5 reasons why troops should never mention they’re an artist

Drawing is the creative pastime of choice for many. It's something fun you can do almost anywhere to relieve stress — unless someone looks over your shoulder at your art collection and realizes you've got talent.

The moment you become known as that guy, your fun hobby will quickly be reduced to, "hey, guy! You're pretty good at that art sh*t, huh? Come here."

...and it's all downhill from there.

1. You become the go-to guy for everything artistic.

Drawing is apparently a rare skill that no one bothered to keep at after they set down their coloring books.

If you're identified as a skilled sketcher, that's it — there's no more looking for another talented guy in the unit.

2. You'll work with senior enlisted and officers who don't know what they want.

Draw a thing — but make it cool. Okay, great... but that wasn't what they had in mind. You should make it less like that, but more... you know?

Confused? You should be. 90% of the time, when the first sergeant asks for something drawn, you'll get the ambiguity above as feedback.

3. Your talents will amount to logo design.

"Oh, you've got a keen eye for landscapes and geometry? Perfect! Draw a grim reaper with, like, two M-4s in his hands. Oh, cartooning is more your thing? Great! Add some fire behind his skull because we're badasses."

If you're going to end up designing logos, you'll want to make something unique and your own. After all, it's going on every single company wall, t-shirt, challenge coin, sticker, letterhead, and so on. It's a shame they really just want you to stencil over the other company's logo...

4. You'll end up using your own supplies.

Need paint to redo the company logo? Here's a bucket from supply. Not the right color or even the right paint for the job? Too bad.

The only way to make sure the job is done right is to spend your own money on stuff from that obscure art store off-base.

5. You'll get blamed whenever anyone draws in the porta-johns.

You're the only one who has artistic talent in the unit, so that makes you the immediate scapegoat whenever anyone draws a d*ck on the walls of the porta-john.

But seriously, if your skills are good enough that the Colonel dragged you into Brigade to redesign the challenge coin (which you won't get, just sayin') and you drew a penis on the wall, it would be the damn Mona Lisa of dong doodles. But no one will ever understand the pride you take in your art.

*Bonus* On the bright side, it's pretty good for skating.

"Motor pool? I apologize, but I can't, Sergeant. The sergeant major has me tasked out at the Battalion building right now."

...and then you swing by the gas station for energy drinks while you're out buying another $70 pen.