11 things you should send the FNG find - We Are The Mighty
Humor

11 things you should send the FNG find

Telling the f*cking new guy (FNG) to go out and find things isn’t malicious. It may look like hazing to the untrained eye — but you’re teaching that kid a little bit more about the unit.


It’s a team-building activity. Everyone should be involved. Not in looking, of course, but in on the joke.

The FNG goes to get that thing from one place. Say “sorry, kid, check with Sergeant Smith over there.” Now they have a name to face on Sergeant Smith and hopefully what they do. They keep getting bounced around until the salty supply dude gets fed up and scolds the poor kid.

They learned a lesson and enjoyed some face time with the team, and you get a good laugh. That, and they’re far more entertaining than those checklists you get at reception.

#1: Headlight Fluid

Motorpool Monday again. Since most boots can’t figure out how to turn on the headlights on a Humvee, let them know that it’s probably because they’re out of fluid.

#2: Exhaust Samples

While you’re still at the Motorpool, tell them that in order for dispatch to truly know how well the vehicle is running, they need an exhaust sample.

11 things you should send the FNG find

#3: Chem-light batteries

Chances are the rookie has little understanding of chemiluminescence and probably won’t pull “but it’s a chemical reaction caused by the mixing of two solutions being exposed together.”

If they do, they should probably get a pass until lunch.

#4: Box of Grid Squares

You’re about to go to the Land Navigation field and you are in “some serious need” for some grid squares.

I mean, technically, they could just give you a paper map and they wouldn’t be wrong.

11 things you should send the FNG find

#5: Prop/Rotor Wash

Didn’t think Aviation would get a pass on the 242nd Annual F*ck-F*ck Games, did you?

For the uninformed, Prop/Rotor Wash is back draft of air that the aircraft generates to create lift. It’s also the worst part about Air Assault FRIES jumps.

11 things you should send the FNG find

#6: Flight Line

New kid not leaving you alone while you maintain a multi-million dollar piece of equipment? Tell them you have to connect some flight line to the whatever. And while they’re at it, tell them to grab the left-handed monkey wrench.

11 things you should send the FNG find

#7: Pad Eye Remover

For obvious reasons, it’s best to remove the chains from the aircraft and not the ship. But the FNG doesn’t get obvious.

11 things you should send the FNG find

 

#8: The switch to lower the mast

Oh no! The ship is about to go underneath a bridge that other ships have gone under thousands of times over! Looks like it’s time to lower the mast!

Related: This is why the military shouldn’t completely outlaw hazing

 

11 things you should send the FNG find
(Screenshot from WATM’s No Sh*t There I Was)

#9: Bulkhead Remover

It’ll be all fun and games when you tell the baby squid to clean all the bulkhead off. The moment they grab a blowtorch…run.

11 things you should send the FNG find

#10: Prickey-5

Always a fun one to pull on your guy to rib another NCO. If the private responds with, “Why do we need a Prickey-5 when we already have a Prickey 6?”

Drop their ass.

11 things you should send the FNG find
The look of every Staff Sergeant ever. (Image via Staff Sergeant Old School)

 

#11: ID 10-T Form

All the years this one has been around, it still sticks. It’s far too obvious of a joke.

And yet….

11 things you should send the FNG find

Humor

10 MP memes that will make you laugh all day

These young men and women are the first troops you’ll see in the morning as you drive onto base and they’re the last people you’ll see as you exit at night. The military police protect us from the various threats trying to sneak onto secured territory and they carefully watch the convicted criminals that are locked up — and this thankless job isn’t freakin’ easy.

The brave souls who serve as military police also take a lot of sh*t from their brothers- and sisters-in-arms — but it’s all in good fun… just like these memes.


11 things you should send the FNG find
11 things you should send the FNG find

(The Salty Soldier)

11 things you should send the FNG find
11 things you should send the FNG find
11 things you should send the FNG find
11 things you should send the FNG find
11 things you should send the FNG find
11 things you should send the FNG find
11 things you should send the FNG find
11 things you should send the FNG find
Articles

This is what happens when your father was your drill instructor’s drill instructor

If Marine Corps boot camp is a bitter slice of hell, then drill instructors are the demons who dish it.


