That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets - We Are The Mighty
Humor

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets

A young girl in Marine City, Mich. overheard her parents talking about Soviet aggression in the Arctic. She didn’t entirely understand what they were talking about, but her parents saying the Russians might test nuclear bombs at the North Pole was cause for concern.


What could she do, except warn the President of the United States?

It was 1961, the height of the Cold War. The very next year would prove to be the biggest test of then-President John F. Kennedy’s mettle against his Soviet adversaries — the Cuban Missile Crisis, but that was months away.

At that moment, however, 8-year-old Michelle Rochon was worried about Santa Claus and his workshop. And she wanted to make certain President Kennedy would do something about the Soviet aggression toward the world’s jolliest elf.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Even if he had to go handle it personally.

“I knew nuclear bombs were bad. And if they were testing them at the North Pole, what was Santa going to do?” said Michelle in a phone interview with CBC News. “I just automatically thought I have to write [the President] and maybe he can do something about it.”

Her letter read:

Dear Mr. Kennedy,

 

Please stop the Russians from bombing the North Pole because they will kill Santa Claus.

I am 8 years old. I am in the third grade at Holy Cross School.

 

Yours truly,

Michelle Rochon.

She put the letter in the mailbox, addressed only to “President Kennedy, Washington, D.C.”

To her surprise, the President not only received the letter, but published a photo of him reading it. Her letter became nationwide news. And then, a few weeks later, a letter on White House stationery came in the mail for young Michelle.

(JFK Library | YouTube)

In case you don’t want to watch the video, this was the President’s reply:

Dear Michelle,

 

I was glad to get your letter about trying to stop the Russians from bombing the North Pole and risking the life of Santa Claus.

I share your concern about the atmospheric testing of the Soviet Union, not only for the North Pole but for countries throughout the world; not only for Santa Claus but for people throughout the world.

However, you must not worry about Santa Claus. I talked with him yesterday and he is fine. He will be making his rounds again this Christmas.

 

Sincerely,

John Kennedy

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Getting a reply from the President made her national news again.

Little Michelle was elated.

“All I understood was that he talked to Santa Claus and he was fine and he’d be coming around this Christmas,” she said. “President Kennedy said so. So, everything was good.”

Humor

That time Politifact took Duffel Blog seriously

On Nov. 16, Duffel Blog held its head up high as the “The American military’s Most Trusted news source” was given the dubious honors of being ranked as “Pants on Fire” by Politifact. The award was bestowed upon them after their in-depth analysis of Bowe Bergdahl wandering off during his court-martial.


According to Politifact, “The article then becomes more ridiculous.” They continue with the astute observation that “…the Pentagon offered a reward for information about Bergdahl’s whereabouts: $25,000 or seven Guantanamo detainees, depending on the credibility of the information.”

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Duffle Blog also reported Bergdahl’s praise for Star Wars’ Finn leaving the First Order to join the Rebellion.

We attempted to contact a person affiliated with the website and received the following response: “Our newsletter is pretty straightforward, if you click ‘No’. You hate America.” We could only assume Paul Szoldra was busy drinking his cognac while reading a copy of Cervantes’ Don Quixote when he received the good news.

This isn’t the first time a “most trusted news source” came close to winning. Gizmodo recognized the greatness of the site when it learned that the Army was to issue Ballistic Tomahawk Bayonets instead of the standard issue non-tomahawk bayonet. Fan of Duffle Blog, Sen. Mitch McConnell, took their charge to heart when they brought attention that the Guantanamo Prisoners were receiving GI Bill Benefits.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
The new ax bayonet will make US Today sh*t their pants when they see it.

The site already holds ten awards in the Snopes’ Fact Check category. Still, nothing compares to the prestige of having the 500+ words dedicated in their name. Their political activism work is also well known since they petitioned the White House to change the policy on troops not being able to put their hands in their pocket.

This was quickly shot down when the Sergeant Major of the Army, Raymond F. Chandler III wrote an op-ed on their site stating that “putting your hand in your pocket would get you killed.”

Congratulations, Duffel Blog. You’re an inspiration to us all. On a related note, does anyone know what the word satire means? My Google isn’t working.

Humor

What these 9 vehicles say about the troops in your unit

In the 1994 classic Forrest Gump, the eponymous character begins his life story by talking about how his mama always said you can tell an awful lot about a person by their shoes. That’s very much true — if they’re not all wearing the same combat boots.


