5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant - We Are The Mighty
Humor

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant

Platoon sergeants aren’t there to be liked by the platoon, they’re there to make sure the platoon is prepared for every mission.


But, when a platoon sergeant gets along with their troops, it’s great for morale.

Personally, we think there’d no better person for the job than Wade Wilson, a.k.a Deadpool. Why?

Related: 6 DC comic heroes who served in the Army

1. He’s freaking hilarious

Platoon sergeants have a special talent for humor, almost as if they teach it at Infantry Unit Leaders Course. Deadpool has mastered the art like it’s his job.

 

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
He also has a dirty sense of humor.

 

2. Deadpool isn’t the “aye, sir” type

Deadpool bows to no one. Like any good platoon sergeant, if he disagrees with a higher-up, he says something about it — which means he would always fight for his guys.

The lower enlisted members of the platoon love platoon sergeants who are willing to fight on their behalf at the company office.

3. He’s always willing to joke around

Deadpool earned the title, “Merc with a mouth” by always finding the time to crack wise, using the previously-mentioned, professional-level sarcasm. This is a quality shared by the best platoon sergeants and adored by the lower enlisted members of their platoons.

 

4. He has no filter

When explaining to a higher-up that he disagrees with something, you know Deadpool won’t veil his point in metaphor — he’s going to be blunt and honest. And he’ll probably be absolutely hilarious in the process.

Also read: 6 differences between machine gunners and riflemen

5. Deadpool is nearly impossible to kill

Most platoon sergeants are seemingly bulletproof, but Deadpool actually bulletproof. If wounded, he can simply regenerate, making him an extremely hard target.

 

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
He can survive anything you throw or shoot at him… or stab or blow him up with. (Image from 20th Century Fox’s Deadpool)

Humor

We decided to make the best fictional fighter squadron ever

The fighter squadron has long been a staple of the military in the real world – as well as in fiction. When you think “Star Wars,” you think Red Squadron making the trench run. “Robotech” had Skull Squadron. “Baa Baa Black Sheep” had a very fictionalized version of VMF-214, the “Black Sheep.”


There are real squadrons with legendary track records as well. VMF-211 is the famous “Wake Island Avengers,” there are the “Jolly Rogers” from the U.S. Navy, as well as the “Black Aces” of VF-41. The Air Force has the 555th Fighter Squadron (the “Triple Nickel”), as well as the “Juvats” from the 80th Fighter Squadron.

Fighter squadrons can have anywhere from 12 to 24 planes. In this case, we will go with four flights of four planes each. We’ll also add the CO, XO, and Ops Officer slots as well in what we will call All-Star Squadron.

Commanding Officer – Greg “Pappy” Boyington from “Baa Baa Black Sheep”

 

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
(Photo from Wikimedia Commons)

The real Pappy Boyington was the top Marine Corps ace – and he had a good run as the commander of VMF-214. The fictionalized version played by Robert Conrad was a superb tactician – cooking up a version of “Operation Bolo” in the pilot of the series, then pulling off several other operations. Also, his experience riding herd on the motley crew of VMF-214 will help with this unit as well.

Executive Officer Wilma Deering from “Buck Rogers in the 25th Century”

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
(Youtube Screenshot)

A good pilot in her own right, Wilma also can backstop Boyington’s weaknesses. Notably the paperwork and all the other mundane details that Boyington either got bored with, or may be too hung over to deal with.

Operations Officer – Chappy Sinclair from “Iron Eagle”

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
(Youtube Screenshot)

Chappy Sinclair is here as a superb operational planner. In all four “Iron Eagle” movies, he is a mover and shaker — often able to accomplish missions despite long odds and being outnumbered and outgunned. Who else could you pick as the Ops O?

First Flight

All-Star One-One – Jeffrey Sinclair from “Babylon 5”

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
(Youtube Screenshot)

With a long family tradition of fighter pilots, Sinclair was no slouch himself, being one of the few survivors from the Battle of the Line. However, in more even fights, he held his own.

All-Star One-Two – Luke Skywalker from “Star Wars”

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
(Youtube Screenshot)

This farm kid has been lucky and has a few kills, but he is clearly a raw talent who could learn from being on the wing of a more experienced fighter pilot. This kid will get his own squadron – someday.

