The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year - We Are The Mighty
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The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

The United States Navy saw some big leaps forward over the last year. A total of eight ships were commissioned in 2017, including the first of a new class of nuclear-powered aircraft carrier, an expeditionary support base, and two Arleigh Burke-class guided-missile destroyers. That’s an increase from the five commissioned in 2016.


These are the new ships:

8. USS Gabrielle Giffords (LCS 10)

This Independence-class littoral combat ship was commissioned on June 10, 2017. Armed with a 57mm gun, the SeaRAM point-defense system, and some .50-caliber machine guns, this vessel primarily brings speed to the table, but still packs a punch.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
The littoral combat ship USS Gabrielle Giffords (LCS 10) transits San Diego Bay to arrive at the ship’s homeport of Naval Base San Diego. Gabrielle Giffords is the newest Independence-variant littoral combat ship and one of seven littoral combat ships homeported in San Diego. (U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist Seaman Nicholas Burgains)

7. USS John Finn (DDG 113)

Named after a sailor who received the Medal of Honor for his actions during the Dec. 7, 1941 attack on Pearl Harbor, the first of the restarted Arleigh Burke-class destroyers was commissioned on July 15, 2017. The U.S. Navy decided to begin production on this class of vessel after the decision was made to stop the Zumwalt class at three hulls.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
The Arleigh Burke-class guided-missile destroyer USS John Finn (DDG 113) arrives at Joint Base Pearl Harbor-Hickam in preparation for its commissioning ceremony. DDG 113 is named in honor of Lt. John William Finn, who as a chief aviation ordnanceman was the first member of our armed services to earn the Medal of Honor during World War II for heroism during the attack on Pearl Harbor. (U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist Randi Brown)

6. USS Gerald R. Ford (CVN 78)

This nuclear-powered aircraft carrier, the first in her class, entered service on July 22, 2017. This ship was supposed to replace USS Enterprise (CVN 65) in 2015, but was delayed. She is slated to make her first deployment in 2020.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
Sailors man the rails of the aircraft carrier USS Gerald R. Ford (CVN 78) during its commissioning ceremony at Naval Station Norfolk, Va. Ford is the lead ship of the Ford-class aircraft carriers, and the first new U.S. aircraft carrier designed in 40 years. (Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 2nd Class Andrew J. Sneeringer)

5. USS Rafael Peralta (DDG 115)

This destroyer, named for a posthumously awarded Navy Cross recipient from Operation Iraqi Freedom, entered the Navy on July 29, 2017. Funnily enough, the ship with the previous hull number, the future USS Ralph Johnson (DDG 114), won’t be commissioned until March of 2018.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
USS Rafael Peralta (DDG 115) successfully completed acceptance trials after spending two days underway off the coast of Maine. (U.S. Navy photo)

4. USS Lewis B. Puller (ESB 3)

The USS Lewis B. Puller was commissioned on Aug. 17, 2017 at Khalifa bin Salman Port in Al Hidd, Bahrain, making it the first U.S. ship to be commissioned in foreign territory. The Lewis B. Puller was slated to be operated by Military Sealift Command, but lawyers ended up requiring the ship be commissioned. This is, essentially, a floating base for SEALs and mine-countermeasures units.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
USS Lewis B. Puller (ESB 3). (U.S. Navy photo)

3. USS Washington (SSN 787)

This Virginia-class submarine was commissioned on Oct. 7, 2017 and she has a big legacy to live up to. The last USS Washington (BB 56), a North Carolina-class battleship, is famous for a point-blank slug-fest with HIJMS Kirishima. Only time will tell if SSN 787 will earn the same kind of prestige.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
The Virginia-class attack submarine Pre-Commissioning Unit (PCU) Washington (SSN 787) is moored pier side in preparation for commissioning ceremony, Oct. 7. Washington is the U.S. Navy’s 14th Virginia-class attack submarine and the third commissioned Navy ship named for the State of Washington. (U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 3rd Class Joshua M. Tolbert)

2. USS Portland (LPD 27)

This ship, the 11th San Antonio-class amphibious ship, was delivered to the Navy on Dec. 14, 2017. So technically, its actual commission will be in 2018. While the class was slated to stop, it may continue with the future USS Fort Lauderdale (LPD 28), which is currently under construction.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
The amphibious transport dock ship USS Portland (LPD 27) has conducts its first set of sea trials in the Gulf of Mexico. (U.S. Navy photo by Lance Davis)

1. USS Little Rock (LCS 9)

Commissioned on Dec. 16, 2017, this Freedom-class littoral combat ship will be the fifth vessel of its class to serve in the Navy. Plans call for another 12 Freedom-class vessels to join the Navy.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
USS Little Rock (LCS 9) enters Buffalo prior to being commissioned. (Wikimedia Commons)

According to the Navy League, the Navy has ten ships slated for commissioning through the end of next year. Three ships are planned for 2019 so far. New carriers, the future USS John F. Kennedy (CVN 79) and the future USS Enterprise (CVN 80), will enter service in 2020 and 2027, respectively.

