6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked - We Are The Mighty
Humor

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked

In the military, we’re notorious for having a really dark sense of humor. We laugh at crazy sh*t ranging from getting shot at to being awoken by having hot sauce poured into our wide-open mouths.


We told you it was dark.

We also think it’s funny when professional comedians attempt to spoof us and our unique culture. Veterans are a tough crowd to please, but we typically forgive comedy sketches that try to portray what it’s like serving.

Let’s face it, we never expect any civilian comedian to get it right, but it’s funny as hell to watch them try.

Related: 6 of the best Navy recruiting commercials ranked

So, check out six of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked.

6. “The retired military specialist” — Key & Peele

Just when you think you’re out, the military attempts to pull you back in.

Well, that’s what one military specialist (Peele) thought when he’s unexpectedly approached by an Army General (Key). However, the general is there just to ask for a simple recommendation for another operative. When the military specialist learns of that fact, the real comedy begins.

(Comedy Central | YouTube)

5. “The sensitive drill sergeant” — SNL

A drill sergeant (Ferrell) with a sensitive side orders his troops to give him advice about his love life and relationships.

(Saturday Night Live | YouTube)

4. “The worst catfish ever” — College Humor

When troops deploy, they leave their spouses and loved ones behind. When you’re thousands of miles from home, it’s not uncommon for service members to claim to have long distance relationships to look cool in front of their peers.

College Humor nails this military sketch as one man poses as two different girls and catfishes two separate service members just to learn they’ve both fallen in combat.

(College Humor | YouTube)

3. Awesome Hitler Story — Key & Peele

The comedy duo does it again as they portray World War II soldiers hearing a story about one of history’s worst humans.

(Comedy Central | YouTube)

2. “My father is my colonel” — SNL

As tough as military training can be, imagine being in a command where your father is in charge — and all you want is to look cool in front of your boys.

(Saturday Night Live, YouTube)

Also Read: US Army recruitment campaigns, ranked from worst to best

1. “Would rather be elsewhere” — Monty Python

We’re not setting this clip up. Just watch it and you’ll see why we put it number one.

(Movieclips | YouTube)
Articles

13 funniest military memes for the week of Dec. 30

Yes, 2016 was horrible. Luckily, there are these 13 funny military memes to help you transition to the new year.


1. Chief doesn’t care about your skulls (via Maintainer Humor).

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
Actually, he probably does. Just not your feelings.

2. If you wanted to go home, you should have volunteered more during the year (via Air Force Memes Humor).

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
Now, you’re on the watch list for New Year’s Eve.

ALSO SEE: US Air Force pilots donned Santa hats during Christmas Day airstrike on ISIS

3. This is why troops go through the soldier readiness center (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting)

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
Actually, his men were brought down by lice.

4. “How can we make sure people know to leave the door closed?”

(via Sh-t my LPO says)

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked

5. “First question: Can I opt out?”

(via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting)

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked

6. Ugh. don’t remind me (via The Salty Soldier).

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
But hey, only three more Christmas block leaves until ETS.

7. They only care if they’re liable (via Sh-t my LPO says).

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
Once you’re gone, you’re gone.

8. The M88 can fix whatever you did wrong (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting).

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
Well, it can pull your mistakes out of the desert anyway.

9. Why not both?

(via Shit my LPO says)

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
Just make sure to do plenty of stuff both right and wrong, so they have lots of learning opportunities.

10. If Santa keeps groping the dude’s shoulders like that, he might need the penicillin (via Military World).

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked

11. At least he’s got that Air Force mustache (via Maintainer Humor).

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
Hey, it’s an important Air Force tradition.

12. When your sidearm weighs 40 pounds and has an anger problem:

(via Military World)

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
The left dog looks super bored with the whole procedure. “He never lets me fire the rifle.”

13. Jet fuel doesn’t melt steel beams, but chemtrail boxes might (via Maintainer Humor)

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
Knowing our luck, they would make the paratroops sit on the boxes, even when they leak.

Special bonus meme 1:

(via U.S Army W.T.F! moments)

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked

Special bonus meme 2:

(via The Salty Soldier)

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked

Humor

Why ‘Powerpoint Karaoke’ should be at your next unit meeting

Do you pay attention to the PowerPoint presentation at any given meeting? Have you ever taken away anything useful? Does it even matter what it’s about or what the presenter is saying?