All-Star One-Three – David Campbell from “The Longest Day”

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
(Photo from Wikimedia Commons)

One of “The Few” who had fought off the Nazis in the Battle of Britain, he can be an excellent element lead. Tends to be up for a sortie – unless he’s drinking a beer.

All Star One-Four – Christopher Blair from “Wing Commander”

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
(Youtube Screenshot)

He is fresh out of flight training but clearly has some natural ability. Like Skywalker, he is best suited as a wingman for now, but has the ability to rise through the ranks.

Second Flight

All-Star Two-One – Roy Fokker from “Robotech”

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
(Youtube Screenshot)

He has seen a lot of combat, and has been a father figure to younger pilots. Given his extensive combat experience, he can lead a flight, no problem.

All-Star Two-Two – Lieutenant Starbuck from the original “Battlestar Galactica”

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
(Photo from Wikimedia Commons)

A sharp pilot who can sometimes get himself in too deep (he’s crashed his fighter a number of times), Starbuck is not quite yet flight or element lead material.

All-Star Two-Three – Wedge Antilles from “Star Wars”

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
(Photo from Wikimedia Commons)

This guy has plenty of experience, and he has managed to survive two Death Star runs. That said, his units have taken heavy casualties in the past. Good enough to command an element, but flight lead may be a stretch for now.

All-Star Two-Four – Doug Masters from “Iron Eagle”

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
(Youtube Screenshot)

Another natural stick with a high kill count. Still, there is a distinct need for more seasoning. Though Masters does seem to enjoy playing tunes while flying.

Third Flight

All-Star Three-One – Tyrus Cassius McQueen from “Space: Above and Beyond”

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
(Youtube Screenshot)

He’s taken on an enemy ace and lived, plus he has a track record of being a mentor to younger pilots. McQueen’ll be able to handle the other pilots in this flight.

All-Star Three-Two – Steven Hiller from “Independence Day”

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
(Youtube Screenshot)

He’s a good pilot – scoring a maneuver kill against an enemy that had a means to neutralize other weapons. Then he readily adapted to flying an alien craft. While he may get his own squadron some day, right now, he needs someone more experienced to get him to settle down and get over his obsession with the Fat Lady.

All-Star Three-Three – Cameron Mitchell from “Stargate: SG-1”

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
(Youtube Screenshot)

He’s had combat experience on Earth and against the Gou’ald, as well as some small-unit leadership experience. Mitchell also received the Medal of Honor for heroism.

All-Star Three-Four – Pete Mitchell from “Top Gun”

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
(WATM photo archive)

No relation to Cameron Mitchell, Pete is a very good pilot with three kills in one engagement over the Indian Ocean. That said, some view his unorthodox style as “dangerous,” and he has made high-speed passes on various towers.

Fourth Flight

All-Star Four-One – Brad Little from “Fire Birds”

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
(Youtube Screenshot)

Okay, he mostly flew rotary-wing aircraft, but he has extensive experience as an instructor, and did score a kill on a fighter with an Apache.

All-Star Four-Two – Harmon Rabb, Jr. from “JAG”

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
(Youtube Screenshot)

Rabb’s shown some skill, but had a lengthy layoff due to his assignment to the Judge Advocate General corps for an extended period. He’ll catch on quick, but let’s season him under Little.

All-Star Four-Three – Blaine Rawlings from “Flyboys”

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
(Youtube Screenshot)

The combat experience Rawlings has is substantial, and he did down a pair of German aces. He was also awarded the Croix de Guerre for a daring rescue.

All-Star Four-Four – Tom Kazanski from “Top Gun”

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
(Youtube Screenshot)

The man flies by the book, and has very rarely made a mistake (over the Indian Ocean, he got target-fixated and a MiG-28 damaged his bird). We figure he’s best suited to flying as someone’s wingman until he can loosen up a little.

Who do you think we should add? Let us know in the comments below.

Humor

14 movies that made you want to join the military

Every so often Hollywood makes a military movie that’s so compelling in the eyes of the audience that it helps shape how they view the world. War stories in general display how dangerous life can be for those serving on active duty — mostly in the infantry.


