6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck - We Are The Mighty
Humor

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

Take your pick: Gundam, Pacific Rim, Godzilla, RoboCop, MechWarrior, whatever. When it comes to giant robots in pop culture, they’re almost always in the hands of the military, sent to fight against some equally giant threat.


In film and television, it makes for a great, over-the-top action sequence. In reality, if troops were given a giant robot to battle, they wouldn’t be focused on the awesomeness our childhood selves imagined, but rather on all the annoying chores associated with a real, giant, fighting robot.

6. Maintenance would be a pain in the ass

Think about how troops handle Motor Pool Mondays today. Kicking a tire, turning it on, and sitting in the A/C doesn’t count as an actual maintenance check of a vehicle.

Imagine if you had to PMCS a vehicle the size of a building. Nobody would check every inch of that robot to make sure it works.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
“That’s a 10-level problem.” (Image from Sunrise’s Mobile Suit Gundam: The 08th MS Team)

5. The rules of engagement on deploying one

Whenever anything is deployed into a combat scenario, risk assessment forms are done out the ass just to make sure that using a certain piece of equipment is worth the risk it poses to its surroundings. This is why the big guns of the Apache’s Hellfire missiles aren’t tossed around like candy.

Now, take that risk and multiply it by every step the robot takes, every laser that it shoots, and every time it punches a giant monster into a building.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
Don’t get me started on the paperwork involved if a robot malfunctions or gains sentience and attacks its fleshy overlords. (Image from Orion Pictures’ RoboCop)

4. You probably wouldn’t be the pilot

If you consider how many people share the dream of being a pilot in the real world versus how many pilots there actually are, you’ll understand your chances are slim.

In fiction, it always seems like a young and spunky kid is given the reins on a multi-billion dollar fighting robot and everything works out. If the military hardly trusts its troops with something that costs a few thousand dollars, good luck getting behind the reins of a 10-figure fighting machine.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

3. If you WERE the pilot, you’d be uncomfortable as hell

Go ahead and ask a tanker, pilot, or literally anyone who spends their career operating heavy military vehicles if they were physically comfortable in their vehicle. Unless they’re a fighter pilot with seats designed to withstand the G-Force, they’ll laugh at you for asking such a ridiculous question.

Every last dime would go into giving it the ability to dispense more firepower and take more hits. Uncle Sam doesn’t care if your legs get a little bit sleepy.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
Something tells me that the alarms would probably be right behind your ear… (Image from 20th Century Fox’s Avatar)

2. All of the safety classes…

Still enthused on the giant robot idea? Well, consider that the military would likely make a million and one different classes on the importance of proper robot safety. You’ll zone out and start hating the robot the well before you’re through with half of the forty required robot safety courses.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
God forbid you take your Titan for a test drive without a ground guide. (Image from Electronic Arts’ Titanfall 2)

1. It’d just suck in battle

And then cold, hard reality sinks in. Giant fighting robots just aren’t that effective in battle.

If they’re designed to walk on two legs, it could trip easily because of how top heavy it is. If it had hands, the controls to match the precise movements of a human hand would be mindblowing. If it was as massive as a building, it would be such an easy target. If it was piloted by a human, the human better hope the metal casing is sophisticated enough to him or her.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
But a man can dream, right? (Image from Piranha Games’ MechWarrior Online)

If you manage to do mental gymnastics to justify a giant robot in the face of all these issues, congratulations! You’re basically describing a modern day tank — and that already exists.

Humor

5 times ‘Major Payne’ took training to a new level

In 1995, Damon Wayans played the hilarious U.S. Marine Maj. Benson Winifred Payne who lives for war and sleeps with his eyes open in the comedy classic, Major Payne.


In the movie, this hardheaded, natural-born killer goes from taking out the enemy on the battlefield to befriending a bunch of misfit JROTC students who want nothing more than to get rid of their new commanding officer.

To better train his cadets, Maj. Payne uses some old-school military training techniques to whip his men into shape.

Related: 6 times Gunny Hartman was guilty of hazing

1. He breaks a fellow troop’s finger

Payne finds one of his men injured after the film’s initial battle. In order to best address his troop’s wound, he decides to distract him from the pain of his gunshot — by breaking his finger. What a pal!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAgd2KvijNQ

2. He attempts to break a little kid’s finger

Right after the decorated major shows up at his new assignment, a preparatory school, a little kid runs in his direction — avoiding a pretty school counselor in the process. Payne quickly decides that in order to help ease his mental stress, he’d break his little finger.

