Many, many years ago, before social media, a quiet intra-branch war raged. Perhaps more fiercely fought than any of the sibling rivalries between branches, this war was once the ultimate pissing contest.
Respective chiefs would urge their troops to destroy their counterparts whenever possible. Fundraiser? If we didn't beat anyone else, we had to beat them. Intramural sports? The same general rule applied: Beat Fire!
There is a friendly fight that has lasted generations, but many of its participants don't know why. Here are 5 pretty good reasons why MPs hate on firefighters:
1. Better toys
MP vehicles, when in service, typically run for the majority of the day. They're handed over from one shift to the next, racking up the miles and the dings.
Also, it doesn't help that many MP vehicles seem to mysteriously gather "unexplainable" tears and marks in the interior while aging in dog years on the exterior.
Conversely, firefighter vehicles typically look ready for a magazine shoot at all times.
2. Better quality of life
Physical training is just a part of life for all military members. In that regard, MPs and firefighters are no different.
Actually, there is a relatively big difference: Firefighters get to enjoy a workout while on duty.
Many of their stations are equipped with actual gyms. They also get to play various sports while, technically, on duty. They also have a full kitchen, usually stocked with wonderfully delicious options, and they get to sleep... while on duty.
3. More pay
Way back, in my earliest days in uniform, I recall having to eat at the base dining facility. It wasn't bad food, per se, but it was hard to access given the long hours.
Often, we'd have to settle for a boxed lunch, aka box nasty, from the flight kitchen or spend out of pocket to get something else. None of this would have bothered me had it not been common knowledge that every firefighter gets a subsistence allowance.
My fellow young Airmen and I felt like unclaimed stepchildren. Do we not have comparable hours? Are we not also first responders, unable to regularly make it to the DFAC? Are we not equal? According to mama Air Force, f*ck no.
4. Nobody else hates firefighters
Seriously. Have you ever heard anyone say, "f*ck firemen"?
Something about not having that same "untouchable" social status just makes it easy to hate them.
5. More camaraderie
There is a well-known stigma that MPs, Security Forces in particular, eat their own. It's a tough environment to live and thrive in.
This isn't to say that firefighters don't have their own mess, but, from the outside, it seems that they cover for each other as much as possible.
That same camaraderie can be found in many corners of the MP life, but seemingly not on the same level as our firefighting brethren.