Marine drill instructors go through some intense training to earn the military occupational specialty of 0911. With various tasks they have to complete on a daily basis, DIs have to be mentally and physically stronger than of those they train — consistently being on top of their game at all times and never letting anyone spot their flaws or weaknesses.
Despite what is typically a male-dominated world, no doubt these powerful female television characters could make badass drill instructors if they wanted to.
Played by Mariska Hargitay, this strong female lead has the ability to look deep into your soul and break you down from the inside out — a natural talent that can’t be taught.
2. Catherine Willows (C.S.I)
Played by Marg Helgenberger, this super smart detective takes pride in her ability to take down the bad guys with her attention to detail and exceptional investigative skills. Her focus on the most minute details would be perfect for finding flaws in someone’s uniform on inspection day.
3. Brenda Leigh Johnson (The Closer)
Played by Kyra Sedgwick, this determined leader of the major crimes division of the LAPD has no issue offending her peers to get the job done — a perfect trait for a DI.
4. Jane Tennison (Prime Suspect)
Played by Helen Mirren, this brilliant sleuth is one the first female chief inspectors of London’s Metro Police Service who looks to drive herself up in the rank structure. She’s highly moto!
5. Lydia Adams (Southland)
Played by Regina King, after years of working in some intense police situations, Adams’ passion for justice and her strong personality would have landed her in the right spot to scream at recruits to cover down and get in-line.
6. Jane Rizzoli (Rizzoli Isles)
Played by Angie Harmon, a homicide detective who is known for her raspy voice and quick decision-making skills, Rizzoli would be perfect for playing f*ck-f*ck games with future Marines.
She even knows proper trigger-finger placement before she’s prepared to fire. Outstanding! (Source: TNT )
7. Rosa Diaz (Brooklyn 9-9)
Played by Stephanie Beatriz, this detective is known for her stoic attitude and hard-hitting nature. Her strong physical stature allows her to bring down the hardened criminals in the rough streets of Brooklyn, making her a perfect candidate to shape up those recruits that will stand on the famous yellow footprints of MCRD.
In the first full trailer for Snowden, Oliver Stone’s biopic of the NSA contractor who leaked classified documents to the media in 2013, the director makes clear that he thinks Edward Snowden is an American hero.
The movie version of Snowden (played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt) is a good soldier who trains on broken legs without complaint for two weeks, aspired to serve in special forces and wants to join the CIA to serve his country. He is shocked by what he sees at the NSA and wants the rest of America to make an informed decision in the privacy versus security debate.
All of this matches up perfectly with Vietnam veteran Stone’s long-time movie obsessions with shadowy government figures and national security. After getting delayed twice, the movie finally opens in theaters on September 16.
Well, we’ve covered what the Army would want to work on in 2018. Now, it’s the Navy’s turn. Some parts of the Navy have had a horrible year. So, what would the Navy want to work on?
4. An accelerated shipbuilding program
Let’s face it, the Navy at present has a grand total of 279 ships. This has primarily been due to the “peace dividend,” from the end of the Cold War. In 1987, the United States Navy had 594 ships. This included a force of 14 carriers to today’s 11, 102 submarines back then as opposed to 52 today, and 115 frigates compared to eight Littoral Combat Ships. The Navy wants to reach 355 ships by 2037. That’s a long time. This is something that should go high on the list of things to be corrected.
3. Help pilots breathe in flight
Some Navy pilots (notably those flying the T-45 Goshawk and F/A-18 Hornet) have been experiencing what the DOD calls “physiological events” (hypoxia) while in flight. The Heritage Foundation noted that the first six months of 2017 saw 52 such incidents, while 114 took place in 2016. If pilots can’t breathe, they have a hard time fighting. Getting to the bottom of why pilots aren’t getting enough oxygen needs to happen, stat.
