Top 10 'Terminal Lance' comics from 2017 - We Are The Mighty
Humor

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

There are definitely differences between the branches of the military, which allow for healthy rivalries, but at the end of the day, serving in the military is a mindf*ck we all endured gives troops common ground based on similar experiences. That’s why you don’t have to be a Marine to appreciate the wry and insightful humor of Terminal Lance.


Created by Lance Corporal Maximilian Uriarte, Terminal Lance “pokes fun at the Marine Corps” from a grunt’s point of view. He focuses on his own experiences and observations from his time in the Marines, but vets from any branch can relate to the scenarios depicted (think getting ripped apart by your command, how a reveille wake-up call feels, or being hungover at morning PT).

And it’s spot on.

(Although every now and again, they fly right over this airman’s head. Please never tell me if you guys kill turtles at Twentynine Palms…)

Without further ado, here are my ten favorites from 2017:

10. “Fly Hard”

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

I can’t get enough sky dick. Thank you for keeping it alive, Max.

9. “Secret Weapon”

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

Mattis, you’re our only hope.

8. “Permanent Changes”

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

Recruiters never really tell you that you could end up stationed in a sh*thole for four years, but there are ways around it.

7. “The Babysitter’s Club II”

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

I was undoubtedly that officer. #sorrynotsorry

6. “Throwback Thursday”

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

Come on, America. We can do better.

5. “Happy Easter 2017”

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

I just want “Wagner Loves the Cock. Stay Woke.” on a t-shirt.

4. “New Joins”

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

Time to go full metal b*tch on that Blue Ribbon…

3. “Grass Week” 

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

“Soon” made me lol, but this is funny because it’s so true. We were doing Soviet-defense training when we should have been concentrating on guerrilla tactics and asymmetrical warfare and it always pissed me right off.

Whew! Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

2. “You’re a Mean One II” 

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

Too many military leaders are dead inside. This one hurts.

1. “Drill Instructor Academy”

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

Drill instructors made me laugh — and then I got in trouble for laughing and they’d say more funny sh*t and I’d laugh and get in trouble and it went on like that until I graduated. I don’t know how they come up with the insane vitriol that they do, but I love it and I commend them.

Especially you, Technical Sergeant Gamble… wherever you are…

Check out Terminal Lance (if you somehow haven’t already?) — you can start right here with one of Max’s all-time favorites.

Let me know your favorites in the comments.

Articles

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of Jun. 17

We know that most of you are just here to steal memes for your arsenal. That’s fine. We’re doing the same thing when we go to the pages linked in blue above each meme.


If you don’t already, though, click on the links and show those page admins some love. They and their audiences are the hard workers who keep the meme currency flowing.

1. You could just get a job backpacking (via Pop Smoke).

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
You’ll get to travel in all sorts of exotic locales and meet lots of interesting people.

2. Energy drinks win wars. That’s a fact (via Air Force Nation).

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
DFAC: Get on this. The caffeine situation is unacceptable.

SEE ALSO: This Coastie crossed the English Channel 10 times on D-Day

3. “But, first sergeant said we should personalize our desks.”

(via Air Force Memes Humor)

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

4. When you get the counseling statement that you’re falling a little short in some areas:

(via Air Force Memes Humor)

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

5. 10 bucks says people were finding excuses to go into the room (via Pop Smoke).

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

6. “And now we’re headed to berthing where we’ll be conducting nap time.”

(via Sh-t my LPO says)

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

7. Actual image shared on an Air Force Facebook page (via We Are The Mighty).

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Maybe the F-35 is so expensive because it’s secretly an X-wing.

8. Remember to paint your face, Homer. Your jaundice makes you easy to pick out (via The Salty Soldier).

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Homer Simpson really is the shammer/skater spirit animal.

9. Combat outposts don’t have regs or Charms candies (via Military Memes).

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
You will need helmets, though.

10. “Don’t know why we need some fancy, new-fangled CD players in the Navy.”

(via Military Memes)

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

11. George Washinton was so cool, he wore aviators before aviation was a thing (via Grunt Style)

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Pretty sure he was rocking a 50-star flag before there were even thirteen states, too.

