Netflix subscribers on a trip outside the U.S. are sometimes surprised to find their accounts are blocked while overseas, primarily due to licensing issues. Some content is only licensed to the streaming service for viewers inside the United States (or is restricted in certain countries). And, by the way, Netflix is known to add users who circumvent the site’s security to blacklists.
In 2015, Netflix announced it would block Virtual Private Networks (VPN), which allow viewers from overseas to view the site and its contents as if they were in the United States. This week, the site announced it would start a heavy crackdown on those users. Here are a few of the military/war movies those subscribers won’t be able to watch:
This is Sebastian Junger and Tim Hetherington’s war documentary masterpiece featuring the U.S. Army’s Second Platoon, B Company, 2nd Battalion, 503rd Infantry Regiment, 173rd Airborne Brigade Combat Team in the Korengal Valley of Afghanistan. The film (and the outpost defended in the film) is named after Pvt. 1st. Class Juan Sebastián Restrepo, a medic killed earlier in the deployment. Four years later, Junger would make another film, Korengal, which would pick up where Restrepo left off. Korengal is also on Netflix.
Here’s a military movie that requires no introduction and no explanation outside of a volleyball scene. This is a flick that probably guaranteed the Navy wouldn’t have to put any money into recruiting pilots for the rest of eternity. If the United States ever falls as a civilization, archeologists in future millennia are going to wonder where they can sign up.
The Civil War
The documentary series and style that allowed Ken Burns to turn a blowup and motion effect into a career is on Netflix in its’ entirety. Also on the streaming service is Burns’ epic-scaled but fairly “meh” World War II documentary in the same vein, called The War.
Five wounded post-9/11 veterans have the opportunity to explore their experiences through humor. The film follows them and their work with professional comedians Zach Galifianakis, Lewis Black, Bob Saget, and B.J. Novak, who help them write and perform their own personal stand-up routines. One vet refers to the Iraq War as “a pretty aggressive study abroad program.”
This is a film about vigilante groups fighting drug cartels in the Mexican Drug Wars. The most shocking part of Cartel Land is that its a documentary, and you can see the characters and events unfold as they did in the real world. It garnered a 94% audience rating on Rotten Tomatoes and is currently nominated for an Academy Award. It will also probably inspire Bundy clan copycats to take to the Arizona desert to “help” the U.S. Border Patrol keep ‘Murica free of invaders.
No one really needs an introduction to Forrest Gump. People still quote this movie to death in lame jokes and it’s now more than a decade old. It makes this list because of Gump’s Army service in Vietnam and Gary Sinise’s epic portrayal of Lieutenant Dan Taylor.
The Unknown Known
How do you feel about former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld? Master documentarian Errol Morris’s 2014 film will either infuriate you or soften your feelings toward the lifelong government official with the most punchable face.
Beasts of No Nation
Netflix made a foray into conflict films this year with its critical hit Beasts of No Nation, starring Idris Elba as a warlord recruiting child soldiers to fight in a civil war in Liberia. The government of a West African country falls as the warlords forces attack a village under international protection. A young boy named Agu flees after his father is shot and is captured by the NDF rebel guerillas. Do not watch this film with kids, teenagers, anyone with emotions, or anyone who expects to not be traumatized.
Team America: World Police
Few movies are as epic as Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s Team America. If you’re a post-9/11 military veteran and haven’t seen this film, you must have been in such a secret squirrel MOS that the military kept you under a rock.
Less of a military movie and more of a horror movie in a military setting, Ravenous feature Guy Pearce visiting a remote U.S. Army outpost in post-Civil War California, a base full of the worst Blue Falcons of all time. Also featuring the worst trailer ever made for a decent film. Seriously, it looks like a fan trailer.
Bonus: TV Shows
Perfect viewing for anyone who ever wanted to pretend Catherine Bell was like the typical military spouse. I think the Army missed an opportunity here. There was never a better recruiting tool.
This is what we who grew up watching this show always hoped a real deployment would be like. If U.S. troops were allowed to build liquor distilleries in their barracks, we’d all become amateur engineers. Sadly, deployments are nothing like this
Five seasons of everyone who matters’ favorite secret agent for hire lives on Netflix, with the sixth season coming (phrasing!).
It was only a matter of time before the Fast & Furious franchise went full superhero. While the original F & F was mostly grounded in reality, with each subsequent sequel, the franchise has raced further and further away from anything resembling the real world. And now, it looks like we are finally taking the leap with Hobbs & Shaw, as the latest trailer revels in the superhuman capabilities of its titular leads.
The trailer opens with Hobbs (played by Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson) and Shaw (played by Jason Statham) nonchalantly taking down about a dozen henchmen. The two seem bored by the mundane task of beating the shit out of bad guys, with Hobbs even taunting Shaw by yawning as he takes on a dozen armed men.
Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw – Official Trailer #2 [HD]
From there, the action only ramps up and based on the trailer, it looks like Hobbs and Shaw are using this trailer as an audition tape to join the Avengers and honestly, who says no? Sure, neither of them technically have superpowers but neither do half of the Avengers and would it really be shocking to see these two statuesque demi-gods fighting alongside Captain America and Iron Man? Just throwing it out there.
Along with providing all the clever quips and over-the-top ass whoopings we could ask for, the newest trailer also provides more details about the plot of Hobbs Shaw. Brixton (played by reigning Sexiest Man Alive Idris Elba) establishes himself as the Thanos of this universe, as he is trying to get his hands on a virus that could wipe out half the planet. But this extreme method of population control was taken from him by Shaw’s sister Hattie (Vanessa Kirby) and unsurprisingly, this does not make Brixton happy. And the first trailer showed us that when Brixton is unhappy, he kills people.