2. Buy enough Lightnings
The Navy needs to replace 546 A to D model Hornets. The plan is to buy 327 F-25Cs. Now, while the F-35 is a good airplane, the fact of the matter is that it has not mastered the art of being in two places at once. Replacing the legacy Hornets on a one-for-one basis seems like a much better bet.
1. Give the SEALs a break
While units like the Navy SEALs have been responsible for some of the biggest successes in the War on Terror (like killing Osama bin Laden), what isn’t know is that they have been running hard. A commentary by the Heritage Foundation stated that some of these operators have had a dozen deployments – or more. That is a lot in the 16 years since 9/11. There are two ways to fix this: First is to take a hard look at the missions SEALs are asked to perform. The second is to expand the size of the force. Navy leadership needs to do both.
What do you think the Navy needs to work on in 2018?
Historically, the military has relied on clearly defined boundaries of acceptable interaction between the officer and enlisted ranks to maintain good order and discipline.
It is a long-standing custom that dates back hundreds of years and has proven itself effective time after time. But not everyone feels it’s a custom worth holding on to.
“I think there should not be a difference between officer and enlisted ranks,” said former Air Force officer Shannon Corbeil. “I believe we should all reach rank based on experience and accomplishment.”
On the other hand, Chase Millsap — another former officer — believes the military should maintain its course because officers bring leadership experience accomplished through higher learning and training.
Troops come from every walk of life before they serve in the military. Rarely will you find any kind of unifying thread among them like a shared love of American Football. And it’s a service-wide love. Whether the troop was a hardcore fan of their team before they enlisted or it’s just a hobby that they picked up to be part of the conversation, troops love football in all forms.
These are the 4 top reasons why football is the best military pastime.
4. Football as PT
Coming up with an in-depth PT schedule is tricky. You need to balance what makes for a great, full-body workout while also keeping morale up. This is where sports PT comes in.
You’ll see troops who went on a “no ruck march” profile from the doctor earlier in the week be miraculously healed when they hear it’s football day.
How NCOs look trying to catch people breaking profile. (Image via GIPHY)
3. Playing Madden with the boys
After work is done and the lower enlisted go back to the barracks, one of the most common games they’ll pop in the Xbox or Playstation is that year’s edition of Madden.
It’s all fun and games until someone loses and a controller goes through the TV.
But hey! It’s the only way a Cleveland Browns fan can go to the Super Bowl. (Image via GIPHY)
2. Fantasy Football leagues
Every now and then, one of the nerdier troops brings up playing Dungeons and Dragons. They’ll probably get mocked for even suggesting the idea.
But if you change the fantasy setting to “Football” and then add a cash prize and a cheap $20 trophy… all of the sudden, everyone knows every player on every team.
Calvin Johnson gave everyone a reason to watch a Detroit Lions game. (Image via GIPHY)
1. Watching the actual game
While deployed, it doesn’t matter what time it is: If your team is playing, you’re finding a way to watch the game on AFN.
At the end of the day, no matter who you cheer for or whether you watch NFL or NCAA, troops will latch on to their home team and use them as an anchor to their friends and family back home. For a few hours each week, it bonds troops who cheer together and poke fun at fans of the other team — even if they’re sitting right there.
Joe Avella: In the span of three movies the “John Wick” films have racked up a body count of nearly 300. And to do that, you need guns.
John Wick: Lots of guns.
Joe: Meet Taran Butler. He’s a world champion competitive shooter. He’s also the owner of Taran Tactical. They’re responsible for teaching some of Hollywood’s top action stars how to handle firearms for film and television. Today, for the first time ever, I’ll be shooting a pistol, a shotgun, and an assault rifle just to see how Keanu learned to look like an expert marksman for the big screen. What’s the worst that could happen?
Could you imagine if we were doing this with the loaded guns? I would’ve shot all my feet off.
First, the stars of “John Wick” had to learn some basics before they could start shooting like international assassins.
Jade Struck: So we have this thing called 180-degree line. So when you’re the shooter on the firing line, think of it like there’s a force field pulling your muzzle downrange. Never bring the muzzle back past the 180-degree line. Finger off the trigger, unless you’re shooting. And always treat every gun as if though it’s loaded. I’m gonna teach you how to check to make sure that they’re not.