90 percent of the time, the answer to all of these questions is, ‘no.’

Military personnel are, by and large, skilled at giving such presentations. So, when a trove of more than 57,000 old military PowerPoint presentations was uncovered by the Internet Archive, they decided to have a little fun with it.

The Internet Archive is a non-profit archive of websites and other digital content (they use the term “cultural artifacts in digital form”). They’ve been archiving the web for more than 20 years and now have millions of those digital artifacts along with billions of old web pages.

Storing PowerPoint presentations, however, is a relatively new thing, mined from the archives of .mil sites. The Internet Archive calls this collection the “Military-Industrial PowerPoint Complex.” And to celebrate its creation, they’re having a “PowerPoint Karaoke” Night.

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
The flyer for Internet Archives’ PowerPoint Karaoke Night.

PowerPoint Karaoke is an event where attendees give a five-minute presentation using a set of PowerPoint slides they’ve never seen before. The rules are simple.

1) The presenter cannot see the slides before presenting;

2) The presenter delivers each slide in succession without skipping slides or going back; and

3) The presentation ends when all slides are presented, or after 5 minutes (whichever comes first).

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked

If you want to have A PowerPoint Karaoke jam sesh in your unit, head over to Internet Archive’s Military Industrial PowerPoint Complex site and pick a few. There are tens of thousands of options to choose from. From a 2002 Navy-Marine Corps Intranet User Awareness Briefing from the Pentagon to an Army National Guard presentation called, “Writing Effective Self-Assessments,” the possibilities are endless.

The Military-Industrial PowerPoint Complex is part of the Internet Archive’s 20th Anniversary Celebration, but PowerPoint Karaoke is a new tradition — one that should be carried on.

Don’t let Fort Eustis’ “Picnic with Capt. B” information briefing get relegated to the dustbin of history.

Articles

13 funniest military memes for the week of Aug. 18th

The other guy, Logan Nye, is deploying to go do some Hooah sh*t for Uncle Sam. Hope nothing big happened this week…


Ah. Sh*t. Well then.

Here are some memes to help you forget that you didn’t make the promotion list and as the possibility of WWIII — or Civil War II — increases daily.

13. Give her a break. Her bumper sticker says she has the hardest job in the military.

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
(Via Decelerate Your Life)

12. Nothing sweeter than that first burger stateside.

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
(Via Decelerate Your Life)

11. Um…they’re both laying around when there’s work to do? Yeah. Let’s go with that.

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
(Via Decelerate Your Life)

10. The only way CQ or Staff Duty is less sh*tty is if one of your boys says there’s a “problem” you have to go check on.

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
(Via Marine Corps Memes)

9. I hope that burden of responsibility weighs the f*ck out of you.

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
(via Pop Smoke)

8. I still never figured out the proper response to civilians thanking me.

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
(Via The Salty Soldier)

7.  We hear you talking all tough behind a computer screen.

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
(Via Air Force AMN/NCO/SNCO)

6. Best part of the stupid velcro patches the Army had? We weren’t stuck with crap patches sold off-post.

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
(Via Sh*t My LPO Says)

5. Say “Roger.” Move on. And wait until your ETS.

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
(Via Sh*t my LPO Says)

4. Brig and other NJPs have got to suck but hey, at least there’s a consolation prize for that dude that hid in the engine room!

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
(Via Sh*t My LPO Says)

3. There ain’t nothing in the world 100-MPH tape, 550 cord, and a “F*ck it” attitude can’t fix!

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
Did you know that apparently E-3s and below in the Naval Aviation field are called Airmen? (Via Sh*t My LPO Says)

2. 10/10 Would promote ahead of peers!

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
(Via USAWTFM)

1. It’s impossible for Neo-Nazis to be proud Americans when 405,399 Americans died and 1,076,245 were wounded in battle fighting Nazi scum and their allies.

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
(Via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting)

Humor

5 crazy Hollywood hazing scenes that probably happened

Nothing excites film audiences more than seeing their favorite characters get pushed to the brink of their physical and mental limits, just to see them return stronger than ever.


