Articles

7 signs humans will lose the robot wars

While DARPA and other research institutions declare a robotic revolution, the real geniuses like Stephen Hawking and Bill Gates are letting us know the robotic revolution is really going to be a robot war. While watching videos of robot fails may make humans feel safe, we shouldn't. The robots are coming and the robots will win.


How? Here are 7 ways robots are preparing for war:

1. They're reproducing.

Björk_AIFOL_MoMA-robots-reproduce Photo: Wikipedia/sashimomura

The video above is from the University of Cambridge where a robotic "mother" is creating "children." The robotic arm was given the task of constructing robots from building blocks with motors and glue, designing her own children to move as far across the table as possible. With such simple tools, her children are still relatively harmless. But once she gets chainsaws and gatling guns to attach to them, we're all in trouble.

2. They're evolving.

The worst part of the University of Cambridge study isn't even that researchers are letting robots create robots, it's that they're trying to make them evolve. The mother is supposed to keep track of which of her children was most successful and then create the next generation with the best traits of the last. So, even if we beat the robots back in the first few battles, we'll be facing more effective robots in each skirmish.

3. They can mimic humans.

Photo: Wikimedia Commons/Steve Jurvetson

DARPA has created a robot that can learn human tasks, especially cooking, from watching Youtube. If this programming is put into those creepy robots with the human skin, we'll never know if a chef is a human making dinner for humans or a robot making humans for dinner.

4. They're working in teams.

While the internet naively believes the Robo World cup is adorable, they couldn't be more wrong. This "World Cup" is actually a training regimen where the robots are learning teamwork and "multi-agent collaboration." This is according to the reports of the human collaborators own reports.

5. They're learning.

Not only do the robots work in teams in the world cup, they also learn how to move their own bodies and better navigate through space. Even worse, the crackpots at DARPA are encouraging people teach robots how to navigate disaster areas. This would allow robots to navigate the ruins of the cities they destroy. Above, a robot has learned to do laundry without any direct human controls.

6. They're becoming more mobile.

We always thought the robot wars would take place in the urban jungle, but the robots are preparing for a war in the actual jungle by practicing running through the woods. AlphaDog, the Marines Legged Squad Support System, pioneered the way for robots to run through the woods but even bipedal robots like the Atlas have found their way into the forest. At least we can still hide behind our city walls.

7. They can now open doors.

Except no, we can't. Robots have learned to open doors. No word on when they'll learn to kick them in while screaming, "Your democracy is here!" Luckily, this is still limited to certain robot types.

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