Humor

The 13 funniest memes for the week of June 8th

Just when you thought things were getting nice and boring, a 1st Lt goes and steals an APC and drives it through Richmond. You know, deep down, the mechanic responsible for that vehicle is secretly proud that their M577 managed to keep up in a police pursuit.

The APC started up, managed to get off base and drive 60 miles to Richmond with the cops on his ass within 2 hours — all without breaking down. Sure, that lieutenant is going to be turning big rocks into smaller rocks for a while but, holy crap, someone give that motor sergeant a medal!


The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

(Meme via Air Force Nation)

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

(Meme via Why I’m Not Re-Enlisting)

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

(Meme via Valhalla Wear)

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

(Meme via Awesome Sh*t My Drill Sergeant Says)

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

(Meme via Army as F*ck)

“I went where you told me. I took a left on Victory Road and still didn’t see it.”

(It’s funny because every installation has at least two “Victory Road”s.)

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

(Meme via Sh*t My LPO Says)

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

(Meme via PT Belt Nation)

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

I swear that this is the last ACP Joyrider meme… this week…

(Meme via Artillery Moments)

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

(Meme via Sh*t My LPO Says)

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

(Meme via OAF Nation)

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

(Meme via Untied Status Marin Crops)

Articles

6 superheroes who were also Air Force officers

They aren’t the shoot-em-up kind of superheroes, but equally awesome in their own way.


1. Maj. Carol Danvers (Ms. Marvel)

Major Danvers is a trained military intelligence officer and erstwhile spy. She’s one of the most distinguished officers in the superhero universe, a graduate of the Air Force Academy, where Nick Fury recruited her for the CIA. Retiring from the Air Force as a Colonel to be Chief of Security at NASA before becoming half-Kree (a militaristic alien race in the Marvel Universe) and then becoming Captain Marvel after meeting a Kree alien named Mar-Vell, but she acquired superpowers after an explosion merged her DNA with the first Captain Marvel… well, it’s complicated. She is an author and feminist and her powers include flight, enhanced strength and durability, shooing energy bursts from her hands, and being able to verbally judo one Tony Stark.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

2. Capt. Hal Jordan (Green Lantern)

He was an elite pilot  who joined the Air Force on his 18th birthday and immediately became a test pilot (it doesn’t have to be realistic, it’s a comic, ok?) before joining the Green Lantern Corps. He was also a hot shot fighter pilot who fought aliens as well as North Koreans. He was kicked out after decking his superior officer, who wouldn’t let him take leave.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

3. Sam Wilson (Falcon)

Falcon is actually an enlisted airman, not an officer. He’s a former Air Force Pararescue Jumper (PJ), which makes him a great candidate for the superhero’s tendency to jump into the middle of a combat situation to ice evildoers and save lives. Not content with all that, he also counsels veterans with post-traumatic stress issues in his free time.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

4. Ben Grimm (The Thing)

Another Air Force test pilot (those guys are pretty ballsy, so it makes sense to turn them into superheroes), Grimm was also a Marine and an astronaut, which is how he became the Thing in the first place. For all the clobberin’ and poor use of the English language depicted in the films, Grimm is clearly the superhero with  the most book learnin’ and the most distinguished military career. Ben Grimm’s rock skin gives him super strength, durability, and resistance to extreme temperatures.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

5. Lt. Col. James  Rhodes (War Machine)

What better Air Force job could there be than to be the USAF Liaison to Genius, Billionaire, Playboy, Philanthropist — and your best friend, Tony Stark. That job is so awesome, it led to him being the only other person on Earth who gets to pilot a suit of armor on the level of Iron Man’s.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

6. Travis Morgan (Warlord)

Flying a recon mission over the North Pole led to a plane malfunction and an ejection over what should have been Northern Canada. when Morgan touched down, he found himself in the land of Skartaris, a barbarian world in another dimension, hidden inside the Earth’s core. He defeated an evil magician attempting to conquer Skartaris and became Warlord. He was able to return to Earth on occasion, which makes all of this sound like a deployment to Afghanistan.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

 

NOW: These military veterans created your favorite comic books

OR: 8 pilots who flew into hell to save ground troops

 

Articles

5 differences between Navy and Air Force fighter pilots

Both the Navy and Air Force fly jets, right? So what’s the difference between fighter pilots from the two branches of service?


The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
T-45 Goshawks (Photo: U.S. Navy)

1. Training

Both Air Force and Navy flight schools take just less than two years to go from indoc to winging. Air Force training starts with introductory flight training, which consists of 25 hours of hands-on flying for ROTC or Officer Training School graduates who don’t already have a civilian pilot’s license. The first phase also includes 25 hours of classroom instruction in flight techniques. This initial training takes place at one of three places: Columbus Air Force Base in Mississippi, Laughlin Air Force Base in Texas, or Vance Air Force Base in Oklahoma.

