We’ve all had that moment — attempting to describe something to a non-military friend. And as you hear yourself explaining it you realize it makes zero sense. Sigh. Welcome to military life, civilian acquaintance. No matter how many times you try to explain it, it doesn’t seem to get any easier, either.
Take a look at these totally relatable moments as to how it feels to explain the suck, decode acronyms, and essentially translate an entire language to someone who’s not in the know.
Former Secretary of Defense, retired general, and Patron Saint of Chaos James Mattis has announced that he will be publishing an autobiography called Call Sign Chaos: Learning to Lead. It’s said to cover him coming to terms with leadership learned throughout his military career starting from his days as a young Marine lieutenant to four-star general in charge of CENTCOM.
I don’t know about you guys, but I’m freaking pumped. Yes, I’d love to know the nitty-gritty of commanding a quarter million troops, but I want to know about his lesser-known butter bar years leading a weapons platoon. Because let’s be honest, that’s where the seeds of his leadership style really grew.
He probably made mistakes and got chewed out for it. He slipped up and got mocked by the lower enlisted. He would have had to ask for advice and eventually grow into one of the smartest minds Uncle Sam has seen in a long time. Even the Warrior Monk himself may have been that nosy LT who needed to be whipped into shape by the platoon sergeant, and that’s kind of motivating in its own way. Yeah, you may f*ck up once in a while, but not even Chaos Actual was a born leader. He had to learn it.
Just think. There’s an old salty devil dog out there somewhere who’s responsible for knife-handing the boot-tenant out of Mattis. And he’s the real hero of this story.
While we wait for the one book that will actually get Jarheads to read for fun on June 16th, here’s some memes.
(Meme via Army as F*ck)
(Meme via Team Non-Rec)
(Meme via Not CID)
(Meme via SFC Majestic)
(Meme via Broken and Unreadable)
(Meme via Disgruntled Decks)
Fun fact: The Department of Energy renamed natural gas “freedom gas” in a memo. You know what that means, boys…
Serving as President of the United States is no easy task. But, with all due respect, it still leaves you at the mercy of the rest of the population to turn you into memes. It’s almost our duty as constituents. Join us as we poke fun — gently — at our commanders in chief and their most recognizable qualities.
This perfect Harry Potter reference
Don’t worry, Joe, NOT SLYTHERIN.
2. Because even presidents tell lame jokes
That still make us LOL
3. When photoshop makes Karen jokes even more hilarious
I’m calling it now. This weekend will be one of the quietest weekends in recent history. Why? It has nothing to do with 2nd MARDIV’s insane level of micromanaging and everything to do with how lower enlisted troops think.
For starters, it’s a non-pay day weekend for the second time in a row. Less shenanigans when everyone is broke as Hell. Secondly, NCOs will know exactly where everyone is located at any given moment. Friday night? They’re all out seeing Avengers Endgame. Saturday afternoon? In the barracks playing the new Mortal Kombat game. Saturday night? Probably seeing Avengers again. Sunday? Too hungover (I said quiet, not uneventful) and Sunday night will be Game of Thrones.
If you’re an NCO trying to find a good reason to cheer up your sergeant major, pointing out the lack of blotter reports on their desk will surely help.
Here’s to a quiet, entertainment filled weekend. Enjoy some memes.
(Meme via Coast Guard Memes)
(Meme via Not CID)
(Meme via Lock Load)
(Meme via Call for Fire)
(Meme via Smokepit Fairytales)
(Meme by Devil Dog Actual)
(Meme via Valhalla Wear)
(Meme via Private News Network)
(Meme via Decelerate Your Life)
(Meme via Air Force Nation Humor)
(Meme via Air Force amn/nco/snco)
(Meme by Ranger Up)
My ass is firmly in the “why leave a perfectly good aircraft” category.
Call me a leg, but at least we use Air Assault these days.
You’ve done the crafts, you’ve read the entire internet and you’ve finished Netflix. All there’s left to do is cry, eat and laugh. We’ll help you out with the last one. Hope you and yours are staying safe, healthy and somewhat sane.
