Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film - We Are The Mighty
MIGHTY MOVIES

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film

Every Christmas, we watch a handful of films that are just so iconic to Americana that, no matter how many times they get played, you’ll watch ’em again next year. One such film is National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Though never overtly stated in the film, it’s pretty clear that Chevy Chase’s character, Clark Griswold, is a former sailor in the U.S. Navy. Every action he takes falls perfectly in line with how 90% of veterans are in real life.


We get a clue into Clark’s service when crazy Aunt Bethany arrives for Christmas Eve dinner. She’s senile and has a tendency to ask questions that haven’t been relevant for years. She asks Ellen if she’s still dating Clark, but they’ve been married and have two teenage kids. Perhaps more importantly, she asks Clark’s son, Rusty, if he’s still in the Navy.

This doesn’t make sense — Rusty’s still a kid. But earlier in the film, when Clark’s stuck in the attic, he not only walks by a military tough-box labelled, “Griswold,” he also watches some old family videos featuring crazy Aunt Bethany giving cookies to what appears to be a younger “Sparky” Clark, in uniform.

 

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film
She’s old and probably mixed up the names. (Film by Warner Brothers: National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation)

He’s a perfectionist, even if he procrastinates.

Clark’s central goal throughout the entire National Lampoon’s Vacation franchise is to give his family the best vacation ever. In Christmas Vacation, it’s all about having the most festive time. But, just like a veteran, he overdoes everything at the expense of his sanity and safety.

Unlike everyone else in the neighborhood, the Griswolds don’t have their houses decorated well in advance of the holidays — Clark begins decorating the house on Dec. 15. He makes up for his lost time by checking every bulb (twice) and manages to hook up  25,000 “twinkling little” lights in just one day. When it doesn’t go right, he manages to set it all up and get it right the next day.

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film
Rerouting the entirety of Chicago’s power grid? All in a day’s work for a veteran. (Film by Warner Brothers: National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation)

His family is both overly patriotic and crazy in their own right.

Military families almost always have two things in common: they’re dysfunctional and very patriotic. They’re crazy, but they’re our families, so we make due. Every scene in the film is full of moments that military families can relate to.

During breakfast, both Clark’s and Ellen’s fathers argue over who had worse rations in the background, so we can assume they’re also veterans. Later on, during Christmas dinner, the family begins saying grace, but it eventually diverts into the Pledge of Allegiance. When the sewer blows up and the plastic Santa goes flying, they just give in and sing the Star-Spangled Banner.

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film
Only a veteran would be as calm as Clark was with this scene. (Film by Warner Brothers: National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation)

When he snaps…

Rounding out how Chevy Chase perfectly captures the spirit of a veteran is, of course, the famous rant. Only a veteran can be this creative with off-the-cuff insults.

Warning: This video contains NFSW language. (Movieclips | YouTube)

What do you guys think? Let us know in the comment section.

Articles

That time Americans demanded the Coast Guard rescue the cast of Gilligan’s Island

One day in 1964, TV producer Sherwood Schwartz received a strange message – from the U.S. Coast Guard. And that wasn’t the only message. Schwartz received a series of telegram forwards from the Coast Guard. He had just launched a new show on CBS about seven castaways stranded on a desert island…and Americans were demanding that the Coast Guard mount a rescue.


In a paper for the Center for Media Literacy, William F. Fore wrote that Schwartz was “mystified” by the telegrams. Concerned and delusional viewers were angry that the Coast Guard couldn’t spare one ship to send for those people.
“For several weeks, now, we have seen American citizens stranded on some Pacific island,” one viewer wrote to the Coast Guard. “We spend millions in foreign aid. Why not send one U.S. destroyer to rescue those poor people before they starve to death?”

Part of what was mystifying to the producer was the existence of a laugh track on the show.

“Who did they think was laughing at the survivors of the wreck of the U.S.S. Minnow?” Schwartz told Entertainment Weekly. “It boggled my mind. Where did they think the music came from, and the commercials?”

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film
Why does the Navy not teach building cars in survival school?

In his book “Inside Gilligan’s Island,” Schwartz recalled discovering the telegrams for the first time. When the show was only ten weeks old, Schwartz received a call from a Commander Doyle of the U.S. Coast Guard. Having spent time in the Army as a Corporal, Schwartz was still impressed by rank, and took the call.