He has a thing for breaking fingers, apparently…

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
(Universal Pictures’ Major Payne)

3. He buries his cadets in watery mud

After his new cadets are introduced to Payne’s unique training techniques, he buries the group of misfits up to their necks in muddy water and sprays a hose at their faces. It’s hilarious.

They do it at BUD/s, too.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
(Universal Pictures’ Major Payne)

4. Cross-dressing cadets

When Payne’s initial training doesn’t get through their stubborn skulls, it’s time he steps up the f*ck-f*ck games a notch or two.

Flower patterned dresses is a good place to start.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
(Universal Pictures’ Major Payne)

Also Read: 5 crazy Hollywood hazing scenes that probably happened

5. Hazing without hazing

Although it might not seem so at the start, Maj. Payne is a mastermind when it comes to getting cadets to fall in line. As part of a clever ploy, Payne offers his men a challenge: secure the Military Games trophy and he’ll leave them alone. So, his men set out to steal the beloved trophy from a rival military academy.

With a well-placed phone call, Payne ensures that the cadets who break into the academy are met immediately by an epic beatdown. That beating, however, only motivates them to want to win the upcoming games even more, as that’s the only way to secure the trophy now.

It’s a smart tactic.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
(Universal Pictures’ Major Payne)

Humor

5 military myths that Hollywood has taught us to believe

We love movies! That’s why producers spend millions of dollars making them. Sometimes the films we watch are so compelling, audience members believe every moment that is spoon fed to them is the truth.


We’re all guilty of falling for it. Many movie goers get sold on the narrative as the story unfolds across the big screen — even to the point where the performances feel true to life — and the delicate line between truth and fiction becomes too thin.

Related: 7 life lessons we learned from watching ‘Full Metal Jacket’

So check out these military myths that Hollywood puts in their movies and want us to think actually happen — but don’t fall for it.

1. Vietnam veterans are crazy

Movies and TV shows love to feature characters that had tough military careers and reverted to drinking to suppress the memories. This does happen in real life from time-to-time, but not to everyone.

Most who served during that era use their military experience to propel themselves and inspire others.

2. You throw your clean cover after a military graduation

It’s a lot of work to not only find the cover you just flung into the air but clean the grass stains off too.

Does anyone have a tide pen? (Paramount)

3. Cinematic deaths

They just don’t exist — but we tip our hats to filmmaker Oliver Stone (an Army veteran) for capturing this epic movie moment in 1986s Platoon.

How many rounds do you think he took? (Orion Pictures)

4. That one guy who can save the day

In the military, you train as a team and you fight as one, as well.

The debate isn’t if one single person can save another’s ass during battle — that frequently happens.

What we call bullsh*t on is when that single motivator springs into action and becomes the final denominator and leads them to victory as the rest of his team remains pinned down and losing the fight.

They have the need for speed (Paramount)

5. No one gets concussions…ever

We’ve seen countless movies where people get blown up by various sources of explosive ordnance and seem to recover right away (just watch any 80s movie). Since we want to believe the good guys are as tough as nails, they will just brush off the injury and carry on.

It rarely happens like that.

In fact, the traumatic brain injury has been called the signature wound of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars.

Hearing a phone or bells ringing is one of the first signs of concussion (Sony)

Can you think of any others? Comment below.

Humor

7 different types of MPs you’ll face at the gate

These brave, young men and women are the first people you’ll see as you enter the front gates, and they’re the last people you’ll spot as you exit.


The military police protect you from the various threats trying to make it on base, and carefully watch the criminals that are locked up — and the sh*t isn’t easy.

But who are these men and women who undertake this serious job? Well, we’re about to show you.

Related: 6 types of enlisted ‘docs’ you’ll meet at sick call

7. The over-the-top nice guy who is just excited to be in the military.

He’s also the guy you thought you could out-run if you needed to, but he was a track star in high school. You’ll find out the hard way.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
Yes. They will issue him a service pistol very soon. (Image from U.S. Army)

6. That Marine MP who is just looking for a reason to subdue you.

“Lie to me one more time.”