After that students go into specialized undergraduate pilot training, a year-long program of 10- to 12-hour days that include classroom instruction, simulator training and flying. Next, student go into one of four advanced training tracks based on class standing (fighter slots go to the top performers) and learn how to fly a specific type of aircraft like the T-1 or T-38.

Navy flight training starts at Training Air Wing Five at NAS Whiting Field, Florida or Training Air Wing Four at NAS Corpus Christi, Texas, where Student Naval Aviators learn to fly either the Beechcraft T-6B Texan II (JPATS) or the T-34C Turbo Mentor. This primary flight training teaches the basics of flying in approximately six months.

Upon successful completion of primary, student naval aviators are selected for one of four advanced flight training paths: E-6B Mercury, multi-engine propeller (maritime patrol) aircraft, helicopters, or tailhook aircraft. Selection is based on the needs of the service (USN, USMC, etc.), the student’s performance, and, lastly, the student’s preference.

SNAs selected for tailhook aircraft report to NAS Kingsville, Texas or NAS Meridian, Mississippi to start the advanced strike pipeline, which takes about 23 weeks.

The biggest difference between the USAF and USN training pipelines – what many would say is the biggest difference between the services period – is the fact that Navy pilots have to learn how to land on an aircraft carrier. This is very demanding and time consuming and many otherwise talented SNAs find they fall short when it comes to this requirement.

After pinning on either silver or gold wings, newly-minted fighter pilots report to a variety of operational bases to learn how to fly the airplane they will operate in defense of the nation.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
USAF T-6A Texan II (Photo: U.S. Air Force)

2. Career path

Both services try to strike a balance between operational, educational, and staff tours. Much of how a career goes is up to world events (ask those who joined just before 9/11) and individual aspirations. But, in general, pilots get two flying tours (five or six years worth) by the 10-year mark of a career and more after that if they are chosen to command squadrons or air wings.

It must also be noted that starting a few years ago, the Air Force has made more drone pilots than fighter pilots annually – something those with long-term career aspirations should keep in mind.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
(U.S. Air Force photo by Staff Sgt. Amber E. N. Jacobs)

3. Missions

Currently, Air Force fighter pilots are generally more specialized and focused on the air-to-air role. That focus involves a lot of radar training and intercept work as well as some dogfighting. In the event of a conflict against an adversary that poses a valid air threat, USAF assets would assume the offensive role, manning combat air patrol stations or conducting fighter sweeps through potentially hostile airspace.

Navy fighter pilots fly multi-mission aircraft so therefore they wind up flying a lot of missions beyond air-to-air while still striving to stay proficient in the dogfighting arena.

And Navy fighter pilot missions often begin and end aboard an aircraft carrier, which involves a level of training and focus foreign to Air Force pilots. (Air Force pilots seldom stress over the stick-and-rudder skills it takes to land their jets.)

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
Lobby of the Wolf Pack Lodge at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base in Ohio.

4. Duty stations

Both the Air Force and Navy have air stations dotted along the coasts of the United States. (Air Force bases are generally nicer in terms of facilities – including golf courses.) The Air Force also has bases around the world, some in garden spots like Bagram, Afghanistan and Incirlik, Turkey. Once again, the big difference between the two services is Navy fighter pilots spend a lot of time aboard aircraft carriers at sea.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
Super Hornet catching an arresting wire. (Photo: U.S. Navy)

 

5. Aircraft

The Blue Angels fly F/A-18s and the Thunderbirds fly F-16s. If you’re still on the fence, pick the service that has the flight demonstration team you like better.

 

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

Lists

5 things you should never say to a milspouse

1. When does he leave?

Please, please, please. Don’t ask this question. We are trying very hard to live in la la land. Right now that date is spoiling everything and haunting our every thought. Do you go to buy milk at the grocery store and cry when you happen to see THAT date on it? No? We do. We know you mean well, but instead of reminding us of impending doom….distract us. Oh, and don’t ask when he’s coming home either.



The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

2. How do you do it?

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Uh….we don’t have a choice. We are the lucky ones that fell head over heels in love with a man that happened to be in the military. It’s not something we chose, but someONE. If you really love someone, you’ll make whatever sacrifice necessary. And by the way…it’s not ALL bad! I truly love this life. Have you ever had a homecoming? You’ll never experience what I feel is the most amazing event EVER. I do it because I love him; I do it because I love military life.

3. Don’t you miss him?

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Yes. That’s why we buy wine.