Doyle told Schwartz he would tell him the important message over the phone, but he wasn’t sure the Hollywood producer would believe him. So a few days later, Doyle was in Schwartz’ office, presenting the producer with a number of envelopes containing messages, like the one above, demanding to rescue the Minnow.

The telegrams he received from Doyle stayed with Schwartz his whole life. He noted that there is a subset of people watching who believe everything they see.

“It seems to me a great opportunity for producers to accentuate the positive in those viewers,” Schwartz wrote, “Instead of inspiring the negative.”

MIGHTY MOVIES

Why Rob Riggle is the best part of any NFL show

There’s no better way to do sports analysis than by covering the league like a fan. And if that’s actually true, then there’s no better NFL analyst than comedian and Marine Corps veteran Rob Riggle.


Every week, Riggle does a sketch comedy segment as part of Fox Sports’ NFL Sunday, where he competes with Fox Sports’ Curt Menefee, Terry Bradshaw, Howie Long, Michael Strahan, Jimmy Johnson, and Jay Glazer in picking their favorite teams to win that week. Unlike his Fox Sports colleagues, Riggle isn’t a sportcaster, former professional player, coach, or insider.

He’s a fan – but offers a lot more than sports knowledge.

He doesn’t hide his bias

Like any true NFL fan, Riggle remains fiercely loyal to his team. You won’t ever catch him in a jersey that doesn’t belong to a Kansas City Chiefs player. He joins Brad Pitt, David Koechner, Paul Rudd, and Jason Sudeikis in KC fandom and never picks against them.

He doesn’t pull punches on the NFL

The video above isn’t one of Riggle’s Picks, but rather from when he was chosen to open the 2018 NFL Honors Ceremony before Super Bowl LII. He used it as an opportunity to roast a room full of millionaires, billionaires, team owners, players, entire teams, host cities, and even fans.

“Hey, 31 arrests this offseason… things are improving!”

Riggle knows America

When you watch Riggle every Sunday in the fall, it becomes obvious that Riggle doesn’t just know football, NFL teams, and their fans, Rob Riggle knows America. Accents, food, pop culture, and news events are all part of each Riggle’s Picks segment. He even merges pop music and musical theater with sports references.

He makes fun of bandwagon fans

Ever meet a Seahawks fan outside of Washington state before 2005? No? Me neither. It’s not hard to figure out who jumped on a bandwagon when a team started to get good. Riggle shows what we all already know about every team’s fan base — and a city’s sports culture.

He’s not afraid of making fun of anything

Old TV, new TV, networks, sports, teams, fans, rivalries, personalities, players, history, politics, and Jay Glazer – they’re all targets for Rob Riggle.

Catch Riggle’s Picks every week in the fall on Fox NFL Sunday, usually about twenty minutes before the NFL games air.

MIGHTY HISTORY

This country music legend made an epic beer run on a riding lawn mower

Before George Jones made it big in country music with his 1959 hit, “White Lightning,” the Hank Williams-obsessed twentysomething was a United States Marine. Six years later, he was recording a song written by the Big Bopper and writing songs that would be sung by Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson and Loretta Lynn.

Jones’ military career was just three years long. Stationed in San Jose, California, he managed to miss the entire Korean War, being discharged in 1953.


Through it all, the legendary singer-songwriter struggled with alcoholism like his daddy before him. Even after he was invited to sing at the Grand Ole Opry in 1956, he was already once divorced, singing at the worst honky tonks in Texas. Throughout the 1960s, Jones was known for showing up drunk to things, be it a show, a recording or a friend’s house in the middle of the night.

In 1967, Jones actually had to be forced into a detox facility to help curb his drinking habit. But nothing could actually stop him if he wanted a drink – and his ability to get a drink if he wanted one was as legendary as his songwriting.

One alcohol-related incident is remembered above all others, and is the subject of many stories, murals, and no fewer than three recreations in modern country music videos.

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His then-wife, Shirley Corley, claims she hid the keys to both cars one night while the couple was living outside of Beaumont, Texas. As far as he might go to get a drink, walking eight miles to get to the closest liquor store was a little too far. Jones, according to his autobiography, “I Live to Tell It All,” looked out the window and saw his salvation.

“There, gleaming in the glow, was that ten-horsepower rotary engine under a seat. A key glistening in the ignition. I imagine the top speed for that old mower was five miles per hour. It might have taken an hour and a half or more for me to get to the liquor store, but get there I did.”

Jones drove the eight miles to Beaumont, Texas, to get his drinks, aboard a riding lawn mower. It was a move he would reference over and over in years to come, including in his own music videos.