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
Marine Sgt. Shawn Brown shows the proper armlock technique during a guard training class to the Royal Tongan Marines.

5. The cute one who makes every troop want to wait in her lane at the gate, even if it’s backed up, just to say, “hey.”

Who cares if we’re late for morning muster?

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
(Image from U.S. Army)

4. The chill teddy bear that knows everybody who enters the gate.

This military policeman still halts every car… just to say, “hello.”

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
“Looking good, Mr. Peterson.”  (Image from Wikipedia Commons)

3. The MP officer with a criminal law degree that can see right through your bullsh*t.

Don’t look directly at him, we think he knows about the stripper in the trunk…

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
He can read all your secrets just from your pupil dilation. (Image from Security Forces Squadron)

2. The soldier who is just itching to deploy, but first he needs to check your identification.

It’s not that just because they are motivated, it’s just they want to make an impact, somehow.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
(U.S. Army photo by Sean Kimmons)

Also Read: 5 of the sneakiest ways people try to fool the front gate MPs

1. Rambo’s little sister.

She’s out to earn her respect and she can kick your ass if she wanted to.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
U.S. Army Spc. Adrianna Williamson, 221st Military Police Detachment military police patrolman is ready to go. (U.S. Air Force photo by Staff Sgt. Wesley Farnsworth)

Humor

6 Christmas gift ideas for the Navy

Christmas time is here and that means spending a lot of time on Amazon.com looking for the best gift ideas for your friends, family, and other loved ones. This year, the armed forces could use a few gifts that you can’t buy online. These are a few things the U.S. Navy would like to find under the tree this holiday season:


6. Two repaired destroyers

2017 saw the Arleigh Burke-class guided-missile destroyers USS Fitzgerald (DDG 62) and USS John S. McCain (DDG 56) damaged badly in collisions. While nothing can undo the tragic loss of the 17 sailors killed in the collisions, undoing the hundreds of millions of dollars’ worth of hull damage would make a nice gift.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
The Arleigh Burke-class guided-missile destroyer USS Fitzgerald (DDG 62) returns to Fleet Activities Yokosuka following a collision with a merchant vessel while operating southwest of Yokosuka, Japan. (Photo: U.S. Navy Mass Communication Specialist 1st Class Peter Burghart)

5. More hulls in the water

As of today, the Navy has 279 deployable ships. This is the lowest total since 1916. While these ships are very capable, they are not capable of being in two places at once.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
USS Shiloh operating in the Philippine Sea (US Navy)

4. Beefed-up carrier air wings

Thirty years ago, the cutting-edge air wing was composed of 24 F-14 Tomcats, 24 F/A-18 Hornets, and 15 A-6 Intruders. Today, it’s 48 F/A-18C Hornets and F/A-18E/F Super Hornets. The Navy no longer has a carrier-borne, anti-submarine warfare aircraft – the S-3 Viking has been retired. A good replacement would be a second squadron of F-35C Lightnings per carrier.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
An F-35C Lightning II on USS George Washington during F-35C Development Test III. (Lockheed Martin photo)

3. More submarines

Russia is becoming a resurgent threat in the Arctic and the only warships that can be sent to counter it are nuclear-powered attack submarines. The United States currently commissions one or two Virginia-class submarines per year. Another sub or two per year would be a welcome Christmas present.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
The Virginia-class attack submarine USS Hawaii (SSN 776) enters Apra Harbor for a scheduled port visit. The Virginia-class submarines use pump-jet propulsion systems. (U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 2nd Class Corwin Colbert)

2. Real guided-missile frigates

The fact is, the Littoral Combat Ship is a nice pickup – for the Coast Guard. The Navy would have done a lot better to replace the Oliver Hazard Perry-class guided-missile frigates with something like Spain’s Alvaro de Bazan-class Aegis frigates.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
The Spanish Navy frigate Alvaro De Bazan (F 101) conducts a close quarters exercise near a U.S. Navy guided missile destroyer while underway in the Atlantic Ocean. (U.S. Navy photo by Photographer’s Mate Airman Eben Boothby)

1. No more buzzing

Russia, China, and Iran have all been buzzing Navy ships and aircraft this year. Some brand-new rules of engagement to discourage such dangerous stunts would look good under the tree.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
In early 2017, a Russian plane buzzed a U.S. destroyer. (Photo from U.S. Dept. of Defense)

Humor

9 reasons why you should have joined the Army instead

If you didn’t pick the U.S. Army that day you walked through your local strip mall mulling over which branch to choose, then you missed out.