These are your top 50 memes and tweets for the week of April 20:
1. Everything is fine
At least he’s maintaining social distancing.
2. The word of the mom
3. Conference calls
Zoom backgrounds make it better.
4. Laughter IS the best medicine
Oh Dad. So smart.
5. Happy little tree
I want peopleeeeeee.
6. Atta boy
Nothing to see here, nothing to see.
7. True transformation
I’m not proud of how hard I laughed at that one!!
8. The boombox
We’ve trained our whole life for this.
9. So loud
What are you eating, BONES?
10. M.J. knew
Now if we could just heal the world…
11. More vodka, please!
These are good life skills.
12. Reality tv
No wonder my kids like to watch other kids playing with toys on YouTube. We do the same thing with HGTV.
13. No pants
I can’t imagine having to wear shoes to a meeting again…
14. Hand washing
So many temptations to touch your face.
15. Catch me outside
How bout dat?
16. Shady pines
Might have to binge watch Golden Girls.
17. So much truth
If you having tortilla chips for breakfast means I don’t have to cook…
18. Iguana private office
Something about you getting on the phone screams, “COME TALK TO ME.”
19. SPF 15
At least you’re getting your vitamin D.
20. Dreams do come true
You bought it “for the pandemic.”
21. Pro tip
It’s like working out, but easier.
The sun is not impressed.
Every parent ever.
The sweatshirt is a nice touch. I bet her Barbie dream house is covered in crafts and regret.
25. Jax beach
26. What happens in Vegas…
Quarantine needs to stay in April 2020.
27. SO much truth
And most of them look tired.
28. Pajama shorts
Trick question. You don’t have to wear pants.
29. Good PR
Mmm ice cream.
30. Singing in the rain
31. Sick car
Taped together and barely holding on — a working title of everyone’s 2020 memoir.
32. Get it girl
No but seriously, why did I eat all my snacks?
33. Dun-dun. Dun-dun. Dun-dun.
To be fair, everyone didn’t die.
34. Lightning speed
Well played, fastest man in the world.
35. All by myself
We feel you, Ernie.
The isolation has turned to boredom.
We heard there’s a DUI checkpoint in the hallway though, so be careful.
38. Last nerves
Every. Little. Thing.
39. Grooming at home
All of our DIY haircuts and grooming.
40. Apologies, ya’ll
Lots of self-awareness happening.
It does, Kermie. It does.
42. Mind over matter
Beware my special powers.
43. Dogs know the truth
Stop judging me.
44. You can’t have both
This is why we can’t have nice days.
Deep thoughts by Dad.
46. Zoom stand in
I think people would pay for this.
47. You did it!
At least you didn’t quit.
48. Pinky promise
Just boxed wine. Not the ‘rona.
49. You know that’s right
Maybe you’ll get a “spa day” in the bathroom by yourself.
The government shutdown has been going on for well over a month now and the Coast Guard is still going without pay. My heart honestly burns for each and everyone one of those affected by the shutdown, but there’s one group of Coasties feeling it the worst: the Coast Guard recruiters.
I mean, think about it. It sucks to show up and still have to guard the coasts. Yet, they can continue their mission with a sour look on their face and abundant worries about paying rent. The recruiters? Yeah. I’m damn sure no one made their quota this month. Good luck getting anyone into the door when you can’t even promise them a steady paycheck.
Anyways, just like the Coasties working Lyft after duty, the meme train keeps on rolling.
Recently, a Marine was kicked out of a wedding for wearing his Dress Blues instead of a regular suit and tie. According to the post on Reddit, he was polite and gentlemanly but was asked to leave because he didn’t follow the dress code and the bride felt he was taking the spotlight away from the marriage.
There’s still a lot of other variables that aren’t really known that could really determine who’s the a**hole in this situation. If he was pulling a “you’re welcome for my service” routine, totally justified. If he didn’t have any other suit and tie, he could have probably explained that. If he was flexing his bare pizza box and two ribbons, he’s a douche. Since he was a friend of the groom, did he ask first? So on and so forth.