Now imagine what basic training would be like if your drill instructor was your father’s recruit and knew it. That’s exactly what happened to Reddit user hygemaii.

11 things you should send the FNG find
Gunnery Sergeant Shawn D. Angell gently corrects a trainee. (Photo: U.S. Marine Corps)

You’d expect one of two things to happen: you get favorable treatment because your father treated your DI to a rose garden — highly unlikely — or you become your DI’s reprisal punching bag for everything your father put him through as a recruit — probably more realistic. Here’s how the story played out, according to hygemaii (mildly edited for grammar and curse words):

“My best military story is my own boot camp story. I decided to join the Marine Corps almost on a whim after planning to join the Air Force for most of my senior year in high school.

Related: 5 of the funniest boot camp stories we’ve ever heard

Same old story of AF recruiters seeming like they didn’t give a sh-t about their appearance or job and the Marine recruiter putting out max effort all the time and always being presentable. I was a pretty easy mark for the USMC because my dad was in the USMC; I grew up on bases all over the U.S. until we moved to the little farm town in North Florida where I went to high school.

Since I was 18, I basically did all the paperwork myself, found a job series I liked, signed, the whole nine yards, my dad didn’t know anything until I told him I was going to MEPS and joining the Marines. He was overjoyed, obviously. He loved the Corps and regretted getting out after 12 years.

Now the story gets funny. My dad was a drill instructor when he was in the Marines. I remembered living on Parris Island but didn’t think much of it. When I got my ship date for boot camp, my dad called some old friends and I ended up in a Company who’s First Sergeant was an old friend of my dad’s — they served on the drill field together all those years ago. So through some sort of crazy coincidence, I end up in a platoon with a drill instructor who was a recruit under my dad (6-7 years prior to me going to boot camp).

11 things you should send the FNG find
A Drill Instructor whispers loving words of encouragement to Marines who needed some motivation. (U.S. Marine Corps)

I have a very distinct name, and on the second day after we got our real drill instructors, as he was going through roll call, the drill instructor suddenly fell quiet. After a couple of seconds, he said my name, perfectly pronounced, and I knew I was f-cked.

He said “Lastname, I bet there aren’t too many Lastnames in the world like that, are there?” Sir, no sir. “Was your daddy a Marine in the 90’s Lastname?” Sir, yes sir. “F-cking good, Lastname, good. Get on my quarterdeck now.”

I spent the rest of boot camp unable to make myself invisible. It spread from my drill instructor to drill instructors from other platoons, even other Companies. It was f-cking miserable. I felt bad for my rack mate, because at one point for about three days I had to move my entire rack to the quarterdeck and he was just along for the ride, so he caught a lot of it, too.

It made graduating really special, in retrospect, to finally get the kind words from that drill instructor, but man that sucked. I’m pretty sure this entire thing was set up by my dad and his buddy, but they both deny it, and there’s no way to prove it.

It was funny seeing my drill instructor stand a little straighter when he saw my dad at graduation.”

Humor

8 things a boot lieutenant should never say

We love our military officers. Let’s put that out there right now before the light, verbal hazing commences.


Once an officer is fresh out of training, we call them a ‘boot,’ which is military for being a brand new guy or gal in the service. Depending on what branch or unit you’re in, the timeline for being a boot can last a year — or until you complete a combat deployment.

In any case, the training officer candidates undergo can be quite difficult, but it can be even harder to earn the respect of the men and women who will serve under them. Earning a college degree and getting commissioned is easy compared to earning the respect of your entire unit through service.

Earning respect starts with choosing your words and how you carry yourself carefully. Here are a few words boot officers should not say for a long, long time — if ever.

Related: 4 things you should never say to a military spouse

1. “From all my experience, I think we should…”

Most enlisted troops respect all the training officers have gone through, but until they prove themselves, butterbars’ so-called experiences don’t hold much weight.