Let’s face it. The demonym most people use for troops and service members is soldier. And there’s a damn good reason for that!

#1. We do awesome sh*t constantly.

Can you believe that civilians actually pay to go camping or to the shooting range?

You can forever play the “Oh, you think that is cool? Well I did…” stories in the lunch room at work.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
This is just a Thursday for us. (U.S. Army Photo by Visual Information Specialist, Erich Backes)

#2. Because James Earl Jones.

The Marines may have Kylo Ren from the new Star Wars films, but we had his grandpa, Darth Vader.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
Who else can claim they have two Emmys, a Golden Globe, an Oscar, two Tonys, and a Ranger Tab?

#3. No one ever wanted to dress up as a Marine, Sailor, or Airman as a kid.

Kids running around with toy guns? They’re playing Army.

G.I. Joe? Mostly associated with the Army.

Those little green Army men? You get my point.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
And then there’s this guy, mixing all of them together. (Image via Imgur)

#4. We actually get to play with our cool toys.

Show of hands. How many airmen and sailors actually got to fly the planes or steer the ships their branch is known for doing? Now how many soldiers got to use the weapons our branch is known for using? Thought so.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

#5. The Army has style.

We have always had the freshest looking uniforms throughout military history. Even when you’ve low crawled in the mud, Army uniforms look better than whatever the hell the Navy calls their blueberry uniforms.

Related: This is what you should know about the return of the ‘pinks and greens’

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
Photo by Catherine Lowrey

#6. Our boy, Captain America, is one of the most recognizable fictional characters.

Show a picture of Captain America to nearly anyone. I bet you that they can tell you exactly what his name is and his branch of service.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
His hair and uniform are definitely out of regulations, but f*ck it. Once you have a Combat Infantryman Badge you can pretty much get away with whatever. (Film distributed by Paramount Pictures)

#7. No guts. No glory.

Yeah. Things suck some times. No denying that.

But if you don’t embrace the suck, live the suck, love the suck, and become the suck — you don’t have the privilege of calling yourself a bad ass.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
These are some of the best times and the worst times we ever had. (U.S. Army Photo by Maj. Kamil Sztalkoper)

#8. You personally get to deliver 5.56mm of freedom at a max effective range at 500 meters to piece of sh*t terrorists.

Every branch has POGs (Persons Other than Grunt.) Every branch has a version of a grunt. The Army has the highest “Hooah Sh*t” per capita. At least our POGs try to elevate themselves above their “glorified cheerleader” status.

The only down side is knowing that when you get out, you will never be as bad ass as you were when you were doing “Hooah Sh*t.”

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

#9. Almost every iconic General officer in American history was in the Army.

Crack open a history book. Nearly every great General gained their notoriety in the U.S. Army. You’re in good hands.

Not to discredit the other branches who have given our country the best military tacticians the world has ever seen (because this list is done ‘tongue in cheek’ and at the end of the day, we’re all brothers and sisters on the same team).

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

Related: 9 reasons you should have joined the Air Force instead

Articles

3 reasons why Airwolf is more badass than the F-35

Okay, you’ve heard all the complaints about the F-35. It’s super-expensive. It’s got problems getting ready for combat. But in the real world, there’s no other option. And as WATM has already explained, the Marine Corps desperately needs to replace its F/A-18 Hornets.


6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
Airwolf about to blow through two bandits. (Youtube Screenshot)

But suppose, instead of blowing their RD money on the F-35, the Air Force, Navy, and Marines had decided to pull out File A56-7W and instead replicate Airwolf? They’d have gotten a much better deal – and it might even have helped the Army, too.

Airwolf’s specs (click here for another source) reveal this helicopter already took advantage of some stealth technology, had modern ECM systems and sensors, and very heavy armament (four 30mm cannon, two 40mm cannon, and various air-to-air and air-to-ground missiles). All in all, it’s very powerful, even if it was the brainchild of one of the big TV showrunners of the 1980s and 1990s.

So, why does it beat the F-35? Here are some of the reasons.

