The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets - We Are The Mighty
Humor

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets

You may not believe in ghosts. Neither did many White House employees…until they started working there. Hundreds of reports of famous former residents have been filed over the years by those workers. President Harry Truman even reported “listening to the ghosts walk up and down the hallway” and that the “floors pop and the drapes move back and forth.”


One White House footman who began working in the 1860s reported seeing the ghosts of Presidents Grant and McKinley and a few First Ladies. Mrs. Grover Cleveland is said to be heard crying on the second floor.

Full disclosure: the ghosts don’t hang out in the closets — at least as far as we know — but it seems like they’re everywhere else.

1. Abigail Adams

First Lady to second President of the United States John Adams, Abigail was also one of the White House’s first residents. According to History.com, Mrs. Adams spent a lot of time in the East Room, because it was the warmest in the mansion. People have reported seeing her in a cap and shawl, her arms positioned as if carrying the laundry away, and even hanging the laundry in the East Room as the smell of soap fills the air.

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Cue old spooky photo of the East Room.

 

2. Andrew Jackson

Mary Todd Lincoln reported seeing and hearing Andrew Jackson storming through the house, cursing all the way. His bedroom during his Presidency was the Rose Room — and is the most haunted room in the place. Many people also report his ghost ripping out a huge gut-laugh.

 

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Imagine waking up to that.

 

3. Dolley Madison

The belovéd First Lady to President James Madison famously saved the portrait of George Washington when the British burned the White House during the War of 1812. Her ghost can be found in the White House Rose Garden, the garden she planted. It’s said that she protects the area. When First Lady Ellen Louise Wilson ordered the area dug up, workmen reported Madison appearing to chase them away.

 

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets

 

4. John Tyler

John Tyler is often seen proposing to his second wife in the Blue Room.

 

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Tyler’s portrait is still on the wall in the Blue Room. (White House Museum photo)

 

5. The Demon Cat

The spectral feline is supposedly seen before a national disaster. The size of it depends on how close the viewer is to the cat. It starts as a little kitten but grows even more fierce as one gets closer to it. It was reportedly seen before the Stock Market Crash of 1929 and before the Kennedy Assassination.

6. Thomas Jefferson

Jefferson can be seen playing the violin in the Yellow Room.

 

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
(John Adams/HBO)

 

7. Abraham Lincoln

One of the most famous and often reported ghosts in the White House is that of Abraham Lincoln. Winston Churchill refused to sleep in the bedroom after encountering Lincoln while in the bath. Queen Wilhelmina of the Netherlands passed out after answering Lincoln’s knock on her door. Lincoln’s ghost has even been seen in the Coolidge, Roosevelt, Johnson, and Ford Administrations. Even President Reagan and his guests saw his apparition looking out the window.

 

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Maybe he could do some policy work, if he’s gonna be there forever anyway.

8. William Henry Harrison

The first President to die in the White House, he reportedly haunts the attic.

 

9. British Soldiers

Reports of Redcoats are seen in various areas of the White House. They are sometimes holding torches, waiting to burn the White House all over again. Others are at the North Portico, standing guard.

10. The Thing

No, not the Fantastic Four’s Thing. This Thing is a young teen boy whose hand grasps the shoulders of unsuspecting visitors as if to look over their shoulders. President Taft ordered that anyone spreading rumors of the Thing’s existence should be fired.

 

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets

Articles

This is what happens when you put a sailor in a stock car

U.S. Navy Surface Warfare officer, Jesse Iwuji, is a rising star in the NASCAR K&N Pro Series West. A veteran of two Arabian Gulf deployments, Jesse spends his time on land meticulously building each element of his pro racing career.


And of course, the bedrock of pro racing is the ability to move a ton of steel around a track at bone-rattling velocity.

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
“Jesse, let me know when it’s safe to unpucker.” (Go90 Oscar Mike screenshot)

As he related to Oscar Mike host Ryan Curtis when they met up at the Meridian Speedway in Boise, Idaho, success in life is all about finding the thing you’re passionate about and then making a firm decision to go and get it.