So with Hattie, along with 3.5 billion other people, in mortal danger, it’s up to Shaw and Hobbes to set aside their differences and go from enemies to frenemies. And honestly? We wouldn’t be surprised if, by the end of the movie, they make the full transition to friends. Though hopefully, that doesn’t mean the two stop bickering, as their odd couple dynamic remains as charming as ever in this trailer, especially the moment where Shaw has the gall to call Hobbes “fat boy.”
Our only complaint? While we get a briefly glimpse of Helen Miren as Shaw’s mother, we don’t get to see her kick any ass or at least blow some shit up. But hopefully, they’re saving that for the movie.
Hobbs and Shaw will be released on July 26, 2019.
This article originally appeared on Fatherly. Follow @FatherlyHQ on Twitter.
To give some perspective, The Simpsons is older than Operation Desert Storm. Troops who enlisted when the show started are able to retire from the armed forces now. After 27 seasons, a show known for its originality is bound to have some characters join the military, develop veteran characters, or otherwise live out some military-related mayhem.
The Simpsons hometown of Springfield is located near a historic battlefield site, where (apparently) during the Civil War, Fort Springfield saw a bit of the action.
But when the government closed Fort Springfield in the modern day, it forced a lot of local businesspeople to pack up their trades and services and move to places where their services would be more popular.
The military was central to many more episodes and it started in the first season with Bart the General. Since then, Homer and his friends have joined the Navy, Grandpa recalled his WWII exploits, Bart was an unwitting recruiting tool for the Navy, Lisa visited a “Dodgers of Foreign Wars” office in Canada, Maggie was shown to be an expert marksman, and Principal Skinner hinted at dark periods in Vietnam.
Bart the General – Season 1, Episode 5
After Bart defends Lisa from bully Nelson Muntz at school, Bart takes her place as Nelson’s favorite target. When Bart becomes sick of getting beaten up every day, he enlists the help of Grandpa Simpson and an unbalanced military antique store owner named Herman Hermann.
Bart organizes the kids of the schoolyard to fight Nelson and his bully friends (who are not Jimbo, Dolph, or Kearny) with a massive, nonstop barrage of water balloons. Nelson surrenders to Bart’s forces and signs a treaty ending hostilities between them.
Best Line – Abe Simpson: “Bart, you can push them out of a plane, you can march them off a cliff, you can send them off to die on some God-forsaken rock, but for some reason, you can’t slap them.“
Bart vs. Australia – Season 6, Episode 16
Bart makes prank calls to Australia and is forced to go there in person to apologize. While there, they stay at the American embassy.
Best Line: Bruno Dundridge: “Hey, you’re just some punk kid, aren’t you? Well, you picked the wrong guy to tangle with, mate!”
Bart: “I don’t think so. You’re all the way over in Australia. Hey, I think I hear a dingo eating your baby.”
Sideshow Bob’s Last Gleaming – Season 7, Episode 9
Bart’s nemesis Sideshow Bob escapes from a prison work detail on a local Air Force Base. While the base is being cleaned for an air show, Bob dresses up like the base commander and sneaks into a top secret area to steal a 10-megaton nuclear weapon.
Bob demands Springfield give up television completely or face a nuclear explosion. The town complies until Krusty the Clown finds a Civil Defense shed and uses the transmitter to gain 100% of the audience. Bob’ detonates the bomb, but it’s a dud, so he steals the Wright Brothers’ original plane an launches a kamikaze attack on Bob’s shed, keeping Bart as a hostage. The attack is also a dud and Bob is arrested again.
Best Line – Abe Simpson: “You’re ignorant! That’s the Wright Brothers’ plane! At Kitty Hawk in 1903, Charles Lindbergh flew it 15 miles on a thimble full of corn oil. Single-handedly won us the civil war, it did!”
Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in ‘The Curse of the Flying Hellfish’ – Season 7, Episode 22
In this episode we learn about Grandpa Simpson’s World War II service. His unit, the Flying Hellfish, included Mr. Burns and a few other guys from Springfield. They found some valuable paintings in Germany, locked them away, and established a tontine. The last person alive from their unit would inherit the riches.
Mr. Burns and Abe Simpson are the only two left, and Mr. Burns keeps trying to kill Grandpa. With Homer’s help, they resolve to get the treasure before Burns does. Bart retrieves the treasure from its undersea hiding place, but is intercepted by Burns. They chase Burns to shore only to be caught by the police and the paintings returned to their rightful owner.
Best Line –
Homer: “Maybe it’s time we put Grandpa in a home.“
Lisa: “You already put him in a home.“
Bart: “Maybe it’s time we put him in one where he can’t get out.“
The Secret War of Lisa Simpson – Season 8, Episode 25
In response to Bart’s latest prank, Marge and Homer trick him into the car by telling him they’re going to Disneyland. Instead, he’s shipped off to military school. Lisa decides to go against the academy tradition and attend alongside Bart. She likes the structure and tough curriculum of the Rommelwood Military School, but is immediately rejected by the all-male cadre of students as the first female attendee.
Bart is a “born soldier” but Lisa struggles with the physical aspects of the training. The last test of the academy is a challenge called “The Eliminator,” which Lisa dreads but must finish. Bart helps train her in secret. When Lisa almost falls off during the test, Bart is the only one who encourages her and she finished second grade. She passes and Marge and Homer tell them they’re going to Disneyland, they get in the car to find out they’re just going to the dentist.