It’s no secret that in the military “newbies,” “FNGs,” or “boots” tend to be treated unfairly because of their low rank and inexperience. It happens more than you think. Some call it “playing games,” while others label it as “hazing.”

Some still consider hazing a necessary evil in training as it allows service members a way to earn the respect of their brothers. Typically, this is earned during drinking games (not passing out), or being the PT stud (not falling out) — rarely does it consist of violent acts these days.

But once Hollywood got wind of the concept, they decided to use it as a tool to dehumanize the military genre.

Related: 5 military myths that Hollywood has taught us to believe are true

1. Choke yourself

Stanley Kubrick was a fan of showing as much mental and physical torment as he could possibly pack into 1987’s “Full Metal Jacket.” It’s been said several times that this film was as true to life for Marine boot camp as it got. So you can bet that there has been a recruit or two that has been in a Marine drill instructor deadly grasp.

Poor Pvt. Pyle (WB/Giphy images)

2. Branding

Bodily marking is a traditional way of documenting one’s life journey. Today tattoos are the fan favorite, but sometimes you just don’t have enough ink.

In 2005’s Sam Mendes directed “Jarhead,” Jake Gyllenhaal plays Marine sniper Anthony Swofford who gets a surprise greeting from his fellow brother-in-arms.

F*ck-f*ck games at their best (Uni/Giphy images)

3. Blanket party

Everyone likes to attend a good party in someone else’s honor. Hazing has been attributed to a way of teaching a sh*tbag a valuable lesson the hard way. In the military, when one person screws up, everyone screws up.

Hopefully, you’re not the one sleeping during the party (WB/Giphy images)

4. Code red

We don’t condone waking up anyone in the middle of the night by beating them, but that isn’t to say it hasn’t happened before.

Makes you want to sleep with one eye open (Columbia/Giphy images)

 Also read: 5 epic military movie mistakes

5. Hanging in a closet

In 2004’s “Stateside,” Jonathan Tucker plays Mark Deloach, a teen who goes to the Marines just to get the sh*t hazed out of him by his drill instructor played by Val Kilmer.

The bird really was the word (IDP/Giphy images)Can you think of any others? Be sure to comment and let us know.

Humor

5 things only medics can get away with

Being a medic means you’re going to work long hours and be a part of an incredible unit — probably. Like any occupation, after you learn the ropes, you’ll start to spot loopholes. Eventually, you’ll learn about the privileges that let you get away with things others can’t.


It’s actually a talent to find and exploit these privileges, so take note.

Related: 5 key differences between Army medics and Navy corpsmen

Check out five things only medics can get away with — usually. Keep in mind, you have to earn respect before pulling off most of these.

5. Yelling at an officer if they try to make a medical call

We are 100% responsible for troops’ health in our units.

Medics have to first earn the power to yell at an officer through respectable service. So, once you acquire it, only use it on special occasions — and if you start yelling, you better be right.

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked

4. Giving your troops a day off

Typically, it’s up to the primary care manager (or PCM) to decide whether to send a troop home for the day.

But, after working under the real doctor for a while, you may inherit the duty of determining medical treatment. This could mean issuing a “sick-in-quarters” slip, giving your buddy a much-earned day off.

3. Using the “silver-bullet” as a form of motivation

The “silver-bullet” is a slang term for getting your temperature checked via your rectum — it isn’t pretty.

Waving the “silver-bullet” around is a special way docs can dissuade their brothers from falling out on crazy-long hikes. If you’re waving that sucker around and you’re not a medic… well, that’s just weird.

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked

2. Haircuts

This power is specific to “Greenside” Corpsmen, or the Navy docs who get stationed with the Marines.

The Navy typically has a more relaxed grooming standard than their Marine brothers, so we can get away with having slightly longer hair while standing in Monday morning formation — depending on your company first sergeant.

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
Although the BAS — or Battalion Aid Station — is located on a Marine base, it’s run by the Navy.

Also Read: 11 things your platoon medic would never say

1. “Ducking out” and heading back to the medical station

Sometimes, a medic’s duty requires them to be at the medical station while the rest of the platoon is out doing some worthless field exercise, like “police calling.” You might call it “ducking out,” but we prefer to call it perfect timing.

Humor

5 messed-up ways troops welcome the new guy

The military is a close-knit family, built upon multiple generations of camaraderie and inside jokes. Whenever a new person is introduced into that family, they have decades of knowledge to catch up on.

