This is Chapter 4 in the Wellness Memoir. Catch up on previous chapters here.
Finding community during a deployment can feel isolating, especially when managing illness and parenting alone. During my husband’s 12-month combat deployment, I faced two major surgeries while also caring for our baby. I was living on a new base without a support network. It was a challenging and lonely time.
The added stress of my husband’s deployment was compounded by his assignment away from his home unit, leaving unit support over an hour away. As a new military spouse, I was eager to participate in unit volunteer opportunities, hoping to connect with others and build a supportive network. However, when I reached out to our unit’s deployment readiness coordinator, I was told I couldn’t volunteer with them. My husband had been temporarily assigned to a deploying unit as an Individual Augment, so he was not technically part of the unit at our base until his return. This left me confused, as I’d always envisioned the military community as one that would naturally be supportive. Here I was, ready to engage, only to be turned away.
If you can’t find community, you can build it
Realizing I would need support, I decided to create a community myself. I reached out to a few spouses from our previous duty station, but with their full-time work schedules and my role as a stay-at-home mom, our meetups were infrequent. My husband and I had moved on base to access the military spouse community, yet it felt elusive.
After recovering from both of my surgeries, I decided to try to form a spouse group in my base neighborhood. I suspected that if I was looking for connection, other spouses might be too. To reach neighbors in our quiet neighborhood, I created fliers inviting neighbors to join a playgroup. A new neighbor I met at the playground only a couple of weeks earlier helped me hand them out. She would become one of my closest friends. Sometimes, just waving at another mom can open the door to lifelong friendships. Together, we walked the neighborhood, placing nearly 50 fliers in each storm door.
From playdates to lasting community
The first playdate was a gamble—we knew at least the two of us would show up, and that would be enough if no one else came. But to our delight, five other moms joined us, and the next week a few more appeared. Eventually, we had about ten moms and their kids gathering regularly. That initial gathering sparked friendships that continue to this day.
As the weather cooled, I reached out to the housing office and asked if we could use the clubhouse for our group to meet indoors. They agreed and even advertised the playgroup in their monthly newsletters. That simple request turned our casual gatherings into a lasting community.
Community that lives on
My friend and I hadn’t set out to build something significant; we simply wanted a few friends. But, driven by faith and resilience, I realized that my experiences could serve others. I could have just hidden out in my house. The weight of what I had endured over the course of one year-long deployment could have burned me out. I had moments that felt like I was headed in that direction. But, my faith always bubbled back, filled my cup and made me feel energized to use my experience in order to be the help that someone else needed.
That deployment year, with all its challenges, remains vivid in my memory, reminding me that we may never know when we’ll need our village—or when our village will be essential to someone else. But, by building it, we can be ready.