I’m personally of the mindset that he didn’t follow the uniform of the day and weddings are one of those things where you just nod and agree with the bride. But that’s ultimately pointless since this wedding has no bearing on my life.
Anyways. Since we in the U.S. aren’t subject to the EU’s Article 13 ruling on copyright material and the gray area it puts on sharing memes – have some memes!
It seems like everyone is doing that dumb “ten year’s difference” thing on Facebook. Personally, I think this is just depressing for the military community no matter how you slice it.
Either you’re a young troop who’s now reminded of how goofy they looked as a civilian, you’re a senior enlisted/officer who’s now reminded of how much of a dumb boot they once were, or you’re a veteran who’s being reminded of how in shape you once were ten years ago.
If you’re an older vet who’s been out for longer than ten years, well, you’re probably the same salty person in the photo, and no one could tell the difference or that you aged. Maybe a bit more gray and less hair.
Anyways. The Coast Guard hasn’t been paid, but at least these memes are free!
Celebrated each year on March 17, St. Patrick’s Day is a cultural and religious holiday in Ireland, and much of North and South America, as well as in Australia and New Zealand. It’s named for Saint Patrick himself, who passed away on the day’s annual holiday. St. Patrick was a patron saint in Ireland. In his honor, a feast day was made by the Catholic Church to celebrate Christianity coming to Ireland.
Today, it’s both a religious and secular celebration, often consisting of green clothing, ample alcohol, and traditional Irish meals, such as corned beef and cabbage. Historically, lent restrictions on drinking and eating were lifted for the high holiday, which eventually led to excessive eating and drinking being common on St. Patrick’s Day.
Take a look at these spot-on memes that describe what it’s like to celebrate in the military. No matter your branch or affiliation, you’re likely to see just how close these memes hit home.
When you wear green every day
No pinching here.
But this awesome prank takes it a step further
And it’s a good excuse to have a drink with Uncle Sam
This common statement that may or may not be true
Cheers round two!
Inspo for your care package
Hope they like green apple flavor.
When the traditions are out of regs
This would never fly in the U.S.
PT the next morning?
When the civilians start getting rowdy
Sit back and observe the rest of the population.
But don’t forget your DD
What’s your favorite way to celebrate St. Patty’s in the military? Drop us a list below — cheers!
Aside from the Air Force, the Coast Guard might be the most underrated military branch there is. Somehow, they manage to block out the haters and keep on laughing– mostly at themselves. From protecting our waters to commandeering drug smuggling turtles, enjoy these hilarious Coast Guard memes about the guardians of our shores.
1. Watching the coast…closely.
Expect the unexpected. When the coast starts acting up, you’ll be ready.
2. Life isn’t fair
It’s not a competition. It’s not a competition.
3. Whoever said Coast Guard guys are cute…
Was 100% right. Where do I sign up?
4. If you like it then you should’ve put on a ring on it.
There are worse lives to lead.
5. Combat training
You laugh now, but when the orcas attack, who are you gonna call?
6. On the high seas…
Don’t enlist if you don’t like being damp. All the time.
7. Superiority complex much?
Those chicken sandwiches are hard to top.
8. Reality check
At least they clean up the coast?
9. We’re the oldest
Let’s give them this one thing. Just this one.
10. True champions are in a league of their own.
Lapdog not included.
11. We have to hand it to them
Not gonna lie, this would definitely upgrade their image.
12. It’s not easy
Who’s laughing now, Joe?
13. Just checking!
Well, have you?
14. We’re there for you Navy
Waves? What waves?
15. Before and after Pearl Harbor
We’ve seen some things.
16. Budget cuts be like
Frustration is the recipe for innovation, right? Or stupidity. Not sure which.
17. Thanks, Chili’s!
It’s tough being a floating billboard.
18. Why…just why?
It was such a good role, too.
19. Salvation who, now?
They’re just trying to keep you down, Louis. Don’t listen to them.