In Iwuji’s experience, hot pursuit starts with putting one foot in front of the other. He finished the 2016 season ranked Top 10 overall in points and entered the 2017 season newly partnered with three time NFL Pro Bowler Shawne Merriman as his car owner for Patriot Motorsports Group.

Curtis, of course, couldn’t wait for his chance to get behind the wheel.

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
“How about now?” “Just drive the car, man.” (Go90 Oscar Mike screenshot)

Watch as Iwuji pushes the K&N Pro Series stock car to it’s outer limits while Curtis makes the lamest joke in military history in the video embedded at the top.

Watch more Oscar Mike:

This Iraq vet kayaker will make you rethink PTSD

This is why you don’t challenge an ex-sniper to a duel

This Army vet is crazy motivated

Watch this Vietnam War vet school a young soldier in stunt driving

Humor

4 ways to actually impress Secretary Mattis

On a recent trip to Indonesia, Secretary of Defense James Mattis was treated to a display of intensity by the Indonesian Special Forces. They broke flaming bricks with their heads, rolled in broken glass, and even went as far as drinking the blood of snakes — all to impress the Warrior Monk. While Indonesian Special Forces’ demonstration definitely shows a willingness to fight, it might be a bit too much.


It’s actually not that hard to decipher ways to really impress Secretary Mattis. He basically tells everyone how to be a warrior and everyone misinterprets his advice as yet another ‘Mattisism.’ It’s simple. Just don’t call him “Mad Dog” and be a competent fighter and you’ll be on his good side. Here are some other quick, simple ways to impress the Secretary of Defense.

4. Don’t use PowerPoint

One of the most simple (and true) Mattisisms is, “PowerPoint makes us stupid” — and damn near everyone in the military agrees. Sure, it may be an easy and useful way to bullet point out some notes, but the point of “easy and useful” is lost when PowerPoint Rangers spend their entire careers creating them instead of, you know, leading their troops.

I hate to break it to every staff officer out there stuck deciding on a font, but you’re wasting your time. Your troops are waiting for you.

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
War may be this complicated on Gen. McCrystal’s level, but the average trigger-puller doesn’t care. (Image via Army)

3. Shoot the assholes who need to be shot

Every troop, from the knuckle-dragging grunt to the PowerPoint Ranger, joined the military for one reason: to help fight America’s wars. Many infantrymen kick in doors daily and many POGs may never come within a grid-square of danger. This shouldn’t matter: When the time comes, you should be willing to fight and end the enemy before they end you.

Whether they know it or not, the reason Secretary Mattis was impressed with Indonesian Special Forces was their willingness to prove they have what it takes to be a warfighter.

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Having a solid door-kick doesn’t hurt either. (Photo by Staff Sgt. Tierney Curry)

2. Be polite, be professional…

And, of course, have a plan to kill everyone you meet. This doesn’t mean that you should constantly live your life like you’re playing Grand Theft Auto V. It means that you should always stay vigilant.

Treat everyone as if they’re your friend, but have a backup plan in case they don’t feel the same way about you.

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Never take your head off a swivel. Ever. (U.S. Army photo by Cpl. George Huley)

1. Actually read the books on his reading list

Show of hands: Who’s actually read through every single book that Secretary Mattis has recommended throughout his lengthy military career? Much respect if you have, and no judgment if you haven’t.

While everyone will eat up his Mattisisms about being the meanest, roughest, most savage son of a b*tch on the battlefield, he actually talks more about being smart. “Engage your brain before your weapon.”

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Learn everything you can – except how to spell ‘dafeet.’ (DoD photo by Army Sgt. Amber I. Smith)

Articles

13 funniest military memes for the week of Oct. 14

All the best military memes, distilled down to these 13 funniest.


1. Hey, a lightning strike would probably get you a decent profile for a few days, as well (via The Salty Soldier).

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets

2. Spraying each other with the hose isn’t funny when the pressure could tear a hole in the MOPP gear (via Military Memes).

