In military terms, there is a distinct difference between a training scar and any old ineffective decision. This story from Toulouse, France, on Jan. 31, 2026, falls squarely into the category of a “Sphincter-Based Situation,” a very special event that no amount of lower-body training or deep-breathing exercises can prepare you for.
Some people collect Air Jordans, some postcards, or maybe old videos. Those little knick-knacks that occupy too much space in our attics and closets, which serve no purpose other than to remind you of a trip to Tampa you took way back yonder.
But a 24-year-old Frenchman in Toulouse decided to go for a more explorative hobby, turning a quiet night at Rangueil Hospital into a full-blown existential crisis. These crises eventually lead a young medical professional to ask one of those life-defining questions: “How did that get in there?”
For the medical staff at the accident and emergency unit, the “extreme discomfort” the patient complained of wasn’t exactly a mystery once the imaging came back, not after they found an eight-inch-long, Imperial German 37mm artillery shell lodged in his rectum, a location usually reserved for the love of your life and the occasional colonoscopy prep.
Read Next: World War I battlefields are still uninhabitable
Normally, when we talk about the “Iron Harvest” in France, we’re referring to the hundreds of thousands of unexploded rounds that farmers dig up every spring in places like Verdun. It’s a somber reminder of the Great War’s long shadow cast over generations.
This particular harvest happened in a hospital gown, proving that even more than 108 years later, the Ghost of Kaiser Wilhelm II still has a way of ruining your weekend, and your colon, from beyond the grave.
A “Slipped and Fell” Story Meets the Bomb Squad
Depending on where they are in their career, every nurse and doctor on the planet will eventually hear the “slipped and fell” story. It’s the universal tactical maneuver used by people who find themselves in the ER with something they shouldn’t have, stuck in them, often claiming they were just vacuuming their apartment naked when they slipped and fell on the object.
Sometimes, it’s a shampoo bottle, other times a TV remote, or perhaps a zucchini; very rarely is it a live piece of 1918 ordnance designed by Krupp engineers to punch through the armor plate of a British Mark IV tank.
Imagine being the guy or gal in the next bed over, maybe there for a routine appendectomy, dreaming of your post-op Jell-O cup, only to be told you have to clear the floor because someone brought a proctological pipe bomb to the party.
Parts of Rangueil Hospital had to be evacuated, a security perimeter was established, and the local bomb squad was called in to neutralize the stinky target. It is a perfect irony of 2026 so far: we have drones that can land on their tails and AI that can write sonnets about toaster ovens, yet we are still being bullied by a century-old German shell smooshed into a guy’s rectum, like a disgusting Hot Pocket.
37mm of Poor Judgment
From a tactical standpoint, we have questions. An eight-inch shell isn’t a momentary lapse in judgment; it feels like a pre-planned, multi-stage operation requiring significant logistical preparation and lubrication.
We aren’t talking about a .303 rifle round here; it was an Imperial German 37mm anti-aircraft round, roughly 1.5 inches in diameter. That is not a conundrum. That is commitment. Who knows? Maybe he was trying to defuse it and simply got frustrated. Let’s not judge, lest we be judged.
While the shell was eventually determined to be “decommissioned,” the initial fear that the 1918 firing pin might still be operational led to a lot of sweating and nose holding for the entire hospital staff. It’s the kind of day that makes you want to quit your job and become a sheep herder in the Scottish Highlands.
This isn’t even the first time the French have used their ass as a junk drawer. In 2022, an 88-year-old in Toulon “fell” on a shell twice the diameter of this one, forcing a massive evacuation. This takes the notion that the battlefield follows you home to a very physical and deeply uncomfortable level.
A National Security Threat
In the military, if you throw government equipment around for fun, you end up cleaning porta-potties with a bucket and string until your contract expires or your spirit breaks, whichever comes first. In France, if you shove a bomb up your derriere, you face the Judicial Support Group (GAJ).
Prosecutors are currently mulling over legal action against our 24-year-old protagonist for “handling Category A munitions,” which is a fancy way of saying he’s being charged with maintaining an illegal weapons depot in his “Hobbit hole.”
French law is remarkably specific about what counts as a prohibited weapon, and “antiques” aren’t always exempt if they still contain a pyrotechnic charge. As of February 2026, the patient is in stable condition, presumably sore, and facing a police interview that will be significantly more awkward than any safety brief you’ve ever sat through.
Of course, the day isn’t over until you conduct an After-Action Review: Did the hospital blow up? No. Did anyone require skin grafts? Negative. Fortunately, only the patient’s pride is beyond repair, having been successfully destroyed by a piece of steel forged when Woodrow Wilson was still in office.
Ever-Present Danger of the “Iron Harvest”
While we laugh at the absurdity of this man’s anal escapades, the “Iron Harvest” itself is no joke. Every year, the French Department of Mine Clearance (Departement du Deminage) recovers about 900 tons of unexploded munitions. Ticking time bombs that have killed hundreds of people since 1946. When someone treats these relics like sex toys, they aren’t just risking their own plumbing. They risk the lives of the medical professionals who definitely didn’t sign up to be EOD technicians during their residency.
As long as there are bored people, there will be objects stuffed inside them. Some will do it out of curiosity, a small fraction will actually fall on them. It doesn’t matter. The job description remains the same: adapt, overcome, and for the love of all that is holy, stop using your ass as a toy box. We spend billions building the most advanced hardware on Earth, but put a 24-year-old in a room with a historical relic and some free time, and his first instinct is apparently to see if he can become a human silencer for a Great War artillery piece.