1. It can operate off any ship

With a top speed of over Mach 2, Airwolf may have the performance of a fighter jet, but it takes off and lands like a helicopter – without the need for the complex mechanisms used on the V-22 Osprey.

Think of it this way; with Airwolf in its hanger deck every surface combatant and amphibious ship could carry what amounts to a Generation 4.5 fighter. Even the Littoral Combat Ships could handle Airwolf, giving them a lot more punch in a fight than they currently have.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
Airwolf can land anywhere this MH-60R can land. (U.S. Navy Photo by Petty Officer 3rd Class Sean M. Castellano)

2. It would replace more airframes than the F-35 would

The F-35 is replacing the AV-8B Harrier, F/A-18 Hornet, F-16 Fighting Falcon, and A-10 Thunderbolt II in U.S. service. Airwolf not only would replace all four of those airframes, but it would also replace all of the AH-1 and AH-64 helicopters in Marine Corps and Army service. The promise of the TFX program as originally envisioned in the 1960s could be fulfilled at last!

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
A look at Airwolf’s ADF pod and chain guns. (Youtube Screenshot)

3. Better performance

According to an Air Force fact sheet, the F-35 has a top speed of Mach 1.6, a ceiling of 50,000 feet, and a range of 1,350 miles without refueling. Airwolf hits a top speed of Mach 2, a ceiling of 100,000 feet, and a range of 1,450 miles.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
Full-size replica of the Airwolf at the Tennessee Museum of Aviation, Sevierville, Tennessee. (Photo from Wikimedia Commons)

In other words, Airwolf would have the F-35 beat in some crucial areas. Now, the F-35 might have an advantage in terms of payload (fixed-wing planes usually have that edge), but the fact remains, Airwolf would have been a very viable candidate for that competition – and might have had the edge, given that the Army would have bought airframes to replace the Apache.

Oh, and here’s the Season 1 opener, just for kicks:

Articles

7 struggles these veterans know all too well about humping gear

SAPI plates, hundreds of rounds of ammo, and as much water as you can haul is just a fraction of the gear our ground troops carry on their back as they move through their objectives every day.


Related: This is why grunt gear isn’t for the average man

Not too long ago, WATM ran a story featuring a TV show host who wanted to know what it felt like to carry the typical combat load a Vietnam War GI would haul. If you didn’t get a chance to see it, click here: This is why grunt gear isn’t for the average man

Many members of our loyal audience took the opportunity to chime in after reading the article and commented about what the heavy equipment they had to lug around during their time serving “in the suck” and here’s what they had to say.

1. The veteran grunt

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

2. The motivated Corpsman

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

3. The usual checklist of gear for this grunt was…

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

 

Related: 8 things Marines love to carry other than their weapon

4. The proud and seasoned machine gunner

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

5. Packing some major heat

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

6. He’s down to do it all over again

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

7. Ready for just about anything

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

 

What gear did you carry? Comment below.

Humor

9 memes to get you hyped for the Space Corps

Every branch of the U.S. Armed Forces has built up a solid supply of memes. Eventually, the Space Corps will become the sixth branch. So, why not help the Space Corps get started with a few memes of their own? After all, the branch itself has become one giant meme…


Related video:

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

…come on, “Space Force?”

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

You know they’ll be salty all over when the Space Corps gets in, too.

(via Claw of Knowledge)

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

The desire to know more intensifies…

(via Reddit)

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

I don’t even want to imagine the hell that will be zero-gravity latrine cleaning…

(via Ranger Up)

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

(via meme.cloud)

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

Soon, it’ll be stolen valor.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

Space Corps. Space Corps. Space Corps!

(Via Decelerate Your Life)

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

Pro tip: You can’t.

Humor

8 ways enlisted people could get mistaken for officers

How is it possible that two members of the same military service branch are so different? Like so many other behavioral traits, it all has to do with upbringing.


Enlisted troops go straight from the recruiter’s office and into active service while officers study to get a bachelor’s degree, go through officer leadership training, and learn a service-specific career field.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
If you don’t know the ranks structure and two military people look the same age, check out their ribbon racks.