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
No horseplay during chemical attacks.

3. Why no American allies like American MREs:

(via Australian Warfighters)

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Sorry, Australia. That stuff really messes up your down unders.

SEE ALSO: The US Navy strikes back after dodging rebel missiles off of Yemen

4. $15 isn’t bad for custom food in the field (via Military Memes).

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
And you could label all your crayons, so no other Marines eat them.

5. “Sir, we’re definitely walking in circles. That guy who keeps turning around ahead of us? That’s our rear security.”

(via Military Memes)

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets

6. Gotta keep those buoys Semper Paratus:

(via Coast Guard Memes)

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Buoy tending isn’t glamorous, but someone has to do it.

7. You’ll never escape. There aren’t even any discharge papers in that maze (via Military Memes).

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Aint no discharge in the maze, ain’t no discharge on the ground, ain’t no discharge all around.

8. “Wouldn’t it be great if there were an animal patrolling with us whose primary skill is puking hairballs and showing off its butt?”

(via Military Memes)

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets

9. Everyone’s greatest hope during firewatch is that the drill instructor would talk to the other guard (via Team Non-Rec).

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets

10. He’s going to spend hours pointing out everything you did wrong (via The Salty Soldier).

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Wouldn’t it be great to see this dog discussing an incident with an MP military working dog? Like, I would watch a TV show of an all-dog military just dealing with random, garrison shenanigans.

11. Soldiers will make fun of you for being weak and coddled …

(via The Salty Soldier)

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
… while being secretly jealous of how much you are coddled.

12. The best part is that first formation isn’t until 0500 (via The Salty Soldier).

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
And SP is at 0900.

13. Just. Make. It. Stop. (via The Salty Soldier)

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets

Humor

The most unintentionally hilarious Rumsfeld ‘snowflake’ memos

When the first portion of the roughly 59,000 pages’ worth of Donald Rumsfeld’s memos were released after an almost seven-year-long legal battle under the Freedom of Information Act, people were eager to read them. The first 913 pages cover part of his time as the Secretary of Defense during 2001.


They were nicknamed “snowflakes” by his aides, as the pieces of paper would often have just a few sentences written them and would cover the Pentagon like a blizzard. It is completely understandable that former Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld was a busy man pre- and post-9/11, but his memos make him seem less like the Chief Executive Officer of the Armed Forces and more like Bill Lumbergh from Office Space.

While all 913 pages (well, 912 — page 262 is blank) of the snowflakes can be found here, we’ve taken the liberty to poke fun at what was sure to have given Pentagon staffers a headache.

1. He wanted a single piece of paper describing all the aircraft and ranking them by cost and “lethality”

 

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Obviously the BRRRRRRRT is number one. (Memo courtesy of the National Security Archive)

 

2. He thinks “Homeland Defense” sounds too German.

 

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Homeland. Vaterland. Same thing, right? (Memo courtesy of the National Security Archive)

 

3. He probably understood how sh*t of a campaign “Army of One” actually was

 

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
It really was a sh*t slogan. (Memo courtesy of the National Security Archive)

 

4. He wanted “food buttons” and was told they’re already in the works by the Sergeant Major of the Army

 

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Lucky… I want a food button… (Memo courtesy of the National Security Archive)

 

5. He asked if the military had a policy on gambling. The article he was referencing is here.

 

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
If the boss doesn’t know about the rule, does that mean we get a pass to gamble?(Memo courtesy of the National Security Archive)

 

6. He mentioned bringing up a test for soldiers to wear the black beret that was Army-wide on June 14th, 2001.

 

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
There was one. They were called Ranger School or SF Selection. (Memo courtesy of the National Security Archive)

 

7. He wondered why the DoD protected the endangered wildlife native to military installations

 

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
You dare insult the 29 Palms Tortoise!?! Those creatures are… yeah. They’re pretty f*cking useless. (Memo courtesy of the National Security Archive)

 

8. He hates initials, acronyms, and words he doesn’t understand.

 