12. “Sry, chief. Still waiting. The dentists are moving super slow.”

(via Coast Guard Memes)

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

13. Of course, if it has no ammo, it’s probably not the last one you’ll ever see (via Military Nations)

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Maybe there are a few rounds left in the gun.

Articles

4 insane things service members can do to stay awake

Not all deployments are created equal. Some troops primarily work at a desk performing critical operational tasks, while others are out and about undertaking various missions in the bush. Regardless, both schedules usually consist of long hours and a heavy workload which can run anybody down.


No matter the nature of the mission, staying in the fight and being alert is the key for any personnel deployed.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Cpl Daniel, a fire team leader, 1st Squad, 2nd Platoon, Alpha Company, 1st Battalion, 8th Marines, posts security while members of the Afghan Narcotics Interdiction Unit search a compound during Operation Speargun in Urmuz, Afghanistan.

So if you’re worried about falling asleep when you need to be at your best, check out these simple tricks of the trade to stay awake whole on deployment.


1. Bangin energy drinks

May seem obvious to the average population that drinking a Redbull or pounding a Monster will get their minds firing on all cylinders. But in most cases, deployed troops just don’t sip a single energy drink — they take it to a whole new level by chugging multiple cans of the all mighty Rip-it.

Splashing water on your face works well too — but that’s no fun.

2. Coffee lip

One ration the military never seems to ever run off of is coffee.

When you’re occupying a patrol base or sitting in a fighting hole, coffee machines will be scarce. So instead of filtering water through the grounds, pack a solid pinch of instant coffee from the ole handy dandy MREs into your lip. It tastes like sh*t, but it can help you keep shuteye at bay.

3. “Spicy eyes”

This doesn’t refer to “the look” that civilian reporter who came by the FOB to interview the colonel gave everyone. It means sprinkling a small amount of Tabasco sauce onto your finger and rubbing the contents under your eyes. Spicy!

If it burns a little and wakes you back up, you’re doing it right.

4. Pain

There’s nothing worse than drifting off while on post.

In fact, if you get caught sleeping, that’s a crucial offense. The human body has a natural way of rejuvenating itself by excreting adrenaline into the blood stream. You can accomplish this by pinching yourself, or if that doesn’t work, delivering a light love tap across your cheek.

It might seem a bit extreme, but it could also save your life and the lives of your comrades.

Can you think of any others? Comment below.


Articles

How to make a movie theater with your smartphone on deployment

Being on deployment in a dangerous region means being away from your family. Most service members play soccer, read old magazines and smoke a lot of butts.


It’s not like you’re allowed to leave the FOB to hit the mall and catch a movie.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Here’s the old school way of watching movies. (Source: Out of Regs)

But you’re in luck, we’re going to show to how to craft a home theater out of some native materials and your smartphone.

Related: 7 things every Marine needs before deploying

Here’s the supplies you’ll need:

  • a shoebox or a regular box
  • X-Acto knife or bayonet
  • a pencil or pen
  • scissors
  • a magnifying glass
  • tape and/or glue
  • smartphone

Step 1: Place the magnifying glass in the center outside of the shoebox and trace around it with the pencil making a circular stencil.

Step 2: Use the X-Acto knife to cut out the traced magnifying stencil, then pop out the excess cardboard. Cut the lid or it will hang down over the magnifying glass.

Step 3: Insert a clean magnifying glass into the cut hole and secure it down with tape or glue.

(Note: paint the inside of the box with polish or black paint)

Step 4: Use the excess cardboard to make a smartphone stand.

Step 5: Invert your smartphone screen through the settings app then lock the screen on.

Step 6: Place your smartphone in the box, on the stand and place the lid on as usual.

Step 7: You can adjust focus by sliding the phone while it’s on the stand inside the box.

Step 8: Enjoy your favorite movies.

Also Read: 8 things Marines love to carry other than their weapon

(TechBuilder, YouTube)What other deployment hacks have you heard of? Comment below?
Articles

5 struggles those who wore BCGs will remember

Ah, the beloved and well-remembered basic combat glasses, the “S9” frames. Generations of American warfighters were warmly welcomed into the military with these fashionable spectacles.