But from time-to-time, some minor aspect of these films call out to movie-goers and motivate them to serve.

So we asked several veterans what movies made them want to join the armed forces and here’s what they told us.

Related: 7 awesome weapon arsenals in the movies

Here’s the breakdown:

1. Black Hawk Down

The brotherhood the men had with one another was outstanding. Leave no man behind.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Sgt. Eversman listens in on the radio. (Source: Colombia/Screenshot)

2. Full Metal Jacket

Maybe veterans became curious if they could make it through Marine boot camp after watching the film.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Gunny Hartman instructing his recruits. (Source: WB/Screenshot)

3. Mulan

She sacrificed herself for her father and her country.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
(Source: Buena Vista/ YouTube/ Screenshot)

4. Top Gun

Most men wanted to join the Navy and become fighter pilots after watching Maverick work his tactical magic.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Jesters dead! (Source: Paramount/Screenshot)

5. The Dirty Dozen

They were badass and didn’t take sh*t. Many veterans joined to have that image of being badass.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
They all look so freakin’ awesome. (Source: MGM/Screenshot)

6. Hunt for Red October

The film made being stationed on a sub look intense and exciting.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Captain Marko Ramius welcomes a boarding party from the USS Dallas aboard the Red October (Source: Paramount/YouTube/Screenshot)

7. A Few Good Men

The discipline the two Marines had on trial was outstanding.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
He wants the truth! (Source: /Screenshot)

8. Schindler’s List

The film showed terrible brutality, and many Americans joined the service to fight for those who can’t fight for themselves.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Oskar Schindler speaks with corrupt Nazi soldier Amon Goeth (Source: Universal/Screenshot)

9. Enemy at the Gates

In order to be the best, you have to go up against the best. Which is what Russian sniper Vasily Zaytsev had to do during the Battle of Stalingrad.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Source: Paramount)

10. The Delta Force

Chuck Norris made being an operator look even more freaking cool — if that’s even possible.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Chuck Norris always gets his man. (Source: Cannon /Screenshot)

11. We Were Soldiers

The film inspired countless people because of the bravery of the men and leadership of Lt. Col. Moore.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant

12. Pvt. Benjamin

Many veterans watched the film as kids and respected her fight after no one believed in her — but her.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
(Source: WB/Screenshot)

13. Saving Private Ryan

Some saw the Rangers who searched for Pvt. Ryan as the ultimate team and showed a cohesive military unit with a normal leader.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Heading in to storm the beach. (Source: DreamWorks/Screenshot)

14. Deer Hunter

The filmed showed brotherly love. Many civilians respect that and want that in their lives.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Playing Russian roulette with a loaded revolver. (Source: /Screenshot)

What movies made you want to join the military? Comment below.

Humor

7 reasons why active duty hate on reservists

The military is divided into two groups: The hardcore, active-duty troops and the weekend warriors we’ve come to know as reservists.


We’re all on the same team, but the rivalry between active duty and reservists can be just as intense as inter-branch rivalries. Working together can be freakin’ tough.

(238DarthNinja | YouTube)The struggle is real, people!

Related: 6 reasons why Marines hate on the Air Force

Check out these seven reasons why active duty hate on reservists

7. They expect the same respect when you run into one of them.

Not every command has a reservist unit attached, so running into one is rare. But when you do, it’s jarring. Since we wear the same uniform, they expect to be treated like any other trooper.

Except they only train drill work show up two days a month and want to be seen as if they’re the tip of the spear.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Please, don’t let me deploy.

6. Your office always looks like sh*t on Monday mornings.

Reservist use your office space when they finally make it into work. It becomes theirs and there’s nothing you can do about it.

5. It feels like a stranger is living in your house one weekend per month.

They sit at your desk, use your computer, eat at your table, and you’ll never get to know them.

4. Most of them are out of shape.

That is all.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Well, active duty does.

3. They’re their own storytellers.

Reservists always want you to know they were once on active duty… every single time they see you.

2. Weekend warriors always think they’re tactical.

They buy their own tact gear, but don’t know how to use it — or if they even need it.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
You sure are, pal.

Also Read: 4 things you immediately learn after treating a Taliban fighter

1. You’re not allowed to touch the “reservist stuff” in your own office space. WTF?

They leave their belongings for their next time they train drill work decide show up and you have to sit with it all month long.