Joe: After getting a feel for the pistol, it was time for the real deal.
How Keanu Reeves Learned To Shoot Guns For ‘John Wick’ | Movies Insider
Taran Butler: So we’ve got the three primary pistols of “John Wick” two and three. This is the gun you were training with with Jade. The gun that you see Keanu training with here on the range with a lot. In “John Wick 3,” Charon suggests, he goes, “John, since you’ve been gone something new has come out. The 2011 Combat Master. Loaded in 9 millimeter major, 125 grain bullet, major business.” So both guns shoot 9 millimeter.
Taran: The difference is, is this gun here can shoot 9 millimeter major. This is the 9 millimeter major, it’s a lot taller ’cause it’s got a lot more powder in it. The only difference is more powder. So, regular 9 millimeter on the left, 9 major on the right.
Joe: Yeah, that was awesome.
Taran: This gun here is Halle Berry’s Glock 19 from “John Wick 3.” So when the shoot-out takes place, she grabs this gun off one of the bad guys. She enjoyed the hard work and training. She had three broken ribs through most of the training here. So she wasn’t at her top. Same with Keanu, getting beat up on the horses. But she just got really good at it, and I’d say, hands down, she’s the best female weapons handler in Hollywood.
Joe: Taran has Hollywood’s action stars start with a small firearm and a simple combo.
Taran: Let’s do something fun and fast first. First off, no surfing, you were laid back like Jeff Spicoli. OK, start on this guy, easiest guy in the world. I’m gonna say, “Shooter ready, stand by.” When you hear the beep, you’re gonna come up, two to the body, one to the head. It’s called the Mozambique.
Joe: Two to the body, one to the head.
Taran: Yeah. Shooter ready, stand by.
Joe: Did I get him? Taran: You got in the head, it counts. Pop the safety on when you’re done. Finger off the trigger. OK, that’s 4:41, let’s destroy that time. Just do one more clean one, no box-offices fiascos. Shooter ready, stand by. Good, OK, that was 1:63.
Joe: Hey, all right!
Taran: You went from 4:41 to 1:63 in a couple rounds.
Joe: Booyah. It’s easy.
The next level is rifle handling. Placement is key, as is learning how to smoothly replace your ammo.
John Wick: I need something robust, precise.
Sommelier: Robust, precise. AR-15. 11.5 inch, compensated with an iron-bonded bolt carrier.
Joe: All right, so it’s, like, here?
Jade: Left hand out farther. Boom boom boom, drop. Yep, you’re good, keep it going.
Joe: As I’m going.
Jade: Watch it go in. Button. Paddle.
Joe: What button?
Jade: It’s this paddle right there.
Joe: Oh, why do I…? Oh, Jesus!
Jade: So, drop the bolt. Drop the bolt, and then you’re back on.
Joe: Gotcha. Boom boom, boom boom. Oh no, I’m out.
Jade: Feed, button, on. Good! We’re learning how to manipulate our weapons without ammunition in them so we know all of the functions.
Joe: Could you imagine if we were doing this with the loaded guns? I would’ve shot all my feet off.
Jade: Oh, goodness.
Joe: The true test was a more complicated combo. One similar to the kind Keanu and Halle had to master before hitting the set.
Taran: The director, Chad Stahelski, he wanted everything. He wanted three-gun loading, he wanted all kinds of ways to load the shotgun, all kinds of pistol reload, transitions, rifle, shotgun, pistol, everything.
Boom boom boom, boom boom, boom boom, ding. That’s it.
Joe: All right, this might take a while.
Taran: You can do it, Mr. Wick. Shooter ready, stand by. Faster. Little guy. Good!
Joe: All right.
Taran: Safety on? Joe: Yes, sir.
Taran: You’re at 13:67, a lot better than 27 seconds. You want to do it again?