Best Line – RangeInstructor [to Bart]: “Since you’ve already attended public school, we’re assuming you’ve already had experience with small arms. So we’re gonna give you something a little more advanced.“
The Principal and the Pauper – Season 9, Episode 2
Widely regarded as one of the worst episodes ever made and later completely ignored by the canon of the show, this episode features war movie legend Martin Sheen as the real Principal Skinner, and the man we know as Principal Skinner named Armin Tamzarian who assumed Skinner’s identity after Vietnam when he couldn’t break the news to his mother that Skinner died.
Armin is convinced to return to Springfield after every one in town realizes they don’t care for the real Sgt. Skinner, whom the residents tie to a chair and put on a train out of town. The local judge orders the fake Skinner to resume his identity theft and order everyone never to talk about it again.
Best Line – Homer [In his mind, after Skinner says he’s a fraud]: “Keep looking shocked… and move slowly towards the cake.“
Simpson Tide – Season 9, Episode 19
After causing a meltdown trying to mutate a doughnut into a giant doughnut in the plant’s reactor core, Homer decides to enlist in the Navy Reserve after seeing a recruiting ad on TV. Moe, Barney, and Apu join him. They soon graduate from the Naval academy and are placed aboard a nuclear submarine in a war games exercise, under the command of Captain Tenille.
The captain likes Homer and leaves him in command when he goes to check a torpedo hatch. Another sub fires on Homer’s and Homer accidentally fires Captain Tenille back at them. Homer accidentally leads the sub to Russian waters and the U.S. interprets this as a mutiny with intent to defect. The Russian government reveals they’ve secretly been the Soviet Union the whole time and the sub incident almost leads to nuclear war. After the incident Homer receives a dishonorable discharge.
Best Line – Homer: “You can’t spell ‘dishonorable’ without ‘honorable.‘”
New Kids on the Blecch – Season 12, Episode 14
A music producer discovers Bart, Nelson, Milhouse, and Ralph Wiggum’s musical abilities and sets them up as the next hot boy band, Party Posse. Their first single is called Drop Da Bomb. The song has a strange lyric as the hook: Yvan Eht Nioj.
Lisa discovers the video contains subliminal messages to get people to join the Navy, which is just Yvan Eht Nioj backward. The band is a Navy recruiting operation, Project Boy Band. N’Sync guest stars in the episode and explains how the Navy protects people every day. They then give JC Chasez to the Navy as an enlistee.
This is the episode that either made people believe The Simpsons predicted the Arab Spring uprising in Syria OR that the show and the Syrian Civil War is part of a larger, Western, anti-Muslim conspiracy. The reason is because a flag shown on the side of a vehicle in one of Party Posse’s music videos looks a lot like the Free Syrian Army flag.
Best Line – Homer: “It doesn’t mean anything, it’s like ‘Rama Lama Ding Dong’ or ‘Give Peace a Chance.’“
The Bart of War – Season 14, Episode 21
Because of some of Bart’s badder behavior, Marge establishes a teen group called Pre-Teen Braves, based on Native American culture. The group includes Bart, Ralph Wiggum, Nelson, and Database. Homer starts out as leader, but Marge soon takes over because of Homer’s leadership failures. With the help of a Mohican man, they are inspired to clean up a field, but find another group, called the Cavalry Kids have already done it. The Cavalry Kids are led by Kirk van Houten, and include Milhouse, Martin Prince and Jimbo Jones.
This inspires a race to see who can do the most community service work, and when the Braves keep the Cavalry from getting to Springfield Isotopes Stadium on time to be bat boys for the team, the Braves take their place, and a battle ensues over singing the national anthem. The Sea Captain suggests they stop fighting and sing a nation anthem of peace, so the crowd sings “O Canada.”
Best Line – “War is not the answer, except to all of America’s problems.”
The Wettest Stories Ever Told – Season 17, Episode 18
This episode is three short stories depicting the citizens of Springfield in three classic ocean-going tales. The second of these is a retelling of the Mutiny on the Bounty, featuring Principal Skinner as the Bounty’s Captain Bligh, and Bart as Master’s Mate and chief mutineer Fletcher Christian.
Like the old story goes, the crew was given treatment much different from what they expected and so they mutiny, going instead to an island of natives and marrying into the tribe while setting Captain Bligh and his bosun adrift.
Best Line – Captain Bligh: “First of all, in an effort to save water, you will no longer be given any water. And because of a drawing of myself having a romantic congress with a merman… (the crew laughs)… I am dumping all your mail out to sea.”
G.I. D’oh- Season 18, Episode 5
Army recruiters try to recruit Jimbo, Dolph and Kearney but they realize that the teenagers of Springfield are too smart to want to join the Army, so they go to Springfield Elementary School to trick kids into signing Delayed Entry Program so when they are old enough, they will automatically be enlisted. Marge is horrified and she sends Homer to the recruiter. Homer forces them to tear up Bart’s pre-enlistment contract, but they convince him to join instead.
Homer’s Colonel hates him and assigns him to the opposing forces team during an upcoming war game. OPFOR is filled with undesirable recruits and the Army uses actual ammo instead of blanks with the intent to kill the OPFOR. Homer and his forces escape to Springfield during the exercise and the Army orders an invasion of the town, declaring martial law.
The Colonel starts detaining all men who are “Fat, or bald, or have ever been amused by the antics of Homer Simpson.” Marge leads an insurgency against the occupiers. She spikes the town reservoir with alcohol, resulting an a hangover which makes the Colonel surrender.
Best Line(s) –
Marge: “Homer, our son joined the army!”
Homer: “Yeah, big deal. By the time Bart is 18, we’re gonna control the world… We’re China, right?”