Bonus: Some even try to give you notes on how they think you should run your unit.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
#thestruggleisreal

Can you think of any others? Comment below.

Humor

This is how to avoid the dreaded ‘blanket party’ in basic training

Besides getting physically trained to the bone by a demanding drill instructor, recruits in boot camp have another element that is feared and rarely talked about outside of the military — the “blanket party.”


A blanket party is a form of (mob) discipline that usually takes place in a military barracks setting, typically in an open bay.

The image below for “Full Metal Jacket” is a perfect example of a blanket party.

Soap wrapped in a towel is a common tool to use during a blanket party. (Image via Giphy)We don’t condone taking part in blanket parties, but the idea is to coerce a shitty recruit back on the right track. Usually it brings a massive shitstorm of legal problems — no one wants that.

But before you step into the squad bay for the first time and subject yourself to the collective judgement of the team, here are some things to avoid so you’re never in a blanket party’s sights.

Snitching

Recruits go through some tough times during their stay in basic training and alliances tend to form. Recruits always get in trouble in one way or another.

When a single person reports wrongdoing on a group of people or an individual, they might get payback in the form of a blanket party.

For not being a team player

One of the purposes of boot camp is to learn the power of teamwork. Rarely has a single person ever completed a mission by themselves. So when a recruit doesn’t pull his own weight, that can easily screw over the whole team.

If that person continually screws over everyone, that individual might get some unwanted attention after “Taps” gets played.

Being a consistent f*ck up.

In boot camp, when someone in the squad screws up, everyone gets punished. The drill instructors usually punish the whole squad bay for an individual’s mistake to teach the importance of teamwork.

It takes multiple times before someone earns a party, but after making several mistakes that affect everybody — without a glimpse of positive production — recruits tend to take matters into their own hands.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Remember the epic jelly donut scene? Always lock your foot locker people. (Source: WB)

Also Read: 7 military regs service members violate every day

Being the guy that no one likes

Like we said before, alliances tend to develop in boot camp. Most of the time they form around where your bunks are located. Getting along with others is essential in any industry. In the military, troops have commonly sacrificed their lives to save their brothers. You rarely commit your life to someone you don’t respect.

So in a world where recruits are trained to defend themselves and our country as a team, the guy that can’t make friends tends to suffer.

Again, we can’t stress this enough, We Are The Mighty absolutely does not condone blanket parties…but in the past they have sometimes been a huge “wake-up call” for someone on the receiving end.

Humor

9 military photos that will make you do a double take

As service members, we get the opportunity to travel the world, see some amazing places, and witness some over-the-top events. We love to visually document the areas we visit and the unique people we encounter.


While we’re out seeing the world, some of those photos we snap are so well-timed that we end up creating unique, optical illusions within our compositions.

Related: The 14 funniest memes for the week of Jan. 26

Check out nine military photos that will make you do a double take.

9. A cargo plane looks like it’s about to enjoy a helicopter lunch.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Yum! Yum! (Image from The Indian Express)

8. A fighter pilot mistaking a rooftop for a personal runway?

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Now, we want to see this pilot freakin’ parallel park.

7. This is either the lightest tank to ever hit the battlefield or these are the strongest men in history.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
We hope they used their legs — not their backs — to lift this sucker.

Also Read: 6 times Gunny Hartman was guilty of hazing

6. Some of the tiniest men to ever attempt a swim qualification.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
All were basketball players before joining the service.

5. The three-footed soldier. Nothing makes you more confused than seeing a man squatting down, washing his third foot.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Imagine how long it would take to trim all those toenails. (Image from Weird Optics)

4. We need an ad blocker for this military pop-up.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Oh, wait! Those are real troops marching. We were way off! (Image from Pakistan Defense)

3. A low-flying plane? Or has this sucker already landed? You be the judge.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
This pilot had to have known that there wasn’t a runway here. He’s not going to make it in Top Gun now.

Now Read: 14 images that hilariously portray your first day on a field op

2. Two conjoined, Siamese Blue Angels

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
We bet that separation surgery is going to cost a sh*tton. Just sayin’.