He wrestled with his drinking habit – and sometimes drug habits – for most of his career. He managed to clean up for most of the 1980s but finally kicked the booze after a 1999 car accident found he was drunk behind the wheel. According to Jones, it “put the fear of God” in him.

Jones died at age 81 in 2013. His funeral produced more musical tributes than a three-day summer country concert, all for the former Marine who embodied an entire generation of country music.


MIGHTY MOVIES

8 Marvel super heroes that served in the US Army

With three of the four largest names at Timely Comics (which would eventually become Marvel Comics) being U.S. Army veterans, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that many of the biggest names in their story lines center around U.S. Army veterans. Jack Kirby, Stan Lee, and Syd Shores all served in World War II. (The fourth? Joe Simon. And he was in the Coast Guard).


Related: These military veterans created you favorite comic books.

 

Whether they gained their powers through a Super Soldier project, magic, or even just skill — these Marvel super heroes proved to everyone the enduring strength of Army values.

Steve Rogers (Captain America) – World War II

 

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film

In case you didn’t already know, the $12 billion film franchise and the most patriotic hero, Steve Rogers, was in the U.S. Army. Being a frail and weak soldier who still wanted to protect his people, he enrolls in the Super Soldier project. This grants him super strength, healing, and reflexes. He is also a master strategist and Earth’s greatest martial artist.

And if you’ve been reading the headlines and not the actual new comic storyline, no, the real Captain America is not Hydra, nor a Nazi.

Isaiah Bradley (Captain America) – World War II

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film
(Panel via Truth: Red, White & Black #2)

Following the success of the first Captain America, Marvel tried to experiment again with another super soldier serum through an analogy of the real world Tuskegee experiment.

Isaiah Bradley was the only survivor. His powers mimic that of Steve Rogers, but his mind is constantly deteriorating and he became sterile (much like the effects of syphilis).

In the short lived but phenomenally written story “Truth: Red, White & Black” and then “The Crew” Bradley takes on the mantle of Captain America while Rogers was frozen in ice. Through it, the series ends with a man who saved countless lives, saved the world, and is now forgotten to history.

Josiah X “Bradley” (Justice) – Vietnam War

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film
(Panel via The Crew #2)

The apple didn’t fall far from the tree with Isaiah Bradley’s son when the story of “The Crew” shifts. Josiah’s story takes place in the backdrop of the Vietnam War and then ’70s violence in Brooklyn. His powers are still the same of the other Captain Americas, and he’s armed with his father’s shield.

Writer’s Note: Seriously, I can’t recommend Christopher Priest’s work on this series enough. It’s one of the best damned comics I’ve ever read.

Bucky Barnes (Winter Soldier) – World War II

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film
(Screen grab from Captain America: The First Avenger)

Thought killed in the same issue that Captain America joined the Avengers, James Buchanan Barnes was unveiled as the Winter Soldier. The once sidekick to Captain America became a coldblooded assassin and spy. He later regained his humanity and joined his old comrade and friend on the Avengers.

The name “Winter Soldier” is from Thomas Paine’s “The American Crisis” and an organization of Vietnam Veterans against the war. “The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country.”

Nick Fury (The Unseen) – World War II

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film
(Panel via Wolverine: Origins)

From leading his Howling Commandos to become the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D., to transforming into the silent observer of Earth, Nick Fury has done it all without any actual abilities — and with only one eye. He has the Infinity Formula which kept him from aging, but it was with his mind and skill on the battlefield that allowed him to take down nearly every superhero in the Marvel universe.

Nick Fury — in both the main universe and “Ultimate Universe” (where he’s redesigned to look like Samuel L. Jackson) — many of his Howling Commandos, as well as his son Nick Fury Jr., all served in the U.S. Army.

Professor Charles Xavier (Professor X) and Cain Marko (Juggernaut) – Korean War

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film
(Panels from Uncanny X-Men #12)

The story of both Professor X and Juggernaut’s time in the Korean War go hand in hand, with the stepbrothers both serving in the Army during the Korean war.

Charles had earned his Ph.D. in genetics before he was drafted and assigned to the same unit as his brother. When Cain deserted under fire, Charles went to retrieve him. He found himself in an ancient temple and gained magical powers of strength and immortality — making him an unstoppable force.

Charles, of course, has always had mutant powers.

Charles Xavier has been portrayed in the movies by Sir Patrick Stewart. The son of a regimental sergeant major in the British Army who’s unit was present in the Dunkirk evacuation, Stewart cites his father for inspiration for many of his roles on screen and stage.

