Blues, Pinks and Greens, NWUs, Cammies, ABUs, ODUs, ACUs — whatever you wear, or whatever you call it, it’s the standard in your branch. These are names of the most common daily wear (and dress uniforms) of military branches. Though the uniforms themselves vary among the ranks and jobs, the jokes usually do not. After all, there are ample rules and variations, and it’s tough to keep it all straight. Besides, what fun is it if you don’t poke fun at the next branch’s duds? Don’t worry though, it’s all in good fun.
Take a look at these military uniform inspired memes and the people who proudly represent them every day of the year.
It was recently reported that, back in October, the 26th Marine Expeditionary Unit drank Reykjavík, the capital city of Iceland, dry when they pulled into port. That’s not an expression or an over exaggeration. They literally drank every last bit of alcohol in the city over the course of their liberty to the point where the town reportedly had troubles restocking for their own citizens.
The most astounding thing about this entire story is that only one young, dumb lance corporal got in trouble for disorderly conduct — and we can only assume they’ve since been Ninja Punched into oblivion. But seriously, I have strong reservations about there only being one drunken problem. You mean to tell me that we can’t throw a barracks party without the MPs getting involved and an entire MEU got sh*tfaced drunk and only a single idiot did anything wrong?
I’m not saying it’s completely impossible — maybe things happened and were simply kept in-house — but if it’s really true and everyone was that well-behaved… BZ. Color me impressed.
To all you troops out there that aren’t that one Marine in Reykjavík, you’ve earned yourselves some memes.
Serving as President of the United States is no easy task. But, with all due respect, it still leaves you at the mercy of the rest of the population to turn you into memes. It’s almost our duty as constituents. Join us as we poke fun — gently — at our commanders in chief and their most recognizable qualities.
This perfect Harry Potter reference
Don’t worry, Joe, NOT SLYTHERIN.
2. Because even presidents tell lame jokes
That still make us LOL
3. When photoshop makes Karen jokes even more hilarious
It’s not that I have anything against the good-natured jokes of April Fool’s Day, it’s just that I don’t believe anything for an entire day. Sure, you have your ridiculous ads from companies, like the McPickle burger from McDonald’s, but then there’s the ones that sound plausible until you stop and think about it for more than a second.
Tom Brady saying he’s going to retire? The dude still has four more fingers to go. Lockheed Martin saying they now have the technology to smell Space? That’s not how Space works. The Army announces that it’ll take the well-being of the troops into consideration and allow them to wear protective masks, under AR 670-1, in areas of with hazardous air quality? Good one.
At least there was a solid selection of memes to choose from this week! Enjoy!
(In all seriousness, the protective mask one is real — and it’s about freakin’ time.)
(Meme via Coast Guard Memes)
(Meme via Broken and Unreadable)
(Meme via I Am An American Soldier)
(Meme via Disgruntled Vets)
(Meme via Valhalla Wear)
(Meme via Sh*t My LPO Says)
It took me longer than I’m willing to admit to get that the left side was port and right was starboard.
And the only way I still remember it is because ‘left’ has four letters, and so does ‘port.’ Don’t judge me.
(Meme via Decelerate Your Life)
(Meme via 1st Civ Division)
(Meme via Private News Network)
(Screengrab via The Salty Soldier, Credit to Reddit user u/patientbearr)
If you know the language of the military, you know what we’re talking about. It’s basically a language all its own. Full of acronyms and nicknames that don’t make sense to the general public, there are entire strings of conversations that can go on including nothing but jargon. (And good luck to anyone not in the know.) That’s where funny memes come in.
From discussing ranks, daily situations, moves to everyday gear, jargon is a THING in the military. Take a look at these common memes discussing what it’s like to speak the language … and if you don’t.
When there’s just a bunch of letters
2. Sometimes you can’t shut it off … even when you want to
Stop, translate, re-state.
3. The point doesn’t always get across
But it’s a good time.