Except not. More commonly known as “birth control glasses,” these things were basically two Coke bottles bound with mud-colored wire.

Here are 5 things troops got to experience while wearing the Devil’s eyewear:

1. The instant weird looks and laughs from other recruits

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
(Photo: U.S. Air Force Staff Sgt. Stacy L. Pearsall)

Most recruits look and feel awkward their first time sporting an Army haircut or lumbering around in a brand new pair of combat boots. But the next level of awkwardness was reserved for the wearers of BCGs.

This always led to jokes among fellow trainees, at least until drill sergeant showed up. That’s when everyone fell silent — so that drill sergeant could get his jokes in.

2. Permanently obscured vision thanks to the range day

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
(Photo: U.S. Marine Corps Sgt. Katelyn Hunter)

In basic training, everyone is trained to hold their weapon the same way during marksmanship training. Recruits have to place their faces to the rifle the same way every time to make them more accurate. So, everyone is ordered to hold the weapon with their nose to the charging handle.

The problem is, this places the rear sight close to the BCGs for many shooters. The rear sight sometimes scratches the glasses during training and, after a few times at the firing positions, BCG wearers leave with a scuffed section of glass at the bottom of their field of vision in their dominant eye.

3. The constant fogging during smoke sessions and marches

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
(Photo: U.S. Air Force Tech. Sgt. Michael R. Holzworth)

Marching through dusty trails, doing pushups until it “rains” inside, and conducting mountain climbers all cause basic trainees to sweat heavily. This sweat quickly condenses on the lenses of BCGs, creating a thick fog. After a while, sweat droplets fall on the lens as well. This gets rid of the fog but makes it look like everything is underwater instead.

4. Basic training photos that not even a mother could love (though some hipsters might)

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
(Photo: U.S. Marine Corps Sgt. Mark Fayloga)

Basic training photos only appeal to a few people, typically the recruit’s mother and grandmother. But unless they got a sympathetic photographer who let them remove their glasses, those rocking the BCGs were doomed to photos that even a mother would only put up as a joke.

Most trainees got a kind-of-lame, posed photo from basic. The four-eyed folks got a punchline that their family would bring up during every Christmas block leave for the rest of their life.

5. Duct tape repairs actually made them look better

While most glass wearers dreaded having to make cheap repairs with duct tape, BCG people knew that dropping their frames in strategic ways led to a silver covering for those awful brown frames. Yup, those cheap repairs were an improvement over the stock model.

Unfortunately for newer and future troops, the military has gotten rid of S9s, the old basic combat glasses, and opted for a more modern look, the 5A frame. So, the community of birth control glasses wearers is now closed.

These are the new 5As that basic trainees are issued:

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
(Photo: U.S. Army Melissa K. Buckley)

They’re actually . . . dare we say it . . . stylish. Alas, it’s the end of an era.

Humor

11 sniper memes that will make you laugh for hours

Trained snipers are some of the most dangerous warfighters ever to hit the battlefield. The history books have been inked with the legends of the most talented, deadliest snipers. Their methodical, near-surgical approach is the stuff of nightmares for the enemy and many live in constant fear of being placed in their crosshairs.

Snipers will lay still for hours as they stalk their target, waiting for that perfect shot. When you look through a scope for hours at a time, it’s hard not to entertain your brain by coming up with some dark humor. So, we’re here to show the world the humorous side of snipers.


Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

(Navymemes.com)

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Humor

5 best reasons why the Air Force doesn’t need warrant officers

Many an airman have found themselves utterly confused whenever they encounter these wonderful and mythical creatures normally found somewhere downrange (or near one of our sibling service’s chow hall).


Their rank insignia is confusing for the airman seeing it for the first time — but don’t you dare stare! Yes, this rare and godlike commodity is the warrant officer.

What, exactly, is a warrant officer?

A warrant officer is a technical expert. For the branches that have them (i.e. not the U.S. Air Force), they serve as the technical base for their respective service. They, simply put, have become officers based on expertise and, well, warrant.