11 things you should send the FNG find

2. “With all due respect, sergeant major, my leadership skills far exceed anyone else’s in the regiment.”

Take it back, sir! Please, take back that statement, lock it up in a safe, and forget the combination — for a while.

3. “I bet you I’ll be great in a firefight.”

No one can predict that until that sh*t situation occurs.

11 things you should send the FNG find

4. “Being a commissioned officer should get me the same respect as any who have seen combat.”

We’ve met a lot of commissioned officers in our time, but it doesn’t matter how much training you’ve been through — respect is earned through distinguished service.

Most infantry officers will earn that respect soon enough.

5. “I guarantee you that I’ll be just as badass as Chesty Puller one day.”

Boot officers can dream, can’t they?

11 things you should send the FNG find

6. “I deserved to be saluted by every enlisted troop, no matter what.”

They will be, but an officer can sound like a d*ck for saying it that way.

Also Read: 7 things you’ll never hear a Marine drill instructor say

7. “Well, sergeant, in OCS we learned to attack the enemy this way.”

Who would you trust? A boot officer or an experienced enlisted troop?

11 things you should send the FNG find

8. “I wonder how similar real combat is compared to Call of Duty? Because I’m badass at that game.”

Answer: Not at all. The graphics look cool, though.

Humor

5 reasons why the AT-AT from Star Wars would be terrible in the real world

The Star Wars franchise is all about placing fantastical elements within in a sci-fi setting. In order to truly enjoy the films, you have to suspend your disbelief a little bit — otherwise it’ll look a lot like cosmic samurai fighting a faceless evil empire across a galaxy filled with people who magically speak the same language and function just fine without a space suit wherever they end up.


Putting a bit more thought into it, the Imperial Stormtroopers seem to get the short end of the stick nearly every single time. With the soon-to-be-released Solo: A Star Wars Story on the horizon, it’s fun to remember why they probably wouldn’t make the most intimidating enemy — especially not with highly-overused AT-AT walkers.

11 things you should send the FNG find
But they probably sold a lot of toys, so anyu00a0argument against them is void.
(Photo by Tim Moreillon)

To all seven of you out there who haven’t seen Star Wars, the AT-AT is a gigantic, robotic troop transport used by the antagonists that’s sort-of a futuristic callback to Hannibal’s elephants. They’re fairly intimidating in the films until you realize just how dumb of a design they really are.

11 things you should send the FNG find

At least they acknowledged that painting its weak spot bright orange was an objectively bad idea.

(Lucasfilm)

Its weaknesses are extremely obvious

The most glaring mistake of the AT-AT is that they’re so easy to destroy. In The Empire Strikes Back, our heroes turn the tide during a battle on the icy planet of Hoth when they decide to trip the lumbering armor. Really? Why did it take some rural moisture farmer to make that mental breakthrough?

Not only that, but Luke Skywalker also destroyed one by throwing a single grenade, which, somehow, blows up the head. They’re even more easily destroyed in Rogue One, when a single rocket to the walker’s “neck” is enough to take it down.

11 things you should send the FNG find

This is about the field of fire of an AT-AT. Avoid this and you’re fine.

(LucasArts)

Its only weapons are front-facing

If you’re facing the front of an AT-AT, you’re probably screwed. If you’re literally anywhere outside of its 30-degree field of facing, you’re completely safe.

Without any kind of air support, like what happened to them in The Empire Strikes Back, the opportunity to flank them is wide open. If you’re thinking that it could just turn around, that brings us to our next point.

11 things you should send the FNG find

This is it TRYING to turn.

(LucasArts Ltd.)

It can barely turn

To be fair, the AT-AT can turn a little bit in Episode V and some of the obscure novels (which are no longer canon) say that they have an additional joint under the plating to help it turn. But, even if we’re generous, they can turn maybe fifteen degrees with each slow, lumbering step.

This is happens in a time when, according to the logic that has been established by the franchise, intergalactic travel and troop transport is done with spaceships. But, instead of carrying troops via something that fly, they chose something that can barely change course.