4. Let me know if you need anything!

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

Just stop. Have you met a military spouse? We don’t ask for help. You don’t survive this life by being weak – we do it all ourselves. We fall into bed at the end of a very long day wondering how we’re going to do it again tomorrow and the next day for the next…how many days do we have left? In order to help us out, please be pushy. Try mowing the lawn without asking. I will never forget when I was cleaning the house one day only to look out the window and see my neighbor mowing the front lawn. He GOT it. And of course I cried. Someone noticed and didn’t make me ask for it. Yeah, maybe you don’t want to just show up with dinner because you don’t know our plans for that night…so instead pop a gift card to Panera in the mail. Or bring a dinner you prepared and froze to be used when we’re having that day. Tell her you feel the need to hang with the kids for a few hours at the park – we’ll know you are lying. But we’ll pretend you’re not. The point is, just do it. TELL us what you are doing. If you give us the opportunity to say no, we will.

5. How do you do it all?

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

Through God’s unending grace. Grace has become something I’ve been clinging to over the last several months. I always thought of grace as in forgiveness. To me they were simple synonyms. But man, God’s grace is so much more than that. It’s not just forgiveness for my screw-ups, it’s allowing me to screw up in the first place. See, I’m no longer afraid to fail. I WILL fail. It is something I have only now learned – I am not superwoman though non-military members will tell you so. I think that gets in your head after a while. We constantly worry that to everyone else we at least look like we have it altogether and I’m sure most of us take pride in that. But we forget that it’s okay to be a broken mess sometimes. We simply can’t be perfect. Once we begin to accept that, so much stress just seems to dissipate. Our life is stressful enough, don’t carry the baggage of being superwoman on top of it.

This article originally appeared on Military Spouse. Follow @MilSpouseMag on Twitter.

Lists

8 types of recruits you’ll meet in Marine Corps boot camp

The Marine Corps is filled with individuals from all walks of life. Regardless of where you came from, every single person who bears the title of United States Marine started out at either the Marine Corps Recruit Depot in San Diego, California or the one at Parris Island, South Carolina.


Marine recruits come from all over the country (some are even originally from other countries) to earn their place among the world’s finest fighting force. So, it should come as no surprise that you’re going to meet several different types of people as you train. Everyone’s different, sure, but you’re definitely going to meet these archetypes.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Cpl. Walter D. Marino II)

The athletic recruit

Atop the list is the most common type of recruit. It’s the people who spent their high school careers bouncing between different sports who have the easiest time with the physical training or “incentive” training. You might also find that some of the more physically fit recruits are some of the dumbest. But, then again, it is the Marine Corps.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

They’ll have no problem doing this kind of stuff.

(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Cpl. Joseph Jacob)

The bodybuilder recruit

At first glance, you might think this guy is the same as The Athlete — he’s not. Someone who has big muscles might not have an easy time with the cardio-based workout regimen put forth by Drill Instructors. Usually, these types are the berserker-class of recruit and they’ll do as much heavy lifting as they can to maintain their mass.

Make no mistake, though, big muscles will not intimidate Drill Instructors. In fact, they’ll probably pick The Bodybuilder out as a prime target to break mentally.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

There’re always bigger fish.

(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Cpl. Damon A. Mclean)

The JROTC douche

These are the types who show up to boot camp thinking they know how to play the game and usually try to be a guide for others right off the bat. The problem, however, is that they think their military knowledge is enough to get them through. They often underestimate the Drill Instructors and overestimate their own mental fortitude.

These d-bags show up cocky and leave feeling like the common folk.

The military brat

This person might not have been in JROTC, but they grew up hearing stories from one or both of their parents about boot camp from ages ago and show up thinking they know how it works. The truth is, they don’t — and they’ll come to understand that soon enough.

Their parents’ service isn’t encoded in their genetics. It doesn’t count for anything except (maybe) a cool story.

The ninja or thief 

They’ll try to tell you that no one steals in the Marine Corps. Yeah, that’s bullsh*t. People steal all the time and it’s certainly no secret. You’ll meet the thieving types during boot camp. The ones who will lie, cheat, and steal, either for personal gain or to help out their platoon.

When it comes time to return gear or someone needs a specific item (i.e. extra undershirts, peanut butter, etc.), you might be willing to cut a deal with them. Maybe you’ll take their midnight firewatch in exchange for their “services.” As much as it sucks to have something stolen, these types often come in handy in saving you (and the rest of the platoon) from an infamous “tornado.”

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

If they do become a scribe, make sure you’re friends. They may come in handy.

(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Cpl. Angelica Annastas)

The nerd recruit

These recruits are not very common but every platoon will have at least one. You often question why they chose the Marine Corps since their intelligence and physical performance level screams Air Force. They may not always be the most physically fit, but they’re often the most mentally strong since they have to compensate in some way.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Staff Sgt. Michael A. Blaha)

The artistic recruit

This can mean a few things. This recruit is good at drawing, painting, singing, or all of the above. Regardless, one thing is for sure: They’re here for the same reason you are. The drawing/painting types might end up as an “artist recruit” who paints emblems or draws cool things for the Drill Instructors, but they strive to be Marines first and foremost.

The grand old man recruit

They’re not actually very old, given the Marine Corps’ recruitment age cap is set to 28 without a waiver. Since a lot of recruits in boot camp are between 18 and 21, the “grand old man” is usually between 24 and 26. Most people around that age get sent during the spring or fall when the 17-year-old prospects are still in high school, but they still might end up in platoon full of much younger recruits.

