There's a voice that talks to pilots in flight. It's not an angel or a god (well, they may talk to pilots too, but we're not talking about them). It's a computer system, usually voiced by a woman, that alerts pilots to everything from they're flying too low to missiles chasing them down. But pilots hate hearing from her.
Believe it or not, movies usually get the alarms and alerts in fighter jets wrong. (I know, this is shocking information coming from a website that once specialized in identifying mistakes in movies like Basic, The Hunt for Red October, and The Marine.) The fact is, the worst alarms are rarely loud chimes or claxons. Setting off a bunch of horns in the cockpit while a pilot is already stressed would create more problems than it solved.
(U.S. Air Force)
Instead, the worst alarms are usually announced by a calm voice. And pilots often hate that voice.
So here, in a nutshell, is what's going on. As engineers started making fourth-generation jet fighters, it became apparent that they needed too many alarms to do it all with lights and sounds. No, it would be much faster and more precise to have a human voice say the exact thing that the pilot needs to know.
And also, experiments had shown that pilots losing consciousness could respond to oral instructions for a longer period than they could understand other auditory or visual alarms.
But the last thing a pilot needs in the emotional roller coaster of a dog fight over Eastern Europe or an engine failure over the ocean is someone emotionally screaming at them through their controls. So jet manufacturers hired voice actors to do careful and calm voice recordings. The first was an actor named Kim Crow.
America opted for a female voice actor because they thought pilots would react much faster to a female voice because girlfriends exist. That's not a joke, that's how Kim Crow described it herself in this interview.
It was Crow's job to warn pilots that they were about to crash into the ground, that a missile is in the air and hunting them, or that radar on the ground has a lock on them.
So, pilots should love that little voice that calmly alerts them to an emergency, right?
Well, no. And for a few good reasons once you give it a good thought. First of all, these alarms usually go off when things are going very badly. No matter how calm the voice is, you're going to have an emotional reaction to a voice you only hear when there's a risk you're about to die, crash, or accidentally destroy a multi-million dollar aircraft.
But, worse, pilots can't always spare a hand to turn off the alarm when things are going wrong. Obviously, if you're dodging Iraqi missiles in Desert Storm and get too close to the deck, you're going to be too busy escaping the missiles and gaining altitude to toggle off an alarm. But that easily means that some of the most stressful three minutes of your life has a soundtrack, and it's a woman saying, "Missile alert," over and over even though you already know there's a missile.
And so pilots started giving the voices in their planes nicknames, usually derogatory ones. America's became known as "Bitchin' Betty." Britain is known for calling theirs "Nagging Nora." And Australia reportedly uses "Hank the Yank" because their country apparently thought pilots could quite easily respond to a male voice.
Or maybe Hank is a female nickname in Australia. We've never been fighter pilots in Australia.
But while military pilots have mixed feelings toward the voices in their planes, they seem to work. And many of the same tactics are used in civilian planes and helicopters for the same role and for the same reasons.
But just imagine if Siri, Alexa or Cortana only spoke to you when everything was going horribly wrong and wouldn't shut up during your crises. Yup, you wouldn't like them much either.
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