Sounds great, but does the Air Force need them? Here are five reasons why they might not:

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
They definitely don’t know what to do with their hands. (Image from Columbia Pictures’ Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby)

Related: 7 more professional athletes you didn’t know were veterans

5. Congress had a better plan

The Air Force actually did once have warrant officers.

From the moment the Air Force become a separate branch on Sept. 18, 1947 until 1958, the enlisted ranks topped out at E-7. Congress then created the ranks of E-8 and E-9 for the Air Force, allowing for more growth.

The Air Force didn’t see a need for these technical experts anymore and used this momentum to usher out what had become a somewhat pesky group of individuals.

The Air Force made their last warrant officer appointment in 1959 and the one in active duty retired in 1980.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
This is how the Air Force Warrant Officer went away. (Image from ABC’s Schoolhouse Rock)

4. Wait, aren’t we actually getting them?

This is a rumor that has been going around for decades. I, personally, heard it back in my earliest days in Air Force blue and thought it was a great idea.

I heard it again a few years and bases later, and even right now the idea of re-introducing the warrant officer tier to the Air Force is being kicked around.

It’ll probably, eventually, likely, maybe-not-but-just-might happen… one day.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

3. We must be different

Just like most younger siblings, the Air Force strives to be different from our big brothers in blue, green, and Marine.

We learn from their history, their triumphs, and their missteps to be a better version of awesome whenever and wherever possible.

Most of the time, that makes sense. But sometimes, different is just different — not better.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Pictured: Air Force fighting for independence.

2. Because… air power

Keeping in line with the snootiness of being the baby sibling, the Air Force went a step further in hardening the line between enlisted and commissioned than our brothers did.

The Air Force zigged when the Army zagged.

Why? Because there will be no misnomer about ranks, positions, and titles in the Air Force, right?

Also read: This is what it was like being in the military on 9/10

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Air Force being Air Force… different isn’t always better. (USAF photo by Airman Jack Sanders)

1. We have our own unicorns

We already have mythical, rarely seen, hard-to-catch creatures in the Air Force.

Unlike other services, where you commonly see some type of operator doing all types of things (from working out to shopping), in the Air Force, you could easily go your entire career without ever seeing a pararescueman or combat controller with your own eyes.

Oh, they exist like a motherf*cker but, unless you’re in that world, you’ll only see them in your dreams.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Pictured: absolute badass, Chief Master Sgt. Davide Keaton (Retired).  (USAF photo by Senior Airman Ryan Conroy)

Humor

6 Christmas gift ideas for the Navy

Christmas time is here and that means spending a lot of time on Amazon.com looking for the best gift ideas for your friends, family, and other loved ones. This year, the armed forces could use a few gifts that you can’t buy online. These are a few things the U.S. Navy would like to find under the tree this holiday season:


6. Two repaired destroyers

2017 saw the Arleigh Burke-class guided-missile destroyers USS Fitzgerald (DDG 62) and USS John S. McCain (DDG 56) damaged badly in collisions. While nothing can undo the tragic loss of the 17 sailors killed in the collisions, undoing the hundreds of millions of dollars’ worth of hull damage would make a nice gift.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
The Arleigh Burke-class guided-missile destroyer USS Fitzgerald (DDG 62) returns to Fleet Activities Yokosuka following a collision with a merchant vessel while operating southwest of Yokosuka, Japan. (Photo: U.S. Navy Mass Communication Specialist 1st Class Peter Burghart)

5. More hulls in the water

As of today, the Navy has 279 deployable ships. This is the lowest total since 1916. While these ships are very capable, they are not capable of being in two places at once.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
USS Shiloh operating in the Philippine Sea (US Navy)

4. Beefed-up carrier air wings

Thirty years ago, the cutting-edge air wing was composed of 24 F-14 Tomcats, 24 F/A-18 Hornets, and 15 A-6 Intruders. Today, it’s 48 F/A-18C Hornets and F/A-18E/F Super Hornets. The Navy no longer has a carrier-borne, anti-submarine warfare aircraft – the S-3 Viking has been retired. A good replacement would be a second squadron of F-35C Lightnings per carrier.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
An F-35C Lightning II on USS George Washington during F-35C Development Test III. (Lockheed Martin photo)

