Okay, okay. Marines are arrogant; we get it. So, maybe we don't need to dedicate an entire month to one of the finest fighting forces on the planet. Maybe doing so will simply add fuel to their egotistical fire. But the fact is that Infantry Marines are some of the best, most badass creatures on the planet, and we're going celebrate them however we damn-well want.
Luckily, for the celebratory folks among us, the Marine Corps' MOS codes have given us a pretty easy-to-follow structure. So, we're officially declaring that March be Marine Infantry Month, and we're marking the following days on our calendars to celebrate each of the many Marine Corps Infantry sub-cultures.
It should be noted that, on this day, if you wish to express your anger, just yell, "but I have a college degree!"
(U.S. Marine Corps)
March 1st — Infantry Officers Day (0301)
While many may not feel like celebrating it, infantry officers are certainly something you can appreciate. Each year, we'll start this day off with a land navigation course during which you purposely get lost before you find yourself on a beach, sipping on expensive alcohol with lance corporals cooking on grills (not in the barracks, though).
See how much fun this one's having? That could be you.
(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Cpl. Brendan Custer)
March 11th — Day of the Rifleman (0311)
The most populous of the infantry jobs, on March 11, start your celebration with a long-distance run or a patrol into a densely wooded area nearby. Once you're there, eat some MREs — but save that poundcake! You'll need it for the ceremonial field birthday cake: an MRE pound cake with a burning cigarette in the center.
This is a day of stillness. Don't you move, boot.
(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Israel Chincio)
March 17th — Day of the Snipers (0317)
When you wake up on the 17th, paint your face in camouflage, crawl a few miles, and then lay there for the rest of the day. When the sun starts to set, shoot a rifle at something really far away, and then crawl home.
A fun day at the beach, right?
(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Lance Cpl. Christian Ayers)
March 21st — Day of Reconnaissance (0321)
On the 21st, take a boat out from the shore before paddling it back in. What you do after you've landed is completely up to you, but no matter what, you can't tell anyone what happened.
Also, make that dumb crunchy dig your fighting hole then take it over!
(U.S. Marine Corps)
March 31st - Weapons Day (0331, 0341, 0351, 0352...)
Because there are a lot of MOS codes out there that end in numbers bigger than 31, we've got a lot of ground to cover at the end of the month. Not exactly optimal — each job really deserves their own day — but hey, we didn't make the universe.
Here's how a celebration might go: You sit back and watch as the riflemen do all the work and only help them when they call up the proper radio report. Then maybe you help them. Otherwise, you've got an avenue of approach to keep an eye on, right?