Neither is better than the other, but there are a few old tropes that make each easy to identify — even out of uniform. But sometimes, the lines start to blur…

1. Having gray hair in civilian attire

Every so often a Marine will have the blessing (and the curse) of naturally gray hair. Sometimes the cause is hereditary, other times it’s because they’re the only one with common sense. When I was in the Corps, one platoon would send a particular gray-haired Marine to the Postal Exchange because nobody would stop this distinguished-looking man from cutting to the front of the line. In the case of acquiring energy drinks and tobacco before a month-long field operation, the ends justify the means.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
For example, Tech. Sgt. Pogge here is only 28.

2. Saying things like ‘outstanding’ instead of ‘great work’

Officers are notorious for saying this unironically. It’s succinct and professional, but if used enough, it will spread faster than that “cold” everyone got before pre-deployment leave.

3. Never helping when you see others struggle

If you ever see an officer lend a hand in loading or unloading gear, report them to the nearest law enforcement agency because that person is a spy.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
To be fair, this is everyone. Ever.

4. Walking around with a green log book and clipboard

If you want to be left alone, these two items will render you invisible. Troops will avoid you because it’s safer to assume you’re doing something important than to find out for certain. Even senior enlisted will about-face if the words ‘staff duty’ are overheard in conversation.

5. Getting lost during land navigation

Land navigation is an important skill to master because a GPS will not always work in-country. The sheer weight of a lieutenant’s butter bar will offset the azimuth of even the strongest compass.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
(via Pop Smoke)

6. Marrying for love, not BAH

Barracks life can become so unbearable that you’ll be willing to sign another contract. Some Marines will roll the dice with just about anyone to escape the bullsh*t on base. Officers have had time to nurture their relationships prior to their service, before the green weenie tries to break them up.

7. When you get in trouble, the command has your back

Rank has its privileges and officers are often given the benefit of the doubt or a slap on the wrist. If you receive the same courtesy, you’re in danger of promotion.

8. Thinking your opinion matters

Freedom of speech is for civilians.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
Instructions for opinions.

Humor

How to make great 10-cent ramen while living in the barracks

In most parts of America, Top Ramen is considered a last-resort food consumed by college kids, recently divorced dads, and drunk people. It doesn’t have to be this way. Top Ramen has potential — it’s a diamond in the rough — and it’s up to you to showcase just how delicious this peasant food can be.


Related: How certain MRE items become cash money to a service member

So, check out how to make the best Ramen coming from an eight-year Marine veteran-turned-chef.

Here are the tools you’ll need to make the perfect Top Ramen dish on a budget

  • 2-quart saucepan
  • Wooden cooking spoon
  • Stove

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
All the ingredients you’ll ever need. (Image from Sean Dodds)

Ingredients

  • 1 package of cheap Top Ramen with flavor pack
  • 2 cups water
  • 1 tbsp Soy Sauce
  • 1 tbsp Ponzu
  • 1 tbsp black bean chili paste
  • 2 tsp ground ginger
  • 2 tsp ground lemongrass
  • 1 lime
  • 1 bunch fresh cilantro
  • 1 egg
  • 1 slice of American or pepper-jack cheese

Step 1. Make broth.

Add all liquid ingredients along with the ground ginger, lemongrass, and provided flavor pack into the saucepan. Place on a stove at high heat and stir with a wooden spoon until everything is dissolved.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
The best Ramen broth ever! (Image from Sean Dodds)

Step 2. Bring to a boil.

Bring the liquid to a boil, stirring often with your wooden spoon.

Step 3. Prep the garnish.

As the broth slowly approaches a boil, chop up the cilantro. Cut the lime into a few wedges.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
Choppin’ up the herbs. (Image from Sean Dodds)

Step 4. Add the noodles.

Once the broth is boiling, add the noodles and stir until it boils again. Then, reduce to a simmer and let cook for 5 minutes.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
Drop it like it’s hot. (Image from Sean Dodds)

Also Read: 6 ways to make money while living in the barracks

Step 5. Add some cheese and the egg.

As the ramen simmers, add the cheese and egg while stirring to scramble the egg in the pot. The cheese will melt and the egg will cook, just be sure to keep stirring until both are distributed evenly.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
Don’t get any shell in there. (Image from Sean Dodds)

Step 6. Serve and garnish.

Bowl up your ramen, add 2 tbsp of chopped cilantro, squeeze the lime wedge over your bowl of greatness, and enjoy.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
Enjoy! (Image from Sean Dodds)

What are your favorite ramen recipes?