4. When you accidentally teach civilians
Make it stop.
5. Seriously though
Do you hear yourself?
6. When you first joined and had no idea what was happening.
The vocab keeps on coming.
7. Deciphering the code like…
8. Then when you are lost and just stay silent.
Eventually it’ll all make sense.
9. The people who shorten everything
You are so cool.
10. It never stops
Military jargon — in all branches — is a language all on its own, and once you learn it, it sticks with you for life. After all, it’s an earned right of passage. Take it with you and use it well!
Female sailors seem to be getting the hair regulations loosened to allow a more natural look. This (obviously) caused a gigantic backlash among male soldiers demanding the permitting of beards. Honestly, it doesn’t really make sense to disallow sailors to grow beards in the first place. After all, naval history tied to glorious beards, in both the U.S. Navy and around the world. As long as they keep their beards groomed, it’d be a boost to morale and it’d cut out the crappy rush to shave each morning.
But we’ll see. 7th Fleet will probably crash another ship into a civilian fishing vessel and blame it on sailors having beards instead of actually taking responsibility for it.
Former Secretary of Defense, retired general, and Patron Saint of Chaos James Mattis has announced that he will be publishing an autobiography called Call Sign Chaos: Learning to Lead. It’s said to cover him coming to terms with leadership learned throughout his military career starting from his days as a young Marine lieutenant to four-star general in charge of CENTCOM.
I don’t know about you guys, but I’m freaking pumped. Yes, I’d love to know the nitty-gritty of commanding a quarter million troops, but I want to know about his lesser-known butter bar years leading a weapons platoon. Because let’s be honest, that’s where the seeds of his leadership style really grew.
He probably made mistakes and got chewed out for it. He slipped up and got mocked by the lower enlisted. He would have had to ask for advice and eventually grow into one of the smartest minds Uncle Sam has seen in a long time. Even the Warrior Monk himself may have been that nosy LT who needed to be whipped into shape by the platoon sergeant, and that’s kind of motivating in its own way. Yeah, you may f*ck up once in a while, but not even Chaos Actual was a born leader. He had to learn it.
Just think. There’s an old salty devil dog out there somewhere who’s responsible for knife-handing the boot-tenant out of Mattis. And he’s the real hero of this story.
While we wait for the one book that will actually get Jarheads to read for fun on June 16th, here’s some memes.
(Meme via Army as F*ck)
(Meme via Team Non-Rec)
(Meme via Not CID)
(Meme via SFC Majestic)
(Meme via Broken and Unreadable)
(Meme via Disgruntled Decks)
Fun fact: The Department of Energy renamed natural gas “freedom gas” in a memo. You know what that means, boys…
Family Readiness Groups are a mainstay in military communities. They keep the masses informed, throw awkward parties in which everyone can meet and they’re a great way to keep everyone in touch, including family members who are not on post.However, if you’ve never been to one of their events — sometimes where the fun is *forced*, you may be in for a surprise. Take a look at these memes that perfectly describe your first go-around with these right-of-passage events.
Whether you want to or not, you’ll be there
Welcome to the world of being voluntold.
2. When they say it’s not mandatory but it really is
We all know how to read between the lines.
3. When you show up wondering if it’s booze friendly or not
May the odds be ever in your favor.
4. Then you get there and there are no recognizable faces
But what’s your last name? I don’t know faces.
5. When they ask for more helpers
Who’s down to give some time?
6. You might be diving in deep
Welcome to the team.
7. When they get down to the informational portion
Be sure to take notes in pencil.
8. When the meeting is a pop-up and no one told you
Military working dogs and police canines are some of the most capable members of their respective forces. But they also have big pointy or floppy ears and wagging tails and cute little paws and sometimes we just can’t even help ourselves and we want videos of them being fur missiles or photos of them searching for stuff or any memes of them.