11 things you should send the FNG find

It can’t really leave this small clearing so, for any reason other than creating drama, this makes no sense.

(Lucasfilm Ltd.)

It wouldn’t be able to maneuver anywhere

Let’s bring things back to the real world for a moment and discuss why tank treads work in almost every environment while horses don’t: Legs get caught in things. They get tangled in snares and sink into sand, snow, and mud. Tank treads, conversely, just roll through it all.

Now magnify that four-legged beast to the size of an AT-AT. All of those same problems still exist, but now you can cross cities and forests off that list, too.

11 things you should send the FNG find

Poor little AT-AT… At least you tried.

(Lucasfilm Ltd.)

It’s a terrible design for a troop transport

Let’s bring it back to the fact that they rely on what are essentially robot camels when they have countless other options at their disposal. A spaceship can warp in and push out every Stormtrooper in a blink of an eye. The AT-AT, on the other hand, needs to bend down, load troops into the vehicle, carry them all somewhere, bend back down, and, finally, unload them.

All of that just to get some troops forward in an easily destructible, undefended deathtrap that can barely get around. Sure, they’re intimidating, but don’t you have Death Stars and Star Destroyers for that?

Articles

This top intelligence officer had no security clearance

One would think that without a security clearance, the Director of Naval Intelligence would lose his job. In the case of Navy Vice Adm. Ted Branch, that didn’t happen.


Branch was caught on the periphery of the “Fat Leonard” scandal, due to his actions while commanding officer of the nuclear-powered aircraft carrier USS Nimitz (CVN 68).

You’ve probably heard of it by now. Numerous Navy officers and individuals tied to a contractor in the Far East have been indicted for all sorts of charges, including retired Navy Rear Adm. Bruce Loveless, whose indictment was unsealed on March 14, according to a Defense News report.

11 things you should send the FNG find
Vice Adm. Ted Branch (U.S. Navy photo)

Branch had his security clearance suspended in 2013, months after he became Director of Naval Intelligence. A March 2016 report by USNI News noted that then-Secretary of the Navy Ray Mabus discussed the situation with the Senate Armed Services Committee in a hearing.

“When I was informed in late 2013 that Adm. Branch was possibly connected to the GDMA case, I thought because of his position I should remove his clearance in an excess of caution. I was also told — assured — at that time that a decision would be made in a very short time — in a matter of weeks, I was told — as to whether he was involved and what would be the disposition of the case,” Mabus explained to Senator Joni Earnst (R-IA).

Branch’s situation had languished for almost two and a half years at that point.

11 things you should send the FNG find

“Naval intelligence is OK. The whole situation is less than optimal and frustrating, but we are where we are,” he told Military.com in Feb. 2016. “And we will persevere. And I will lead in this capacity until somebody tells me to go home.”

Branch retired on Oct. 1, 2016, upon the confirmation of his successor, Vice Adm. Jan Tighe.

During Branch’s time as captain of the Nimitz, the 10-part PBS documentary series “Carrier” was film on the vessel. The series was produced by Mel Gibson’s Icon Productions, the same company that did the Oscar-winning film “Hacksaw Ridge.”

Articles

5 nuggets of wisdom in ‘Black Hawk Down’ you may have missed

In 1993, US forces consisting of Army Rangers and Delta Force commandos stormed into Mogadishu, Somalia, to capture warlord Mohamed Farrah Aidid and key members of his militia.


During the raid, two UH-60 Black Hawk helicopters were shot down, 18 Americans were killed, and 73 were wounded.

Director Ridley Scott brought the heroic story to the big screen in 2001’s “Black Hawk Down” which portrays aspects of the power of human will and brotherly bonds between the soldiers in the fight.

Peel back the layers of the film and check out a few nuggets of wisdom you may have missed in the story.

Related: Here’s how Hollywood turns actors into military operators

1. Never underestimate the enemy

US forces tend to believe because a nation is poor, they don’t have any fight in them. Remember that the enemies we typically fight have home field advantage.