Troops will always rib the new guy — it’s their way of welcoming a new brother and sister.


Of course, just because it’s time to share a life lesson or two doesn’t mean troops will pass up the opportunity to have some fun at someone else’s expense. The following techniques apply to anyone new to a unit — not just the boots.

For maximum effect, mess with the butterbars.

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked

“Hurrying up and waiting” is the most valuable skill in the military

(Meme via /r/military)

Teach them the unit’s pace

The moment you meet a new guy is the perfect time to show them how things are done — first impressions and whatnot. Chances are, they’ve still got a lot of in-processing that needs to get done and they’ll need a sponsor.

Now’s your chance. You can make this go one of two ways: Move things along at a blistering pace and watch as the new guy tries to keep up or grind things down to a screeching, maddening halt. Choose whichever way more accurately describes your unit.

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked

Everyone will find it funny. Totally.

(Meme via The Salty Soldier)

Introduce them to their new unit

Your unit has been strengthened by years of bonding. Any dumb fights or petty squabbles have been lost to time. The new guy, however, is fresh meat. You get to relive all of those old jokes without letting them know you’re joking.

For example, let the new guy know that the dude in supply isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed — so they’ll talk extremely slowly to them. Or inform them that the hard-ass First Sergeant really enjoys hugs if you go for one. The sky’s the limit.

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked

Great way to get them up to speed on how PT is done in the unit as well.

(Meme via /r/military)

Introduce them to the unit after hours

Troops wear their hardcore alcoholism on their sleeve. If the new kid just graduated high school, the most they have to brag about is, likely, that one party where someone’s dad gave them a beer. What better way to give them a more interesting story than subjecting them to possible liver failure?

This is the point where I should throw out there that, legally speaking, consumption of alcohol under the age of 21 is against the law, UCMJ action could be taken, and the MPs will bring the hammer down on those who provide alcohol.

But, you know… Not all military traditions are technically “legal.”

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked

If they’re a lieutenant, everyone will just believe your story that they just “wandered” around post.

(Meme via /r/military)

Show them the local landscape

You’d be amazed at how quickly someone learns geographical landmarks when they’re lost. Even more so if they’re on foot. It’s like an impromptu land-nav lesson. Show them the company area and then swing by the Exchange for lunch. Then, out of the blue, you’ll just happen to get an important call the moment they’re out of sight.

It’s a win-win scenario. They learn the area like the back of their hand and you get a break from babysitting.

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked

Either way, the FNG probably won’t get that you’re messing with them, so have at it.

(Meme via Army as F*ck)

Scavenger hunts!

There is no time-honored tradition tradition quite sending the new guy to retrieve one of the many items in the endless treasure trove of “completely real” things. Recruiters and older vets may try and take away the fun by letting the younger kids know that “blinker fluid” isn’t real, but there are plenty more in the cache.

Get creative and reach for the obscure. Ask the radio guys for a “can of squelch” or the not-blatantly-obvious ID-10-T form. It may sound cruel at first, but on the “search,” they’ll be run around the company area, getting familiar with who does what and where things are kept.

Articles

That time the Australian Air Force squared off against missile-shooting kangaroos

A strange story about the Aussies facing off against Stinger missile-wielding kangaroos started circulating around the internet in 1999. The most interesting development was that the story proved to be true. Mostly.


6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
Their great-grandfathers proudly served in WWI.

The original story was about the Defence Science and Technology Organization’s Land Operations/Simulations division in Australia developing the realism of their exercise scenarios. As the story tells it, the programmers were supposed to add mobs of kangaroos to the simulation, making sure to program how they might scatter from low-flying helicopters.

Supposedly, the Australian programmers reused object code from a simulated infantry unit on the marsupials. The new kangaroos scattered from the helicopter, as programmed. Then, they reappeared behind a hill, armed to the teeth with Stinger missiles. The programmers apparently forgot to deprogram their infantry training.

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
Private Joey does not operate with his coffee for the day.

Snopes, the website dedicated to investigating internet rumors, picked up this story in 2007. They found that the internet actually had the basic story right.

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
Unfortunately, the Pop Rocks and Coke myth is still a myth.