Coincidentally, that’s what we have here: 8 memes of awesome working dogs and police canines (except one is probably a military family’s pet but whatever):
“You’re hired. Please proceed to the kennels for unlimited petting.”
And yes, I know this is probably a pet German Shepherd, but there’s some officer in the photo so I’m letting it slide.
Just watch out for the luggage tags. They’ll snap on you if the restraints come off.
“It’s really just me signing my work, sergeant.”
Also, Ronin is a pretty sweet name for a police dog.
As long as you know, for sure, he’s the bad guy before you bite him, what’s the problem?
I mean, it’s free. What do you have to lose? Besides a bicep.
Gonna need to eat lots of bad guys for protein, as well. But first, come lick our faces.
With the first of the month comes a whole new promotions list across the board. To each and every one of you who made it, bravo zulu. You’re going to take the next step in your career. May your slight increase in pay help soothe over the mountain of sh*t that comes with the added responsibility.
And let’s be honest. When you’re the lowest guy on the totem pole, it seems like it sucks, but there’s nothing really demanded of you — outside of performing your assigned duties, cleaning the company area, and keeping out of trouble that is. No one is calling you into the MP station at 0300 on a Sunday night because someone you assumed was an adult did something you never thought to add to a safety brief. No one bothers seriously chewing your ass out for something someone else did.
So if you didn’t get promoted today, don’t sweat it. It could be worse. Regardless, one thing’s for sure: the memes have arrived.
In every branch, on every base, and in every possible unit is a communications (commo) guy. Sometimes, you get a commo guy who runs-and-guns alongside the combat arms guys. Other times, you get the guys who can talk for hours on the backstories of every comic book character ever made. Occasionally, these two guys are one in the same.
We tend to stick to ourselves and hide away in the S-6 (our commo shop) until we can no longer use “commo work” as an excuse to miss bullsh*t duties. In case you never got the chance to talk to us, here’s a basic rundown of what happens in our commo shops.
There’s the computer side and radio side. There’s no bad blood between us because we stick together despite our differences and we both are masters at shamming/skating.
10. The radio guys have a single job.
That job is to make sure a hunk-of-junk radio, not even worth its weight in scrap metal, doesn’t mess up. Spoiler alert: Everything will go great until the moment you need it to not be a hunk of junk.
9. Commo gets called in for every computer problem.
But nearly every problem we run into can be solved with simply asking, “But have you tried turning it off and back on again?” This buys us enough time to Google the real solution.
8. No one really knows what we do.
And then we need to explain to superiors that our MOS is vital to combat readiness.
7. COMSEC (Communications Security) is a pain in the ass.
Once we pick up rank, we get pain-in-the-ass duties. The worst is being COMSEC custodian. It isn’t the enormous pile of paperwork or dealing with the fallout of an idiot ‘zeroizing’ (wiping completely clean) stuff they shouldn’t.
It’s opening this goddamn safe without it giving you a goddamn lightning-bolt error.
6. There’s literally nothing on a retrans missions.
…also known as spending days on top of a hill, being the middleman between two radios so they can connect to each other over long distances to the point that you lose your goddamn mind.
With nothing to do but radio checks for days at a time. Just you. The radio. And maybe one or two other commo guys.
5. Our jokes never die.
Older commo vets will be glad to know that their jokes are still spread throughout the commo world.
4. Improper radio etiquette is more cringe-inducing than listening to people chew with their mouths open.
One of the first things troops learn in Basic/Boot Camp is the phonetic alphabet. It’s made for this very specific reason.
3. Nothing unnerves us like messy cables.
About 90 percent of the computer-based commo world does is browse subreddits about perfectly laid-out cables in server rooms. We are in awe.
2. Best moment to be a commo? When it’s time to get rid of sensitive information, CDs, and hard drives in a destructive manner.
Also known as, “those moments you really get to zeroize something.”
1. And they say Commo guys are POGs…
“You can talk about us, but you can’t talk without us!” said every commo ever.