Joe: Yeah, of course.
Taran: Are you sure you’re not bored yet?
Joe: Yeah, this is awesome.
Taran: Let me fix that one plate so it’s not in your way this time.
Joe: It’s funny, he’s so good with guns, he’s just like, “Let me move that for you,” ba-bam. Now, it was Taran’s turn. Shooter ready, stand by. 5.17, that’s ridiculous. Last but not least, it was time to try out a “John Wick” fan favorite.
Sommelier: May I suggest the Benelli M4? An Italian classic.
Taran: In “John Wick 3,” by far the coolest part was the quad loading with the shotgun. That’s something, no movie would ever have done that. Quad loading is a very difficult thing to learn, and only a few people can do it really good. So we got that going, and towards the end he did amazing.
Joe: Is this thing gonna, like, have a real big kick that’s gonna hurt?
Taran: No, there’s no recoil at all on this one. Good, that guy. Little guy.
Jade: Lean into it.
Joe: Ah, I think I’m out.
Taran: Oh, match saver! Ah, “You set me up!” All right.
Joe: Oh, that’s what that last one was for.
Taran: Yeah, the match saver.
Jade: Good job!
Joe: Thank you very much.
Joe: How come those guys didn’t fall down?
Taran: They did, but they came back up.
Joe: Oh, OK. Thank God.
Taran: I’ll finish them off.
Joe: I love this habit you have of being like, “Let me take care of that,” bang. Are you walking around the house like, “Let me get the lights,” pow pow?
Taran: Pretty much.
This article originally appeared on Business Insider. Follow @BusinessInsider on Twitter.
Military movies are emotional to watch as many are based on real and fascinating stories of man’s ability to overcome any obstacle and fulfill his or her goals and destiny and all that sh*t.
With so many important aspects to pay attention to, filmmakers commonly make mistakes that veteran moviegoers can spot.
So check out some epic mistakes we managed to find in our favorite Hollywood war films.
1. Where did the German tank go?
“Saving Private Ryan” is one of the best war movies ever recorded on film, but that doesn’t mean it’s flawless. In the 3rd act — just as the final firefight is about to end — Capt. Miller fires his pistol at a tank headed toward him. After firing a few shots, the tank blows up, bursting into flames and stopping dead in its tracks.
The tank surprisingly blowing up isn’t the mistake, but moments later the Tiger tank vanishes.
It must have been magic, right? (Source: Dream Works)
2. Playing musical chairs
In Mel Gibson’s “Hacksaw Ridge,” Desmond Doss sits on the right side of the bus saying his goodbye to his girl.
Cut to a few moments later and Desmond is now sitting on the left side of the bus after it departs the station.
3. No force protection…at all
In the Clint Eastwood directed “American Sniper,” the SEAL team enjoys a meal with an Iraqi man and his family who is about to be discovered for being a bad guy. Although the team is on a crucial mission, the lights are on, and someone forgot to close the curtains on the window.
4. A non-combatant?
We love the film “Full Metal Jacket” just as much as other veterans, but this Stanley Kubrick directed film has a lot of screw-ups — especially here. As the Marine squad advances on the Vietnamese sniper, you can spot a crew member in the bottom of the frame. Oops!
5. Marine sniper training on an Air Force base?
In 2006, Universal pictures gave us the Desert Storm film “Jarhead,” directed by Sam Mendes. In this scene, Anthony Swofford (played by Jake Gyllenhaal) reports for bugle tryouts at the Marine Corps parade deck. Look at the water tower behind him; the Air Combat Command emblem is clearly represented in this shot. The A.C.C. is a major command of the Air Force and wouldn’t be located on the Marine Corps base.
The wholly irreverent, veteran-fueled, zombie killing adventure ‘Range 15’ hit Los Angeles last week – and We Are The Mighty was invited to the party. WATM host Weston Scott ripped off his sleeves and dove into the fun with the guys of Article 15 and Ranger Up, taking over Ye Rustic Inn before taking over the red carpet at the Vista Theater in Hollywood.