Humor

The 13 funniest memes for the week of April 13th

There’s no reason to be afraid on Friday the 13th. It’s not like anything terrible has ever happened in the military on Friday the 13th. Oh? There has? Like, a lot of times?

Well, just sit back, relax, and enjoy these memes. After all, it’s not like WWIII will suddenly commence over a few Tweets. Oh? It might? Well, that sucks.


On the bright side, our normally arbitrary number of memes released on Fridays is instead kind of festive today. So, there’s that.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

(Meme via Air Force amn/nco/snco)

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

(Meme via Decelerate Your Life)

We’ve been preparing for war with Russia ever since the ’40s and it’s about to go down because of a Tweet?

Cool.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

(Meme via Air Force Nation)

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

(Meme via /r/Military)

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

(Meme via Military Memes)

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

(Meme via /r/Military)

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

(Meme via /r/Army)

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

(Meme via Untied Status Marin Crops)

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

(Meme by WATM)

Fun Fact: Jason’s stalking sound is actually “ki-ki-ki, ma-ma-ma” and not “chi-chi-chi, ah-ah-ah.”

Here’s a source right here to prove it.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

(Meme via Grunt Style)

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

(Meme via PT Belt Nation)

Tell everyone you’re just trying to motivate the stragglers in the back.

For some reason, people still believe that.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

(Meme via /r/military)

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck

(Meme via Pop Smoke)

Humor

5 things service members hate on that are actually useful

The U.S. Military is full of rules and regulations, so much so that it gives the lower enlisted plenty to complain about. But some of the things that seem like annoying POG tasks actually make a lot of sense and, in some cases, could be lifesaving.


Here are some of the tasks service members complain about doing that, realistically, make good sense.

Related: 6 ways to be successful in the Marine infantry

5. Boot blousing

This often feels like an annoying task only POGs worry about but, when you think about it, the purpose is to keep dirt and other unwanted particles from getting inside one’s boot.

It gets stupid, though, when higher-ups prefer to see them sit near or at the top of the boot, which may look good, but ultimately defeats the purpose.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
Airmen don’t really have to worry about dirt getting in their boots, though. (Image via Citizen Airman Magazine)

4. Buckling the chin strap of a helmet

When troops of the modern age wear their combat gear, they like to call back to times of World War II and Vietnam, when troops would go on patrols with the chin strap of their helmets unbuckled.

But, when you look at why those troops did that, it becomes clear that, with the modern helmets and straps, it makes more sense to buckle up.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
Would you rather be comfortable and lose your helmet or have something to protect your head from incoming shrapnel? (Image via Reddit user 4noteprogression)

3. Police call

This is the practice of picking up every little piece of trash in front of the battalion headquarters until it looks pretty for the base commander — what a beautiful practice. After all, who doesn’t like standing in a straight line and combing the lawn for used gum and cigarette butts? But, when you think about it, this is good practice for when you’re leaving a bivouac site or sleeping area.

You want to pick up every piece of trash — yes, even the gum and cigarette butts — to make sure there’s little to no evidence of human occupation because it makes your unit harder to track.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
Remember, if you bring it in, you take it out. (Image via Duffleblog)

2. Shaving

This is a common complaint because everyone just wants to be an operator. But the truth is, having a clean shave can save your life. The requirement started during World War I to ensure a perfect seal when the gas masks go on to prevent, you know, dying from a cloud of mustard gas.

These days, having a clean shave is a part of military uniformity and discipline. It takes some discipline to wake up and shave every morning and takes no effort to just let it grow.

On the other hand, special operators are allowed to grow beards because they’re immune to chemical weapons and don’t need gas masks.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
Shave your face, nasty! (Image via Reddit user SenorWorkman)

Also read: 6 easy ways for a grunt to be accepted by POGs

1. Stand-to

“Stand-to” is a command that means to stand guard or be prepared for an enemy attack. This is especially annoying since it usually happens from before until after dusk, and before until after dawn.

No one likes being woken up half an hour before the sun rises to stand guard but, realistically, these are the times where attacks have been known to happen. The enemy likes to strike when you’re either focused on going to bed or getting up.

6 reasons why a military-issued giant robot would actually suck
Marines around their fighting positions as the sun rises (Image via Army Times)