So, what personal belonging can you use to judge someone when everyone’s issued the same gear? That’s right: a troop’s vehicle.

Take, for example, a Toyota Prius driver. Chances are they’re a fresh, butterbar Lieutenant who graduated from some West Coast university before going to Officer Candidate School. They’re also probably the type of officer who doesn’t see anything wrong with telling the gritty, chain-smoking first sergeant that he technically outranks him. Then they’ll wonder what that blur they saw was just before getting choked out…

9. POS clunker

Troops can joke about not giving a single f*ck, but when this troop says it, you know they absolutely mean it.

If they’re not a broke E-1 who just needed a way to get around post, then their life and career are likely in the same condition.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets

8. Reasonable (and bland) car

This person probably has their life together. They got the car at a reasonable rate and they’re probably a pretty nice person who will help the new guy in the unit get squared away. And then — poof — they’re ETSing to go to college on the GI Bill.

These inoffensive, average troops will likely never be brought up in anyone’s “no sh*t, there I was” story.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
If it weren’t for their ID, you’d never believe they actually served. (Photo by Airman 1st Class Mercedes Muro)

7. Lifted pick-up truck

There’s no way this person is able to see through their rear-view mirror. They’ve either got a truck bed full of crap they’re helping other people move around, they can’t see through their many gun racks, or they’ve printed out their enlisted record brief and have plastered every medal they’ve ever been awarded on there.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
(Meme via Sh*t My LPO Says)

6. The ironic white Toyota Hilux

This guy thinks he’s a joker. The white Toyota Hilux is the vehicle of choice of many of the terrorists he fought. This guy thinks it’s freaking hilarious to drive one around as a trophy vehicle (but they probably just picked it up off Craigslist).

They’ll probably tell the squad an unfunny joke in the middle of formation, look around when no one laughs, and then say it again before being told to shut the f*ck up.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets

5. Brand-new Mustang or Corvette

These guys fall into one of two categories. Maybe they actually do understand cars and take pride in their baby. Maybe they saved up money to find the perfect muscle car at a decent rate. Maybe they’re not a complete showoff. Nine times out of ten, the three previous statements are false.

The one guy who regularly maintains his Corvette in the barracks parking lot absolutely hates the other nine because they give him a bad name.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Hey, look! A unit just came back from a deployment! (Photo by Sgt. Apryl Bowman)

4. Mysterious Nissan Skyline GT-R R34

Don’t ask questions of this guy. You don’t know where or how they got the vehicle and you’re afraid to hear the answer.

This guy actually does know cars, which could be useful on motor pool days — if they weren’t at their fourth dental appointment this month.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Ask them no questions and they’ll tell you no lies. (Photo by Spanish Coches)

3. Minivan with military spouse stickers

“F*ck my life” is the mantra of this troop. You’ll find these senior NCOs in the training room talking about their glory days. They used to be somebody. Once they were loved by their troops and feared by their enemies. This man was a goddamn war hero…

…And now his life is babysitting troops. He tells his men Tide Pods aren’t edible before going home and watching the same episode of Paw Patrol for the 500th time with his three kids.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Their wife probably let them keep one bumper sticker to maintain some sort of dignity. (Meme via Smosh)

2. The Harley Cruiser

Remember the first sergeant that choked out the butterbar in the earlier Prius example? This is that guy.

It’s nothing personal — this dude truly does hate everyone. He’s definitely going to remind people that it takes an act of Congress to demote him before he takes his KA-BAR to the Hilux Joker’s tires.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Thankfully, they probably won’t do a recall formation on the weekend because they don’t want to come back either. (Photo by Sgt. John Carkeet IV)

1. High-end luxury vehicle

This person hasn’t spent a day of their adult life outside of the military but they will scare people right into the retention office like they’re on commission.

They’re probably married and their civilian spouse is almost guaranteed to raise hell at the main gate if they’re not saluted.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
“Do you know who the hell my husband is?” — “Do you know the hell am, ma’am?” (Photo by Valerie OBerry)

Articles

This is why officers should just stay in the office

Army Sgt. David Logan Nye just wanted to do his job during his first combat deployment.