Enjoy this look behind the scenes of “the most decorated movie of all times” (as Ranger Up!’s Nick Palmisciano puts it).
With all the dumb stuff that’s going on in the world today, it’s a damn good thing that the military never loses its sense of humor. In fact, we’re constantly busy coming up with new and hilarious ways to bash on rival branches in good fun.
So, get ready for a few jokes that we’re confident you’re going to repeat later… probably at the bar.
An old veteran walks into a grocery store. Immediately, the cashier stops him and says, “sir, your barracks door is open.” At first, he pays zero attention to her because he doesn’t live in the barracks. So, he continues shopping until he spots a man stocking some shelves. He tells him what the cashier said and asks what she could’ve meant.
He tells the veteran that his fly is open.
After completing his shopping, he goes back to the same cashier and says, “ma’am, you told me my barracks door was open. While you were looking, did you see a Marine standing at attention, saluting?”
The cashier replies, “no, sir. I just saw an old, retired veteran lying on two seabags.”
A sailor tells a joke to two Marines
A sailor in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and asks, “hey, do you want to hear a Marine joke?” The guy responds, “well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I’m 6-foot tall, I weigh 200 pounds, and I’m a Marine.”
“The guy sitting next to me,” he continues, “is 6′ 2″, weighs 250 pounds, and he’s also a Marine. Now, you still wanna tell me that joke?”
The sailor says, “nah, I don’t want to have to explain it more than twice.”
I found these memes. I have no idea what else you want from me in these things. Like, you’re only here for the memes, right?
Why are you still reading this? The memes are RIGHT there, just below this. Scroll down, laugh, and share them. Stop reading. If you want to read so much, we have lots of actual articles. Like this one. I was proud after writing this one. Lots of audience members enjoyed this one.
So like, scroll to the memes or click on one of the links. These paragraphs are nonsense in literally every memes list. I just think of 50-ish words to put here and hope no one notices them.
1. Let’s be honest, Canadian snipers can kill you regardless of distance, but they’ll only do it if you’re rude.
2. If you somehow haven’t seen this video, you have to. Never seen someone this poised after the enemy misses by a fraction of a degree (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting).
Spending an hour listening to “After Action with Max and Paul” –a podcast about national security, military life, and other random bullsh*t – is like spending an hour with Max and Paul themselves. While you’re listening, you genuinely feel as if you’re hanging out with your best veteran friends… if your best veteran friends are prominent members of the Marine Corps veteran community, that is.
Max Uriarte is the mind behind “Terminal Lance,” a Marine Corps-based comic strip he created while he was still in the Corps. He also created Terminal Lance’s crowdfunded offshoot, “The White Donkey.” Since being published in 2016, “The White Donkey” has become a New York Times bestseller and Uriarte is working on an “omnibus” of Terminal Lance strips.
The two are very busy. And they are really good friends. And it shows as you listen to their podcast.
“Me and Max hang out quite a bit and we always have these conversations” Szoldra says. “We’re just talking about the news or what’s going on in the military space, and it always bounces around so much. One day we both realized, hey, we should record this. This might be something people would like to listen to. So, we did.”
For all the joking about their other projects, they are extremely grounded in reality and it shows in what they choose to talk about — some of the most divisive wedge issues among the military-veteran community. The Trump trans-ban, North Korea, and whatever else may have come up that week, for example.
The issues many veteran-related blogs and websites are polarized about Max and Paul laugh and riff on – then they inject a dose of reality or humor to the discussion.
Paul: Most of the arguments against women in the infantry are really dumb. They could be dismissed pretty easily. Most of them against are basically like “men are shitty.” Or, like, “Oh, they’re gonna inconvenience everybody ’cause they gotta use different toilets,” or something. Really, like that’s gonna be so difficult?