Dr. Anne-Marie Grisogono, head of the Simulation Land Operations Division at the Australian DSTO, told Snopes that programmers knew what they were doing. Heavily armed kangaroos became part of the simulation, weapons and all.

The Aussies thought it was hilarious, and not at all embarrassing.

“Since we were not at that stage interested in weapons,” Dr. Grisogono told Snopes, “we had not set any weapon or projectile types, so what the kangaroos fired at us was, in fact, the default object for the simulation, which happened to be large multicolored beachballs.”

Humor

5 conversations troops always have in a deployed smoke pit

The thing veterans miss most about deployment life is the camaraderie. Your brothers- and sisters-in-arms become as much a family as those related by blood. While every troops’ mission is different, ranging from the operator-AF SpecOps guy to the admin clerk who’s doing their part, there will always be beautiful moments of shared downtime where everyone just chats.


These idle hangouts happen most often in the smoke pit — even if a troop doesn’t smoke — because it’s where everyone relaxes.

There’s only so much you can talk about with your buddies. Quickly, you’ll learn where they’re from, what they’re like, and if they prefer blondes, brunettes, or redheads. Basic questions like this might sound lame, but they can actually tell you a lot about a person — and take your mind off war.

These are the ones that always seem to be brought up in the smoke pit (we apologize to our mothers):

5. What are your plans after you get out?

The answers vary depending on how far along you are in your deployment. They start out reasonable: “Oh, I’m thinking about going to work at my dad’s butcher shop.” Eventually, however, they turn into: “I’m going to start a band that will rival Five Finger Death Punch!”

The bands never work out. And for some reason, it’s never the guy who brings a guitar (and knows how to play it) who comes up with the idea.

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
They’ll talk a big game, but when they get out they don’t even use their GI Bill. (Image via Wikimedia Commons)

4. Who’s your favorite pop star to sing along to?

Even the most macho gym rat gets in on this conversation — and you get some weird results. Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, or Amy Winehouse are the usual go-to choices, but every now and then a Justin Bieber gets thrown in there by a brave soul.

Funny enough, you can actually find out more about your comrade if they’re cornered into picking just one. If they deny having one, they’re lying. If they complain, “Why just one?” you really get to mock them.

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked

3. Marry, f*ck, kill.

For this game, you pick three celebrities and decide which one you would wed, bed, and want dead.

For some reason, troops will never pick challenging choices, like “Emma Watson, Emma Stone, or Emma Roberts” or “Chris Pratt, Chris Hemsworth, or Chris Evans.” It’ll always be obvious choices that kill the game immediately.

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
My heart kind of goes out to these three. They always get brought up in the first round of MFK. (Image via Reddit)

2. Would you rather ___ or ___?

This one also takes a turn for the weird the further into the deployment you are. Someone comes up with an unrealistic scenario and you pick between two unpleasant things (or two awesome things).

They usually start out as basic as “no internet or no sex” and eventually become, “would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or one hundred duck-sized horses?”

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
I mean, the duck-sized horses seem like the easy option because you could just kick them aside, but they can definitely over-run you. (Image via Digital Trends)

1. “Not even for $1M?”

In this hypothetical situation, a troop is offered an absurd amount of money to perform certain “acts.” This can get very inventive and it is always deranged, but people will really commit some emotions to their answers.

It’s completely hypothetical, of course — the logistics alone wouldn’t make much sense, but it’s entertaining to make your friend squirm.

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
How much would it take for you to get to know Kim Jong-Un in the biblical sense? (Image via Flickr)

Articles

13 best military memes for the week of Dec. 23

Look, if you’re not on Christmas block leave or libo or whatever your branch calls it by now, then you’re probably not going on it.


Let’s all just sit together with the funny military memes and try not to imagine what all those people with Christmas trees and matching pajamas are doing right now.

1. It’s the only dessert made up of 50 percent sadness (via Coast Guard Memes).

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
The culinary specialists really know how to make it feel like home.

2. Gotta hit the ground running (via Air Force Memes Humor).

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
Welcome to the Air Force, with a vengeance.

3. That yellow bird is tired of your cadence calls (via Awesome Sh*t My Drill Sergeant Said).

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
First, the mice. Then, the Corps!