But that’s not how the military works.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Who needs a metal detector when you have hopes and dreams? (Go90 No Sh*t There I Was Screenshot)

Also read: This is why the military shouldn’t completely outlaw hazing

In this episode of No Sh*t There I Was, Nye sets off on a fools-errand with a bunch of high brass and a very stressed out guy charged with detecting IEDs. When they hear a call on the radio that a potential insurgent is fleeing a checkpoint, they take off running to intercept — leaving the metal detector behind.

“Pass the guy protecting us from IEDs…because there are too many probable IEDs on the ground…?” Nye’s inner monologue reflects that of everyone who has ever had to deal with an overly-enthusiastic boss.

Luckily, the rag-tag group of heroes didn’t encounter any IEDs that day, but they did stumble upon something else much more…groovy? Check out the video at the top to see what it was.

Oh, and to my fellow officers out there, let’s try to get in the way of the experts a little less, shall we?

Watch more No Sh*t There I Was:

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’

A Ranger describes what being a ‘towed jumper’ is actually like

Why you should never run through smoke you didn’t throw

Smooth talking your way through gear turn-in is a stinky proposition

Articles

6 things you didn’t know about sick call

“Hydrate, take Motrin and change your socks.”


Chances are you’ve heard this advice at one time or another. Service members visit sick call with issues ranging from upper respiratory infections to needing to have a toenail removed. With over 130 military installations located throughout the world, every soldier, airman, sailor or Marine has medical care readily accessible. 

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets

If the troop in question needs to go to medical that day without an appointment, he or she is going to end up in an urgent care center commonly known as “Sick Call.” Here are six things you probably didn’t know about sick troops and the care they need to get back to work.

1. Thermometers 

You’re sitting on a patient table when a medical technician tells you to say “AHHHHHHH” before sticking a blue-handled thermometer under your tongue. But did you ever wonder why it was color coded?

The military purchases dual-function thermometers which are typically red and blue. The blue one is assigned to take your oral temp, where the red draws the short end of the stick and gets shoved up where the sun doesn’t shine. Not to fear, rectal temperature checks are primarily used on heat causalities.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
(Photo by Mass Communication Specialist Christopher L. Clark)

Better hope the nurse isn’t color blind because … that would suck. The photo above shows a member of the medical staff using the right color. A+.

2.  The “Feared Medical Condition Not Demonstrated”

Believe it or not, this is a real medical diagnosis. If you were to open your medical record right now and saw this term printed one or more times, chances are you were a “sick call commando.”  This isn’t the commando label you want to have.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets

“Feared Medical Condition Not Demonstrated” is a polite way to inform other medical professionals they didn’t find anything wrong with you physically. You can try and tear out the paper from your record, but unless it was hand written, it’s in the computer system. For-ev-er.

3. “One Chief Complaint Only”

For those who don’t know, a “chief complaint” is the term used for the reason you showed up to medical. “I have a headache and I think I broke my foot.” From my direct experience working alongside seasoned doctors, some stated to the patient they weren’t allowed to treat more than one medical condition at each encounter. It’s also bull.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets

This is regularly used as an excuse to get rid of you. You would likely have come back the next day for the second issue or visit the ER. Good thing Tricare covers both.

4. On The Job Training

Medical clinics commonly use the ideology of “show one, do one, teach one.” The doctor shows a new medic/corpsman/tech how to perform a procedure, they repeat it on another patient in front of the doctor, then go off and show someone else how to perform it. Sounds like a pretty good plan right? It was pretty darn helpful and a confidence builder for the lower enlisted.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets

This type of training isn’t that rare, even in the civilian sector. What is rare is how many different procedures junior enlisted were allowed to perform “under doctor supervision” – who were usually warming up their afternoon coffee.

5. Service Connections

When the VA gathers its data to process your compensation claim, it may seem hard to believe, but they don’t hire a team of private detectives and Harvard-trained doctors to conduct an extensive investigation to ensure that you get the top rating you deserve.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Mind. Blown.

After submitting your claim, the VA board wants proof your condition was a result of your time on active duty. Missing sick call and other medical documents can cause a massive delay in reaching your service connection settlement. Cover your six and make copies of your copies.

6. Legal

You may remember the day when you walked into the Military Entrance Processing Command and signed your service contract. A proud day.

What you made not have realized is that those papers you signed included The Feres Doctrine.