2. Don’t f*ck with Delta Force

Enough said — and probably the coolest line in the movie.

3. Understanding what you can’t control

It’s a common misconception that the ground troops know why they’re sent to a fight.

The truth is — there’s always a mission behind the mission. But that doesn’t matter, because it boils down in the end to surviving and taking care of your men. That’s real leadership.

4. Life doesn’t always make sense

After watching one of the hardest scenes in the film, a Ranger’s death, Sgt. Eversmann (played by Josh Hartnett) questions himself and over-analyzes his own leadership. Honestly, no matter how much you train, you can’t predict sh*t.

Also Read: 5 military myths that Hollywood has taught us to believe are true

5. Why we do it

It’s nice to be told “thank you for your service” by civilians every now and again, but truthfully we don’t like it. Hoot (played by Eric Bana) clears it up in one line — why grunts do what they do.

Can you think of any others? Comment below.

Articles

13 of the funniest military memes for the week of July 14

It’s a long week back after that July 4th hangover. And then some of us have to pick up the other guy’s slack when he goes off to drill.


Good thing military memes always have the watch.

1. We’re still the best. (via ASMDSS)

11 things you should send the FNG find
Don’t worry, America is the best in any universe, no matter which spelling you see.

2. There are a lot of new ideas floating around DoD.

11 things you should send the FNG find
The Air Force doesn’t like those kinds of shenanigans.

3. But some things never change.

11 things you should send the FNG find
What happens on the bus stays on the bus.

Read Now: Here’s how aerial gunners were trained to fight their way past the Luftwaffe

4. The CS has been watching a lot of Food Network.

11 things you should send the FNG find
Midrats: It’s what’s for dinner. And lunch. Probably breakfast. From yesterday. Combined.

5. Because Navy PT standards might be taking a beating (via The Salty Sailor)

11 things you should send the FNG find
For use only with corpsman supervision.

6. Airmen have a special diet while away from their duty station.

11 things you should send the FNG find
It’s just an excuse. We’d do it anyway. Wubba lubba dub dub.

7. Because special duties can be stressful.

11 things you should send the FNG find
He got used to the taste of crayons after a while.

Also: Gene Hackman’s response on why he joined the Marines is TV gold

8. Even the Army has trouble helping out Marine Corps NCOs.

11 things you should send the FNG find

9. But all NCOs run on the same operating system.

11 things you should send the FNG find
Somewhere in there, paperwork gets done.

10. At least this weekend we can even look forward to Sunday night.

11 things you should send the FNG find
We drink and we know things.

Check Out: 7 mysteriously missing body parts of military leaders

11. And maybe forget about that upcoming deployment.

11 things you should send the FNG find
It’s adorable that you think the bucket list actually means something. Now get out.

12. The ghosts of cadence past can come back to haunt us.

11 things you should send the FNG find
The little yellow bird is sick of your sh*t.

13. Who’s got the best callsign in the Air Force?

11 things you should send the FNG find
His Follow Me Car is legendary.

Humor

4 ways to actually impress Secretary Mattis

On a recent trip to Indonesia, Secretary of Defense James Mattis was treated to a display of intensity by the Indonesian Special Forces. They broke flaming bricks with their heads, rolled in broken glass, and even went as far as drinking the blood of snakes — all to impress the Warrior Monk. While Indonesian Special Forces’ demonstration definitely shows a willingness to fight, it might be a bit too much.


It’s actually not that hard to decipher ways to really impress Secretary Mattis. He basically tells everyone how to be a warrior and everyone misinterprets his advice as yet another ‘Mattisism.’ It’s simple. Just don’t call him “Mad Dog” and be a competent fighter and you’ll be on his good side. Here are some other quick, simple ways to impress the Secretary of Defense.

4. Don’t use PowerPoint

One of the most simple (and true) Mattisisms is, “PowerPoint makes us stupid” — and damn near everyone in the military agrees. Sure, it may be an easy and useful way to bullet point out some notes, but the point of “easy and useful” is lost when PowerPoint Rangers spend their entire careers creating them instead of, you know, leading their troops.