1. One hungry, giant soldier during his feeding time.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
This guy can’t be vegan after this snack.

Articles

7 reasons why you shouldn’t be too nice in the military

Everybody wants to be liked in one way or another — we all want to fit in.


In the military, if you’re not liked by your fellow service members (especially your chain of command), you’re going to have a harder time getting promoted.

If you show respect to everyone, that should help you maneuver your way through a successful military career. But there is a fine line between being too nice and showing others respect.

Okay, we will. (Image via Giphy)

Related: 7 military regs service members violate every day

So check out our list of why you shouldn’t be too nice in the military.

1. Your fellow brothers and sisters will end up venting to you on a daily basis.

If you’re that sweet guy or gal who is nice enough to listen to everybody’s problems — stand by for handing out free therapy sessions.

Best news ever! (Image via Giphy)

2. You just might get put into someone’s friend zone.

You know that hot guy or girl who works down at supply?

Because you haven’t shown signs of having a backbone — instead of going out with them on Saturday night — you’re going to be watching them leave the barracks with your co-worker who has a backbone.

They’re not coming back anytime soon. (Image via Giphy)

3. People will ask for favors — a lot of favors.

You know how you’re bad at saying no because you’re too nice?  Well, have fun standing somebody else’s duty Saturday night while they’re off having an excellent time at the bar.

FML. (Image via Giphy)

4. If you get even a little upset, everyone will think the “nice guy” is going crazy.

You listen to everyone’s problems 24/7, but when you decide to emote at all — everyone now thinks you’re the crazy one.

It’s okay for everyone else, but just not the nice guy or gal. (Image via Giphy)

5. You could get pushed to the side.

People have crazy schedules this day and age. So when they need to make space in their lives for something important, they might reschedule a meeting with you — the accommodating one — to make room.

Son-of-a-b*tch! (Image via Giphy)

6. Your chain of command could assign you extra duty.

Many times a bad assignment will come down the pipeline, and your chain of command needs to assign someone to work an outside event. If you’re that person who rarely gives anyone sh*t, you may be the one they ask to come on in on Saturday because you never say no.

Yeah. So, we’re going to need you to come in on Saturday. (Image via Giphy)

Also Read: 7 ways to prove your spouse a spy

7. People ask you for help all the freakin’ time.

That is all.

Being too nice can be painful. (Image via Giphy)Can you think of any others? Comment below.

Humor

7 reasons why you’d want ‘Pvt. Pyle’ in your infantry squad

Joker, Cowboy, and Animal Mother are just some of the iconic characters in Stanley Kubrick’s “Full Metal Jacket” that audiences hoped would survive as they maneuvered their way through the dangerous battlegrounds of the Vietnam War.


One character no member of the audience gave a sh*t about, though, was Leonard Lawrence a.k.a. Pvt. Pyle because he was slow, overweight, and ended up murdering his D.I. and blowing his brains out while sitting on a toilet.

Let’s pretend that the murder-suicide never took place and Private Pyle actually went out to the fleet.

Related: 7 life lessons we learned from watching ‘Full Metal Jacket’

Check out these reasons why it would be a solid idea to have Pvt. Pyle assigned your infantry squad:

1. He’d be great to have during morning PT…if you’re hungover

Formation runs only go as fast as the slowest man. Since Pvt. Pyle was no marathon runner, the multi-mile runs would be at a pretty slow pace.

Monday morning PT would be a breeze. (Image via Giphy)

2. Everyone would look sh*t hot compared to him

He’s a f*ck up, so having him around would make everyone else look like rock stars.

Look at his silly smile. (Image via Giphy)

3. He’s actually a good shot

Even the drill instructor said so.

Having accurate trigger pullers on the battlefield is a huge advantage.

Foreshadowing. (Image via Giphy)

4. You would always have someone you can trick into standing your duty

Who could we get to stand fire-watch around the barracks on Christmas Day? Answer: Pvt. Pyle.

I wonder what he was thinking. (Image via Giphy)

5. He’d always have good snacks on deployment

If he can sneak a jelly donut into the squad bay, we’re sure he’d be able to get much more than that through customs.

To be fair, jelly donuts are delicious. (Image via Giphy)

6. You wouldn’t be the last one to finish anything

Pyle would be the last if he even finished anything he started.