The Feres Doctrine is a 1950s-era rule that protects the federal government from its employees collecting damages for personal injuries experienced in the performance of their duties. So if a military doctor screws up on you, you can’t sue the government, but they can charge you with an Article 108 (destruction of government property) for getting a new tattoo or a sunburn.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets

You’re Welcome, America!

Humor

This is how to avoid the dreaded ‘blanket party’ in basic training

Besides getting physically trained to the bone by a demanding drill instructor, recruits in boot camp have another element that is feared and rarely talked about outside of the military — the “blanket party.”


A blanket party is a form of (mob) discipline that usually takes place in a military barracks setting, typically in an open bay.

The image below for “Full Metal Jacket” is a perfect example of a blanket party.

Soap wrapped in a towel is a common tool to use during a blanket party. (Image via Giphy)We don’t condone taking part in blanket parties, but the idea is to coerce a shitty recruit back on the right track. Usually it brings a massive shitstorm of legal problems — no one wants that.

But before you step into the squad bay for the first time and subject yourself to the collective judgement of the team, here are some things to avoid so you’re never in a blanket party’s sights.

Snitching

Recruits go through some tough times during their stay in basic training and alliances tend to form. Recruits always get in trouble in one way or another.

When a single person reports wrongdoing on a group of people or an individual, they might get payback in the form of a blanket party.

For not being a team player

One of the purposes of boot camp is to learn the power of teamwork. Rarely has a single person ever completed a mission by themselves. So when a recruit doesn’t pull his own weight, that can easily screw over the whole team.

If that person continually screws over everyone, that individual might get some unwanted attention after “Taps” gets played.

Being a consistent f*ck up.

In boot camp, when someone in the squad screws up, everyone gets punished. The drill instructors usually punish the whole squad bay for an individual’s mistake to teach the importance of teamwork.

It takes multiple times before someone earns a party, but after making several mistakes that affect everybody — without a glimpse of positive production — recruits tend to take matters into their own hands.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Remember the epic jelly donut scene? Always lock your foot locker people. (Source: WB)

Also Read: 7 military regs service members violate every day

Being the guy that no one likes

Like we said before, alliances tend to develop in boot camp. Most of the time they form around where your bunks are located. Getting along with others is essential in any industry. In the military, troops have commonly sacrificed their lives to save their brothers. You rarely commit your life to someone you don’t respect.

So in a world where recruits are trained to defend themselves and our country as a team, the guy that can’t make friends tends to suffer.

Again, we can’t stress this enough, We Are The Mighty absolutely does not condone blanket parties…but in the past they have sometimes been a huge “wake-up call” for someone on the receiving end.

Articles

These simple luxuries can make your next deployment tolerable


Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher

In this episode of the Mandatory Fun podcast, Blake, Tim, and Chase speak with stand-up comedian Mitch Burrow about what simple luxuries we wished we had while on deployment.

Mitch is a Marine Corps veteran that served in Operation Iraqi Freedom in 2003. He then started a career in manufacturing before realizing that it sucked. Now, Mitch has found his true calling in acting silly on a stage in front of strangers on a nightly basis.

Related: Dale Dye wants to make this epic World War II movie with veterans

Being forward deployed without the amenities that service members are used to from back home can suck. While some military branches have chow halls with an all-you-can-eat menu, others are forced to eat highly-processed foods from heavy duty plastic bags — a.k.a. MREs.

Although we wish for the most part that our livelihood will remain the same while on deployment, it’s the simple things service members miss the most.

Also Read: This is how drunken shenanigans influence pilot callsigns

So what unique and simple amenity would Marine veteran and stand-up comedian Mitch Burrow liked to have had while deployed? His answer was simple.

“A data plan.” — Mitch

To follow Mitch or check out one of his shows visit his website: Mitchburrow.com.

Hosted By:

Blake Stilwell: Air Force veteran

Tim Kirkpatrick: Navy veteran

Orvelin Valle (AKA O.V.): Navy veteran

Chase Millsap: Marine veteran

Articles

A Ranger describes what being a ‘towed jumper’ is actually like

Airborne soldiers have some particular fears that most other troops don’t have to worry about. Total malfunctions of the parachute like a “cigarette roll” can cause them to hurtle into the earth at terminal velocity while mid-air entanglements can leave them with broken bones or worse.