Principal Skinner: “I’d do anything for my beloved Army.”
Serving in the Marine Corps infantry is one of the toughest jobs there is. From deploying every other year to completing the rigorous training required to hold the “03” MOS, the infantry is full of badasses. In the Marines, each infantry squad typically consists of a platoon leader, a squad leader, three fire team leaders, three SAW gunners, six riflemen, and a hospital corpsman.
A while back, we ran a similar story in which we hand-picked our top choices from fiction for each role and made a squad. You guys had a lot to say about our selections. The response was so freakin’ epic that we decided to create this article in your honor, using the choices you made in the comments.
So, check out all the great characters that made the cut. You guys picked some incredible, iconic badasses — well done!
Your platoon leader: Maj. Payne
This Marine leads from the front and has an extremely effective method for taking your mind off a physical ailment — he’ll break your finger.
Your company gunny: Bob Lee Swagger
He’s an ace sharpshooter with a sniper rifle and will go through hell or high water to defeat corruption. That’s why he made your fictional infantry squad.
Your squad leader: Carwood Lipton
This soldier was a real-life badass. His on-screen depiction in HBO’s Band of Brothers showcased his heroics and landed him in the hearts of our audience.
On D-Day, Richard Todd was one of the paratroopers who took part in the capture of Pegasus Bridge. Todd had parachuted in after the original assault and helped reinforce the British Army’s Oxfordshire and Buckinghamshire Light Infantry led by Maj. John Howard.
Little did Todd know at the time that he would find himself portraying that same British commander when legendary director Daryl Zanuck was making Cornelius Ryan’s book “The Longest Day” into an epic movie.
Imdb.com reports that Todd was very nearly killed on D-Day. He had been assigned to a new plane. The switch was a fortunate one since his original transport was shot down by the Nazis, killing all aboard. A 2004 article by the London Guardian reported that Todd’s D-Day involved making his way to Pegasus Bridge, reinforcing Howard’s unit, and helping to fend off German attacks on the bridge while under Howard’s command until seaborne forces linked up with the paratroopers.
Todd never discussed his actions on D-Day. However, in his memoirs, “Caught in the Act,” he would write, “There was no cessation in the Germans’ probing with patrols and counter-attacks, some led by tanks, and the regimental aid post was overrun in the early hours. The wounded being tended there were all killed where they lay. There was sporadic enemy mortar and artillery fire we could do nothing about. One shell landed in a hedge near me, killing a couple of our men.”
By 1962, Richard Todd had become a well-known actor, with his most notable role having been Wing Commander Guy Gibson in the 1954 movie, “The Dam Busters.” Todd had also starred in “D-Day, the Sixth of June” three years later as the leader of a commando group sent to take out German guns.
When he was asked to play himself in “The Longest Day,” he demurred, admitting his own role in the invasion had been a small part. The London Telegraph quoted him as saying, “I did not do anything special that would make a good sequence.” Zanuck, determined to have Todd in the film, cast him as Howard instead.
“The Longest Day” was one of Todd’s last big roles, as British cinema moved in a very different direction in the 1960s. He still found work acting, narrating the series “Wings over the World” for AE Television and appearing in several “Doctor Who” episodes, among other roles.
Todd would die on Dec. 3, 2009, after having been named a member of the Order of the British Empire in 1993. Below is the trailer for “The Longest Day.”
Michael Myers is once again on the hunt for Laurie Strode in Halloween, the 40-year sequel that confusingly shares its title with the original film. And before you head to the theater to witness Myers wreak some suburban havoc, you may want to revisit a few of the original eight Halloween films, even with the knowledge that only the first film is now considered canon. Here is where you can stream every Halloween movie, from the iconic original to the seven mediocre sequels that follow.
Widely considered the foundation of modern horror, this John Carpenter classic is every bit as scary today as it was 40 years ago. So if you want to have trouble sleeping for the next few nights, you can rent (.99) or buy (.99) the original Halloweenon Amazon Prime and stream it tonight.
Halloween II (1981)
From here on out, we have left the official Halloween canon, as the upcoming film is ignoring the seven Halloween sequels, with good reason. While the first Halloween is one of the most celebrated horror movies ever made, the sequels are decidedly less so. And it all began with this clunky sequel, which makes the unnecessary family tree connection between Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) and Michael Myers (Dick Warlock). But if you love bad horror, you can stream Halloween II on Hulu.
Halloween III: Season of the Witch (5/10) Movie CLIP – Test Room A (1982) HD
While Halloween II was a confusing misstep, Season of the Witch is when it became clear studio executives were more than happy to destroy this franchise to make a few bucks. The movie is a part of the Halloween franchise in name only, as Myers and Strode are nowhere to be found in this forgettable flick. If you really want to test your tolerance for terrible horror, you can rent (.99) or buy (.99) Halloween III: Season of the Witch on Amazon Prime and stream it tonight.
Halloween IV: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)
Cinema’s most terrifying killer may have returned but he forgot to bring back quality story-telling and genuine tension with him. Myers is officially a supervillain in this movie and his greatest power seems to be destroying a beloved franchise. If you are a masochist, you can rent (.99) or buy (.99) Halloween IV: The Return of Michael Myers on iTunes and stream it tonight.
Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)
The less said about this movie, the better. Revenge of Michael Myers is most commonly referenced as the worst film in the Halloween franchise, which is impressive considering the fact that basically every Halloween movie except the original is a flaming pile of garbage. If you hate happiness, you can rent (.99) or buy (.99) Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers on iTunes and stream it tonight.
Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)
Much like the titular character, Halloween finds a way to come back to life even when its own terrible quality seemingly forces it into the grave. Six years after the abysmal Revenge comes Curse and you probably already know where this is going: This movie is terrible. If you have lost all hope, you can rent (id=”listicle-2612882044″.99) Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers on YouTube and stream it tonight.
Halloween H20 Twenty Years Later Official Trailer #1 (1998) – Jamie Lee Curtis, Josh Hartnett HD
By 1998, the Halloween franchise seemed to be long past its prime but against all odds, Myers made a comeback with this sequel, which wisely circumvented the nonsense of Halloweens III-VI and framed itself as a direct sequel to the second Halloween movie, which was bad as opposed to terrible. The result? This movie isn’t good by any means but it may be the second best in the franchise so far, with the much-welcomed return of Scream Queen Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode. If you are a fan of adequate horror, you can rent (.99) or buy (.99) Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers on Amazon Prime and stream it tonight.
Halloween: Resurrection (2002)
While H20 seemed to be a return to form for Myers, this sequel derailed the Halloween franchise to the extent that it was rebooted by Rob Zombie five years later. The eighth chapter of the Halloween story stars Busta Rhymes and Tyra Banks and is nonsense from start to finish. If you want to watch a franchise nearly destroy itself, you can rent (.99) or buy (.99) Halloween: Resurrection on Amazon Prime and stream it tonight.
This article originally appeared on Fatherly. Follow @FatherlyHQ on Twitter.
Carl Reiner, the comedic presence that was know for various roles across many generations passed away yesterday at the age of 98 according to a statement from his son, Rob Reiner via Twitter.
Reiner’s career spanned decades from TV to the movies and gave us all millions of laughs along the way. But before his legendary Hollywood career, Reiner, like many from his great generation served our country during one of its darkest hours and put a smile on soldiers’ faces while doing it.
Reiner was born in the Bronx, New York, in 1922 to an immigrant Jewish family. In 1943, Reiner joined the Army Air Forces. He was originally slated to be a radio operator but contracted pneumonia and was sent to the hospital to recover for several months.
After recuperating, Reiner was sent to train as a French translator. While there at Georgetown, he got his first taste of directing. After learning French, the Army decided to send Carl to the next best logical place…Hawaii. There, he worked as a teletype operator. One day before he was to be shipped off on assignment, he saw a Special Services production of Hamlet. He managed to do a quick audition and was immediately transferred into Special Services himself. He spent the rest of the war touring the South Pacific while performing for GIs in places like Guam, Saipan and Iwo Jima. He was honorably discharged as a corporal in 1946.
Reiner later wrote about his time in the military, including his famous audition and how his buddies almost got court martialed for passing on a message that Japan surrendered three days early.
After his time in military service, Reiner started two enduring partnerships. He was cast to work with Sid Caesar in “Your Show of Shows.” While working with Caesar, he also met another World War II veteran who was a writer on the show. Mel Brooks and Reiner hit it off and began a partnership that culminated in the legendary routine, “The 2000 Year Old Man.” The routine made its way into five comedy albums, numerous TV show appearances and an animated series.
2000 Year Old Man Mel Brooks Carl Reiner Hollywood Palace 1966
Reiner also started working on a show based on his life. It was later turned into the massively popular Dick Van Dyke Show. He worked as a writer but also started cutting his teeth as a director. He worked on two incredible comedies, “Oh God” and “The Jerk” starring Steve Martin. Reiner directed and/or co-wrote three other Steve Martin films, helping him when his career took up in the late 70s.
The Jerk (7/10) Movie CLIP – He Hates These Cans! (1979) HD
It’s that time of year when everyone turns on their TVs, sits down with a nice bowl of popcorn, and gets a little spooky. That horror flick you’re watching for the 13th time isn’t throwing any curve balls. Obviously, the supernatural killer with a highly marketable mask/face is going to slay those oblivious teenagers who’ve never heard of strength in numbers.
But there’s one glaringly stupid trope that happens in nearly every zombie film or show ever made.
At one point, the lone survivor of the group ends up stumbling across the remains of what used to be a military unit. Turns out, the odds are so stacked against mankind that even the world’s best-trained fighters didn’t stand a chance against a swarm of undead monsters. Our protagonist then arms themselves with the leftover military gear and sets off in search of a more pleasant ending.
In reality, however, this just wouldn’t happen. Not in a million years. In fact, it’s more difficult to find a single scenario in which the zombies did stand a chance against the U.S. Armed Forces. — but we tried, anyway. Let’s take a look at what kind of damage those lifeless shamblers could do, given a perfect scenario, before taking yet another trip to the dirt.
There are countless different types of zombies, depending on the fiction to which you subscribe, but, in all likelihood, the U.S. military actually does have a plan to counter each and every one of them outlined in CONPLAN 8888. From your standard Romero/Walking Dead zombies to the 28 Days Later, rage-virus zombies to voodoo zombies to, hell, even the Plants vs. Zombies zombies, all accounted for. Sure, each plan may be written by a bored staff officer as part of a clearly tongue-in-cheek thought experiment, but it’s still official military doctrine.
But for the sake of this article, we’re going to need to make a few assumptions:
First, we’re going to stick with the standard zombies — you know, the slow, shuffling type you’re used to seeing in pop culture.
Second, we’re going to face those zombies off against the military at its lowest level of self-sufficient operations: a battalion-sized force. Shy of any single platoon going on a patrol, military commanders would never spread their units any thinner than this in such a dire emergency. A battalion has enough of every type of support troop to keep the operation moving along until they can reconnect with a larger force.
