Bad back, knee sprains, and other injury claims ISIS militants are using to scam out of duty are child’s play compared to excuses deployed by the finest members of the E-4 Mafia.
“For starters, headaches and stomachaches are rookie excuses,” says Tim Kirkpatrick, a former Navy corpsman and newest member of the We Are The Mighty Team. “There’s no way to diagnose these ‘chief complaints’ because they’re subjective.”
As a veteran with multiple deployments, Tim has heard every excuse in the sick call commando’s manual and can tell you what works and what doesn’t.
“A Marine rarely gets out of a hike,” he says. “He has to be dead or dying to get out of it, but there are ways.”
In this episode of the “Mandatory Fun” podcast, Tim and reformed members of the E-4 Mafia — your hosts, O.V. and Blake — divulge their ‘skating’ tips to ISIS fighters looking to file a proper jihad-ache.
- Blake Stilwell: Air Force veteran and Senior Contributor
- Tim Kirkpatrick: Navy veteran and Editorial Coordinator
- Orvelin Valle (AKA O.V.): Navy veteran and Podcast Producer
Selected links and show notes from the episode:
- [02:00] ISIS militants are faking illnesses to get out of fighting.
- [05:30] Common excuses Marines use to try and get out of work.
- [09:10] The best ways to fool a corpsman into giving you a medical pass.
- [13:00] Who are ISIS doctors?
- [15:00] ISIS penalties for faking injuries.
- [18:00] How ISIS organizes its fighters.
- [27:30] That time a Taliban fighter shot his kid as an excuse to come on to a FOB to check out security.
- [31:30] The risk Blake is willing to undergo for a buddy.
Music licensing by Jingle Punks:
- Sideshow Donuts V2
- Heavy Drivers