They usually have a lot of life experience, some might even have college degrees or be married. These are the recruits you want to talk to for some wisdom since they know more about life than you do.

Lists

5 times US Navy ships returned to the fleet after severe damage

US Navy ships that take brutal hits often don’t return, but every once in awhile they bounce back from the damage. 

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
Oliver Hazard Perry’s battle flag hangs in Memorial Hall at the United States Naval Academy.

 


James Lawrence said, “don’t give up the ship” during the last fight of USS Chesapeake in 1813, and those words were emblazoned on Oliver Hazard Perry’s battle flag during the U.S. Navy’s decisive victory in the Battle of Lake Erie. That sentiment has proved to be very wise on the fighting seas since then. While the damage done to HSV-2 Swift in a recent attack looks bad, some US Navy ships have taken much worse and returned to active service.

Here are 5 examples:

1. USS San Francisco (SSN 711)

 

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
(Photo: U.S. Navy)

In the early morning hours of January 8, 2005, the fast attack submarine collided with a seamount that was not labeled on the charts the crew was using, suffering severe damage to the bow and killing one crew member and injuring 98 others. Despite the horrific-looking damage, San Francisco was repaired and will stay in the undersea inventory until sometime next year.

2. USS Cole (DDG 67)

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
(Photo: U.S. Navy)

 

On October 12, 2000, two Islamic militants detonated as much as 700 pounds of explosive against the hull of the vessel. Seventeen sailors were killed, 39 injured. The Cole suffered a 40-by-60-foot gash in the port hull and suffered some flooding. Despite the damage, the frigate was back in service in less than three years, and today is part of the fleet.

3. USS Samuel B. Roberts (FFG 58) ship

 

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
(Photo: U.S. Navy)

The USS Samuel B. Roberts came close to sinking after hitting an Iranian mine on April 14, 1988. The mine’s explosion damaged the ship’s keel, “breaking her back,” and threw the LM2500 gas turbine engines off their mounts. The ship was carried back to the United States for repairs and returned to service, sticking around for another 27 years after the attack.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
(Photo: U.S. Navy)

4. USS Stark (FFG 31)

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
(Photo: U.S. Navy)

 

USS Stark also came back from horrific damage. On May 17, 1987, the frigate was hit by two AM-39 Exocet anti-ship missiles fired by an Iraqi jet (reports disagree as to whether it was a Mirage F1 or a Dassault Falcon). The two hits killed 37 sailors and wounded 21 more. The Stark managed to get back to the United States for repairs and remained part of the fleet until 1999.

5. USS Laffey (DD 724) ship

 

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
(Photo: U.S. Navy)

World War II offers some classic stories of ships that came back. USS Laffey (DD 724) is the most notable, having survived four bomb hits and six kamikazes. Laffey not only survived but went on to serve with the United States during the Korean War and stayed in service until 1975. The destroyer eventually became a museum in South Carolina.

The wisdom of James Lawrence’s final command is readily apparent. The history of these five ships should rebut those who think the Swift’s had it.

Articles

7 mysteriously missing body parts of military leaders

When dictators get toppled or governments change, things get chaotic, to say the least. Sometimes a despotic leader gets to escape to Saudi Arabia to live the rest of his life, presumably not eating people.


The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
Looking at you, Idi Amin. You know what you did.

Democracies tend to have a more peaceful transfer of power, ones that don’t involve revolutionaries storming buildings and stringing people up. But in any conflict, there is always the chance that something will get lost to history.

I’m willing to bet these seven military leaders didn’t expect to end up as a decoration somewhere.

1. Oliver Cromwell’s Head

Cromwell has been called a lot of things: tyrant, dictator, hero. It all depends on your point of view. When he died in 1658, the state gave the former Lord Protector of England a fine funeral under his son, the new Lord Protector, Richard.

Unfortunately, Richard sucked at his job and the monarchy was restored. The new king, Charles II put everyone who killed his father, King Charles I, on trial immediately, with no exceptions. This included Oliver Cromwell’s corpse.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
Beat that, Game of Thrones.

Cromwell’s dead body unsurprisingly stayed silent on his guilt or innocence, was pronounced guilty, and hanged. He was then beheaded and the head put on a spike outside Parliament.

For like, 20 years.

In 1685, a storm blew the spike down, and sent the head flying into Parliament Square. It was picked up by guard who secretly took it home to sell it for cash. Instead, he got cold feet and hid it in the chimney until the day he died.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
No, this is not another stupid Jeff Dunham bit.

To make a long story short, the head was sold from collector to collector for a full 301 years before it was reburied in Cambridge.

2. Napoleon Bonaparte’s Penis

In 2007, Evan Lattimer’s father died. From him, she inherited Napoleon Bonaparte’s penis even though the French government swears the little corporal is not that of the Emperor.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
Napoleon or not, someone’s penis is missing.