Finally, the zombies are going to exclusively face infantrymen in engagements because once you add the might of an A-10 Warthog or an Abrams tank, it’s just unfair. In the event of an actual world-ending apocalypse at the hands of brain-eating zombies, the military has thousands upon thousands of vehicles that wouldn’t take a scratch from corpse claws.
So, a battalion of infantrymen it is.
There are only a handful of ways that the zombies could ever gain a tactical advantage: surprise or vastly superior numbers. Both are lost after a battalion sets up a perimeter and holds off an area. The U.S. Army has finely honed an ability to create a fully functional forward operating base in just 72 hours. This time frame is good anywhere in the world. That number would presumably be even lower if said base was needed near an existing military installation and they have the means to production.
There will be guards posted at every angle of approach, so there’s no way any zombies could get past the constant guard duty. Even their number advantage is negated when impenetrable barriers are placed. Given enough zombies, they could probably push down a chain-linked fence, but the military makes good use of hastily-made and ready-to-go Hesco Barriers and concrete T-walls. This impassable wall would force any attacking zombies into a funnel, moving towards the one and only entrance, which we can assume is heavily guarded.
If the zombies fail to overrun the troops in those first 72 hours, their only bet is to pick them off slowly as they patrol outward. Even then, the outcome doesn’t look so great for the visitors.
Troops live by the military strategy of asymmetrical warfare, meaning that there’s no such thing as “fair fight” in war. Since zombies are a clear-cut bad guy that troops have been itching to fight, don’t expect them to go easy on ’em just because they’re slow. Even pitting one troop against a swarm of the undead would likely end in favor of the living. Not only are Zombies slow, they also tend to stack up their weak points (the head, for those who’ve never seen a movie before) in a nice row, all lined up for a rain of machine gun fire.
But let’s pretend that the troops and the zombies play a game of attrition and see who lasts the longest. The troops would still win. Depending on weather conditions, a lifeless body left outside starts decomposing in about 24 hours and turns to goop after about a month. So, supplies, both scavenged and rationed, for a month? The military knows logistics.
Okay, let’s say they don’t decompose while “alive.” The only thing troops would need a constant replenishment of is food, and there are MREs left in Connexes found all over military installations. The shelf life of an MRE in moderate conditions is five years.
The Star Wars train is still rolling along and the toy shelves are filled with those freaking adorably annoying porgs (as a true Star Wars fan, I personally hope that they don’t become the new Jar-Jar).
A while back, we touched on the downside of being a Stormtrooper and why they have it worst. Now, let’s look at why the rebels are a very close second.
In the The Force Awakens, Finn left the previously mentioned terrible First Order and joined the Resistance, a successor to the Rebellion in all but name. The poor guy doesn’t even know that he just traded one terrible assignment for another.
At least Stormtroopers had a few things going for them, such as armor, reliable gear, force of numbers…
The rebels out “fighting the good fight” had next to nothing in nearly everything.
Here’s why it sucks to be a rebel:
1. Very little funding…
Good will can take you a long way against an evil empire, but you still need financing.
Those blasters aren’t just going to buy themselves. Historically, rebellions (in our galaxy) have been financed via a combination of three sources: Other governments, wealthy sympathizers, or outright stealing what they needed.
There aren’t really many options for the Rebel Alliance as far as governments or sympathizers go. When the Galactic Empire called themselves the Galactic Empire, they meant it. Nearly every government in the galaxy fell underneath Emperor Palpatine’s control.
You can’t just turn to the Hutt-controlled space in the Outer Rim for financing because scum and villainy just don’t care about noble causes. The rebels did have an extremely wealthy donor in Bail Organa (Princess Leia’s adoptive father)…but he and his wealth were destroyed on Alderaan.
So, if you estimate the Earth’s total combined wealth at $241 trillion in 2014 and multiply that by the god-knows-how-many planets under the Empire’s control, do you think it’s possible to steal enough stuff to stand a reasonable chance against an enemy that rich?
2. …which means little gear and training.
The Stormtroopers had acclimatizing suits that were designed to stop blaster shots. The rebels wore…blue shirts and vests. The Stormtroopers had a blaster rifle that works as a machine gun, rifle, and sniper rifle. The rebels stole a few of the same. The Empire had massive fleets of TIE fighters and pilots at their disposal. The Rebels had outdated X-Wings with only a handful of pilots.
And it keeps going on.
3. They’re painted as the villain – because some are.
The problem with being the Rebel Alliance was that it was loosely-formed from many rebels doing their own thing. This was most prominent during the events of Rogue One, where the rebels struggled to keep Saw Gerrera from giving the wrong impression of what the rebellion means.
It’s not too clear how the average citizen of the Galactic Empire feels about the rebellion. The closest we get in the films is when Luke talked about joining the Imperial flight program, and no one reacted as if the Imperials were the bad guys.
Albeit, their opinions did change after the destruction of Alderaan.
4. Little to no chain of command.
Sure, the pilots get fancy pep talks and are often given commands, but that barely constitutes good advice, let alone a real military order.
Take the Battle of Hoth, for instance. One of the three major rebel bases was under attack and needed to be evacuated. The duty of making sure everyone made it out alive fell entirely on the shoulders of a princess who hadn’t demonstrated any military capabilities until that point.
There were actual generals there, and yet her plan to fly weaponless transport ships full of high ranking officers directly at the enemies didn’t raise a red flag to anyone.
Even still, most rebels just acted on their own free will rather than having some actual military decorum. What would you expect from a chain of command that was literally made up of six officer ranks?