Eugene ‘Flash’ Thompson (Agent Venom) – Iraq War

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film
(Panel via Amazing Spider-Man #574)

The former bully turned friend of the high school student Peter Parker (Spider-Man) enlisted in the U.S. Army to fight in Iraq where he lost his legs on the battlefield saving his squadmate.

Dealing with depression, alcoholism, and post-traumatic stress, Flash became the new host of the alien Symbiote “Venom.” Mixing the military knowledge of Thompson with the alien abilities of Venom, Agent Venom became one of the newest heroes to Marvel’s line-up in 2008.

I couldn’t tell you what Marvel Studios and Sony Pictures have in mind for Agent Venom after Tom Hardy’s turn as Eddie Brock (Former host of Venom). But I can tell you that I would be 100 percent supportive of Tony Revolori’s depiction taking the oath of enlistment.

Related: 6 superheroes who were also Air Force officers

What other superheroes from the U.S. Army or military do you love? Let us know in the comment section.

*Bonus* Hal Jordan

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film
(Panel via Sub-Mariner Comics #16)

He has no super powers, was only in one issue, and only helped Namor the Submariner fly a plane because he became a pilot for the Army Air Service. The only reason why this one-off character is even remembered is because his looks and military pilot background are the same as another character named Hal Jordan created 10 years later by DC.

MIGHTY MOVIES

The first ‘Star Wars: Episode IX’ teaser trailer just dropped

Billy Dee Williams is back. That’s the first thing you need to know.

Second, John Williams returns to compose and if his songs don’t make your little heart soar then I don’t know what will you soulless monster.

But truly, the most interesting part about the entire piece is the title, which I don’t want to spoil for you. Watch the trailer right here and then we’ll break it down:


Star Wars: Episode IX – Teaser

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Star Wars: Episode IX – Teaser

“We’ve passed on all we know. A thousand generations live in you now. But this is your fight. We’ll always be with you. No one’s ever really gone.”

A few more surprise credits include Mark Hamill’s Luke Skywalker (who, in addition to providing great trailer voiceover, will return, I suspect, as a Force Ghost, which really is canonically what they’re called) and Carrie Fisher’s Leia Organa (via archived footage reportedly from filming The Force Awakens).

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film

OG Force Ghosts from Return of the Jedi.

Since J.J. Abrams’ highly anticipated release of The Force Awakens, it’s been clear that this trilogy is designed to pass the torch to the next generation of characters, including Daisy Ridley’s Rey, John Boyega’s Finn, Oscar Isaac’s Poe Dameron, and of course, (U.S. Marine) Adam Driver’s Kylo Ren. Episode IX will close out the triptych.

According to Disney CEO Bob Iger, this film will also close out the Skywalker saga, prompting the franchise to take a little hiatus.

“We have not announced any specific plans for movies thereafter. There are movies in development, but we have not announced them. We will take a pause, some time, and reset because the Skywalker saga comes to an end with this ninth movie. There will be other Stars Wars movies, but there will be a bit of a hiatus,” Iger told Bloomberg.

Challenges for this film will be to provide a satisfying resolution to a storyline that has spanned 40 years with some of the most beloved characters ever created (and a fan base whose vitriol has the capacity to rival even the military community’s yes I am looking at you in the YouTube comment section of our Mighty Minutes…).

More than that, Episode IX will also have to resolve the battle raging in Kylo Ren, the trilogy’s main antagonist — who also happens to be the son of Leia and Han Solo. That’s a lot to ask of one movie, but no matter what happens, it’ll be fun to watch it play out.

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film

I get the sense that her family background will actually be significant…

(Lucasfilm’s Star Wars: Episode IX)

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film

Should someone tell these guys that Rey is taking on a TIE fighter (variant unknown).

(Lucasfilm’s Star Wars: Episode IX)

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film

The look on Billy Dee Williams’ face when he finally got the call from Disney.

(Lucasfilm’s Star Wars: Episode IX)

Star Wars: Episode IX – The Rise of Skywalker will open on Dec. 20, 2019, and the good tickets will sell out so buy them early and maybe buy some extra to sell on ebay. You’re welcome. And may the Force be with you, obviously.

MIGHTY HISTORY

An Army veterinarian first took down Ebola in the United States

“From a pathology point of view, it’s a fascinating virus,” says Dr. Nancy Jaax, a veterinarian and Army officer. She’s talking about the Ebola virus, a subject she knows a lot about, having prevented it from maybe spreading to the entire United States. “The opportunity to work with such a unique virus was irresistible to me.”