You would literally never finish last. (Image via Giphy)

Also Read: A Marine explains why people love the film ‘Full Metal Jacket’ so much

7. You’d watch him and learn from his mistakes

His form is way off.

That obstacle isn’t easy for anyone. (Image via Giphy)Can you think of any others? Comment below.

Articles

5 awful military haircuts that would fail inspection

Service members are held to a pretty high standard when it comes to grooming practices. The military requires that work uniforms look as neat as possible, men’s faces need to be clean shaven, and haircuts fall with in regulation.


Staying within these standards can be difficult, especially if you’re deployed. But for many, it’s just a matter of heading to the local base and getting a $12 haircut at the PX or NEX. The cut may not turn out celebrity style perfect, but you will be within regs.

Grooming standards vary amongst the branches, but at least one aspect remains the same — the hairline needs to be tapered. A fellow troop’s haircut is one of the first things veterans and service members notice.

Check out our list of military haircuts that would fail inspection:

1. War Daddy

In David Ayer 2014’s war movie “Fury,” Brad Pitt plays a hard-charging tank commander with a pretty awesome hair cut. But we can’t imagine how the Army managed to get a talented hair stylist out on the German front lines to keep his hair perfectly gelled.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
We guess everyone in the 1940s cut their hair like Macklemore. (Source: Sony/Screenshot)

2. American Sniper

The story of legendary Navy SEAL sniper Chris Kyle hit the big screen in 2014 directed by the iconic Clint Eastwood. With all the excellent production value the film had one aspect was over looked — this Marine’s sideburns.

We could mention he also needs to shave, but that’s not what this article is about — maybe next time.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
We bet he just asked the barber to take a little bit off the top before attending his big brother’s wedding. (Source: WB/Screenshot)

3. Broken Arrow

Christian Slater plays Riley Hale, a military stealth pilot who needs to track down a war head, defeat the villains, and locate a pair of Osters.

We know it makes you sad to trim around the ears, but you know what else is sad? Terrorism. Now go shave.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
This haircut is so freakin’ bad; he’s pointing out exactly what’s wrong with it. (Source: Fox/ Screenshot/YouTube)

4. Full Metal Jacket

Although this Stanley Kubrick film is epic on multiple levels, it’s a hard fact to swallow that these Marines stationed on a large military base in Vietnam can’t find a pair of hair clippers. We’re just saying.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Joker (in the middle) looks depressed as he waits on the base barber to show the f*ck up. (Source: WB/Screenshot)


5. Jarhead 3: The Siege

The Jarhead franchise just won’t stop making bad movies. Not only does the corporal standing on the left need a quick touch up, but he may want to consider switching out his 8-point cover before the sergeant major rips him a brand new a**hole.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Maybe they bought the cover at an airsoft store? (Source: Universal/ Screenshot)

Bonus: Basic

John Travolta plays DEA investigator Tom Hardy (not that Tom Hardy) in 2003’s “Basic.” Although the character isn’t on active duty, his backstory in the film states he’s a former soldier. So before he goes out on a mission to locate a rogue soldier, we think he should clean it up around his ears.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
That look you give to your hair stylist after to see your reflection in the mirror for the first time. (Source: Fox/YouTube/Screenshot)

Can you think of any others? Comment below.

Humor

The 13 funniest memes for the week of Nov. 3

What happened this week in the military? No. Really. What happened??


Bergdahl will walk free. The actual Green Berets are trying stop green berets from being issued to other soldiers. A judge halted the President’s ban on transgender soldiers. These are incredibly polarizing issues for the U.S. military and its veterans.

You know what isn’t polarizing? Memes.

And here are the dankest memes from the veteran world this week.

1. Betsy Ross is playing with fire.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
#triggered

2. Trim those sideburns, soldier. (via People of the PX)

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
AAFES: When you need a haircut, a pizza, and a TV in a 20 minutes.

3. But he’s paying 26% interest on that Nissan. (via Awesome Sh*t My Drill Sergeant Said)

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
I suddenly can’t live without something I didn’t know existed.