Which leads us to…
5. Rank makes no sense.
Case in point: Han Solo. A man who laughed at the Rebellion eventually gave in and helped his new friend. He flew in at the last minute, shot out Darth Vader’s TIE fighter, and earned a medal from the Princess. Got it. It makes some sense to why he’d become Captain Solo by the time of the Battle of Hoth.
We can forgive the battlefield commission/promotion to Captain, even if he wasn’t nearly as much help as Skywalker. The real concern is how he got promoted to General before the Battle of Endor. He didn’t really do anything but fly around space before being captured on Cloud City and imprisoned in carbonite.
When he was released and reunited with the Rebel forces, he was automatically granted the rank of General.
In the U.S. military, POWs are promoted with their contemporaries while captured and we stretch things in Star Wars to assume it worked the same way. But seriously? Did enough captains get promoted to general in the span of a year to warrant Han being promoted that quickly?
6. No recognition.
All of that can be explained away as the fighting spirit of the rebellion. Sure, they terrible gear, inexperienced leaders, and wacky organization, but at least you could hold true to the knowledge that they were doing what was right. Too bad the “Empire” turned into the “First Order.”
But your contemporaries will remember you? Right?
Nope. All of that glory went to some civilian contractor (Luke), a seriously unqualified General (Han), and the inexperienced (though highly motivated) adopted daughter of the guy who pays the bills (Leia).
Hollywood does its best to try and capture the essence of what it means to be in the military and transcribes it for a civilian audience in ninety-minute chunks. Sometimes, they fall flat on their face. But, on occasion, there are outstanding moments when they knock it out of the park.
Most big-budget military films often put the focus on the Army or the Marines, leaving the Navy on the sidelines. When sailors do get an opportunity to shine on the silver screen, the glory often goes to the SEALs — or it’s Top Gun. But everyone’s already seen Top Gun and most sailors would roll their eyes if we mentioned it in this list.
In no particular order, here are six awesome films about sailors that you should put on your must-watch list:
As was the case with many of the great war films set in the 1990s after the collapse of Soviet Union, Crimson Tide showcases the “what-if” of the Russian Federation squaring off against the United States in another Bay of Pigs incident.
Denzel Washington stars as the mild-tempered XO to Gene Hackman’s temperamental Captain. The two are at odds with one another on how to prevent World War Three. Fun Fact: Though uncredited, Quentin Tarantino wrote much of the pop-culturey dialogue.
Annapolis is an indie drama that follows Jake Huard (played by James Franco) as he attends the Naval Academy. It’s the story of a poor nobody trying to make it as one of the elite. It kind of toes the line between being a Marine film and a Navy film because it’s never made clear which route he’ll take, but it’s still steeped in Navy traditions.
It tanked at the box office, but eventually found its footing with a home release. The fact that it shows pledges getting hazed upset the Department of the Navy so bad that they called for its boycott. It’s still a great film, in my opinion.
This 1945 musical came out right before the Japanese signed the surrender and put an end to the Second World War. The film follows Gene Kelly and Frank Sinatra as two sailors on liberty in golden-age Hollywood. In this musical comedy, the sailors come across a lost, innocent kid who wants to one day join the Navy himself. Then, the sailors proceed to hit on his aunt.
It’s nice to see that nothing’s changed in the way sailors think since then.
‘Master and Commander’
Set during the Napoleonic Wars, this film is heavily focused on what it means to complete the mission and the importance of safeguarding the welfare of the troops underneath. Russell Crowe’s crew aboard the HMS Surprise are locked in seemingly eternal combat with French privateers.
It was nominated for ten Academy Awards the year it came out, including Best Picture and Best Director, but would lose all but two (Cinematography and Sound Editing) to The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King.
Still one of the best military comedies is Down Periscope. It stars Kelsey Grammer, who plays one of the worst commanders in the Navy and who’s given an even worse crew of submariners who all manage to fail upwards.
It’s packed full of 90s comedians in their prime. It also stars William H. Macy, Rob Schneider, and even a young Patton Oswald.
‘The Hunt for Red October’
What else can be said about The Hunt for Red October? It’s a cinematic masterpiece. If you haven’t seen this one yet, you should honestly clear your evening schedule and watch it today.
Set during the conclusion of the Cold War, Sean Connery plays a Soviet submarine captain and Alec Baldwin is a CIA analyst. Both struggle to find peace while their respective forces do everything in their powers to avoid it. Technically, Patriot Games, Clear and Present Danger, The Sum of All Fears, and Shadow Recruit are all sequels to this masterpiece, but none come close.
If you can think of any that we missed (and there are a lot), feel free to let us know! We’d love to hear it.
The Marvel Cinematic Universe may be entering a new phase on the big screen, but at the same time, a new Disney+ series will be looking back at recent Marvel movie history and imagine what might have happened differently with several of the big heroes.
We’ve known for a while that Disney+ would be adding several new TV shows to the MCU including Loki, WandaVision, and Falcon & Winter Solider. But, of all of these, What If? is the only series that isn’t live-action. But that doesn’t mean it’s any less a part of the MCU. In these alternate animated stories, we’re clearly getting cartoon versions of Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter, and yes, even T’Challa as Star-Lord.
On Sep. 3, 2019, some of these images hit the internet. Though they’ve not officially been released by Marvel, some of this concept art was shown at the D23 convention last month. Here’s what to know about the show’s basic concept.
The show is an anthology series hosted by Jeffrey Wright, who will play a “Watcher,” an alien being that exists outside of regular time in Marvel comics.
Each episode will focus on a different Marvel story, but with an alternate take like “What if…T’Challa became Star-Lord?”
Storylines include Steve Rogers as a WWII-era Iron Man, Peggy Carter as Captain America, and many, many more.