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets

 

9. He wondered why the Navy trains.

 

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Yeah, Navy! What do you even do? …Oh? Lots? Oh, okay. (Memo courtesy of the National Security Archive)

 

10. He wanted an eye open for oil.

 

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Well, conspiracy theorists, have fun with this one… (Memo courtesy of the National Security Archive)

 

11. He couldn’t get the conference call to work properly.

 

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Blame S-6. Everyone else does. (Memo courtesy of the National Security Archive)

 

12. He doesn’t like standing for interviews. He wants to lean forward.

 

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Looks like somebody researched body language. BZ. (Memo courtesy of the National Security Archive)

 

13. He got really ticked off when one of his Generals showed up late.

 

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets

 

14. He wanted a list of good things and bad things. No context. Just lists.

 

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Slow your roll, Petyr Baelish. (Memo courtesy of the National Security Archive)

 

15. He doesn’t have time to figure out time zones.

 

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
12:55. But I mean, Google was only a thing for a few years at this point. (Memo courtesy of the National Security Archive)

 

16. He really wanted that dental appointment.

 

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
At this point, he kind of seems like a passive-aggressive roommate. (Memo courtesy of the National Security Archive)

 

17. He had high hopes that the war on terrorism would end soon.

 

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
That’s not even a bridge they’ll have to cross over 16 years and one month later. (Memo courtesy of the National Security Archive)

Humor

5 military myths that Hollywood has taught us to believe

We love movies! That’s why producers spend millions of dollars making them. Sometimes the films we watch are so compelling, audience members believe every moment that is spoon fed to them is the truth.


We’re all guilty of falling for it. Many movie goers get sold on the narrative as the story unfolds across the big screen — even to the point where the performances feel true to life — and the delicate line between truth and fiction becomes too thin.

Related: 7 life lessons we learned from watching ‘Full Metal Jacket’

So check out these military myths that Hollywood puts in their movies and want us to think actually happen — but don’t fall for it.

1. Vietnam veterans are crazy

Movies and TV shows love to feature characters that had tough military careers and reverted to drinking to suppress the memories. This does happen in real life from time-to-time, but not to everyone.

Most who served during that era use their military experience to propel themselves and inspire others.

2. You throw your clean cover after a military graduation

It’s a lot of work to not only find the cover you just flung into the air but clean the grass stains off too.

Does anyone have a tide pen? (Paramount)

3. Cinematic deaths

They just don’t exist — but we tip our hats to filmmaker Oliver Stone (an Army veteran) for capturing this epic movie moment in 1986s Platoon.

How many rounds do you think he took? (Orion Pictures)

4. That one guy who can save the day

In the military, you train as a team and you fight as one, as well.

The debate isn’t if one single person can save another’s ass during battle — that frequently happens.

What we call bullsh*t on is when that single motivator springs into action and becomes the final denominator and leads them to victory as the rest of his team remains pinned down and losing the fight.

They have the need for speed (Paramount)

5. No one gets concussions…ever

We’ve seen countless movies where people get blown up by various sources of explosive ordnance and seem to recover right away (just watch any 80s movie). Since we want to believe the good guys are as tough as nails, they will just brush off the injury and carry on.

It rarely happens like that.

In fact, the traumatic brain injury has been called the signature wound of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars.

Hearing a phone or bells ringing is one of the first signs of concussion (Sony)

Can you think of any others? Comment below.

Lists

9 things we miss from our Afghanistan deployments

With possibility of a huge troop surge to Afghanistan coming from the Trump administration, We Are The Mighty asked several OEF combat vets what they missed most from their time “in the suck.” Here’s what they had to say.


Related: 7 items every Marine needs before deploying

Thanks to the Facebook page “Bring the Sangin Boys Back” for contributing.

1. Afghan naan bread

Regardless of the rumors how the bread is pressed (by Afghans’ feet) it was delicious.

Here they’re just mixing the bread. (image via Giphy)

2. Band of Brothers

The lifelong friends you made in combat are priceless, and there’s nothing else like it.