I hate to break it to every staff officer out there stuck deciding on a font, but you’re wasting your time. Your troops are waiting for you.

11 things you should send the FNG find
War may be this complicated on Gen. McCrystal’s level, but the average trigger-puller doesn’t care. (Image via Army)

3. Shoot the assholes who need to be shot

Every troop, from the knuckle-dragging grunt to the PowerPoint Ranger, joined the military for one reason: to help fight America’s wars. Many infantrymen kick in doors daily and many POGs may never come within a grid-square of danger. This shouldn’t matter: When the time comes, you should be willing to fight and end the enemy before they end you.

Whether they know it or not, the reason Secretary Mattis was impressed with Indonesian Special Forces was their willingness to prove they have what it takes to be a warfighter.

11 things you should send the FNG find
Having a solid door-kick doesn’t hurt either. (Photo by Staff Sgt. Tierney Curry)

2. Be polite, be professional…

And, of course, have a plan to kill everyone you meet. This doesn’t mean that you should constantly live your life like you’re playing Grand Theft Auto V. It means that you should always stay vigilant.

Treat everyone as if they’re your friend, but have a backup plan in case they don’t feel the same way about you.

11 things you should send the FNG find
Never take your head off a swivel. Ever. (U.S. Army photo by Cpl. George Huley)

1. Actually read the books on his reading list

Show of hands: Who’s actually read through every single book that Secretary Mattis has recommended throughout his lengthy military career? Much respect if you have, and no judgment if you haven’t.

While everyone will eat up his Mattisisms about being the meanest, roughest, most savage son of a b*tch on the battlefield, he actually talks more about being smart. “Engage your brain before your weapon.”

11 things you should send the FNG find
Learn everything you can – except how to spell ‘dafeet.’ (DoD photo by Army Sgt. Amber I. Smith)

Humor

The 13 funniest military memes for the end of March

You all really need to start securing your funny military memes. I found these 13 just lying around. But hey, memes adrift are a gift, right?


1. “We outrank exactly one thing.”

(via Sh*t my LPO says)

 

11 things you should send the FNG find

2. When the Thunderbolts get together:

(via Military Memes)

11 things you should send the FNG find

SEE ALSO: This flight student’s first attempt to land on an aircraft carrier ended in disaster

3. Once you’ve been bit by the blue falcon, you’ll change into one whenever the sun is out (via The Salty Soldier).

11 things you should send the FNG find
Or when the moon is out. Or the stars. Or the clouds. Or clear skies with no illumination.

4. Haven’t spotted a single f*ck this cruise, to be honest (via Sh*t my LPO says).

11 things you should send the FNG find
There’s a rumor that supply had some but they fell over the side.

5. All these Coasties standing around and you expect them to use a vehicle?

(via Coast Guard Memes)

11 things you should send the FNG find
The Coast Guard pays for chow out of the fuel budget. Earn it.

6. “Thanks sir, this really means a lot …”

(via Air Force Memes Humor)

11 things you should send the FNG find

7. The trick is to get your rest and relaxation while you’re on duty:

(via The Salty Soldier)

11 things you should send the FNG find
He’s probably thinking about how that’s a really old vest design to be wearing with multicams.

8. Having a good day, having a good day, havin—Oh crap!

(via Funker530)

11 things you should send the FNG find

9. That moment you really wish your NCO had a good marriage:

(via Marine Corps Memes)

11 things you should send the FNG find

10. Come on, sir. You’re making the Army look bad (via Pop Smoke).

11 things you should send the FNG find
Notice that the Marine on the left is straight-up supervising a boot cleaning.

11. If your uniform change felt random, it probably was (via Military Memes).

11 things you should send the FNG find
But seriously, what does the Navy need camouflage for? It’s the giant gray boat that gives you away.

12. When the aid station can’t even WebMD right:

(via Coast Guard Memes)

11 things you should send the FNG find

13. If you didn’t get picked up last week:

(via Sh*t my LPO says)

11 things you should send the FNG find
Sorry about that.

