Even though the Army is (in this soldier's opinion) clearly the superior service, soldiers do sometimes get jealous of Air Force personnel. Mostly because of all those perks and quality-of-life improvements they enjoy.
Fine, we'll admit it. Soldiers do sometimes get jealous of airmen. Not because of their warfighting prowess, which is acceptable at best. And not because of their uniforms — oh, you're finally switching out those ridiculous stripes for OCPs? Congrats.
No, in addition to them getting respect and fair treatment from their leadership, they also get all the perks. You know, like these six things:
1. Quality food
Air Force food. Fresh ingredients. Healthy options. Disgusting.
(U.S. Air Force Staff Sgt. Emily Kenney)
It's common knowledge that the best food on a joint Army-Air Force base is almost always in the Air Force dining facility. And, when the Air Force runs a major terminal on a base, they'll often have a 24-hour DFAC. They can often eat better at 3 a.m. than the Army can during a standard meal.
All so a bunch of paper-pushers and wrench-turners (and the occasional pilot) are happy.
2. Awesome barracks
An Air Force barracks in Germany. Snotty bastards.
(U.S. Air Force Airman 1st Class Joshua Joseph Magbanua)
Actually, they don't even call them "barracks" anymore. Officially, airmen live in "dorms" now, some of which have theater and game rooms, and most of which have free WiFi. Meanwhile, the Army usually has access to internet, but there's usually only one option on base, and you can bet that geographic monopoly limits their give-a-damn when people complain.
So, yeah, single life in one service is demonstrably better than the other. So much so that the Air Force offers...
3. ...money for living in Army conditions
Yeah, the Air Force gives their dudes' money if they have to reside in "unfit quarters" — which applies to airmen in Army living spaces. This author trained in a multi-service school run by the Army. The Air Force got the best barracks at the school, but were the only service that got money every month for having to live in such decrepit conditions.
Decrepit conditions that the other four branches just had to deal with.
4. Actual international travel
These airmen are travelling to Germany. Notice how they're happy? Wish the Army had that.
(U.S. Air Force Tech. Sgt. Lindsey Watson-Kirwin)
Sure, Marines and Navy get to travel the world, too, but the Air Force gets preferred slots during Space-A travel, getting first dibs on open seats anywhere that an Air Force plane is already flying. And their bases are truly international, with lots of slots open across the planet. Folks who get a job on an airplane could see a few countries in a single week.
But the Army has relatively few international bases, and it takes a spot of luck to actually get a billet in Korea, Germany, Italy, or somewhere else cool. Most soldiers will train stateside, deploy to the Middle East and Africa, rinse and repeat.
5. Training and experience that translates to the civilian world
These guys aren't even holding rifles. Disgusting.
(U.S. Air Force Kemberly Groue)
The Air Force is basically a corporation, and their training and job duties reflect that fact. While the Army is busy focusing on warfighting skills, like land nav and rifle marksmanship, the Air Force focuses on things employers care about, like professional conduct in office jobs, air control towers, and terminals.
CEOs don't care if a soldier can shoot the wings off of a fly, because that's not something businesses do. But they do care whether you can write an email without calling anyone f*cker. Too bad, soldiers.
6. Community college built into the service
Ryan Hall at the Community College of the Air Force. Yes. The Air Force has its own college.
(U.S. Air Force)
Ugh, but the worst is that whole Community-College-of-the-Air-Force thing. Yes, it's an actual community college. And yes, it helps airmen get actual degrees — usually associate degrees in applied sciences. Army training gets you, at best, some elective credits in a real degree program.
But the Air Force kids get actual college credits and a whole community college to help them turn those credits into degrees.
Oh, well. At least all the branches get the G.I. Bill.
- The hater's guide to the US Army - We Are The Mighty ›
- The complete hater's guide to the US Air Force - We Are The Mighty ›