3 amazing military haka that will get your effing attention
SUMMARY
During World War II, the infamous German General Erwin Rommel once said, "Give me the Maori Battalion and I will conquer the world." Maoris were descended from Eastern Polynesians who canoed all the way from Polynesia to New Zealand in the 13th century. That's a distance of at least 900 miles. They canoed 900 miles.
So if that's not enough to give you an indication of how terribly awesome they are, there's the haka:
The haka is a foot-stomping, tongue lashing, rhythmic dance performed by warriors to intimidate their enemies and proclaim their strength before the gods. It has become more widely known around the world because New Zealand sports teams perform a haka before meeting their opposition on the field.
Modern militaries also perform the haka, and we've got some of the best right here, ranked by how intense they are:
3. Prince Harry pays tribute
The Duke of Sussex paid his respects to the people of New Zealand with a haka and you can just see the concentration on this face. I'm no mind-reader, but I have no doubt his inner monologue reads "don't f*** up don't f*** up don't f*** up."
Prince Harry served in the military for 10 years, including two combat deployments to Afghanistan. And that's just one of the reasons why he's respected as a bad ass veteran.
2. Royal Tongan Marines change of command
In this Transfer of Authority Ceremony, the Royal Tongan Marines perform the Sipi Tau/Kailao, a ceremonial war dance from the Kingdom of Tonga.
I wouldn't have been nearly as bored during American military changes of command if we got to do this kind of stuff. We just marched in circles for hours and IT WAS THE WORST YOU KNOW IT WAS.
1. 2/1 RNZIR Battalion bids farewell to fallen comrades
"This video shows the soldiers of 2/1 RNZIR Battalion performing their unit haka, powerfully acknowledging the lives and feats of their fallen comrades as they come onto the Unit's parade ground. It is also an emotive farewell for they will leave via the waharoa (the carved entrance way) for the very last time," wrote the NZ Defence Force.
This is a pretty powerful way to say goodbye.
Now just imagine if a whole battalion did that before a fight. It'd be unsettling at the very least. And it was. In the fall of 1942, the 28th Maori Battalion played a pivotal role in the Second Battle of El Alamein, which would mark the culmination of the North African Campaign. Rommel's defeat forced him to withdraw to Tunisia, where the Germans would surrender the following spring. After encountering the Maori, Rommel had nothing but praise for the fierce warriors.
Related: Watch 'Aquaman' actor perform the haka with his kids
As an American, this ritual could seem....strange — but that's kind of the point. The haka was meant to freak out the enemy. It challenged opponents and displayed a tribe's pride, strength, and unity.
It is a full-body masterpiece of movement and shouts. The details are fascinating, including showing the whites of the eyes, sticking out the tongue, slapping thighs and stomping, and chanting — and as you can see, these guys take it very seriously.
Honorable Mention:
The young men of Palmerston North Boys' High School bid farewell to Mr. John Adams, the school Guidance Counsellor, upon his retirement.
Their intensity is completely incredible. Send military recruiters immediately.
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