Yup. (images via Giphy)

3. Awesome nights

With a lack of electricity, there was no artificial illumination to spoil the night sky, it made the stars pop even more.

Not an Afghan night sky, but you get the point. (images via Giphy)

4. Low responsibility

You went on patrol, pulled some time on post, worked out, slept and…pretty much that’s about it.

woke right up when sh*t went down. (images via Giphy)

5. You got to blow sh*t up  

The best part of the job while serving in the infantry was delivering the ordnance.

3/5 Get Some! (image via Giphy)

6. Firefights

Getting a chance to put all your tough training to use and put rounds down range at the bad guys was freakin’ epic.

It was that fun. (images via Giphy)

7. Getting jacked

When you’re stuck out in the middle of nowhere and have 24 different of high-calorie MREs to choose from, there’s no better way to pass the time than hitting a gym made of sand bags, 2x4s, and engineer sticks.

1,2,… 12 (images via Giphy)

8. Movie night

Huddling around a small laptop watching a comedy or “Full Metal Jacket” was considered a night out on the town. And we loved it.

And felt like you’re in a real theater… not really.  (images via Giphy)

Also Read: How to make a movie theater with your smartphone on deployment 

9. Making memories

Although you we experienced some sh*tty times, nothing beats looking back and remembering the good ones while having a beer with your boys.

To the good times! (image via Giphy)

Bonus: The emotional homecomings

Leaving your family to deploy sucks, but coming home to them — priceless.

We salute all those who serve. Thank you! (images via Giphy) WATM wishes everyone to stay safe and watch your six. That is all.

Articles

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of Jun. 17

We know that most of you are just here to steal memes for your arsenal. That’s fine. We’re doing the same thing when we go to the pages linked in blue above each meme.


If you don’t already, though, click on the links and show those page admins some love. They and their audiences are the hard workers who keep the meme currency flowing.

1. You could just get a job backpacking (via Pop Smoke).

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
You’ll get to travel in all sorts of exotic locales and meet lots of interesting people.

2. Energy drinks win wars. That’s a fact (via Air Force Nation).

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
DFAC: Get on this. The caffeine situation is unacceptable.

SEE ALSO: This Coastie crossed the English Channel 10 times on D-Day

3. “But, first sergeant said we should personalize our desks.”

(via Air Force Memes Humor)

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets

4. When you get the counseling statement that you’re falling a little short in some areas:

(via Air Force Memes Humor)

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets

5. 10 bucks says people were finding excuses to go into the room (via Pop Smoke).

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets

6. “And now we’re headed to berthing where we’ll be conducting nap time.”

(via Sh-t my LPO says)

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets

7. Actual image shared on an Air Force Facebook page (via We Are The Mighty).

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Maybe the F-35 is so expensive because it’s secretly an X-wing.

8. Remember to paint your face, Homer. Your jaundice makes you easy to pick out (via The Salty Soldier).

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Homer Simpson really is the shammer/skater spirit animal.

9. Combat outposts don’t have regs or Charms candies (via Military Memes).

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
You will need helmets, though.

10. “Don’t know why we need some fancy, new-fangled CD players in the Navy.”

(via Military Memes)

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets

11. George Washinton was so cool, he wore aviators before aviation was a thing (via Grunt Style)

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Pretty sure he was rocking a 50-star flag before there were even thirteen states, too.

12. “Sry, chief. Still waiting. The dentists are moving super slow.”

(via Coast Guard Memes)

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets

13. Of course, if it has no ammo, it’s probably not the last one you’ll ever see (via Military Nations)

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Maybe there are a few rounds left in the gun.

Humor

11 memes that will remind you how boot you were

Newbies who first enter the military typically have a pretty tough time. They are continuously reminded that they suck by their superiors and are treated like children 99% of the time.

Now, fast forward in your military career a few years and, hopefully, you’re an NCO by now. You look upon the boots who’ve just joined and probably say to yourself, “I hope I was never that bad…”


The truth is, you probably were — if not way worse. Need a refresher? Scroll down the page and get transported back to your boot days.