Now Read: The 7 best military stories from the days of Unsolved Mysteries 

4. Charlie Sheen has a Google Alert for this.  (via Decelerate Your Life)

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant

5. Gear adrift is a gift.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Filthy little Hobbitses are such geardos.

6. Every one thinks they’re a foreign policy expert.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant

Check out: This is the only living African-American from WWII to earn the Medal of Honor

7. Veterans know leadership. (via U.S. Army WTF Moments)

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Must promote.

8. In the Army, Forrest Gump is considered a genius.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
My DD-214 and I are like peas and carrots.

9. “Welcome to Fort Bragg”

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
But they threw in the undercoating for free.

10. A good king leads his troops from the front.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
As real as Air Force leadership gets.

11. Crew chiefs get their name on the plane for a reason.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Oh, I understood that reference!

12. Now we both have a machine gun. Ho Ho Ho. (via the Salty Soldier)

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant

Now Read: 8 useless pieces of gear the military still issues out

13. Getting that first job after separating is tough.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Also, records management.

Humor

The 13 funniest military memes for the week of Oct. 13

Another week down. Everything in the news is still terrible.


The White House is imploding. Hollywood is imploding. There’s a Friday the 13th in October.

But you know what you can count on?

Memes. And we have the best military memes around.

1. Nobody wants to work on weekends. Or ever. (via Pop Smoke)

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
You can also apply this to any girlfriend I’ve ever had.

2. If you thought the news from Hollywood was bad…

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
He may not be surprised that we’re still in Afghanistan though.

Read: 6 reasons why it would suck to be a Stormtrooper in Star Wars

3. At least the Army keeps it interesting.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Does this mean they have to bring back DCUs for Iraq and Afghanistan?

4. Blueberries are the new bell bottoms. (via Sh*t My LPO Says)

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
I thought they swabbed decks.

5. Veterans day is coming. You can almost taste the free food.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Vets are getting more aggressive with it every year.

Also: 11 things your platoon medic would never say

6. Grandpa is sick of your bullsh*t. (via Decelerate Your Life)

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Be frightened of old sailors. I am.

7. It’s not just good advice. It’s reality.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant

8. It’s the Navy birthday, but the Coast Guard can still ruin the party.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant

Now: This Desert Storm gun is a favorite for special ops units

9. For some reason Veterans declared war on JROTC last week.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
They’re all gonna get officer ranks for this. If they, you know, survive.

10. If you know how this started, drop us a line.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
That kid doesn’t even have a single merit badge, I bet.

11. It ain’t about the merit badges, it’s about the freshman next to you.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
At least there’s no hot weapons. Because they’re in high school.

12. JROTC is the calm before the storm.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
That’s true bearing and discipline.

13. JROTC: Send us your best responses.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Veterans only respect strength. They better be good.

Bonus: More of the best JROTC Memes. Enjoy your weekend!

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
via Decelerate Your Life

 

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Zapp Brannigan had 30 Merit Badges as a Freshman.

Also Read: 11 regional American foods we’d like to see in MREs

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Operator AF.

 

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
via Awesome Sh*t My Drill Sergeant Said.

Humor

5 things infantrymen love about the ‘woobie’

Though only a select few civilians even know of its existence, the “woobie” is cherished by all Marine and Army infantrymen, enlisted/commissioned, from Vietnam to the present.


Related video:

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There are two kinds of infantry: Those who gladly pay the embarrassingly undervalued $42.95 reimbursement fee to TMO so they can keep their precious, and those who live with shame and regret for the rest of their days.

This is for the rest of you, not yet acquainted with absolute benevolence.

Related: 5 ways Marines are like ancient Spartans

5. The woobie maintains perfect homeostasis

From the frigid mountains of Afghanistan to the jungles of Vietnam, the U.S. infantry fight our country’s battles in the air, on land, and at sea, but not without that one piece of military-issued comfort: the woobie.

She keeps you warm when it’s cold out, and cool in the hot summer — we freakin’ love that.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
For casual comfort!

4. It can conceal you while you sleep

Originally olive drab, the woobie has evolved into some of the best camouflage around for the infantry warrior. The woobie is currently sporting digital camouflage, appropriate to whichever branch it honorably serves.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Sleep tight, buddy.