One of their most unique fears is that of becoming a “towed jumper,” something that happens when their chute fails to separate from their static line and they are literally towed behind the plane like the pet dog from “National Lampoon’s Vacation.”

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Brian Hanson, a U.S. Army Ranger, bounces against the skin of a C-17 over the skies of Fort Benning, Georgia. (Go90 No Sh*t There I Was screenshot)

(Younger readers should not Google that reference. Instead, just imagine the worst possible version of parasailing.)

For Army Ranger Spc. Brian Hanson, the nightmare became a reality during a training jump under the stars of Fort Benning, Georgia. He and the rest of his company were under strict orders to conduct the perfect nighttime jump, to include not losing any gear.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Brian Hanson, a U.S. Army Ranger, tries to keep his gear together while flapping in the wind like a dog’s jowls. (Go90 No Sh*t There I Was screenshot)

But Hanson’s chute failed to separate and he became a towed jumper.

This left Hanson flying through the night sky as he fervently tried to keep all of his gear as close as possible despite the wind rushing over him while he dangled 1,200 feet above the surface of Benning. Watch the video above to learn how he made peace with these developments as well as the moment when he realized he was truly screwed.

Watch more No Sh*t There I Was:

Why it sucks to report to the ‘Good Idea Fairy’

This is why the military shouldn’t completely outlaw hazing

That time Linda Hamilton asked a Marine to the ball

This is a perfect example of how ridiculous boot camp is

Articles

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of Jun. 24

Look, it’s almost the weekend. Let’s just all enjoy these hilarious memes together, get through the safety brief, and immediately start doing things we’ll regret:


1. Just remember to run fast when the safety brief is open:

(via Pop Smoke)

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
I feel like Hawkeye should be placed further back. What’s the point of being the only guy with a ranged weapon if you’re fighting at point-blank range anyway?

2. “Rolled sleeves! Time to show my power!!”

(via The Salty Soldier)

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Of course, this only works if you actually have power. Otherwise …

SEE ALSO: The Marine Corps was just bailed out by “The Boneyard”

3. “Rolled sleeves? Time to develop some power.”

(via The Salty Soldier)

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Only another couple of months of curls and you’ll be ready to show off your guns … in the winter.

4. This is exactly how Rip-Its are made. Sacrificing privates:

(via Military Memes)

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets

5. Just remember to bop your head to the beat as you read these lyrics (via The Salty Soldier).

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
And don’t play like you don’t know what song this is parodying.

6. I would spend these. I would spend all of these – ON FREEDOM!

(via Military Memes)

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
They would also be useful for beer.

7. “Mine? Mine? Mine?”

(via The Salty Soldier)

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets

8. “First to sleep, last to rise.”

(via The Salty Soldier)

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets

9. “Yes. Yes, you would.”

(via Military Memes)

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Those hearts should be explosions of blood.

10. It’s the America way (via The Salty Soldier).

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets

11. Ten bucks says the generals get larger boxes than us common folks (via Air Force amn/nco/snco).

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Probably a six or seven boxes arranged in two levels with a yard.

12. Dr. Crentist is a skilled practitioner (via The Salty Soldier).

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
He gets all the beet stains off of Dwight’s teeth. That’s impressive.

13. BTW, how long have you been sitting in the barracks, reading these memes (via The Salty Soldier)?

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Are you sure you’re not supposed to be somewhere right now?

Humor

7 dumb things troops do the first week home after a deployment

It’s the moment troops have been waiting for. They’ve counted down the days until this moment since they first arrived in-country. The second those wheels touch the ground, families rush towards their loved ones and fill them with all the love they’d missed while deployed. After that sweet moment, the week goes downhill fast.


NCOs with several deployments under their belt will offer warnings to troops regarding their first reintegration. They’ll impart every grain of wisdom they can, hoping their troops don’t make the same mistakes as so many have before them. But, chances are, NCOs will sit back and watch their troops go through a second round of boot mistakes — like these:

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets

Who says we can’t get a year’s worth of sleep in seven days?

(Via Navy Memes)

Wanting to sleep the entire time

Everyone comes out to welcome you back to the States. They’ll probably have all these grandiose plans centered around how to “best” welcome you home. They’ll fail to take into account the fact that you’re jetlagged having come from half a world away.

Try to get some sleep. Even if you overdo it the first few nights, it’s well earned. Just don’t forget that you have to deal with people while you’re awake.