Note: This article will make you feel f*cking old. Enjoy!

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets

(NavyMemes.com)

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Humor

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of Oct. 27

It’s nearly Halloween. You know what that means…


Just a few more weeks until the Veteran’s Day free food extravaganza.

Until then, tide yourself over with the best military memes your veteran buddies could muster.

1. American and British vets went to Meme War this week. (via Fill Your Boots)

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Sick burn. No, really…

2. Maybe red uniforms weren’t the best idea. (via The Salty Soldier).

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
When you plow the fields by 6 but have a battle for independence at 8.

3. We were Facebook once… and young. (via Pop Smoke)

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
I don’t like to talk about my time on MySpace.

4. How long can sick call put a superhero on quarters?

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Is that curl in regs?

5. To be fair, Amazonians get better training. (via Decelerate Your Life)

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Americans don’t join the IDF because they’re Jewish.

6. I’d like to see blueberries fool Snoop.

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
I’m shook.

7. Marry that girl. (via Disgruntled Decks)

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
#relationshipgoals.

8. The military, where everything is made up and the points don’t matter. (via Why I’m Not Re-Enlisting)

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets

9. But I’m not bitter. (via Pop Smoke)

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
I might be a little bitter.

10. Time is a flat circle.

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
I’d rather deploy to Mars than go back to Iraq.

11. Why would you buy a can of Army?

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Shoulda bought a bottle of Air Force.

12. Always ready… for your deployment.

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Low blow, Coastie.

13. Come at me, fam. (via Disgruntled Decks)

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Except the Coast Guard. That meme was savage.

Humor

6 ways Austin Powers is way more operator than you

In 1997, Britain’s biggest playboy and best special agent Austin Powers rocked movie-goers with his bad teeth and groovy personality.


Completely backed by the powerful Ministry of Defense, Powers stopped at nothing to take down his most villainous arch-enemy, Dr. Evil, who commonly held the world hostage while putting his pinky in his mouth.

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Kinda looks like Putin. (Source: New Line/ Screenshot)

Against all odds, Powers continually did his part to finish his mission, regardless of what planet or time period it took place in.

Related: The nice old man in the popular military meme is actually operator AF

So check out six ways Austin Powers is more operator than you’ll ever be.

6. He volunteered to be cryogenically frozen.

Austin was so patriotic to his country he agreed to be frozen stiff until Dr. Evil returned.

What an awful facial position to be frozen in. (Image via Giphy)

5. He has a car that can freakin’ time-travel.

While you’re driving in a hybrid, he’s chasing down terrorists jumping through time.

James Bond has nothing on Austin. (Image via Giphy)

4. Austin is known for taking out his enemies with a judo chop.

It doesn’t have to look awesome, it just needs to be effective.

He’s the only spy who can take a person out with toothpaste. (Image via Giphy)

3. Women find him completely irresistible.

In fact, some women have been known to explode because of his insanely good dance moves.

Admit it. You can’t resist him either. (Image via Giphy)

2. He’s practically rocket- and fall-proof.

Just as long as Austin has someone to stand in front of him bracing the impact — he’s good to go.

The secret to staying alive is using a female villain as a shield. (Image via Giphy)

Also Read: Newly released video shows just how operator Keanu Reeves can be

1. He can detect if there is a mole in the area.

Some operators train for years gaining the experience to find a government mole. Austin Powers found one in just a few moments.

Nothing gets passed Austin. Nothing. (Image via Giphy)Can you think of any more? Comment below.
Humor

7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

Marine Corps boot camp is specially designed to mentally break down recruits before allowing them to earn the prestigious title of U.S. Marine.


When Marine hopefuls step on those famous yellow footprints during the receiving process, they need to be ready to have tons of information hurled at them.

Throughout their 13 weeks of training, recruits can expect to hear all manner of orders, insults, and jokes screamed at them.