Maximilian: I think what’s funny is men … we can get super feminist, political about this because this is sort of a larger issue too. … You know, men get so worried about women’s genitals. They’re like, “How are they gonna handle their period?” Let them worry about it.
Paul: They already go to the field. They already go to basic training.
Maximilian: “They’re bleeding down there. I don’t know, it’s a problem. What are they gonna do? I don’t think they should be there.” I don’t know. They handle it.
Paul: “And they attract bears. You know that, right? It’s science. Okay?”
Maximilian: I think there could be a discussion about the logistical difficulties, but it’s one of those things where we’re so past the point of debate. You can’t go back with it now. Right now it’s more like, “How do I make this work?”
Paul: Yeah, and everybody’s still yelling about, “Women shouldn’t be the infantry.” It’s like, well-
Maximilian: They’re already out there.
It’s not all about serious issues with Max and Paul. The same conversation recounted above eventually evolves into a discussion about women in the infantry in “Starship Troopers,” movies in general, and then dragons.
As with most discussions that turn to politics, not everyone will agree with Max. Or Paul. Or Max and Paul. But what you get is a really hilarious and irreverent back and forth that will make even the most closed-minded person crack a smile. They may even rope in one of their Marine friends via phone or Skype (in their second episode, they call Jack Mandaville, star of “Range 15” and outspoken “former Marine”).
“We’re sort of both leveraging our kind of pseudo-celebrity status to get the coolest guests that we can get,” Uriarte laughs. “We got a lot of great people coming on the show. Everyone seems to like it a lot.”
But there is something for everyone, not just Marines. And not just veterans. Max and Paul are two very talented, educated, and witty individuals — and it shows in their work, especially “After Action With Max and Paul.”
Here’s Mandatory Fun’s interview with Max Urierte in which he explains the “After Action” podcast.
To observe Purple Heart Day, WATM is celebrating some of the heroes we’ve featured on the site who kept fighting after they were wounded:
1. Air Force combat controller Robert Gutierrez thought he would die within three minutes after being shot through the lung in Afghanistan, but he kept calling in air strikes, saving his element and earning himself the Air Force Cross.
2. Joe Pinder left professional baseball to volunteer for the Army in World War II. He was wounded almost immediately after leaving his boat on D-Day, but refused medical aid and searched through the surf and chaos to find missing radio equipment. He finished finding and assembling the missing equipment right before he was killed.
5. Nine Green Berets and Afghan Commandos were seriously wounded but kept fighting in the Battle of Shok Valley, including Staff Sgt. Daniel Behr who had his leg nearly amputated by enemy fire at the start of the conflict but stayed in the fight for another 6 hours.
7. The possible first casualty on D-Day was an airborne lieutenant who was mortally wounded before jumping into Normandy, meaning he could have stayed on the plane and sought medical attention. He led his paratroopers out the door anyway.
8. 2nd Lt. Daniel Inouye was shot just before he took out two German machine gun nests with grenades and a Thompson submachine gun. Then, after his arm was nearly severed by an enemy grenade, he took out a third machine gun nest.
Here at We Are The Mighty, we can understand if people are worried about getting their ass kicked by SEAL Team 6.
So, as a public service, here are some pointers on how to stay off DevGru’s Naughty List:
1. Don’t be a terrorist
SEAL Team 6 is the Navy’s dedicated counter-terrorist group. If you’re not a terrorist, they have no professional interest in giving you an ass-kicking at all. But if you are a terrorist, they will have a very professional interest in ruining your day and going through your stuff.