Humor

5 things infantrymen love about the ‘woobie’

Though only a select few civilians even know of its existence, the “woobie” is cherished by all Marine and Army infantrymen, enlisted/commissioned, from Vietnam to the present.


Related video:

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There are two kinds of infantry: Those who gladly pay the embarrassingly undervalued $42.95 reimbursement fee to TMO so they can keep their precious, and those who live with shame and regret for the rest of their days.

This is for the rest of you, not yet acquainted with absolute benevolence.

Related: 5 ways Marines are like ancient Spartans

5. The woobie maintains perfect homeostasis

From the frigid mountains of Afghanistan to the jungles of Vietnam, the U.S. infantry fight our country’s battles in the air, on land, and at sea, but not without that one piece of military-issued comfort: the woobie.

She keeps you warm when it’s cold out, and cool in the hot summer — we freakin’ love that.

11 things you should send the FNG find
For casual comfort!

4. It can conceal you while you sleep

Originally olive drab, the woobie has evolved into some of the best camouflage around for the infantry warrior. The woobie is currently sporting digital camouflage, appropriate to whichever branch it honorably serves.

11 things you should send the FNG find
Sleep tight, buddy.

3. It dries quickly when wet

Not everyone knows how truly miserable it is being wet for long stretches of time, but all infantrymen do. Google the term “trench foot” and you’ll quickly see that there’s nothing good about staying wet.

The woobie dries fast, and all infantry grunts praise her for it.

11 things you should send the FNG find
Air dry!

2. Don’t forget, it provides shelter when there is none

No shelter? No problem. If you have two packs and two poncho liners, you’re good to go. In fact, the more infantrymen, the more elaborate the structure you can construct by tieing them together. The woobie comes equipped with lashings on each corner and the sides, allowing for creative architecture.

Remember when you were a kid and blanket forts were a thing? It’s the same in the military, except with full-grown men and their arsenal huddled inside.

11 things you should send the FNG find
A home away from home.

Also Read: The 7 best things about Air Force bases, according to a Marine

1. Plus, it’s green!

And not just the color green, though it usually is. The original woobies were fielded by special forces in 1962, and around 1963, the second generation of woobie was created utilizing WWII duck-hunter-patterned parachute fabric. The fabric entrusted with soldiers’ lives was recycled, reshaped, and repurposed to continue its contributions to a more substantial demographic.

The woobie is a staple of any infantryman’s loadout, and though it may follow the poncho on gear lists, the woobie follows nothing in infantrymen’s hearts. Warriors unite over its capabilities, and we honor woobie for all that it does.

Humor

6 tips to get a ‘sick in quarters’ chit in the military

Sometimes you just feel a little under the weather and are looking for that extra day off. Everyone experiences it and you’re no different. But hey, take if from a “doc” who’s heard every excuse in the book. Here are some surefire ways to get yourself that 24-hour “Sick in Quarters” chit that says “no duty for me, and I’m going home.”


Here’s a few ways you can get sent home as sick in quarters  — on your own terms.

1. Food Poisoning

Sounds bad right? Because it is bad.

Telling the medical personnel you ate sushi the night before (even if you didn’t) and you’ve been vomiting ever since is gold. Don’t forget to tell them you’re unable to hold down water.

They may conduct a “water challenge” which is when they monitor you to see if you can hold down a glass of water. They won’t tell you what they’re doing because they’re camouflaging the test. Spit it up onto the floor, or into a trash can, never in he sink. You want them to see the evidence.

Since there’s no real medical test for this, it’ll probably get labeled in your medical record as a case of gastroenteritis, which is a fancy word for stomach ache.

2. More Than 5 Days

Five days is typically the baseline where doctors believe your aliments may be bacteriological instead of viral — even without a fever. This is a huge tally in your win column. Once the medical professionals begin talking about giving you antibiotics, which they rarely do, hold the smile back when they put you on a five day Z-pak instead of a cold pack.

Letting you go back on duty and risk getting others sick makes more work for them. So away you go!

