. But when you do, it’s jarring. Since we wear the same uniform, they expect to be treated like any other trooper.

Except they only train drill work show up two days a month and want to be seen as if they’re the tip of the spear.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Please, don’t let me deploy.

6. Your office always looks like sh*t on Monday mornings.

Reservist use your office space when they finally make it into work. It becomes theirs and there’s nothing you can do about it.

5. It feels like a stranger is living in your house one weekend per month.

They sit at your desk, use your computer, eat at your table, and you’ll never get to know them.

4. Most of them are out of shape.

That is all.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Well, active duty does.

3. They’re their own storytellers.

Reservists always want you to know they were once on active duty… every single time they see you.

2. Weekend warriors always think they’re tactical.

They buy their own tact gear, but don’t know how to use it — or if they even need it.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
You sure are, pal.

Also Read: 4 things you immediately learn after treating a Taliban fighter

1. You’re not allowed to touch the “reservist stuff” in your own office space. WTF?

They leave their belongings for their next time they train drill work decide show up and you have to sit with it all month long.

Bonus: Some even try to give you notes on how they think you should run your unit.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
#thestruggleisreal

Can you think of any others? Comment below.

Humor

7 things you shouldn’t say to a troop about to deploy

Before service members ship out to the front lines, they typically go on pre-deployment leave, during which they’ll spend time with friends and family at various locations.


Most of those locations serve alcohol and when naive civilians get a little tipsy, they tend to make remarks and ask questions they probably shouldn’t.

Here are just a few of the things civilians should never say to troop about to deploy.

Related: 7 white lies recruiters tell and what they really mean

1. “Shooting at people sounds like so much fun.”

Grunts like to joke about how awesome it is to engage the enemy. However, the act tends to create various, collateral issues.

2. “If you’re good at Call of Duty, you shouldn’t have a problem during a firefight.”

No matter how good you are at any game or how well you’re trained, nothing can truly prepare you for the vigors of a real firefight.

What the f*ck did you just say?

3. “I bet it feels weird as hell to get blown up.”

Troops continuously think about getting wounded during their service. However, it isn’t a fun thing to have swimming around your mind, and it definitely isn’t something you want to think about while on leave.

No sh*t, Sherlock.

4. “I wanted to join the military, but I went to college instead.”

Even if they’re kidding around, you should consider backhanding whoever makes a dumb comment like that.

5. “What’s the first thing you’re going to do when you run into a bad guy?”

No one can predict jacksh*t. Although running into a hostile is a possibility, your training will help you decide on a specific course of action when the situation presents itself.

6. “Dude, aren’t you nervous you’ll come back with, like, PTSD or something?”

Worst question to ask… ever!

Also Read: 7 reasons why you shouldn’t be too nice in the military

7. “How many people do you think you’re going to shoot?”

Second worst question to ask… ever!

He just lost faith in humanity.

Articles

Taco Rice is what happens when Japanese and American tastes collide

Spoiler alert; it’s delicious!:


Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
American-style taco – shell + sushi rice = a dish to heal the wounds of WWII. (Meals Ready To Eat screenshot)

Kon’nichiwa, TACO RICE.

Meals Ready To Eat explored the advent of one of Japan’s most popular street foods when host August Dannehl traveled to Okinawa in search of taco rice, a true food fusion OG.

If you were to suggest that spiced taco meat dressed in shredded lettuce, cheese, and tomato, would seem a bastard topping to foist upon sushi rice, Japan’s most sacred and traditional foodstuff, well, in Okinawa at least, you’d find yourself on the receiving end of a lesson in local history.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Distinguished inventor of taco rice, Matsuzu Gibo, c. 1983. (Meals Ready To Eat screenshot)

Taco Rice is the result of two post-WWII cultures: that of the Japanese and the American troops stationed in Okinawa, finding a way to transcend their differences through the combination of comforting foods.

An influx of American delicacies, most notably Spam, flooded the island following the cessation of hostilities and led to a heyday of culinary cross-pollination. Spam is still featured in many now-traditional Okinawan dishes, but taco rice is, for modern Okinawans and American military personnel, the belle of the mash-up Ball.

Watch more Meals Ready To Eat:

These military chefs will make you want to re-enlist

This veteran farmer will make you celebrate your meat

This is why soldiers belong in the kitchen

What happens when a firefighter’s secret identity is revealed

This Galley Girl will make you want to join the Coast Guard

Humor

5 worst waits troops hurried up to be at

In the civilian world, waiting feels like hell. Soccer moms throw a fit if they wait more than three people for a coffee, that asshole driving behind you honks if you don’t accelerate sooner than 0.003 seconds after the light turns green, and some teenager out there is claiming that their life is ruined because a selfie is taking too long to upload.


