We’ve all seen “Florida Man” show up in ridiculous headlines. You know the ones: “Florida man calls 911 over missing beer so many times he gets arrested.” Or how about, “Florida man claims wife was kidnapped by holograms.” The list goes on. In fact, headlines coming out of Florida are so often outrageous that “Florida Man” has become something of a pop culture myth, known for getting into trouble in the most ridiculous ways — ways that only someone in an altered state of mind to conjure up.
Alcohol is undeniably a big part of military culture. Troops are constantly pushing the boundaries of what defines alcoholic behavior. The most prolific offender among the branches is, without a doubt, the Marine Corps. Drunk Marines are notorious for getting into trouble and, by now, it’s practically expected because it happens so often.
At the end of the day, the “Florida Man” has a lot in common with a drunk Marine. Here’s why:
Then the Army has to come clean up the mess.
1. The antics are surprisingly similar
For some reason, “Florida Man” is always noted for his intoxication — and even if it doesn’t make the headline, you can safely assume his state of mind. Drinking, getting rowdy, and stripping in public are some of Florida Man’s favorite pastimes — just like Marines! In fact, if you were to take some of his greatest works and replace “Florida Man” with “drunk Marine,” nobody would bat an eye at it.
No, really. Try it with us:
“Naked Florida Man drinks 2 liters of vodka, burns down house baking cookies on George Foreman Grill”
And make these changes:
“Naked, drunk Marine drinks 2 liters of vodka, burns down barracks baking cookies on George Foreman Grill“
Seamless, right? That’s why we’re not allowed to have toasters in our rooms.
Seriously? Over chicken?
(U.S. Marine Corps)
2. They both exhibit aggressive tendencies
Drunk Marines are, quite possibly, the most irritable people on the planet. Making simple requests or doing anything that might accidentally upset one will likely result in violence.
Tell me, which of these is the real headline?
“Florida Man swings anchor at beachgoers because they ruined his chicken“
“Drunk Marine swings anchor at beachgoers because they ruined his chicken“
Can’t tell? Us neither. This is what happens when you don’t have a battle buddy.
3. Playing with dangerous, live animals
Both Marines and Florida Man have a penchant for messing with whatever wildlife happens to share their environment. Add a little bit of alcohol to the situation, and you might end up with this:
“Florida Man enters convenience store carrying live gator, chases customers“
That could easily be this:
“Drunk Marine enters PX carrying live gator, chases customers“
I feel like I’ve seen both of these before…
Why do drunk people always want to fight cops?
(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Sgt. Jesus Sepulveda Torres)
4. Trying to fight cops
To be fair, drunk Marines will fight anyone when given the chance. But, of course, any challenge of authority will result in direct confrontation. That’s how you get headline swaps like this:
“Florida Man trashes McDonald’s, challenges cops to fight him at jail”
“Drunk Marine trashes chow hall, challenges PMO to fight him”
After evaluating the evidence, we can conclude with near certainty that Florida Man is indeed a US Marine.