3. A History of…

Doctors have to be detectives ruling out the worst possible medical condition first, but they only know what you tell them.

Be careful of what you say and how you say it, you could be looking at a full day in medical getting blood work and x-rays. Your chances of going home early could be over.

4. Cough During Auscultation

Auscultation is the act of listening to sounds your heart, lungs, and other organs make using a stethoscope to diagnosis pulmonary and cardiac conditions. Here’s a common trick. Deliver a nice wet cough when the doctor puts the diaphragm of the stethoscope on your back and tells you to take a breath deep in. Timing is key. Deep breathes tend to trigger coughing.

Also note that you should dramatically clear your throat when left alone in the patient’s room. The medical staff can totally hear you from outside.

5. Have A Battle Buddy

You’re feeling so ill you can’t make it to medical alone. That’s a shame. Having a witness to testify on your behalf how sick you are is an incredible asset to have. Just remember, you now own him or her big time.

11 things you should send the FNG find
Imagine that!

6. No partying for you

Now that you’ve got your SIQ chit. Get out of there and go home before the doc changes his mind.

Some quick words of advice. People are haters, and the military community is small. You get caught at the bar, mall, or strip club on your newly earned day off, you could be in a world of hurt as your new assigned place of duty is now where ever you call home.

Can you think of any others? Comment below.
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13 best military memes for the week of Dec. 23

Look, if you’re not on Christmas block leave or libo or whatever your branch calls it by now, then you’re probably not going on it.


Let’s all just sit together with the funny military memes and try not to imagine what all those people with Christmas trees and matching pajamas are doing right now.

1. It’s the only dessert made up of 50 percent sadness (via Coast Guard Memes).

11 things you should send the FNG find
The culinary specialists really know how to make it feel like home.

2. Gotta hit the ground running (via Air Force Memes Humor).

11 things you should send the FNG find
Welcome to the Air Force, with a vengeance.

3. That yellow bird is tired of your cadence calls (via Awesome Sh*t My Drill Sergeant Said).

11 things you should send the FNG find
First, the mice. Then, the Corps!

ALSO READ: This C-130 landing on an aircraft carrier will make you rethink physics

4. Stay low on your pushups and avoid burpees (via The Salty Soldier).

11 things you should send the FNG find
Hopefully, the tall fellow will take the hit and absorb most of the blast.

5. Dig deep, everyone (via Air Force amn/nco/snco).

11 things you should send the FNG find
The Air Force wants to at least get a laugh when you hurt their feelings.

6. Saving more Lincoln’s than a private box seat (via Sh-t My Recruiter Said).

11 things you should send the FNG find
Just in time for Christmas, too.

7. Congrats on your restored ratings, Navy!

(via Sh-t my LPO says)

11 things you should send the FNG find
Now, we are all one with the Rates.

8. Don’t necessarily want to fight another nation, but it would be super nice to have clear target identification (via Pop smoke).

11 things you should send the FNG find

9. Remember to do some pushups between desserts over holiday leave (via The Salty Soldier).

11 things you should send the FNG find
Plus five burpees per present on Christmas morning.

10. If you think throwing up double birds when PCSing is fun, just wait till you ETS (via Lost in the Sauce).

11 things you should send the FNG find
This one goes out to my first brigade CSM.

11. When you’re not about that Rack City life (via Sh-t my LPO says).

11 things you should send the FNG find
Not sure I can come up with 956 names.

12. In their defense, the table looks super stable (via Military World).

11 things you should send the FNG find
I hope they were getting ready for a safety powerpoint.

13. Oooh, how will you survive?

(via Decelerate Your Life)

11 things you should send the FNG find
Does the Air Force only use two fingers for their knife hands? It’s like a stiletto hand or something.

Secret bonus meme 1: My Coast Guard contacts have assured me that this is brilliant (via Coast Guard Memes).

11 things you should send the FNG find

Secret bonus meme 2: Really, guys? This is literally an entire football field. Including the end zones (via Maintainer Humor).

11 things you should send the FNG find

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