God knows what would happen if these same people if they had to wait out an enlistment. It doesn’t matter what position you were, what branch, what rank, what era, or anything like that — if you’ve served, you know the true pain of waiting.

 

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
(Image via Reddit)

5. Arms room

It finally happened. You’ve left the range and the last thing you have to do is turn your weapon in to the armorer and then you can take your boots off. The entire platoon is ready, they cleaned their rifles for the last of many times that day, and they stack on the tiny window to give it to the armorer.

Aaaaaaaaand now it’s time to wait for the armorer to get their ass up from playing Call of Duty doing whatever they were doing to come open the arms room. Bonus points if they have a drink or snack that they picked up at the shoppette while they were on their way.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
More bonus points if they kick you back without giving you a reason why your spotless weapon is supposedly dirty. (U.S. Army photo by Sgt. Emily Greene)

4. Close of business meetings

At the end of every military day, officers and NCOs gather to talk about what happened that day and plot out what they will do the next day. To the uninformed lower enlisted who’s waiting on the sidelines, the pain is just as excruciating for everyone in the meeting except for the Gung Ho PowerPoint Ranger. 

The lower enlisted wait on their cellphones that have a sliver of battery left and the NCOs nod off listening to how whatever will “improve combat readiness.” Then, the officers wait their turn to say, “Yep. Things are good on my end. Let’s get out of here.”

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

 

3. Convoy Ops out of anywhere

It’s probably for the best that the actual SP (Start Point; when the convoy heads out) time is kept on a need-to-know basis.

Every single time: Troops wake up at 0200, arms room by 0300, leave the arms room at 0600 (because #5.), meet at the motor pool at 0630, and then… Sunrise… Eventually, you realize it’s almost lunch time and the vehicles are still lined up to leave.

 

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
It would be fine if the vehicles actually had good heating/air conditioning, had radios that actually played tunes, or were remotely comfortable… (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Cpl. F. Cordoba)

2. Getting any paperwork done

Swinging by S-1 to get that one award you told them twelve times to add to your record is a pain.

Swinging by the civilian office to get that divorce paperwork finalized after you’ve told them twelve times to remove it from your record is a nightmare.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
One picture to perfectly describes every stage of boredom waiting on paperwork. (Photo by Brandy Gill).

1. Literally any kind of ceremony

Oh, cool. Your commander’s commander got an “Attaboy” award for existing that is more prestigious than any award you brag about. Nothing builds genuine support for the commander’s commander like waking 300 troops up at 0200 to stand in formation for seven hours to hear about how great that person’s “Good Idea Fairy” was for three hours. Good going, sir! You’re being awarded for improving morale. Look how high morale is after ten hours of hearing how awesome you are…

If it’s a change of command ceremony, you can tell immediately what kind of leader you’re getting by if they keep their word after uttering the phrase, “Alright, I’ll keep this brief…”

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

*Bonus* Just… everything before deploying

This is the catch-all for all of the waits you’ll endure before deploying. Finance? Sixish hours. Dental? Eightish hours. Medical? Tenish hours. Central Issuing Facility? All day. Waiting to get that one signature from that one office that’s only open for four hours a week for some reason and only half an hour each day? An eternity.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

Whoever thought mass medical check-ups would be simple has obviously never stood in a line of 500 troops waiting on a blood draw. (U.S. Air Force photo by Staff Sgt. Trevor Saylor)

Humor

6 reasons why golfing should actually be the lower-enlisted sport

Golfing is nearly revered among officers. Almost every military installation has a golf course and, if you look, you’ll definitely find officers who set their meetings at the driving range. But the reason why all officers love golfing is exactly the same reason why lower enlisted should be fans, too: It’s the most sham sport you can think of.


Pretty much everything about golf is perfectly geared toward pretending like you’re working hard while actually just having fun — which is, essentially, the mantra of the E-4 Mafia and LCpl Underground.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

What other way can you drink while everyone else is working?

(Photo by 1st Lt. Kenya Saenz)

You can drink while you play

This is almost reason enough for lower enlisted to love golf. Why spend your day cleaning out the connexes for the seventh time this month when you could be drinking a beer with the colonel?

Most sports discourage you from getting plastered in the middle of the game. Golfing, conversely, encourages you to be slightly inebriated.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

Even when they set up driving ranges on deployments, no one really cares how good you are.

(Photo by Sgt. 1st Class Charles Highland)

Your skill — and effort — doesn’t really matter

You can be tipsy and play golf because no one really cares if you’re good or not. Okay, fellow golfers might start to give a damn if you’re just so bad that people are lining up at the tee.

