5 conversations troops always have in a deployed smoke pit

The thing veterans miss most about deployment life is the camaraderie. Your brothers- and sisters-in-arms become as much a family as those related by blood. While every troops’ mission is different, ranging from the operator-AF SpecOps guy to the admin clerk who’s doing their part, there will always be beautiful moments of shared downtime where everyone just chats.

These idle hangouts happen most often in the smoke pit — even if a troop doesn’t smoke — because it’s where everyone relaxes.

There’s only so much you can talk about with your buddies. Quickly, you’ll learn where they’re from, what they’re like, and if they prefer blondes, brunettes, or redheads. Basic questions like this might sound lame, but they can actually tell you a lot about a person — and take your mind off war.

These are the ones that always seem to be brought up in the smoke pit (we apologize to our mothers):

5. What are your plans after you get out?

The answers vary depending on how far along you are in your deployment. They start out reasonable: “Oh, I’m thinking about going to work at my dad’s butcher shop.” Eventually, however, they turn into: “I’m going to start a band that will rival Five Finger Death Punch!”

The bands never work out. And for some reason, it’s never the guy who brings a guitar (and knows how to play it) who comes up with the idea.

They'll talk a big game, but when they get out they don't even use their GI Bill. (Image via Wikimedia)

They’ll talk a big game, but when they get out they don’t even use their GI Bill. (Image via Wikimedia Commons)

4. Who’s your favorite pop star to sing along to?

Even the most macho gym rat gets in on this conversation — and you get some weird results. Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, or Amy Winehouse are the usual go-to choices, but every now and then a Justin Bieber gets thrown in there by a brave soul.

Funny enough, you can actually find out more about your comrade if they’re cornered into picking just one. If they deny having one, they’re lying. If they complain, “Why just one?” you really get to mock them.

Katy Perry Part of Me

Katy Perry usually wins because her massive support for the troops lets you keep your “bro points.” (Screengrab via YouTube)

3. Marry, f*ck, kill.

For this game, you pick three celebrities and decide which one you would wed, bed, and want dead.

For some reason, troops will never pick challenging choices, like “Emma Watson, Emma Stone, or Emma Roberts” or “Chris Pratt, Chris Hemsworth, or Chris Evans.” It’ll always be obvious choices that kill the game immediately.

Three emmas

My heart kind of goes out to these three. They always get brought up in the first round of MFK. (Image via Reddit)

2. Would you rather ___ or ___?

This one also takes a turn for the weird the further into the deployment you are. Someone comes up with an unrealistic scenario and you pick between two unpleasant things (or two awesome things).

They usually start out as basic as “no internet or no sex” and eventually become, “would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or one hundred duck-sized horses?”

Horse sized duck or duck sized hroses

I mean, the duck-sized horses seem like the easy option because you could just kick them aside, but they can definitely over-run you. (Image via Digital Trends)

1. “Not even for $1M?”

In this hypothetical situation, a troop is offered an absurd amount of money to perform certain “acts.” This can get very inventive and it is always deranged, but people will really commit some emotions to their answers.

It’s completely hypothetical, of course — the logistics alone wouldn’t make much sense, but it’s entertaining to make your friend squirm.

Briefcase full of cash

How much would it take for you to get to know Kim Jong-Un in the biblical sense? (Image via Flickr)