When Jaax came to the United States Army Medical Research Institute of Infectious Diseases in 1979, not much was known about Ebola. They knew it killed 90 percent of those infected, and that was about it. It was a Biosafety Level-4 pathogen: fatal to humans, easily transmittable (maybe even by air), with no effective treatments or vaccines. So when it showed up in a group of monkeys shipped in from the Philippines, it could have been really bad for the Reston, Va. lab where Jaax was working. Luckily, the Army has people like Col. Jaax working for it.

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film

Jaax joined the Army with her husband in the late 70s to pursue her veterinary residency. Right away, her work in veterinary medicine was significant, as she and her team discovered the first diagnosed coronavirus in military working dogs. But dogs getting colds were the least of the Army’s research needs. Jaax wound up at USAMRIID in the veterinary pathology program. A few years into her stint there is when the macaques from the Philippines were found to have Ebola. It was her job to actually look for the virus under the microscope.

When she looked at the tissue sample of the dead monkeys, she actually found they had two highly-lethal contagions: simian hemorrhagic fever, which is not contagious to humans, and Ebola. They had to shut down the facility – except for those exposed to the viruses.

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film

This was also my gut response. But luckily cooler heads prevailed.

The Reston Ebolavirus spread to all the facilities animals, who had to be put down. Unfortunately, it also infected a number of the USAMRIID workers who worked alongside Jaax. When they went to “depopulate” the facility, just under 50 people were found to have contracted the virus. The only thing was, unlike the other strands of Ebola, none of the Reston workers actually got sick or showed symptoms. In fact, their bodies didn’t respond to the virus at all. It came and went.

No one knows why. What they do know (and the reason we can all sleep soundly at night) is that the Army’s quarantine procedures worked as planned. None of the monkeys escaped into an Outbreak-like scenario. There was no worker with a small symptom who was nervous about it but decided to hide it so he could take the Metro to go to his kids birthday party. The virus stayed put, the monkeys were contained, and no one let the virus out of the facility.

That’s why we have procedures.

You can watch the story of Dr. Nancy Jaax and her experience with Ebola on NatGeo’s new miniseries The Hot Zone, a three-night special premiering Memorial Day, May 27th at 9pm on National Geographic.

MIGHTY MOVIES

Move over Keanu, this ‘Wonder Woman’ hero shows mad skillz as a tactical gunslinger

He’s the new Capt. Kirk and won the affection of Diana Prince as the World War I airman and superspy Maj. Steve Trevor in the latest “Wonder Woman” blockbuster. He’s pretty funny and the ladies sure dig him.


And turns out he’s also a hell of a shot.

Chris Pine is the child of a Hollywood family of actors and filmmakers who really broke out onto the silver screen as the young James T. Kirk in 2009’s “Star Trek” prequel. His career has gone ballistic since then, with two more Star Trek movies and a stint as the Tom Clancy hero Jack Ryan.

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film
Chris Pine prepares to wow the crowd with his shooting acumen. (YouTube screen grab from Taran Tactical)

But in what looks like a part of his preparation for “Wonder Woman,” Pine spent some time on the range with legendary 3-gun competitor and tactical trainer to the stars Taran Butler, plinking steel and punching paper like he’d just come off the stealth helo from Abbottabad.

With some ninja help from “Warrior” champ Jessie Graff, Pine double taps his race Glock like he was born to it. We’re particularly impressed with his prowess on the dueling tree with his AR — not an easy feat when you’re calculating sight over bore under time.

We all loved Keanu Reeves’ gunslinging for “John Wick,” and likewise here we’re prepared to dole out some respect to Capt. Kirk for his display of ballistic badassery.

MIGHTY MOVIES

Russia changes Stalin to Hitler in new ‘Hellboy’ film

The 2019 “Hellboy” remake has been panned by critics and declared a flop at the U.S. box office. In Russia, however, it’s provoking very different headlines.

Following its April 11, 2019 release in the country, attention has focused on a scene in which the red chain-smoking half-demon meets Baba-yaga, a haggard witch who has a thing for crawling backward like a spider.

“I recall you tried to raise Stalin’s ghost from a necropolis,” Hellboy tells her in the original English-language version of the film.