In 1821, he died in exile on the island of St. Helena and while the British weren’t watching, the Corsican conducting Napoleon’s autopsy cut off a few pieces for some reason.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

It traveled around the world for decades, eventually ending up under the bed of American urologist John Kingsley Lattimer, who put it there and seldom showed anyone because “Dad believed that urology should be proper and decent and not a joke.”

3. Benito Mussolini’s Leg and Brain

Mussolini met a pretty ignominious end during WWII. He was captured by Italian anti-Fascist partisans, beaten and then strung up by his feet. The U.S. Army ordered the bodies taken down and eventually placed Il Duce in la tomba.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
I hope they buried his fashion sense with him.

His unmarked grave was found by three young fascists who dug him up and took the body from place to place, eventually ending up in a monastery near Milan. By the time his body was found, it was missing a leg. The legless body was interred in his family crypt in Predappio.

The fun doesn’t stop there. While the body was in American custody, an autopsy was performed on the dictator’s brain. The Americans took half of the brain in an attempt to study what makes a dictator, returning it in 1966.

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Can you imagine the shipping costs for a head that size?

Every now and again, however, vials pop up on eBay, claiming to be the Italian’s remains. His leg was never found.

4. King Badu Bonsu’s Head

Dutch colonists in what is today called Ghana got pretty pissed when the Chief of the local Ahanta tribe killed two Dutch messengers, cut their heads off, and put them on his throne.

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Kinda like that, but with severed heads.

The Dutch, slightly miffed at having their citizens used as decoration, responded the way most colonizers would – with a punitive expedition. They captured Badu Bonsu and lopped off his head. This time, instead of putting it on a chair, they put it in a jar. Of formaldehyde.

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He looks thrilled about it.

Fast forward two hundred years later, the Netherlands have gracefully decided to give the old man’s head back to his home country. You might think the people who happened to be carrying around the pickled head of an African chief might keep track of it but no. It was found locked in a closet where it had presumably been for 170 years.

5. Che Guevara’s Hair

The Cuban revolutionary met his end in Bolivia in 1967, executed by Bolivian forces. His hands were cut off as proof and his body was thrown into an unmarked grave. But, like the people who surrounded Napoleon after his death, someone with access to Guevara’s body decided to take home a souvenir.

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The person who happened to be present and bury Guevara was also a CIA spook. He kept a scrapbook that included photos, documents, fingerprints, and a lock of Guevara’s hair. In 2007, it was all sold at auction for $100,000.

6. Geronimo’s Skull

In 2009, native tribes sued the Yale University secret society known as the Order of Skull and Bones. They alleged the group had the skull of Apache leader Geronimo on display in the clubhouse. And the Apaches wanted it back.

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There’s a lot of things Native Americans probably want back.

Geronimo died as a POW at Fort Sill, Oklahoma, in 1909. A Skull and Bones legend says Prescott Bush, father of George H.W. Bush and grandfather to George W. Bush, dug up the Apache’s body and stole the skull and other bones. He then brought it to the clubhouse in New Haven, Connecticut.

7. Thomas Paine’s Entire Body

Unlike everyone else on this list whose head or skull was stolen after death, Thomas Paine’s good friend John Jarvis was already thinking about getting his hands on the famous patriot’s noggin. Paine, of course, asked Jarvis to leave his bones the hell alone. When Paine died in 1809, they did just that. For a while. Somebody dug his body up ten years later.

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Since Paine died a drunk in New York, very few people were present for his funeral. Wanting to give Paine a proper burial, newspaper editor William Cobbett and some friends exhumed Paine with the intent of moving his body to England.

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The only problem happened when the body got to England – Cobbett couldn’t afford the burial. The old editor stashed the remains in his attic, where Tom Paine remained until Cobbett died. After that, no one knows what happened to the Revolutionary author.

Articles

Top 9 songs for the 4th of July that aren’t by Toby Keith or Lee Greenwood

It’s time, America. It’s time.


Summer’s officially here, the BBQ is hot, the beer is cold, and it’s time to party. Old Glory is still soaring from when we honored Memorial Day, but now we have a holiday where the only requirement is to celebrate.

It’s the 4th of July.

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Let freedom ring, b***hes! (Giphy.com)

 

If you’re gonna have an epic party, you need an epic playlist. These tunes will light some fireworks in your soul. Enjoy.

9. Team America World Police — “America F*#k Yeah!”

I LOVE THIS SONG EVERY TIME I HEAR IT.

8. Tom Petty — “American Girl”

A good party playlist should rise and fall. Tom Petty and his ode to the American Girl can keep things calm for a few.

7. Bruce Springsteen — “Born in the USA”

This is a classic and cannot be omitted. Let it happen.

6. Lenny Kravitz — “American Woman”

This makes every woman, including yours truly, want to lose some layers and show off her moves. You’re welcome.