All the big MCU actors will return to provide the voices of their iconic characters.
This article originally appeared on Fatherly. Follow @FatherlyHQ on Twitter.
The real-life “Rocketman,” Ky Michaelson, is the first civilian to build and launch an unmanned rocket into space. He’s working together with his son, Buddy, and entrepreneur Kurt Anderson – “The Rocketboys” – to take his skills to new heights. Ky hopes to become the first amateur to build and launch a fuel-powered, manned space rocket. Along the way, Ky and the Rocketboys built a rocket sled, in which Kurt attempted to break the land/ice speed world record. ‘Homemade Astronauts’ is available to stream Thursday, May 13, on discovery+
What is your favorite thing about rocketry?
Well, I’ve been building rockets ever since I was 13 years old and I’m 82 now. So, just the thrill of it. Developing rockets. Building rockets. We were the first amateurs to put a rocket into space. That was our really big goal at the time. We did that and now we’re looking at doing other things – much bigger.
What sets you apart from your rivals?
I’ve got an old saying: ‘You can’t be beat if you don’t quit,’ and I’m the kind of guy that don’t quit. I’ve been able to do many things in my life. We’ve set 72 state and national speed records with rocket-powered cars and snowmobiles. I just never quit. I keep pounding away until we accomplish what we set out to do. That’s why I’m always confident in our successes. I don’t quit, I keep at it.
What kind of tech do you use in your homemade rockets?
Now-a-days there is all kinds of technology involved in homemade rocketry. We built a lot of solid motors and a lot of liquid motors. I’ve also brought on people that have helped me through the years. Especially with the internet, anything and everything that you want to know, it’s on there. That’s helped a lot. I started out with a chemistry set way back in the 50s not knowing anything. The only thing I knew how to do was make black powder. We progressed from black powder to zinc to sulfur. Then we started to get into liquid motors like hydrogen-peroxide motors and on. I continue to keep getting bigger and bigger in regards of propulsion.
This is extremely dangerous — even to on-lookers. What safety precautions do you take on launch day?
It’s all about distance. The further away you are from something you’re going to be much safer. We don’t have crowds. There are certain laws in effect with the FAA (Federal Aviation Administration); it’s all about safety. Get the right distance you have to be away from everything.
What is it like to work together with your son to achieve your dreams?
That was a really a big thing for me, to be able to work with my son. He’s following in my footsteps. In fact, he’s launching a rather big-sized rocket that he built on his own. I taught my son how to be a perfectionist in what he builds. He’s really intense and he’s really doing a really good job with this. I’m really proud how he’s gone on with this whole thing.
As mentioned in the show, this is not cheap. What is your strategy for fundraising?
(Laughs). I’ve used a lot of my own funds, that’s for sure. We’ve done some promotional things like the GoFast company when we put our rocket into space. They’ve helped fund us a couple of times. I’m always looking for people to help fund [projects]. Up to that point I did most of the funding myself.
Is there anything that you would like to say to the military audience?
If you have a dream, follow that dream and never stop. I’ve lived my life that way. I’ve proven it to be a successful thing all my life. I haven’t just talked about it, I’ve done it. I have an old saying, ‘The harder I work, the luckier I get.’
What’s next for you?
We’ve started to get into other propellants that we’ve never used before. So, we’re mainly working on new propulsion. If you go to our YouTube channel we have over 200 videos or go to my website http://kymichaelson.us/ and see all the things I’ve built over the years.
‘Homemade Astronauts’ is available for streaming Thursday, May 13, on discovery+
Did you know that Tom Hanks is an honorary inductee to the Army Ranger Hall of Fame? Judging by his push ups on the soaking wet Red Carpet at the 2020 Academy Awards, at age 63, he’s definitely still in fighting shape.
Hanks challenged Army Staff Sergeant Bryan Hudson to drop with him to crank out some push ups. A once in a lifetime opportunity, Hudson looked a little surprised, but quickly got down and made his Army buddies (seen cheering in the background) proud. Hanks and Hudson cranked out seven push ups apiece on TV before the camera cut away for commercial.
From another angle, Hanks and Hudson can be seen doing a full 25 push ups, while Hanks can be heard yelling out his count.
Hanks is a huge supporter of the military, participating in charitable giving and honoring service with iconic roles in such movies as Saving Private Ryan and Forest Gump. Hanks also served as Executive Producer alongside Steven Spielberg and Gary Goetzman in the mini-series The Pacific, about World War II.
In their red carpet interview with E! Live, Hanks’ wife, Rita Wilson, discussed her upcoming plans to visit military bases in South Korea.
Hanks was given an honorary induction to the Army Ranger Hall of Fame in 2006. According to their website, “The Ranger Hall of Fame was formed to honor and preserve the spirit and contributions of America’s most extraordinary Rangers. The members of the Ranger Hall of Fame Selection Board take particular care to ensure that only the most extraordinary Rangers are inducted, a difficult mission given the high caliber of all nominees. Their precepts are impartiality, fairness, and scrutiny. Inductees were selected impartially from Ranger units and associations representing each era or Ranger history. Each nominee was subjected to the scrutiny of the Selection Board to ensure the most extraordinary contributions are acknowledged.”
“Honorary induction may be conferred on individuals who have made extraordinary contributions to Ranger units, the Ranger foundation, or the Ranger community in general, but who do not meet the normal criteria of combat service with a Ranger unit or graduation from the U.S. Army Ranger School.”
Just when we thought we couldn’t love Tom Hanks any more than we already do, he goes and challenges a soldier to push ups. Hooah!