But in the Russian version, reference to the Soviet dictator who oversaw the mass execution of his compatriots and sent millions to the gulag has apparently been scrapped. Instead, it’s Adolf Hitler whom Hellboy cites.


The script adjustment was reported on April 16, 2019, by the independent TV channel Dozhd, which compared the film’s original version to the dubbed Russian-language release.

Hellboy (2019 Movie) Official Trailer “Smash Things” – David Harbour, Milla Jovovich, Ian McShane

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Twitter users who saw the film in cinemas noted another curious detail: subtitled versions of the original had the word “Hitler” bleeped out, as well as a single curse-word in a film full of them. The subtitles, however, retained mention of the Nazi leader.

It may not be an isolated case.

According to the Russian film-review site Kinopoisk, MEGOGO Distribution, the company overseeing the “Hellboy” Russian release, has previously changed details in American films.

In the Russian version of the 2017 action thriller “The Hitman’s Bodyguard,” Kinopoisk reported, Gary Oldman’s character is no longer from Belarus, but Bosnia-Herzegovina.

“Hellboy” is also not the first popular comic-book hero whose franchise has had to fall in line with Russian censors.

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film

On Jan. 9, 2019, the Russian comic-book publisher Komilfo said that it had removed an entire chapter from its Russian-language version of “Deadpool Max” because Russia’s consumer-protection agency concluded that it promotes extremism.

“In Russian legal terms even satire can be treated as propaganda,” Komilfo director Mikhail Bogdanov told RFE/RL at the time. “In our country there are certain legal lines that you can’t cross.”

MEGOGO Distribution did not immediately respond to a request for comment on the “Hellboy” release.

This article originally appeared on Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty. Follow @RFERL on Twitter.

MIGHTY MOVIES

7 of the best hand-to-hand fight scenes, ranked

Audiences across the globe love to grab their popcorn, sit down in front of the big screen and watch an intense action film that is so vivid they forget they’re spectators in a narrative story. With all the explosions and epic dialogue film directors pride themselves on recording, taking the story to the next level with a hand-to-hand fight scene just might be what an action-packed movie needs to become legendary.


Although great hand-to-hand fight scenes are complicated to produce, a few films managed to pull the epic close-quarter battles off.

Here are a few that happen to get them right.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhqRjQBxEqo

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Black Mamba vs Cobra Head in ‘Kill Bill: Vol 1’

When moviegoers showed up to the theaters to watch one of Tarantino’s first films, they knew they were going to get clever dialogue and a whole bunch of “f” bombs. Little did they know, two non-martial artists (Uma Thurman and Vivica A. Fox) were about to treat the audience to a badass hand-to-hand fight scene that would get temporarily interrupted by a young girl.

Since both women are warriors, they continued to battle it out, even with a little girl in the house.

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Bringing a knife to a pen fight in ‘The Bourne Identity’

Before this film, Matt Damon wasn’t known for doing many action films, unless you count the third act of Steven Spielberg’s war epic Saving Private Ryan, which he had done four years prior.

However, once Damon stepped in the role of a government spy who had lost his memory, audiences were pleasantly surprised by the Good Will Hunting star as he got down-and-dirty for his dope fight scene.

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Neo vs Agent Smith in ‘The Matrix’

We don’t think we have to setup how f*cking cool this movie is, so we won’t, but whoever the hell thought Keanu Reeves could scrap it out like a Kung Fu master was beyond everyone.

If you thought you could predict that, well, then you’re a liar.

The scenes where Neo took on Agent Smith were over-the-top outstanding and proved that Johnny Utah from Point Break could save the world as the chosen one.

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The hammer beating in ‘Old Boy’

In 2003, Chan-wook Park directed a gritty film about a man who was kidnapped and imprisoned for 15 years before being let go, only to learn that he must find his captor within the next five days.

If you haven’t seen this film, watch it this weekend. You’re missing out. But if you don’t have time, at least watch this single shot fight scene where the protagonist beats the sh*t out of everyone with a hammer.

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Tony Jaa breaks everyone’s bones in ‘The Protector’

The Protector stars Maui Thai legend Tony Jaa, whose character has his childhood elephant stolen from him and he embarks on a violent mission to retrieve his best friend.

This brutal action flick pulls no punches as Jaa honestly kicks the sh*t out of everyone he encounters, especially a room full of bad guys — who he eliminates in a matter of minutes.

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Jackie Chan fights a warehouse full of thugs in ‘Rumble in the Bronx’

If we need to introduce how badass Jackie Chan is, then you need to get out more. The Kung Fu legend has choreographed some of the coolest looking fight scenes ever. His unique personality and fighting ability look like poetry in motion.