5. Iced Earth “Declaration Day”

Sometimes you just need to say it with metal: “Freedom is not free.”

4. Katy Perry — “Firework”

This song is catchy as hell and you know it.

3. Brad Paisley — “American Saturday Night”

You had me at French kissing and a cooler of cold Coronas.

2. Metallica — “Don’t Tread on Me”

Metallica knows how to make some epic tunes, but they’re also great about supporting the troops. Easy add to the list.

1. Whitney Houston “The Star-Spangled Banner”

Not only was Houston’s voice absolute perfection, when she recorded this song, she donated the proceeds of the single to benefit the veterans of the Persian Gulf War. After the terrorist attacks of 9/11, she re-released it, this time donating her profits to the firefighters and victims of the attacks.

For those of you who are out there continuing to fight for the freedoms we cherish, you have our gratitude. Stay safe.

Check out the full list here, and Happy 4th of July, you freedom lover, you.

Articles

7 reasons why you shouldn’t be too nice in the military

Everybody wants to be liked in one way or another — we all want to fit in.


In the military, if you’re not liked by your fellow service members (especially your chain of command), you’re going to have a harder time getting promoted.

If you show respect to everyone, that should help you maneuver your way through a successful military career. But there is a fine line between being too nice and showing others respect.

Okay, we will. (Image via Giphy)

Related: 7 military regs service members violate every day

So check out our list of why you shouldn’t be too nice in the military.

1. Your fellow brothers and sisters will end up venting to you on a daily basis.

If you’re that sweet guy or gal who is nice enough to listen to everybody’s problems — stand by for handing out free therapy sessions.

Best news ever! (Image via Giphy)

2. You just might get put into someone’s friend zone.

You know that hot guy or girl who works down at supply?

Because you haven’t shown signs of having a backbone — instead of going out with them on Saturday night — you’re going to be watching them leave the barracks with your co-worker who has a backbone.

They’re not coming back anytime soon. (Image via Giphy)

3. People will ask for favors — a lot of favors.

You know how you’re bad at saying no because you’re too nice?  Well, have fun standing somebody else’s duty Saturday night while they’re off having an excellent time at the bar.

FML. (Image via Giphy)

4. If you get even a little upset, everyone will think the “nice guy” is going crazy.

You listen to everyone’s problems 24/7, but when you decide to emote at all — everyone now thinks you’re the crazy one.

It’s okay for everyone else, but just not the nice guy or gal. (Image via Giphy)

5. You could get pushed to the side.

People have crazy schedules this day and age. So when they need to make space in their lives for something important, they might reschedule a meeting with you — the accommodating one — to make room.

Son-of-a-b*tch! (Image via Giphy)

6. Your chain of command could assign you extra duty.

Many times a bad assignment will come down the pipeline, and your chain of command needs to assign someone to work an outside event. If you’re that person who rarely gives anyone sh*t, you may be the one they ask to come on in on Saturday because you never say no.

Yeah. So, we’re going to need you to come in on Saturday. (Image via Giphy)

Also Read: 7 ways to prove your spouse a spy

7. People ask you for help all the freakin’ time.

That is all.

Being too nice can be painful. (Image via Giphy)Can you think of any others? Comment below.

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7 things Jodie will do with your girlfriend this Valentine’s Day

Ah, Valentine’s Day! Love is in the air! Cupid is on the march!


And you have duty. Or are deployed. Or stuck in the barracks. … Whatever.

We all know what that means. While you’re busy mopping floors and standing at parade rest, Joe D./Jodie/Jody is on the prowl, looking for heartsick girlfriends and boyfriends stuck all alone at home. Here’s the date he’s probably suggesting to your significant other right now:

1. He’ll probably give her some nice flowers.

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RIP Mary Tyler Moore. You were the real MVP. (GIF: Giphy/hulu.com)

Most likely roses, but it could be something creative like daisies or tulips.

2. Take a ride in your Cadillac.

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The wax still looks pretty good, and the shine on the tires hasn’t lost any of the luster. Sorry, man. “Ain’t no use in looking back, Jodie’s got your Cadillac.”

3. Dinner …

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(GIF: giphy.com/amzn.to)

Soft light from candles glints off of some fancy silverware as it cuts through delicious Italian food. Filling, but not too heavy.

 4. … and a movie.

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(GIF: giphy.com/foxsearchlightpictures.tumblr.com)

They’re gonna finish up just in time to catch a movie at the theater. Something funny, and not too racey for a girlfriend hanging out with a guy just as friends. It’s not “50 Shades Darker.” It’s “The Lego Batman Movie.”

5. Take a long walk in the park, on the beach, through the woods, or out behind the barn where no one can see them.

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(GIF: youtube.com/ICON)

It was an early movie, so the night is still pretty young. And the clear stars make a walk this time of evening just perfect. Of course, she might have to borrow his jacket, to keep the February chill at bay.

