15 clichés every military recruit from Texas hears in basic training
Being from Texas bring a certain set of expectations. Some are good, some are funny, and some are just ridiculous.
There are many, but here are 15 clichés every recruit hears at boot camp:
1. "Only steers and queers come from Texas private cowboy, and you don't much look like a steer to me so that kinda narrows it down" - Sergeant Hartman, "Full Metal Jacket" (1987)You know how it goes. You get to a new unit and the first thing someone asks is what's your name and where you're from. You say, "my name is ____" followed by, "I'm from Texas." The first thing you get is the Gunny Hartman quote about steers and queers. It doesn't get more original than that (note my sarcasm).
2. The drill instructor calls you "Lone Star" to single you out.
What the hell are you doing Lone Star? Why are you out of formation!? This one is worth owning.
3. Everyone calls you "Tex" instead of your name. This usually happens for the first two weeks of boot camp while everyone is still learning names.
"There was Dallas, from Phoenix; Cleveland - he was from Detroit; and Tex... well, I don't remember where Tex come from." - Forrest Gump, "Forrest Gump" (1994)
4. Everyone assumes you have a horse back home.
Nope. Too expensive.
5. Everyone from Texas goes hunting.
Not really. But we do have a friend that does who'd let us tag along with if we wanted to.
6. The other recruits assume you know your way around a rifle because everyone in Texas has a gun.
... because Texas has that open carry law.
7. You eat BBQ for every meal.
We f--king love BBQ! And, we don't settle for that nonsense other states call BBQ. Your choice of meat with pepper and salt over misquite is all you need.
8. All Texans are stupid.
They're just mistaking our Texan drawl for being slow.
9. You grew up on a ranch.
Where do you think we do all our BBQing, shooting, and hunting? Actually, no. Cities like San Antonio, Dallas/Fort Worth, and Houston are among the largest in the country. There's no room for a ranch in the asphalt jungle.
10. You must have an oil well in your backyard.
Who do you think we are, the Beverly Hillbillies?
11. You probably have a big truck.
If we don't have one, we really want one. Who doesn't?
12. People from Texas are the definition of "Murica."
We're very patriotic, which is why there's always a handful of recruits from the great state in your unit.
13. Football is your religion.
Yes. We go to church every Friday (high school football), Saturday (college football), and Sunday (NFL football).
14. You have long horns over your fireplace or on your vehicle.
Nope. Not so much. It would go well with UT Longhorn gear though.
15. You're from Texas, so therefore you're a redneck. Nope, I'm a Texan.
"Texans tend to ride horses whereas rednecks ride their cousins." — Chris Kyle, "American Sniper" (2014)