[rebelmouse-proxy-image https://media.rbl.ms/image?u=%2F3o7aTskHEUdgCQAXde.gif&ho=https%3A%2F%2Fi.giphy.com&s=911&h=b48fa006aa4801f1c92155d9488f4cb5f082c6ea11151abf7d7d202bfb36c1c5&size=980x&c=4284019495 crop_info=”%7B%22image%22%3A%20%22https%3A//media.rbl.ms/image%3Fu%3D%252F3o7aTskHEUdgCQAXde.gif%26ho%3Dhttps%253A%252F%252Fi.giphy.com%26s%3D911%26h%3Db48fa006aa4801f1c92155d9488f4cb5f082c6ea11151abf7d7d202bfb36c1c5%26size%3D980x%26c%3D4284019495%22%7D” expand=1]Giphy

Freaking out over “losing” their weapon

While on deployment (in-country deployments. Not a “deployment at sea” or Kuwait tour), troops need to have their weapon at all times. There is no Hell like the one that would be brought upon you if you lost it.

That’s why it takes a few weeks for us to process the fact that it was turned into the arms room for good. Just try not to scream, “where the f*ck is my weapon!?” in the middle of a crowded mall cafeteria.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets

You’ll never trust the cleanliness of a shower again.

(Photo by Sgt. Randall Clinton)

Showering with sandals

After a while, anything “communal” becomes disgusting. This is because everyone who uses it automatically assumes it’s the next person’s turn to clean it. Nowhere is this more evident than in the already-disgusting communal showers.

Upon returning home, many troops they instinctively wear them, even in their own homes, because, at this point, it’s just too weird not to.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets

If it seems like a dumb idea, but it works, it ain’t dumb…

(Meme via Dysfunctional Veterans)

Drinking like they did before the deployment

The funny thing about tolerances is that they’re perishable. Right before a deployment, a troop could down an entire bottle of whiskey to themselves and maybe get a buzz going. Afterwords, one sniff of beer might knock that same troop out.

Take things easy. Download a ride-sharing app or have a taxi on speed dial. Don’t expect your NCO to come play designated driver for you because they’re probably drunk after a single sniff of beer, too.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets

“I’m a go**amn war hero. I can binge-watch Netflix my entire leave and no one can stop me!”

Trying to catch up on TV shows and films (all at once)

If the troops didn’t get the chance to binge watch everything at the MWR or get lucky with advanced deployment screenings, they’re going to be laser-focused on trying to find out what happened while they were gone.

This is extra applicable for TV series that are vulnerable to spoilers on the internet.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets

…even you can afford the 39% interest rate.

(Via /r/Justbootthings)

Wasting so, so much money

The thing about deployments is that troops will still make money while they’re gone and have nothing to spend it on. All that tax-free combat pay just keeps piling up — even more so if they’re single.

It may seem like you’re rich enough to drop all that cash on the Corvette you wanted as a private, but you’re still making a boot mistake…

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets

I’m not stopping you, by any means. Just advising you.

(via Pop Smoke)

Forgetting civilians aren’t fans of our humor

There really isn’t much to do overseas except hang out with the platoon. Everyone has told their jokes a hundred times over. The only way to keep things funny is to take it to the next level. Sooner or later, the jokes enter a realm that makes all of our grandmothers want to whoop our grizzled, war-fighting asses for even thinking it’s funny.

Just remember, there are now kids around as you tell stories about your scorpion death fights.

Articles

19 terms only sailors will understand

All sailors, from the “old salts” to the newly initiated are familiar with the following terms:

Chit: A chit in the Navy refers to any piece of paper from a form to a pass and even currency. According to the Navy history museum, the word chit was carried over from the days of Hindu traders when they used slips of paper called “citthi” for money.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Photo: Kibbe Museum


Scuttlebutt: The Navy term for water fountain. The Navy History Museum describes the term as a combination of “scuttle,” to make a hole in the ship’s side causing her to sink, and “butt,” a cask or hogshead used in the days of wooden ships to hold drinking water; thus the term scuttlebutt means a cask with a hole in it.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Photo: Wikimedia

Crank: The term used to describe a mess deck worker, typically a new transferee assigned to the mess decks while qualifying for regular watch.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Photo: U.S. Navy

Cadillac: This is the term used to describe a mop bucket with wheels and a ringer. When sailors are assigned to cleaning duties, they prefer the luxurious Cadillac over the bucket.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets

Knee-knockers: A knee-knocker refers to the bottom portion of a watertight door’s frame. They are notorious for causing shin injuries and drunken sailors hate them.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Photo: Bob Perry

Comshaw: The term used when obtaining something outside of official channels or payment, usually by trading or bartering. For example, sailors on a deployed ship got pizza in exchange for doing the laundry of the C-2 Greyhound crew that flew it in.