6. Play some nice, soft music.

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(GIF: youtube.com/Topshelf Records)

What? Lots of guys keep smooth jazz on their phone. And Jodie just likes to hear this kind of music.

In the dark. In a secluded area. On a walk. With a service member’s significant other.

7. Let’s be honest, Jodie/Jody/Joe D. isn’t doing anything with anyone. But your girlfriend/guyfriend/general’s daughter-friend could use a good Valentine’s Day.

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(GIF: giphy.com/Limelightlowlifes)

Your significant other is probably sitting at home, still in love with you. But don’t take that for granted. It’s Valentine’s Day for crying out loud.

If you’re stateside and can surprise them, just do everything from this list that Jodie might have done. If you’re deployed, send some nice flowers and a sweet video message.

Both of these things work even if you have to do it on the 13th or 15th.

Come on, give your loved ones some credit. The ladies know better than to give into Jodie’s nonsense. Now, the boys and Jane, on the other hand….

Articles

8 times when the movie ‘Three Kings’ nailed what it’s like to be a soldier

You wouldn’t think a heist movie set during the Iraq War would provide a particularly accurate look at military life. But while the 1999 movie “Three Kings” has a lot of problems, it gets a surprising number of Army-life details right.


Here are seven times the filmmakers nailed it:

1. Troops waste key resources by having a water bottle fight in the middle of the desert:

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Ask your First Sergeant if it’s a good idea to waste life-giving water in the middle of a desert.

Yes, the ceasefire ending the war had just been announced, but this is still bad resource management.

2. An American officer communicates with Iraqis by speaking at the exact same time as his interpreter:

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(Screenshot: Three Kings)

We’re sure the Iraqi soldiers who can understand English are glad that you’re yelling it over the guy speaking Arabic. And your troops are probably enjoying the two loud audio streams washing over them all day.

3. A group of soldiers finds a secret document in a guy’s butt and it immediately falls to the junior soldier to pull it out:

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That glove is about to see some stuff.

This is literally the only time that it makes sense for a specialist to pull rank.

4. A Special Forces major is trying to get the story of what happened with the secret butt map and everyone on the base tells him a different rumor:

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
The map may have been in a guy’s butt, his penis, or possibly stitched to the back of his head. (GIF: GIPHY)

Seriously, when did you ever get the truth on your first try from a base rumor mill?

5. A junior enlisted soldier is given the chance to ask questions about an upcoming, risky mission and he wastes it:

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(Screenshot: Three Kings)

Yeah, the Special Forces selections process is the most important thing to learn about before you conduct a four-man raid against an Iraqi bunker filled with gold.

6. A guy clearing his first bunker tries some stupid stuff that he saw in a movie and immediately regrets it:

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You shot a deadbolt. The deadbolt is still in the door. Your shoulder is not as strong as the iron holding that door in place. Moron.

7. When the group’s escape is ruined because the junior guy can’t find his gas mask that is supposed to be strapped to his leg.

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(Screenshot: Three Kings)

Notice that while he doesn’t have his mask — which is essential to surviving the gas weapons that have already been used in this war — strapped to his person, but his survival knife is easily accessible. Because he’ll definitely need that knife.

8. A blue falcon immediately dimes out the group to the senior brass, even though no one has asked him a question:

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(Screenshot: Three Kings)

Seriously, Private Falcon, no one asked you. Just stand there quietly.

Articles

17 Troops Wrapping Ammo Around Themselves Like They’re Mr. T

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I pity the fool!


The extremely photogenic Marine trying to be the next Rambo.

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Photo: James McCauley

These soldiers broing out with matching 25mm ammo rounds.

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Photo: mob mob

This Afghan cop whose way too good looking to show his face.

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Photo: DVIDSHUB

 The soldier who got ditched by his squad.

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Photo: Wikimedia

This soldier whose belt is long enough to jump rope with.

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Photo: U.S. Air Force

  The soldier who finally gets to have a turn on the 240. YES!

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Photo: DVIDSHUB

 This Afghan soldier picking out his best Rambo pose.

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Photo: DVIDSHUB

These soldiers accessorizing before joining the Siege of Leningrad.

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Photo: Doug Banks

 The admin soldier  who doesn’t skip a photo op.

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Photo: Histomil

The guy with a hero complex.

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Photo: Histomil

The soldier who wants to play something else besides war.

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Photo: Wikimedia

No one is big enough to wear a vulcan cannon ammo belt.

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Photo: Paul O’Thomson

These grunts with a mess on their hands.

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Photo: Nicholas Fields

 The soldier who washes and dries his ammo belts.

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Photo: Judy Proctor

This lady showing off her belt collection.

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Photo: Belts Org

This guy who would rather play cowboys and indians.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year

This guy who outdoes Mr. T.

The 8 new ships the Navy commissioned this year
Photo: Andreu Rodriguez

NOW: 17 Photos That Show Why Troops Absolutely Love The .50 Caliber Machine Gun

AND: 7 Key Military Life Hacks That Matter In Civilian Life

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