ALSO READ: This C-130 landing on an aircraft carrier will make you rethink physics

4. Stay low on your pushups and avoid burpees (via The Salty Soldier).

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
Hopefully, the tall fellow will take the hit and absorb most of the blast.

5. Dig deep, everyone (via Air Force amn/nco/snco).

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
The Air Force wants to at least get a laugh when you hurt their feelings.

6. Saving more Lincoln’s than a private box seat (via Sh-t My Recruiter Said).

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
Just in time for Christmas, too.

7. Congrats on your restored ratings, Navy!

(via Sh-t my LPO says)

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
Now, we are all one with the Rates.

8. Don’t necessarily want to fight another nation, but it would be super nice to have clear target identification (via Pop smoke).

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked

9. Remember to do some pushups between desserts over holiday leave (via The Salty Soldier).

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
Plus five burpees per present on Christmas morning.

10. If you think throwing up double birds when PCSing is fun, just wait till you ETS (via Lost in the Sauce).

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
This one goes out to my first brigade CSM.

11. When you’re not about that Rack City life (via Sh-t my LPO says).

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
Not sure I can come up with 956 names.

12. In their defense, the table looks super stable (via Military World).

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
I hope they were getting ready for a safety powerpoint.

13. Oooh, how will you survive?

(via Decelerate Your Life)

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked
Does the Air Force only use two fingers for their knife hands? It’s like a stiletto hand or something.

Secret bonus meme 1: My Coast Guard contacts have assured me that this is brilliant (via Coast Guard Memes).

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked

Secret bonus meme 2: Really, guys? This is literally an entire football field. Including the end zones (via Maintainer Humor).

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked

Humor

7 different types of POGs you’ll meet on mainside

If it weren’t for every man and woman competently doing their jobs, our country’s military wouldn’t be as badass as it is today. However, the military is unofficially divided into two distinct sections: those who serve in the infantry (grunts) and people other than grunts (POGs).


Although everyone works hard at the same mission — eliminating the bad guys — their roles are distinctly different.

On most military bases, the infantry and the other guys are usually separated by distance or by commands. For instance, if you’re at Marine Corps Base, Camp Pendleton, the division side (infantry) is separated from the “mainside” (POGs and pilots) by a 25-minute drive down Basilone Road.

Once a grunt leaves the division side of the base, they’ll encounter Marines from another distinct culture on mainside. Sure, they’re “good-to-go,” but they’re not grunts.

Related: 6 of the most common infantry training injuries

1. The former infantryman

Infantry life is tough, and many grunts who proudly served decide their time is over and make a lateral move to a different job. It’s all good. Just be sure to take the knowledge you learned in the infantry and keep it to yourself.

We wouldn’t want anyone knowing our secrets.

2. The “buster”

There’s a guy or gal like this everywhere you go, to be honest. This person is looking to bust other service members for random reasons, like uniform issues or a lack of military bearing.

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked

3. The one who should have been a grunt

There’s always someone that you run into on the mainside who looks, talks, and walks like they should have earned the infantry MOS. Some say it’s because “the job wasn’t available during recruitment.” *cough* Sure, buddy.

Regardless, every hard charger who thinks they can handle the pressure of being a grunt should at least look into it.

4. The bodybuilder

Some military occupations have more time to go to the gym since they don’t spend five days a week eating MREs in the field — just sayin’.

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked

Also Read: 6 different types of machine-gunners you’ll meet in the infantry

5. The NCO with three ribbons

In most branches, you have to do some incredible things to earn a ribbon. Some troops just don’t do enough to earn a few rows.

6. The storytellers

You’ll find them talking about combat-related events while they were deployed on a ship that they never left — or a large FOB where they couldn’t see the outside world from behind Hesco barriers.

6 of the funniest comedic military sketches ranked

Articles

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’

Air Force Capt. Mark Harper was probably worried about the lack of network connections and other technology in 2007 when he was sent to Djibouti, Africa, to take over a staff section there. Unfortunately, his colonel hadn’t gotten the message about Djibouti’s limited network access and ordered Harper and his crew to start making weather podcasts for Djibouti.


A podcast. In 2007. For a group of people with limited internet access. The “Good Idea Fairy” had struck again.

