Entertainment Humor

7 military-inspired fashion lines ‘critiqued’ by a veteran

Much to the surprise of nearly everyone who's actually in the military and doesn't give a damn about looking fashionable, apparently military-style is <a href="https://theimpression.com/military-effect-fashion-trend-spring-2018/" rel="noopene…
Eric Milzarski Avatar

Much to the surprise of nearly everyone who’s actually in the military and doesn’t give a damn about looking fashionable, apparently military-style is en vogue right now. And I’m not talking about your standard pilot’s jacket, pea coat, or camo pattern, but full O.D. green, black, and khaki everything.

For the most part, designers are putting a creative twist on existing uniforms rather than just wearing standard-issue. This isn’t to avoid being called out for stolen valor, but rather because uniforms as they are now are tacky when mixed with designer jeans.

Veterans have spent enough time in uniform to be experts on them, so it’s only fair that we critique their nods to our style.

7. Colecao – Inverno 2018 RTW

This is what I’m talking about when I say they’re twisting uniforms to work with designer jeans. Honestly, this outfit would be fine if it wasn’t for the backpack and the outer belt making it just… goofy.

Hats off to them for coming up with a patch bigger than the 1st Cavalry Division.

(Image via Pinterest)

6. Marcelo Burlon – Spring 2018 Men’s Fashion Show

Not only does the camo everything make this outfit look like a full-body Hawaiian shirt, but the urban, greyscale camo pattern kind of died with early 2000’s rap videos.

Can’t knock it too much, at least his pants are bloused…

(Image via Pinterest)

5. Zadig Voltaire – Spring 2018 New York Fashion Week

One common complaint about the transition from U.S. Army BDUs to ACUs was that they felt too comfy and were like pajamas. This one takes that a step further.

Undone top, shades, shower shoes, AND hands in the pocket? Yep. It’s a spot-on representation of an off-duty E-4 during a deployment.

(Image via Glamour Magazine)

4. Moschino – Moschino 2017 Fall/Winter Collection

The oil-slick leaf pattern doesn’t make much sense and the leather vest is just thrown in for no reason.

The beret does imitate a military beret worn by a Private before their squad laughs it off them.

(Image via Moschino)

3. Boris Bidjan Saberi – BBS Spring 2018 Collection

I can’t tell if this one is supposed to be from the military collection or the post-apocalyptic collection.

Good on him for remembering his eyepro!

(Image via Vogue)

2. Sankuanz – 2018 Paris LIVE Fashion

The most practical out of all of these has to be a camo hoodie and what seems to be a woobie kilt.

This is how every soldier looks after their platoon sergeant has been pounding on their barracks door, but they were in the busy with the guest they didn’t sign in to staff duty.

(Image via Pinterest)

1. Defile Desquared – Automne Fall 2017-2018 Fashion Show

What makes a military uniform military-esque? Patches. How do you out-military every other fashion designer? Overload your jacket with patches!

The patches aren’t what makes this at the top of the list. No. It’s the idea that anyone in the military would wear such a goofy hat.

(Image via Pinterest)