3. More submarines

Russia is becoming a resurgent threat in the Arctic and the only warships that can be sent to counter it are nuclear-powered attack submarines. The United States currently commissions one or two Virginia-class submarines per year. Another sub or two per year would be a welcome Christmas present.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
The Virginia-class attack submarine USS Hawaii (SSN 776) enters Apra Harbor for a scheduled port visit. The Virginia-class submarines use pump-jet propulsion systems. (U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 2nd Class Corwin Colbert)

2. Real guided-missile frigates

The fact is, the Littoral Combat Ship is a nice pickup – for the Coast Guard. The Navy would have done a lot better to replace the Oliver Hazard Perry-class guided-missile frigates with something like Spain’s Alvaro de Bazan-class Aegis frigates.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
The Spanish Navy frigate Alvaro De Bazan (F 101) conducts a close quarters exercise near a U.S. Navy guided missile destroyer while underway in the Atlantic Ocean. (U.S. Navy photo by Photographer’s Mate Airman Eben Boothby)

1. No more buzzing

Russia, China, and Iran have all been buzzing Navy ships and aircraft this year. Some brand-new rules of engagement to discourage such dangerous stunts would look good under the tree.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
In early 2017, a Russian plane buzzed a U.S. destroyer. (Photo from U.S. Dept. of Defense)

Articles

9 things that would be different if Chuck Norris led the Bin Laden raid

In the early hours of May 2nd, 2011, in Abbottabad, Pakistan, SEAL team 6 got the green light to execute a deadly mission to capture or kill the man responsible for the 9/11 terrorist attacks — Osama Bin Laden. After President Obama broke the news to the world that the notorious Al Qaeda leader had been taken out, American and its allies celebrated all across the world.


As additional information poured in, the mission was labeled a success — although it had its share of flaws.

But as WATM has a deep and abiding appreciation for 1980s action movies, we wondered how different it all might have gone down if Chuck Norris had planned and led the famous bin Laden raid. So check out our list.

Related: 9 examples of the military’s dark humor

The SEALs on Norris’ team would be issued dual Uzis — because firepower.

Chuck Norris shot a man to death with an unloaded nerf gun. (images via Giphy)

The SEAL team would have parachuted in instead of inserting on stealth helicopters.

Chuck Norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open,so he took it back the next day for a refund (images via Giphy)

Once Chuck Norris and the SEALs land, awesome black tactical motorcycles would be patiently waiting for them.  Norris would shoot bin Laden’s compound wall so his SEALs could easily breach.

People sell their souls to the devil.The devil sells his soul to Chuck Norris.(images via Giphy)

After locating bin Laden, Chuck would have challenged him to a hand-to-hand showdown after removing his shirt and popping his knuckles.

Global warming will end as soon as Chuck Norrisputs his shirt back on. (images via Giphy)

Then, Chuck would deliver a series of right jabs to bin Laden’s face, breaking every bone in his body.

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed. (images via Giphy)

After beating bin Laden senseless, he’d casually walk away like the fight was over, mount his tactical motorcycle and blow the al Qaeda leader up with a missile like it wasn’t sh*t.

Chuck Norris puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter”. (image via Giphy)

Since Chuck usually orders his men to fall back early (for some reason) he now has to make his escape just as Pakistani police show up.

Chuck Norris doesn’t need a ramp because he’s f*cking Chuck Norris. (images via Giphy)

Because Chuck is such a lone wolf, the only plane leaving the terrorist-infested nation is about to take off without him — but that won’t stop him from boarding.

Chuck Norris can fold airplanes into paper. (images via Giphy)

Related: Here’s how US Marines brought karate back home after World War II

After the mission was labeled a success by the president, Chuck wouldn’t verbally congratulate his team — he’d just give thumbs up.