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Air Force Capt. Mark Harper and his crew record their weather podcast for the people of Djibouti. (Go90 No Sh*t There I Was screenshot)

Shocker, it had a limited listenership and the crew wasn’t happy while making it. But since the order came from a colonel, they would need at least a general to shoot it down.

Unfortunately for them, their attempts to sabotage the program in front of a visiting two-star didn’t exactly go according to plan. Check out the whole story, complete with a colonel falling asleep on a grateful captain, in the video embedded above.

Watch more No Sh*t There I Was:

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’

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Articles

5 adjustments the Brits need to make when Marines deploy on the HMS Queen Elizabeth

It’s now official: Marines will put some F-35Bs on HMS Queen Elizabeth for the British carrier’s first deployment in 2021.


That said, the Brits will find that the U.S. Marines will do things a bit differently than Her Majesty’s lads. Here are a few things the Brits will need to do to make life “Oorah!” for American Leathernecks.

1. Schedule regular beer runs

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Photo Credit: Streetwear Deals

The Brits may need to borrow a Supply-class replenishment ship just to have enough beer on hand for the Marines. You see, no thanks to Josephus Daniels the U.S. Navy doesn’t allow alcohol on board its vessels.

Royal Navy ships, on the other hand, are “wet,” and with the heat on carrier decks, Marines will get thirsty. The Brits will need sufficient supplies of Coors Lite to keep the Marines happy.

Oh, yeah, and when it comes to the harder stuff – figure that it might not hurt to have extras on stock. But they can leave the brandy and sherry ashore.

2. Ditch the tea and pile up the energy drinks

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An aluminum recycling bin is filled with empty energy drink cans in this 2009 photo. That year, 1,000 cans of energy drinks were sold each week at just ONE exchange in Germany. (Photo by Pfc. Jennifer Kennemer, 16th Mobile Public Affairs Detachment)

Earl Gray is not what most Marines will drink around 5:00pm. Forget even offering it.

Energy drinks on the other hand, are popular amongst all American service members. To fully understand how popular they are, keep in mind that according to a 2016 DOD release, Monster was the most popular cold beverage sold in the exchanges. In 2009, one exchange store reported selling 1,000 cans a week, according to an Army release.

Come to think of it… you may need a second replenishment ship for all the Monster that will be consumed. We’re sure Military Sealift Command will give a discount for leasing two Supply-class ships.

3. Stock coffee … and lots of it

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Marines make Coffee on Iwo Jima

While we’re talking about pick-me-ups, it may not be a bad idea to remember that the Marines will also drink coffee — and lots of it.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs from “NCIS” is not an aberration. The grouchiness if he doesn’t have his coffee – that’s not an aberration, either.

And the Marines have to have it.

That photo above was taken during the Battle of Iwo Jima. Trust me, if Leathernecks had their coffee during Iwo Jima — and did what they did there — you don’t want to see what Marines do without their coffee.

That might take a third Supply-class replenishment ship, by the way. MSC has to have a discount for leasing three, wethinks.

4. Add a rifle range

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An M9 service pistol’s magazine rests on the firing line next to a scoring sheet during a pistol qualification course aboard Camp Lejeune, N.C., April 7, 2015. (U.S. Marine Corps photo taken by Cpl. Alexander Mitchell/released)

The Marines’ motto is, “Every Marine a Rifleman.” Even the jet jockeys.

So, you’re gonna need a range so the Marines can qualify on the M16A4 rifle and the M9 pistol. That means you’ll need a good backstop, plenty of ammo, and plenty of spare magazines for both (luckily the British L85 rifle uses the same magazines as the M16).

5. Brush up on what real football is

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U.S. Naval Academy quarterback Kriss Proctor runs the ball during the 112th Army-Navy Football game at FEDEX Field in Landover, Md. The Midshipmen have won the previous nine meetings. (U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 1st Class Chad Runge/Released)

Also, depending on the time of year, you will be in football season.

No, we’re not talking the game with the black-and-white round ball. That’s soccer.

We’re talking real football. Eleven on a team, yes, but beyond that, the Brits will need to know the intricacies of the 46 defense, what “Cover 2” means, and just who Tom Brady, DeMarcus Ware, and Ezekiel Elliot are — among others.

Also, don’t even think of mentioning Manchester United in the same breath as the Chicago Bears. Just don’t.

They aren’t even in the same league as Da Bears.