8 useless pieces of gear the military still issues out

Every time a soldier steps into CIF, they are given a lot of gear — some necessary, like more uniforms, and some beloved, like the woobie.

But there’s a lot of gear that just never gets touched until the next time they come back to clear CIF. It’s probably still in the same packaging it came in when it’s turned over.

This crap just sits in a duffle bag, shoved in the back of the closet.

Central Issuing Facility

And yet it will get rejected for not being cleaned — even if it’s still sealed in the friggin’ bag! (U.S. Army photo by Sgt. Joseph Moore)

8. Canteens

Ask any civilian to name a piece of military gear and they’ll say the canteen.

Back in the day, it was a life saver — no doubt about that. But today, it’s only ever seen in training environments or by that one “overly high speed” dude in every unit. The rest of us use water bottles or Camelbacks while we’re deployed.

Because rubber canteens are gross.

The canteen cup, however, is still very useful. It makes a great coffee cup/shaving water container/holder of smaller crap.

“But what if we get thirsty after a chemical gas attack!” (U.S. Army photo by Spc. Eric Unwin)

7. Elbow Pads

Knee pads help protect a sensitive and fragile part of your body that really takes a beating (and will ultimately be destroyed anyway after years of ruck marching or one static jump). But until then, kneepads protect from bruising and lacerations, and, most importantly, help secure a more comfortable firing position.

Not the elbow pads. They just get in the way.

A common joke deployed is that you can always tell who the POGs are by either how they react to the Indirect Fire (IDF) siren or if they actually think other soldiers actually wear those useless pieces of crap that just slide down or restrict movement.

US Army Elbow Pads

Makes even less sense is that they have the buckles and little sleeve thing. (Photo by Sgt. 1st Class Clinton Wood)

6. Most Rain Gear

Other units may authorize their Joes to wear most of the wet weather gear, others only allow it in the worst conditions that even the salty Sergeant Major has had enough of it. Shy of the Gortex top, no one touches their wet weather bottoms or boots.

Even the poncho only ever gets used as a makeshift shelter half on field exercises.

Poncho raft

Or as a makeshift raft in Ranger competitions. (U.S. Army photo by Sgt. Austin Berner)

5. MOPP Boots

Speaking of useless boots, the pair that gets used interchangeably during lay outs is just as useless.

In an actual chemical gas attack, we put our gas mask on first. Followed by everything else in order of what is the most vital to survival. The boots? Nope. They take way too freaking long to put on in an emergency when you have bigger things to worry about. Taking the time to lace your MOPP boots properly definitely falls off the to-do list.

MOPP boots

In that time, you’re probably already dead. (U.S. Air National Guard photo by Tech. Sgt. Courtney Enos)

4. Glove Inserts

It’s nice when troops are allowed to wear gloves in formation. The problem is that the standard issue leather shells also need liners.

The glove inserts are just a thin piece of wool that do nothing to stop the cold. Wind cuts right through them and god help you if they ever get wet.

Glove Liners

There’s a reason everyone buys other pairs that get as close to regulation as possible. (Image via Olive Drab)

3. Load Bearing Vest (LBV)

The purpose behind the LBV makes no sense. It holds all of the gear that one would need down range, or at the range, but offers none of the protection of an actual ballistic vest.

So why not wear the actual ballistic vest? LBVs don’t do anything except dig into your shoulder.

Seriously. The only non-photoshopped image of a soldier actually wearing one (and not a mannequin or a tacticool civilian) I could find is from the Army’s official video on how to set one up. (Screengrab via YouTube)

2. Surefire ACH Light

Everyone wants to be high speed and rock the high speed gear…until it’s time to rock the high speed gear.

At first glance, these look nifty as hell. It would be helpful to have a hands free light guiding your way.

But no. Try working these with gloves on or switching to the red light without cycling through every single other function first.

Or even try to make it through a forest field training without bumping into something and losing the $200 waste of garbage. Good luck finding the right batteries for these things too.

Too complicated. Not worth it.

Surefire ACH Light

I believe the Army stopped issuing these, but slick sleeve cherries still buy them at the PX. (Image via Armslist)

1. BVD Army Issued Skivvies

Anyone who says they didn’t immediately trash all pairs of these after Basic so they “can stay within regulation” is either way too ‘Hooah’ for their current rank or a damned dirty liar.

The skivvies are like sand paper grinding against your ‘sensitive bits’ whenever you take a step. No one will ever check to see if their subordinate is wearing proper under garments or even care (and if they do…there’s a much bigger problem at hand). Why not just wear whatever you bought at American Eagle or Target?

No. Just No. (Image via eBay)

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