Related: 9 things you’ll never hear your platoon sergeant say

However, it’s doubtful they will ever hear these words:

7. “Whenever you’re ready, gentlemen.”

Drill instructors aren’t patient or gentle with their recruits because they don’t have to be. In fact, if a recruit isn’t moving at “double-time” — they’re freakin’ wrong.

6. “If we are too mean, let us know and we’ll tone it down for you.” That’s not what the Marines are for?

That’s just not going to happen, really.

5. “If you can’t run three miles, it’s okay to quit after just one.”

Marines pride themselves on finishing every job. Instilling that no-fail mindset into young recruits is critical.

 

marines running
Lt. Col. David Bardorf and Sgt. Maj. Michael Rowan lead their battalion on a run during the annual battalion’s physical training session. (Photo from USMC)

 

4. “You are outstanding! I can’t wait to serve with you one day in a grunt unit.”

The U.S. Marine Corps is known for being the smallest branch. It’s rare that you’ll run into your senior drill instructor years down the line, but it happens. That being said, the recruit you are now isn’t the Marine they’ll want to serve beside later.

3. “I will never show you my knife-hand.” Marines learn love knife hands. Or Embrace them, at least.

You will see your DI’s knife-hand frequently and often.

Marine DI executing a knife hand
This DI executes a perfect knife-hand at a recruit rocking a glow belt. (Photo from USMC)

 

2. “Slow down. The war will wait for you.”

The war doesn’t wait and you should never slow down. If that’s not common sense to you now, it will be.

Also Read: 5 heroic movie acts a military officer would never do

1. “Don’t worry about learning your general orders because they’re useless.” Not in Marine hell.

General orders are a pain in the ass to memorize, but they’re burnt into your memory because they can save lives.

 

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
U.S. Marine Corps Staff Sgt. Christopher J. Rebollar, a drill instructor with Company D, 1st Recruit Training Battalion, Recruit Training Regiment, corrects a recruit aboard Marine Corps Recruit Depot San Diego, Calif., June 20, 2016. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Erick J. ClarosVillalta)

Can you think of any others? Comment below.

Articles

13 funniest military memes for the week of June 16

Military memes are like digital morale, and we have collected the most potent 13 from this week for your pleasure.


1. Definitely going to get made fun of on the ship for that one (via Sh-t my LPO says).

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Gonna be especially tough when you get sent to different ships.

2. The Army does not know how to party (via ASMDSS).

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Soldiers do, but not the Army.

ALSO SEE: The US Navy might pull these old combat ships out of mothballs

3. In the end, only the DD-214 remains.

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
At least you get to cover your truck in Eagles, Globes, and Anchors.

4. This is why socialized pay in the military is so weird:

(via Coast Guard Memes)

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Remember, future enlistees, E3 pay is E3 pay is E3 pay.

5. All this for a Camaro (via Team Non-Rec).

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
A Camaro you can’t even drive when you’re stuck out at sea.

6. Double points when they want to talk about morale (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting).

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets

7. “Keep on firing, buddy. I’m behind cover and my guardian angel is 3… 2… 1…” (via Weapons of Meme Destruction)

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
BOOM!

8. Peace. Out. (Via Lost in the Sauce)

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
Find someone else to fight your war. I’m headed to college and stuff.

9. Turns out, the camouflage works better than anyone predicted (via Sh-t my LPO says).

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
This guy won the dirtbag, shammer, and hide and seek championships for this year. Triple crown!

10. All about the Benjamins, baby (via The Salty Soldier).

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
The answer is no. Thanks for the money.

11. Chiefs will avoid it at all costs (via Decelerate Your Life).

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
They’ll go so far as swim PT just to avoid it.

12. Just remember to bring something to use in exchange (via Decelerate Your Life).

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
The supply bubbas know how to get what’s theirs.

13. He can’t help you now, staff sergeant (via Why I’m Not Re-enlisting).

The 10 most famous ghosts in the White House closets
College and the civilian job market don’t look so scary right before another NTC rotation.

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