7 acronyms the military should use, but doesn’t
It's no secret the military is full of soup. Even an FNG could tell you that. There are even more specific alphabet soup acronyms within each branch: the Air Force has OTP, and the Marines have OSM (semi-respectively).
Here's a couple of acronyms we made up that aren't in use, but should be.
"Sergeant ran out of real tasks."
This acronym is used to explain why you are: measuring the length of floor tiles, power washing a lawn chair, or cleaning an actual pile of garbage with Windex. We don't ask why. We know.
Example: I know we're outside in the desert, but S.R.O.O.R.T. so now we all have to sweep the dirt.
Images From The Korengal Outpost - The Far Side.
"Only dipping tobacco while on deployment."
This acronym is the lie you tell yourself while on deployment. It soon warps into the closely related acronym "O.D.T.B.O.D." which is "Only dipping tobacco because of deployment."
Example: Yeah, I never used to chew Cope, but I'm O.D.T.W.O.D.
"Good piece of gear."
This acronym is used to describe a fully functional piece of gear in the military.
Example: *N/A, no plausible use*
"Dinner" aboard the USS Green Bay.
(Sgt. Branden Colston/ USMC)
"Why did I even grab a fork?"
This acronym is used to describe the fine delicatessen cuisine service members enjoy on a ship. It's food so sparse, so understated, so daringly simple, it begs the question: why did I even grab a fork?"
Example: Welcome aboard, today we will be serving delectable items from the W.D.I.E.G.A.F. cuisine: our first course is a handful of hard white rice, followed by two triangles of cardboard garlic bread, accented with a chalice of warm water. Served sea side. Bon Appetit.
"Not old enough for beer, only for armed combat."
This is a much needed acronym for the millions of 18-to 21-year-olds in our military who cannot legally buy beer but can legally be trusted with billions of dollars of equipment and the lives of men who are old enough to buy beer. Granted, this one doesn't really roll off the tongue—but neither does explaining the ancient logic behind this law.
Example: I'll take an automatic rifle, a crate of C-4 explosives, and a Shirley Temple to drink, sorry I'm N.O.E.F.B.O.F.A.C.
"You make comm awful."
This is for anybody who never shuts the hell up over comm. They add useless information, make bad jokes, clog up the line, and all kinds of other annoying things.
Example: You don't have to mouth breath for 3 seconds before saying what you need to say. Y.M.C.A. Over.
"Boy, our operation's boring, Sgt."
Sometimes you have said all you need to say. You've been in a foreign place with the same 6 dudes for months. You can only talk about how bad the Cleveland Browns are, or what kind of food you wish you could eat, for so long... Sometimes, when you've been away for months and don't have anything to talk about, you just talk about B.O.O.B.S.
Example: ...Ahem...*idle whistling*....*clearing throat cough*...B.O.O.B.S...