In 1995’s Rumble in the Bronx, Chan takes on a warehouse full of New York thugs and uses his environment as a weapon to defeat his troubled aggressors.

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Bruce Lee goes up against Chuck Norris ‘Way of the Dragon’

What else can we say besides legend vs. legend? It’s cinematic hand-to-hand combat at its very best. We’re done talking about it. Watch it for yourself.

Articles

Hollywood’s best and worst fictional US Presidents

Not all presidents have an equal place in history (looking at you, James Buchanan), and not all fictional presidents have an equal place in Hollywood. If you were a great President, you get Daniel Day-Lewis portraying you on screen. If you were a terrible President, Hollywood would rather make up a fake President than make a movie about you.


Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film
Suck it, Buchanan.

There are two criteria for this list. First, this about fictional U.S. Presidents, so even though Daniel Day-Lewis’ Abraham Lincoln was the greatest President to appear on screen ever, he doesn’t qualify. Also, the most consequential aspect of the U.S. Presidency to WATM’s military audience is the President’s role as Commander-In-Chief of the armed forces, so as much as we all loved Kevin Kline’s Dave Kovic’s Bill Mitchell from the 1993 movie “Dave,” America never really faced a crisis in the film.

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film
That sentence only makes sense if you’ve seen the movie. Pre-9/11 America was fun.

BEST

Josiah Bartlet – “The West Wing”

Jed Bartlett was Plato’s ideal philosopher king. Not content to simply make America the best country it can be on the home front, he deploys peacekeeping troops to finally take care of that pesky Israeli-Palestinian Conflict everyone has been talking about. He also confronts terrorists by assassinating their patron, ends a genocide in Africa, and deploys 140,000 troops to Kazakhstan. 140,000? That’s a lot of troops.

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film
President Bartlet apparently learned global military strategy from playing Risk.

Thomas J. Whitmore – “Independence Day”

Despite some early setbacks (like nuking Houston), some dubious advisors (he only learned about Area 51 because of an old widower who somehow got aboard Air Force One), and waking up for work at 10 am, President Whitmore is a Commander-In-Chief who wanted to take the fight to the enemy at the first opportunity. Sure, his administration wasn’t the best (approval rating was 40 percent before the invasion … how do you like him now?) but he sure disproved the pundits who called him a wimp when he led freaking fleets of aircraft against aliens with shields and lasers.

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film
It could only have been more awesome if he flew an A-10.

Tom Beck – “Deep Impact”

Yes, that guy from Armageddon hatched some cockamamie scheme to send oil rig workers to an asteroid. Morgan Freeman’s President Tom Beck did come up with a similar plan, but also planned on that first plan not working, because honestly, does it sound like the best plan for averting a global catastrophe? The answer is no. The President of the United States had to try something. He couldn’t just send 800,000 Americans underground to rebuild civilization later and bid good luck to the rest. He did that, but he tried to save everyone else too.

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film
I would watch every political speech if it were in this voice.

David Palmer – “24”

When confronted with the possibility that a loose nuclear weapon could be detonated in the United States, President Palmer does exactly what every other President, real or imagined, probably wishes they could do: Call Jack Bauer. He reinstates Agent Bauer, who finds the bomb and detonates it in a safe place, within 24 hours. He’s also smart enough not to start bombing countries because of some fake recordings. For all his trouble, he’s removed from office, then assassinated. We didn’t deserve President Palmer anyway.

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film
We were in such good hands, too.

President Henry Fonda – “Fail-Safe”

Imagine being President and accidentally ordering a nuclear attack on Moscow in response to a perceived missile attack. Now imagine that missile attack isn’t real, but you can’t call off the bombing of Moscow. When your bombers nuke the Russian capital, would you be able to make a deal with the Russians to nuke New York yourself in order to avert a global war? Could you do it while your wife is in New York? I’m guessing not. But Henry Fonda could.

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film
The producers of Fail Safe could at least have given the President a name.

Honorable Mention: Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho – “Idiocracy”

Some might argue that President Camacho both enabled his stupid people while being one of them, but realizing the problem of not being able to grow food while being smart enough to enlist a smart guy to fix that problem is some good Presidenting.