Chuck Norris never fails, he tells success to come backwhen it’s ready for him. (image via Giphy

Articles

7 struggles these veterans know all too well about humping gear

SAPI plates, hundreds of rounds of ammo, and as much water as you can haul is just a fraction of the gear our ground troops carry on their back as they move through their objectives every day.


Related: This is why grunt gear isn’t for the average man

Not too long ago, WATM ran a story featuring a TV show host who wanted to know what it felt like to carry the typical combat load a Vietnam War GI would haul. If you didn’t get a chance to see it, click here: This is why grunt gear isn’t for the average man

Many members of our loyal audience took the opportunity to chime in after reading the article and commented about what the heavy equipment they had to lug around during their time serving “in the suck” and here’s what they had to say.

1. The veteran grunt

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

2. The motivated Corpsman

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

3. The usual checklist of gear for this grunt was…

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

 

Related: 8 things Marines love to carry other than their weapon

4. The proud and seasoned machine gunner

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

5. Packing some major heat

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

6. He’s down to do it all over again

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

7. Ready for just about anything

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

 

What gear did you carry? Comment below.

Articles

These are the 7 most disappointing military commanders in Westeros

Daenerys Targaryen FINALLY landed on Westeros in HBO’s “Game of Thrones.” She’s even started using the dragons and Dothraki on Westerosi armies! Even though she hasn’t (yet) moved on King’s Landing, there’s a lot of reason to believe it’s just a matter of time before the “game” is over.


Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
The face you make when you have the only Air Force.

This gives us a chance to stop and reflect on all the battles and strategies in the game that led us here. Even better, it gives us a chance to laugh at the worst leaders in the place and question why the hell they thought they could hang in the first place. At least Tommen knew he just wasn’t cut out for it.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Tommen performs an actual king’s landing.

7. Theon Greyjoy

Theon’s big victory wasn’t even really a fight. He told the Stark Army there was an attack somewhere else, and when they left he forced Bran to concede Winterfell to him. Then, right before the Iron Born immediately turned on him, he killed some farmer’s family and torched their two kids. Cool.

You know who the real loser was in the sack of Winterfell?

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Yes, an argument could be made for Ser Rodrick.

Rickon Stark. Rickon is the real loser in all this. By the time the Starks retake Winterfell, Bran can see through time, Arya has face-melting assassin skills, Jon Snow is hanging with the Mother of Dragons, and Sansa runs the place. What did Rickon get?

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Oh riiiiiiiiiight…

Theon sucks. He knew it, his men knew it, the Boltons knew it. And he’s at number seven on this list because we knew it too.

6. Ramsay Bolton

Sure, he seized the North (after it was decimated by the Iron Born, but whatever). We’ll give that to him. But the thing about the way a ruler like Ramsay Bolton operates is that there has to be an element of fear to fighting for him. That also means that there has to be a good chance you’ll survive. If you know you’re going to die no matter what, it makes it difficult to fight for survival.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Also, when his gimmick is a bunch a flayed dudes, you have to wonder who’s getting flayed next.

In the Battle of the Bastards, Ramsay so casually mows down his own troops with arrows to the point that they’re indistinguishable from the enemy in the pile of bodies. See if you can spot the point when a bunch more guys from the Bolton Army would have really come in useful during the Battle of the Bastards:

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Look closely.

Where was the shirtless Ramsay Bolton who fought the Iron Born at the Dread Fort?

5. Joffrey Baratheon

If only Stannis Baratheon had attacked King’s Landing with a bunch of prostitutes, then Joffrey would know how to kill the enemy. Donning the King’s Armor in the one time he had a chance to be a real leader, he bravely left the battlefield to go see what his mom wanted.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

And don’t forget, Arya was embarrassing Joffrey before it was cool…and before she even had face-wrecking assassin powers.

4. Balon Greyjoy

Remember Balon? No? Funny how the worst among us are completely forgotten as soon as someone with skills and ability comes along.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
(Stares in Iron Born)

The thing about Balon that’s different from most of the people on this list is that the other people had a reputation for valor, daring, and strategic thinking before the events depicted on the show. Not Balon. Before the events of the show, Balon led a rebellion from the Iron Islands and was quickly owned by Ned Stark. His biggest win was having Theon taken hostage.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
We all know how that turned out.