Trying to plan anything in the military is like, well, trying to plan something in the military. It’s a constant game of “Will this actually happen?” “What will change?” And the inevitable, “Will everything adhere to the basic rules of common sense?” It’s a real gamble, and anyone who has planned a military event knows just what we’re talking about. It might even feel impossible to accomplish anything, and we feel this feedback deep into our souls.
Some comparable examples include: cleaning your house with wild toddlers running amuck, eating a browning while brushing your teeth, and literally treading on thin ice. Because, kind of like planning in the military, you never know when the bottom is going to fall out from under you.
But we digress. Without planning, nothing would get accomplished, and therefore, we’ve got to start somewhere! Take a look at these all-to-relatable memes that outline planning a military event.
Here’s a solid visual:
Please wash your hands.
2. Doing high-level math to mark your calendar:
Get the big calculator out.
3. This accurate representation of planning
They nailed it. Best of luck.
4. Meanwhile, getting the high-ups on board and ensuring you’re following the rules:
Hope someone is keeping track.
5. Or when you’re totally on it and suddenly get ghosted
6. Or when you got volentold and didn’t want to make the plans at all
Pshhhh if I have to.
7. Then when everyone cancels last minute
Oh come on, nerds.
8. When someone schedules a meeting to discuss the plans
Couldn’t this have been an email??
9. When the feedback comes in
Say what you mean and mean what you say, folks.
Planning an event in the military might be its own kind of crazy, but it’s the best way to get things done. What are your best and worst horror stories from trying to work something into your crazy schedule?
In every branch, on every base, and in every possible unit is a communications (commo) guy. Sometimes, you get a commo guy who runs-and-guns alongside the combat arms guys. Other times, you get the guys who can talk for hours on the backstories of every comic book character ever made. Occasionally, these two guys are one in the same.
We tend to stick to ourselves and hide away in the S-6 (our commo shop) until we can no longer use “commo work” as an excuse to miss bullsh*t duties. In case you never got the chance to talk to us, here’s a basic rundown of what happens in our commo shops.
There’s the computer side and radio side. There’s no bad blood between us because we stick together despite our differences and we both are masters at shamming/skating.
10. The radio guys have a single job.
That job is to make sure a hunk-of-junk radio, not even worth its weight in scrap metal, doesn’t mess up. Spoiler alert: Everything will go great until the moment you need it to not be a hunk of junk.
9. Commo gets called in for every computer problem.
But nearly every problem we run into can be solved with simply asking, “But have you tried turning it off and back on again?” This buys us enough time to Google the real solution.
8. No one really knows what we do.
And then we need to explain to superiors that our MOS is vital to combat readiness.
7. COMSEC (Communications Security) is a pain in the ass.
Once we pick up rank, we get pain-in-the-ass duties. The worst is being COMSEC custodian. It isn’t the enormous pile of paperwork or dealing with the fallout of an idiot ‘zeroizing’ (wiping completely clean) stuff they shouldn’t.
It’s opening this goddamn safe without it giving you a goddamn lightning-bolt error.
6. There’s literally nothing on a retrans missions.
…also known as spending days on top of a hill, being the middleman between two radios so they can connect to each other over long distances to the point that you lose your goddamn mind.
With nothing to do but radio checks for days at a time. Just you. The radio. And maybe one or two other commo guys.
5. Our jokes never die.
Older commo vets will be glad to know that their jokes are still spread throughout the commo world.
4. Improper radio etiquette is more cringe-inducing than listening to people chew with their mouths open.
One of the first things troops learn in Basic/Boot Camp is the phonetic alphabet. It’s made for this very specific reason.
3. Nothing unnerves us like messy cables.
About 90 percent of the computer-based commo world does is browse subreddits about perfectly laid-out cables in server rooms. We are in awe.
2. Best moment to be a commo? When it’s time to get rid of sensitive information, CDs, and hard drives in a destructive manner.
Also known as, “those moments you really get to zeroize something.”
1. And they say Commo guys are POGs…
“You can talk about us, but you can’t talk without us!” said every commo ever.