So, you may ask, “Why might they think I am a terrorist?” Well, if you join a terrorist group, they might think you are a terrorist. Here is a very handy list of groups, courtesy of the State Department, to not hang out with:
Abu Nidal Organization (ANO)
Abu Sayyaf Group (ASG)
Aum Shinrikyo (AUM)
Basque Fatherland and Liberty (ETA)
Gama’a al-Islamiyya (Islamic Group) (IG)
Harakat ul-Mujahidin (HUM)
Kahane Chai (Kach)
Kurdistan Workers Party (PKK) (Kongra-Gel)
Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam (LTTE)
National Liberation Army (ELN)
Palestine Liberation Front (PLF)
Palestinian Islamic Jihad (PIJ)
Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine (PFLF)
Communist Party of the Philippines/New People’s Army (CPP/NPA)
Jemaah Islamiya (JI)
Lashkar i Jhangvi (LJ)
Ansar al-Islam (AAI)
Continuity Irish Republican Army (CIRA)
Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (formerly al-Qa’ida in Iraq)
Islamic Jihad Union (IJU)
Harakat ul-Jihad-i-Islami/Bangladesh (HUJI-B)
Revolutionary Struggle (RS)
Kata’ib Hizballah (KH)
al-Qa’ida in the Arabian Peninsula (AQAP)
Harakat ul-Jihad-i-Islami (HUJI)
Tehrik-e Taliban Pakistan (TTP)
Army of Islam (AOI)
Indian Mujahedeen (IM)
Jemaah Anshorut Tauhid (JAT)
Abdallah Azzam Brigades (AAB)
Haqqani Network (HQN)
Ansar al-Dine (AAD)
Ansar al-Shari’a in Benghazi
Ansar al-Shari’a in Darnah
Ansar al-Shari’a in Tunisia
ISIL Sinai Province (formally Ansar Bayt al-Maqdis)
Mujahidin Shura Council in the Environs of Jerusalem (MSC)
Jaysh Rijal al-Tariq al Naqshabandi (JRTN)
Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant’s Branch in Libya (ISIL-Libya)
Al-Qa’ida in the Indian Subcontinent
2. Don’t support terrorists
If you provide money, supplies, or even a place to stay to a member of a group on the State Department’s list, you’ve supported terrorism. This is bad.
Other activities, like drug trafficking, money laundering, recruiting members of terrorist groups, training new members of terrorist groups, and other forms of facilitating can get you on the official ass kicking list.
If terrorists approach you and ask you for help, mutter an excuse and GTFO.
Once you’ve fled, check out the Rewards for Justice web site; turning a terrorist in could be a way to set yourself up for life. Some terrorists could get you up to $25 million.
Wouldn’t you rather have $25 million than an ass-kicking courtesy of SEAL Team 6?
3. If the SEALs pay a visit, don’t resist
Seen through the greenish glow of night vision goggles, Navy SEALs prepare to breach a locked door in Osama Bin Laden’s compound in the hyper-realistic action thriller from director Kathryn Bigelow, “Zero Dark Thirty.” (Image: Columbia Pictures)
Now, let’s assume that you were dumb enough to attract the professional attention of the SEALs by ignoring Rules 1 and 2. You can still avoid an ass-kicking, but you need to use the common sense you have failed to use up to the point where the SEALs are kicking in the door.
Do not resist. Keep your hands where the SEALs can see them. Do not struggle.
You may get yourself taken to Guantanamo Bay for a while, and yes, the SEALs will take your stuff and look for anything with intelligence value (and some of it may become trophies), but you should be safe from a beating.
Here’s the deal. SEALs are professionals. They’re not gonna kill you just for sh*ts and giggles. But they also intend to go home to their families.
If a SEAL thinks there’s danger present, he’s gonna mitigate that threat.
Don’t threaten Navy SEALs, dude. Just…don’t.
4. Be very cooperative
In addition to not resisting, it would be very helpful to cooperate with the SEALs. Answer their questions. Here are a few phrases to practice:
“I will answer your questions.”
“This is the boss’s laptop and cell phone.”
“I can show you where the booby traps are.”
“Our cash is over there.”
“Our records are in these filing cabinets.”
“My password is [tell them your password].”
“The combination to the safe is [tell them the combo]”
You may still get the all-expenses paid trip to Gitmo, but the SEALs will note that you were highly cooperative. Your stay there will be much more comfortable than if you clam up.
Follow these rules and you might not get your ass kicked by SEAL Team 6.