*Younger sailors may use the term “drug deal” instead of comshaw.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Photo: U.S. Navy

Gear adrift: The term used to describe items that are not properly stowed away. The shoes in this picture would be considered gear adrift. Also sometimes phrased as “gear adrift is a gift.”

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Photo: U.S. Navy

Geedunk: The term sailors use for vending machine and junk food.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Photo: Exostratics

Snipe: The term used to describe sailors that work below decks, usually those that are assigned to engineering rates, such as Machinists Mates, Boilermen, Enginemen, Hull Technicians, and more.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Photo: U.S. Navy

Airdale: These are sailors assigned to the air wing — everyone from pilots down to the airplane maintenance crew.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Photo: Howard Jefferson

Bubble head: The term sailors use to describe submariners.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Photo: U.S. Navy

Gun decking: Filling out a log or form with imaginary data, usually done out of laziness or to satisfy an inspection.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Photo: U.S. Navy

Muster: The term sailors use interchangeably for meeting and roll call.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Photo: U.S. Navy

Turco: The chemical used for washing airplanes.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Photo: U.S. Navy

Pad eye: These are the hook points on a ship’s surface used to tie down airplanes with chains.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Photo: U.S. Navy

Mid-rats: Short for mid rations. The food line open from midnight to 6:00 a.m. that usually consists of leftovers and easy-to-make food like hamburgers, sandwich fixings, and weenies.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Photo: U.S. Navy

Roach coach: The snack or lunch truck that stops by the pier.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Photo: U.S. Navy

Bomb farm: Areas on the ship where aviation ordnancemen men store their bombs.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Photo: Wikimedia

Nuke it: The term used when a sailor is overthinking a simple task. Here’s how the Navy publication, All Hands describes the term:

“The phrase is often used by sailors as a way to say stop over thinking things in the way a nuclear officer might. Don’t dissect everything down to its nuts and bolts. Just stop thinking. But that’s the thing; sailors who are part of the nuclear Navy can’t stop. They have no choice but to nuke it.”

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets

Photo: U.S. Navy

Humor

This is what the Marines from ‘Heartbreak Ridge’ are doing today

The 1986 movie Heartbreak Ridge took the Marine Corps community and audiences by storm, introducing Gunnery Sgt. Thomas Highway’s rough and tumble personality to the delight of all.


Clint Eastwood took on dual roles as he starred in and directed this iconic film role about a man who is on the tail-end of his military service.

But did you ever think about where the Marines may have ended up today?

Well, we used our (fictional) WATM private investigators to look for the Recon Marines’ silver screen whereabouts, and here’s what they found.

Related: This is what happened to the soldiers from the ‘Hurt Locker’

FYI: Don’t take this literally.

Major Powers

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
(Source: WB)

After this Marine officer was humiliated in front of his superiors by a seasoned gunny, Powers decided to get out of the Corps and become a criminal — then just went totally grey.

He teamed up with a computer hacker and highjacked a train to use as a mobile headquarters to take control of a destructive U.S. satellite. Unfortunately for him, Powers ran into a former chef and Navy SEAL named Casy Ryback who was on vacation with his niece. How about those odds.

They duked it out in a narrow kitchen, and Ryback eventually broke his neck, killing him instantly.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets

Tough break. Get it? Tough break.

Stitch

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
(Source: WB)

This dive bar musician-turned-Marine was so motivated that he was recruited into an android program that has nothing to do with smartphones. The government turned him into a freakin’ android soldier and released him on a “Solo” mission to Latin America to destroy some local rebels.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets

Nowadays, Stitch pops up here and there but mainly stays behind the scenes.

Profile

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
(Source: WB)

Remember the guy in the squad who most reassembled a twig? That’s him. He didn’t do much after faking his own death to get out of the Marines.