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film

 

WORST

Merkin Muffley – “Dr. Strangelove”

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film

If someone is the President of the United States during a time where nuclear annihilation was just a button push (or case of mistaken identity) away, one would think they might learn everything there is to know about how nuclear war could be triggered from their side. President Muffley had no idea. Granted, he tries to talk everyone down and prevent the attack on the USSR, but it would have been averted entirely if he had just known what the hell his own military was capable of in the first place.

Benjamin Asher – “Olympus Has Fallen”

 

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film
I sure hope he’s getting advice from a *good* President here.

North Koreans take over the White House, execute the South Korean Prime Minister, and take President Asher and some of his Cabinet hostage, looking to remove U.S. forces from the Korean Peninsula and detonate American nuclear missiles in their silos. To do this (why is this even an option?), he needs three sets of “Cerberus codes,” which he promptly orders two of his cabinet secretaries to give up in exchange for their lives, obviously not realizing there is a situation where millions of American lives are at stake, and is bigger than just what’s happening in front of him.

James Dale – “Mars Attacks”

Even in the face of unprecedented violence, a Martian invasion, and the Martians slaughtering Congress, President Dale still sought a diplomatic solution.

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film
America can do better. I mean, we *could* have, but now we’re enslaved by Martians.

James Marshall “Air Force One”

Harrison Ford plays President James Marshall, a Medal of Honor recipient in his previous time in the U.S. military. Now, Air Force One is hijacked by Russians posing as journalists (because anyone can get aboard Marshall’s Air Force One, apparently). After allowing many on board to get killed, he almost brings down the Air Force pararescue jumpers and C-130 crews who rescue him in the end because he just won’t leave the stupid plane. Also, for a Medal of Honor recipient, he sure doesn’t fight, move, or hold a weapon like someone trained to fight.

The President from ‘Escape from New York’

If you’re going to allow the borough of Manhattan to be a contained prison just for inmates with life sentences, why would you allow Air Force One to fly over it? Also, how are so many people taking over Air Force One in these movies? It’s so easy for people in movies to take that plane, unless you’re the good guys. Steven Seagal died trying to sneak aboard the President’s jet in “Executive Decision,” but some dudes can take it over while the POTUS is carrying secret bomb plans in “Escape from New York.”

Why Clark Griswold may be one of the most perfect veterans in film
I hope Snake Plissken ran against him before his second term.

Dishonorable Mention – Julian Navarro – “The Brink”

Tim Robbins’ Secretary of State Walter Larsen should have been the President on this show. It was like the actual President didn’t know anything at all about the modern world’s trouble spots, his intelligence assets, or how to deal with any of it. His first response is just to bomb the crap out of everything at the suggestion of his Secretary of Defense.

MIGHTY MOVIES

Watch the ‘Top Gun 2’ trailer or lose me forever

Do not tell me your heart doesn’t skip a beat when that music kicks in. I don’t want to hear it because you’re a goddamn liar.

A new Top Gun 2: Maverick trailer was just released, and even though it’s a teaser, it’s gonna make you want to go right into the danger zone — or at least you’ll have the urge to head to a recruiting office or call your battle buddies or whatever.

I know I did.


MIGHTY MOVIES

Twitter thinks Optimus Prime is the most inspirational dude ever

Normally, asking which of two beloved characters with rabid fanbases is a way to rile people up, to start up a spirited debate. Kirk vs. Picard is the classic example of this kind of question: there’s no right answer, which is why it’s fun to talk about.

So when a Twitter user asked who gives the better speeches, Captain America or Optimus Prime, we didn’t expect anything approaching a consensus to emerge. And yet, one did.


It’s Optimus Prime, by a mile. And honestly, after we rewatched the speeches people posted in the replies, it’s hard not to agree. It might not be fair—he’s a massive robot after all—but he has more gravitas than Cap. There’s also the fact that the Transformers stories present plenty of opportunities to talk about the future of the human race and that, in the Avengers films at least, Cap is one of dozens of characters competing for screen time.

As a refresher, here is one of Optimus Prime’s best speeches from the Transformers films.

And here’s one of Cap’s, from Winter Soldier.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=110&v=yv-lEtzVK8I&feature=emb_logo
Captain America’s Epic Speech Scene – Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014) HD

www.youtube.com

If you need a moment to wipe away those tears, we understand. Once you’re ready, you can check out some of the clever replies fans posted in response.

This one is cool because you get to see Peter Cullen, the voice actor who absolutely kills it as Optimus.

But it wasn’t unanimous, and Cap still has his defenders.

This article originally appeared on Fatherly. Follow @FatherlyHQ on Twitter.

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