3. It dries quickly when wet

Not everyone knows how truly miserable it is being wet for long stretches of time, but all infantrymen do. Google the term “trench foot” and you’ll quickly see that there’s nothing good about staying wet.

The woobie dries fast, and all infantry grunts praise her for it.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
Air dry!

2. Don’t forget, it provides shelter when there is none

No shelter? No problem. If you have two packs and two poncho liners, you’re good to go. In fact, the more infantrymen, the more elaborate the structure you can construct by tieing them together. The woobie comes equipped with lashings on each corner and the sides, allowing for creative architecture.

Remember when you were a kid and blanket forts were a thing? It’s the same in the military, except with full-grown men and their arsenal huddled inside.

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
A home away from home.

Also Read: The 7 best things about Air Force bases, according to a Marine

1. Plus, it’s green!

And not just the color green, though it usually is. The original woobies were fielded by special forces in 1962, and around 1963, the second generation of woobie was created utilizing WWII duck-hunter-patterned parachute fabric. The fabric entrusted with soldiers’ lives was recycled, reshaped, and repurposed to continue its contributions to a more substantial demographic.

The woobie is a staple of any infantryman’s loadout, and though it may follow the poncho on gear lists, the woobie follows nothing in infantrymen’s hearts. Warriors unite over its capabilities, and we honor woobie for all that it does.

Articles

7 ‘Carls’ that every unit has to deal with

D-mnit Carl!


Everyone hates “Carl.” He’s that guy who won’t shut up during operations, or pushes buttons just to figure out what they do, or sometimes is just too eager to do stupid crap.

Unfortunately for everyone else, every unit has some version of Carl. Here are seven types that everyone runs into sooner or later:

1. The Carl who messes up a perfect thing

Oh, that Carl. Everyone is doing the right thing and nailing it, except for him. For instance, a daring commando raid in March 1941 landed in German-occupied Norway and managed to take prisoners, recruit new fighters, and damage infrastructure with only a single injury. That injury came from a man accidentally shooting himself in the thigh with a revolver. If his name wasn’t Carl, it should’ve been.

2. The Carl who always wants to screw around

 

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant

(Meme via Pop smoke)

Everyone else is mission focused, but Carl is over there talking about fishing. Or wearing a funny prop. Or maybe even doing an accent while wearing a fake mustache. It would be hilarious back in the barracks. But since the squad is four steps away from a closed door and the fatal funnel, everyone really wishes he would focus up.

3. The Carl who won’t stop talking

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
(Meme via Decelerate Your Life)

Maybe it’s nerves, or maybe he was raised by overattentive parents, but this guy seems to think every moment is made better with his singing, sound effects, or commentary. Sure, some of his one-liners are pretty great, but it would seriously be better if he shut the f-ck up. For once.

4. The Carl who can’t get anything right

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant

(Meme via God D-mmit Carl)

The whole unit can go through four briefings and dozens of rehearsals, but it’s pretty much guaranteed that when push comes to shove, Spc. Carl is going to hit the trigger while trying to engage the safety.

5. The Carl who randomly plays with dangerous equipment

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant
(Meme via Damnit, Carl)

Of course, that’s why he shouldn’t be touching anything dangerous. Unfortunately, this is the military and keeping Pfc. Carl safe near an armory is like trying to keep “that” uncle sober during a distillery tour. You’re going to fail, someone is getting burned, and the locals aren’t going to want to see you again.

6. The Carl who is an expert in everything but his job

This Carl is at least moderately useful. They could be an expert in physical fitness or maybe they’re a “good” barracks lawyer (actually knows more than 25 percent of the regulations they try to quote!). But still, they know jack and/or crap about their actual job. Need someone to actually purify some water? Don’t ask Carl, he’ll reach for the hand sanitizer and eye drops.

7. The Carl who always has somewhere to be (usually the smoke pit)

5 reasons Deadpool would make an amazing platoon sergeant

(Meme via Shut Up, Carl)

Call for an extra mag or grenade during combat and you’ll understand why this Carl is the worst. You reach back for some extra firepower only to hear from one of the Joes that Carl is actually in the Humvee checking his Facebook messages or in the smoke pit puffing on a clove cigarette (yeah, he’s that guy). Hope you can still achieve fire superiority.

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