Legend has it that he developed a nasty skin infection and began to murder teenagers near a theater during a horror movie marathon — but that can’t be right.

Rumors are rarely true. Right?.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets

Also Read: Here’s what the Marines of ‘Full Metal Jacket’ are doing today

Gunny Highway

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
(Source: WB)

After serving three decades in the Corps, chronic laryngitis forced gunny to retire — but not for long. He stumbled upon a job in the secret service and spoiled a plot to kill the president.

What a guy!

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets

Gunny continued life in law enforcement for a few more years before actually retiring to a small house with his beloved Gran Torino.

Too bad he had a problem with a local Asian gang. Gunny was shot several times after pulling out his “hand pistol” from inside of his jacket.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets

He recovered “like it ain’t shit” because a couple of bullets isn’t going to stop Gunny Highway. No f*cking way! Now you can see him hanging around the baseball field spotting players who have trouble with curveballs.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets

Humor

5 ways winning an Oscar is easier than receiving a Medal of Honor.

The curtains have closed on the 90th Academy Awards. Lucky for us, the public, we are now completely inundated with the subsequent news, reporting, and photos. It’s quite a lot to take in but we aren’t really given much of a choice, are we?


Earning an Oscar represents reaching the pinnacle of one’s profession — we cannot deny the gravity of this accomplishment — but judging by the way the award is championed, you’d think there was nothing else as prestigious as an Academy Award. Nothing so sought after, so respected, so revered…

If you’re not part of the military community, it might make sense to think that. We understand that winning an Oscar is a huge deal — but it’s not like they received a Medal of Honor or something, right?

These two recognitions are different beasts with two very different sets of criteria, but it’s easy to argue that the military’s highest honor is a bit harder to come by than that of the motion picture world. Don’t believe me? Here are 5 ways that winning an Oscar is easier than receiving a Medal of Honor.

Related: 6 signs that you might be a veteran

1. Repeat winners

Yes, there actually is a rare breed of men who have been awarded multiple Medals of Honor, but nobody’s done it for 100 years. Additionally, many of them were given multiple medals for the same action but by two different services.

Sure, it doesn’t seem like it took quite as momentous an achievement prior to 1918 to earn a Medal of Honor, but they weren’t just giving them out for a job decently done. Conversely, do a quick scrub of the list of Best Actor or Best Director winners and you’ll find more than a few questionable selections.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Meryl Streep has won an Academy Award on three separate occasions. (Photo by Gold Derby).

4. Lifetime-achievement MoH?

As stated above, there are some Oscar winners who, arguably, didn’t quite dazzle in the year they won an award. To put it plainly, sometimes, the Academy gets it wrong. This can result in filmmakers not getting their just due for years or decades.

To rectify this, the Academy gives out an honorary Oscar — a lifetime-achievement Oscar. The Academy has given out at least one every year since 1948.

The Medal of Honor doesn’t quite work in that fashion, but a couple of American soldiers did get awarded the Medal of Honor for lifetime achievement, so there is a precedent.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
One of only two service members to ever receive a Medal of Honor for lifetime achievement (Photo from History.Net)

3. It takes years — and often death — to be recognized

Outside of the occasional snub and the lifetime-achievement Oscars, most winners are recognized within a year or so of their work being released.

There are deceased service members from as far back as World War I still being awarded their proper citation.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets

2. There were more new Oscar winners this year than there are total Air Force Medal of Honor recipients

The Air Force has only awarded 16 Medals of Honor in its 70-year history.

You’ll need all your fingers, toes, and plenty of hash marks to number all the first-time Oscar winners from 2018 alone.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
Three brand new Oscar winners and one repeat. (Photo from ABC)

Also Read: This hero was so deadly, they called him ‘Black Death’

1. Campaigns are different

As previously stated, receiving a Medal of Honor can take a little while. Add that to the fact that it may take paying the ultimate price to even be considered and you can quickly see how the campaigns for Medal of Honor consideration differ from campaigns to get the latest buzz movie an Oscar nod.

People fighting for Medal of Honor recognition are typically historians, family members, fellow service members, and the like. Their campaigning is done through Congress and takes decades of quietly applying pressure.

Not so much for the Oscars.

That time JFK promised to save Santa from the Soviets
It really can take a while, guys (Photo from Devgru5022 YouTube)