Everyone spends the first season making fun of Balon in front of Theon. Only Yara gave a damn when Euron threw the old man over a bridge. In fact, the whole Game of Thrones series got exponentially better as soon as someone killed Balon.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
The world actually cheered as Balon was helped off the show. Probably.

3. The Night King

The Night King has existed since the age of the Children of the Forest. He has practically unlimited manpower that only grows the more he fights. And it’s next to impossible to stop his army in close quarters combat…unless you can figure out the three things that can actually hurt them.  And the Night King is giving the living SO MUCH TIME TO FIGURE IT OUT.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
¯/_(‘   ‘)_/¯

Seriously, what is he doing beyond the wall? Every time we see him, he and his army of White Walkers look like they’re just walking around endlessly. Don’t they know they’re supposed to attack in the winter? I know it’s supposed to be the longest winter ever but that doesn’t mean he has to wait until the last minute to attack.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
One step at a time? Oh jeez this is going to take FOREVER.

If he just started attacking now, he could swarm The Wall before Jon Snow can mine the Dragon Glass. Or before Dany can beat Cersei and focus the dragons on the North. But no, he’s going to walk around the land beyond The Wall because it’s apparently much more fun than winning.  People who are older than history love to take walks.

2. Jaime Lannister

For all the stories you hear about Ser Jaime’s fighting ability, all he ever seems to do is get captured or almost die. When he does win, it’s not because he’s actually fighting. He makes the disappointment list because you feel like he should be better at fighting. And yet we have come to love him anyway.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
But you could choose someone who isn’t your sister.

Jaime didn’t kill Tyrion even though he believed Tyrion killed his son. Jaime failed to kill a small child by throwing him out a window. Even in combat, we’ve seen more success from Samwell Tarly. Tyrion managed to get a few kills in at the Blackwater — the most Jaime ever did was kill his cousin and lose a hand for his trouble.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Yeah, nice.

It’s mind-boggling why Tyrion is the most disappointing Lannister (to the Lannisters, I mean). Jaime is the biggest liability in Westeros and all Tyrion has to do is tell an Army, “Let’s go kill those dudes attacking our city,” and he wins the day.

“But what about Riverrun?” you might ask. Early on, we hear about Jaime taking Riverrun from the Riverlords but by season six, he has to go retake it from the Blackfish. Taking a castle doesn’t do you any good if you can’t keep it. Ask Theon Greyjoy about that.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
You’ll have to catch him first.

For the ultimate in Jaime Lannister’s bad decision-making skills, see the last five minutes of the seventh season episode “The Spoils of War” and remember Jaime’s quote: “We can hold them off.” Hey bud, everyone knows she’s got fire-breathing dragons and a barbaric horde of Dothraki horse archers.

Not only did Jaime do nothing for his troops, he didn’t even get the anti-dragon gun ready to fight. That thing stayed in the wagon waaaaaaaaaay too long.

1. Stannis Baratheon

For what all the bookreaders have to say about Stannis Baratheon, we sure expected some magic from this guy. The only magical thing about Stannis came out of Melisandre.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Run, Jon Snow. This will not end well.

At the Battle of the Blackwater, Stannis drove his Navy into the bay, which would seem like the best idea. But a little bit of intel work and he would have known the Lannisters poured a ton of electric green stuff into the bay in anticipation of the battle, which everyone knew was coming. Then, Stannis did exactly what everyone expected him to do – a frontal assault. No wonder the Lannisters knew exactly how to wipe the floor with his gate crashers.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
If Baratheon leadership could be summed up in one clip, this would be it.

Also, underestimating the wealthiest family on the continent was a terrible call. They control Casterly Rock and King’s Landing. Why did Stannis never consider the possibility of a relief force from Casterly Rock? Tywin Lannister was known for his ability as a soldier and general and the Lannisters were allied with the Tyrells. Stannis, whose moves surprise no one, never considers outside forces. Like…did he forget he was in The War of Five Kings?

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Stannis has never been good at showing emotion. Or leadership ability. Or fatherhood. Or anything, really.