The good news is that if you’re really that bad (or that drunk), you can just go to the driving range and swing. Other golfers won’t judge you — because they’re probably drunk, too.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

Don’t even worry about getting the ball, that’s someone else’s responsibility. The E-4 mentality at work.

(Photo by Sgt. 1st Class Charles Highland)

You’re just hitting things without consequence

If you’re very serious about golfing, you’re going to try your hardest. But everyone else on a military golf course is just trying to get out of work.

This point rings especially true on the driving range, where you don’t need to even worry about aiming. Most people use the driving range to improve their stance and swing, but if you just want to let off steam, just tee up, give it a nice, angry whack, grab another, and go again.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

It’s kind of a gray area, though…

(Photo by Capt. Stephen Von Jett)

You can just drive the cart all day if you want

Golf courses are huge and it’s kind of expected that golfers aren’t going to ruck their clubs around the course. Instead, they’ll just take a golf cart. If swinging your arms seems like too much effort, you can volunteer to just drive the golf cart.

Extra points here if you can get away with just driving around the course and never stopping at any holes. Just don’t be that idiot who does doughnuts on the green while drunk. Legally, you can still get a DUI while driving a golf cart.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

What other opportunity will you get to openly mock someone who outranks the f*ck out of you?

(Photo by Airman 1st Class Christian Conrad)

You spend more time joking than actually playing

Just as with everything else that the lower enlisted do, in golf, you spend thirty seconds doing the task (hitting the ball) and about five minutes joking around (waiting for the other golfers).

Your entire day is spent barely doing anything. You’re just drinking with the guys and cracking jokes at each other. Then, when you finally come back, you can tell everyone that you’ve had a long day.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

Just another day in the military, am I right?

(Photo by Sgt. Diandra J. Harrell)

You look professional as f*ck, but you’re really not

With all of this in mind, you’re not actually doing jack sh*t but having fun. Yet, for some reason, everyone thinks you’re this squared-away individual who’s been doing things officers do.

Officers (who are also wiggling their way out of command and staff meetings) know full well that you’re trying to skate — so are they. But they’ll still think highly of you.

Humor

5 ways troops always screw up a simple formation

Typically, every single day of the work week, service members come together and stand quietly in organized columns, called a ‘formation.’


At these formations, service members are accounted for and various information is passed along.

Sounds easy and quick enough, right? You’d be wrong.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

It’s no secret that nobody wants to attend these.

Most service members do not like standing at the position of attention for extended periods, waiting for the higher-ups to get their sh*t together. So, things tend to go south quickly for various reasons.

Related: 6 ways to avoid being ‘that guy’ in your unit

1. Someone shows up wearing the wrong uniform or cover

Some people don’t pay attention well enough, show up in the wrong uniform, and, unsurprisingly, stick out like a sore thumb. Some do it on purpose, though, when they are about to get out of the military.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
We guess he didn’t get that memo.

2. That time everyone laughed because someone farted

As immature as it sounds, it’s incredibly difficult not to smirk or even laugh when somebody rips a loud one. Farts plus formation always equals funny. Sometimes, you just need something hilarious to get through a boring formation.

3. When someone locks their knees and passes out

This happens more often than you think, especially at various military ceremonies. Don’t forget to bend your knees and wiggle your toes to keep the blood flowing.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
A guard of honor passes out as Queen Elizabeth II rides past during the color parade, 1970.

4. We sometimes forget the difference between left and right.

We start marching with our left foot and we align with the troop to our left-hand side. Sometimes, however, troops mindlessly mix up which foot or hand is actually their left one.

Also Read: This is why there’s no excuse for Hollywood to screw up military uniforms

5. Those times when a troop does a celebratory grunt and no one joins in.

It’s sort of like when someone in a crowd tries to start a group clap, but no one else joins in. Yeah… it’s embarrassing.

 

(theoneandonlytony | YouTube)
Articles

Watch this Marine gunner desperately try to destroy his pack

Marine Corps Chief Warrant Officer 5 Christian P. Wade, the 2nd Marine Division Gunner as well as the personality behind that video of cooking bacon on a suppressor, has a new video where he tests the resilience of the Marine Corps’ new reinforced pack frame.


Despite long falls, getting dragged behind a Jeep, and about 51 Kalashnikov rounds, the new pack proves itself to be surprisingly tough. You can see what finally destroys the pack in the video below:

The requirement for a new pack grew out of complaints by Marines that the legacy pack frames couldn’t hold up to cold weather conditions or to airborne operations. Some were even breaking under regular use at the School of Infantry-West.

So, Marine Corps Systems Command got to work testing new builds with the goal of keeping the feel and form of the pack the same while making it more rugged, preferably without adding weight.

The initiative appears to have been successful, but Wade is still able to destroy it. Think you can make a pack he can’t kill SysCom?

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