The 7 best enlisted military jobs to get after being drafted for World War III

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There are a significant number of Americans who believe the best military job for the next world war is to be on the front line, fighting in Iran, China, or by some weird twist of fate, Iraq again. And let’s be clear: we love those guys. We don’t know exactly where we would be without them, but we’re pretty sure there would be tea, mushy peas, and an extra, unnecessary letter’ U’ in a lot of words.

For the rest of us, the best job in a war is one that might see us through the war. The best military job in a potential World War III isn’t the one that will help us plan for our future after serving in the military; it’s the one that helps ensure we actually have a future after serving in the military.

Here’s how to survive while still contributing to the fight.

Cryptological Language Analyst (Air Force)

The linguist is a great position, especially if you’re picked to learn an enemy language. Not only does it take forever to train to fill these roles (110 days just for the technical school, and that comes after almost eight weeks of basic training), you will likely end up far from the action. Chances are good this job will put you in a bunker deep underground as you try to mastermind the next Battle of Midway from your hastily-learned Mandarin Chinese.

Learning an allied language will probably still keep you far from the action, either spying on some country who is supposed to be an ally, or on some intelligence aircraft somewhere, protected by F-35s (or F-22s if you’re lucky). This job is so essential that you might even get to go into the secret nuclear fallout shelter with the leadership. The only downside is that you might never see the sun. Like, ever.

For the record, this job isn’t limited to the Air Force, but unless you want to also be a rifleman, the Air Force is the way to go.

Tactical Unmanned Aircraft System Operator (Army)

For the unwashed civilian masses, a Tactical Unmanned Aircraft System Operator (TUAS) is a UAV pilot, the ones who create Ukraine’s largest export these days: first-person drone footage. They are also responsible for Ukraine’s second-largest export: killed and wounded Russian troops.

We know what you’re thinking: “But this is gonna put me close to the front line!” That is true; the TUAS is deployed to provide aerial reconnaissance for small units in combat. The good great part is that you will be surrounded by at least an entire airborne unit who 100% needs you to call for direct fire support. You’ll probably be in good hands.

Culinary Specialist (Navy)

Every branch has them. Most call them “culinary specialists,” but you’ll probably call them “cooks.” In peacetime as in wartime, there’s not only comfort in being so close to the food supply, there are also opportunities. One might call it “unethical” to use food stores as bargaining items, but there’s a reason the supply guy is the most popular person aboard a ship.

It’s not a new concept either. Joseph Heller wrote about a fictional version of this in his classic World War II novel “Catch-22.” Lt. Milo Minderbender might have been exaggerated, but it was based on a real person doing real things. This could be you. The only potential downside to being a Navy culinary specialist is that aircraft carrier strike groups are (supposedly) Chinese ballistic missile magnets.

Boatswain’s Mate (Coast Guard)

Choosing the Coast Guard is always risky. Many Coasties will stay stateside during a war, even during World War III (someone has to catch the cocaine, I guess). But not only is the Coast Guard the most challenging branch to join, it has also been deployed during every major war. So don’t think it automatically means you’re spending the next world war stateside.

If you’re a Coast Guard BM, you do boat stuff. And the chances are still good you do it in the shallow waters of waterways right here in the good ol’ US of A. This isn’t to guarantee you won’t be landing troops on the coast of the Spratly Islands while your flimsy liberty ship is getting turned into Swiss cheese by Chinese machine guns, but we’re also hoping that the United States’ new Amphibious Combat Vehicle (ACV) offers more protection than the tin cans used in World War II.

Nuclear Weapons Specialist (Air Force)

As a nuclear weapons specialist, you will learn how to maintain, inspect, and assemble the deadliest weapons on Earth. Your knowledge will be so important to the war effort that the Air Force wouldn’t dream of putting you anywhere you might be captured by the enemy. Chances are good you won’t end up working on some flightline in the blazing Middle Eastern heat or freezing Russian winter. You might even be stationed underground, far from where any destruction might befall you.

There is a chance, however, that a nuclear first strike targets the nuclear weapons facility where you might be stationed. But dying instantly in an atomic bomb blast sure beats dying of hunger, thirst, or whatever happens to you as a prisoner of Iran, North Korea, or China.

Postal Clerk (Marine Corps)

The postal clerk is about as rare a sight in the Marine Corps as a boat cloak on mess night, but they still exist. For anyone who wants to be a Marine in the next world war and still wants to make a difference, the postal clerk is the job for you. And just in case you suddenly decide you don’t want to hang out in the rear, you’re still a Marine and thus a rifleman. So you can head on up to the front anytime you want. Probably.

One might wonder what a difference snail mail can make in the days of email and Amazon, but consider that the outbreak of the next world war might render any operational electronics inoperable via an electromagnetic pulse. Or that cyberwarfare cuts power supplies. Or some super-secret weapon ends Earth’s ability to generate electricity at all. Troops will be begging for a handwritten letter from Susie Rottencrotch, a care package from a group of Iowa schoolchildren, or a USO show led by the next Bob Hope.

Anything in the Space Force

There are still only a handful of careers for enlisted personnel in the Space Force and most of them are intelligence jobs or operating some kind of space-related gear. So, unless computer viruses suddenly became communicable to humans or Iran decides to give hackers a taste of their own medicine (and you hate AC/DC), a Space Force career is the job for you. Spending the next world war in an air-conditioned bunker doesn’t sound half-bad until you realize China’s nuclear weapons are probably targeting your coffee pot.

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