To top that, the real heir to Robert Baratheon led a depleted army against Winterfell. A real commander would work to prepare the army, maybe get some more allies at the last minute, work on a secret plan or weapon to even the odds of assaulting a fortified position. Not Stannis. His ace in the hole was to roast his daughter alive.

Humor

7 unrealistic expectations troops have about their first unit

For months, young troops train, perfecting the skills they need to fulfill the MOS for which they signed up.


During training, troops imagine what life will be like once they’ve gotten their orders and arrive at their first unit.

Chances are, they’ve set their expectations way too high and are in for a huge letdown.

Related: 6 crazy things some troops get away with living in the barracks

1. Everyone is going to be a complete badass

Although the military is full of outstanding service members, most of them are just your “average Joe” trying to make a living. We blame this expectation on all those motivational posters and videos we saw in the recruiter’s office.

2. That the equipment would be brand new

We train with gear that isn’t brand new; don’t expect any of the equipment you get issued at supply to be any different.

3. Troops making decisions based on logic

Believe it or not, most of the decisions made aren’t the result of hours of intense discussion and proper planning. Typically, decisions are made based on time, money, and, most importantly, someone’s schedule.

4. You’ll be treated like an adult

Being legally an adult doesn’t mean you’re going to be treated like one once you arrive at your first unit. The fact is, many newbies aren’t mature enough to follow orders — and that screws it up for everybody else.

5.  You assume you won’t work as a janitor anymore

False. Every lower enlisted troop has to keep their barracks room and workspace super clean. That means you’ll spend plenty of time scrubbing the floors.

6. You’ll have tons of freedom

You’re still going to pull duty and you’ll work seven days a week while you’re deployed.

Also Read: 7 ways ‘Starship Troopers’ is the most outstanding moto film ever

7. You think you’re special for some reason

Troops get chosen for a variety of projects — it’s not because you scored high on a test or because of your out-of-this-world personality. It’s because the military has a job that needs to get done and you just happened to be standing around.

Articles

This is why the future of motocross is female

Pop quiz, hot shot:

What do gun enthusiasm, maritime rescues, and high-velocity dirt biking have in common?

? ? ? ? ? ? ?

Time’s up.


Those divergent interests all come together in Navy Vet and motocross racer, Jacqueline Carrizosa.

The former Navy gunner’s mate and rescue swimmer is, in post-military life, a rider on the rise in the Western U.S. amateur motocross circuit. And the time it took her to try to teach Oscar Mike host Ryan Curtis to stick one basic jump is, believe us, no reflection on her abilities.

Check out a side-by-side comparison, Ryan v. Jacqueline, leaping the same stretch of track.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017
Ryan (top), floating like a tank. Jacqueline (bottom), flying Navy Air. (Go90 Oscar Mike screenshot)

Yeah. She’s awesome.

As a teenager, Carrizosa had trouble staying on the straight and narrow after her family moved from California to Las Vegas, but she thrived in the Navy, excelling at physically demanding and traditionally male-dominated disciplines.

When things got rocky again after she left active duty, the same approach helped her. She found structure and purpose in highly skilled action sports, specifically motocross. Her advice?

“Establish something that makes you money, you know what I mean? But also keep your soul alive. You gotta follow your heart. I would say 85% heart, 15% brain.”

Jacqueline Carrizosa. WISE.

But it all proved a little too much for Curtis. The motocross badassery, the beauty, the sheer volume of withering sass. A day at the track with Carrizosa hit him right in the feels (understandable).

And so, completely biffing the ratio, he went 100% heart, 0% brains.

Top 10 ‘Terminal Lance’ comics from 2017

You don’t have to imagine how that went over. All you gotta do is watch as Curtis gets his motocross mojo crossed, in the video embedded at the top.

Watch more Oscar Mike:

This Green Beret will make you a mental commando

The Marine Rapper will make you shake your Citizen Rump

This Iraq vet kayaker will make you rethink PTSD

This is what happens when a Navy SEAL becomes an actor

This is what happens when a SEAL helps you with your lady problems